All the warnings and disclaimers from my last stories are in effect.
The days and weeks that take place after I awake pass at a snail's pace. I feel like an infant. Whatever happened to me put me back into an infant stage. Not in thinking; my mind is as sharp, if not more so, than ever, but I had to relearn all my motor skills. I could speak just fine, but I had to learn how to eat, stand, walk, pretty much everything all over again. Let's just say it's very embarassing to have to have someone wipe your ass when you're in your twenties.
But, like I said, time crawled on, and eventually, I regained all my motor skills and was able to hobble about the mansion on my own, growing in strength as each day passed.
Surprisingly, of all the people I have met, Logan was the most helpful to me during my recouperation. He never said much, but he seemed to understand what I was going through, and he was infinitely patient with me. Every time I fell down, he was there to pick me up and get me back on my feet (although he DID keep up his distinctive gruffness).
Scott still ignores me and will not even notice my presence, and Xavier spends an inadvertant amount of time with me, scanning my thoughts and memories. He will not tell me what he is doing, just that it is incredibly important, and that he will inform me as he discovers what he is looking for.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yet, I'm not as impatient as I was with our slow progress. Having learned what can happen pressing things too fast, as I did with Magneto, I have learned patience ... at a deep cost to me.
I know longer hear the voice of the Phoenix, and it saddens me. Despite the fact that it was playing tug-of-war with my soul, I miss the calm and cool voice it would occasionally show to me that gave me strength and courage in the face of so much.
And I miss Liz. I know now that she was a pawn of Magneto to deceive me, but I still can't shake the thought that the face she showed during our battle was NOT her ... simply what Magneto made her show me. I DO know her, despite the dishonesty she was forced to show me. I can't prove this, but I know it to be true in my heart.
Speaking of Magneto, we have heard nothing from him and his Brotherhood in these last few months, and some amoung us find this unsettling; they feel he should be pushing his advantage (what they mean by that, they will not tell me), but I can tell he is doing nothing because he has nothing to do. He is as stymied in his endeavor as I am. I would try to contact Liz telepthically, but everytime I try, I find my powers blocked.
Ah, my 'powers', whatever ones I had have completely disappeared since I awoke. Sometimes, I catch glimpses of people's thoughts, but aside from that, every tenet of telepathy and telekinesis I had no longer exist.
While I miss them, the responsibility they brought to me I was obviously not ready for, and should they return at some time in the future, I hope I will be mature enough to handle them without letting my emotions take over.
One day, after awakening from one of Charles' MANY thought scans, he informs me, "It is time."
"Time for what?"
"Time for you to learn how to use your new powers," he replies.
"Powers!" I scoff, "I have no powers! I'm not a mutant, I no longer have the Phoenix, what are you talking about?!"
"It is true you are not a mutant," Charles replies, "but you DO have powers, and it is time you started learning how to use them. Let's go"
And with that, Charles turns and wheels out of the room, obviously expecting me to follow him.
Intrigued, I go after him.
We stop at a door I have never been through, and Charles presses his palm against a scanner next to it and it wheezes open.
"You want me to go in THERE?!" I almost laugh, "the Danger Room?!"
"Yes," he replies slowly, as if uncertain of his answer, "this is a test you are ready for, and you must face alone."
"Wait, wait, wait! You want ME to go into the Danger Room, alone, with NO powers, and face a TEST?! That's fucking stupid!"
Normally, Charles would react against such language, but instead he merely smiled and said, "Yes, yes, it IS fucking stupid, as you have so inappropriately, yet aptly put it. Go on; you'll be safe, but you need to go inside. We'll be watching."
Charles' use of such language shocks me completely, but also instills me with a strange confidence I don't understand, so I simply nod, and enter the blackness of the room that waits before me.
I look back to see a small smile on his face as the doors close behind me.
"You can do this," his voice resonates in my head, "we have faith in you."
Shocked, for a moment, at being able to hear him telepathically for the first time in months, I turn to face the 'test' before me with a smile on my face and the first bit of confidence I've had in awhile. If Charles thinks I'm ready for this, then there has to be a reason, and I've yet to find a reason not to trust him.
"Beginning Training Sequence Level "X" starting in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ..." a disembodied voice rings out, " ... 1 ... begin sequence"
With a blinding flash of light, the darkness of the room transforms and becomes the same battlefield I faced when locked in the hallucination Liz trapped me in. I am shell-shocked. I can't breathe or think as I watch the final moments of the battle take place in front of me. I look up and see myself, in all the glory of the Phoenix swoop down towards Liz as she begins her final assault on Tim. I can see her begin her final assault on his mind that kills him; I can see the power of it shoot straight towards his fragile, and weakened body. I see myself, as Dark Phoenix, roar back in terror and rage as her assault begins to torment him, and I can take it no longer.
"NOOOOO!" I yell, in unison with my former Phoenix self.
But, this time, instead of taking vengeance on Liz, I throw myself in the path of her attack on Tim.
The sheer agony and pain of her assault overtakes me and drives me to the ground. I can barely handle the torment being forced upon me, but I deal with it because I know it's beind directed towards me instead of the man I love.
My heart races, my bloods slams in my head, and my breathing is ragged as I endure all that Liz unleashed upon Tim. As the last of my strength leaves me, I turn and see Tim stagger to his feet and begin to stumble over to me, with the biggest smile I have ever seen on his face.
I smile back before another wave of torment cavorts my body and makes me cry out in agony.
Suddenly, it stops, and all is dark and senseless.
I must be dead, I realize; there is no other reason for the torment to stop.
"You're not dead," a familiar voice tells me.
I open my eyes and find myself looking up into Tim's loving face; my upper body cradled in his arms.
"Hey," I whisper softly, "I thought you were dead."
Time smiles wryly, "Yeah, well I was dead, but you saved me. This was your test, and you passed with flying colors."
"What, what do you mean?" I ask weakly.
"You had to show you would sacrifice something great to save the life of another. You sacrificed yourself to save me, even though you knew it wasn't reality."
"It wasn't?" I ask, "It seemed real."
"That was the point. You KNEW you were in the Danger Room, but you still acted as if it was real ... the way you should have when you faced Liz on the battlefield."
"I don't get it."
"The only way you could have won that battle was to give up. It was all a fantasy built to get you to react, which you did, and which cost you nearly your life."
"But I had to protect you!" I exclaim.
"I wasn't there, babe," replies Tim sadly, "it was all made as a trap for you! I'm sorry Liz used my memory to entrap you; I had no choice in the matter. Her powers, and those of Dark Phoenix, had complete control over me."
"So it WAS you?" I wonder, "you really WERE there?"
"Somewhat," Tim replies slowly, "I'm not even really here now; this is your memory and conscience made real. This is the lesson you had to learn."
"What lesson?!"
"That power is not the answer ... but that you now know what the answer is."
"You're being cryptic!"
"Life IS cryptic!" Tim replies, "But now you're almost ready to understand the riddle! You've passed your test, and now you're ready to receive my gift in full."
"Gift?!" I ask, "What gift, Tim? What gift do you have for me?"
"My glory! You have earned it now!"
Tim winks at me, and then begins to rise in the air. Fire surrounds him and forms into the firebird I have seen, and been a part of, before.
"No, NO!" I yell, "I have had this 'gift' before, and it was a curse!"
Tim, in his glorious flames says, "This is true, you WEREN'T ready, but you have proved, today, that you are ready to receive my gift and power ... will you accept it?"
I don't know what to say; while I feel I have learned much, I don't think I'm ready for such a responsibility; so I decide not to make it.
"Tim ... Phoenix ... you both know me better than myself. AM I ready? Will I take advantage of my powers again? If there is a doubt in your mind about this, then go back to the cosmos. If I can handle it, then bestow your power on me, but guide me, because I'm only human and I know I'll need help."
Tim smiles and says, "That is what we wanted to hear. Receive us, and we will always be at your side."
"Phoenix, or you?"
"Both!"
"Then I accept!"
Tim/Phoenix nods, then hovers down next to me and smiles, "Do you love me?" he asks.
"With all my heart, babe!"
"Then kiss me!"
We kiss, and as our tongues meet and our bodies embrace, the flow of power and love he enbodied as Phoenix rush into me and I collapse on the floor.
The rush of ecstacy and adrenaline shock me and I almost thrash as the power of it runs through me.
I open my eyes, roll over and see Charles above me with a worried look on his face, "Are you alright?" he asks with concern.
I smile, stand, and test my balance as I feel a new power flow through me.
"I'm fine ... better than I think I've ever been. I passed the test, Charles. I passed!"
Charles smiles and says, "I know. I kept constant track of you the whole time. Phoenix said you were ready, and you proved yourself valiantly."
"So you knew the outcome?"
"Yes," Charles replies, "I never would have let you face such danger unless I knew the outcome. Why do you think I have spent so much time reading your mind? I was making sure that you were ready to face such danger."
"What now?" I ask.
"Now, we begin your real training," replies Charles, "If you're to be an X-Man and face Magneto, you'll have to be ready."
"An X-Man?" I ask.
"Of course!" smiles Charles, "If you want to be one, of course."
"I'm not a mutant!" I argue.
"No," agrees Charles, "You're not; you're more than that."
"What are you talking about?!"
"You have as much to teach us as we do you."
"What am I going to teach YOU? I'm the one who doesn't even understand what's going on, and when I thought I did, I screwed it up!"
"I don't know how to say this," stammers Charles, "But I know you are ready to learn this."
"Learn what?" I ask.
That's it for part 20 ... and thanks for EVERYONE for helping me GET the story to part 20!!! I know this hasn't been the greatest story ever, and you all have given me a lot of useful input and ideas, and I thank everyone for sticking with it and getting it this far! As always, feedback at ender2155@gmail.com