Out of Rhythm Part 6: Changing something unchangeable P1
The events and people you are about to be read are only work of fiction and just a product of my imagination. Any similar events are extremely coincidence and not a proof of copying. Be aware of the sexual orientation, although it is really part of it. O.o
-Xander
Next thing I know, something crashed on my jaw that made me fall down. Not so long after I realized, Renz had swung his fist ball on my face. Kyrian was in between us anxious. "Dude what the hell is wrong with you!" Kyrian practically yelled pushing him back. Brit and Floren were on my side. We started to get some attention.
"Come on, I got your back." I heard Floren say as he was helping me stand. "God your bleeding, I'm gonna get some ice." I heard Brittany say, I was too drowsy to open my eyes, too disoriented. And if I'm not mistaken, Renz had stormed out and Trisha followed him. Great! Now he was hurt and so was I, but that's not enough.......
A week earlier....
It wasn't long before Floren became close to Ky, Brit and I. He was actually optimistic, something that l very much liked about him. And not to mention he was "new candy" in the school. Almost all of the girls had their eyes on him. Well, he was insanely adorable especially when he smiled. I can't blame the girls if they dropped their panties off just to be with him.
"Jeez" Floren lamented, "all of these girls are really freaking me out. A week ago, I had these letters that asking me go out. A couple of days ago, more letters came. Now," He took out a box of chocolate. "They are the ones courting me." He continued making a face. We laughed.
"Buddy you should consider yourself lucky. I on the other hand I'm doomed when it comes to girls." Kyrian said frowning. I rolled my eyes and continued reading.
Floren held his hand. "That's not true boy, you have me." Kyrian freaked out and snatched his hand free. We laughed. "I rather die alone." He scoffed.
"And you honestly believe I'd fall for you? I'm only gay not crazy." Floren laughed and so did the rest of us. "But seriously, Can't these girls see the signs, I'm gay. I mean, I'm gorgeous and all but I like what they like too, right Xander?" He said looking at me.
"That's actually your choice. I'm different so don't compare yourself to me."
"Ha-ha as if he concerned about us" Brittany said. "Guys like Renz should have their neck twisted 180 degree." They chuckled.
"Can--" I snapped. ", we just talk something else."
It was almost two weeks since that day. I can't believe how stupid I was. I tried to erase it from my mind. I was convinced that I was always a fool when it came to figuring people out, that somehow it was my fault. But it doesn't mean that I don't blame Renz either. It still hurt but I'm a good actor at keeping my bruised emotions hidden
"Well speaking of Satan's kid." Brittany sneered.
"Hey you." Trisha greeted tossing her black long hair. "You guys seem to be having so much fun together. Renz told me you guys are so cool. Can we have a seat?" She asked while cuddling Renz's arm, I kept staring at my book pretending that I was reading.
"Of course you can seat here." Floren said patting the seat between me and Floren. Kyrian sneered while Brittany smiled. It turned awkwardly quiet.
"So," Floren said reaching for my hands. I eyed him but didn't back away. "What do you want for your birthday tomorrow baby?" He asked as if he was my boyfriend. Brit, Ky and I gave him a quizzical looks not knowing how to react. I mean, Floren was hot but I didn't develop any feelings towards him even if he was gay. We are just friends.
"Oh so you two are together? That's so sweet." Trisha said adoring.
"Yep, and I'll get anything he wants for his birthday."
"What about you throw a party? At A-Venue?" Kyrian suggested liking Floren's idea. Great! What was happening? I was speechless. "Okay, my treat. I'll make it awesome for my baby." He Winked at me.
"Aw that's so sweet." Trisha said.
"A-Venue it is. So you guys should come!" Brittany said pointing at Trisha and Renz who kept his stare on me looking hurt after discovering about Floren and I. "Are you kidding me? Of course we will." Trisha said.
"I'll invite our other friends, it'll be a night of black outs." Brit quipped.
I then felt Renz necklace hidden under my shirt get a little heavier. I didn't take it off, I was still holding on to his promise. I gulped thinking that should have returned it to him a long time ago. There was no point in hanging on to it.
"Hey babe, can we get going?" Renz snapped. "I feel a little frisky." He actually kissed her neck when he said frisky. I couldn't help but look back.
"Your place or mine" Trisha asked smiling "how about my room" He said eagerly. They then left.
I retracted my hands from Floren. "Hey I'm sorry about that." He said.
"What for" I asked. "Oh come on we're not dumb like you think" Kyrian said. "We know something is going on with you and that guy. The way you look at each other plus I have never seen you act like that since we were kids. And I couldn't help but to go along with Floren's idea. Renz has to taste of his own medicine.
Brit took my hands. "Look Xander, You don't have to say it cuz I know you'll just deny it. But you and I know that you liked him more than any other guys you have ever met." Kyrian was about to protest "except that dork there." She pointed out.
I leaned further into my seat and sighed "crazy huh?"
I hate to admit it but I know myself more than anyone else. I don't know how but I was falling over Renz and it hurts because when things start to patch up, it just went down like nothing happened. But of course I can't fool myself. He's the gorgeous rich guy that every guy could envy and here I am the lone gone gay guy who blames everyone for his own misdeeds. I mean, who am I to wish to be with him....
I walked blankly with Kyrian as we went home. He was talking about this new girl he met but I didn't give the conversation much attention.
"So what do you think about Samantha?" Kyrian asked. I didn't answer. He slapped my back, I almost tumbled down. "Jeez Xander snap out of it, have you been listening to me?"
"Huh? Yeah about Samantha you should ask her out or maybe ask her tomorrow night so you can talk some more." I said not sure if those words really came out of my mouth. He was smiling at first then shoved his arms on my shoulder tousling my wavy hair.
"Hey!" I said prying off his hand. He grabbed something on my neck. It was the necklace that Renz had given to me. He took it out and let it rest on my shirt. I looked at him shocked. So, he knew?
"Is that Renz's?"
"How did you know?" I asked lowering my head. He responded"I'm your best friend dummy so I know all about you."
"I should give it back to him; it doesn't serve its purpose anymore."
"That's your choice, I know you are hurt, I mean, you been with this guy and I bet that won't change as long as you choose to be that way. You're always keeping your feelings inside trying to hide them, but you can't fool yourself. So, if you choose to let go of Renz and the promise of what could have been between you two. Just make sure it's what you really want and not because it's what you think is right. You're a good person so I'm not worried about your decision I know you will choose what's best for you.
I lowered my head and he promptly said "Don't always be the smarty-pants Xander, love yourself. I know you're a great guy or gay, whatever." His last phrase made me smile. He chuckled.
I stood in front of Renz's condo. I sighed before approaching. I asked for his room telling the lady through the intercom that I was a friend of his. She let me in. I felt that I had to give the necklace back; I guess I'd have to endure these feelings until they faded away, even if Renz was the guy I potentially wanted to be with, I didn't want to get hurt anymore. The necklace became heavier as I walked to his door. Guess I just needed to accept the fact that it would never worked between us. I had had two relationships in my life. The first guy I caught cheating on me, the other, just want to hook up. Both broke my heart, and I was so fed up of heart breaking.
I knocked on the door lightly. No one answered. I knock once more then twisted the door knob. It was unlocked. I opened the door and slowly walked into the living area. Then I heard squeaks coming from the bedroom. I walked to his room to find Renz on top of Trisha naked, fucking like crazy. I quickly step back hid myself and pressed my back to the wall staring blankly. Then I felt my chest tighten. It hurt so bad that I have to bite my lips to keep myself from inhaling loudly. My hands were shaking. I knew I wanted him, 'love' if that's what it really was, but he didn't feel the same and seeing him fuck a woman felt like a slap on my face, I knew I had to move on. I smiled even if my heart hurt something awful and my throat burned. I won't cry, I thought to myself.
I smiled again then unclipped the necklace on my neck. I stared at it before putting it down on the floor in the front of his room. I turned and walk away when I accidentally bumped into a small cabinet and made a light screech.
"Oh my god!" I heard Trisha say. I ran as quick as I could to the door then rushed on to the exit stairs; I didn't bother to take the elevator. When I was out of the building, I wrapped my head with my hood then walked away. I wanted the pain to stop; I wanted to get exhausted so I ran as fast as I could without minding my direction. It was almost like I wanted to outrun my pain or at the very least run my way through it.
-Renz
"I think you should go now Trish." I said picking the necklace on the front of my door.
"But we aren't done yet and did you see who was sneaking in on us. God they might have videotaped us. What will my mother and father say if they---"
"Just go!" I almost yelled. She was shocked then put her clothes on and stormed out. I put on my pants then kept staring on the necklace.
"No, I want you to have it. Until then if I didn't gave you anything on your birthday, you should have it." I remember saying it.
I was hurt, so hurt to know that he finally moved on. Seeing him together with that Floren guy just killed me. I wanted to get rid of the pain so I fucked Ashley. But all I was thinking at that moment was Xander. He kept running through my head and I was so wrong making him go away. I freaked out when he said that he loved me, but I now realize without him in my life makes everything worse. I don't know what I am now, but after I decided to get rid of him, it just broke my heart. And I didn't do anything to make it right.
I paced alone in my room then my eyes flickered on my mom's picture. I picked it up and sat on the side of the bed. I stared at it "Mom, I have something to tell you." I whispered. "I don't know what is happening to me. But I'm so confused." I felt my eyes get watery. "I met a guy and we fooled around like a teenage kid. We had a couple of good times. I love Trisha, I think. But I see myself being with Xander. I know it sounds gay but I really wanted him to love me. But I ended up breaking his heart--" a sudden tear fall down. "I don't want to be a freak but what I want most of all is him. I just want you to be proud of me. I'm so confused right now, and I need my mom, I need you mom." I covered my face and then wiped my face. When I looked at mom's picture a reflection of a woman in white can be traced on the glass of the frame. She was smiling sincerely. It was my mother nodding at me. I looked on my back and saw no one. I looked back to the frame and she was gone. I started to cry......
-Valerie
I arranged the food on his bed as Jacob, Clara and Jane waited for the door to open holding a party poppers and small balloons. A little more than a minute and he'll be home. I cooked every dish that Xander wanted tomorrow is his birthday but Nick would just suspect. We have had regular arguments since I made up with my son. He still can't accept the fact that our son is gay, but I don't care he won't win me over. I just wanted to give him the luxury of time to understand what really Xander is, He's a good boy and a great son and he deserve to be happy. After his birthday I will force Nick to let Xander come back at home and there is nothing he can do about it. I can't afford to see him suffer in this small room while we are enjoying our home. He is part of our family and I love him.
The door swung open and I rush on the door picking up the cake together with my son and daughther.
"Happy Birthday!!!" We shouted as Jane and Jacob popped the party poppers. Xander jumped back a little. The he smiled. "What are you guys doing here?" We laughed.
"Well we wanted to surprise you." Clara said. "Did I miss the date? It's tomorrow." He said.
"I know you're going to be busy tomorrow, Kyrian said they'll be throwing a party tomorrow. Don't you like it?" I said frowning.
"You guys are sick." Xander cheered. I lit the candle on his cake. "Okay now boy blow you candle." "What am I six?" He said. "Oh just blow the candle for fist sake." Jane said rolling his eyes. He leaned to the cake stare at it a then a little dew started to build on his eye lids; he shook his head then blew it. I seemed to be the only one who noticed it.
"Let's eat! My tummy is grumbling" Jacob said. We just shook our heads. ******
Xander was beside me as Jacob, Jane and Clara cleared the plates and all the mess we had made as we ate. I missed this closeness especially when I saw them laughing with and at each other. I was ashamed that Nick wasn't here. I turned to Xander laughing at Jane's and Jacob's joke. He then frowned like he remembered something. "Come on spit it out." I said.
He looked then smiled a little. "I really can't hide anything from you." He said. "It was nothing, I'm just tired of people fooling around with me, playing me and being mean and---" He shook his head fighting the tears. I hugged him tight. "Sometimes I just wanted to have a break."
I looked at him. "Then why don't you do it. You deserve it, Make a change it's the best way of moving on. Make yourself happy Xander. You are a great person considering that you have gone this far without our help. You don't know how proud I am of you and I accept what you are. I love you son."
He smiled. "Will you be mad if I change a little?"
"What kind of change?" I asked skeptically. He took his bag and took out a plastic bag that had cosmetic hair dye and scissors.
"Well I've looked rugged my whole life, Can I be cropped and be blonde just for a change." He shrugged
I smiled. "Jane, Clara." I called. "Leave Jacob do the dishes, we have a customer." Clara and Jane both had huge smiles.
-Xander
They had already gone and was looking at my new look in the mirror. Mom really made a good job of cutting my hair. I still have the shaggy look but in a short way. And the blonde color? Jane and Clara were great. Jacob was our judge. I looked side by side and it was perfect. Physically, I had changed and I liked it. Later on I lay on my bed and started to ponder things. I wondered if I really had the guts to change both emotionally and mentally. To change how I feel about Renz, I feel so hurt again just by mentioning his name reliving how he used me just for sex. I am so done with other guys using me and so done by other people humiliating me for what I am. I have to step out my comfort zone and explore what I can really do. But the pain was still unbearable burden especially knowing that the person I loved kept hurting me over and over again
"It's the way everything has always been. The never ending cycle of emotion, pain then happiness that back again.." I remember Renz once said. But is it always has to be like that? Can't I be happy for a long time? I am so tired of being hurt. Can't I add another word on Ren'z phrase?
Revenge.
"Pain got it, next is revenge and then happiness." I thought. That's right. Starting tomorrow I can't let anyone hurt me again and if so, I'll let them taste how painful it can be, when they decided to mess with me. And first subject, Michael Renzo Hudson.......
-Renz
I stood at the front of the school leaning on my car. I waited and kept scanning the people that entered the hall. My eyes fell again to the small silver box I was going to give him. I hope that he would like it
*flash back
"So have you seen anything you like?" The sales lady said as she kept staring at me with those hopeful eyes. "I don't know it's like everything is the same." I shrugged at the wristlets lying inside the glass box.
"Is it for your girlfriend? I have something classical here but----"
"No it's actually for a guy."
"Ah, for a best friend" She said "more than that." I said. She looked quizzical for a moment then snapped out of it. She pointed a silver dog chain-like bracelet. I nodded no. I saw a flat-plain silver wristlet with a black embossed square shape at the center beside it. I pointed it and she smiled. "This one" She asked as she handed it to me.
I stared at it for a second. "I'll take it" I said. "If you want it engraved, I can do that you just have to write it here." She handed me a piece of paper. I stopped for a second pondering if I should write it. I would definitely exceed the lady's expectation. I smiled to myself. "love you -Renz." I wrote then handed it to her. She smiled at me after reading it. I smiled back; I swear I felt myself blush.
And until now I try to hide my smile as I look at the engraved writings at the wristlet. When I looked around I saw him.
My jaw fell to my chest. At first I thought he was a new kid. He had his hair cut a little shorter than before, exposing his face clean and he changed its color; He had a brown blonde color hair not like before. He was definitely gorgeous in his new look but I was a little disappointed, why did he have to change his look I wondered.
Every girl outside started to give him their attention, some even blushed. He walked like a lone wolf under the light of the morning sun. He was a perfect specimen. But something was different he looked cold and stone hearted. My heart pounded as he came closer, I was about to approach when Floren came in then they hugged. Floren sure was shocked by Xander's his new look but very optimistic about it. Brittany came and then Kyrian. They all started to laugh with the new Xander. They walked pass me, Xander saw me looking at him then looked away like I was nothing. I held the box tight in my hand.
After first class I saw him in his locker. I came close to him holding the box with my hand behind my back.
"Hey." I greeted.
He looked at me a little then smiled. "Hi Renz."
"I like what you did to your hair." I lied. "Happy Birthday." "Thanks." He said at a tone more like dead as he turned to walked away..
"So I see you brought back my necklace." I suddenly said not knowing why I brought it up. He turned. "Ah yes about that, I'm sorry if I interfered with your fucking session with Trisha. I hoped I didn't disturb you guys." I know those words were meant to be jealous but they sounded like a little cocky. "Jeez, you really fuck her hard back there, can't wait to feel that pussy on mine." I was taken aback by his words.
"Hey." Floren said.
"Hi babe" Xander excitingly said placing those full lips of his on Floren's. I felt my mind boil. They were actually make out and rubbing it in right in front of my face. I looked down. They then parted after what seems hours. Floren was flustered by Xanders attack. "Oh by the way you're coming to my party tonight right?"
I nodded.
"Great and do tell Trisha to come, we sure have so much fun tonight not to mention that it's a public place and we can do anything we want, And I mean anything." He then went back to attacking Floren's lips again.
"May I just add that I like how you do that 'thing' to her" Xander said winking at me before they left.
I stood there dumb, analyzing what just happened...
-Xander
"I don't like what's your plotting in your head Xander" Floren said, a little tense juding from the tension I felt as I gripped his hand. "I helped you to make him jealous but you seem way out of base today." You know his crotch was swelling.
I smiled. "I'm not even starting yet." I said.
So how was it? Let me know your comments and suggestions. Just email me here at discreetlyweird@yahoo.com . Bad comments are mostly welcome so if you guys have something to blabber, just tell it to me. I'm so sorry for the delay, my thesis and OJT is killing me but I promise I'll post chapter 7 before you can say SEX ;p Stay tuned guys...
Oh I yeah, I want to thank my good frind in editing this chapter. ELI, if you are reading this now, thank you ssssoooooo mmmuuuucchhh.... You make it more worth reading that the way I wrote it, or type, whatever ^_^