Pouts

I was walking down the street towards school. It was one of those perfect days: sunny, not one cloud in the sky, a soft breeze, not too hot, not too cold. But I was totally depressed. I hated being mad at Adam. It wasn't the first time that we had a fight, but this time I just felt that it was different, like I knew that maybe things wouldn't get better. I looked around and could see Adam getting into his car and driving away. I sighed and continued my walk down to school.

It was a surprise to see Cathy standing in front of a tree holding her books. She was looking down and it was obvious that something was wrong

"Hey girl! Everything ok?"

She looked up at me and I could see that she had been crying: her eyes were red and swollen, her face showed her sadness, and she seemed like being two seconds from just crying her heart out. She looked up and gave a huge sob, "I kind of need someone to talk to..."

As I dropped my things and hugged her, she started crying on my shoulder and I just let her lean there. After a while, I took a step back and with the back of my sleeve cleaned her eyes, "Now...what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath and looked at me, "She broke up with me...said that she didn't want to go though the long distance shit..."

I nodded, and she continued. " It's like everything in my life is fucked up. She broke up with me, my parents are always fighting, I am the fucking new girl at school, I don't know anyone, and I hate my house..."

She let out a loud sob and I hugged her again. For the next minutes my problems seemed minimal next to hers, in a strange way I was feeling better, but all that mattered at that moment was Cathy. I looked down at her and wiped her eyes again. "Now, I know it's hard to adapt to new places, and ending a relationship is worse, but you've got to move on, and you're not alone. I'm here for you!"

She gave me a little smile and started searching for something on her purse

"What are you doing?"

She found the make up kit and looked at me, "I'm not going in there looking like this!"

I groaned, smiled and watched her make herself beautiful. After that we were late for the first class: Chemistry. I sat in the back of the classroom to avoid contact with Adam. He was sitting three chairs in front of me. I was trying to pay attention and learn something, but my mind was to busy with what to do. We both had said things that we shouldn't have been said, but he was being stubborn and stupid, and I wasn't going to give in. I was going to be more stubborn than him.

After that class it was Math time. Luckily the teacher had some kind of problem and didn't come, so we had two full hours free. Cathy wanted to go watch the football team practice. I tagged along, since I didn't had anything better to do.

Our school is one of those schools that breathe football! We have a really good team, and won lots of competitions. So the most natural thing was to build this huge field. Cathy and I sat and had a full view of the field, and I understood why Cathy wanted to come: cheerleading practice. It was quite funny, the girl was watching the cheerleaders and the guy was watching the football team...weird!

"Are you and Adam mad?"

I took my gaze from the field and nodded.

"I hope I'm not the cause of all this..."

I squeezed her hand. "Don't worry, you didn't do anything wrong...me and Adam...we are always fighting, we're both too damn stubborn for our own damn good..."

She smiled. "He didn't like me..."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say that he had loved her. "He'll come around, he's just being an asshole..."

She looked up at me. "But you do know that the whole school thinks that we're dating..."

I laughed, "If they only knew..."

She smiled. "Yeah...at this moment I regret coming here. It's a great town and all, but I came from a bigger city, I had more freedom. Hell, here if I speak the word gay people go ballistic."

I sighed. "Try living here your whole life... It sucks...I know...but it's what I have...gotta stick to it..."

"Don't you have a dream? I mean don't you have plans for the future?"

I thought about it for a while. I never actually wondered what I wanted to be. My whole life, everyone had always said that I should be a doctor so I had naturally accepted it. "I don't know, I always had this interest for animals..."

"You mean you want to be a vet?"

"No...I don't think that I could take care of them...but like...I don't know...study them or something...but I'm gonna be a doctor..."

She seemed confused. "But you want to study animals..."

"Yeah...but I want to be a doctor, since I was little..."

She looked at me and studied me for a while. "You want to be, or people told you that you should be?"

I sighed, "I can't say that I didn't have a little influence from family..."

"You should be what you want to be. You only have one opportunity to live, you're not gonna spend it doing something that you hate..."

I looked at her surprised. " Where is this coming from?"

She looked down, "My girlfriend used to tell me these things... she was so cool, I really liked her, hell I loved her... she was older, but I didn't care..."

I put my arm around her, "You still like her, huh?"

"Do you ever stop loving someone?"

That sentence was in my head for the rest of the day. I thought about it. If we really like someone is it possible to stop liking them in a flash? Can we really stop liking people? I knew Adam since forever; we had been through a lot. He was my best friend. I cared a lot for him! I wouldn't give up on our friendship like that. I couldn't. I needed Adam in my life. I had to solve the problem.

After the last class I told my plan to Cathy and she smiled and told me to go for it. I was waiting for Adam at the front gate. I was nervous and I didn't know what to say. I spotted him with two of his friend from basketball.

I tapped his shoulder, "Hi... Adam...can we talk?"

The other two gave me a funny look. Adam looked at me and I could see the surprise on his eyes. He said goodbye to the other two and turned his full attention to me. " Sure..."

I was nervous. "I kind of regret some things that I said to you..."

His face was frozen. He hadn't moved a muscle.

"I care a lot for you as a friend, and I really can't lose my best friend...I just hope that you can forgive me..."

He didn't say a thing for a few seconds. I was starting to worry when he sighed. "Damn, why do I forget the camera when I need one. This is like one of those things that happen once in a lifetime: Nate Bradford is sorry!"

I smiled. "Ok, you can stop being a jerk now!"

He laughed, "Its alright, man, we were both out of line yesterday, I was going through some heavy shit, but its ok now..."

I smiled, "We're cool then?"

"Yeah we're cool!"

"Cool, then you can give me a ride home!"

He rolled his eyes. "I knew that there would be a catch!"

I laughed and we walked towards the car. As I was opening the car door I waved at Cathy who I could see was walking to her house.

"Why don't you invite her? I can give her a ride home..."

I looked at him a little shocked and broke into a huge grin. I ran to Cathy and convinced her to come with us.

Cathy was sitting on the back seat grabbing her books and with a shocked look on her face. I wanted to laugh at the situation but I managed to control myself. Adam surprised me by making the first move. "So Cathy you like this town?"

We were stopped in a red light, and Cathy looked up at Adam's back with her eyes bugging out. Fortunately she managed to compose herself. "Yeah, its cool!"

Adam smiled, "Don't worry, you'll like it pretty soon...if you want I can show you around sometime..."

Cathy looked at me, I shrugged. She thought for a while and broke into a grin. "Sure that would be cool; maybe you could tell me a lot of embarrassing stories about Nate!"

I knew that I was dammed the moment I heard that. Adam broke into a huge grin. "Oh, I have a lot of those..."

I whined, "Can we change the subject now?"

"You're lucky, here's my house, thanks for the ride Adam, I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

Cathy got out and walked towards her house. I turned to Adam. "You were nice...thanks..."

"She seems like a nice girl..."

We felt into an uncomfortable silence for a while. I didn't know what to say, until he surprised me with the question. "Is she your girlfriend?"

He was looking straight ahead with this serious look on his face. "No, we're just friends..."

I could swear that I saw relief on his face. I was wondering why. He stopped in front of my house and the opportunity to ask had passed. I jumped out of his car and waved him goodbye.

I must say that I slept better that night. I was at peace with myself and that was great. The next morning,, I was awakened by the doorbell ringing. I waited a few moments until I remembered that it was the day when my mom would be at work early. I groaned and walked towards the front door like a zombie.

I opened the door. "Yes?"

In the state that I was, I managed to realize that I was talking to a girl. She was tall and seemed to be older. I presumed that she wanted to sell something. " I don't want anything!"

I started closing the door when her hand stopped me. "Wait, I'm sorry for coming this early, but I need to talk to Nate Bradford, is he home?"

I woke up instantly, "That's me..."

I looked more closely and could see the signs that she hadn't slept for a long time. She was pretty. Her brown hair was long, curly at the end. She was looking right at me with her green eyes, and I was feeling a little uncomfortable.

She sighed, "Look, I really need to talk to you, it's kind of urgent!"

I wasn't convinced. "Look, I'm sure that there would be a better time to talk, I have to get ready, and I have classes..."

"It's because of Cathy!"

I stopped talking and looked at her shocked. How did this woman know Cathy? "Who are you?"

She dropped her hand and looked down. "I'm Cathy's girlfriend..."

I shook my head. "No way, her girlfriend, or should I say ex-girlfriend is in another town..."

She gave me a desperate look. "Look, its really me, I'm Amanda, I don't know how I can prove it, I just need to talk to you, please!"

I studied her again. She seemed to be telling the truth. I groaned," Come in, but I warn you, if you try anything funny I'll kick your ass, I'm a black belt!"

She smiled, "Don't worry, I'm too tired to fight..."

I walked into the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

"Water please!"

She sat and looked around, I started looking for coffee for me. "Nice kitchen you've got here!"

I handed her a glass of water. "Thanks, my mom decorated it!"

My mom was an extravagant person, and she tried to make everything big and flashy. Our kitchen was red, with a black counter and white cabinets. My dad objected at first, but mom always got her way, no matter what. I got used to it after a while, but fortunately I managed to keep my bedroom the way I liked.

She took a sip of water, and I heard her stomach rumble. "You hungry?"

She blushed and nodded

"I'll make you something. I can't cook, so what about cereals?"

When she blushed her cheeks would turn bright red, it gave her a cute look. "I don't want to bother you, I just want to talk!"

I grabbed two cereals bowls. "Don't worry, and I'll have some company for breakfast..."

She gave in and shrugged. "It's your house!"

I sat and handed her the bowl. "So what did you want to talk about?"

She looked at me. "I need to know where Cathy lives..."

"Mind telling me what for?"

She sighed, "I wanna see her and talk to her..."

I ate a spoon full of cereal. "Cathy is a really cool girl, I need to know what you're gonna say to her, I don't want to see her hurt even more!"

She looked at the bowl. "I know I fucked up...but my parents found out...I had no choice...they forced me!"

I heard her voice tremble.

"Hey, calm down, calm down... take your time!"

She took a deep breath and pushed the hair from her eyes. "Cathy and I dated for two years. I was 18 and she was 15 at the time. At first it was just experimenting for us, but after a while we started connecting and well, we fell in love. I mean, we were best friends before this, we didn't even suspect, but one thing led to the other and well. we started going out."

I was eating the cereals and focusing on what she was saying

"Well, we managed to keep things for ourselves and started making long term plans, you know the usual... But then, she moved. I didn't want to break up, we promised to wait until she finished high school and then we would move in together. Everything was perfect until my mom read my diary...pretty lame huh? A 20 years old with a diary, and still living with her mom?"

I shook my head, but she ignored me.

"My mom flipped out! She told my dad and they forced me to become "normal" or I was out of their house, I was scared, I gave in, and broke up with Cathy. But after hearing her cry and when I hung up my phone...I was so devastated...It like I had taken part of my heart out..." She wiped her eyes and took another deep breath. "So, two hours later I was out of my house, with all that I managed to take from home and found my way here. Cathy had talked to me about you, and I managed to find where you live... you know that your school's security sucks ..."

I was absorbing all this and had forgotten about the cereal. When I snapped out of my concentrated state, I noticed that I had a spoon full of cereals in mid air.

"Well, you can come with me to school and we'll find her..."

She nodded, "Thank you..."

I dropped the bowls by the sink. "No problem...I just hope that you make Cathy happy... what are you gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna find a motel and a job...I don't know, all that matters now is to find Cathy, the rest can wait.."

I smiled at her and grabbed her hand. "I hope that everything turns out good to you!"

She smiled back "Thanks..."

"Now...I'm gonna shower `cause I stink. You can wait in the living room, I'll be down quickly!"

She nodded. I showed her the living room and went to my shower. While refreshing I thought about all that she said. It was clear that she felt something deep for Cathy; she had given up on her parent's support for Cathy. I sighed wishing to have the same thing. I tossed a towel around my waist and climbed out of the shower. I opened the door of the bathroom and almost felt on Amanda

She looked at me and blushed, "I'm sorry, I was looking for the bathroom..."

I grinned and pointed to the door behind me, she entered it and I laughed about the whole situation.

When she came out I was fully dressed and ready to go. When we were at the front door I remembered something. "Hey, I have a better idea!"

She looked curious. "What?"

"You can't go to high school, people will suspect something, I mean... a 20 year old in high school?"

She looked down. "You're right..."

"You can stay with Mrs. Anderson. I'll convince Cathy to skip P.E and I'll drag her there!"

"I don't wanna bother anyone. I can wait somewhere else..."

I spoke in a firm tone. "I don't wanna leave you alone, and she is a very nice lady, I'm sure she won't mind!"

"Are you sure about this?"

I grinned, "Totally! Don't worry she wont bite!"

Amanda followed, obviously apprehensive. I spotted Mrs. Anderson watering her plants. I waved at her and she smiled.

"Good morning Natie, who's this nice lady with you?"

I kissed her forehead. "Good morning, Mrs. Anderson, this is my friend Amanda, can she stay over here for a while?"

Mrs. Anderson didn't take the smile of her face. "And why is that? Are you in trouble young lady?"

Amanda blushed, before she could answer, I spoke. "She needs to speak to a friend, and I can't take her to the school, it will be quick I promise!"

Mrs. Anderson sighed," You are one crazy young man, but I don't mind, she can help with my flowers..."

Amanda smiled, "I love flowers, I won't mind helping!"

"Well, I'll be back in two hours, you two be good!"

They didn't even hear me; they were already too engrossed in flower talk. I groaned and ran to school.

I was late to the first class, but I didn't care. I caught Cathy after the second hour and convinced her to skip P.E with me.

"Where are we going?"

I continued dragging her through the hall. "I want you to meet someone!"

"You're not playing matchmaker are you? I hate that!"

I laughed, "No, don't worry!"

She tried to get information from me but I ignored her and kept on walking. When I saw the front door I turned to her. "Now, no matter what happens, I want you to promise me to not be mad at me!" She got a confused look on her face. "What do you mean?"

"Just promise me!"

"Ok, ok, I promise you, but you're scaring me, Nate!"

I hugged her. "Don't worry, I would never hurt you!"

I entered the house and heard the voices in the kitchen. Cathy was starting to get suspicious until I heard Amanda laugh and she froze. I looked at her and saw hurt, confusion and pain all together in her face. I hugged her. "Don't worry, everything will be ok!"

She started to walk away, but I grabbed her. "Give her a chance, ok?"

Cathy's eyes got huge and she stopped pulling; I turned around and saw Amanda standing there looking at us. I let go of Cathy and walked towards the kitchen not wanting to disturb them.

Mrs. Anderson said. "Nice lady, ..very polite and friendly!"

I sat on the nearest chair. "Yeah..."

She sat in front of me and smiled, "I hope that everything clears up between those two... you know they remind me of an old friend of mine and his boyfriend..."

I felt like my eyes almost fell from my face. I was shocked. "Huh?"

She laughed. "Don't be so shocked! He was and still is my best friend...very stubborn but a very good person, I introduced him to his lover, and they fought a lot, mainly because the lover had some problems with his sexuality..."

"Mrs. Anderson, I didn't know...someone I know?"

She got up and grabbed a photo album. "It's here somewhere...he is now in another city. We talk a lot and write to each other, he's thinking of coming over here!"

She sat next to me and showed her photo album. The first photo was obviously of her on the beach with a couple of guys. One of them was clearly a jock; the other had this sad aura on him. The next photo was of Mrs. Anderson hugging the sad guy in a garden, they had the look of two guys hugging like old pals, and then they were kissing. I looked at Mrs. Anderson and she just smiled. "The blond one is Mike, the other is Brad!" I continued looking at the pictures and saw another of Mike with a trophy, and of both smiling like crazy at the camera with a fish in their hands.

"Good times those...they're happy now...really happy, adopted two kids..."

I was about to reply when Adam appeared through the back door of the kitchen. "Hey, mom, Nate? What are you doing here?"

I smiled, "Your mom was showing me some pics..."

He looked at the album and grinned. "Oh, Mike and Brad's album? I've seen it; she loves to show that, they are a great couple!"

"You've met them?"

He grabbed an apple. "Oh yeah, they came here last year, they're pretty cool, Mike even played a little ball with me!"

"You're going to practice now?"

He looked at me. "Yeah, I'll see you later!"

He walked out through the back door and waved back, I laughed, "That guy is always busy..."

Mrs. Anderson looked at me with a weird look in her eyes and got up smiling. "I think it's a good idea for you go and check on those two..."

I nodded and walked towards the living room. I peeked in and spotted Amanda sitting on the couch. I walked quietly over and saw Cathy lying on Amanda's lap smiling. I looked at Amanda and she nodded at me.

"I guess this means that you two are ok again?"

Cathy grinned.

"I hate to say this, but we still have some classes to go...!"

Amanda sighed, "Yeah, it's a good idea that I go find somewhere to stay, even start looking for a job..."

Cathy looked up at her. "You're gonna be ok, babe?"

"Now that you're back in my life, of course I'm gonna be ok!"

They kissed and I smiled at the scene. After that, the day was boring as hell, Cathy spent all day sighing and dreaming. I tried to bring her back to reality but I guess she was too far-gone.

The next day I was feeling really tired, I didn't even knew why. I was feeling really drowsy and I was always fading off and falling asleep. At lunch break I was sitting with Adam and Cathy.

"You ok Nate? You seem a little distant?"

I looked at Cathy. "Oh, no...I'm just a little sleepy..."

Cathy didn't seem convinced, neither did Adam, but they didn't bother me anymore. After classes Adam invited us to his house for a little snack. We were sitting in his living room, me next to him, cussing about some teacher; I was starting to feel dizzy. I looked at Adam and I noticed those eyes again. I don't know why but those eyes managed to captivate me every time I looked into them. He was looking at Cathy and I could see his face muscles move every time he spoke, but I wasn't hearing a thing; Adam was the only thing that I was focused on. The last thing I remember was the feeling of Adam's shoulder on my cheek and how good it felt.

I woke up looking at an old man's face. He was looking at his watch and holding my wrist, probably checking my pulse. I looked around the room and noticed that it was Adam's. I saw him standing there with a worried face, next to Cathy and his mom

"Glad you could join us, son, you feeling ok?"

I turned to the doctor and nodded.

"You know what's wrong with him?"

Adam seemed really worried, he was agitated, tapping the floor with his foot and had his arms crossed.

"I just need to ask some quick questions from sleepy beauty here!"

I smiled at that.

"You're taking any drugs?"

I shook my head, ..No.

"You're on any kind of medication?"

I shook my head again. He looked at me puzzled.

"You eat anything today?"

"The usual, cereals...and lunch at school..."

He smiled and walked towards Mrs. Anderson; they walked out of the room. Adam and Cathy were by my side before I knew it.

"You ok?"

I sat upright on the bed. "Yeah, just a little dizzy... and thirsty..."

Adam got up. "I'll go and get something for you to drink"

"That boy will do anything for you..."

I looked at Cathy. "It's mutual..."

She grinned, "Are you sure you two are just friends?"

I blushed, "Of course, I have known him since forever..."

She laughed, "That never stopped anyone!"

I changed the topic. "You called my mom?"

"You really know how to change the subject... But yeah, we called her, she is on her way here!"

And right after she said that, my mom appeared out of nowhere. She almost ran to me, "Are you ok? What happened to you?"

"I'm ok, mom!"

Cathy was holding back her laugher; my mom looked at me and surprised me by hugging me and squeezing all of my air out.

"I was so worried, Mrs. Anderson called and said that you had fainted, you never fainted before in your whole life..."

I tried to push her away, but she had a death grip on me. "I'm ok mom, probably just too much sun or something..."

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I need to talk to you Mrs. Bradford!"

I looked up and saw the doctor and Adam on the doorway looking at us. My mom kissed my forehead and walked towards the doctor. Adam walked towards me and handed me a glass of water.

He sat next to me with a worried look. "You ok?"

I laughed," Yeah, you know...I'm getting tired of that question!"

"You scared the hell out of us!"

I looked at him and smiled, "I'm ok, probably just the heat or something..."

He looked at me, not buying my excuse. Frankly, I was a little scared by what happened. I had never fainted in my life, much less like this! I didn't remember doing anything wrong or taking something that I shouldn't...I was confused, but having Adam next to me brought a sense of security. Since I've known him, he just radiated an aura of security and safety. I always felt better when he was by my side. I looked up at Cathy and noticed her grinning at me. I gave her a confused look and then I noticed that I had been resting my head on Adam's shoulder. I sat up abruptly and could feel my checks turning red. I got on my feet and stretched my sore muscles.

"I'm going downstairs and see what's wrong, thanks for the bed Adam..."

He was looking at me worried. "Are you sure you're ok?"

I smiled, "Sure, It was just a faint, I'm ok..."

He bit his lip, it seemed like he wanted to say something but he shrugged it off. I walked out of the room towards the kitchen. I walked into it and the talking stopped. I turned to the doctor

"So what's wrong with me?"

He gave a little smile. "Well, it could be nothing or something! It could be just tiredness or it could be something bigger, I'm sure it was just lack of good eating and sleep. But just to be on the safe side, I arranged for you to go to my office tomorrow and I'll do a check up!"

My mom looked worried. "I'll make sure he goes!"

After all the thanking and goodbye I found myself in my living room watching TV bored out of my skull. My mom insisted on feeding me like I was a third world kid. I thought about all that had happened that day. I was jealous of what Cathy had: of having someone that could just love you that much. I also thought of the last thing I remembered before fainting: Adam's shoulder. It just felt so right to be leaning into him like that. I had known him since forever, but we rarely had physical contact, a hug here and there, but rarely touched. I couldn't like Adam? It just wasn't possible, but on the other hand, he was cute and I noticed that every time I looked at him. I loved his eyes, his arms, everything. But I always thought that it was just my gay side working, and that it was just physical, that I really loved him like a friend, but now everything that I had thought was being tested!

The next morning I woke up feeling surprisingly well. I had Biology to start, but not even that could take the smile out off my face, and I had no idea where the smile had come from. I got through the usual morning routine and found myself making the also usual morning walk to school. I didn't see Adam's car at his house, ..bad luck for me. No ride today. I sighed but after going only two steps I was started by a honk right next to me. I looked and saw Adam grinning. "Need a ride?"

I grinned back, I don't know why but this warm feeling came through me and I grinned wider." Of course, I can't go nowhere without my personal driver!"

He laughed and drove off with me. "So feeling better?"

"Yeah, really great actually...!"

"Good dream?"

"Honestly I don't know...but who cares...I'm happy!"

He smiled and continued on driving. We were in a comfortable silence for a while, until I decided to break the ice.

"So, you've got a game today, don't you?"

"Yeah, nothing big, just a school from across town...you gonna watch?"

I smiled,"Sure, I'll even bring Cathy, and maybe Amanda!"

We had arrived at school. While we were parking I noticed Jess walking towards the car. "Well, I guess your girlfriend is coming, I'll see you later!"

I got out of the car and walked towards the main gate. I looked at the car and saw Adam and Jess kissing, I quickly turned around feeling sick and saw Cathy.

"Good morning, you feeling any better?"

I still had the kiss planted on my face. "Yeah... Amanda found a place to stay?"

"Yeah, she called me saying she is in a motel and went looking for a job today... I'm so happy..."

I nodded and noticed Adam passing with Jess, with his arm around her. Cathy turned to me. "You okay? You seem a little sick..."

I looked down, suddenly all the happiness had got out of me. And I was even more depressed because now I knew the reason. I was in love...with Adam.

I skipped the game. I didn't want to see Adam, I needed to think. My mind was running a thousand miles an hour. I needed to clear out. Cathy didn't leave my side the whole day. She was probably scared that something would happen to me again. I walked towards a park near school and found a little playground. Cathy seemed surprised to see me going there. I sat on the swing and stared at the sand. Cathy sat on the swing next to me and waited a few moments. I knew she was waiting for me to say something, but I just didn't know what to say

"You come here a lot?"

I turned to her. "Yeah, its quiet and I like this..."

She nodded and waited again. I could feel her eyes on me, but my brain had stopped, I didn't know what to do.

"You ok?"

I nodded. Silence again. I started swinging, slowly.

"You know... You can talk about it... I'm not gonna laugh or anything...I'm here to listen, just like you were when I needed..."

"I know..."

She sighed, "Its about Adam isn't it!"

I continued staring at the ground.

She groaned, "You can be one stubborn bastard when you want to..."

I turned to her and gave her a small smile. "Thanks!"

She rolled her eyes, "I talked to Amanda yesterday...we discussed this whole thing..."

Now I was interested. "Oh really?"

"We agreed on one thing!"

"And what was that?"

"That you're totally head over heals with Adam..."

I sighed and looked down again.

"Thought so... You know it's not such a big deal..."

"Oh no? How would you feel if you fell in love with your best friend?"

She laughed, "Actually... Amanda and I, we friends before we start dating..."

"Really?"

"Yeah...took some balls to admit, but I kind of found out that I was in love with her...and then one thing led to another and well, here we are now..."

"Adam isn't like that... I know it! It just isn't there, I know he loves me, but not in that way..."

She walked to me and knelt on the sand in front of me. "Even if that is right, you should be honest with your friends...Adam is obviously not bothered by the gay world, I think that you own him that..."

"No, no way, I am not going to tell him that I like him, that would ruin things between us..."

She smiled" Do you really think so? Don't you feel something when you're near him? Its obvious, even I can see it!"

I closed my eyes. "Cathy please don't give me ideas, I just don't want to suffer anymore..."

She grabbed my hand. "How so?"

I sighed, "Adam's not my first crush! I had others and all of them made me suffer, and you know why? Because I dreamt, I made movies in my head, and when things wouldn't be real I would just feel empty, I don't want to dream anymore, I just don't..."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, it will sound very cliché, but dreams are what makes you move on, not reality! If you don't have dreams you won't get anywhere..."

I shook my head, "Right, its easy to talk...but I'm used to it! I mean, I have to be, right? I have to just swallow my problems and keep a smile on, and pretend that I'm normal, that I'm happy, that I dream of the girl next door, that I actually drool over skirts!"

I got up from the swing. "I just...Its easier this way...if I pretend...I won't get hurt...you have someone, I don't...I'm alone in this...I just have to keep going...and hope that maybe someday things will change...but for now...I have to keep on smiling and move on..."

She looked at me and crossed her arms. "You're acting like a victim here!"

"I'm not a victim, I'm just trying to survive, some people have the courage and the means to just come out and be proud, I don't...I just can't, I'm not a victim, I'm human...I love Adam, its true, but I just have to pretend that there is nothing and smile about it...simple as that!"

She threw her arms in the air" You gonna cry now? Please Nate you're better than that! You know damn well that things aren't like that, you have me to help! You're just afraid of getting hurt...that is comprehensible... you're afraid of rejection...that too, but you cannot be afraid of being you, that you have to face...no one asks you to go to a fucking parade and shout that you're gay...you just have to admit to yourself and like that!"

I walked towards my backpack" Well...I'm glad that you're ok with yourself, I'm am in a way...I just...well...I just pretend that I'm not like that, until I can..."

She walked towards me and grabbed my shoulders looking straight at me" You are not like this! I know it! You're hiding and doing it pretty well! Take the time that you need, but don't run from what you are!"

I hugged her" Don't worry, I'm ok...I have to be...I'll see you tomorrow!"

I walked of with my head full and tears forming, fortunately I managed to hold them until I was out of Cathy's sight.

TBC:...