Legal Stuff: I don't know NSYNC or any other celebrity mentioned. While real people are the basis of characters, they are characters here and do not represent the real lives, thoughts, or feelings of the real people. Again, these are characters based on them, not the real people themselves. If you are too young, or live in a location where it is illegal to read stories that include love between men, read no further! Like that would have ever stopped me...
It's Never Easy Chapter 11 --
The next morning saw us waking up and learning what a daily routine with four young kids would be like. Complaints of "I'm Hungry" and "I need to pee" kept us busy all morning. I was extremely glad we had Carmen to cook, as well as my two grandmothers to babysit. It helped us get out of the house in time to take care of business. Our first stop was to get our domestic partnership squared away.
We managed to get downtown fairly easily, get the domestic partnership papers signed and sealed, then headed for the attorney's office. We were done there within an hour and headed back home. I'd kept my cell phone off until then, and when I turned it on found eighteen voice messages. James had twelve on his, so we didn't bother answering them until we got home.
Of course, they started ringing again as soon as we put them down. My call was from Nanny. There was a problem with the funeral home and they needed to talk to me. I hung up from her and called the funeral home in Modesto. April's body was due to arrive later this evening and they would be picking it up no problem. The problem was that they were getting a high volume of calls asking when and where the service would be.
Based on the number of calls, there were over four or five hundred people that wanted to attend. As he started reading off the names he'd collected so far, I realized they were either Modesto's leaders, friends of April or my family, family members, or even some of my friends from Hollywood (I made a mental note to call Robin and Whoopi directly). He offered, for a fee of course, to find a larger venue for the funeral since his location would only hold about 200.
No sooner had I hung up, then the phone rang again. This time a pert British voice asked me to hold for His Royal Highness. Prince Charles was soon on the line expressing his condolences and once again inquiring if we were sure that having his son stay with us wouldn't be a bother. I laughed and asked him if he was nervous about his son staying with us with our recent string of events and he laughed. He then reminded me that the security agents would be arriving today for their initial set-up.
By the time we got into the driveway of our home, I'd fielded another two calls. One was from Korvan Studios. Tom expressed his condolences and then proceeded to ask me about some pre-production issues for shooting which was set to resume in three weeks. He then gave me some good news for the day.
Our location shoot to Moscow had been approved for March. I needed to get him a list of our family that would be going overseas with us before the end of next week so that they could get all the visas in order. We'd be filming scenes for five episodes there over a one-week period. It seems that I had some big fans in the bureaucracy there and they were salivating at the chance to see us film on location in their capital.
The other phone call was from the funeral home. The director had already gotten confirmation on a venue. The Orangeburg Baptist Church, one of the churches I had attended as a teenager, was willing to have the service there for a nominal fee ($2,000). Since the facility was large enough to hold over 1,500 people and had a large balcony we could limit the press to, I immediately agreed.
Yes, a Baptist church. There's something to realize here. Not all Baptist churches would send people to rehab centers and subject them to electroshock therapy in a vain effort to change sexual orientation. There are many who believe in showing kindness and sympathy to everyone, regardless of whether their beliefs match. This church was one of that kind, and I was very happy to accept their offer. Plus it was a very beautiful church on the inside and April had loved going there when she was younger.
I called the pastor of the church as James and I entered the house and talked to him for a few minutes. There were a lot of preparations to be made, and talking to him was very pleasant. He'd been a friend of my father's and very politely asked if I would mind him giving the funeral sermon and the graveside service. I agreed, of course and we finished arranging the details just in time.
The kids finally noticed I was home and stampeded from the entertainment room to tell me about everything they'd done that day. While Tyler and Jordan were talking miles a minute, Cindy and Kali wandered over to James and got him to pick them up while they told him all about their day. I noticed Nanny and Grandma standing in the doorway of the entertainment room, both smiling at us.
"I'm hungry." Tyler complained after finishing telling me about how Chris had shown him this `kewl' move on Super Mario Brothers. I laughed and headed into the kitchen where Carmen was just finishing some sandwiches for lunch. I took the kids out to the dining room where we all proceeded to eat. I noticed that the boys switched off and were talking to James while the girls were giving me their undivided attention.
It was just as we finished lunch, and were taking the kids upstairs to the bathrooms that the doorbell rang. Carmen answered it, and escorted in two men dressed in dark suits. James finished taking the kids upstairs while I went to greet the visitors.
"Harry Longsworth." The first man said as I shook his hand. His accent told me he worked for the British side of security. "I will be Prince William's Agent-in-Charge while he is here."
"Barry Combs" the second man said, shaking my hand as well. "I'm with the State Department's Diplomatic Security Service. We will be providing back up to the British security agents as well as a car and driver."
"Welcome gentlemen." I said, smiling at them. At least they were being polite.
"I'm sorry to hear about your recent loss." Harry said, and I actually believed him.
"Thank you." I said. "I assume you'll be wanting a tour?"
"If you don't mind." Barry said.
"Not at all." I told them, and began to give them a tour of the house and grounds. Both men seemed to be really happy with the facilities we had set aside for the security detail, and even more satisfied with the electronic wiring that had been accommodated already. They went over their basic plans in detail with me, and I gave my approval for the changes they would be making.
Hell, they were paying for new electronic gates at the front entrance. Most of the work would only take a few days to complete, so we agreed that they should begin as soon as we left for April's funeral. We would be gone for two days, and they planned to have all the major work completed by then. After that, it would be a simple matter of offloading and installing their various pieces of equipments. He also discussed the panic buttons that would be distributed to all members of the household, except the younger kids.
It was at that point that I realized just how much of a difference having William and his security here would make. I almost called Prince Charles to tell him I changed my mind, but then realized it would make our family safer overall. Or so I hoped.
By the time we were done, six more phone calls had accumulated on my cell phone and James had brought the kids downstairs. They were all staring at the two strangers, but Harry soon won them over with his charming smile. That was a good thing since he would be around quite a bit from here on out. I spent the afternoon playing with the kids in the entertainment room while answering phone calls, and making a few of my own.
It was at dinner that James asked me why I wasn't having the PA at Free Lance do more of this work. I blushed, totally having forgotten that there was a person there that was paid to take care of all the little details of my life for me. I picked up the phone immediately after dinner and called him. It turns out he'd been just as busy answering a whole bunch of phone calls and gleaning details from conversations with James throughout the day. I apologized for not contacting him sooner and then passed on all the details of decisions I'd made and then gave him general ideas as to how I wanted things done.
He was damn good. He already had our tickets for tomorrow's flight, hotel reservations (Nanny and Grandma's houses were pretty much empty and none of us wanted to stay there just yet), and limo. He committed to talking to the people I wanted to be pallbearers and even managed to get a press release sent out with the appropriate details to the major news agencies.
He worked until 11:00 p.m. that night and got up the next morning at 4:00 a.m. to get back to work. When I found out about his hard work, I talked to James about him. Turned out the guy was through a temp agency. Free Lance had been going through PA's like crazy so they'd gone to temp services for a while. I told James I wanted this kid permanent. James hired him the next week with a salary boost and assigned him to me full-time.
If I remember right, his name was Carl. I still forget his name all the time. With all the guys along, and my family, we pretty much took up the entire first class section on the flight to San Francisco, and half the seats on the turboprop into Modesto. It was a good thing the limo was there because the press had the terminal filled. We escaped to the hotel and our rooms (no one wanted to deal with the half-empty homes of my grandmothers). The rest of the day was taken up with James and I running around town getting the final preparations for the funeral done, while cousins and other family members visited at the hotel. There were some tense moments with the various Aunts and Uncles, but everyone was on their best behavior.
The next day was dominated by the viewing. The kids were emotional wrecks and Nathan ended up taking them back to the hotel with a couple of the cousins while James and I stayed with Nanny and Grandma. I don't know who was worse, them or I. That night I cried in James' arms until all five of the kids (Nathan included) joined us in bed. Then it was time to be strong while they cried.
The funeral was beautiful. The church was filled to capacity, and so many people came by to pay their respects that I was totally amazed. Most of the cast, and many crewmembers from my show were there, as were almost every relation we had. Friends I hadn't seen since high school all came up to express their condolences. The caravan to the cemetery was about three miles long.
Once again, the guys gave a wonderful a capella version of "Amazing Grace" at the graveside. My cousins all served as the pallbearers. I sat there with Tyler and Cindy in my lap in the chairs next to the coffin and shuddered as I realized the grave covered by the outdoor carpeting that our chairs were on was my mother's. It felt very weird. The wake service after that was held in the ballroom at the hotel, and was still packed with people. The kids mingled with their distant cousins (my cousins' kids) and rebounded the way only kids can from the grief of earlier.
That night we once again were bombarded by a swarm of kids. It's a good thing winter was coming on fast, or we'd have burned up from all the body heat. That was also the night that we learned Jordan was developing a bed-wetting problem.
The flight back to LA was quick and painless, as was the ride back to the home. It was over the next few days that we developed a routine in our lives. We had already decided that Tyler and Kali wouldn't be registered for school until after Thanksgiving, and that they would be going to a private school. Recent events had made them far too high profile for public schools.
We also began interviews for a governess during the day. Cindy was still too young for pre-school, and it appeared that Jordan was developing some emotional problems that would hamper his socialization with other children. We weren't going to have him traumatized any further by other kids.
Have you ever noticed that young kids can be extremely cruel? I remembered that fact from my pre-schooling and refused to subject Jordan to it while he was suffering from emotional problems. James and I also started seeing a Family Counselor to help us with raising kids. We were finding ourselves in deeper and deeper holes every time the kids asked a question and wanted some help in developing our parenting strategies.
It was the following Tuesday that we had our court hearing for the adoption. Everyone was all dressed up and on their best behavior. Nathan's adoption was a breeze, with the California social services recommending for approval. Normally the adoption of the other four kids would have been more problematical, but I was their uncle, and James and I were now domestic partners. California law specifically recognized co-adoption by partners, and since I was closely related to them, the usual delays didn't apply. It helped that no one had filed an objection to the adoption except for the Traditional Values Coalition, who were not even heard by the court.
We walked out of that courthouse secure in the knowledge that unless we abused these kids, we would never have to worry about someone taking them away again. I felt relieved and we went out to dinner that night with press following us everywhere. It was nice, and when Tyler asked me if that meant they would live with me forever now, I told him yes. He smiled and called me "Dad" for the first time.
Jordan never wet the bed again after that day.
Towards the end of the week, Prince William arrived. I was surprised at how well he fit into our home routine. He was fascinated with the younger kids and spent the first few days doing nothing but playing with them and unpacking his room. He had a special orientation on Friday to attend at the University, and he asked me to go with him. I was impressed with the graduate courses in Art History and Archaeology that he was taking, and with the professors he would be working with.
No, this was not typical of all student orientations for grad students at this school. However, William was anything BUT a typical student. There were many issues of protocol, safety, etc. that had to be dealt with. Over the weekend, James took him shopping in a local mall, wearing the classic disguise of a hat and sunshades.
It didn't work. They were mobbed before they'd finished half their shopping.
What were they shopping for? Well, let's just say all of William's clothes were perfect for English universities and social situations. They weren't perfect for Southern California. We wanted him to be able to blend in more with his surroundings instead of sticking out like a sore thumb.
Of course with people gathering at our gates every day, hoping to catch a glimpse, I wondered how he wouldn't stick out. Still, every little bit did help. It was after the weekend, and a trip to the outlet malls in the desert, that my week at work began. It was a short week since Thursday was Thanksgiving, but it was jammed with meetings. I had meetings with the cast, I had meeting with pre-production staff, directors, set designers, costume designers, make-up artists, and location staff for the upcoming March shoot in Moscow. I also had meetings with top brass at the Studio who wanted to discuss some details of the show's scheduling.
It turns out they were moving back to its original night and time. Although ratings continued to be high on that night, they weren't as high as the original night and time, resulting in lower advertising sales. Money's the bottom line, and they recognized that the original night and time drew the biggest, best audience for this show.
They also wanted to do a feature length movie. I had nightmares of the X-Files film, but promised to think about the proposal. It didn't help that they gave me the figures on what I could earn, and the name of a few big shot directors who had already volunteered to direct the movie.
Thanksgiving dinner itself was fantastic. All the guys had gone home to their families (Josh had even dragged Manuel home with him.) so it was just our immediate family there, and Prince William. He'd never celebrated Thanksgiving before, as it is a distinctly North American tradition. He was fascinated by the dinner itself, American football on the tely, and the traditional passing out of the men on the couch. I guess it was hilarious to see William, Nathan, James, and I all passed out with Tyler and Jordan squeezed in between us; all of us with the button of our pants undone. I know Nanny thought it was hilarious because she took a picture of us like that.
William had it framed and sent to his father as a memento of American traditions.
After the long weekend, Tyler and Kali started school. Neither understood why they had to wear uniforms for this school when they didn't have to at their old one. William actually helped with that, telling them about how he had to wear uniforms all through school back home. He was something between an older brother and an uncle to them at this point, so his explanation mollified them. I dropped them off to school before heading into work.
The first day back after the break was hell. We were just doing blocking but everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. It was around 8 p.m. that I got a call from a scared Tyler asking if I was ever coming home. I felt real guilty, and even more guilty when I found him passed out on the couch next to James when I did get home. It was almost one a.m. at that point. I woke James up and then carried Tyler to bed, tucking him in his own bed.
Tuesday, it was James' turn to take the two older kids to school. Work was even busier, but I managed to get out of there by 9:00 a.m. Tyler was up, waiting for me and wouldn't let go of me until he passed out two hours later. He was scared I wouldn't be coming home.
It was after that event that James and I worked out a solution. If I was going to miss dinner, they would drive out to the set and have dinner with me there. If James was still working, Nathan would leave the set and drive them out there for dinner. December passed by in a rush, and the kids were gone for their paternal Grandma's before I knew it. Prince William had also flown home to spend the Holiday with his family, and was set to return after Boxing Day. This year, we had invited most of my cousins without families, and some of James' cousins without families, to spend the holiday with us. It was a wonderful time, actually.
The kids returned on time, and we picked them up at the airport. They were excited by their visit, but all of them happy to be home. They'd called every day while they were gone, but having them back was sweet. They even opened all their presents that same morning so they were even more excited.
Before I knew it, it was New Years Eve, and James and I were flying to New York.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about this, didn't I? Well I was trying to forget about it as well. You see, James and I had been invited to be on MTV's New Year's Eve special, and act as co-hosts for the event. Sure, he was prepared for something like this, but I wasn't.
I mean, have you ever tried to read the teleprompter after five glasses of champagne? It's a pain in the ass. It didn't help that our kids were watching us on television, except for Nathan who was out partying with Keith (One of the younger actors from my show.). I flubbed quite a few lines, but ended up getting a lot of laughs. Our New Year's kiss was rated as one of the hottest on T.V. that night.
Yes, things were finally looking up for us.
Guess how long that lasted? All the way until our plane landed in LA the next day. Nanny was at the airport to pick us up instead of Nathan. Her face was grim and what she told us definitely ruined our hopes of a better year starting out. Nathan had been arrested at a party on New Year's Eve (actually New Year's Day since it was at 4:00 a.m.).
The police had arrested him for underage drinking, and possession of an illicit substance. The last charge was dropped because all they had was an empty baggy on him with only the slightest residue of cocaine. He had refused a drug test, and since he hadn't been in a vehicle his license was not suspended for that.
It was, however, suspended for his inebriation arrest under a new California law for underage drinkers.
We got home and both of our expressions were grim. We greeted our four younger kids who excitedly babbled on about watching us on T.V. Then it was time to deal with Nathan. He was sitting on a couch in my office, and we joined him, sitting on either side of him. He was looking dejected, hanging his head and just staring at his feet.
"I'm sorry." He murmured before either of us could say anything.
"That's a start." James said softly, and Nathan lifted his head a little to look at him, hope filling his eyes.
"But only a start." I said, causing Nathan to stare at me a little harder.
"First, let's establish what happened." I said, and Nathan hung his head again.
"Well, the police came in..." He started, but James interrupted.
"No, start from the beginning, when you left the house." James told him.
"Well, Keith and I got in the jeep and we drove to the party." Nathan began, looking down and mumbling. "It was in an old warehouse and was being put on by some people Keith knew. We had to pay a hundred bucks at the door. I started drinking and I guess I got pretty drunk, then the cops busted us and I got put in jail. Nanny bailed me out."
"How much did you have to drink?" James asked.
"I don't know." Nathan half-whined.
"Nathan." I said in a low voice, filled with warning.
"About 8 beers and a lot o shots." He murmured so low I could barely hear him.
"So you knew you were getting way drunk?" James asked.
"Yeah." Nathan murmured. "I was just trying to keep up with Keith."
"Really?" I asked, not believing him totally.
"I don't know!" Nathan half-shouted and started to stand. My hand on his arm stopped him totally. He sat back down.
"Okay, I was angry." He said.
"Angry at whom?" I asked.
"You." He whispered.
"ME?" I asked, my voice squeaking. "Why are you angry at me?"
"Because you don't spend any time with JUST ME! It's always Tyler, or Jordan, or Kali, or Cindy. I don't get to spend any time with you anymore!" Nathan half-shouted, half wailed.
"Nathan." I whispered, struggling to think clearly. "There very well might be a lot of truth in what you're saying, but getting drunk isn't the way to handle it."
"I know." He murmured.
"Then why did you do it?" James asked.
"Because Keith was drinking and it just felt good to let go for once." He replied.
"Is that why you tried the coke?" I asked, and he stared at me for a moment, squirming.
"I didn't..." he started to say, but I interrupted him.
"Good, then if you didn't do any drugs we'll take you down right now and have a lab do a blood test. That way we can prove you didn't do anything." I said, smiling at him.
"Um," Nathan said, and my heart dropped a little. "I did do some."
"How much?" I asked.
"About a quarter." He answered.
"Was this your first time?" James asked him.
"No." Nathan muttered, hanging his head.
"How long have you been doing drugs, and what have you tried?" I asked him, my voice rough and tears in my eyes.
"Since Thanksgiving." He said softly. "I've done some weed, coke, and a little E."
"How often?" I asked him.
"Just on the weekends." He said defensively. "It's not like I'm addicted or anything."
"I want you to go wait outside for a moment." I told him, and he got up and left. James and I just looked at each other for a few seconds, then began discussing options. We decided on a course of action and called him back into the room. This time we told him to stand in front of us while we talked to him. He stood there, head hanging down until I barked at him to stand up straight like a human being. He snapped his head up and met our eyes with his own tear-filled eyes.
"Nathan, what was the rule we established with you regarding drinking?" James began our dialogue.
"Never get overly drunk and always do it in a safe place." Nathan recited, then added in "But I thought it was a safe place!"
"Were you arrested?" I asked him.
"Yes." He murmured and started to drop his gaze, but lifted it back to mine a split second later.
"Then was it safe?" I pressed.
"No." He answered.
"What was our rule on drug use?" I asked him.
"No drugs, ever." He said.
"Did you break that rule, too?" James asked.
"Yes." Nathan murmured.
"You're in legal trouble for this." I reminded him. "They've dropped the drug charge, so you won't answer to the law for that. You will however lose your license."
"Can't you hire a lawyer to get me off?" He demanded. "I mean..."
"You're guilty." James said. "We expect you to plead guilty. We'll try to get the DA to go easy on you, but you will plead guilty in court."
"But..."
"You do have a choice Nathan." I told him. "We've adopted you, and we aren't going to abandon you, but neither are we going to accept this behavior. You're playing with fire here, son, and the line between casual use and addiction is far too easy to cross over. I know, I've been there and I won't let you go there without fighting you every step of the way."
"Until you turn 18, we have legal control over your life, son." James said slowly. "So far, we've never exercised it fully because you've been a good kid, but now you've messed up in a major way, and we have to take action because we love you and don't want you to destroy your life before it has started."
"Everyone says that to their kids." Nathan replied hotly. "Hell, dad, you've done worse in your life and you are fine."
"No, I'm not." I told Nathan. "I'm diabetic, and have been because of my drug use. I have a liver that if I'm not careful will fail on me, and I've had three operations in the last five years on my kidneys because of complications from alcohol and drug use. I'm okay now because I watch what I eat, don't abuse myself with drugs or alcohol, and I keep in shape. If I hadn't stopped when I did, I'd have been dead within a few months."
"Oh," Nathan said, staring at me for a few moments.
"Right, `oh'." Was my reply. "You turned on that good ole teenage selective hearing and only listened to the parts you wanted to hear. You forgot about the rest."
"I'm sorry." He said hanging his head.
"That's what you said at the beginning." James said, taking my hand in his. "Now, you have two choices here. Three really, but we're hoping you don't choose the third."
"What are they?" Nathan asked in a low voice.
"First," James said, holding a finger. "You will agree to not touch any alcoholic beverages without our express permission until you are twenty-one. You will also agree to never touch drugs again and to see an out-patient center for drug use until they tell us you don't need to anymore. I want to stress that THEY will decide that, not any of us. You will also agree to random tests so long as you live in this house or we are in any way providing you with financial support."
"You don't trust me?" Nathan whispered.
"We did trust you, and you abused that trust." I said sternly. "It will take you a long time to earn it back. We won't just give it to you."
"In addition." James continued. "You will explain to the rest of this family, including William what you did and what our conditions are for you continuing to remain in our household. We'll reinforce that with them as the kids get older, but this won't be swept under the carpet. Also, right now, the press hasn't gotten wind of this. If they do, YOU will make a statement to them that we will approve regarding your situation. Finally, you will plead guilty in court and abide by the court's decision."
"Isn't that harsh?" He asked.
"Yes, and you were warned that if you abused our trust we'd make it harsh." James said.
"What's option two?" Nathan asked.
"It's tougher." I told him. "You will plead guilty and abide by the court's decision. As soon as the next semester begins, you will be sent to a boarding school that does not allow you off-campus except when you visit home. When you do have time off from school, you will be confined to the house. On your eighteenth birthday when our legal obligation to you is over, you will move out of the house and live off the stipend your trust fund gives you until you turn 21. After that point, you can cash out the trust fund and use it for whatever you want. However, if you come to us for help or spend all of it then need more money, you will find that our conditions will be very similar to your first option."
"And my third option?" Nathan asked, turning white.
"You can run away from here or from the boarding school." James said. "If you do that, we'll hire detectives to track you down and put you into a boarding school. Every time you runaway, we'll repeat the cycle until you turn eighteen. After that, you can expect your trust fund payments and no other support from us until you agree to condition number one."
"Why are you being so mean?" Nathan wailed.
"We're being tough." I said, letting sympathy into my voice. "Nathan, we love you and we refuse to stand by and let you ruin your life without at least trying to intervene. It's impossible to trust drug users, we all know that. Look at what happened to my sister and her husband. So long as you use drugs, we don't want you here in this house because we can't trust you. That doesn't mean we don't want you here or that we don't love you."
"We love you a lot, Nathan." James said, leaning forward. "We love you enough to let you go if we have to, but we will fight to help keep you alive and doing well in your life. However, we can't force you to quit drugs or being self-destructive. All we can do is be firm enough in our convictions to encourage you to do the right thing."
"In this case, doing the right thing is going to be hard, but it will leave you able to achieve things in life that being a drug user won't." I said, leaning back as Nathan thought things over.
"I choose number one." He said after a few moments. We both smiled and got up to give him a hug.
"Good, son." James said. "Now, get your coat and let's go."
"Go where?" Nathan asked.
"To the clinic for your first drug test." James said, still smiling. Nathan's shoulder's slumped.
"You guys meant every word, didn't you?" He asked.
"Yes, we did." I said. "We love you too much to let you off easily on this one. You can expect at least one drug test a week at random from now on. You can also expect us to occasionally test you twice or three times a week if we see behavior that indicates you're partying right after you pass a test. Nathan, you've begun using drugs and you have to earn our trust back."
"You didn't have to earn trust..." He began to say to me.
"I had to earn my mother's trust." I interrupted. "When I first met you, I hadn't used drugs in years, and I haven't since."
"Oh." Nathan said softly, then shrugged his shoulders and followed James out. As soon as they were gone, I started crying.
I just hoped we'd handled things the right way.