Out of Country

Out of Country

Out of Country

Holloway

1. Learning About Life

I love nights like this. The night is quiet, no wind, the smell of the sand and fresh air. It isn't always like this, often times it's completely different. The smell is burnt flesh or putrid blood running through the streets from a recent roadside bomb of IED as we like to call them. But, tonight is tonight, I never count on tomorrow, much less next week or next month, you just never know. I never think about the past or about home, after all my family gave up on me when I didn't meet their expectations of a nice wife and grandchildren, instead they got a Marine that liked guys and had no intention of pretending otherwise. The one truth I have to admit is my family has no way of knowing I'm a Marine if they did I'm sure they would tell the Corps I'm gay, gay and Marine just don't mesh too well when it is out in the open. Anyway, I'm loving tonight. I can probably see ten miles in either direction or at least to the mountains in the distance. If it were overcast I'd have my night vision on but for now, I'm in heaven. There is nothing better no matter where you are in the world then camping under the stars. It could be better if I had someone I liked with me, but that would create other issues for me in this setting that I just couldn't handle. This is my second tour, my first tour I spent seven months in Iraq before shipping over to Afghanistan, which I have to say I enjoyed more than Iraq, those mother fuckers over there are crazy son of a bitches. They don't only hate American's they hate each other, most fucked up thing I've ever seen. Afghanistan is different the people seem to be friendlier. I didn't come over here to hurt them, I came over here to help them rebuild their nation and that was all I wanted to do was provide security. It's about time to get some sleep so I'll sign off and write more tomorrow, if I'm still here.

Damn! it's been a week since I've had the chance to think. The next morning, my platoon was delivered into Afghanistan's mountainous areas looking for insurgents. The weather is cooler, the air is fresher. The guys in the platoon are all characters, they're the greatest bunch of guys in the world, we are just like a family. We always have each others back and when we have some type of alcohol we are a crazy bunch of mean bastards, if only in our own eyes. I'm tall for 22, my father is tall and my mother is italian. I have blonde hair with brown eyes, my mother said I got the Sicilian looks from her side of the family, how many Italians have you heard called Chason, maybe a Vinny would have fit better. Anyhow, my mother's family also turned their back on me once they found out about me being who I am, so fuck'em. Sorry for wandering but it is boring as hell up here. We're supposed to have maneuvers at first light checking out insurgent sights. I'll be glad to get started I'm bored as hell and it is only the time that I'm working that makes the time go faster. Now, in five months if I'm still around I'll be back in California. I'll get into that later. It's almost five am. I just finished fifty pushups to wake me up and then I washed up. My warm MRE while tasting like shit is food and I'm going to eat every bit. We're going deep in the valley that snake through the mountains looking for insurgents. Last night our platoon leader was told insurgents were seen in the area, so we could be in for an exciting time. We filed out one by one, single file, the sun was rising in the distance and I could feel the warmth in my body.

The sun is setting and we're pretty well holed up for the night, we found several caves during the day that had been used for something, can't be sure it was for insurgents, but we sealed them with explosives anyway. kind of sad in a way once this war is over and people go camping and try to find a place that is dry, they find all these old caves are filled in. Breaks my heart to see the destruction and it does my heart good because I know it is one less sniper position that could be used to kill GI's. Another MRE and I'm ready to crash out, I've got the midnight watch, no star gazing tonight instead it will be the beautiful greenish hue of night vision googles surveying the surrounding hills and valleys. I'd really like to have enough water to wash, I can smell myself coming and it is totally rank. Everyone is pretty much quiet but alert, it's that you never know what or when something can happen. I'll write more later. 1 am, it's chilly out here, we're higher up and therefore cooler than if we were down below. Not a cloud in the sky either, a perfect night for sniper fire. I know I said I don't think about going home to California but I do at times miss my best buddy in the world Walker. Walker is seven years older than me. We met during my first tour in Iran. Walker was an Army Sergeant at the time, I thought he was a total asshole. But, like all things over time that changed. I knew he was only doing his job and he wanted every guy that came over here to go back home walking, not in a bag. Our camps were co-located and we got to play basketball in the evenings his buddies against my buddies and from that we made friends. Now I didn't start out to like him more than a friend but the first time I had a chance to sit down and talk to him one on one about nothing more than bullshit, I was hooked. He was a sincere, down to earth guy from Georgia. He hunted, fished and camped just like me and like he said nothing in this country will make me love the outdoors in America any less. We talked every chance we got and I knew the bond we were building was far beyond what it should be at least in my mind, it wasn't that I wanted to throw him down and fuck him, but I was beginning to realize this was somebody or the type of somebody I could actually have a relationship longer than a fuck in the back of a car in a parking lot. I was really good at not taking it to the next step, at least that was until we had a mid day basketball game during a small break period on the holiday. I'd never really thought about his looks, after all he'd already trapped me with his down home, easy personality and common sense. The guys my age that I'd dated in the past all wanted to drink or get high and then fuck. I was eager for the fucking part but the other turned me off. Occasionally, I'd meet someone down to earth but they weren't looking for anything long term and I at least wanted to know more about a person then the size of their dick. I was already on the court warming up when Walker comes out to the court in a pair of Black Army shorts, no shirt, high tops and a pair of Oakleys. I saw him look over at me then he looked away, I'm glad he did because my hard on was visible a mile away. I figured if anyone else saw it they wouldn't know why I had one and wouldn't talk about it anyway, that would make them gay. Walkers hair was blonde, first time I'd ever noticed and his body was well defined but not to the point of being gym muscular, he took care of himself without overdoing it. I already knew he had blue eyes and when he smiled you wanted to wrap him up and take him home. Thank God, he has never figured out I love him but also want to make love to him endlessly. And, trust me at 22 when I say endlessly that is exactly what I mean. Anyhow, we played three games in the noon day heat, we were sweating to high heavens and must have drank 10 gallons of bug juice. When the last game was over, Walker told me he was heading to the shower before chow and I looked at him "me too." It turned out we were the first guys to hit the shower. We weren't showering at opposite ends but next to each other, talking like we did every day. I hadn't realized that while we were talking my hard on returned, I couldn't turn my back to him, he evidently saw my confusion, tapping me on the shoulder pointing to his own. We both laughed. He, winked, and I winked back. We turned away from each other finishing up our shower. While I was drying off and dressing for chow he yelled for me to save him a place in the chow line. I yelled back "okay." During chow I kept looking over at Walker, I would see him look over at me. He made me feel like a kid expecting Santa Claus to pop out of the chimney at any moment. Chow must have been good because I ate fast enough and don't remember what it was. When I left the mess tent I stood out front milling around waiting for Walker. He smiled at me as he walked out, he came over to where I was standing, his eyes looking directly in mine, "will you meet me at B3 tonight at 2200 hours?" I nodded, we shook hands and parted. I walked back to the barracks and my rack, the rest of the day, what there was of it, wouldn't go by fast enough for me. At 2200, I showed up at B3, the place was pitch black, not a sole in sight anywhere, Walker opened the door and told me to come in quickly. I walked in, he locked the door, and we walked down to the end of the trailer to another room that was empty except for a couple boxes. He locked the door back from the inside with a key. He handed me a coke and we sat on the floor and talked in hushed tones. We both beat around the bush, he reached out and touched the side of my face. He told me if I was wrong about him to let him know. I assured him he wasn't. I pulled him in my arms, his breath warm against my neck, he told me he cared for me from the first time we had met and that I was the nicest guy he'd ever known. We talked about his past for a long time, he had beed married for a few years but got divorced when his wife cheated on him during a deployment. He said he was actually glad they divorced because sooner or later how he really felt would have come out and she would have ruined his Army career. He told me he had been with a few guys who were just looking for sex. He said he felt different with me, like it knew there was something more. All the while he was talking my fingers ran up and down his neck and when he became quite I kissed him. That kiss was not like anything I had ever felt before. We kissed, our hands never searching for something more, kissing was something we both needed right now and it didn't include sex. Gotta run, more later.

Sorry about having to stop out of the blue. But Texas, one of the newest members of the platoon was standing over me asking what I was doing. He was a little short shit, with red hair and freckles, he could be anyones kid brother. I told him once I'd taught him to read I'd let him see. He called me an asshole and took over the watch at 3 am. I went to sleep.

Three exciting weeks have passed since my last entry. When I woke the next morning, it was raining and we kept on searching every crack and crevice. The following day was not much better, only difference was now we had company, several Taliban snipers had set up at the top of the valley where we had been searching and were pinging us every time someone moved, damn rounds bounced off the walls, scaring the shit out of you. We hadn't suffered any casualties but we were pinned down and the weather hadn't improved enough to bring in a drone strike. We remained behind cover most of the next day and a half. Rounds continued whizzing over our heads. When the drone finally was in position, the shot was a little too close bringing down a wall of granite that almost took all of us out. Now we were not only stuck in the valley but we were also unable to go back the way we came. The new coordinates would take us three days to get out. We traveled at night spending the days in hiding, we moved quickly and quietly getting to the drop point a with minutes to spare. We were up and out of there in less than 10 minutes. We were all tired but no worse for wear. We were back in camp one day and the next we were back out on extended patrol. The Pakistani's were making a push from their side that was pushing the Taliban insurgents in our direction. We were on full alert. We were tasked with setting up the front line for the offensive. Two weeks later we were relieved and sent to the rear, tired, dirty and miserable but, no worse for wear and a little wiser.

As I was writing last time, Walker and I lay there holding each other. He placed his head on my chest and we lay there listening to each other breathe, my fingers brushing over the side of his face and through his hair. Our time alone was passing quickly, we talked about seeing each other again and getting together back in the world, we didn't promise because we knew the future was not guaranteed especially for us. When we stood up I pulled him in my arms telling him that I'd never met anyone like him. We kissed once more then he quietly let me out the door waiting another five minutes before he walked out and locked the door. He could always say he had been working late but if anyone saw the two of us without lights on you could never be sure what the thought would be. Time continues ticking down slowly. Walker and I haven't had a chance to be alone in three months, it doesn't matter, when we see each other, play basketball together or have chow sitting next to each other it seems to be enough for now

Walker's platoon pulled out yesterday, out of the fucking blue, they headed out, no intel on where or if they would return. All I got had was two minutes to see him. He ran up to me while he was stowing his gear, we walked a few feet away, he told me they were heading out. He said he really cared for me. I got stupid and told him I loved him. His face got a bright red, I wasn't sure if I'd embarrassed him, until I saw his beautiful eyes looking very sad. He hit me on the shoulder and ran back to his platoon. I'm fucking miserable, not a word in two weeks. Every time I see a 1/13 Armored Division Army patch I ask the guy if he knows so and so, every reply is no. I'm not going to go crazy or act like some teenage girl or boy who is madly in love and just can't function. Not only can I function, but I will function and who the fuck I love is my own business. We've been stepping up our patrols. I stay so busy I don't have time to think.

It's been a week since I last wrote, at first I thought I was going to go fucking crazy and actually went to the Corpsman and told him I was having a hard time breathing and shit. He listened to my chest and stuff finally telling me I was under a lot of stress, he gave me a few pills, I took them, I could breathe all right but I'm fucking dying inside. Yesterday, the 1/13th Armored returned and Walker wasn't with them. When I finally made myself run into one of the guys that normally played basketball, I asked him about Walker. He told me Walker was downed in an ambush, he said Walker was alive when the chopper picked him up but didn't figure he made it, he was really bad. He said the Chaplain would know. I struggled to contain myself, never changing my stance or the look on my face, I thanked him, telling him I was real sorry to hear they had lost guys. He thanked me then walked off. I walked around aimlessly for a couple of hours before heading over to the Chaplain's tent. I walked in and found a few other guys in the tent praying and another lighting a candle. The Chaplain was talking to one of the guys so I sat down and waited, I didn't realize I was praying for the first time in years. As soon as the guy walked out I walked over to the chaplain and asked about Walker, it took him a few minutes, then he asked if we were friends, I told him we were and that we had played basketball together for the last dozen or so months. He nodded his head and smiled, telling me it was good that I had some happy memories over here. I nodded, he must of seen my impatience. He said that Walker was critically wounded when loaded on the chopper but that he had not received word from the company commander on the soldiers status. He said he would let me know as soon as he heard anything. He then asked me to pray with him for Walker and all the soldiers and their families involved in this war. It made me feel not so alone. When I got back to my rack I did about a hundred push ups then lay down and fell asleep. When I woke it was past mid night, the entire tent was filled with snoring. I got up and went outside, I sat with my back against a concrete road block and tears fell from my eyes, not even when my family told me to hit the road did I shed a tear and now I was for this guy that for all I knew was already dead. I beat myself up sufficiently then walked back to my rack, pulled my pillow in my arms and slept the night holding Walker and I knew that from now on I would always hold him at night in my arms.

Haven't felt too much like writing. I received news that Walker had survived transfer to the Hospital ship but that was all anyone knew. I was in such a funk that time passed and nothing really mattered anymore. I found myself pissed at myself for thinking about what could have been and now all I wanted was to get out of here, but for what I don't know. All I knew is that I had to get out of here, I needed to find my way again and I couldn't do that here. My last day in country wasn't exciting for me. All the guys were happy and bullshitting with each other waiting to board the plane. I pretended to be reading, I knew that I would need closure and wanted to see where they had buried Walker, that was as much of the future as I dared to plan for, after that we'd see. The flight was long and uneventful, it was close to 4 am in the morning when we touched down on base. I had a thirty day leave and wasn't going to waste any time. It was close to noon the next day when Gunny finally cut us loose. Since I didn't have family, I wasn't expected to stay around for the welcome ceremony. I went to the lot and got the base garage to jump start my jeep, I followed them over to the station filling up with gas and checking the tires before heading out. I found a cheap hotel at 200.00 a week. I began calling every number in the book asking about walker no one could tell me anything. I finally chanced on the Military Times they list everyone KIA. I didn't see Walker's name or picture. I had hope for something. I called the Department of Army and found out that he was in a rehabilitation center, they were nice enough to give me the name and number but it was already late, but I couldn't help but call. I was told that I could come by between the hours of 1-5 and 6-8. I said I'd be there tomorrow at 1pm. The rehabilitation center was almost four hundred miles away. I got in the jeep the minute I hung up and started driving, I was headed down the highway and the only thing I could picture was Walker, what if he didn't know me anymore, or maybe he'd been hurt so bad he was in a coma, I knew tomorrow would be hard on me one way or another.

I slept in my jeep in the Rehabilitation Center parking lot. At 12:30 I went in the rehab center and cleaned up in the bathroom, thank God I still couldn't grow a reasonable beard much less noticeable stubble. Right at 1300 hours I stood at the front desk and asked to see Walker. I told them I was a distant cousin. The nurse pointed down the hall to room 323, I walked slowly trying to calm myself, I took a left, standing at the door for a minute getting up my nerve. I walked in, sitting in bed in a pajama top was Walker, his hair was longer, he'd lost a lot of weight, but it was Walker, he was eating his lunch. When he looked up and saw me he dropped what he was holding, his entire body slumped in the bed. I couldn't move I stared at him and felt like I was going to pass out. He put his hand out for me. I walked over to him and he pulled me in his arms. I put my arms around him and said nothing. For the second time in my life I could feel tears in my eyes. He never said a word, I felt his tears falling on my neck. We held each other without talking for the longest time, I never wanted this moment to be over. The nurse coming in the room broke us a part, she removed his breakfast dishes and left. Walker tried to smile, I could see the emotions in his face as I'm sure he could see in mine. I sat down in the chair next to his bed and held onto his forearm, we just looked at each other. Walker asked me in almost a whisper if I had gotten his letters. I looked at him, "no, I never got them, all this time I thought you were dead, it's been killing me all these months." He looked at me like he did when we would have a talk about nothing, the sincerity in his eyes made me not want talk in case this was a dream and he wasn't here with me. After a while he told me about the letters he wrote, I told him about tracking him down and how scared I'd been. Neither of us realized the hours had passed and visiting time was over for the dinner break. The nurse came in and asked me to come back, I was standing up to leave when Walker told her I wasn't going anywhere, she looked at me then at him and said "well if you're sure I'm fine with it." I watched as she laid the bed down flat, then she folded the sheet back showing he had lost both of his legs. I looked at his face, his eyes were watching me as the nurse changed the dressings, then covered him back up. She did the same with his left hand. I hadn't noticed he was holding me and his hand was missing two of his fingers. His chest and back were badly scared, all I saw was the Walker I loved in Afghanistan. When the nurse finished cleaning Walker up, he looked over at me, "still interested?" I told him he better believe it. When they brought his dinner I told him I was going to get a hotel and come back in the morning. He pointed to the bedside table and asked me to pull out a set of keys. He told me to write down his address and take the keys. He said his parents had been staying at his house when he first returned from Afghanistan, he wanted me to stay there if I would. I looked at him, "are you sure, I've never had a guy ask me to move in before." He smiled, "I am if you will." I looked around before hugging him, he pulled me back and for the second time and kissed. Even though the facility was civilian we were still soldiers.

Walker wouldn't be up and around on new legs until the wounds healed, that was different for different people. The entire month we played cards, held each other when possible and during my last two days he was able to go outside, I pushed him in a wheel chair. We found a place where we could talk. I told Walker I still loved him, he nodded like he normally did, but when he looked up at me, he told me that he loved me too, and had wanted to tell me before we parted but wasn't sure how I would take it and then when I said it to him he was dumbfounded. We talked about me returning to work and him getting better. I said I'd drive down every weekend and stay at his place if that would be all right. He told me to keep all the keys, after all when he left from rehab it would be with me next him. He grew silent, I knew something was on his mind, I wasn't going to ask. My last day we sat in the sun, I put my hand on the wheel chair arm and he put his arm over my hand, that was our way of being together regardless of what might be lurking out there. We talked, neither of us wanting the day to be over. Walker looked at me and asked me if I was having or going to have sex with other guys. I looked at him, his face was beautiful and just thinking of holding his head against my chest was enough for me to have a wet dream while awake. I knew I'd never want to be with another guy other than Walker but at the same time I expected him to give me the same commitment and I wasn't going to ask him. "No, I already have someone and I don't cheat." He smiled at me. But I had more to say. "I love you Walker, I love you more than you'll ever know. You know I don't have any family except for you. I don't know how we'll make this work over the next 16 months, all I know is I'll make it work. Now I need to know how you feel?" Walker actually took my hand in his, the way his hair laid across his forehead and the pain I saw in his face told me what he was getting to say would be hard. "Chason, you know my past, and you know what I'm like now, being with me won't be easy, we'll have a hard road ahead. I love you so much, but, I'm so worried because of what happened with my wife. Promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind, tell me before you are with someone else, I want a fighting chance." The boy had a way of making it impossible for me to speak, I looked at him and nodded. We continued to talk until it was time for me to hit the road. I pushed him back to his room. He asked me to help him go to the bathroom. I pushed the wheelchair in and closed the door, he pulled me to him and kissed me. This was like the night in the trailer in Afghanistan. We would have stayed in there all night had the nurse asking if everything was all right interrupted us. I told her yeah, I was helping him. We kissed once more before I helped him back into bed, telling him to call me the minute he got lonely.

I'm tired, work is a bitch. The only good thing is I'll get to talk with Walker, we talk every day for hours, we never run out of things to talk about, we're going camping once Walker is out of rehab. I think about Walker all the time and find myself jerking off every time I'm alone.

Except for the weekends when I'm on duty, I spend with Walker. They fitted him for his new high tech artificial legs. The physical therapist said it takes several weeks to get comfortable with them, that's if there are no other issues. Walker has been working out from his and looked great.

Tomorrow is the first time in three weeks that I get to spend with Walker. What with duty and getting ready for deployment, all have placed a lot of work on the entire battalion. It's only been 7 months since we returned from Afghanistan and now we're headed back. It's too soon. Returning too soon makes guys hopeless and therefore careless, you can only risk your life so many times before you just give up or really consider giving up. I'm not sure how Walker is going to take this news, I'm worried it may depress him and he already has enough to work through without this additional bullshit. I guess the Marine's figured they were going to get my last nine months out of me where they wanted me, in nine months I'll have completed another four years, I'll be 25 years old. I've decided to leave the Marines and use my GI Bill to finish my education, I've worked on for the past four years. I'll have one year of class and clinicals before I can graduate as a Physical Therapist, no it isn't because of Walker, it was something I had seen on television when I was a kid that really stuck. The other great thing about becoming a Physical Therapist is that if I decide to go back into the military later on I can go in the Navy or Army and get a commission. I know this all sounds like it's my plan, I just really need a backup, if Walker changes his mind about me. I know I'll never tire of Walker but I can't say that for him. We've never had more than a couple of hours a lone. Going to sleep, long drive in the morning.

The weekend was great, too great and now I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave Walker. Now I understand what it is to love someone so much it hurts. When I arrived at Rehab, Walker was waiting outside for me, dressed with his new legs. He stood up and waived. I couldn't believe it, I felt like an emotional wreck. He walked toward the jeep, he carried a cane but never used it. He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. He smiled at me and got in the other side. He told me to take him home. He smiled,we have today and tomorrow before he has to be back. I drove and looked at him every chance I got, his hand rested on my leg. He kept looking at me, finally he smiled and told me I was so handsome and that he loved me totally. When we got to his house I loved the smile on his face, it had been months since he had been here. He said it felt good to be home. As soon as we walked in and closed the door, he dropped his cane and pulled me in his arms. Holding him was everything I'd been wanting, now I could touch him without looking around and kiss him, which I did over and over. We sat on the sofa looking at each other. I could see he was getting exhausted and asked if he was tired. He took my hand and we walked to the bedroom. I stood in awe as he began to unbutton his shirt. I walked up to him and took his shirt off, I pulled the t shirt over his head, my fingers moved down his chest and across his stomach, he shivered under my touch. I kissed his neck and his chest, his hand held the back of my neck and he moaned. He pulled me to his lips then he took my shirt off. I watched his face, he kissed my chest his fingers moving across my chest and over my shoulders and down my back, his breath warm. He reached for my belt, I held his hand looking at him, "are you sure?" He smiled, "I've never been more sure about anything." I told him to sit on the bed and he showed me how to help him take off his pants and his legs, he pushed himself back on the bed, other than not having two legs he was complete, completely beautiful. He watched me as I undressed, I teased him for a minute, he yelled at me if I didn't get in the bed now it would be my fault. I crawled in next to him. I lay on top of him kissing and moving down his body, every part of him excited me. He cried out as quickly as I took him in my mouth. I eagerly accepted everything he had to offer, nursing him until I had him excited once again. His fingers moved through my hair, his breathing slowing. I began to use my tongue on his erection, but, he pulled me up to him. I watched him as he moved down my body, I told him I was going to cum fast, he looked up at me and smiled. The minute I felt his mouth on my cock, I placed my fingers in his hair which quickly drove me over the edge, he moaned and milked every drop. His lips kissed all over me. As my erection harden once again he took me in his mouth, my hips moving as I held his head, and once again I came in seconds. He laid the side of his head against my flaccid erection his eyes looking up at me. "Chason, I love you so much and I know beyond a doubt I want to spend the future with you, I want you to make love to me." He turned over on his stomach. I was eager but I also didn't want to hurt him. I kissed over his shoulders moving down his back, his moans quickly making me hard as a rock. I parted his cheeks and used my tongue to drive him crazy, he was moaning louder. As my tongue circled his pink hole he cried out in excitement. I put my finger in my mouth and slowly entered him, he was very tight and I knew even my finger was making him uncomfortable, I told him to relax and to tell me if I was hurting him. He nodded. Once he was comfortable with my finger I asked him if he was ready. He said he had always been ready for me to love him. I reached in the bedside table and pulled out the lube making sure he would be ready to take me. As I positioned my erection over his pink hole I was hornier than I'd ever been. I looked down at his face sideways on the pillow, his blonde hair, falling across his face. I told him I wouldn't last long with him looking as he did at that moment. I slowly began to push the head of my cock against his hole. His breathing increased, I reminded him to tell me to stop if I hurt him. The head pushed through his ring of muscles, he cried out. I stopped moving, waiting. When I felt his hand on my leg it let me know to move forward, continuing slowly until I was buried deep inside of him. He was very tight, I would cum if I moved in him a few more times, the sensation more than I could take. I began moving in him, he was moaning. I reached forwarded putting my hand on his head grabbing his blonde hair and pushing his head in the pillow. My movements became harder and deeper. He cried out each time the head of my cock skimmed his prostate. I couldn't last any longer and cried out. At the same time Walker cried out, "I'm going to cum." I continued to drive in him until soft and slipped from him. laying beside him for a second, catching my breath. I went to the bathroom, got a wash cloth and towel to clean him up. He turned over putting his head on my arm. I buried my face in his hair, kissing him, and smelling his scent as I fell asleep. It was dark outside when I woke, Walker was still asleep, I turned on my side and pulled him in my arms, he woke and kissed my chest before moving down my body and making love to me once again. If I died at this moment I would have had everything one could want in life. I kissed him as he moved back up my body, the taste of his lips erotic. As I moved down his body he pulled me back up. "I need to pee." I reached over and turned the light on then looked at him, " you owe me." He smiled, "good." I brought the wheelchair over to the side of the bed, he was quick to settle in and wheel himself to the bathroom, I reminded him there were two of us now. He smiled, "okay." I got in the shower while he was doing his business, when he finished he came over and I helped set him on the shower chair. I told him this was sexy and now I could take advantage of him. He patted my butt go for it. While he sat there I washed his body, as I got down to his legs, I sat on the shower floor and gently washed him, I looked up at him to see tears in his eyes. "You're perfect in every way, thank you." I smiled, "only for you." I knew tomorrow I would have to tell him about my coming deployment. In the morning we dressed and went out to the driveway to play basketball, I didn't want to wear him out but I wanted him to know he could do anything. We played horse and the boy still had it, winning every game, finally I had to wrestle him to the ground to win. I noticed he was tired and sore. We went inside and cleaned up then headed out to eat. It was late when we got home, we both practically fell into bed. I held the boy in my arms all night long. When we woke in the morning I fixed breakfast in bed, every time I looked at Walker I wanted him constantly, and I made sure he knew it.

While we were eating I told him my unit was deploying. He looked pale, I could see him getting upset. He looked at me, "what am I going to do without you, I had hoped the next nine months would pass like we are now and then you'd come here and we could live together, I love you so fucking much I can't stand the thought of being without you." "Now it was my turn, how the fuck do you think I feel. You think I want to leave you, you think I want to take a chance that you'll be with someone else while I'm half a planet away fighting to come home to you?" Walker grabbed me by the arm. "There will never be anyone in my life but you, I don't even want to be with another guy, you're my whole fucking world." I had to get up and walk away. I went to the kitchen and stood there with the water running, I got my self under control then returned to the bedroom. Walker put his arms out. We talked for hours then made love. After dinner I had to go, Walker held me, we kissed and I headed home.

Another week is past. I have the next five days off. Walker wasn't home when I arrived. I walked around the house, I felt a pang of jealousy, after all he didn't need me, he had the world at his feet and he knew it. I heard his horn when he pulled up, I ran out, he had groceries in the trunk. Soon as he saw me he stopped put the bags down and hugged me, I'd never displayed affection in the open. He whispered, "it's all right, this is our home." We loaded the groceries into the house, as soon as he put the bag down, he pulled me in his arms and kissed me. "I've been going crazy without you, I miss you every day, I think about nothing but you." I held him so tight, "this is all driving me crazy, leaving you is going to kill me." His hand moved over the side of my face and he made me look at him, "nothing is going to take you away from me ever. Don't you ever say anything like that ever. Don't Chason, just don't." I never realized how great and how hard it was to love someone and how time would fly when all you wanted was to be with the person you loved. Walker drove me back to base, he wanted to see me off, he said he'd be here when I get back. I reminded him I was counting on him, he said I always could. Seeing him pull away broke my heart.

There is nothing to write, it's been a month, I have received two letters from Walker and sent him 10, the mail service is slow. Being in country is different now, I have something waiting, a life, and now a future, and that scares the shit out of me like you wouldn't believe. A week of patrols all uneventful. When I'm not working out I'm reading Walker's letters and talking to him on the phone and email. He's been awesome, he told me that he had recently retired with full disability. He said he was doing good and was considering going to school when I got back then we would both be students. His rehab was going well and he would soon be getting a newer set of high tech sport legs. We were going camping and hiking when I returned in addition to other things which he said we would have to discuss in private. Whenever things get really tough I find a spot to be alone and pull out Walker's picture, damn the boy makes me smile and so fucking happy it's scary. You know I'm prepared for the day when he tell's me he's met someone else, I'll survive, I'm not sure how crazy I'll be in the interim but I will survive. I will also kill any mother fucker that ever hurts him regardless if he is with me or anyone, if I find out their dead, for a long as he lives I'll protect him.

Another month has passed, shit is hitting the fan around here. We've lost 13 guys to IEDs and five Humvees. It's going crazy, I'm tired of watching Gunny come in the barracks and inventory personal effects. The barracks is emptying out and not the way any of us want. There have been so many fucking memorial services I want to kill every fucking foreigner I see over here. It isn't fair, these are my buddies, we're still just young guys who have seen too much war and too many are dying. Walker's letters are the only sane part of my day. He's great, I'm still worried about the Dear John letter coming. I wrote and told him about how I was feeling and he told me it was him that was waiting for the Dear John letter, and poured his heart out, he said he looked at Military Times and saw all the soldiers, sailors, airmen, dying every day and it was killing him. He told me about his new legs and that he'd gotten over being self conscious and started wearing shorts. It's really hard to be away from someone you love and I know how hard it is for the family left behind waiting for you to return alive or unfortunately dead. I wondered how Walker would hold up if I were to die over here, I was glad his family loved him no matter what, they treated me just like a member of the family and it made me proud to be accepted for who I am as a gay Marine.

All hell broke loose on our last patrol, I just got out of the field hospital three days ago, I got shot by small arms fire. The bullet went through my thigh missing the bone and any veins. I earned my first Purple Heart in three tours. I'm back to the grind, other than 12 stitches I wasn't off for long. I haven't said anything to Walker and don't intended to.

It's been a hell of a month, and I've got only 45 days left in country, I got my orders already and will be traveling home. I called Walker he's very excited, he keeps reminding me he'd be there to pick me up. I'm counting down the days.

I'm writing this from the field hospital. I got shot again, this time in the chest, they had to remove a part of my right lung, fortunately nothing else was damaged except for my shoulder. The exit wound was the size of a large orange. I'm being sent home, Walker doesn't know a thing, I'm not taking any chances of him going nuts. He's doing so well and I'll be fine.

Stateside finally, in the Military Hospital on base. I'm feeling a hell of a lot better. I would have already been let out but I had an infection and fever so I' ve been holed up here for three weeks. I got a second Purple Heart and I'm also going to be retired with a disability, it's the whole lung thing. I'm just anxious to get out of here. If Walker doesn't hear from me soon he'll know somethings up.

Walker's on his way to pick me up. He thinks we just got back in country, all the rest we can talk about at home.

I have to tell you I was surprised as hell to see Walker show up in the jeep, I smiled so big I really thought my face might split. He jumped out in shorts, his new legs were awesome, they looked like they were made of high tech metal. He looked beautiful, the smile across his face made me want to fall down, he saw me and pointed to the jeep. We were off base in ten minutes. He looked over at me in my uniform and said, "Marine you better be careful you just might get attacked." I was kind of surprised when we pulled up at a hotel, he said he knew I had to be tired and he was too, we would drive home in the morning. I was scared, he didn't know anything than had happened and he'd flip out when he found out, I wanted to be at home when I showed him. We got settled in our room Walker looked at me a couple of times. "You okay?" I nodded, that was when he grabbed my hand and had me sit down. "Talk to me." I could see the real concern in his eyes. Instead of saying anything I began to remove my uniform when I took off my pants he saw my legs and I heard his breath catch, then I removed my shirt and he put his face in his hands and cried. I went to him and pulled him in my arms, kissing his neck and telling him I'm all right. He wouldn't let me go, he held me so tight that once again I felt safe.

We've been together three years and are just as in much love as when we met. We camp all the time, fish at least weekly and never have a day where we don't hold each other and remind the other how much they are loved.