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Planes of Gray - chapter 3
"Concentrate!" I heard the old voice screech at me from across the room, and I was pulled out of my daydream. For the hundredth time that day my thoughts had dwelled on Anakin. It wasn't that, though. As a Jedi Master I had thought on Anakin perhaps once a week in a moment of weakness, and now I found myself obsessed with him. His face was painted across my vision for the majority of most days, and where it had been a face, it had become a naked body, burning with desire for me. My concentration was waning, and was already a pale shadow of its former self.
"My apologies, Master Sidious," I said wearily. I had been trying to move objects with the Dark Side for most of the day, and so far I had been unsuccessful. I would have long since obtained my goal, but every time I tried, my concentration slipped and I used the Light Side to appease my Master. As if it would appease him. He grew almost insane with rage every time I used the Light Side, but it was second nature to me, and I still loved the feel of it flowing through my body.
"I don't want your apologies, you fucking whelp," Palpatine said furiously, and the Dark Side swirled around him. "I've had enough of your incompetence for one day," he said, his face contorted with anger. He stretched out his hands and bolts of energy shot out from both his hands. The energy hit me with a terrible force, but as soon as I sensed him pulling at the Dark Side I had readied myself for the attack. I had once asked Yoda how to defend myself against the Dark Side, and knowing my power, he had taught me everything he knew. He knew how to defend against this, and so did I. Growling, I held out my hands and felt the colossal bolts strike them. I could feel the heat of the lightning on my face, and I half-expected my sleeves to catch fire. The lightning struck the shield of the Force I had placed around myself - the Light Side as pure as I could form it. The Dark Side struck the barrier and the darkness filtered off and filtered back into the Force. It took all of my strength to absorb his power, and I was pushed to my limit.
"Aargh," I heard him screech over the thunderous rampage of those bolts. Abruptly the lightning ceased, but my hands continued to steam from the effort. The effort had been exhausting.
"You are a disgrace to the Sith," he shouted hatefully. "There was a time when a Sith Lord would rather cut off his own head before he was seen to use anything else but the Dark Side of the Force."
I felt a pang in my heart. Not a Jedi, and yet not a Sith. "I don't know how to defend against that with the Dark Side, and I'm not just going to stand my ground while it burns me!" I shouted back.
"Forget everything the Jedi taught you, or I will not teach you to wield my power. And you know what that means," he said with a malicious smile on his face.
Sweat beaded on my forehead. "No please! I'll do what you command. I beg forgiveness." I found myself on my knees for the first time in front of this Sith Master. The Dark Side was my only path to Anakin, and I would do anything to keep that connection. Anything!
His smile became pleased, but nothing he did could make the hatred leave those cold eyes of his. "To master the Dark Side, you must learn how to think like the Dark Side. That means, that you do not defend when I strike you. You attack!" he said aggressively.
"But how...?" I began, before being interrupted.
"You strike back!" he screamed. "You are strong enough to already have seen how I formed that attack with the Dark Side. Now apply yourself, Lord Syrin!"
Without any warning, he struck out his left hand and the lightning shot toward me again, but this time a small little stream from his forefinger alone. It still traveled with a terrible speed, and struck with a terrible force, but it was different. As it approached me, I filled myself with the Dark Side and struck out with my own lightning, which looked unpracticed and poorly controlled. I watched the energy burst forth from my hand and arc wildly, ripping off pieces of the wall and showering the practice hall with concrete. Some of the lightning managed to find his attack and the two met with a terrible scream, and deflected one another. I smiled with confidence, and felt proud in my success. No Jedi could do that, I thought.
"Good," Palpatine said simply, but I could sense mockery in his tone, as if I was a small child who had written the first letter of the alphabet for the first time. "Now, Sith Lord. What will you do against a fully armed Dark Jedi?" he said evilly.
The lightning roared from both his hands, screaming in my direction with terrifying resolve. I drew on the Dark Side, but as the lightning came close, I saw a vision of Anakin erupt in my mind, clearer than it had ever been. He was totally naked. Sweat covered his brow and he was breathing heavily with passion, almost wild with passion. I openly gasped at his perfect appearance. His untidy blond hair touched his eyes, and yet was matted to his forehead with sweat. His tanned skin was flawless and his chest and abs flexed with every movement. The view left my mouth dry and my lungs empty. He leaned in to kiss me, and his warm breath touched my lips. I gasped in anticipation, and I felt the vision disintegrate. At that moment, the Force left me and the lightning struck me full on. I flew fifty feet and struck the opposite wall, instantly winded by the magnitude of the crash. The lightning stopped and I tried to get to my feet, but I had only moments to see the sinister smile on Sidious's face before the next assault struck me. Already leaning against the wall, I felt the lightning enter my body, and I screamed in pain. I felt as if my body was on fire, with every inch of my skin crying for relief. On and on it went, my piercing cries doing nothing to help the situation as I writhed on the ground. After an eternity the endless plight stopped, but my I could feel myself trembling from the memory of the experience. Tears rolled down my eyes, and it was the first time I'd ever cried from pain. I thought at how vivid the image of Anakin had been, and how I yearned for that joy, and new tears fell in frustration.
I watched Palpatine approach me, and felt the pain leave my body slowly and my blurred vision resolve. He was laughing gleefully.
"Good!" he said laughing, and then his face instantly become gravely serious. "Now you know the Power of the Dark Side. You need to feel it before you can wield it."
"Yes, the lightning is strong," I muttered, "but I was distracted by... something."
He laughed again, wheezing and shaking with glee. "The lightning? A servant on Korriban could do that, if feebly. Projection. Now that is true Dark Side mastery. Did you enjoy my little show for you?"
"What do you mean?" I said frowning, but suddenly feeling uneasy.
"You don't find it odd that at the moment of my attack, your mind was filled with your greatest desire? I've been distracting you with thoughts of him all day, trying to shake your peaceful little Jedi soul. Did you enjoy his little performance? I particularly liked his labored breathing?" He laughed again.
I stared at him in shock, and I felt my face burn with humiliation. "You did this to me? I thought the Dark Side provided those visions?"
"As if you have that level of attunement," he said scornfully. "I can only imagine how many times I had you close to coming in your pants before I pulled the image away. The Dark Side can be... gratifying." He laughed again.
The humiliation faded, and I felt a tide of anger and wrath flood over me like an avalanche. I could barely contain it, and I decided at least, to release it. "You'll die for that," I said softly but my eyes made his laugh stop instantly.
In a leap I rushed at him and my saber was out. This time I would kill him. No one did this to me. No one! I swung at him as fast as I could, but he dodged my attacks like a viper, never drawing his own blade. My blows missed him, but cut glowing slices into the black walls.
"You'll never have him, Syrin. I hope you enjoyed that near-kiss, fool. It will NEVER get closer than that!" he said loudly.
I growled, and the anger in me ignited white hot. Using the Dark Side I ripped a massive concrete column off the side wall, and took half the wall with it. Hurling it at him, I though about how happy I would be to see it crush him. He merely ducked and watched it crash with a roar into the opposite wall.
He looked at me with calmest, most focused eyes, but he moved with the most unbelievable serpentine speed and still managed to dodge my lightning-fast blows. "Did you really think a Jedi would fall for a Sith Lord? You pitiful wretch! The council will send him for you, and then right when you expect a kiss, he's going to bore a hole in your chest."
"No!" I screamed, filled with fear at the thought, but at the same time with such deadly resolve to kill Sidious, I thought I was going to explode. I moved faster and faster until I even outdid his speed. The walls crackled with the power of the Dark Side flowing through me. Hatred like I had ever known focused on this man. At last he stumbled, and narrowly missed a swing which would have cut him in half. He fell to one knee and leaned against an iron black. Defeat was upon him, but his eyes held amusement and malice. I pointed at his chest, moments away from stabbing him in the heart.
He giggled at me. "See how powerful you have become? Your anger has given you abilities any Jedi would dream of. No master has moved with such speed in centuries! Are you going to kill me, Syrin?" He had a questioning, mocking look in his eyes - as if he knew the answer.
Breathing in deeply, I sheathed my saber, but dark currents still swept through me madly. I still hated him. True, pure hatred. Yet I needed him. Leaning against a dark pillar, I closed my eyes and breathed calmly.
"I hate you," I said panting.
"I know," he said simply and stood. "I needed you to feel how powerful you could become, and only one thing could do that."
"Anakin," I said painfully. "Thank you, Master" I said after that, and loathed myself for it.
He put an arm on my shoulder and smiled at me. "You will be one of the greatest Dark Lords who has ever lived, possibly the greatest. But until that day, you will need to experience lessons in the Dark Side, and they are never easy and always painful. You need to embrace the pain and the suffering, so that you can reflect it onto others."
"I understand," I said weakly, and watched him walk away without another word. I suddenly felt exhausted, as if I had run for days, and slumped to the floor. I really did feel stronger in the Force, but my body was weak and sad. The Dark Side could only satisfy some of my lusts, and others would come with time. Anakin would come with time. I would never lose focus of that goal. I loved him so much it hurt, and hated myself enough to match it. I really was a mess, but I knew if I could be with Anakin, everything would be righted.
Mace Windu walked slowly into the aircraft hanger. He had spent most of the day deliberating and looking for guidance through the Force, but his questions had not been answered. At last he had given up and walked to the hangar, only to see his old friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi staring out of the hangar exit to the city below.
"You seem troubled, my old friend," Windu asked as he stepped up beside Obi-Wan.
"Indeed I am, as are you," he said smiling weakly to his colleague.
"Yes," Windu said lowering his head slightly, and then raising it to look down on the city. "These are troubling times for us. There are powerful ripples running in the Force."
"I have felt them. They are centered around Deryk... and... Anakin. I don't know what it means, but I know it means trouble." Obi-Wan shook his head, as if he could shake off the problems.
"Where is that ship going?" Mace asked Obi-Wan. He'd seen Obi-Wan staring off at a light starfighter which was rapidly ascending into the atmosphere.
"It's Anakin. He's gone off on his own mission. I felt the defiance in him earlier and thought he might do something rash like this. I hid myself here, and saw him give into his own inner conflict. It's no use trying to stop him if he's going to act like a fool." Obi- Wan looked frustrated, and possibly as if he wanted to slap Anakin about the back of the head.
Mace remained calm. "Not a fool, I think. The greater workings of the Force may be beyond even the two of us. Clearly the two of them are destined to meet, but at what level, and for what reason?"
Obi-Wan looked shocked. "Surely you don't believe that the Force would allow the Chosen One to have a tied destiny with the Dark Side?!"
"I do," Mace said.
Obi-Wan stared off and still looked as if it was highly unlikely. "Perhaps the Force will drive Anakin to destroy Deryk. That is what we can hope for."
Mace turned and looked at Obi-Wan sharply. "Mind your feelings, Jedi Master. Deryk may well have fallen, but the Force shares no happiness in the ruination of any life, even that of a Dark Jedi. And to wish the blood on your own apprentice and friend's hands, shows that your judgment is misplaced."
Obi-Wan shifted his stance uneasily and blushed. "I ... apologize, Master. It's just that Deryk seems to have created so much trouble for us already, and he's hardly done anything."
"Perhaps he HAS done nothing, and we are scurrying around like Hutts to harm someone who means us no ill," Mace said, and Obi-Wan could see him balancing the scales in his head. "Perhaps Anakin is the only one with true vision. He is young, but none of us can see the Force like he does."
"Do you council not intervening with the Sith?" Obi-Wan said incredulously.
"I do not council that," Mace said in an irritated tone, and then sighed. "The Force has focused around a Dark Jedi, and there is a reason for it. I foresee a lesson for all of us before this is done, and great tragedy on both sides."
"I see it too," Obi-Wan said as the future was revealed for a moment to his eyes. "I sincerely hope the Force guides my young friend to do what is right."
"I have no doubt about Anakin's judgment," Windu said. "It is mine which worries me."
Anakin had spent most of the journey thinking about Deryk. It had taken him four hours to reach Naboo in his small craft, and although small, it was nice to be alone in the great emptiness of space, and think of his friend. After his conflict with Obi-Wan, he'd run off to his quarters in the Temple and locked the door. He had felt so desperate and frustrated he wanted to shout, but he focused his frustration into balancing objects with the Force.
Moments before he'd stopped and gone to sleep, he felt a crevice form in the Force, and a vision opened to his eyes, not the Dark Side, but not quite the Light Side either. It was a probe to spy on him, but it seemed chaotic and unintentional even. He'd seized the probe and looked into it, and felt his heart leap when he saw Deryk staring at him lazily. Before he could stop himself, he was smiling at him lustfully and riding on planes of fantasy which would disgrace any Jedi. The moment had lasted less than a second, and Deryk's mortified face seemed to scar his mind. Could it be revulsion that he'd seen lust in his eyes? Anakin sighed.
"I'm pretty good if I can disgust a Dark Jedi," Anakin said miserably. He heard beeping behind him. "Nothing R2. I'm just thinking aloud," and was greeted by a low whistle.
As usual Deryk's reaction had left him confused and depressed. It would be so much easier if he could establish open hate from Deryk's side, but then why would Deryk be spying on him? It wasn't a reconnaissance mission on the Sith's part. He'd seen that dreamy look in Deryk's eyes. It was the look he knew he wore when Obi-Wan scolded him for thinking on other issues during a lesson, which were usually all about Deryk.
Anakin had lain awake on his bed for nearly three hours after that trying to make sense of the situation. He could feel the huge ripples between him and Deryk, but his lack of training made them impossible to interpret. He needed Master Yoda's wisdom for just one night, and it would all be cleared up. Near the end, he'd decided to stop focusing on Deryk and start to focus on himself. It had hit him like a brick wall... he ... loved Deryk. Sighing at the realization and the cold hard truth, he decided at that moment to find Deryk and tell him how he felt about him. He went to sleep and the next morning rushed over to the hangar to fly off before Obi-Wan could meddle in some way. Obi-Wan was a good friend, but sometimes his short-sighted methods were frustrating.
"There's Naboo," Anakin said, and breathed deeply. Suddenly he felt trepidation, which was something he was not used to. No. This was something he had to do, even if the results were catastrophic. Reaching as deftly as he ever had, he pulled at the Force and searched for Deryk and found him on the western side of the planet. The ship flew in and landed.
I walked through the quiet forest south of the main city of Naboo. I walked slowly and thought on my situation. I still thought of myself as Deryk and not Syrin... so perhaps that did mean something. It was nice to be alone, and with nature. The Dark Side had tried to make me hate nature, but I still loved animals and reveled in the peace of the glade I was walking through. It appeared I was a strange mixture between a Sith Lord and Jedi Master. I laughed. It was also nice to be away from Palpatine, though I could feel his dark sights on me wherever I went.
I had been walking for hours, and soon entered a clearing. My mouth dropped at the beautiful sight before me. The grass was green and lush, and a waterfall fell placidly down into a quiet pool below. I walked up to it and went to one knee. Dipping my finger into the cool water, I watched as ripples spread from my finger to disturb the glass-like water.
"Ripples," I said softly, looking at my reflection in the pool.
Suddenly I heard a rustling sound behind me, and swung round. My eyes scanned the dense forest bush, and spotted a few leaves shaking slightly.
"Show yourself," I said dangerously.
The leaves parted and Anakin stepped out into the clearing. I gasped audibly, and took a step back causing my boot to immerse in the shallow water.
"Anakin," I said breathlessly. I couldn't believe it. My eyes were as wide as they could go, and I could feel myself sweating with anxiety and fear. "Anakin?" I repeated, and suddenly I thought that this might be a more advanced illusion by my fucked up Master.
"It's me Deryk," he said, and I could see apprehension in his eyes. Surely he didn't think I would attack him? I would never do that! Perhaps it was not surprising with the rumors of my dark allegiance floating around the Jedi Temple. His perfect face wanted to smile, but we were both struggling to read the situation. I couldn't sense the Force around him, and I resisted the urge to protect myself with the Dark Side. My eyes went unintentionally to his hand and I sighed in relief and disappointment in myself to see that he wasn't holding his saber hilt. I knew that my eyes had betrayed me, and his head dropped sadly.
"I mean you no harm," he said softly.
"Good," I said more aggressively than I should have, and saw him flinch. I cursed myself inside and begged silently that he wouldn't turn and leave.
"I... had to find you, Deryk," Anakin said shakily. There was a lot of uncertainty around him, and I glanced at him curiously. He always seemed so outgoing and confident. This was very odd indeed. Something was not right here.
"What is it, Anakin?" I said softly and with concern in my voice. I kept my distance though. The situation was not to be trusted.
"Deryk, I want you to come back to Coruscant with me," he said, and then looked into my eyes.
I exhaled and closed my eyes. I shook my head slowly. "I cannot, Anakin. The Jedi have condemned me as a Sith Lord. They will kill me on sight."
He shook his head fervently. "No, they will listen to me. Perhaps they will allow you back. They won't hurt you, I promise."
I laughed bitterly, but not at Anakin. "Anakin, I was exiled even before I learned the Dark Side. Even if I wanted to undo what I've learned, I will still be an exile with no place to go."
His eyes glistened with tears and I could feel blood rush to my head. It seemed surreal. "You can't do this, Deryk. They will kill you. I won't allow it! I won't!" He was shouting by the end of his tirade, but I remained calm - externally at least. My heart was beating out of my chest inside.
"I'm sorry Anakin, but my reasons are my own. I won't forsake the Dark Side. Just trust me that the reasons aren't for revenge."
"Yes they are!" he shouted at me, and I felt my mouth drop open in shock. A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away angrily. "You want to kill all of us for what we did to you. You're probably planning how to kill all of us in our sleep!" He was furious, and I actually felt afraid. Yet, listening to his unjust words made me sad and frustrated too. Anger came to me far more easily than it came to him.
"Anakin, I swear to..." I continued, but was harshly overridden by Anakin.
"Don't swear anything to me! You'd kill those whom you used to love? Those who love you? Like me? I love you Deryk! I fucking love you, and this what you're planning!"
My lips tried to form words, but I was speechless. My face paled at the revelation. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and at the same time it was my worst nightmare become reality. I was breathing heavily. I suddenly felt like running from him again, and started drawing on the Dark Side.
"Don't you fucking even think about it," he said to me angrily. "I'll follow you to the ends of the galaxy if I have to!"
I thought it wasn't possible for me to feel any more shocked, yet suddenly I was. I released the Force. Anakin angry, and in love with me! Was this due to the Dark Side changing fate? Could Sidious have been right? It was time for me to reveal my feelings for him. I was scared that opening that door would unleash a landslide of passionate emotions which would burn the ground we stood on.
"Anakin, I have something to tell you too," I said stepping forward. It was now or never. "I..." but as I opened my mouth I heard the rustle of leaves for the second time to my right. I looked quickly in that direction and saw Mace Windu step into the clearing.
"Deryk," Mace said solemnly.
Suddenly I stepped back and widened my distance between the two of them, rapidly shifting my gaze between the two suspiciously. "You fucking bastard!" I screamed at Anakin. "You led him to me!"
Anakin stepped forward, his eyes pleading. "No, Deryk. I swear to you I didn't..."
I was furious. The council had used Anakin to get close to me, and had used my feelings for him to blind my judgment so that they could ambush me. I was so angry I thought I was going to explode. I pulled at the Dark Side until it cloaked me in a cloud of midnight, so dark that not even Sidious could duplicate that feat. Anger and hatred for them surged up like a volcano.
"You betrayed me!" I screamed at Anakin, using all the air in my lungs. He just kept on shaking his head and tried to get a word in. Mace Windu had the wisdom to stand silently and watch. My purple saber flew into my hands, and was accompanied a second later by the red one I had made in my private time using a synthetic crystal. A lightsaber flurried in each hand and I readied myself.
"This is what you wanted, Mace. Come Anakin. Come my old Master. It is time for you to die." I roared the words with a hatred I had never known before. To have my most sacred desires thrown in my face by supposedly pious Jedi sickened me to my stomach and filled me with wrath. Mace Windu stood silently with his hands behind his back, and Anakin had tears rolling down his eyes and was shaking his head with silent denial, mouthing words I couldn't hear.
"No?" I said angrily. "You think that betrayal can be softened with your disgusting Jedi passivity? You fools..."
I flicked the red saber in my left hand and caught it in my already armed right hand. I flung out my left hand and the lightning screeched from my hand in Anakin's direction. It struck him in the chest and he flew off into the clearing screaming in pain. That cry would once have chilled my bones, but I glared cruelly. Anakin lay in a patch of flattened ferns, steam rising from his unconscious or perhaps dead body. I turned slowly and looked to Mace whose face showed shock for the first time I could remember. He realized the seriousness of the situation and ignited his purple saber. I whirled my duel sabers in my hands and readied myself to face this dangerous Jedi.
"Look what you've become, Deryk," Mace said sadly. "You've almost killed someone who loves you."
"Loves?" I said scornfully. "You used him to sneak up on me. If I was any less attuned I might have find your saber sticking out of my chest before I knew it. You Jedi scum! I can't believe that even you would sink so low, or that I was ever part of your filthy number."
He shook his head sadly, but started pacing around me with his saber pointing in my direction. "You are the fool, my old friend. The Dark Side has made you as blind as a mole. I followed Anakin without his knowledge so that I could face you. His intentions were pure, and you have almost destroyed him for it."
"Liar!" I screamed. "I sensed the plot as soon as you stepped into the clearing."
"There is no plot, Deryk. You have become paranoid and the Dark Side has twisted your judgment. Anakin loved you deeply, and there he lies on the brink of death. How you have fallen..." Mace readied his saber into the raised position.
"Don't you dare lecture me. If you had let us show our love for one another in the first place none of this would ever have happened. The consequences for this set out the day you exiled me. Now you must bear the consequences, Master Windu."
I attacked him immediately, and he deftly stepped back defending himself against me. My two sabers whirled like a tempest, and I moved faster than I had ever moved as a Jedi. I had to kill Mace Windu quickly. He was probably better than me with the saber, and probably even as a Jedi. If he adapted to my style, he would find a way to kill me. He crouched and dodged and managed to avoid every surgical strike I threw at him. He was a Master in the true sense of the word, and I could sense his calmness like a cool river flowing through a mountain canyon. It was enough to drive me to insanity with jealousy. He never tripped or stumbled. He was the perfect Jedi. Perfect! I once managed to slice the sleeve off his brown Jedi cloak, yet within minutes I found myself on the defense, despite two sabers blurring my vision with skill and power. I thought on Anakin, and I felt a pang of guilt. What if I had been wrong? I was pulled from my thoughts by the warm feeling in my right arm. I looked down at my right arm and saw Windu's saber had glanced off and provided me with a deep sear in my arm. My charred sleeve provided a small view of the burnt flesh on my arm. The heat increased and moments later I felt the white hot heat of pain envelop the area. I cried out in pain and dropped my purple saber. Mace stepped over the hilt, and blocked my access to it. I prepared to defend myself with my red saber using my left arm, but suddenly I feared defeat.
Looking up I sensed an opportunity, and saw a passing Naboo one-man transport flying overhead. Leaping a hundred feet into the air I landed on the roof of the transport, which veered wildly when the driver saw me land right in front of him. In a single motion I had sliced off the cockpit hood and used the Force to throw him out of the transport, probably to his death. I didn't care. Sheathing my saber, I leaped into the cockpit and steered around in a circle and sped off. I spared a glance to the ground below and saw Windu and his purple saber, bending over the body of the transport pilot checking to see if he could be helped. I saw Anakin's body lying motionless in the same place I had flung him earlier. My heart sagged.
"Please. I'll do anything, but please let him be alright," I whispered. I would never forgive myself for that, however it turned out. What was I becoming? I sighed and felt my eyes blur with tears. Speeding off into the horizon, I decided that I needed to head back to Coruscant. There was something I had to sort out there. Oh Anakin...
End of chapter 3
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