Legal Stuff: I don't know NSYNC or any other celebrity mentioned. While real people are the basis of characters, they are characters here and do not represent the real lives, thoughts, or feelings of the real people. Again, these are characters based on them, not the real people themselves. If you are too young, or live in a location where it is illegal to read stories that include love between men, read no further! Like that would have ever stopped me...
A Phone Call -- Chapter 15
You would thing that after coming out, things would have settled down some for us, right? Ok, who the hell am I kidding? The revelation that David Young and Lance Bass were a couple ended up hitting Hollywood and the entire nation like a firestorm. The day after the earthquake, we made just about every newspaper and news station across the country.
Talk about instant media swarm.
We had to hire security for the condo. Manuel moved out of Josh's because he was too worried that he'd be outed as well (Manuel didn't want to be outed, Josh was ambivalent). Mail, and phone calls poured into Korvan Studios as well as Jive Records. You want to know what was surprising? Most of them that went to Jive were supportive. I got the hate mail.
I also got egged on my way into the studio by a group of NSYNC fans. Then there were the boycotts. The religious groups all boycotted my show, and NSYNC. NSYNC fans boycotted my show, and die-hard sci-fi fans lambasted NSYNC. They even conducted a denial of service attack on the NSYNC web site. Of course the media was reporting all of this, and the late night talk show hosts (including Leno) were scoring damn good jokes on us right and left.
We took turns crying each other to sleep every night for the first week. Saturday Night Live even joined in on the fun. Their sketch about "NSYNC in SPACE!" was actually one of their better numbers. You know, they made a sketch about me writing a space show for NSYNC. The entire sketch revolved around everyone looking for one or another of us on the set and always finding us making out in corners, behind props, etc. It was actually one of their funnier skits on that episode, although they did blow things out of proportion. James and I are not always kissing and cuddling. We do go to the bathroom sometimes.
Why do religious protestors always feel the need to shout at the top of their lungs that I'm going to hell? Do they really think that they're going to scare me into submission? Or do they just get a high off of it and want to make my life a pain in the ass? I really am sorry about that water truck valve that somehow got stuck in the `open' position and drenched all of them. Really, I do feel sorry about that. By the way, the police could have dusted the valve for prints and they wouldn't have matched them to mine.
Which reminds me, have you ever tried to wear gloves in LA? It's just too warm.
The good news for NSYNC was that we were several months away from their new album being released. Hopefully, all the furor would be dying down over before it was released. Like I said, hopefully.
Joey even got into the fray. He released a single that was basically a spoof of the NSYNC song Girlfriend'. Yup, he changed it to Boyfriend' and really got a kick out of making fun of us. Unlike the other people though, he was doing it with love and affection (that's what I keep telling myself. Shut up). He had a copy of it framed and hung in the condo. He also managed to get to #4 on the charts with the song. I'm scared now. I can see Joey becoming another Weird Al in five or ten years. You should be scared too, believe me, please.
So, when my show premiered two weeks later, amid all this scandal and media attention, and with so many groups boycotting it, guess what happened? Advertisers bailed right and left until we barely had enough that the first showing would break even on costs. Then the show aired.
11.6 share, thank you very much. The advertisers came flooding back, demanding air time for the next week We tripled our prices on all of those that canceled the first time. They bitched, but they also paid. You want to know who was the most popular character? Chad Allen's bartender. Do you remember me mentioning that he was a pretty boy who did drugs, got drunk, and slept with every man or woman who crossed his path?
Talk about Christian groups going insane. I swear I could see thousands of preachers going purple in the face, ranting and raving about the immorality of my show. Too bad that in the fourth episode Chad's character paid a bitter price. The night it aired, there was a tremendous spike in drug counseling hotline activity.
No, I didn't rub the religious zealots noses in that little fact. I ground them head first into the mud with it. I went on Larry King and argued head to head with the Rev. Lou Sheldon. I've never had as much fun in my life. I especially loved it when he leaped over the table and tried to strangle me. I got to flip him off me and throw him across the room on national television. What was even better was the public reaction. They couldn't believe that bad preacher attacked poor, innocent `ole me. The fact that my lawsuit subsequently wrecked him financially was only the frosting on the cake.
By November, things were turning around. NSYNC had originally planned on releasing their album in 2004, but it was moved up for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was something called Christmas Shopping season. The hate mail slowed to a trickle, while the fan mail was steadily increasing. Free Lance turned from being music oriented to television and film. This gave James more time in LA with me, and gave me an agency to contract with for actors and behind the scenes staff. It also brought in a heck of a lot more money. Peter left us for a good job at his father's label, and we replaced him with four new staff members. One of them did nothing but handle fan mail. Yes, it was getting that bad.
James left, along with the rest of the group, on their mini-tour. I couldn't go because of a problem with some of the episodes that were in post-production. Manuel couldn't go either because of the same reason. Nathan joined them for Thanksgiving, but was stuck at home with us attending school the rest of the time.
Okay, he wasn't spending much more than half his time at home these days. You see, he'd found himself a boyfriend. They took turns spending the night at each other's houses. Yes, they were having sex. Nathan told me when he asked me to buy him some rubbers. James and I had a really long talk about the situation and realized there was no way we could stop them. I bought him the rubbers, some lube, and had a very, very long talk with him about sex. You know, it was a good thing. Nathan told me a week later that he and his boyfriend Evan had actually decided to hold off on anal sex thanks to our discussion.
I hid my smile real, real well. It wouldn't do to be caught gloating by him at that point.
November rolled by, and I visited my hometown, and my grandmothers. My surviving grandfather was now in the final stages of Alzheimers. Let me tell you, I'm not scared of dying, but I am scared of that disease. If I thought he could do it, I'd beg James to kill me if I ever was diagnosed with it and got that bad. Thanksgiving was a quiet affair. James and Nathan were both in New York while Manuel and I were working feverishly to get some problems with the effects on the show worked out. Instead of trying to do any big dinner for Thanksgiving, Manuel and I bought enough food for 5,000 meals and served them at a homeless shelter downtown. Donations had been down that year, so we called in to a radio show and told them we'd buy, and serve.
Of course, no one knew who Manuel was, but they knew my name. I started my first Hollywood trend. Celebrities by the dozen picked a specific shelter and donated all the food for the Thanksgiving meal. Even more, especially the haven't-quite-made-the-big-bucks celebrities volunteered to serve at those shelters. The national press had a field day running stories on it, and even focused on me as having started the trend.
I hired a private investigator to find out what the organizers of the religious protests and boycotts were doing, then gave all of her findings to a national news anchor I had been interviewed by a few times. They ran that story the day after Thanksgiving. I couldn't help but enjoy the contrast between the evil homosexual and the righteous religious leaders and what they did on Thanksgiving. Especially when they showed pictures of Nathan and James doing the same thing in New York before the concert that night. Yeah, all the guys were there as well. There's something immensely satisfying about the evil homosexual serving the less fortunate a Thanksgiving dinner, and not even requiring the people to listen to a sermon, while the `pious' religious leaders hosted big banquets in nice large houses with several politicians as their personal guests.
That pretty much ended the great morality debate.
Unfortunately, that was not the end of the problems we faced. In early December, a fire ravaged one of our sets. It was later found to be arson, and an investigation was begun. Three NSYNC concerts were delayed due to bomb threats, and an actual bomb was found on the third instance. That was when the FBI became involved. The day after the NSYNC bomb was found, a similar device was found on the set of my show and the FBI took over the arson investigation as well. I started getting death threats, and obtained a concealed weapons permit in California, Arizona, and Florida. I did buy a handgun, despite my desire to never own one again. I then spent a week teaching Nathan gun safety.
I don't like guns. I'm too good with them.
I no longer got to drive my beautiful Mustang. Instead the studio had a driver and car take me everywhere. Nathan, who was back now, also got a driver to take him around. He loved it, I hated it. A week later, the FBI made several arrests in both cases. They were all from the most vehement anti-gay protest groups in the country. The gun got locked away in a gun safe with a trigger lock.
Thos protests put the last nail in the coffin of the groups that were boycotting NSYNC and my show. Sure, the televangelists tried to keep the fires burning, tried to keep painting us as the greatest evil threat to modern American. Fortunately for us, no one was listening to them.
We did however, get named as Hollywood's Hottest Couple of the year. I was just feeling too down to get overexcited by the award. You see, I had discovered the problem that besets most Hollywood couples. We both had careers, and those careers were keeping us apart. I missed him every day, every night, every minute. Phone calls helped, but they weren't enough. I even took to wearing his socks and underwear (although they were a tight fit) just to feel closer to him. Nathan and Manuel both noticed my mood, and tried to cheer me up. Unfortunately it wasn't working. The only thing that kept me going, though was the news that James would be back in town on the 23rd. As that day grew closer and closer, I got happier and happier.
Maybe that's why I decided to go to the record company party on the 21st. I was feeling good, excited that in two more days my James would be there. Manuel was staying home with Nathan and Evan, so it was just me that stepped out of the limo and walked up the red carpet. Smiling for the cameras and ignoring stupid questions was now becoming old hat to me and I had no problems getting inside.
It was boring. Everyone was coming up to me, yapping about everything under the moon. I started with a Jack and coke. By the fourth, it wasn't quite as bad. I was just nodding and making small comments now, but people seemed satisfied. I was wondering why I knew so few people there beyond a face and name when a sexy voice behind me spoke up. I smiled as I turned around and faced the speaker.
"I hate these damn parties." The voice had said.
"Why, Rob Thomas," I replied smiling. "However can you say such an awful thing about these wonderfully boring, arrogant snobs?"
Okay, that definitely got a laugh, and a lot of stares as we both giggled hard. Since my drink was empty, we ambled over to the bar, talking like old friends. A few hours later, we were stumbling arm in arm out the door of the party and into my car. I named off a club to the driver and we were on our way. We sat in the back of the limo, shoulders touching, my arm around him and just giggled.
Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to tell Shania Twain that she was hot enough to make a gay man drool. Or to ask that blond guy from Lifehouse how many guys he had slept with. Sure, he was the ultimate pretty boy, but well, he could hit pretty good, too.
We stumbled out of the limo and into the club. The bouncer even held the door for us as screams went up from the people in line. We went inside, sat at the bar and looked at the dance floor. That was when Rob ordered the line of tequila shots.
You want to know something? Doing six tequilas like that is deadly. The last thing I remembered was looking into his eyes, and drowning into them as we leaned in towards each other. Here I was, with this guy I had a crush on, one hell of a man, and I wanted to taste him. I guess he wanted to taste me too because he met me halfway.
As we pulled back from the kiss, I grabbed his arm and we were back out to the car. We stumbled into the hotel room I had just rented, and collapsed onto the bed together. Our arms were wrapped hugging each other tight, and our tongues were dancing together. He wrapped me in his strong legs and I felt like I was being sucked inside of him. My arm snaked all the way around him and I began running my hands through is curly dark hair. That was when I saw something gleaming on my hand.
It was the ring James had given me before leaving on tour. Like the ring I gave him, it was platinum, but it had a ruby surrounded by diamonds instead. I stared at that ring, and Rob noticed I had stopped responding to his kissing.
"What?" he slurred.
"I can't Rob, I can't." I whispered, tears in my eyes. "I'm with James."
"What?" Rob asked, angry now. "You mean that little boy-band pretty boy? You don't need him. You want me, I know it, come here and let me show you how a real man can please you."
"Rob, no!" I nearly screamed, but my speech was slurry and my head was spinning. He grabbed my shirt and ripped it off of me. I groaned as he began licking my nipples and my chest. I tried pushing him off, but he only pushed me back on the bed. That was when he began unbuckling my belt. I tried to push him off, but I couldn't seem to make my hands move right. The room was spinning now as he pulled my pants down and turned me over. He kept on whispering to me, apparently taking my quiet whimpers and woozy protests as encouragement.
I was lucky, I passed out as entered me. I woke up, coming to slowly, hurting in several familiar spots. Tears leaked down my face and I tried swallowing in a mouth that was nothing but cotton. I pulled myself into the bathroom, trying to clean up. I recovered some, enough to get my clothes back on, and found my shirt totally torn. I picked up the hotel phone, I couldn't find my cell anywhere, and called for my driver. While I was on the phone I found a note from Rob. He thanked me for a wonderful night and hoped we'd get together again! He mentioned his family, and James, and said he thought it best if we keep things quiet. We could both have fun and not worry about things too much!
Fifteen minutes later the driver was there, taking me home. I sat in the back, just shaking my head wondering what I was going to do. That was when I realized I hadn't called James last night, and did not answer his morning phone call. This was going to be hell. As the driver pulled up in front the condo, I felt something under my foot and found my cell phone, turned off. I picked it up, unlocked the door and went inside. It was now 10:00 a.m. and Nathan was nowhere to be found. A note on the counter told me that had spent the night at Evan's. I sighed in relief and laid down on our bed, instantly falling asleep.
A few hours later, Manuel was shaking me awake. I stared at him through blurry eyes. His face was wearing an expression that I remembered all too well. Anger, fear, and disappointment were all there. Without saying a word, he handed me the cordless phone and walked away, shaking his head slightly.
"Hello?" I murmured into the phone, my voice weak and hoarse.
"Well, at least you're alive." James said in tone I'd never heard before.
"James." I whispered, a sob escaping my lips.
"Are you okay?" He asked, concern warring with his previous tone.
"I'm alive." I answered him quietly.
"Where were you? What happened?" he said, his voice growing angry again. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?"
"I'm sorry." I told him, meaning every word of it. "James, I'm so sorry."
"What happened?" He repeated.
"I fucked up." Was my short answer.
"How? You've got to tell me how you fucked up." He said earnestly.
"Not over the phone." I said softly. "When do you get here?"
"Tomorrow morning." He answered just as softly.
"We'll talk when you get here." I offered.
"That's fine, I'll see you tomorrow." He told me before hanging up. I missed his `I love you.'
That was when Manuel walked in to drop the other shoe on me. He had my cell phone, which he'd turned on, and handed it to me, immediately turning around and leaving. The voice that was on the phone was not one I wanted to hear.
"Hey, sexy." Rob's voice whispered like silk. I was sickened by how sexy it sounded. "I was just calling to make sure you were doing okay. Last night was a blast. I haven't had that much fun in ages."
"Rob, I don't want to talk to you." I said shortly, anger building inside of me.
"What? What's wrong?" he said, acting hurt. Or was he really hurt?
"Rob, doesn't the word `no' have any meaning for you. I told you to stop and you didn't!" I was shouting now.
"But...but...I thought..." Rob started to say, stuttering the words out.
"No, Rob. I didn't want it. I didn't want you to fuck me!" I was still shouting. "You just kept on going anyway. Listen to me very closely this time, and remember what I am saying. Do not call me. Do not contact me. If we run into each other at a party or on business, you can be polite, professional, but do not even think about trying to be personal. I would prefer to never see you again, but I know that can't be helped. Just stay out of my way as much as possible. Do you understand?"
"Dave, I'm so sorry." Rob was saying now, and I thought I heard a sob in his voice. I didn't care.
"That's very nice, Rob, but it doesn't change anything. Leave me alone as much as you possibly can, do you understand?"
"Yes, Dave, I understand. One last time, though, I'm sorry." He said, then hung up. I laid back in the bed for a moment and just started crying. The next thing I knew, I had two pairs of arms wrapped around me. I opened my eyes to see Nathan and Manuel were both hugging me.
"Where's Evan?" I asked Nathan in between sobs.
"I sent him home." Nathan answered. "He doesn't need to see this."
"Th..thanks." I whispered.
I don't know how long they held me, but I drifted off to sleep. I wish I could say it was a good sleep, but it wasn't. I had nightmare after nightmare. After waking up around 4:00 p.m., I lay there in bed and wondered how James had ever gotten past these feelings. I felt worthless, violated, weak. How the hell had he survived this? How had he ever let anyone touch him again? I was longing for his presence, and was afraid at the same time.
That was when he came flying through the door, sweeping me into his arms. Okay, I'd been crying all day and was starting to feel all cried out. Somehow though, being in his arms, smelling him, brought out all the tears again. At some point, Manuel came in with a glass of water for me, which I sucked down quickly. James was just whispering sweet nothings in my ear, being comforting, but somehow I found myself actually being afraid of him. What would he say? Would he still want me?
"You ready to talk?" He asked me, and I shuddered.
"Not yet." I told him. The evening passed quietly. Manuel got me to eat the food he cooked while Nathan and James talked all night, catching up on things that had been happening. I just sat there, watching them. Manuel left later in the night to his own place, and Nathan eventually left for Evan's. By 9:00 p.m., we were alone and suddenly I was scared. James tried to hold me, but I wriggled out of his embrace. We went to bed, and for the first time ever, I slept on my side of the bed. Our mattress now had a natural curve in the middle where we always laid together, but this time, that was the empty spot of the bed.
The next morning, I woke up, very groggy but feeling better. I stumbled my way into the shower, and felt somewhat more human as I was later getting dressed. I headed out into the condo only to find that I was alone. Manuel had left a note saying that he was taking Nathan shopping for Christmas gifts, and James was nowhere to be found.
I sat down at the dining room table and nursed a coffee that someone had made earlier. I had to tell James what happened, and I wanted to do it immediately. Wondering where I was, I got up to get a phone and call him when the front door opened. A moment later, James stormed into the room, as angry as I'd ever seen him. He had some grocery bags in one hand, and threw a paper down on the table with the other.
"Well, guess I don't need you to tell me what's wrong now!" James snarled, rushing past me and heading into the kitchen. "I'll have my stuff out by tomorrow. You can keep this damn place. I never want to come back here!"
What was in the paper? C'mon, you have to know what was in the paper. Do you really expect me to read it, to look at it? I couldn't help myself though, and picked it up.
- CHEATING DAVE!
At a recent music industry party, star Producer and writer Dave Young was seen drinking it up with none other than Matchbox 20's lead singer Rob Thomas. The two reportedly `drank the bar dry' while at the party, all while managing to offend major players in the industry with rude comments and obscene proposals. Having worn out their welcome, the drunk duo were seen leaving in a limo and heading for a local club. There they consumed more alcohol and tore up the dance floor with each other and several other patrons. They were seen leaving the club together and heading for destinations unknown.
After some sleuthing, it was discovered neither had returned home, but had instead visited a seedy hotel on the outskirts of town, where they spent the night. Rob was the first to leave the next morning, while Dave Young was seen leaving later.
Rob Thomas is married with a child, and Dave Young is the partner of NSYNC star Lance Bass. Dave Young also has custody of 15-year old Nathan Killmer. One has to wonder how seriously these two treat their home lives when they are out enjoying each other's company all night!
Was that all? No, they had pictures. Pictures of Rob and I so drunk that we were holding each other up as we left the party. Pictures of us stumbling out of the club arm in arm. Even pictures of each of us leaving the hotel room. No wonder James was pissed. I looked up from the paper and he was standing there looking at me, tears in his eyes.
"Why?" he asked me quietly, his voice on edge.
"I didn't..." I started to say, but he cut me off.
"Don't try to deny you slept with him!" James roared, banging his fist on the wall. "I know you did, you know you did. I just want to know WHY you threw everything away!"
I couldn't help it, his yelling, the anger and violence in his face got to me. I had a flashback to the feeling of helplessness as Rob was on top of me. Yeah, he wasn't violent, but what James was doing was making me feel the same way. I couldn't stand it, so I got up and ran into the office, slamming the door behind me and locking it. Then I slumped down against it and cried myself into another fitful, nightmare-ridden sleep.
I woke up a few hours later to banging on the door. Manuel's voice shook me out of the stupor I was in and I opened the door. He took one look at me and snorted, dragging me into the living room. He sat me down and handed me a glass of water, which I drank immediately.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were coming down off of a drug." Manuel snorted after I'd finished the water.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Oh, c'mon. You are acting just like you use to after doing too much ecstasy. It would take you at least two days to calm down!" Manuel reminded me. That was when I noticed I'd been grinding my teeth ever since that night with Rob. I rushed to our bedroom and grabbed my cell phone from the charger. Using the `recent calls' feature, I managed to find Rob's number and dialed.
"Speak." Rob's voice sounded rough.
"Did you give me ecstasy the other night?" I demanded angrily.
"Dave? Oh god, Dave, thank god you called. We need to issue a press release and get this story dealt with. The big national media are starting to run it, even MTV!"
"I didn't call to talk to you about that." I snarled. "Have your people call my people. This is Hollywood after all. Just answer my question. Did you slip me some drugs?"
"I...I messed up." He said softly. "I put some into a drink at the party that I thought was mine, but you picked it up instead."
"So it wasn't on purpose?" I demanded.
"No."
"Okay, thanks for being honest. Good bye." I told him, then hung up. Manuel had heard every word from the doorway.
"You need to tell James." He said softly.
"I'm scared of him." I admitted.
"What really happened that night?" Manuel asked, so I told him. In full.
"James is on the plane to Orlando. Get on the next flight." He told me. I'd been asleep against that door for two hours, and James was already gone.
"What about Nathan?" I asked.
"We'll follow you later. Have Christmas at the house in Orlando. Nathan will love it, I know."
"Okay." I said, then headed out the door. A phone call had me on the next flight to Orlando, leaving in 40 minutes. I made it in plenty of time, though I got weird looks when I had no luggage to check in or carryon luggage. Like I cared?
The flight was a typical cross-country flight. Long and boring. The nice thing about first class is that the chance of sitting next to a chatter bug is a lot less. Of course I had no such luck this time and got to listen to a businessman gripe and moan about his tough work.
Like I care. The only thing I cared about was talking to James.
We landed and I immediately got into a taxi. We pulled up to the house, and I was pleased to see the RAV4 in the driveway. If he wasn't home, it'd be gone or in the garage. I unlocked the door and he wasn't downstairs. I went upstairs and immediately opened our bedroom door quietly.
I will never forget what I saw until the day I die.
James was home alright, lying in the bed, on his back, totally nude. Sitting on him, dancing on Lance's hard penis was none other than Josh. JC. The ex. My friend. His friend. My boyfriend. I stood there, watching, hearing them both moan. Lance's hands were rubbing all over JC's body (notice how I immediately thought of them by their stage names?). Sometimes it sucks being a guy, because while the tears were dripping down my face, my own dick was excited and cramped inside my pants.
I must have gasped, sobbed or something after standing there watching for a few minutes, because Lance looked over at me. He closed his eyes, shook his head, then looked again. JC must have noticed because he twisted until he could see the doorway and his mouth dropped as he stared at me. I just shook my head, smiled wanly and turned, walking out of the doorway and heading downstairs.
"Wait, Dave...Get off of me Josh!" James...no...think of him as Lance yelled. I heard thumping on the stairs as I started to open the front door and felt a hand on my shoulder turning me around. There stood Lance, his dick still hard and glistening, the bastard didn't even have the thought to wear a rubber!
"Dave, wait." He said breathlessly.
"Why? I don't need to see you orgasm." I said sarcastically. He winced.
"I, no we, need to talk." He said softly.
"Go finish what you were doing. I hope you two are happy together." I said, forcefully pulling myself out of his hand and out the door. I started walking, and walking, and walking. It had been near midnight, or later, when I arrived at Ja..Lance's home. I kept on walking, not really sure where I was going. I wasn't really thinking, just seeing them over and over. Well, it looked like the love of my life was over...again.
I found myself somewhere in Orlando and managed to waive down a passing taxi. I told him to take me to the airport. He looked at me like I was crazy, and that was when I noticed that it was 3:41 a.m. He took me there anyway. I went to an airline counter and asked if they had a flight to L.A. Sure enough there was one at 6:10 a.m., and I paid for my first class ticket. Then I went into the gate area and sat down where the plane would be taking off.
I just sat there for the longest time, not paying attention to what was going on around me or really thinking. I was stunned. How had we gone from the happy, loving couple of a month ago to this? How much of this was my fault?
All I wanted to do was get back to LA, get Nathan and get out of that condo. I didn't want to talk about this, I didn't want to have to look at him and see that scene again. Could I ever look at him again and NOT see Josh riding him? My thoughts went round and round. At one point, I was ready to just get on another flight from LA to the Far East, and then just disappear into the jungle, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave Nathan alone like that. Gods, how was he going to take this? Nathan was the thought foremost in my mind as they called the boarding for my flight. I couldn't think of anything but him, of my responsibility to him, and how he looked up to James and I as surrogate parents. As people boarded the plane, I had to ask what was hurt the most in the past 24 hours, my love for James or my pride?
As the plane pulled away from the gate and taxied for takeoff I knew I had my answer. I stood there at the window watching the plane take off. After it was out of sight, I headed out of the airport and summoned a taxi. It was during the drive to James' house that I realized I had indeed let Hollywood get to my head. Big bad-ass producer of the hottest television show. I had forgotten my number one promise in my relationship: communication. Twice now I had turned my back on James, and he had reacted by turning to his best friend and old lover for comfort. Yes, his fucking Josh hurt, but I had hurt him as well. What do you do when both of you are at fault?
The taxi pulled up in front of James' home, and I had to swallow hard as I paid the driver. In the driveway was every car belonging to NSYNC. Most of them had been out of town with family or loved ones for Christmas, and today was Christmas Eve. I walked up the driveway and stood at the door, my hand raised to ring the doorbell, and I froze. I could hear the voices in the living room, very faintly.
"Okay, Joey and Kelly will take the North east side of town. Make sure we are all checking every hotel, shelter, hospital, or any other place he could be. Don't forget the parks. I'll be picking up Manuel and Nathan at the airport when their plane lands." James was saying. I could hear them go into a quick prayer. They asked for my safety and help in finding me, then said "Amen!" Before I could do anything, the door swung open and Joey flew outside, looking over his shoulder at Kelly. I don't know who was more surprised, him or I as we tumbled backwards on the sidewalk.
"Dave!" I heard James cry as he leapt outside and took me into his arms. Behind him, everyone was gathered on the doorstep, even Justin with his mother.
"Dude, we need to pray like that more often!" Chris shouted, giving Justin a high five. They were all grinning, even Josh who stood there as well. His eyes looked sad, and his smile was a small one. I didn't know what to think or make of him.
"We need to talk." I told James quietly, extracting myself gently from his arms and standing up. I stank, my clothes were a mess, and my eyes were red from crying. One by one, everyone filed out, all of them giving me a hug, even Lynn. James stood there, staring at me with tears in his eyes, and I started to go inside. That's when I noticed that Josh was still in the doorway. He stared at me for a moment, as I glared at him, then I noticed his eyes were brimming with tears.
"I'm leaving now, too." Josh said softly. "But you are...were...my friend and I owe you an apology. I'm sorry."
"JC." I said coldly, then swallowed. I saw him wince at the name I used, and a tear leaked from his right eye. Just what was my pride worth?
"Josh." I said again, still cold, but a little warmer. "I thought you were my friend, but right now I'm really hurt. I can't accept your apology right now, but maybe I will in the future. I don't know. What I do know is that I need to talk to James, and that is my top priority. Give me some time, and we might re-build our friendship."
"Thank you." He said, a small smile on his face as he wiped away the tear. "I'll be leaving now. I hope you two work things out."
Josh walked off, just waving at James. As he pulled out of the driveway, I walked inside and sat down on the living room couch. It was filled with half-empty cups and glasses.
"Everyone got in real early this morning." James said as he shut the front door. "They all came right over here so we could form...search parties. Would you like something to drink?"
"No thank you." I said softly, staring at the picture of us on the mantle. It had been taken three months ago on a return trip to the Grand Canyon. We looked so happy there. Tears filled my eyes as James sat on the couch next to me, staring at my face. I turned my head slowly and saw he was crying as well.
"I love you," I told him softly, then admitted what my pride didn't want me to say. "And I'm still in love with you as well."
"Oh GOD!" James cried, pulling me into a hug. Who knows how long we sat there, doing nothing but bawling our eyes out on each other's shoulders. We cried until we hiccupped, then we cried some more. I looked at the clock at that point and realized we had been sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around each other, crying into each other's shoulder for two and a half hours. As I pulled my head away, he did the same and we looked deep into each other's eyes. Pain was there, hurt was there, but I could see love smoldering deep inside as well. Or maybe that was just me. Does it matter though? We still had to talk.
"James, we still need to talk about the...things that have happened." I said after staring into his eyes for a few minutes.
"I don't..." He started to say, but I shushed him with a finger on his lips.
"Before we do talk," I whispered, letting my feelings show in my quavering voice. "I want to tell you something. I love you. I don't know how you feel, I don't know what you want, and I won't unless you tell me. Whatever the outcome of this conversation, I want you to know that I love you. I hope and I pray we can work things out, but it will only happen if we are both willing to work hard."
"I love you." He whispered. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I just left before you woke up. I was so hurt, so angry. I got back here and called Josh before he flew out. He came over and I must have cried all night. He carried me to bed, and was going to leave, but I begged him to stay. I must have dozed off, and woken up when he moved. He was so warm, and I felt like I use to for a moment. I...I kissed him. That's how it started. It felt comforting. I missed you so bad and for a moment, it felt like you. While we were doing it, I had my eyes closed, imagining it was you. I thought you were gone. I thought I'd lost you, and he...having him and pretending it was you made me feel less lonely. Then I opened my eyes and realized I didn't love him like that, what we were doing was wrong. Then I heard something and saw you at the door. My world came crashing down on me. You had come back and here I was...cheating on you. When you ran out that door, I lost it. Josh called everyone and then we drove around looking for you. When we couldn't find you, we called the police, but they wouldn't do anything. I felt like I'd lost you again and this time it was my fault."
"Shh, Shh." I whispered as he started sobbing again.
"I went to the airport." I told him softly. "I booked a flight to LA for first thing this morning and was going to go back and get my stuff and move out with Nathan. But James, I realized that you were more important to me than this. I couldn't run away without talking to you. I couldn't leave without trying to fix things."
"Why?" James muttered into my shoulder. "Why did all of this happen?"
"We let ourselves get too proud, and too involved in our lives to remember what was important to us, or at least I did." I answered softly, brushing through his hair with my fingers. "I've felt so lonely the last few weeks. You were always gone. We had no time together, but we were focused on our work. Even our phone calls weren't about us as a couple, but about what we were doing. We didn't talk about what we were feeling."
"I know." He whispered. "I didn't tell you how lonely I was, how tired. Just about how great it was on the road."
"Exactly." I said. "And I spent all my time telling you about the show and not about I much I missed you or that I was having to take sleeping pills to get to sleep since you weren't there."
"Oh, Dave." He sighed. "We forgot to communicate."
"Yeah, and that's why I let the plane fly off without me." I said softly. "I realized I wanted to communicate with you instead of react to what I was thinking."
"Dave, what happened with Rob Thomas?" he asked, and I shuddered. He pulled me tight, and you know what? Remember how I felt confined, pressured back in LA when he tried that? I didn't feel that this time.
"He raped me." I said softly. James stiffened, and started shaking.
"I'll kill him." He whispered fiercely.
"No you won't." I said softly. "You won't leave me all alone while you're in jail."
"Okay." He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'll just scare him to death."
"That'll work." I mumbled with a smile.
"Full story." He pressed lightly, and I sighed.
"I was feeling so lonely without you, James. I decided to go to a music industry party that I had been invited to visit. I had about four drinks and was fed up dealing with those people when I bumped into Rob. We started chatting, and drinking, and we both got drunk. My mouth started blabbing and I said some things I know I shouldn't have. Then we left.
"We were both so drunk that we had to hold each other up. To make matters worse, we went to another club and started doing Tequila. I just found out that Rob was using ecstasy that night as well. He put some in a drink that I grabbed. So, there I was, drunk and high on E. We left the club and started kissing in the car. I told the driver to take us to a hotel.
"James, we got a room and went inside. I collapsed on the bed and he started snuggling up to me, kissing me. He started to go farther when I thought of you. I...told him to stop. He didn't. I think my brain was on overload or something because I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. He pulled down my pants...and...he...took me. James I begged him to stop, and he didn't!"
"Oh god, baby, I'm so sorry." James wailed, drawing me into a hug. Then I heard him whisper "He didn't even cheat on me...but I cheated on him."
"Shhh." I whispered into his ear. "It doesn't matter who cheated on whom. We both made mistakes."
"But..."
"No buts." I said firmly, taking his left hand in mine and touching the ring he still wore. "Do you still want me? Do you still want us?"
"Yes." He breathed with passion. "Please? I promise..."
"Shhh." I whispered. "Hold on a moment. I want you to hear what I have to say first. James, my love for you is unconditional, but I think we should set some...guidelines for both of us if we get back together. The most important being that we never spend more than two weeks apart."
"That I insist on." James said firmly, smiling.
"Okay, I also want us to work on communication. And James, in order to do that, I think we should see a therapist."
"I'm not going back to no stinking therapist!" he exploded, pulling away softly. "Do you remember what the last one tried to do?"
"Yes," I answered calmly, taking his hand back in mine and looking in his eyes. "Which is why I said `we' not just you. We'll also find one we're both comfortable with."
"Okay," he said after looking into my eyes. "But I'm out of there if he gets too negative."
"Agreed." I said with a smile.
"We need more time just to ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I love Nathan, but we need time for just you and I. Uninterrupted time. Maybe take a week or weekend off every six months and go somewhere." James said, and I was glad he was adding something.
"A one week vacation at least twice a year, just the two of us." I agreed wholeheartedly. I was going to suggest it myself. "One last thing...no running away."
"What?" James asked softly.
"Love, this is the second time you've run away from me when we faced a serious problem. I can't stand that. If you love me enough, stay. The problems don't go away by running, and they usually get worse. If we're fighting, we can go to separate rooms, lock the door, but we DON'T leave the house."
"But..."
"No buts, James." I told him sadly. "Either we do or we don't."
"Okay, but I want something else too." He said firmly.
"Name it, love, and you'll have it if I can." I answered.
"I want us to adopt Nathan as a couple. You're his guardian right now, and I want us both to be responsible for him."
"If he agrees, absolutely." I said, my heart filling with relief.
"Then I have one more question." James said, sliding off the couch and onto his knees. He took my hands and stared into my eyes. "David Ray Young, I love you. I know we cannot be married legally, but marriage is about more than laws and legal bindings. It's about two people pledging to be together forever, through thick or thin. Dave, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to show the world how much I love you. I want you to know that I am committed to you until death do us apart. No more running away, no more hiding. Dave, will you marry me?"
Okay, less than 8 hours ago, I'd caught him fucking his best friend. A few days ago, well I was equally bad. Yet, here he was proposing to me! What could I say to that...
Except "Yes, James. Oh God YES!"
THE END.
I hope you have enjoyed this short glimpse of how a phone call can change your life. This is the end of the first story line I developed. To tell the truth, I wrote this story as a lark, to see if I could do something like this, and do it well. What do you think? Right now I have no plans to continue this series. I also am not going to shut the door on the idea of continuing it past this point. Is there a lot that is left to these characters? HELL yes. Do I want to write it...depends on what readers say.
I hope you did enjoy this finale. I tried to make it build up in pace and then wind down with a sappy ending. Hope it worked.