Legal Stuff: The author(me) retains rights to and title to this story.
Note: This story is fiction and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains no penetrative sexual acts between males YET and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.
Read at your own risk, okay. All names are made up and any similarities are just dumb luck.
The Plane Trip Chapter 1 By Fjord
I love airplanes. Since I was five years-old, I have wanted to experience flying. That dream I still have. I am now seventeen years-old and still an airplane virgin. And I'm also an actual virgin, in the real sense of the word. I am determined to lose my virginity before I turn eighteen though. That's about seven months from yesterday. I'm talking about the airplane thing, of course.
I am not a prude but all this peer pressure to lose my virginity (yes, that one) as soon as I can get 'it' up, is just a load of crap. Why would I want to lose my innocence just because some sex addicts decided to have sex by the age of fifteen or something? Why would I want to experience something that significant in my short life on this beautiful earth, just because some teens (jocks mostly) are so jaded by their loss (of virginity) that the only way for them to feel better is to pressure everyone else to go to their level. It figures, right? I know I come across as being a high and mighty dickhead but bear with me, please.
Anyway, I do jack myself off to relieve the pressure build up. And yes, the pressure builds up often. As I said, I'm not a prude. I am not saying that everyone who lost their virginity because of peer pressure is stupid. Some of them are pretty dumb but my point here is that kids do not have to be lemmings that jump off the cliff just because the other lemmings in front of them did.
However, we are in America and so everyone has his/her own life and he/she can do whatever he/she wants to with it, in theory at least. As for me, I want my life to be special. I want to hang on to my innocence for a bit longer until that special someone comes along (hopefully he's a virgin too). What I can't wait for is to be actually flying in an airplane.
It's twelve something midday and I am holding my dick. I'm thinking of my best friend Zack, not an airplane. Zack is a good looking six foot tall blond jock. He has his hair cut short, almost a crew cut but not. He is a slut in every sense of the word. I am bitter about this because Zack is not a virgin and he's having the best time of his life right now. He's a walking sex-machine. He gets his dick into any willing girl in sight. He tells me everything because I am his best friend. I'm like this confession booth that he goes to every time he experienced an orgasm. It made me sick every time I listened to his conquests. All the sex stories made me sad and, sadly, very horny too. I get ribbed by Zack all the time for still being a virgin at seventeen. I think I love him but I don't think it's gonna work out, ever. Ideally, I want a virgin as my first and he is definitely out of the equation. I should have kept my distance from him when he started to go out with the bitches but I guess I hung on to our friendship because of our history. We have been best friends since kindergarten. I feel that he needs me, and I know how pathetic that sounds. Every time our eyes meet, I can see his true self and I know beneath all that sexiness and cockiness is a person who just wants to be loved and accepted. See, I am a total wimp when it comes to this twisted friendship. The twisted part is me, if you haven't guessed it yet. Still, I'm an 'innocent' boy who likes to jerk off on the stories related to him by Zack, his best friend.
I have to stop pumping my uncooperative and softening penis. I'm not in the mood today. It's what Zack said two weeks ago that makes me so restless and pissed off until today.
"Jimmy, why don't you admit you're gay? It helps to let someone know...," Zack said while we lay side by side in my bed with just a few inches of still air between us. It was his usual ribbing, I hoped.
"Fuck you, man... I'm not gay... Although you wish...," I replied coolly, as usual. I forced a grin and glanced at him.
"You are... and I think you're in love with me...," Zack said without looking at me.
"I'm not gay, so how can I be in love with you," I replied casually but I was in shock. This was the first time he ever breached into that ever unspoken subject of me being in love with him. I could feel my heart beat faster.
"And I think you're still a virgin because of me...," Zack said in that stupid monotone he used when he's being serious.
"Why are you saying all this stuff?" I said as I got out of the bed and looked directly at him. Zack was not grinning as I had hoped for.
"I can't love you back, Jimmy. I'm sorry," Zack said with his eyes trained on mine. He said it with such pitiful look.
That was when I felt like the whole world crumbled beneath my feet. I just looked at him as I felt the room spinning around me. I almost fell onto the floor but I managed to steady myself by holding on to my study table.
"I love you Jimmy but just as a friend. Well, more than a friend actually. You're my best friend. We're like brothers," Zack continued while I avoided his gaze.
"Get out...," I said to him softly but firmly.
"Okay... we'll talk later...," Zack said and with that he just left without a backward glance.
But I didn't talk to him after that. I avoided him like a vampire would hide from the sunlight. People were talking behind our backs about the reasons the tightest friendship in the school had gone down the shit hole. Zack did try to talk to me but I just ignored him, and knowing me so well over all these years, he gave up after the third try. He knows I am a stubborn bastard. He knows me too well.
That is why I'm so depressed right now. That is why I feel like moving out of this county or better still, out of this country. I'm gonna make Zack regret everything he said to me. I'm gonna make him pay for being such a bastard. I'm gonna tell him he's no longer my best friend. It'll fuck him good for sure.
But deep in my heart, I know I'm just being a big baby about the whole thing. Still, I feel like screaming sometimes, just thinking of how Zack dragged me out of the closet that day. It's funny but deep inside, I knew that he knew but I wanted him to pretend not to know so that I can pretend that he doesn't know so that I will be able to pretend that I'm not in love with him so that he can pretend not to know. I know... It's real hard work for me too.
My bag is packed and ready at the foot of my bed. I'm going to New York to live with my aunt for the summer. She's an artist and a freethinker and unwed. That is the short description given to me by her older sister, my Mom. I talked to Aunt Megan on the phone a few days ago and she seemed nice. My parents have made all the arrangements. I'm gonna lose my virginity today at 1930 hrs on a United Airlines flight and somehow I'm not as excited as I thought I should be.
My bedroom door handle rattles. I locked it earlier for obvious reasons.
"Who is it?" I ask, irritated. Must be my naughty yet lovable younger brother Kenny, I think. He will get his just dessert when I open the door and...
"It's me...," Zack's voice answers to my surprise. "Just open the door, Jimmy." He sounds like he's in hurry. It is the first time he comes around since he left my house that shitty day. His bad timing never ceases to amaze me.
I get up off the bed, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and open the door. Gosh, he's so gorgeous in that fluorescent orange t-shirt. I gave it to him as a birthday present last February. The shirt's color gives a faint but sexy orange glow to his skin and that black Dockers contrasts so well. When he's this close, I realize how much I missed his presence and I hope he doesn't know but as I said earlier, I know he knows. Zack looks at me in the eyes. I avoid his blue eyes the moment he made eye contact. He looks agitated. Maybe he has the crabs from his last sex partner, I hope. But he always uses a condom, at least that's what he told me. Shit, why do I have to think that? The image of his hands slipping the condom over his penis pinkish head makes me feel sick in the perverted sense of the word.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to New York?" Zack asks as I walk back to my bed and lie down on it. My heart is beating fast and my mood is getting black.
"Look, the only reason I let you in here is 'coz Mom likes you so much. She's been asking for you and I don't want to make a scene," I reply as I gather my remaining intelligent and unaroused brain cells together. "I didn't tell you 'coz I didn't want to tell you. Why should you care where I'm going anyway?"
"I not gonna let you go anywhere without making things right with you," He says and pauses, "Are you going because of what I said? Jimmy, I'm sorry but I had to say it. You just wouldn't face the truth and I didn't want to lead you on anymore. I hoped you would have worked things out by now and we can be best friends again..."
"What the fuck does that mean?" I say to him harshly. All the feelings that he aroused in me evaporate as I realize how futile all my hopes were. He is just a selfish guy who loves the fact that his best friend loved him. "You think that this is all about you?"
Zack just looks me in the eye and says, "Yeah..."
"Fuck!" I almost shout. "You are such an idiot. From now on we're finished, okay! Sure! I'm the fag who has the hots for you. Now get the fuck out of my room and out of my life." Zack looks shocked and I'm feeling super glad. I feel like hurting his feeling so bad that he would go become a hermit or something. I want to hurt him so bad.
"Are you deaf? Get out!" I stand up and say as Zack looks on. I glare at him unflinchingly. He does not turn or even look away. He looks so lost and sad but I want to burn the bridge of our so-called friendship there and then. I want him out of my life forever. It hurts too much. It hurts too damn much.
"Zack...," I say softly and I notice how unsteady my voice is. He looks at me with hope in his eyes. I can see that he's crying and my heart just breaks. But I have to let him go. He's the one who asked for it and I will fulfill his request. It's the best for both of us, I think. "Don't ever come near me again. We are no longer friends. For all its worth, you were right. I do love you... And yes, I knew that you knew too. If you only kept your mouth shut, we'd still be friends. Truth is, I wasn't going to make any move because I know you're gonna say no and it would be all over between us. Now it's all over and it's all your fault. Goodbye and good luck with your life," I say to him and turned my back on him. I feel his eyes staring at the back of my head. He doesn't walk away as I had hoped.
"You're a coward. That's what you are. You're just a fucking coward who can't face the truth," He says after a pregnant silence that feels like an eternity of labor.
"Hey, it's over man. I'm officially no longer your best friend. So you can say whatever you want. Just leave," I say coldly. I turn to see him standing staring at me with a determined look.
"I know what you're doing. You wanna make me the bad guy. Okay, I can accept that, but giving up on our friendship is just you being a coward. I would never have rejected you if you had told me you loved me. I... I mean, I would have said that I don't love you the same way but I wouldn't have rejected you as a friend. In fact it would make our friendship even stronger because there would be no secrets between us," Zack replies.
"Whatever...," I say without a care while mustering my whole might to stop the tears from gushing out.
"Jimmy, I can't be your best friend and at the same time see you pining for me everyday without doing anything. I couldn't take it anymore. High school for us is almost over. You have to move on and find someone else. I can't love you like you want me to," Zack says firmly. Zack manages to touch a nerve. I still pine for him everyday. I pine for him now.
"I do not pine for you everyday and I never asked you to love me too... You should have just let it go...," I reply.
"I know you're upset but it's better this way. At least you know I don't hate you and that I don't love you that way too. You have to find someone else 'coz I am not him. I... I can't give you what you want," Zack says and somehow the stupid beaver designed sticks-and-flotsam dam inside me just gave up on me.
"Just leave Zack... This is hurting too much...," I say as I felt such unbearable pain in my heart.
"You think you're the only one that hurts, Jimmy. I'm feeling the pain too Jimmy, but I can't love you like that. I only know how to love you as a friend and brother. I'm sorry... I love you so much but I can't love you the way you want me to," He says and sobs a little. "Please Jimmy. You're like a part of me. You can't cut me off from your life. I need you, Jimmy..." I am rooted to the same place as I look on towards my best friend and soul mate through teary eyes. Zack is right. I have to forget about him.
"I can't stop loving you Zack... So, just go, okay... It hurts too much..."
"I'm not going anywhere. You'll find someone else Jimmy... I had hoped you would get over our talk by now but I guess I was wrong... You weren't ready... It was all my stupid brainless idea... But at least this way, you don't have to pretend anymore. I'll be there to support you... I'm not going away that easy Jimmy..."
I am not sure of what to say. He is right to say that I didn't have to pretend anymore. I have been carrying the burden too long and its time to let it go. He's right that I still need him as a brother and a friend. I know that he needs me too. I sit on the bed and Zack sits next to me. We sit there quietly for about five minutes, maybe more.
"You're right... I'm sorry. I'm still recovering from the shock, I guess...," I say to him quietly. Zack is quietly digesting my words but I know him well enough to see in my mind that infectious grin of his already forming on his pretty face.
"I knew you'd come around..."
"I meant you were right that it was a stupid brainless idea of yours...," I reply quickly and there is a slight pause before both of us laugh quietly at my stupid joke.
"I'm sorry for putting our friendship on the line like that...," Zack says.
"God, I'm so embarrassed right now...," I say as I looked at my feet.
"Don't be embarrassed Jimmy. I know how attractive I am...," Zack says playfully.
"See, that's one reason I shouldn't tell you anything...," I reply, grinning.
"Okay, Okay... I'm sorry...," Zack says.
"You couldn't fucking help it, I know..."
"Is that the familiar sarcasm I'm hearing?"
"Fuck, man, just stop it okay...," I say but I still can't look at him.
"Okay... But do you wanna lick my nipples? Feel my bum and nibble my ears... kiss me, please...," Zack says in jest.
"I haven't done anything with anybody. Full stop," I reply. "So I'm not gonna suck your dick okay, even if you beg me to... Heheh... Gotcha!" I say, trying to save a little bit of what's left of my dignity.
"Unless I suck you first, right? Anyways, it's only gay if I swallow. So what say you?" Zack is having the best time of his life at my expense. I decide to peg him down a notch.
I move closer towards him and look at him straight in the eyes. "Since we're being straight with each other, let's see if you really don't have any feelings for me too..." I say. I'm going to push the battle lines closer to his side and that will shut him up.
"What are you doing?" He asks nervously but doesn't even move a muscle.
"I'm going to kiss you..." I say, hoping that he will get off the bed in reflex and learn his lesson but he does no such thing. Instead he just sits there, waiting. I move my face closer to his and hold his head between my hands. It's like he wanted to know his real feelings for me as well. I can feel his warm breath and it smells like cigarettes. "You've been smoking..." I say and only then he jumps off the bed to get away from me.
He has this funny grimace on his face because he knows how much I hate smoking. He had stopped smoking since he was fifteen under my behest. He stopped cold turkey after I gave him an ultimatum. Stop smoking or find another friend because I wasn't going inhale his second hand smoke anymore.
"I was under real stress. You treated me like I was invisible, remember? It was all your fault. I thought I'd lost you."
"Why the hell did you start smoking again?"
"I just told you. I was under stress..."
"I asked you a question..."
"You made me do it..."
"That's not the right answer and you know it..."
"Okay, okay... I smoke because I have been duped by stupid and manipulative advertisements and movies that show teenage smoking as cool..."
"And...?"
"And the truth is, smoking makes my breath smell bad and I may get lung cancer as a bonus. Anyway, since we're still friends, I won't be so stressed anymore and will smoke no more," Zack says with a straight face.
I am mad at him for smoking again but his solemn face cracks me up even more. He grins at my reaction.
"So you're not mad at me anymore?" Zack says as he sits next to me.
"I guess not but I still need time. The truth is...," I hesitate as my feelings well up again. "The truth is...," I stop and realize how hard to be honest to Zack as well as myself.
"Jimmy, you can tell me... Remember what you told me last time? Well this time I am your rock. You can tell me anything," Zack says to me firmly and grip me softly on the shoulder. His touch makes me feel weak.
"Zachary, when I found out that I liked you..., I couldn't handle it... And I still can't. I feel like I'm so low...," I say as I choke back my tears.
Zack waits for me to continue.
"I didn't know how it happened. One minute you were my best friend and the next I wanted to touch your hair."
"When did you know?"
"Christmas day 2000... There were other times earlier but that Christmas was definitely the day I knew for sure. You gave me a hug outside the house. We were alone and everyone else was inside. I gave you a Gameboy and you were so happy. You told me you loved me."
"I do love you, Jimmy."
"I know but at that moment I knew I wanted more that just 'I love you man'. I wanted 'I love you Jimmy'."
"I'm sorry...,"
"Don't say that. I'm just being stupid. I'm so glad you still want me as a friend."
"Jimmy, get it in your head. I'm not going anywhere."
"Zack, when did you actually know about... You know... About me?" I ask, haltingly.
"Three years back...," Zack replies. "I caught you staring at me with that look on your face... Man, this is embarrassing."
"You tell me...," I say with a snort.
"Remember the day I won the regional basketball final for our school. I slam-dunked the basket in the last seconds. You were with our Moms and Kenny. You didn't jump up like everyone else. You just looked at me with that smile of yours. Then I got mobbed by everyone... but I remembered that look and after that I began to notice it more..."
"Sometimes, I just let my guard down. I'm sorry. Am I that obvious?"
"To some people, yeah...," Zack replies.
"God, people know?"
"Some of our close friends..."
"Who...?"
"I'm not telling you, besides they're fine with it and they love you."
"You're not making me feel any better...," I say slowly as I cover my face with my hands.
"There are some people in school that are interested in you..."
"Yeah, I know, the show-off singer of the school band sent me a note last February," I say before I could stop myself. I have never told him about the note. I wanted to protect my secret admirer.
"Randy Meister sent you a love note...," Zack asks with a surprised look on his face.
"His stage name is Randy Aster...," I reply in Randy's defence.
"Whatever... Why didn't you tell me?" Zack sounds disappointed and angry at the same time.
I tell him that I wasn't sure about his reaction then.
"You didn't have to worry, I'm not gonna tell on him..."
"Man, I didn't know why he was so sure I wasn't gonna out him. It was so stupid of him," I say, ignoring Zack's reaction.
"Hey, Jimmy... You have this reputation of being the school shrink. He probably thinks you're cool with it."
"Yeah, right, and I can't even help myself."
"So what happened next...?"
"I went to see him and told him the same thing you told me..." I say as my face gets redder. "He was okay with it. He tells me everything now."
"And you made me sweat for two weeks...," Zack says with some anger in his voice.
"I'm sorry..."
"I just don't understand you sometimes..."
"Ditto..." I say ruefully.
I lie down on the bed and Zack follows. We are lying side by side. I'm amazed Zack didn't even flinch when our shoulders touched. I look at him and see that he's eyes are closed.
"Stop staring at me...," Zack says with a smile.
"I can't. I think you're hot," I say with my huskiest voice. I can't believe I actually told him what I was thinking then.
"I'm not gonna turn gay... I'm not gonna turn gay... I'm not gonna turn gay... I'm not gonna turn gay...," Zack says repeatedly before I slap him in the abdomen.
"Stop it...," I say with a giggle.
"You started it with that sexy voice of yours... If anyone can turn me gay, it would be you...," Zack replies.
"Really...?" I say slowly.
He opens his eyes and glances at me. That twinkle in his eyes disappears as I slap him even harder on the stomach. "That's for being an asshole."
The nice thing about our friendship is that we can just sit or lie down together and just have our own thoughts. I begin to get a bit sleepy and decide to have a little nap. As I go deeper and deeper into my nap I think of his blue eyes staring at me. His face becomes clearer and the he smiles at me and then my heart just bursts with love and hot steamy blood rush into my dick. I open my eyes in an instant. The bright light makes me squint my eyes for a few seconds.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...," I reply, trying my best not to blush and to get hard. I don't think Zack can handle that yet. I mean the information that I have a hardon for him.
"You look so peaceful just now."
I decide not to ask him why he was staring at me in the first place. It doesn't matter anymore.
"What time is it?" I ask, changing the topic.
"Quarter to five... What time is your flight to 'Noo Yawk'?"
"Funny...haha... It's at seven thirty tonight."
"I'll send you to the airport."
"That's okay. Mom's driving me there."
"Oh, okay," Zack says in disappointment.
"Zack, I'll be back before summer ends... Anyway, you'll have your hands full with Laci this, and Laci that, the whole time."
"That's what I'm afraid of..."
"If she hears that, you're gonna have to play with yourself the whole summer man...," I say, laughing.
"Thanks for nothing..."
"Don't worry. Who's gonna tell?"
"That's why I love you so much."
"That's why I hate you so much."
"Liar..."
"Just one phone call from 'Noo Yawk' is enough to get you in trouble man. So be nice, okay."
"Man, I'm gonna miss you," Zack says. He is getting too misty-eyed for my taste.
"Crap! I thought I was the one in love." I say to him with a fake frown. I get a large grin from him for that remark.
"You amaze me man. I thought I was gonna lose you already."
"I thought I was gonna lose you too... I'm really grateful that we're still friends but things will be a little bit awkward for you and me for a while at least..."
"Why should it be awkward?" Zack asks.
"You don't think so?"
"Nope!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Well, now you know that you can look at me as much as you can 'coz I'm gonna let you, and there is no more guilt in having me as your jack-off star material... I can tell you now that I am honored," Zack replies with the largest grin I ever saw on his pretty face.
"You fucking dickhead...," I say as I launch my body at Zack. He's trapped under me, made helpless by his own giggles. "You've been waiting to say that to me, haven't you?" I ask.
He just nods with a big grin on his face as I sit on him. Suddenly, I realize how awkward my position is.
"I can't even sit on you now...," I say in mock despair as I roll off his body.
"Aww... come on Jimmy. I'll let you sit on me anytime..."
"Stop it... No more sexual innuendoes..."
"Okay...," He replies and somehow I know he really means it.
We keep the silence going for a while, not even looking at each other.
"If you really kissed me just now, I wouldn't mind," Zack says, out of the blue.
"I just wanted to get even... I wouldn't have gone through with it anyhow...," I reply nervously. I remember how close his lips were to mine.
"I know but I just wanted to tell you it's okay with me..."
"Thanks... Anyway, I gotta get ready for the flight," I say to Zack quickly before things get too awkward. I know that he saw my ready packed luggage already. Things are okay between us but I need some time for myself now. He needs some time for himself too.
"Okay, I gotta jet too...," Zack replies as he gets off the bed. I follow him to the door.
"Yeah, see you end of summer... You better go, I need to pack," I say, knowing that Laci is probably seeing him tonight.
Zack doesn't say anything as I turn away from him. I'm gonna miss him like crazy but it hurts even more when he's near me.
"Bye, Jimmy. Ca...Ca...Call me when you reach New York...," Zack stutters. The last time I heard him stutter was when Stacy, his first girlfriend kissed him in public. Here I go again, that memory stabs my heart again as a reminder that Zack is straight.
"Bye, Zack...," I say with a heavy heart. Suddenly, Zack turns me around to face him and then hugs me. I hug him back tightly as long as I dare to before I let him go.
"We're friends forever, okay..." Zack says as he looks at me and I nod my head slowly.
He hugs me again before he opens the door and leaves the room. And then I am left, all alone.
TBC...
I hope you like this one. If you want me to continue, please tell me at fyiord@yahoo.com. If you thinks it's crap then don't email me 'coz then I'll die of embarrassment. Seriously though, if you have any constructive criticism, I'm all ears.
By the way, this is my third story. The other two are in High School, i.e. Heartache (completed - Jan 31 2004) and Living In A Box (unfinished - Jul 19 2003) if you haven't read them yet.