On The Streets - Season Three - Part One
Jared's Point of View<<<
I woke up from a dream but I couldn't remember what it was about. It was still dark outside, and I lay looking out the window at the streetlamp at the end of our drive. It was flickering slightly, and was really starting to piss me off. The light on the alarm in the corner of the room was also flickering, but that didn't piss me off. I rolled away from the annoying light and faced Kevin. He was fast asleep. His hair had grown out slightly while we'd been in Mexico and was now flopping over his ears and onto his neck. It was just long enough that his fringe reached down to his mouth. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing was shallow, though he had the sheets pulled up to his chin so I could barely tell he was breathing at all. He started to snore gently, though after about the fifth or sixth time, he coughed and spluttered slightly and rolled over and slept peacefully again. The sheet fell slightly below his shoulder now, and I could see most of the top of his smooth back. The muscles moved fluidly under his skin and I reached out and touched them gently. His whole body shivered slightly at my gentle touch and he rolled back. I could see the definition of his jaw and prominent nose, and the scar on the right side of his chin. He was almost... smirking in his sleep, and I was happy that he was enjoying his dream. I wished I could remember what I'd been dreaming about. We'd arrived back the day before yesterday, and we were due to start work again today, so we'd both gone to bed quite early. That was probably why I didn't feel tired now. Kevin mumbled something in his sleep. It was almost seven by now, and I could see the beginnings of light outside, though the streetlight was still on. The alarm by Kevin's side of the bed sprung into life with the sounds of some annoying DJ spouting the local news. Kevin's arm reached out reflexively and stopped it. His mouth stretched into a grimace before he slowly opened both eyes. Some sleep made them stick together slightly, but he blinked a few times and finally opened them fully. His tongue flicked out and wet his lips just as he was looking over at me. He recoiled back slightly when he realised I was looking at him with my head on my hand, leaning against the pillow.
"Hi." He said in a voice with a slightly stronger accent than normal.
"Hey." I answered slowly, mimicking his accent slightly.
"How long have you been up?" He asked, turning to cast an eye at the clock before looking back to me.
"I don't know, I didn't check the time when I woke up." Kevin frowned slightly.
"Why are you up?" Kevin asked. I chuckled slightly. My sleeping habits had changed so much since I'd been here that now, if given the chance, I slept for about 12 hours a day.
"I don't know. I guess I went to bed too early." I smiled at him, then leant over and took the first morning kiss. Kevin always says I don't get morning breath, but I don't believe him. And I know he doesn't, so it always makes the first kiss quite enjoyable. I rolled away once we were finished, and sat on the edge of the bed. I sighed softly, then felt Kevin's legs wrap around my waist from behind and then his hands creeping over and grazing lightly over my nipple. I had a morning hard-on anyway. I turned around and started kissing him harder, slowly slipping off my pants as he lay back slowly, bringing me with him.
Nick's Point of View<<<
I woke to the sound of the alarm clock buzzing and a warm feeling around my cock. I saw Leo's shape under the covers as he suckled gently on my cock. I reached down and started rubbing his shoulders, urging him on. I pushed his head down slightly on my cock and he took it willingly. I was moaning by now, my morning hard-on so stiff it hurt in his mouth. I almost screamed as I came in his mouth and I released a hot load onto his tongue. I pushed the covers back, and he slowly rose up towards my face. As he did, he grabbed me by the waist, then leant forwards and kissed me. I could taste my cum washing around in my mouth as he released almost my entire load in my mouth. He climbed up my body, and fed his cock into my mouth. I moaned around his cock, making him moan slightly. He held my head up and bucked his hips gently back and forwards, fucking my mouth. I grabbed a hold of his firm butt and urged him on, taking sharp breaths as he extracted his cock from the back of my mouth. I could feel the heat of his cock as it passed in and out against my lips and the veins and ridges against my tongue and lips. After a couple of minutes, he pulled back and moved back down my body. He started kissing me on the lips and as he did, he grabbed hold of each of my thighs and wrapped them around his waist. He lined up his cock and pushed into me. I grabbed his head and pulled him further into the kiss. I was moaning and I could feel his cock opening me up. He eased completely into me, and I grabbed a hold of his back and pulled him as I pushed my ass onto him and tried to get him closer, before he pulled out slightly then rushed back in and increasing the tempo, he pulled out again and rammed it back in. He got faster and faster. Just as he was pulling out and sweating slightly, he slowed down a lot. "Are you ok?" He asked looking down at me. I could hardly answer, but I nodded slightly. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah." I said, breathlessly.
"Good." He said, grinning, showing his white teeth. He eased into me a few more times. I grabbed a hold of my ankles, and he put his elbows by my head. His pumping became more furious into me, and I could feel his cock rubbing against the edges of my hole as it buried itself in me. His hot body was now sweating, and the slickness made his movement against my body and inner thighs easier and faster. His abs rubbed inexorably against my cock and I felt myself getting hard all over again. I could feel his body tensing against my cock, that made me cum again. He shot his load into me, and I could feel how tense he got at that moment as he sprayed inside me. I kissed him again, and he rolled slowly off of me. "I love you so much." He said as he kissed me softly on the lips again and again.
"I love you too." I said softly.
Kevin's Point of View<<<
Jared and I got out of bed, slightly hot and very sticky. We held onto each other slightly as we made our way to the bathroom and went in to get ready. The light in the bathroom was almost blinding - I have to remember to put a weaker bulb in there next time. "Do you wanna shower first or not?" Jared asked me.
"Well, we could go together." I said smirking at him.
"We don't have time." Jared said in a slightly mournful tone.
"Fine." I acquiesced. "I'll shave and everything, that's gonna take me a while." Jared nodded and leant in to kiss me again before climbing in the shower. It wasn't a moment later I heard the taps come on and Jared was moaning quietly under the jets of hot water. We had about forty minutes before we had to be at work. Jared only had three more days worth of appointments, I couldn't quite see what the point in him going back was, but then, after a few days off, he was on tour with us! I was so badly looking forward to this tour. Admittedly at the end of the last tour I was whining about how boring it was getting, even with Jared there, but this tour wasn't as long, we weren't flying anywhere as it was a US tour and well, I had Jared from the beginning. I chuckled at that thought and continued shaving.
"What are you chuckling about?" Jared came up behind me and put his arms around me. He was wrapped in one of the massive towels we have hanging in the bathroom, and droplets of moisture still covered his muscular upper body.
"Just thinking."
"What about?" He asked.
"How good this tour's gonna be with you from the beginning." I smiled at him, and he leant in and kissed me. He started brushing his teeth while I finished shaving and then I started brushing. He spat and then picked up his razor to shave. I jumped in the shower once I was done and hurried up so that Jared wouldn't be ready too long before me. When I stepped out the shower though, Jared was there waiting for me, holding out a big towel. I wrapped up in it and his arms and just stood there as he toweled me dry, sometimes rubbing really hard and sometimes just dabbing me gently. He leant in and kissed me at the end, but he pulled back, he knew as well as I did that we had to be ready soon.
We were dressed and ready for work with about five minutes to spare, so we went and picked up something for breakfast from a cafe near the office. We arrived at the office with a couple of minutes to spare and as we walked in through the reception, the receptionist waved us over. "Mr. Richardson, Mr.Healey, umm, you have a few messages from the past few weeks." She said with a strange tone in her voice.
"Really? Ok." I said, and she reached down behind her desk, coming back up with a packaging carton full of small pink or yellow or white slips. Each of them had a small, hand-written note on them and generally a number.
"As well as that Mr. Richardson, errr... the other Mr. Richardson would like to see you when you get in."
"Ok, thank you." I said with a smile. We headed along to Pete Richardson's office. Knocking on the door, Pete appeared holding a folder and with his jacket off.
"Hey guys! You're back! How was the holiday?" He said with a wide grin on his face.
"It was great thanks Pete. How are you?"
"Good. Good. Oh did Rachel tell you to come down here?" I nodded slightly, guessing that was the name of the receptionist, who I didn't actually know. "Right, good. First, Kevin, you guys actually aren't working today, sorry, I meant to get a message to you, but it was late last night by the time I found out about the change in schedule. Brian finished the last of the scheduling work with me last night, so... I guess you've got a day off. Secondly..." We'd sat down by this point, and Pete was looking really uncomfortable. "Listen, this next thing isn't my choice or anything, but Jared... you see, well..." Pete looked down at his desk.
"Look, Jared, you'll only have about a week's worth of appointments if you come back now, before you're off again, and you've already told us that you're not coming back after the tour. The company doesn't want to get rid of the replacement fitness instructor and then hire him back in week. It's just practical. I'm sorry Jared." Jared frowned for a second, then his face changed to a completely blank expression. I turned back to Pete.
"What are you talking about? It was already arranged that Jared would teach a week's worth of clients and then head off with us on tour! He's still working for the company, you can't just revert that!" I stood up and stared straight at Pete.
"No. Kev. It's alright. He's right. It is a bit stupid for me to come back for a week. They would have to get rid of the instructor they've got and hire him back again in a week." Jared just looked up at me, then across to Pete. "It's real nice to have worked here for so long. Guess I probably won't be seeing you again. Nice to know you." Jared held out his hand, and Pete shook it, very surprised at Jared's actions. Jared then stood and walked out the office. I angrily said goodbye to Pete and followed Jared quickly.
"Jared?" I asked once I was out the office.
"What?" He asked quietly.
"Umm... are you ok? That didn't sound like something you'd say, what you said in there I mean."
"I'm kinda pissed off, I really liked working here, though I can see their point, but I guess I'm upset too, I didn't think about the fact that even if I hadn't lost my job here, I would be gone in a week. I guess I didn't realise how much I liked working here." Jared said. "I'm gonna go say goodbye to a few people. Can you meet me back in reception?" I nodded slightly, and Jared walked off quickly towards the elevator.
Jared's Point of View<<<
I'd been to explain to a couple of people who I used to train about how I wouldn't be coming back and everything, and a few of them seemed genuinely disappointed. I headed back and I realised I was walking right past the studio. I looked in through the slightly open door and I realised that there was a session going on, so I walked away quietly. "Mr. Healey!" I turned around, and the door had swung open, and a guy probably about my age, though about four inches shorter was at the door of the studio.
"Yes?"
"Err... I'm Pat Lampeter. I'm the new trainer. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the muck up with the arrangements. I promise I didn't have anything to do with that." He looked uncomfortable for a second.
"It's ok."
"Ok, oh yeah, and thank you for the notes you left on each group, they were really helpful." He smiled slightly. "It's difficult filling your shoes - all the groups carry on telling me 'that's not the way Jared used to do it' and I have to carry on getting them to just do your routines cos they don't respond as well to mine, but you've got them under a lot of discipline. They respond well to just about anything."
"Yeah, well, thanks. I guess I better get going. You've got a group to teach haven't you?"
"Err... yeah, thanks again. Bye."
"Yeah. Bye." I turned and walked away. I heard the studio door open again and close. I headed towards reception and Kevin was sitting there going through the box of messages that the receptionist had given us earlier. "You ready to go?" I asked him.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Everything ok?"
"Yeah, it's fine." I replied. Kevin put his arm around my waist and we walked out the building together. I was surprised that I actually did feel fine with everything. I really enjoyed working there, but I felt like... something better was coming my way, and I didn't really need that job anymore.
"I need to see Brian. Do you want to come over or go home?" Kevin asked as we pulled out the parking lot.
"I'll come with you." Kevin nodded, and switched the indicator. He pulled onto the freeway, and we drove for an hour and a half to Brian's home.
"Hey Kevin!" Brian called as we were driving up his long driveway. He was running across the lawn in front of his house. The few trees which sprung up on either side of the driveway obscured him sometimes, but we saw him running with a big grin on his face. "Kev! How are you?" He opened the driver's side door of the car and pulled Kevin out and into a big hug. Then he came around. "Jared. How are you guys?" He hugged me too, and then started to lead us in.
"We're fine thanks Bri. What's up?" Brian's face immediately broke into an even bigger grin, and he almost exploded.
"Leighanne's gonna have a baby!" He shouted at the top of his voice. He let out a yelp of joy and then came running back towards Kevin and pulled him into an even bigger hug than before, he was so happy I even saw a tear come out of the corner of his eye. Then Kevin hugged him back and they finally separated.
"That's so great cuz. Man, you're so lucky. Oh my god, that's just amazing. How far gone is she?"
"They reckon almost four months now, you can see it now, but she's definitely feeling it." He giggled slightly, and then let up on the hug. He came over towards me, and hesitated, I guess we hadn't hugged that much before, but I pulled him into a hug.
"Congratulations." I said to him quietly.
"Thanks Jar'." And he hugged me back just as fiercely. He finally pulled back and started to lead us into the house. "Did Pete manage to get hold of you Kev?"
"No, I went in this morning, and he told me we basically had the day off. That's why we came up here." Kevin answered him. "Then the dick told Jared that he wasn't coming back to work until the tour started."
"Kevin!" I shouted at him.
"What?" Brian asked. "What do you mean?"
"Jared isn't the fitness instructor for all the groups anymore, he's not even coming back once the tour's over - the guy they got to replace him is now the official Jive trainer."
"Shit Jared, I'm sorry. That's really harsh, the first day back from your honeymoon for them to fire you." I just shrugged. Brian took us through to the kitchen, where Leighanne was eating a sandwich from a big plate of sandwiches that she had in front of her. "Err... honey? You got enough sandwiches there?" Brian said with a smirk on his face. Leighanne almost coughed up the sandwich which was in her mouth when she realised we were all standing there gawping at the mountain in front of her.
"Oh guys! Err... no, I made these for all of you!" She said smiling smugly at Brian.
"But honey, I didn't tell you these guys were coming." Brian said smugly back.
"Oh just shut up and eat them before I do." She said and forced them on us. She'd made some pretty weird combinations - cheese and tuna, lettuce and barbecue sauce, apple slices and carrot. But some of them were quite nice. I did feel a bit guilty about taking her sandwiches when she'd probably spent a long time making them, but she carried on insisting that if we didn't eat them then she'd eat the lot of them, and she didn't want to put on that much weight.
Leighanne was really sorry about me losing my job and everything, but I told her it was ok. I was actually starting to feel ok myself about it. I didn't feel like I'd lost it through any fault of my own - it was just the firm making a pragmatic decision. "Jar'd, ya ok?" Leighanne asked in her drawl.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired I guess." I was actually feeling tired after this morning.
"Tell me about it! Ah wuz up at 6 with mah head down the toilet." Leighanne said. I smiled as I listened to her accent, it always seemed to me to fit into a Mark Twain novel. Leighanne then of course gave us a long discourse on the advantages of being male and hence not having to put up with morning sickness when one is pregnant. It made for quite revolting conversation.
Nick's Point of View<<<
"What's up?" I asked Leo; he was sitting curled up on the couch, just staring blankly at the TV. He'd been there for over an hour.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"You've been sitting there staring at nothing on the TV for over an hour. The programme you were watching finished ages ago. It's been showing a rerun of a 1960s detective show for the last hour."
"Oh, um, I was just thinking." I raised my eyebrows expecting him to go on. "Oh, it's not that important." I gave him a skeptical look. "Look, I was just wondering, what am I gonna do on tour. I mean, I don't want to just be a clinger, I want to do something interesting and worthwhile, not just go around the country with you." That hurt, and I think he knew it, cos he tried rewording it again and again.
"Leo, I understand it's ok. Ummm, I don't know. I guess between looking after Laura and dealing with the actual travelling around, I didn't think you'd have that much time."
"Oh."
"Look, we can sort something out for you to do if you want. But, you'd have to give us like your experience and that sort of thing, I didn't think you'd want to go through all the hassle of getting a job."
"I want to do something." Leo murmured, then went back to watching the TV. I'd phone Kevin later and see what he wanted to do, but for now, I wanted to get Leo out of this mood he was in. I leant over and started to gently nibble on his earlobe. He sighed gently, and turned his lips to meet mine, but I wouldn't let him. I moved down to his neck and started to kiss him there too. He was starting to respond. I got a little rougher and I reached down and roughly rubbed his crotch. He moaned loudly, and rolled slightly on the couch pushing his cock further into my hand.
Kevin's Point of View<<<
We left from Brian's house at about 4:30 to get back home before dark. Brian looked so happy that he was jumping about all the time. He and Leighanne were also the happiest I'd ever seen them together. They'd had marital problems a while back, mostly to do with Brian's travelling, or Leighanne's travelling, as she had to be on film sets a lot of the time. This was going to make their marriage a lot stronger. "Leighanne looked so happy." Jared said with a slight smile on his face.
"Yeah, it suits her, being pregnant." I answered. "I've never seen them so happy together."
"You still want kids?" Jared asked softly. I turned to him, trying not to make my eyes off the road, but still trying to gauge what he was feeling from his face. I nodded slightly, watching him for his reaction.
"Good." Jared didn't say anything else. He spent the rest of the ride home looking out the window.
"What do you want to do for dinner?" I asked Jared as we walked in through the door.
"I don't know, shall we see what we've got?" I walked through behind Jared and found him looking in the fridge. "Hmmm." He said softly.
"What is it?"
"Um, well, we don't seem to have very much." He answered.
"What's not very much?"
"Nothing." He answered. "There's a lump of cheese, some orange juice and a few vegetables, but unless you want a salad with cheese, we haven't really got very much." Jared sighed. "I guess we'd better go shopping." So Jared and I walked out of the house again and drove away. He looked a bit tired, so I didn't try to engage him in conversation. We got to the market and started pushing a trolley round.
"Have we got any tomatoes?" I asked Jared as we walked past the vegetables.
"Yeah, I think we're pretty much ok for fruit and veg, it's meat and other stuff that we need. We need some orange juice though." Jared said as he pulled some off the shelf. We walked quickly through the produce section and made our way for the meat and I think we had to pick up some cereal and other stuff. We gradually filled up the trolley. No one was bothering us, which made a change. Normally even Jared got caught on the streets when we were just walking round town. Jared nudged me slightly. "This is nice." He murmured.
"What?"
"Not being bothered." I smiled at Jared.
"I was just thinking the same thing."
"Though there is one thing." Jared started.
"What's that?" I asked him.
"There's been a small group of women following us around for the last twenty minutes." Jared said with a smirk on his face. I turned around, and suddenly there was a mad bustle as about seven or eight women all turned to the shelves pretending they were looking at something. I carried on watching them, and they all started giving me glances to see if we'd carried on. We didn't.
"Can we help you?" I called down the aisle. A couple of the women looked around and smiled nervously at us. I waved my arm, and they started moving closer, some of them abandoning their shopping trollies to come up to us while others just pushed closer. The first ones started to tell us they were sorry for just following us around, and they were just interested to see us doing something so 'normal' and were surprised we did our own shopping and didn't realise that we came to the same market they did and so on. As more and more came up to us, in the end reaching about ten in number, we heard from more and more of them. We both started giving autographs as we got shopping lists thrust at us that had some things crossed out on them. Jared was signing and answering questions as well. He looked over at me and gave me a nervous look, and I frowned, only to realise he was being surrounded by a particularly ravenous looking group of women. I was just getting asked about our honeymoon as I made my way over to stand next to Jared. He seemed more comfortable, and he signed more pieces of paper. It was impressive how many papers he was signing. Some of the women were even getting his autograph and not bothering with mine! I decided to say something. "Hey! What is this? Jared's more interesting than me now?" I said in a joking voice as the majority of the group of ten or so women moved over to him. A couple of the women laughed nervously, and Jared looked concerned for a second.
"Well..." one of the women who was near Jared started, then she shut up.
"What?" I asked her smiling gently.
"Well, he is above you in the poll."
"Huh?" I asked, not sure what she was talking about.
"The poll. You know, the one in Vogue." She said with a smirk. I shook my head, and she reached into her trolley. Jared and I were shoulder to shoulder as she handed a magazine to us. She had turned to a page showing a list of celebrities. It was an ongoing poll that had two months of voting left. Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake, George Clooney were in all the top ten, and then I followed where the woman's hand was pointing, and sure enough there I was. Apparently our latest album had put us back into the sexiest men lists as well. It also showed that the people who normally voted in these things were older women as the other guys weren't above me.
"Hey look, there's me!" Jared said as he pointed to seven places above mine.
"What?" I almost shouted. "Sorry." I said quickly.
"How did I get there?" Jared asked. I ran my finger along his line. They mentioned he was married to me, and that I was at number 50, and then the number of votes - 51,112.
"Apparently by getting over 50,000 votes. I've only got just over 40,000." Jared was smiling slightly as he looked at the magazine. I couldn't help feeling jealous, in fact I was feeling wave after wave of it, and then each time I felt it, I felt guilty, and looked around to make sure no one could see how pissed off I was getting. Jared wasn't even a celebrity - he was my husband, he was a fitness instructor, and he'd got into a celebrity poll! I was getting more and more jealous and more and more guilty, and it was pissing me off. Jared was talking to the women again, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. "Shouldn't we get going?" I said quietly to him. He nodded slightly, then apologised to the women he was talking to. That was normally what I did! We walked away, and no one was following us any more. We carried on picking stuff up from the shelves. Jared had a smirk on his face and was almost... bouncing. We finally got to the checkout and got through. I was getting angry now, and I wanted to tell him to stop smiling. I couldn't believe I was getting so jealous, over some dumb poll, in a women's magazine. Jared had just come over to this country like a few months ago though, how could he be so popular already? We got out to the car and started loading the bags in. I noticed Jared had picked up a copy of Vogue and it was in one of the bags. "What's this?" I asked.
"Oh, I wanted a copy. I thought that it was really cool." Jared said with a smirk on his face. I suddenly got really angry.
"This is bullshit Jared! You just want to rub my face in it!"
"What? No!" Jared said almost as loudly as me. I realised I was standing in the middle of a parking lot, but...
"Jared, this a fucking crap! It's just some dumb poll! It doesn't mean anything!" I practically screamed at him. Jared's head recoiled slightly, and I could see his eyes were watering slightly, but so were mine.
"Then why you getting so fuckin' upset about it?" Jared asked quietly. I could hear my breath slowing slightly, my tears starting to fall. A sob escaped my throat and I walked down the side of the car slightly, so that I was between the two cars on the opposite side to Jared. I leant against our car and I slumped down so I was sitting on the asphalt. It was dark by now. I felt Jared at my side, and I felt his arms around me and that was it. I was holding him so tight, I could feel his breathing becoming laboured. I'd hated him. I had actually envied him so much that I hated him and I was terrified of myself. I wanted to hate myself for what I'd thought. I was so confused, over the poll, over Jared, over everything. "I love you Kevin." And that was it, I loved him all over again. This was why I loved Jared. He fit me perfectly, not only did I help him and in so many ways fill up his little 'gaps', but he filled up mine. I was a selfish fucking bastard and yet Jared still came back and told me he loved me.
"I'm sorry. God that sounds so pathetic." I said softly. "I love you too." I tried to look him in the eyes but I couldn't. I realised I was still holding the copy of Vogue which had been in the bag. "This is what I meant when we first met. I'm scared Jared. I'm getting older, and people don't feel the same way they used to about me. You've only been here a few months and you've only been in the public eye for a couple of months at most, and yet you're already more popular than me." Jared sat back on his haunches and leant his head on his hands. He was smirking! He started laughing! "What?" I asked angrily. He didn't stop laughing. "What are you laughing about?"
"Kevin. Do you know what that poll shows me?" Jared asked quietly. I shook my head. "Kevin, it shows me that the only thing I can beat you at, especially in terms of popularity, is looks. Something as superficial and unimportant as that." Jared said flatly. "A load of frustrated women wrote in and said I was good looking. Well whoopty-fucking-doo. I give a shit." Jared paused and looked down at his hands. "Do you know just how little I manage to compare to you?" Jared asked.
"What, but you..." I held up the magazine. Jared pushed it down with his hands.
"You're funny, you're smart, you're incredibly talented. You're wealthy, you're loving and caring, you get on with your family and friends. You are careful with your money but still generous, you're sensible, and you're incredibly good looking. 40,000 women voted that you were." Jared paused for a long time. "If anything, I'm the one trying to improve my self-image here Kev. It shouldn't be you." Jared said, and he begun to cry silently. I leant over and hugged him tightly again. I couldn't understand - why would Jared need to improve his self-image? He was so damn perfect! Then I remembered, his life, what he'd been through. He probably didn't see himself the way I saw him. I started reassuring him, saying anything I could think of. I brought him up to standing while I was saying all that, and tried to get him into the car - it was getting cold. By the time I got him around to his door, he pulled away. "I'm sorry. I'm ok." He said quietly, mumbling.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." I said, before pulling away as well. Jared nodded, and turned to get into the car. I ran around to my side and climbed in too. "Jared I'm sorry I shouted." I started. "I guess I was jealous, but I was angry at myself for being jealous too." Jared nodded and turned to look at me.
"I understand, it's ok." He said softly. I didn't want to ask the next bit.
"Do you really feel like that about yourself?"
"What do you mean?" He asked me. I didn't want to explain.
"You know, like you're less than me. I don't know how to explain. What you said out there, all that stuff, about how you're the one who needs to feel better about yourself." I continued.
"Well, no, not normally. But you know, sometimes. When I don't feel at home or something, even when we're at home. And I remember... well, everything. And how you built all this up, everything. And I'm just there, I came in late." Jared was slightly out of breath and stopped to breathe for a second. "I just don't know sometimes. But everyone feels out of place right? Sometimes at least?" Jared voiced what he felt was right, but I didn't.
"No. You shouldn't feel out of place Jared, least of all when you're at home. When you said this a couple of months ago, I thought you meant you just wanted to spend some time with your brothers. I thought you'd be over feeling out of place at home by now. Jared... maybe we should, I don't know, go see someone..." I trailed off. I wasn't sure where all this was coming from I was just speaking exactly what I thought.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"You know, a couples, err... what are they called. A couples counsellor. I don't know Jared, but if you still don't feel comfortable being around me and at home with me, then maybe something's wrong."
"No! Kevin, no that's not what I meant - you are the one thing I feel most comfortable with. I don't want to risk anything to lose you. I don't. I just can't, please believe me when I say that. I just... I... do you really want to do that?" Jared asked me. His face contorted slightly. He looked uncomfortable with the idea.
"I don't know."
Jared's Point of View<<<
Kevin and I got back home and we'd barely said a word to each other. There were so many things I wanted to get out, to say to him, but I didn't know how. I can't explain them even now. I wasn't sure how I felt, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but most of all, I wasn't sure about Kevin. It was like everything I felt for him before was now a paradox. I didn't know how to behave around him and yet he was the person I felt most comfortable with in the whole world. I didn't know what to say to him and yet I felt that I could say anything, and he would forgive me, or wouldn't mind if it wsa slightly insulting.
"I don't want to go and see someone." I said as we emptied out the shopping bags. Kevin had offered to do it by himself, but I didn't want to be too far from him.
"Oh. Is there some reason why?"
"I'd be scared of going to see someone like that." I replied. And it was the truth. I was just voicing what came into my head. "I'd be worried that you might see, what I'm like."
"I know what you're like Jared, and frankly I love you for all of you. Don't think that some quack doctor could make me love you any less. We don't have to go see someone, I was just suggesting it." Kevin came across to me and put his arms around me. I swore then and there that I'd do everything to make him happy, especially over this tour. I'd stop being so selfish, and I'd make sure I always thought of him first.
"I love you Kevin." I said softly, and kissed him.
"I love you too Jared." He said as we pulled apart.
End of Part One TBC...