It's so hard not to look. I can't stand the fact that no one can ever know what I am thinking as we run laps in tennis practice, as I let him run in front of me a few feet so I can watch his light brown hair bounce through the air as he runs. He changes 3 feet away from me everyday and I cant look! I've been caught glancing before, but I cant let it happen this time.
It seems like when ever he is around me he acts really reserved and skittish. Ok, I am a senior, and he is just a freshman, I guess he is just nervous around upper classmen, I used to be that way to. I sometimes fantasize about how he is nervous because he doesnt want to be caught either, he is always looking at the ground trying not to look, afriad of what will happen if he stares, if I catch him staring. I want to tell him to relax, that I wont bite, then as he continues to stare at the floor, I gently lift his chin up with my fingers, and give him a soft kiss him on the lips, as I pull away I softly wisper "don't be scared".
Usually Matt is the only person changing when we are, the others don't come in until later. I can't let Matt see me look, he is my best friend, I cant let him know, he will never talk to me again. I'm not joking, he said it himself. If it wasn't for Matt, I would be out.
I walked into the locker room today just as he was pulling his shirt over his head, I looked at Matt so I wouldn't find myself staring, but Matt wasn't paying any attention, so I got a free glance, if only for a half second. I was a little surprized to see that how tanned he was, even though it is February. I couldn't have imagined him looking so good. His abs were perfectly defined, not so developed that they didn't look good, but you could see the soft outline of a six pac pretty clearly. His pecs complemented his abs perfectly. Although he was far from looking like a body builder, he was definatly in good shape. I didn't expect that, considering his arms seemed a little small and week to me, but now I can say that he is definatly not scrawny. His jeans rested loosly on his hips, and I could see his ab muscles leading down to where I expected to see a few hairs peeking out from the waist band of his boxers, but aperently his boxers were down lower than I thought, and even then there was no hair to be seen.
I must be dreaming, I couldnt believe this was the same freckle faced 14 year old boy that I was always imagining what he would look like when he was a little older and more developed, but now I could see he was plenty devloped.
On his right lower ab there were red marks that his jeans probly left from rubbing there when he was sitting in class, but in the dim lighting they looked darker, like scratches. I wanted to show some concern and ask what happened, run my fingers over the scratch and tell him how I couldn't stand to see his beautiful body flawed in such a careless manner. Kiss the scratch, tell him it was to make it heal faster, and then let my kisses lead to his belly button and downwards.
At that time it was almost worth loosing my best friend over. It was almost worth it to have the whole school hate me and humiliate me. It was just for one split second. I wanted it to last forever, I wanted to see more, I wanted to be alone with him, and with no secrets between us.
It's amazing what one glance that only lasts for one half of one second can do to your head.