Jasper had to walk slowly as the wad of bills impeded his legs from taking full steps. He smiled as he realized that he had lost a penis but gained a fortune.
It was about 8:30 and up ahead in this upscale shopping area, he spied a leather store. The window was still lit and he hurried inside.
The clerk, like the usual clerk in costly stores, was a snob, forgetting that he belonged to the lower economic status, accustomed to dealing with the rich. He, like those types, were experts on clothing style and he recognized the suit was at least two years old. Also the fit was atrocious, he thought, not knowing about the currency it hid.
"I'm looking for a secure suitcase."
In mockery, the clerk reached for a Gucci case, the kind that would do for a weekend in the Hamptons.
"This is one of our better pieces of luggage."
Jasper, not being an expert in suitcases, looked at it and it seemed the right size. When he read the price on the tag, he was taken aback, but money was no object at the moment.
"I'll take it. Say, do you have a men's room?"
The clerk, sniffed. "It's only for employees."
Jasper reached into his breast pocket and extracted an tidy bundle of bills. He counted out the price of the case and lifted his eyes to the dried up sham upper class fellow and handed him a twenty dollar bill. "Direct me to the facility."
In the toilet, Jasper transferred all his money, including those pesky bills in his crotch, to the handsome, green lined case. Feeling lighter and more himself, he jauntily exited the toilet.
"Say Dude, do you know if there is a good hotel nearby."
"I would recommend the Plaza, but you'll need a taxi."
Of course Jasper had heard of that fine hotel. He had always wanted to stay there. He stepped outside and was buoyed by noting that many empty taxis were passing by. He hailed one and in a short time drew up in front of the Plaza. As he alight, the doorman, also an appraiser of men decided that this young fellow with the old fashioned suit, yet carrying an expensive suitcase, was suitable for his respect.
He reached in the cab and took the case, while Jasper paid for the ride from his stack of bills in his other breast pocket.
Handling a bill to the bellman he followed him to the desk.
The desk clerk could have been a brother to the dried up fellow in the luggage store as he appraised Jasper, but some hidden signal from the doorman changed his demeanor.
"Yes sir, how may I assist you?"
"I'd like to have a suit."
"Oh our suite are reserved weeks in advance." But then judging the situation craftily he decided that he would discover one available and thereby obtain a nice tip from the man with the Gucci suitcase.
"I may be able to help you. How long will you need it?"
"Not long, perhaps two nights."
"In that case..." he snapped his fingers and a bellman appeared and took the case. "Show Mr. Jasper to the Suite 202."
The suite was sumptuous. The livingroom boasted a white piano and the view was exquisite. Too bad he was so tired that he couldn't order and drink and just enjoy this experience.
He went into the bedroom and undressed, carefully, as was his habit, he hung the old suit on hangers. When he took off his underwear, he was shocked anew, seeing no appendage between his legs. The neatly trimmed pubic hair seemed a reminder of what it formerly protected.
Jasper went to the John and again urinated sitting down, lady- style. He comforted himself by determining to take his penis out of pawn, the next day.
Oh that wonderful shower, then a magnificent breakfast and the nice long walk to the downtown street in which the pawn shop existed.
There it was. He noticed the sign stated "open" but as he reached for the doorknob, a small hand reached up and turned the sign around to "closed".
What was this all about. Luckily he little man had not had the time to lock the door and Jasper turned the knob and rushed in, and grabbed the elf by his labels.
"Hey you little bastard, are you trying to keep me out?"
The dwarf looked frightened and said breathily. "I'm not Irish. I'm not that kind of little man. There is no pot of gold here. Scram you oaf."
But Jasper held on. I'm here to redeem my penis. I have the money for it."
"Too late, I have already notified my best clients of the auction."
"Auction? That's illegal, it was only yesterday. You must, under New York law hold it for a period of time."
"That is true, but I never thought you'd return and your pawn is superior. I hope to get at least ten thousand for it."
Then putting his index finger along side his crooked nose, he said purringly, "We'll spit it."
Back and forth they went. The dwarf would not relent. It was finally decided that Jasper should come back at one PM and bid for it.
"May I see it?"
"I'll let you look through the window in the door. The penis room is back here."
Jasper looked with amazement as the little man prattled on. "See we have fine Chinese pricks, and see that hairy large one that was pawned by a famous wrestler. I also have a movie star's penis, not exceptional, but he once was famous. And there is yours, handing in the place of honor.
Jasper recognized it immediately from lone association. The prick did not acknowledge its owner, and that was sad. Jasper kept looking longingly, until the propriety pulled him away and pushed him toward the door, saying "One o'clock, on the dot."
End Part Two