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Hey everybody! I know this chapter took longer than the rest, but it was a tough one. I also had a lot of other stuff happening at the time! Again, KEEP WRITING! Your letters make ALL the difference in this story. Love y'all!
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This is a work of fiction. The author is not implying anything about the sexual orientation or actions of any celebrities involved. This is a work of fiction and is meant to entertain.
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Their kissing subsided. Justin wrapped his strong arms tightly around Josh and laid his head on Josh's shoulder. They just sat there holding each other for what seemed like hours. Josh finally broke the silence.
"We had better go down to the pool before someone thinks we were abducted," Josh said not wanting to let Justin release him.
"No, I want to hold you a little bit more," Justin said. "We have to leave tomorrow afternoon." With that, they both froze. Neither had considered the fact that Nsync would move out of Oklahoma the next day and that they would not return to Oklahoma for months.
"Damn, I knew there was a catch," Josh said, pulling out of Justin's grip. He sat up on the end of the bed. Justin threw his head onto his arms, punishing himself for mentioning that little fact. But he also knew it had to be dealt with.
"Well, I have time off next month?", Justin said quietly, raising up to where Josh was.
"Oh yeah, that's a great start. Then maybe, when I see you once every couple months, we can come make out in this hotel like high school kids. Then you can take out again, back on the road. Sowing your oats with all the small town men," Josh said bitterly. He knew he hurt Justin right away.
His heart dropped.
"That is SO unfair. You know that is not me, Josh," Justin said, tears welling up. Josh turned away, so he did not have to see the pain on Justin's face.
"How would I know what is you and what isn't? I met you yesterday," Josh said denying the feeling in his stomach that was telling him he had known Justin since the first shooting star crossed the dark sky above Oklahoma.
"If that's how you feel," Justin said, know letting a few tears escape, "then I understand. I just thought we could work out the small stuff."
"The small stuff?", Josh said turning back to Justin. "The small stuff is you liking turtle necks, and me hating them. You liking ham sandwiches when I like Turkey. THAT is the small stuff. The small stuff is NOT the fact that you'll be touring constantly and me waiting around for you while you meet HUNDREDS of women........and men," Josh said trying to be as cold as possible. Josh had learned that trick from his father. Act told, detach from your emotions. It's easier to hurt, than to be hurt.
"Maybe you could come on the road?", Justin said, tears running down his cheeks like small rivers.
"Oh, good idea. Real good idea. I'll leave my home and business to follow you around. No life of my own, just sitting on a bus, waiting for you to come off stage or to get done with an interview. Acting like what? A Camera man? Security guard? Please. Stop dreaming. You can't ask me to give up my life here, anymore than I can ask you to give performing. It's who you are," Josh said, letting a tear escape, then pulling himself under control. He knew how much he was hurting Justin. He knew exactly what to say, where to go.
"Look, It was great meeting you, thank you for the tickets, you made Chase's life complete. Take care," Josh said, standing and offering his hand to Justin. Justin looked up in shock, and took his hand. Josh walked out of the room, hearing Justin break down and sob loudly as the door closed behind him.
"Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it," he kept telling himself lowly as he rode the elevator down knowing if he did, he'd break down and he wanted to make it out of the hotel before he let it get him. He walked into the pool area in time to see Joey throwing Chase across the pool. He landed with a loud splash.
"Chase, Let's go," Josh said with the same coldness he has spoken to Justin with as Chase's head popped out of the water.
"What, why? I'm having fun, Josh," Chase asked almost mad.
"I'm leaving, you want to a ride?", Josh asked.
"Don't sweat it, we'll get him home!", Chris said from the shallow end.
"Yeah, when he wants to go, we'll have a driver take him home," Lance agreed.
"Go on, party pooper!", Chase said looking at Josh.
"Oh, I've still got your trunks on, Chris," Josh said realizing he was about to head out in the thin shorts and nothing else.
"Don't sweat it. I don't want them now. I saw how big your piece is when Lance de-pantsed you. I'd feel inadequate wearing them now," Chris said, then went under water. Josh felt the blood rush to his face.
"All right, then. It was great meeting you guys. Thanks for everything. Come see me when you head this way again. Chase, behave," Josh added. All the guys and Chase bid him a fond farewell.
Josh headed out towards his Durango. He reached down, trying to stick his hands in his pocket to get his keys.
"Chris' room. My pants pocket," he thought. Josh walked back in and went to the pool area. He got Chris' room key, right before Chase had pushed Chris' head under the water. He ignored the horse play and headed to the elevator. He pushed the up button and waited. All he could think about was getting home, taking a shower and crying himself to sleep. He felt like he was on sensor over load. The door opened and he entered the elevator. Right when the door was about to close, a hand came in between the doors, trying to catch it. Josh kindly hit the "open doors" button to let the straggler on. When the doors open, he deeply regretted being so courteous. It was Justin. Josh looked into his eyes, then looked down. He saw the wet paths on Justin's soft cheeks from the tears he had caused.
"I'll......I'll catch the next one...," Justin said softly, backing away. Josh just nodded. The doors shut. Josh looked up at the last second. His eyes met with Justin's longing eyes. "You've fucked up," Josh thought. He pushed the thought out of his mind. The elevator seemed to take forever. Finally, the doors opened and he headed directly for Chris' room, not wanting to see Justin again. It was too hard. He got to Chris' door and slid the little key card into the slot. It popped open. He entered and shut the door behind him. He found his clothes and grabbed them in one arm.
He made sure he had his car keys and Chris' door key. When he was sure he did, he opened the door and entered the hall. Josh double checked to make sure Chris' door locked, knowing how their fans were obsessed with them. It was.
Josh quickly headed down, gave Chris the key back and said his good bye's once more. He went out, hopped into his Truck and locked the doors. He put his head down on the steering wheel and sighed. He felt the tears coming. The sobs hit him like a hundred punches from a phantom boxing team. They almost knocked the wind out of him, they were so deep. He hated to just leave, knowing he hurt Justin and knowing there was a chance here. A chance to find love again. A chance to heal. A chance to find the happiness he had lost.
He breathed deeply, composed himself and started his truck. He heard the familiar falsetto enter the speakers. It was the beginning to "This I Promise You." The tears hit him again, but this time the sobs stayed at bay. He left the parking lot. As he drove, he felt the urge to turn the CD off, but for some reason, his arm's wouldn't do what his mind was saying. He drove and listen to every word Justin sang.
When the visions around you Bring tears to your eyes And all that surrounds you Are secrets and lies I'll be your strength I'll give you hope Keeping your faith when it's gone The one you should call Was standing here all along
And I will take You in my arms And hold you right where you belong Till the day my life is through This I promise you This I promise you
Josh finally had to pull over on the side of the road somewhere in between the hotel and his home. He was so over come with emotion. Every word that flowed through the Infinity speakers spread out in his SUV seemed to speak to him. Seemed to tell him to go back. Seemed to hurt him like a thousand blades piercing his heart. His already fragile and tender heart.
The tears burst through again. He cried for Austin. He cried that their dream of growing old....... handing down Peace Frogs to the right person....... and eventually moving to Colorado to spend their last years watching the sun rise over the mountains and just holding each other....... would never happen. Not only would that not happen, but he would never touch Austin again. He would never be able to gently run his finger tips over the birth mark in the small of Austin's back again. But there was something else.......
A feeling of standing in the middle of a highway. He felt like life was passing him by at 75 miles an hour. But he also knew that all he had to do was reach out his hand, and he could move with the flow. But reaching out his hand meant swallowing his pride. Reaching out his hand meant letting down the wall he had built to protect himself. Reaching out his hand meant leaving Austin and his love for Austin somewhere on that highway. The highway of life, I guess you could say.
Josh made it home after his pause for relief. Somehow, when he left that spot, Josh felt different. He felt a little. . . . . lighter? That night approached fast and Josh welcomed the chance to sleep, and distance himself from that night.
"Mmmmm.......I knew that I shouldn't have let you go," Justin said moaning as Josh kissed his way down his stomach.
"I shouldn't have left," Josh said, working his way back to Justin's lips. "I'm just glad you're here now."
"I want you to make love to me, Josh," Justin said pulling Josh's head up so he was staring directly into Josh's pale, blue eyes. "Just make it gentle. We have all night." Josh leaned in, releasing some of his weight off his hands and onto Justin's waiting body. He immediately felt Justin's hardness pressing against his slowly growing member.
"It's....It's been awhile......," Josh said quietly. Justin was kissing his shoulder softly, taking in Josh's manly scent secretly.
"It's okay, something tells me we're not in control of tonight.....," Justin said. Josh raised his head from lightly sucking on Justin's ear lobe and ran those words through his head........we're not in control.......
"Hold on, I'll be right back," Josh said placing a long, heated kiss on Justin's lips. He raised up off Justin, but not before placing several light kisses on Justin's pec's. He walked through the doorway leading into his bathroom.
"I know they're here...damn...," Josh said. He opened drawer after drawer.
Finally, in the bottom of a box he saw the object he needed.
"Damn, only one," Josh thought as he dumped the condom box into his hand. One Trojan fell out in his hand. "Guess that's better than none," he said softly.
Josh returned into the room. Justin laid still in the shadow of the large canopy over Josh's bed. Josh approached, slinking his body, trying to look sexy to Justin's awaiting eyes. He finally got to the bed and got on, slowly, running his face from Justin's feet, still covered with his shoes and socks, up his Old Navy jeans, up to his exposed stomach (which Josh secretly had desired to kiss for a very long time), finally up to Justin's face. His eyes were closed. Justin had fallen asleep. He had fallen asleep on the one night they had to share. Josh actually felt a little sigh if relief. He didn't know how things would work, or even if he would be able to please Justin.
Josh sighed and laid the condom down on the U-haul box which was his acting night stand. He slowly crept over Justin's body so he was on the other side of his warm body. He laid down, pulled Justin closely and began to rest. He felt Justin nestle up against him and say something softly. Josh began thinking. How had Justin known where he lived? Well, all he had to do is ask anyone in town. Chase? He also couldn't help but wonder what it was Justin had just mumbled.
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I know that was short, but Chapter 7 is almost done! So, don't worry there is more to come shortly! Thank you ALL for all the imput. That's what makes a story worth writing.
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