Paulina

Paulina and Mary's Pain – Prelude to Paulina Rescues Mary

If you enjoy reading the stories here, please consider donating to Nifty. Your financial support is important in order to keep the stories coming for everyone.

http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

This is a work of fiction. The characters exist solely in my head. And, well, here too.

If you haven't read the other stories about Paulina's adventures, please do so, as they will offer some background and context. The collection can be found here:

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/transgender/teen/paulina/

I suggest reading "Paulina – An Introduction" first of course. More stories will be added as they are ready.

This piece takes place the day before she meets Bernard in Paulina and the Gentleman. It is the prelude to "Paulina Rescues Mary", which will be published next. This sets the context of what is included in the rest of that story. It will help make a little more sense if you read this one first.

There is a prequel to this story which provides background and explains the day and night before, which was when Carolina and Hilary declared to each other that they had fallen in love. I may post that one in the future.

Please let me know what you think. I have received wonderful feedback on my other stories. Email me at deviantigusti@yahoo.com. If you have criticism, please be constructive.

Here are the main characters in this one. Everyone is 15. They all have been in classes together since 5th grade except for Robert and Tina.

Paulina (Empress): Cross-dressing boy. Pretty, Italian looks.

Carolina and Hilary: Couple who declare their love to everyone. Carolina is one of Paulina's colonies. Hilary is her girlfriend and ex-friend of Mary, who sexually abused her for a couple of years. Part of the group of friends.

Kathy/Delaware, Tina/Senegal, Rob/Ghana: Paulina's colonies.

Mary R., Beth, Heather, Kathryn: Group of girl friends at school.

Mary S.: Classmate of everyone. Formerly in the group of friends. Disliked by everyone due to her bitchy personality and her abuse of her best friend Hilary. Victim of harsh sexual and physical abuse by her uncle over a long time.

David: Mary's twin brother. Classmate of everyone. The only person aware of her sexual abuse in their family. He does his best to love and comfort her. They have an ongoing incestuous relationship.

Prologue to Paulina Rescues Mary Paulina and Mary's Pain

At the end of 7th period, class let for the day, so everyone was going to their lockers to drop off and pick things up before they went home. Most of us had our lockers in the same place, except for Ghana (Rob), Louis and Senegal (Tina). As we walked outside, Carolina (Carrie) and Hilary had their pinky fingers entwined and were smiling sweetly at each other as they walked. Beth, Delaware (Kathy), Heather and Kathryn were still watching them. Mary R. smirked, knowing what they were all trying to figure out, probably more than any of them would guess.

Ghana was at the bike rack, sitting on it after he unlocked my bike. He watched us all come out of the building and didn't notice Senegal come up behind him.

"Ghana, what're you watching? Is something going on with Empress (Me, Paulina!)and the girls?"

"Oh, hey, Senegal. Yeah, I think so. Empress said to watch them after school and let her know what I find out. So I'm watching them. She said to especially watch Carolina and Hil'ry, and what the other girls do. Delaware and Heather, too."

"Oh. Maybe that's what they were talking about at lunch. I missed what it was, but Delaware was watching somebody. But her and Heather? Lord, them two! Heather is so sweet and friendly to everyone. Including Empress. But somebody doesn't like that too much."

"I wonder who that is?" he said sarcastically. They both laughed.

"And you know it doesn't help when Empress is all friendly back. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I told her she terrible for messin' with Delaware like that. She just laughed and said it was all for fun."

"But you know Empress would never hurt her feelings on purpose. She cares for her too much to do that."

"For true. Say, why don't you go find out what's going on? We can trade what we find out tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll let you know. See you later."

Senegal walked over to the girls.

As we all walked out of the front doors, I noticed Ghana sitting on the bike rack, ready to watch us. I gave him a little smile as we passed.

We got to the tree that the girls usually stood under while waiting for the bus. Everyone was chatting a little, but it was clear that both Heather and Delaware were intently paying attention to Carolina and Hilary. I spoke up to interrupt the odd but amusing situation.

"So, Carrie, Hil, something's different. Care to share?"

"Oh – what? Different? No, um, we're okay. W-what do you mean?" Carolina replied kind of nervously.

Heather piped up before I could respond. Hopping, she exclaimed happily "I KNOW – I KNOW WHAT IT IS! YOU TWO –"

"Are in love" Delaware interrupted, with a smug look on her face because she beat Heather to it.

"YES! THAT'S IT! I KNEW IT! That is SOOO sweet!" Heather was beside herself with happy enthusiasm, hopping and squeezing Kathryn's hand.

"Oh – well, um..." Carolina started to say with a blush. She squeezed Hilary's hand tight.

"C'mon, c'mon, don't deny it. Tell us!"

Hilary stepped forward with her chin held high. "Yes, we're in love! We told each other yesterday. I'm so lucky to have my Princess! I love her!" She pulled Carolina in for a big kiss. There was the expression of `awwws' all around.

"OH. MY. GOD! THAT IS SOOO ROMANTIC! SO SO SWEET! EEEEEE!" Heather was ecstatic and about to hit romantic overload. Before the couple could stop her, she grabbed the two of them into a big hug and planted two big, wet kisses on their cheeks. "I'm SO happy for you guys!"

Carolina and Hilary shared a sweet smile, looking over Heather's shoulders as they hugged.

"Alright, Heather, come on, they have to breathe again. So do you" Kathryn said in her sweet, patient voice she usually used for her.

Heather gave them one more squeeze before letting them go. She stepped back, her eyes misty with happy tears. Taking one of Kathryn's hands again, she wiped her eyes with it, not caring that it wasn't her own. Kathryn looked away with a sweet eye roll, like this wasn't the first time she did this.

"Ohhh...now this morning makes sense. Mary, did you know?" Beth asked her suspiciously.

"Yep, sure did. But it wasn't my place to say, so I didn't" Mary replied with a smug smile of her own.

Delaware moved closer to me and whispered "See? I told you I would figure it out first!"

"Of course you did" I whispered back. "Heather was just half a second too slow!"

"Empress! Not nice!" she whispered, squeezing my hand.

Senegal poked me on the side to get my attention. "That's it? That's what these two have been staring at and trying to figure out?" she said glibly.

"Apparently so."

She turned to Carolina and Hilary. "But y'all, we've known this for a while. It's clear that y'all are in love. Why'd y'all wait so long to tell each other?"

They both blushed, squeezing each other's hand.

"We...um, well, it's a pretty serious thing. You don't just tell someone that until you're really, really sure. Sometimes it takes a while, even if you feel it and know it" replied Carolina.

"Yeah. Plus, you worry that the other person might not feel the same or might not be ready to hear it" Hilary added.

"Oh. Well, that makes sense. I'm happy for y'all." Senegal gave them both sweet smiles.

"Well girls, this calls for a celebration. Pizza Saturday night?" I asked.

Carolina and Hilary looked sweetly at each other. "Sure, that sounds fun."

"Yay! It's gonna be a party!" Heather exclaimed.

"Um, y'all, the busses are here, so we better go" Delaware pointed out to everyone.

"Alright, I'll see y'all tomorrow. Carrie, Hil, I'm happy for y'all too" I said sweetly. Carolina looked at me with an expression that said `thanks, glad you approve.' Hilary gave me a thumbs up as she held Carolina's hand up the step on the bus. The rest of the girls followed.

Senegal waited until they were gone before speaking.

"Empress? Was that really it? You look like you know more than you're saying. And Mary definitely knows more."

I squeezed her hand. "I can only guess, but it's none of our business. Unless they want to say something. Know what I mean?"

"Wha-? Ohhhh. You mean–"

I held up my hand to stop her. "No, I'm not saying anything. It's not our place to. Think what you want. It might be the same thing I'm thinking about, but that's it. We can't say anything, okay?"

"Yes Empress, I got it." She looked at me and made the slightest kiss with her lips. In a sultry voice (which I'd not heard her use before) she said "I bet we are thinking the same thing."

"Maybe so" I replied in a similar voice. I blew her a kiss back.

She saw her mom's car coming, so she gave my hand a little kiss. "Bye Empress, see you tomorrow."

"Bye, beautiful."

As I was turning t go to my bike, I saw someone in the corner of my eye. It was Mary S. She looked like she had probably been standing there the whole time, watching Hilary and the rest of the girls. She had her arms folded tight and looked angry, but I suspected something else as well. She caught me looking at her but didn't turn away. I thought to myself `this will be interesting', so I walked towards her. I was surprised she didn't walk away when she saw me coming.

"Mary" I said coolly.

"What do you want?" she replied with the same cool tone.

"You've been staring at them all day. I think you're a little jealous, despite everything you...did to her."

She looked at me wide-eyed, like I saw her thoughts.

"Wha? No. She can have that bitch Carrie for all I care."

"Uh huh. So you do care."

"I-I didn't say that! I-I don't like her anymore."

"Don't lie to me, Mary. I can see right through you, and I know there's more."

"You-you don't know anything! You think you're so special? You can't see through me, or what I think. You're just talking shit, like you always do" she spat back.

I chuckled to myself, watching her reaction. I wasn't upset with her, despite her nasty attitude so far, because I wanted to see how far I could get.

"Wh-what are you laughing at?!? Just leave me alone already!" She crossed her arms, with her feet planted solidly. She wasn't going to leave first.

I spoke in a calm voice. "Mary, believe it or not, I'm not here to fight with you. I know we don't like each other, but we can be civil. You don't have to be so defensive."

"Why? Why do you want to talk to me? Last time you did, you said you were gonna hurt me. Why should I believe you now?" She was very nervous, her voice wavering.

I stared into her eyes for a moment. She genuinely looked frightened. I knew that look. I'd seen it before. It was painful. I took a slow step towards her before speaking. She recoiled and took her own step back.

"Mary, you don't have to believe me, but I'm not going to hurt you. I promise." She didn't move.

"Why? What do you want? I don't believe you! I don't trust you!"

"I know." I took a step closer. "You don't have to. But I'll show you that you can, even if just for now."

She took another hesitant step back, like a scared cat that wasn't sure it could get away.

I saw her look over my shoulder briefly, letting me know that someone was coming. Without looking, I pointed behind me and spoke loudly.

"David, Mary and I are just talking. That's it. I'm not going to hurt her or anything. So give us a few minutes, will you?"

He was silent for a few moments before replying. "Mary, you okay? Want me to make her leave you alone?"

"N-no, I-I'm alright. I'll yell if-if I need you. But don't go far, okay? Promise you won't?"

"Okay, I'll be over there. Promise. Just yell for me, okay?"

She looked a little relieved as she gave him thankful eyes. "O-okay. Thanks." She looked back at me, her expression chaotic and confused.

"You really liked Hilary before, huh? Maybe a long while back?"

"Yes – wait, that's none of your business!"

"I know. But I want to ask anyway. It's obvious you still care for her, even if just a little."

"So? What does it matter? It doesn't."

"Because I can tell it hurts. I can see it."

"How can you SEE it?!? You don't know me! Nobody can SEE anything!"

"Oh, but I do. Call it intuition, or empathy, or whatever. But I do see it. And it's not just about Hilary. You're fractured. Like a pretty crystal with a flaw inside, ready to crack at the slightest pressure. I know fractured people...close to me."

"Fr-fractured? Y-you think I'm broken or something?"

"Yes. But it's not your fault."

"Wha...n-not? I-I uh, um..."

"Quiet. You don't have to say anything. Just listen, okay?"

"A-alright. But only for a little bit." She crossed her arms tight and didn't take her eyes off me.

I stepped a little closer. She didn't move.

"You're right, I don't know you, and I don't know what happened to you. But I don't need to, to know what I see." Her eyes widened when I said this. She unconsciously rubbed her wrists together. I could see fading bruises on the insides of each one. Like they were grabbed hard.

I took another step closer. She still didn't move.

"I can tell that whatever it was, it was difficult and painful."

Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "H-how do you know?"

I stepped closer, close enough to touch her. I slowly reached my hand up to her face. She started to flinch, but then held still. I reached out and caressed her cheek. It was warm, and damp. I hadn't noticed her tears.

She froze still for a moment when she felt my palm on her cheek, but then relaxed slightly, leaning into it with the smallest amount of pressure. Her eyes closed, squeezing out a few more tears.

I held her cheek for a few moments, feeling her soft skin. I began to slowly rub my fingers against it.

"I've seen it before on someone...very close to me. It's not easy, knowing. She, um, that person, is fractured too. So I try to help them keep things together."

She kept a little pressure on my cheek and didn't seem to mind my fingers gliding over it. "H-how?"

"I give them my love and support any way I can. When I can't, I give them all my hope. It makes me feel like things might be better one day, even if a little. It's more for me than for them, but I keep hope anyway."

She sniffled a little and let her arms fall and relax. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment. She slowly closed them and opened them. Her tears had stopped, and her angry and frightened face was turning more neutral, but the fractured pain was easy for me to see in her brown eyes. Almost as dark as mine. She had the look I had sometimes.

I pulled my hand away from her cheek, for which I received a surprisingly slight, disappointed pout on her lips. I reached up and moved a few strands of hair from her face with one of my fingers. They were still moist from her tears.

"I see that you need the pain to stop and go away and never come back. You want to be whole again and not fractured."

"I-I want...b-but I can't. I...I don't know how." She was on the verge of tears again.

"You need love, Mary. Real, pure and honest. I think your slowly dying inside. The pain is dragging you down and away. But I can tell you don't want to go."

"I-I don't" she whispered, with a faraway look.

I brought my palm to her tear moistened cheek again, which she leaned into a little more than before.

"I think you were happy once, maybe a long time ago? But that Mary slowly went away. Got pulled away. And you are still being pulled."

"...Still" she whispered again.

I pulled my hand slowly down to her shoulder and held it for a moment.

"I can't tell you how to make it all go away. No one can, I don't think. But you have to find a way, find something that makes it easier, less painful. Or something that helps you get through the pain. Or someone." I made the slightest tilt of my head in her brother's direction. "Find a way to let it go, even if just a little."

"I-I...I don't know..."

"I think there is something. You know I know. But I think it's good." Her eyes widened again, knowing what I was talking about.

"David's a real dick, and you're a real bitch, but I can tell that the love you have for each other is real, and strong. Hold it tight and don't let go. Think of it as maybe a fence, with a ladder behind it. Let him be the gate, helping keep hurtful things out. Let your...love, be the ladder. When you love each other, imagine taking a little step up. You can't see the top, but one little step is higher and a little farther from the pain at the bottom."

Her face showed many emotions in just a few short moments. There was a little irritation when I told her what I thought of them, then curiosity as I described the fence and ladder. Then there was shock, knowing what their loving was.

"Y-you know?"

"I do. When I fought David, I got it out of him. He didn't come out and say it, but I knew I was right." I reached over and put a finger to her lips, and slowly pulled it down to her breast, over her heart. I leaned in close and spoke in a low voice.

"If y'all want to fuck or make love or whatever makes you feel good, then do it. I think when you do, it's truly sincere. I'm no one to judge, so I don't. I also won't tell. This is very personal, and despite what you think, I don't discuss other people's inner, personal secrets. I have my own and would never want anyone to tell if they knew."

"W-we, uhh...um..." she uttered in a scared and anxious voice.

"Shhh. Do what you need to do. But stop being hateful and nasty to everyone. None of us in class with you caused your pain. You don't have to be all sweet and nice, and I don't expect you to. But find a different way to let it out. No one likes who you are anymore, and I know that only makes it worse. You can't let it keep dragging you down. You'll get to the point that you can't come back, and no one will want to help you."

"No one else...helps" she said in an almost far away voice.

I took her hand. "I know. But you need to find someone along with David who will. You need to at least try. Will you do that?"

"I-I'll try."

"Good. And remember this – it is not your fault. None of it is your fault, despite what anyone tells you. Never forget that."

"Not...my fault..."

"No. Not your fault."

"O-okay."

I had one more surprise for her. I pulled her into a tight hug. Despite letting me touch her face earlier, she did not expect this at all, and she went stiff as a board. I spoke softly in her ear.

"When you and David fuck, or suck, or whatever, do it as intensely as you can. Enjoy every minute of it. Feel it. Love it. I think it is helping you stay alive inside. Some people will think it's wrong, but I don't. I understand. If you both want it, and it feels good, then do it. As much as you want." I gave her cheek a soft kiss. "And I know you hate me, but you can always talk to me. I won't tell anyone."

"Huh?—" She gasped a little, with a look of surprise on her face as I pulled away. I squeezed her hand once more before letting her go.

"One more thing – the reason I came over here. I know that you know that Hilary and Carrie are in love. You don't have to be happy about it, but don't be mean or negative about it either. Keep whatever you think about it to yourself. Let them enjoy it." I let her go and stepped back. "Now, I don't want to look at you anymore, bitch. I've got better things to do with my time" I said sarcastically, but with no mean intentions behind it. I think she realized that I was playing with her a little.

"All right, bitch. Go away" she replied in the same manner. She had the slightest smile on her lips. I blew her a little kiss before turning to go.

David had been watching us the whole time we talked. He wanted to run over and push me away when he saw me reach to touch Mary's face, but stopped himself when he saw her let me do it. He was also very surprised when I hugged her before turning to go. He was confused and didn't know what to make of it since he knew that I really didn't like his sister at all.

I met him as he was walking over to her. He was startled when I grabbed his arm and pulled him close.

"David, take care of her and help her. She needs your love and caring right now. All of it." He gasped as I reached between his legs and fondled his cock and balls for a few moments. I gave him a knowing wink before turning and walking away. He stood there for a moment, scratching his head in confusion before going to Mary.

They both watched me walk away for a few moments before hurrying to each other.

"Mary, you ok? Was she a bitch to you?" He asked, with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm...okay. She wasn't mean."

"What did she tell you?"

"She, um, she said she could tell. About...you know. She didn't know exactly, but she knew that...that it hurts." She looked down, almost wanting to hide her face.

He reached over and raised her chin with his hand. "Hey...it's gonna be alright...somehow. We'll figure it out. I-I don't want it to happen anymore. I don't want you to feel like you do anymore. I-I want to help you."

She teared up for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug. "Please...I-I need you. Help make things better. H-help it...stop."

"I-I'm here, sis. I'm not going away."

She looked into his eyes. "She...she said we...need to do it more. As much as we want. She said it's...okay."

"R-really? She said the same thing to me too."

"I-It makes me feel better, Dave. I-I love it when you touch me. It doesn't...hurt."

"Can I come sleep with you tonight? After mom and dad go to bed?"

She gave him a sweet, hopeful look. "Will you? I...really want you to. I...need you."

He kissed her lips and replied sweetly "Anything for you, Mary." They hugged once more before starting their walk home.