opening-of-a-closet-heart-3
Opening of a Closet Heart
Chapter / Part 3
By Robert (bthsburgess@hotmail.com)
This is my first story. I hope everyone enjoys it and I hope that you give lots of comments / feedback (esspecially any grammar / spelling errors you find that I didnt... sorry in advance for those). If it's illegal for you to read this material, then dont read it. Otherwise, please enjoy.
Latest Chapter / Part 2:
“That’s ok, I knew it already.” He looked down at me and smiled as he pulled me up and gave me a big kiss on the top of the head.
The rest of the day at school was a total drag. I was just trying to make it through the day without thinking about Ben too much, but unfortunately I found myself getting a boner in the middle of class more than once. I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him as much I loved it when he got me off. I loved it when I got him off too... and what makes it worse is that it was right in the same building!
I almost skipped down the hall when class was let out. I flew as fast as I could out to the back door and toward the buses. I saw Ben’s back as he jumped on and headed to the back of the bus. I ran up and waited for five or six people to get on then hurried back to his seat. I almost jumped in his lap and threw my backpack to the ground.
“Hi!” I said softly but excitedly at him.
“Hey…” he said casually looking back at me with puppy eyes.
“Can I come over?”
“Sure, but I need to warn you, if you step foot inside my house you have to loose the pants.”
“Um… sure thing!” I said with a huge grin.
I moved closer to him in the seat, there were a lot of people in the back but I didn’t care. I pushed my leg against his and felt my pants growing. I looked over at him and smiled, I noticed he was blushing really bad. I pulled at his backpack, which was in his lap, and looked down noticing why he was blushing. I slid his backpack back into his lap and leaned back against the chair.
We started driving away from school and we didn’t really say anything on the bus, just exchanged looks and smiles. Before we knew it, it was time to get off the bus… and you can believe how quick we did. The bus driver was wondering why I got off at his stop, but didn’t say anything because we were in high school and knew we could take care of ourselves.
As soon as we passed by the row of trees at the front of his neighborhood his hands went on my sides and my hand slid down his pants onto his ass. I squeezed him as we walked up toward his house and he unlocked the door. I kept my hands down his pants the entire time. As soon as the door opened and we walked in, I got on my knees and shucked off his pants.
“Hey there!” I gave an evil grin right at his crotch then up at him.
“Do it.” He moaned as he rubbed the hair on the back of my head.
I grabbed the top of my pants and started taking them off as I leaned forward and licked his thighs. As soon as my belt was off and the top of my pants were unbuttoned, I pushed his legs apart with my hands and gently went after his balls. I sucked on each one for a moment, before licking from the bottom to the top of his cock, and taking almost the entire length into my mouth. It wasn’t long before I was bobbing up and down with the force of his hands.
I felt his cock start to slide down my throat again, but this time I tried to get used to it. I pushed myself down on him, while tried bringing my tongue up, into my mouth a little farther to help with the gag reflex. I kept sliding down onto him, rubbing the outside of his legs with both hands until I felt him explode in my mouth and down my throat. I pulled off in shock and could barely shut my eyes in time before he exploded on my face too.
“Fuck!” I said in a deep voice in slut as I licked and stroked his cock with my right hand. I ran my left hand onto his balls and squeezed before running my tongue across his slit again, licking up the last drop of his cum as it slowly slid out.
I looked up at him with wanting eyes and stood up. My pants were already at my knees, so they quickly fell to my ankles where I kicked them off. Ben grabbed my waist and pulled me toward him where I gave him a big kiss and pushed my cock up against him. He grabbed my cock and rubbed it with his hand.
“Ryan…” he said looking straight into my eyes, “I know we just met but… do you wanna fuck?”
I looked at him for a moment and my eyes just lit up. “Anything you want!” I almost yelped.
“Fuck me then…” he said pushing me back into the living room and onto the sofa. I fell onto my back and I quickly pulled my shirt off as he jumped on top of me and almost ripped his off. “Fuck me…” he gave me a kiss, “right here”, another kiss. He leaned down and kiss me hard as I rolled over and laid him on his back.
“Ok Ben, anything you want.” I grinned as I grabbed his legs up in my arms and looked down at him. I had never noticed how clean and smooth his body was until his legs were in my arms. He looked so innocent and so cute just laying there on his back. I felt so warm as I pulled my cock toward his hole.
Ben stretched out his hand in front of me. “Spit.” I looked down at his hand and spit right onto it, which he then took and reached between his legs and rubbed on my cock. “Holy shit, you have a ton of pre-cum!”
I laughed and looked down into his eyes. “You have a lot of CUM!” I giggled as I felt him pull my cock forward. I pushed myself up against him and pressed right onto his hole.
I pushed inside him until I was all the way in, not realizing that it hurt him or that his eyes were telling me to stop. “Fuck!” he was groaning as he looked down and his stomach jump back and forth. “Oh god!”
“What?” I asked him clueless.
“You put it in too fast!” I panicked and looked down, then slowly backed up, but he grabbed my sides and stopped me.
“Don’t pull out, its ok… just gimme a second.”
I looked into Ben’s eyes and I saw the cutest person ever on the face of the planet. His hair was all ruffled and he was sweating all over his body. I pulled my sides back and slapped into him again. That caused him to scream bloody murder.
“Oh fuck!” he cried out as he grabbed his ass with both hands and squeezed hard. I could tell that hurt him.
“I think I should stop…” I didn’t want to hurt him.
“Don’t, keep going…” he looked down between his legs and was breathing hard as I pulled out and slapped into him once again. “Oh… fuck” he moaned as I grabbed his legs and squeezed them hard just as he had his ass.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, just go slow.”
It was the only cue I needed. I pulled out of him about an inch or two and pushed back in. He looked at me, then my stomach, then his own cock, before rolling his head back and shutting his eyes as I pushed into him. I watched his body squirm back and forth across the sofa as I pushed slightly harder and slightly faster with every few strokes. He picked his head back up and looked into my eyes as I started really picking up the pace and pushing into him rapidly.
I watched his eyes and his body fly up and down with every stroke, and I felt my cock being squeezed and sucked in with every stroke. I noticed him reach up from his ass and grab his legs and pull them back more. I quickly took the idea and pushed against his legs, putting them almost near his chest. I leaned in close and slammed my entire cock in and out a few times. I saw his eyes get big enough to explode, but he relaxed.
Ben’s cock was getting hard again, even as I was fucking him. I leaned up against his legs with my chest and reached down and tugged at his cock once as I fucked him. I also grabbed a small kiss from him before getting back up on my knees and continuing to assault his tight hole.
“Fuck Ryan, that’s so good…”
“Ben…”
“Keep going just like that…”
“I don’t think I can, I think I’m about to cum…”
I looked down and watched Ben’s heavy breathing, his stomach jumping back and forth, and his little hole absorbing my cock. This sent me over edge as I saw myself sliding inside him. I leaned down and kissed him as I felt my cock get harder and harder.
“Ben… I’m… cumming…” I moaned as I pushed all my weight against him and gave one sharp and hard thrust into him.
“FUCK!” Ben screamed as his entire body went into a spasm and his cock started shooting cum onto his chest. “God damnit, fuck!” he screamed again as I felt the cum shoot inside of him, exiting my cock. I felt his ass squeezing and clamping on my cock, hard. “Fuck Ryan… I… I love you…” he looked at me and tried to lick my neck.
I felt his legs fall as he wrapped them around me, allowing me to slide father inside him but also closer toward his chest. He grabbed me in his arms and pulled me against him, before he reached down to my butt and pulled at me, pushing my cock a quarter inch or so farther inside of him.
“Fuck Ryan… I love you…” he repeated.
The words rang in my head. ‘I love you.’ But he couldn’t love me. I didn’t love him. I was only getting off… it wasn’t love, it was just lust. I looked down at him and looked at me with a confused look on his face.
“Why are you so quiet?” he said rubbing my back with his hands.
I pulled my cock out of him to the sound of a few slurps and pushed his legs down, before crawling next to him on the sofa and looking into his eyes. I could see he was serious. He quickly grabbed my hand with his and looked into my eyes.
“Don’t you love me?” he looked at me as if he was about to cry.
My heart sunk in an instant. I knew I loved him, but I couldn’t love him, I wasn’t gay, I was getting off. My mind battled with my heart. My mind telling me by logic I was gay for having sex with a man, my heart telling me I could only love women because that’s what the bible, god, teachers, preachers, parents, everyone says.
I looked at him and shook my head. I didn’t know what to say.
He looked at me and a tear rolled down his cheek.
I quickly got up and pulled on my pants and shirt. I looked at him lying on the sofa totally naked, sweating, cum on his chest, the sofa, running out of his ass and down onto the sofa.
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything.
I walked toward the door and looked over at him. “I’m sorry.”
Ben said nothing as I walked out, grabbed my backpack, and headed home.
That was the last I ever saw of Ben. He was found in his pool, dead. He drowned himself. He drowned himself because of me. He died because I didn’t know what I wanted and what I needed. He died because my heart was so shut off to the world. He died… because he loved me, and he needed me to know that I loved him.
Nothing hurt worse than that day, nothing has hurt that bad since. I loved him, and my selfishness allowed him to slip and fall through the cracks… you see it wasn’t just me that did this. Ben needed comfort too… his parents had him on anti-depressants because they didn’t want to deal with him. These gave him suicidal thoughts. I kept those out of his head.
My heart was in the closet about my sexuality. I was thinking about my penis. I was thinking that it could get me off. I never realized that I could love a guy. I never realized that I loved a guy. I never realized that I would never get over him. I never realized that the single person that ever helped me, was in need of help, and when he needed it just as I did, I failed him.
It took me a long time for my heart to open up to guys. It took me a long time to love again. It was Ben who was the catalyst that set my heart on fire and allowed me to be who I wanted and what I wanted. It was Ben…
In memory of Ben Dark ~ March 1986 – July 2003
I never should have hurt you or lied to you. What I felt was true.
-Ryan Belark
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