HOLA PEEPS!! Hope you enjoy this one, was a lot of fun writing it. If y'all wanna get in touch as always my email address is liciousryan@gmail.com
Take care, everyone. Ryan
ONLY THE BEGINNING
Thirty.
My god.
When the fuck did this happen?
As I watched my family and close friends sing happy birthday to me and having a ball of a time I was silently crying inside. This was a birthday as well as a milestone that I think every single person on this entire planet knew that was coming but sure as hell hoped to god that it actually didn't...thirty...it was something I knew I wasn't gonna accept easily but I never thought it was gonna hit me this fucking hard.
My wife, Layla, pushed my birthday cake in front of me, lovingly and colorfully decorated in the shape and form of my favorite soccer team's logo, the mighty Manchester United of course, complete with thirty small birthday candles with their tiny little flames dancing their duets right in front of my very eyes.
I kept my composure and my smile going for all to see as I very, fake enthusiastically, blew out those little fuckers as best I could to a roaring applause from everyone that was attending. My five year old son Ben gave me a solemn hug for all my troubles which was returned lovingly. All in all I had the perfect family.
The house, the beautiful wife, the five year old son, and at the moment we were swiftly trying for another little sibling for our precious little tiger...and believe you me, we were enjoying the heck outta that!
I was even up for a promotion at my job as well, which would make me regional manager at our sales branch so I have been under quite a lot of strain recently. I would be working at all hours of the day to prove myself, and when I would come home I would literally only have the energy left to kiss Layla and Ben goodnight before taking a shower and falling asleep.
What upset me even more was how flabby I was getting. God knows I literally did not even have the time to breathe in a day with all the extra work I had been doing in order to get that said promotion so I have been living of sheer takeaways for the past two months. It was better than nothing.
Quite simply the nearest place was our local MacDonald's...and holy fuck, they must be getting sick of seeing the sight of me by now. I always prided myself on living healthy and following a balanced lifestyle but not so easy these days...urgh and I HATED knowing my clothes were getting way too tight for me.
Soon...I just needed to clinch this promotion and then everything will get back to normal. Or so I hoped.
**
Later that afternoon after all the guests had gone and the last of the leftover foods had been safely stored away in the fridge, I had grabbed my laptop and got into getting some much needed work done.
My wife, Layla, frowned and simply shook her head as she saw I was back on the job and I shrugged my shoulders. The promotion, should I get it, would more than double my salary...I needed this. We really needed this.
About twenty minutes later, Ben waddled in with a plastic glass of some grape juice that had been leftover at the party. He walked over to me and I only saw him when he was actually standing next to me.
"What up, buddy?" I asked, not really interested...shame to admit and say but I was totally engrossed in what was happening on my laptop screen. The quicker I could get all this done, the quicker I could actually spend some time with Ben before he had to go to sleep, which was about seven in the evening.
"Benno, stop bothering Daddy and come and watch Paw Patrol, I have it on my tablet!" Layla called out to him and for a second I thought he was gonna do a 100m sprint for it, since it was his favorite show...but for some inexplicable reason, he kept at my side.
"I want you to watch Paw Patrol with me!" He demanded, his eyes as wide as stars as he tried his best to understand all the number crunching going on, on my laptop.
"Ben, not now, okay? Give Daddy a few more minutes and then I'll come and join you and Mommy, okay?"
"NO! I DON'T WANT MOMMY! I WANT DADDY!" the little five year old monster carried on, in what was surely gonna end up being another of his temper tantrums he was known for throwing every time he didn't get his way.
"BEN! Please! I said not now!" I hissed against my will and I really didn't wanna scream in front of my son but damn, I needed to get this report done! I have already lost several hours whilst my birthday party was going on and if I didn't get it finished by seven, then Ben would be asleep and I wouldn't have played with him or just BE HIS DAD for a change...
Why was I suddenly feeling so warm and flushed in my face and chest...?
"Layla...please...I need to finish this, can you come and deal with this?" I yelled in the direction of the bedroom as a email popped up on my screen. The subject line was..."Promotion"
Jesus.
"YOU'RE NEVER HERE! YOU'RE ALWAYS WORKING!" a distraught Ben kept on shouting before he hastily placed the grape juice down next to my laptop and started hugging my legs...he clearly wanted his father to spend time with him but at that moment I was so flustered with the said email and suddenly the words started swimming in front of my eyes that I didn't care about anything other than the hard work that might just have paid off now...
"BEN! PLEASE!" I shouted and violently removed my son from my legs...that in itself was a HUGE mistake as he started to BAWL his eyes out and made sure the entire fucking neighborhood knew about it. Now...if he meant it...or if it was a bonafide accident...I'll never know. I can only think that he wanted to get away from me in anger, but he also wanted his grape juice at the same time.
He reached for it...and in doing so...
...he knocked the near full plastic glass over and the dark red sugary liquid spilled ALL OVER MY LAPTOP...
"NO!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" I shouted in sheer agony and grabbed the laptop away from the spill as soon as I could but it was too late. Majority, if not all of the juice had spread over the keyboard and some have even spread beneath the keys of it. The screen immediately smudged and suddenly went a ghastly dark.
It then dawned on me and in my haste to finish...nothing I had been working on for over an hour had been saved...
A pain as sharp as a knife blade slashed through my chest. For some reason my left arm suddenly felt hard and lumpy...useless as a matter of fact. That same sharp pain gritted its teeth as I grabbed said left arm and sunk to my knees. I had no idea what was happening...I had been feeling weak all day but I thought that it was because of the stress that I was turning thirty...the last thing I saw was Ben running towards the bedroom, shouting hysterically for his mother...as darkness embedded me.
**
A month had passed. And fortunately...I was still in the land of the living. I was currently seated in the local doctors consolation rooms to finally get the all clear to fully resume my life. Which I hoped to God could hurry up and get here. I had already lost too much because of this fucking heart attack that I had suffered on my birthday.
The stress of the job...all that unhealthy eating habits I had gotten because I buried myself in my work...drinking three cans of Coke a day, instead of my eight glasses of water as I should have, the uneasiness I had felt for so long...all that and crowned on top by little Ben ruining my laptop that evening...even the doctor was surprised that I had managed to dodge said heart attack as long as I did.
The medical professional was quite frank with me and Layla. He put me on a strict low carb, low fat, low happiness diet...I know right...and he even advised me to join a gym if I could. I needed to lose the weight I had managed to stack on, if I didn't want any of this to ever happen again.
I sighed.
I lost the promotion. And it hurt. Deeper and much more than I ever thought I would. But not only that, my boss demoted me at work...something about how I needed to take it easy and therefore I was gonna be on fewer responsibilities for the foreseeable future. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw and hit things. With everything I had inside me...but knowing that I was recovering from a heart attack...and I needed to tone things down...that was literally all that was stopping me.
**
"For Gods sake, Layla...It's not like I'm THAT overweight!" I hissed at my wife as she piled on more of the speed settings on the treadmill that I had been using.
My darling wife pulled a face and finally stopped when she got to speed 12 on the machine settings.
"Look, babe...I don't wanna lose you. Ben certainly doesn't wanna grow up without his daddy. I know you're not fat, per say, but you need to lose a few pounds, doctors orders. So start jogging!"
When Layla flashes those beautiful blue eyes of hers, and they turn from royal blue to crimson red, then you don't argue with her. I have learned that and then some over the years.
I quite enjoyed my work out, which included of course the treadmill, some circuit training and even some pulls on that rowing machine they had going on in there. Everything designed to get one's heart pumping and get the blood to flow more freely. I also nearly drank four solid liters of water because at the end of my work out I was dead on my feet. I really didn't realize until then, how unfit I really was.
Gotta say though, the second and third sessions things went a little easier as I got more work done and therefore put more effort in. I was still sweating like a motherfucker who had a cock in his ass for the very first time, but I reminded myself that it was all worth it.
Disaster struck as on the fourth day, in that Layla couldn't come with me. Ever since the heart attack she had been at my side every step of the way, and we couldn't even reschedule the session because her work had a one day conference...she was gonna be busy all day. Now that I earned significantly less, she was the major bread winner...we both knew she had to attend.
"It's cool, babe. I can do a session on my own, no problem," I said as I downed my ninth glass of water of that day, never mind how sick the taste made me feel. I was determined to stick to what the doctor prescribed and get me back to where I wanted to be at work and in life.
Layla wiped away a stray tear when she thought I wasn't looking.
"What if you get a heart attack whilst doing your exercises and I'm not there..." she whispered so softly that I could hardly hear her.
"Hey...there are people working there who are trained for this sorta stuff. I'll be fine. I promise," I said equally softly as I reached for her and hugged her from behind.
She was my whole entire world. I couldn't imagine my life without her.
**
I was really proud of myself.
I really thought I would struggle, mentally and physically without someone at my side but it all went great. I managed a steady run on the treadmill and completed all my circuit training that had been worked out for me. I was sweating buckets but I had to remind myself that it was all better out than in.
All that now remained was to gently wind down my work out by getting on one of those exercise bikes. Those where you peddle your fucking socks off and when you're done, you still haven't moved an inch LOL. I picked one in the middle of the stack and started to finish my session.
About ten or so minutes after I had gotten on, I saw another dude enter the gym area and cast his eyes over the equipment as well as the machines. Now, I had been here every day for the last four days now and I never seen him in here. Good looking guy, I had to admit. He didn't look like he had an ounce of fat on him, not exactly muscled, but more skinny in total. He looked about as lost as a fart inside a perfume factory.
I still had about ten minutes to go on the bike and I really didn't wanna get off and risk my bike being hijacked by another gym member otherwise I would have helped him. God knows I remembered how daunting this gym was a few days ago, and even then I had my wife with me. Seemed this dude was all on his own.
I swear I was looking down at the carpet for a few seconds when suddenly there was movement next to me.
"Excuse me, sorry...I really don't wanna be a bother but I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing first...?"
I smiled. I was right. His first time and it clearly showed. A total gym virgin. Well, until about four days ago, so was I. I took the paper he had with him and it was a work out sheet, pretty much the same as the one the instructions had designed for me. Apart from the rigorous cardio training, our schedules were virtually identical.
"No problem. I also started her on Monday. First you gotta warm up for all these things or you will be a stiff as a plank tomorrow. You can actually choose between ten minutes on the treadmill or twenty minutes on one of these bikes."
The guy looked petrified. I didn't wanna laugh but it was kinda funny. In the end, he sighed and got onto the bike next to mine and he started to peddle. It genuinely seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but inside a gym.
"You okay?" I dared to ask this stranger I had only just met.
He smiled woefully and with great displeasure peddled like his life depended on it.
"I'm alright, I guess. Sorry, I probably didn't make a good first impression. I'm Matthew, but please, it's Matt for short. I'm getting married in six months so I gotta to shape."
He stuck out his right hand as best he could whilst still peddling and I grabbed it and shook it in agreement.
"Agree with you there, man. I had a heart attack a few weeks ago and the doctor told me I gotta get my shit in gear. Hence, what you see here. I'm Jack, by the way," I smiled as he let go of my hand.
Matt widened his eyes as he seemed to get a better look at me.
"Are you serious? A heart attack? What are you like, twenty something? And it's not like you're fat!" he hissed as his peddling started to take his toll on his calves and upper thighs.
I already liked this guy!
"Thanks for the compliment, Matt, believe me, but I actually turned thirty on the same day I had the heart attack. So yeah...the job and everything about it just got to me and I let myself go, I know that now. But...making it up now, I guess."
Matt peddled in silence for a while until he cleared his throat.
"Guess if you can do it, so can I. My fiance is literally perfect, literally the complete opposite of what you see here. If I don't do something soon and fast, I just know I'm gonna lose him."
"Really? What the heck happened with people accepting you for what you are...wait...did you say...did you say, your fiance, is a `him'?"
Matt didn't say anything. He just frowned, and just kept on peddling.
Fuck sake...now that I heard my words inside my brain...poor guy must think I'm some sort of homophobe. I really didn't have a problem with people's sexuality or who they wanted to fuck in their lives because it had nothing to do with me. Damn...and here I thought I made a friend here of all places.
"Look, Matt, god...I'm sorry, man. I know how that must have sounded."
Matt smiled sadly and still kept on peddling. It was like he was determined...proving a point, came to mind.
"Can't satisfy everyone, can I? It's okay, not everyone is pro gay marriages. I really don't wanna fight or anything. Coming here was bad enough already. Uhm...yeah, so I think I'm gonna give that treadmill a go, for a while. Nice to have met you."
Jesus! This was nuts! I wasn't a damn homophobe!
"Matt, come on..."
But he had already dismounted the bike and was making his way over to the treadmills, wiping his forehead with his towel as he did so.
Fuck. Fuck!
How did I manage to upset him without even TRYING to?
**
I don't know why it bothered me so much.
I didn't know Matt from Adam. He was nothing to me, a stranger who I met at the gym. Without wanting to sound cruel, his opinion really shouldn't matter to me.
But it did.
There was someone out there who thought I was something that I was not. Man...why did I freak out when he had told me this fiance he was talking about was a man and not a woman? It wasn't such a big deal nowadays, was it? Not anymore, surely?
I didn't see him on the Friday nor on the Saturday. Sundays, I was allowed a day's rest according to my training program so I didn't know if he had turned up at the gym or not.
Layla once more joined me at the gym for my session on the following Monday and still no sign of Matt. Oh well. I can hardly apologize and talk all this out when I never see him. I know how badly gays were treated still in society...a little better now but it still happened though.
I shrugged my shoulders as I finished my cardio work out for the day. I should have long forgotten Matt already by now. It was weird how he kept popping up on my thoughts at such random moments...almost like a guilty conscience.
**
About a month into my training...and I more than saw the required results.
Although not a full six pack shaped abs on my toned stomach, it was slowly getting there. My biceps were strong and muscled. There was no sign of the flabby-esque body that I had before I started all of this. There were days I wanted to give up. But I kept at it and look now...yay! I wasn't about to stop either, because I didn't wanna let Layla or Ben down.
And still...a small part of me...thought that I would run into Matt if I kept all this up so I could finally apologize for what I had said that day. I haven't seen him since though, and I was really starting to think perhaps he was some fragment of my very tired imagination back then.
I was clearing down at the bikes when I heard a voice...a very loud and distressed voice which I have wanted to hear for over a month...
"But Daniel, you cheated on me! And now you suddenly want me back? How fucking dare you?"
I tried to suss out where the voice was coming from and sure as Sam...it was Matt. He...well, to be perfectly honest, he looked terrible. As if he hadn't slept well for a long time. His blond hair was disheveled, his skinny ass was perhaps even more so, if at all possible, and he was making such a scene in the middle of the gym that he had loads of people actually stopping their work outs to stare at the dude...not that he cared, he just kept going.
"I fucking worshipped you! And you go and cheat on me? And now that Money Bags has kicked you out, NOW I'm good enough to fuck again? FUCK YOU, DANIEL! FUCK YOU!"
This was bad. Management was on the phone and I swear they were calling the cops...either that or the security that was patrolling outside. I had to think carefully and quickly.
I got off the bike and walked straight to him.
"Matt..."
He swung around so fast that I swore he had gotten whiplash. It took a few seconds, it seemed, before he recognized who was standing before him.
"You...!"
"Come on, they've called the cops on you, let's just get outta here..."
"...what the fuck, man, I ain't going anywhere with you..."
Before he could say another word or utter another smidgeon of noise, I had enough. People were now even staring more than before. I knelt down and with all my new found strength, I actually pick Matt up in my arms and walked out with him hanging over my shoulders. He didn't make a peep. I think he was so deathly quiet because he couldn't believe what I was actually doing...but then again, neither could I.
**
I finally got to my car before I plucked him down and I quickly unlocked the car door.
"Get in."
"What? There's no way..."
"Look, either you get in or those nice security guards are gonna escort you to the police station for the scene you just made. Take your pick."
I doubted that the guards were actually gonna take him to the station...but I really didn't want him to get into trouble. The guy was hurting, clearly and pretty bad at that. Matt sighed as he saw the guards at the gym's entrance and he got into the car, with his thin arms folded, as he finally sat down. I closed the car door shut before getting in at the driver's side.
"Dude...what were you thinking screaming and swearing like that in a public place?" I hissed as I saw the guards outside the gym...doing sweet fuck all as usual to serve and protect.
"I'm sorry, okay! And what's it to you, anyway, Mr Muscle? Yeah, working out really worked out for you...no pun intended," he said...but a flutter of his eyes towards my chest and torso gave away that even he was impressed with my progress.
"Your guy cheated on you?" I asked softly...knowing the answer of course, but perhaps talking about it may help.
Matt nodded and rubbed his nose.
"Yeah. Yeah...he did that and more. Broke my fucking heart...ripped it out...sorry...being too dramatic as always. Nuisance of being gay, I suppose, so sorry for that."
I steeled my myself and turned towards him. Man...from close up he looked even worse. When last did he actually have a shower? Not even to mention have a decent sleep or even decent food. This guy...this poor guy was now, where I was a month or so ago. Only difference was...he was skinny. So, so skinny. Where I was getting fatter and more obese, Matt looked like he was in danger of actually floating away.
"Matt, look I just wanna say...I'm so, so unbelievably sorry about, that day. I really am not homophobic at all. And I've been slating myself that you would think that of me. Love is love and if you can grab it, no matter with you, so be it. I've been hoping that you would turn up at the gym again so I could apologize but now I can kinda see why you've been avoiding the place."
Matt nodded, and he gazed out the window.
"Came home that afternoon and he had this...kid in our bed. Couldn't have been older than eighteen. But he was muscled. He was a college jock. He could dominate. Everything my Daniel wanted and everything I couldn't give him."
"Now it all makes sense. That's why you joined the gym and looked like a total deer in headlights that day..."
"...shut up! Yeah, I reckoned. Tall, skinny gay dude wanting to put on some muscle to satisfy his guy. Pathetic, right?"
I frowned.
"I was actually gonna say it takes dedication to do all that for the person you love."
Matt looked at me...then down at my stomach where my newly found and were still somewhat sticking to my tank top...before back at me.
"And here I thought you were the biggest douche bag that day. Your wife is a lucky girl."
I froze.
"SHIT! SHIT...she's still inside the gym!"
Matt giggled and that turned into an almighty roar of laughter. Yeah...I should probably go get Layla who by now must have thought I had been kidnapped...but somehow...Matt laughing...I couldn't get out. I couldn't look away. He was so happy, a total difference of what he was only minutes ago. Laughter as the power to chance the world...I fully believe that now.
**
After I explained everything to Layla...twice...I was now staring at both her and Matt...crawling with laughter outside my car.
Go figure.
"Yeah...yeah, very funny..." I sulked before Layla managed to finally catch her breath.
"The only...the only way to get Matt outta there was to actually PICK HIM UP and carry him out? You never even wanna take our bins out!" she cackled and once more she and Matt doubled over in sheer laughter like they were old friends.
"Shouldn't we get back to Ben? You know, our five year old son?" I hissed through my teeth.
Layla came up for air before grabbing Matt's hand.
"Awww, yeah we really should. He can be a nightmare at the best of times and my mother is NOT the most patient person in the world. But Matt, here is my number. Me and you, we're totally doing coffee next week! Oh, lemme give you Jack's number as well. Just in case. Great! Come on, babe, you drive."
As Layla got in the car it was just myself and Matt outside. It felt right to stretch out my hand and offer him a handshake, which he took.
"You made quite the impression on my wife, dude," I smiled as I released him. He blushed and shrugged his shoulders.
"At least you don't have to worry that me and her will have an affair, right?" he snickered to which I had to chuckle at myself.
"I'll see ya then, I guess, " I mumbled, not quite knowing what to say now that Layla wasn't around all of a sudden.
"Yeah, I guess so," came the reply.
I was on the point of opening my car door when I heard him one more time...
"Did you...I mean..."
"Did I...do what?"
He blinked and then looked me straight in the eyes.
"Did you really go through all that trouble just to find me and tell me you aren't a homophobe?"
This time it was my turn to blush...and god knows, I never, ever blushed. Not if I could ever help it. I just wasn't that kinda guy.
"Yeah, I mean...I wanted you to know that. It's just not like me to judge or to hate. Sounds cliché, but it's true. "
Matt nodded before waving at Layla inside the car.
"See ya," he said...before he turned around, hands inside his pockets...and walking away quietly.
**
THANKS FOR READING!!
Hope you enjoyed it! If you wanna give me some appreciated feedback, or if you want a second chapter, please feel free :)
liciousryan@gmail.com