OPEN ARMS Chapter 7 by Carter (nicksxtacy@hotmail.com)
DISCLAIMER: If you're not supposed 2 be here, and you know who you are. Please leave, the author nor nifty.org will be held responsible for any results of minors reading this story...so please go away.... This story is FICTION and does not in anyway represent the true sexuality of any characters mentioned within...but of course, I wouldn't complain if it did...
Author's note: Hey all. It has been a long time, hasn't it. Well, I'm finished all my exams and now I can give OPEN ARMS the attention it deserves. I'm warning you though, this chapter isn't that great, I needed to further the story along so that I can get where I'm headed so this segement is more for plot purposes rather than sentimental value...but I hope you all aren't too disapointed and turned off of the story forever...believe me, the best is yet to come....
AND don't forget check out "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU" by Lucas Thompson, it's the best story, and he truly appreciates what an angel Nicky really is...the long anticipated chapter 13 is coming.....
And just a mention to a certain Scot out there who has been helping me quite alot , I know I haven't written in foever, I'm sorrry.
And to my ONE TRUE ANGEL, I love you, and cherish you. You're everything to me.
so with no further ado: OPEN ARMS, CHAPTER 7
Nick felt dizzy as the room seemed to spin around him. All of a sudden he broke into a mild sweat as he looked dazedly around the room. Chris, sensing Nick's impending collapse, shot up from his seat to lower Nicky carefully into a chair and then proceeded to kneel before the blond beauty.
"I'm so sorry, Chris, I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I'm just a little under the weather...Just give me a moment, it'll pass." Nick tried to steady his quivering voice, but his mind was no match for the overwhelming shock that had hit him. As Chris looked away from the pained blue eyes, he saw the rose laying on the floor. Although the lone white rose lay, abandoned on the black tile, it radiated a beauty that captivated Chris' attention. He reached out a cautious hand and carefully lifted the rose as if it was going to suddenly attack him. He lay the rose on Nick's lap. Somehow he knew it hadn't been meant for him.
The touch of Chris' hand brushing against his leg, forced Nick to open his eyes and look deep into the blue -gray eyes of the man before him. He had been so sure that tonight would be the night that Brian would be staring back at him, and he was more disappointed than he had ever been in his life. But at the same time, something struck a chord within him and forced him to reprimand himself. Nick, you are such a bastard,' he thought to himself, here is a gorgeous man who obviously wanted this night to be special, and now here you are still caught up on Brian.' As much as he felt devastated at the disappointment of not having his dream lover before him, Nick was finally able to think clearly, and a thousand questions rushed to his mind.
"Chris, I'm really sorry. It's just that, I didn't know I was meeting you. Brian didn't tell me what was going on, he just kind of brought me here and this is one huge surprise..." Nick tried to explain himself.
"Oh, Nick. I didn't expect it to be this way. I thought Brian was going to ask you first, before setting us up. You see, a couple months ago when I came to your concert and met you guys backstage, I really wanted to talk to you privately, since you were the only reason I went to the concert. You were really busy though, with the fans and the media, and I didn't want to disturb you so I had a quick conversation with Brian. I told him that I would really like to get to know you better, and that if he could set up a dinner or something, I'd really appreciate it. I gave him my number, but I never really expected it to go any further since Brian had seemed kind of disturbed by my request. But then just yesterday,out of nowhere, Brian called me and said that he had arranged for you and I to have dinner tonight, so I flew in on the next plane." Chris finished racing through his story and gasped for breath. Nick had such a powerful effect on him and he couldn't release those blue eyes from his gaze. He forced himself to look away from the confusion in Nick's glance, and smiled to himself as he thought of how cute Nick was when he was confused. The way his perfect eyebrows scrunched up as he was in deep thought.
"Nick, you seem stressed..."
"Chris, it's just that...well....Brian doesn't know that I'm gay. No one knows that I'm gay. That was....that was actually the first time I've ever said it out loud: I'm gay." Nick fell silent as it hit him. He had been sure that when he finally opened his heart to someone and revealed his deepest, darkest secret that it would have been Brian. Now here he was with another man, admitting his sexuality for the first time. Surprisingly, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief, like an enormous weight had just been lifted from his shoulders and suddenly he felt an urge to go on, " I actually thought tonight Brian was bringing me here for dinner and I was going to tell him everything, but I guess he knows......or he wouldn't have done this...but I don't understand how he knows and why he didn't say anything."
"Nick, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but EVERYONE knows that you're gay.... Well, ok, not everyone, but to the trained eye, it's so obvious. Your genuine compassion and care towards others, your impeccable sense of style, the way you look at Brian, even in interviews, just the way you talk and the way you deal with certain questions, they're all very indicative of someone who's dealing with something that they can't just come out and express to the world. When I watch you preform, or listen to your interviews, i see and hear a pain that is all too familiar to me. .... I can't claim to know what Brian does or doesn't know, but based on what you've said, I'm assuming that when i first approached him, he was kind of thrown at the idea of his best friend being gay; but since he set us up tonight, I think it would be safe to say that Brian knows that you're gay."
Chris stared at the man sitting across from him as he tried to read the expression on his face, with no success. It was obvious that this was all a lot for Nick to deal with right now and he was sorry that Nick had to face his `coming out' with a practical stranger. He put aside his own breaking heart, and thought of Nick's feelings. Sure, he had been captivated by the blond since that night at the concert, but he couldn't force him to enjoy the date. If Nick's heart and soul were in another place, he figured it would be better to end the date before someone got hurt.
"Nick, I'm sorry that this all happened this way. I really thought that Brian had talked to you about this, and i had no idea that you were still closeted. I realize that you probably have a million things on your mind right now, so maybe we should just skip dinner and I should just drive you home, and then I'll go back to my hotel." Chris did his best to say and do `the right thing' as he kept thinking what a painful situation both him and Brian had put Nick in tonight, and he prayed that this wouldn't ruin his chances of developing at least a friendship with Nick. Something deep within told him that Nick Carter was more than just a gorgeous man who could sing like an angel and he didn't want to lose the chance of having Nick in his life.
Nick snapped out of his daze, and looked at Chris. He wasn't really up for a romantic dinner at the moment, he was way too confused. How would he face Brian? What would he say, now that Brian knew that he was gay?
Nick once again forced himself to focus on the movie star before him and he felt the guilt return. He had ruined Chris' night without meaning to. Well, it wasn't too late, he could still try to make the best of it.
"Thanks for understanding man. I don't think I could sit through a dinner like this right now, my nerves are kind of shot. But that doesn't mean you have to go back to your hotel. If you want to come to my house we can order some pizza and just chill....just talk maybe..." Nick hoped that Chris would accept his offer. The more and more he thought about it, it would do him some good to be able to talk to someone other than one of the `boys'.
Chris' face brightened at the idea of spending some `quality time' with Nick, he was relieved that he wouldn't have to go back and spend the night sitting in his lonely hotel room.
"I think I'd like that Nick."
Brian's hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Brian was driving with the music cranked up, something he did only when he had a lot on his mind. The music helped him think and helped relax him at the same time. He had planned to go home after dropping Nick off but now the overwhelming guilt he felt at having set Nick up kept him from going home. He knew that being alone in his house would drive him insane as he thought over and over about whether or not he had made a huge mistake. What if his suspicions had been wrong? What if Nick wasn't gay? No, if Nick wasn't gay then he would have ended the date with Chris and would have probably called to scream at Brian by now....unless....unless it just got him upset and he went home too depressed to call. But the signs had been there, the depression, the withdrawal...and then of course, there had been the dream. How could he forget. The image of Nick tossing in bed, sweating and crying...screaming for him. And then there was Nick begging him not leave him. Nick thought that being gay would push Brian away. Brian assured himself that was what the dream had been about, it even kind of explained why Nick wouldn't open up to him even when it was so obvious that he needed to talk to someone. His conscience stepped in again, and reminded Brian, `what if you were wrong???' what if you misread the signs? You just left your best friend with a guy that is in love with him in a romantic restaurant, and you're not even sure if Nick's gay.'
"God, what have I done?" Brian said out loud to no one in particular as he realized that not only could he have hurt Nick but also Chris. If Nick wasn't gay, Chris would be crushed. He had been so sure, and had obviously fallen head over feet in love with Nick. When Brian had been approached for the first time by Chris, it had confused him that here was this guy asking to be set up with Nick, without knowing if Nick was gay or not. But then when Brian had called him a few nights earlier to set up the date, Chris had explained all the reasons he was sure Nick was gay. Brian had been confused by it all, but Chris had reassured Brian that his `gaydar' hardly ever failed him... What Chris hadn't told Brian was that Nick wasn't the only Backstreet Boy who set his gaydar off.
"Hello?" Nick spoke into his cell phone, trying to sound as stern as possible, having already read Brian's name on his caller-ID.
"Hi, Nicky, it's Bri." Brian hesitantly tried to judge Nick's mood. He had decided to call Nick's cell phone when his dueling mind just wouldn't let him think of anything else. Nick almost laughed at the childlike hesitation in Brian's voice and decided to let him off the hook. He couldn't stand to hear such tension from Brian.
"Don't worry Brian, I'm not going to scream at you." Nick's voice was softer this time
"Oh, Nicky, I'm so sorry. I know now what a mistake I made, i should have never..." Brian let loose and actually shed a few tears as he let the guilt overtake him.
"No, Bri. Don't be sorry. I mean, yeah, I am kind of pissed that you'd do something like this without first asking me, but we'll talk about it later...I guess you did it because you couldn't just come out and ask me... just don't stress about it, we'll talk later, k?" Nick clicked his phone shut before he burst into laughter.
Brian was relieved that Nick wasn't mad at him, but he was still as confused as ever. Nick hadn't let him know whether or not he was still with Chris or not...and more importantly he hadn't confirmed or denied Brian's suspicions. As frustrated as he was, Brian smiled. `That's my Frack, getting his revenge. He wants to keep me guessing.'
Satisfied that things were alright with Nick for the time being, Brian prepared himself for the next task on the list of things that he was dreading, but he knew that it needed to be done.
Chris' little red sports car that he had rented just the day before, sped through the warm Orlando evening as he felt a new sense of comfort with Nick. At least Nick wasn't upset with him for his part in the whole ordeal, and now they were on their way back to Nick's house.
"Don't you think that was just a little mean, Nick? You did that on purpose didn't you? Just to keep him guessing?" Chris questioned.
"Of course I did! It's okay, just let him get all his questions ready, and I'll get together with him tomorrow and answer them all. Don't you worry about it. Tonight's gonna be our night." Nick said as he shot Chris one of his killer smiles. He tried to sound confident about his game plan, but deep down, he dreaded meeting Brian again, and wasn't ready to face the rest of the guys either.
Chris couldn't help but shudder at the smile he got from Nick. The boy sure did know how to get a `rise' out of him. Although his romantic date hadn't worked out, Chris was still overjoyed at the way things were going. Nick was turning out to be a genuine sweetheart, all Chris had expected and more.
Before long, they were pulling into Nick's driveway and Nick was letting Chris into the house. Nick excused himself to use the bathroom and when he returned he saw Chris standing looking out over the long stretch of beach that Nick owned. Nick called to have the pizzas delivered and then poured a glass of wine for Chris and one for himself.
"I'll give you a penny for your thoughts..." Nick brought Chris out of his trance.
"I can't believe you own all of this. It's beautiful. The water is hypnotic. It's so clear, and the sand is so white. You must love living here." Chris accepted the glass of wine that Nick was offering him and then brought his glass into contact with Nick's.
"Cheers. Yeah, I love the beach. It's like heaven to me...but living here isn't as great as you might think. Maybe if I had someone to share it with, but I'm so alone here." Nick opened the sliding glass door and led Chris outside.
"But, Nickolas, look at you. You're gorgeous, talented and sweet. What is someone like you doing alone?"
Nick considered the question carefully, wondering which angle to tackle it from. There were so many reasons that he was alone. Sure, he could land a little teeny bopper whenever he wanted, but that wasn't what he was looking for. He knew what he wanted. He just couldn't get to him. `I can't tell him how I feel about Brian though. If he wanted to date me, it wouldn't be right for me to tell him I'm in love.' Nick thought to himself. He settled for telling Chris as much as he could, without giving away his feelings for his best friend.
"Chris, come on. Being gay, you must know what it's like. We can't exactly date around....it would ruin our careers. And plus, I haven't exactly been open about my sexuality in the past..... I'm so afraid. I don't think the other guys would be able to deal with it. I'm really really scared to tell them, but now I guess I have to because Brian knows. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was going to figure out exactly how to approach the subject and how to deal with it, and now I'm not sure if I'm ready but I have to face it. What do i say to Brian? He's gonna hate me forever...I'm gonna lose him, and I need him so badly...."
Chris was standing behind Nick watching the beautiful man who was facing out towards the sea. He could hear the pain in Nick's voice and suddenly saw Nick's shoulders shaking slightly. He placed his glass on the table on Nick's deck and then turned Nick around hugging him close to him.
For the first time since Nick had met Chris, he let himself go and cried openly, burying his face in Chris' shoulder. Chris just held him, knowing it was what Nick needed. Coming out was a major event in one's life, let alone having to do it with a stranger and as much as Chris wanted to be Nick's pillar of support, he knew that he wasn't the one Nick needed right now. He led Nick to the bench that faced the water and eased the blond into the seat. Nick curled into a ball, pulling his knees into his chest and buried his face in a cushion .
From a distance, Chris could hear the doorbell ring, and realised that it must be the pizza delivery man. He looked down at Nick and kneeled beside him,
"Nick, i'm going to go get the pizza, and then i'll be right back. Ok?" Nick didn't answer verbally, but he acknowledged Chris with the nod of his head.
Chris made his way to the front door and paid for the pizza. He stood inside the sliding glass door watching to make sure Nick was still curled on the bench as he picked up Nick's cell phone and hit redial.
"Hey Nicky.." Brian answered after reading the caller id.
"Actually, Brian, it's Chris here."
"Chris? Oh, hi. So I guess that means you're still with Nick. I take it the date's going well..." Brian asked hopefully.
"Well, not exactly. He's actually crying his eyes out on the deck right now."
"What the hell did you do to him Chris?" Brian suddenly became agitated. What if Chris did something Nick didn't like or wasn't ready for. He cursed himself for leaving his bestfriend with a complete stranger.
"Relax Brian. I didn't rape him or anythig, in fact I didn't do anything to him. Don't you realise how hard it is for him to deal with this? You're his best friend and he hasn't even come out to you, and now you tell him that you know he's gay by setting him up with me, and you expect everything to be alright? Tell me you're not that naive. He needs someone right now Brian. I tried, but I've just met him, he needs someone that he's comfortable with,and for some reason I think that's you."
Brian sighed and made a u-turn, he had paid Leighann a visit and had been heading home for what he thought was a well deserved rest, but if Nick needed him, he was going to be there.
"Don't worry Chris. Can you just watch him for five minutes, i'll be there as soon as I can." Brian softened, ashamed at having lost his temper with Chris.
"Of course Brian. There's no way I was going to leave him home alone like this. Please hurry though, I can `t bare to see him like this."
"I'm coming." Brian clicked off the phone and pressed harder on the gas pedal. His best friend was falling, and no one but Brian could catch his fall.
The words came to Brian and he said them out loud,
"I'll be the one,
to hold you, and make sure that you'll be alright."
TO BE CONTINUED (SOON, I HOPE)
I hope to hear from y'all to know what you thought...and where you'd like to see it go from here.
Alwayz & 4ever, Carter (nicksxtacy@hotmail.com)