PHILLIP'S STORY
Part 4: Phillip Reflects
This is a story of erotic fiction meant for adult readers over the age of eighteen years
Written by Jean-Christophe (Chris):
To see an archive of all my stories go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Jean-Christophe_Stories
The characters and ideas contained in this story are the writer's and shouldn't be used without permission. Please respect the integrity of this story and don't rewrite.
Acknowledgement: I wrote this story in 2010 but I can't claim full credit for it. It is a work of fiction but the ideas for it were given to me in discussions about slavery with a good friend - a white slave with a Black Master. We collaborated on this story - he gave me the ideas and I supplied the words. - Chris
Phillip Reflects:
I stand beside my Master's place at the head of the table; ever alert to his needs and those of his guests and I am ready to instantly step forward to serve them. As demanded by Master, I am in the modified slave position with my fingers entwined behind my neck, my feet apart and my body held erect. I have tightened my body to better display my nakedness and I have thrust my hips forward to give Master and his guests a better view of my smooth genitals.
I stand mute as a slave must. There is no place for me in my Master's conversation and it would be unseemly for me to speak in his presence unless expressly told to do so. I listen dispassionately as they talk about me. What they say concerns me yet it is no business of mine. For I am my Master's property as much as the table at which he dines or the chair upon which he sits.
Fearfully, I listen as Master discusses my impending whipping with his brother, Sir Lachlan and his nephew, Sir Jon. I have angered Master and I am to be punished. I accept this and yet I am apprehensive for I fear the whip. Yesterday, Master caned me for my tardiness. That should have made me more alert to my Master's needs but I have failed him again today and my punishment is well deserved.
He'd given me specific instructions as to how tonight's dinner was to be served and I'd not obeyed him. I shamed Master in front of his brother and nephew to such an extent that he'd needed to publicly rebuke me in their presence and slap my ass.
I tremble as Master decides I am to receive ten strokes of the whip for my disobedience. This is a harsh punishment and yet, within me, I know it is justified.
I notice the coffee cups are nearly empty and I break position to step forward to refill them.
Today, my Master's beloved nephew, Sir Jon turned eighteen and all was revealed to him. I have waited for this day; I have longed for it with every fibre of my slave's being and yet at the same time I've dreaded its coming. Today is proving to be most challenging and like Odysseus, I am caught between Scylla and Charybdis.
Today, my Master and his brother, Sir Lachlan told Sir Jon the real truth about me. They revealed to him that, rather than his long held notion that I am his uncle's man-servant; I am in reality his devoted and loving slave and that I have been for many years. I can only imagine Sir Jon's incredulity when he learned I am a white slave who serves a Black Master.
As I reflect on these years, I'm overwhelmed with a sense of my own good fortune. These years as my Master's slave have been the happiest of my life and it's no exaggeration to say I was reborn on that fateful March day when I knelt at his feet and pledged myself to him in a life of service. As I leant forward and kissed his feet in homage, it was as though a great burden had been lifted from me and I was relieved of all worldly worries.
In fact, this is very true; from that day forward, Master assumed all responsibility for me. He removed from my shoulders the necessity to make decisions for myself and I am no longer plagued with doubt or uncertainty; I abdicated these to his authority. He now makes all decisions and all that is required of me is unquestioning acceptance of his word and total obedience to his will.
That March day was my re-awakening. But when did my Epiphany begin? How did this come about?
I'd long known I was gay and this presented no particular problem for me. I accepted this as just another part of the person I am. Quite simply, I was made me this way and I accepted that. Therefore, my homosexuality was 'no big deal' for me.
But imbedded into my gayness was something else; my deep seated need to be a slave and this was to lie dormant until it was recognised and nurtured by my future master.
At college, I joined the rowing club and somehow equated this with an erotic fantasy concerning galley slaves. I loved this notion of a rower being a galley slave and I saw myself and my team mates as players in this role. And of course there was the added bonus of the showers and dressing room after our training sessions. I have been a long-time admirer of the male anatomy in all of its naked beauty and those areas of particular interest to me are the bare ass, the front bulge and I especially like low hanging balls.
I first met the man who was to become my Master in the workplace. We were mutually attracted to one another and shared a common interest in our gayness and we became the closest of friends. At that time we weren't Master and slave but rather Kyle and Phillip.
As our relationship developed, Kyle easily assumed a leadership role and I happily fell in with this. Incrementally, he made the decisions and I willingly accepted them. It was Kyle who decided the minutiae of our lives; what shows or movies we saw and what restaurants we dined at. And really, it was a relief for me to hand over these responsibilities to him.
Possibly, Kyle was even then testing me and saw within me the dormant slave waiting for release. If that was so, then I was unaware of it. Eventually, we became partners and lovers but, at first, it was very much a vanilla relationship.
Kyle was and remains a lifelong adherent of 'Black Rule' which has at its core a belief that the Black man is in every way superior to the white man. It espouses the view that the Black man is the natural master and a white man's true role is to serve him as a slave.
Slowly, he exposed me to this philosophy which at first didn't sit well with my traditional, upper class, white background. I had pride in whom and what I was and I would necessarily need to rid myself of what my Master refers to as my erroneous 'white pride".
On becoming his slave, this was one of the hardest things for me to do but Master trained me out of my misconceptions until I now fully accept my inferior, white status. But even now there are times when my white pride resurfaces and I speak unthinkingly of white history and white achievements. I don't do this intentionally; these things seem to resurface periodically and Master must remain ever vigilant against this. He has a low tolerance of my false white pride and he corrects my misinterpretations and punishes me. I am grateful to him and after I am caned for my errors of judgement, I strive that much better not to repeat them.
Kyle was patient with me. He wanted me as his slave but he didn't bully or coerce me into accepting this role. Patiently he told me of his beliefs with such conviction that I came to accept them as my own. He hid nothing from me nor did he minimise the impact upon my life should I chose to become his slave. He told me it would be a life dedicated to his service and that my goal would be to serve him faithfully, loyally and lovingly and that I would need to place him above all else and with self (me) being the least of these. If I became his slave, my life would become one of total dedication to his wellbeing and happiness.
Slowly, my slave psyche was being awakened and Kyle continued to stimulate my interest. When he decided I was ready, he exposed me to this unique lifestyle.
One day, Kyle obviously felt the time was now right and he took me to visit a Black friend who owned a white slave where I had my first glimpse into my future. The Black Superior - and I knew that should I become a slave all Black people regardless of age, sex or social status would be my Superiors - welcomed Kyle and he allowed me to talk to his slave about his lifestyle and his emotions.
The slave was naked and even though Kyle had forewarned me of this and told me that nakedness is a slave's natural state, to actually see one in the 'flesh' for the first time was unsettling. I recall my mixed feelings as I struggled with the knowledge that soon I could be as naked as this slave. I found the concept of slave nakedness appealing and very sexual and the very notion of it filled me with eager anticipation and trembling trepidation.
I watched as the naked slave knelt before Kyle and kissed his feet in welcome to his Master's home. I noticed the slave's ass was bright red and I found out later that the slave had been severely spanked by his Master earlier that evening for some misdemeanour or another - I never did find out what offence he'd committed - but his punishment imprinted itself into my mind as clearly as his Master's hand had imprinted itself onto his bare ass.
I wondered if the slave felt shame or humiliation in his nudity. But from what I could see he didn't -rather he was proud and privileged that his Master allowed his nude body to be viewed and examined by Kyle and this surprised me. Perhaps the thing that impressed me the most - and it was to be one of the deciding factors in reaching my own decision to become a slave - was the slave's apparent happiness with his lot.
His love for his Master was plainly evident and I thought it matched my own for Kyle. At first there didn't appear to be too much difference between the slave's love for his Master and my love for Kyle. But then I heard him respectfully - almost with an air of reverence - address his Superior as 'Master' and I knew then that I wanted to elevate Kyle to a similar status. I wanted to be like this slave and to call Kyle - 'Master'.
The slave didn't speak and I watched as he served drinks to his Master and Kyle. No drinks were offered to me and later, when he retired to the kitchen, I was given permission to join him and to talk with Him. There were so many questions in my mind and I needed answers to all of them.
The slave answered all my questions and told me of his experiences as a slave to a Black Superior. He told me Black Masters are very demanding and exacting and if I did choose to become Kyle's slave then I would be subjected to firm discipline and punishment. But he also told me, whilst Black Masters are stern and brooked no disobedience from their slaves, they are nevertheless scrupulously fair and loyal. He also told me Black Superiors didn't punish their slaves gratuitously and any punishments handed out were deserved. He told me my servitude would be hard and at times difficult but the rewards would far outweigh these. He told me his service to his Master was both most rewarding and very fulfilling.
I continued to speak at length with the slave and he was both open and frank in all his answers. His words, as he told me of his great joy at serving his Master, rang true and his humility as he served both his Master and Kyle was sincere. By his words and actions, the slave inspired me and encouraged me to consider my own life. And so great was my own love for Kyle that I now knew I wanted to serve him as this slave served his master.
As a footnote to that visit, I should add that the slave and I are now good friends and we both find true happiness in serving our respective Masters. I owe this slave an immense debt of gratitude. It was he who first told me of the contentment and inner harmony that comes when you fully accept your slave nature and submit to a Master. I'm constantly reminded of his words every day as I serve my Master. And as I serve him, I have found my own inner peace and harmony in abundance.
Leaving nothing to chance, Kyle then took me to meet another Black Superior and his slave. Theirs' is an unusual story; they are lifelong Black Master and white slave. Kyle told me that they had known one another since boyhood and when they were at high school together their Master/slave relationship began to manifest itself. Gradually, the Black Superior emerged as the dominant partner and asserted his authority over his white friend.
I was surprised by this. I hadn't realised that slavery could begin at such a young age. Incrementally, this Master and his slave developed the pattern of their lives together. Later, they attended the same college and shared the same room, where they secretly lived and learned together as Master and slave. Today, they are still together as a true Master and his devoted, loving slave.
Like the other slave I was given permission to question and talk with him and like the other slave, he was forthright in all his answers. He spoke openly about his slave nature and that he'd always known he was destined to be a slave. He also told me of the great peace and inner contentment that comes when you accept your slave inferiority and freely acknowledge the superiority of a Master. His words had a profound effect on me and I left him better equipped to make my own decision.
Today, this slave too remains a close friend. I am deeply indebted to him for his guidance and encouragement. And like the other slave, I have great affection for him; all three of us are truly slave brothers.
Because our Masters move in the same circle our paths cross regularly. Over the years, I have worked closely with both of them at gatherings where we served our Masters and their friends. And there are even times when our Masters require us to entertain them by involving us in 'games' and 'sporting events' that delight and amuse them.
As I participate in these activities, I derive great pleasure from hearing my Master's and the other Superiors' happy laughter at our antics. As a slave, I have discovered my true joy is in the giving of enjoyment and happiness to my Master. My own pleasure derives from his pleasure and his laughter rewards me a hundredfold.
But Kyle spent more time talking to me before he allowed me to commit to a life of slavery and he hid nothing from me. He told me of the hardships that would confront me and of his expectations of me as his slave. He explained at great length that I would need to empty my mind of all my former bias and misconceptions and replace them with an unquestioning obedience to his will.
Kyle told me he would 'train' me hard to make me the type of slave he required me to be. He would make onerous demands of me and I would be subjected to correction and punishment as he moulded me into his slave. I found the prospect of this both exhilarating and frightening.
Subsequently, just as the two slaves had told me during our conversations, I did find that Black Superiors are stern taskmasters - they expect and demand much from their white slaves. And so it is with my Master. He has a sternness that demands my total concentration and obedience and yet at the same time he is scrupulously fair with me. Any punishments, I receive aren't given capriciously or on a whim. They are carefully considered in the context of my misdemeanour and they are well deserved. My Master always makes the 'punishment fit my crime'.
Although, I am fearful of punishment - and I am particularly terrified of the whip - I accept my punishments as a necessary part of my life as a slave. If I'm truthful with myself, I always know when I am in the wrong and that my chastisements are justified. And I know when Master feels the need to correct me; he does so with the intention to make me a better slave. He wants me to be the best that I can be.
Kyle was patient with me and he encouraged me to think more before I made my final decision. For the next six months, I was in a limbo of uncertainty. I fretted over making a decision that would change my life so dramatically and irrevocably. And during that period, I suppose Kyle lived in his own limbo of wondering - suspended somewhere between a hopeful expectancy that I would agree to become his slave and the other possibility that I would say - "No! This lifestyle isn't for me."
Those six months moved slowly for me. More and more I was being exposed to the lifestyle. Now whenever we visited other Black Superiors, I was able to observe at first hand their white slaves actually in service to them.
Strictly speaking, I was still free - I still wore clothes while the slaves were naked - but the Black Superiors treated me as an inferior white and largely ignored my presence. They never included me in their conversations and from this I had a foretaste of how it would be as a white slave. I would be required to remain mute at all times in the presence of my Black Superiors. My white opinions would have no substance or value; indeed they would never be sought by a Black Superior and I would only be allowed to speak when given permission to do so. By their attitudes they excluded me from their company and I was already being relegated to the level of a slave.
More and more I found myself in the presence of their slaves. I learned much from talking with those slaves - without exception they impressed me with their happiness at their chosen lot and the profound joy they found in serving their Masters. And from careful observation, I learned much about slave deportment and behaviour. From them, I learned what a Black Master expected of his slave and the type of behaviour that Kyle would require of me should I become his slave.
I drew strength from watching these slaves during that six months period. Their happiness and contentment impressed me in a very profound way and from my observations of them I eventually found the courage to commit to becoming a slave myself.
In retrospect this was to be the best decision of my live. Like those slaves I have never been happier or more contented.
Also, during that time, I did question myself and wondered if I was up to the task. And even though I knew within my heart I wanted desperately to be Kyle's slave, I was bedevilled by niggling doubts. It was after all, a life changing decision and serving Kyle for life would require a deep and ultimate commitment from me.
The thought that I would lose my freedom was very much in my mind. I knew once I committed myself there would be no retreating from my new life -that I would be a slave for the remainder of my days - and there would be no going back to my old ways. I had further discussions with Kyle on numerous occasions and he was always honest in his dealings with me. He cautioned me to think carefully before committing.
It's strange - I knew I wanted to be a slave - and every fibre of my being told me this was to be my destiny and yet my fear of losing my freedom prevented me from making my final decision. It was to be a life-changing event and one that I didn't take lightly. In fact, it took me those six months to work through this and now as I look back on my uncertainty and temerity, I see the foolishness of my procrastination.
I was to find that, rather than lose my freedom, I gained it. The day I became Master's slave I was liberated from all my self- doubt and indecision. Master took charge of me and I was absolved of all responsibility. It is hard for me to quantify this and I suppose only another slave can fully appreciate my true feelings.
Masters, by their natures are necessarily very different from their slaves and even now I'm not too sure whether they can fully understand or appreciate the sense of freedom they give to their slaves. Certainly from the slave's perspective he is deeply indebted to his Master for this new 'freedom' and for me personally there's not a day passes when I don't give heartfelt thanks to my Master for all that he gives me by assuming full responsibility for me and my wellbeing.
Sometimes my gratitude is silent and lies buried deep within my heart - a heart that overflows with my unending, undying love for him. At other times it physically manifests itself as I prostrate myself before him and kiss his feet and my eyes brim with tears of love, devotion and gratitude for him. My whole being is consumed by the intensity of my love for him and my whole life is dedicated to his happiness and wellbeing.
There are those times when I ask myself if I'm really conveying my true feelings to him. It worries me that, what I give him in return for what he gives is so inadequate. But I know he does fully understand and appreciates me. He shows this in so many ways. His love for me is obvious and he is moved to assist me in finding my true self and to release the slave part of my nature. Even his sternness and punishments are manifestations of his deep love and commitment to me. I understand and accept that his punishments are for my own good and they are meant to assist me to be the very best slave that I can be.
Whenever I disappoint him - does he know that his disappointment with me is as nothing when compared to that which I feel within my soul? At such times, I am unimaginably miserable and disgusted with myself; I have failed my Master and when I'm 'out of favour' I am wretched and know true unhappiness.
Is he aware of the devastation I feel whenever he is angry or displeased with me? On these occasions my world 'crashes down' around me and I know true bleakness. As long as he withholds his favour, I am lost. I live in a world of darkness; for he is the Sun that lights my way and warms my life.
Willingly, when I have displeased him, I humble myself and kneel before him and tearfully beg for his punishment and forgiveness. I earnestly pray to be restored to his favour and when this happens I'm a better slave for the experience. I re-dedicate myself to serving him with renewed enthusiasm.
With his forgiveness, I am elevated to new heights; I have been restored to his favour and my love for him is boundless and my gratitude to him is limitless. At such times my life is renewed and I truly love my Master.
But I am moving ahead of myself. These things are in the future for I had yet to make my fateful decision.
Inevitably bit by bit my self-doubt did disappear and eventually, I made my decision and I decided to become Kyle's slave.
One evening I told Kyle I had made my decision; I wanted to be his slave and commit my life to one of service to him. For my part I was overcome with such a sense of happiness and contentment that I knew instinctively my decision was the right one. And I could see that Kyle was happy and relieved by it too.
He told me to remove my clothes and as I did so, I felt reborn. As I undressed, I was also shedding the layers of my past life. In stripping away my clothes from by body I was becoming a slave and my life would never be the same.
My new Master ordered me to kneel before him and kiss his feet in homage. Kyle went into our bedroom and returned with two items. One was a collar which he fastened around my neck. The other was a cock ring which He slipped over my cock and balls. Evidently, he'd had these on hand for such an eventuality. Both were symbols of my new slave status and both were evidence of His ownership of me. My feelings were mixed; I was both elated and scared. I trembled with the emotion of my commitment to my new Master. I was now a naked, collared slave and yet I wore the outward signs of my servitude with pride.
For a second time, Master- and I would never call him Kyle again - ordered me to kneel and kiss his feet. As I did so, he placed his foot on the back of my neck as a sign of my new submission to his will. With that simple gesture, I truly became his slave.
That night - my first as a slave - I slept in Master's bed and we had true Master/slave sex. That was to be the last night I slept in a bed. Next night, Master told me my place was on the floor alongside his bed.
That is where I now sleep and I must wait until he summons me into his bed for sex. Does he know how I long for his call to join him in his bed and to surrender both my will and my body to his needs? Does he know there are nights when I lie sleepless and longing to hear his summons to join him? My true happiness is to lie with him and open up my body for his pleasure and gratification.
By mutual discussion and consent, we agreed that I would live as Kyle's slave for the next twelve months and that he would treat me as such and undertake my training. And at the end of that time I would have the option to 'opt out' if I so desired. But he told me should I decide to go forward then there wouldn't be another opportunity and that I would be enslaved for life and he would own me.
And so it was that after much discussion - and a lot of soul-searching - I committed myself to Kyle; to serve him as his slave for the remainder of my life. That night was the last time I called him by his given name. Henceforth I was my Master's slave and I would call him by this new entitlement- the honorific - 'Master'. That day, he called me 'slave' for the first time. I was truly his slave and how proud that made me for I knew then that I belonged to him in both body and spirit.
Throughout our years together, I have only ever called him Master and he invariably calls me 'slave' or 'boy'- epitaphs I am more than happy to wear. Sometimes he'll even call me by my given name - Phillip.
But such times are rare!
Tonight, as they dine, I listen as Master discusses me with his brother and nephew. Master tells his them how I received my first training from his mother, Mistress Laqueta on the farm where she lives with Master's father, Sir Terrell.
I try to detach my mind from their conversation and not to show my emotions. I'd rather not be reminded of those events.
To be continued.....