Firstly, I want to say I do not know nor do I make any presumptions about the sexuality of the Backstreet Boys nor any other celebrities who may appear in this story. This story is entirely the product of the sick imagination of the author.
Secondly, you should know that I am English, I live in London, and that is where at least the first couple of chapters are set, sorry, but it's the only city I really know well enough to describe in great detail!!!
Thirdly, I do not know if the Backstreet Boys are ever coming to Europe again, nor do I know their tour schedules, nor do I attempt to find them out, so this really is part of my imagination and this story is set in some fictional future where the BSB are on some European tour that starts in London, so on with the story...
Oh yeah, I'd also like to thank Jimmy for writing to me so much about this story, I hope his back surgery goes ok, and keep on searching I'm sure you'll find him.
On The Streets - Part 6
"Shut up Brian, I don't need this right now."
"What Kevin? For me to tell you the truth?"
"Brian he's a perfectly nice guy, all the other guys like him, just because he beat you when you tried spouting scripture at him doesn't mean that he's not a nice guy."
--Silence--
"Kevin's right Brian, Nick Howie and I all like this guy, if he agrees to come on the tour why don't you just give him a chance?"
--Silence--
"I think he's coming around, he's been making moaning noises for the last 5 minutes or so like he's in a lot of pain, but I guess that's to be expected."
"Ok, thanks Mark, I'll stay for now, I don't think it would be such a good idea for you to be in here when he wakes up, he might be pretty upset about you hitting him."
"Ok Kevin, please tell him I'm sorry though I thought he was just being an ass, I didn't realise that you guys had really been pushing him. Please tell him I'm sorry."
"It's ok." I struggled to speak. Kevin was at my side and Mark was standing by the door apparently about to walk out. "Mark, it's ok, I was being an ass, I just wish you could have told me in slightly less forceful terms." I smiled slightly. That hurt too.
"I really am sorry sir, I didn't know about how the guys had reacted when management agreed to let you come on tour, I guess it is a lot to have put on your plate all at once, well I hope you get better soon."
"Ok, thanks Mark, oh and Mark?"
"Yes Sir?"
"Call me Jared." I saw him grin a big, toothy grin and he walked out the room. "Where are we?" I turned to look at Kevin.
"We're at the Clementine Churchill hospital. Lukas hit you pretty hard on the nose and it's broken and they were worried for a while about how long it was taking for you to wake up." Kevin looked really concerned.
"Kevin, don't worry, I've had a broken nose before, and my mum always used to say I was a late riser!" Kevin's face lit up, I couldn't believe how his eyes sparkled when he smiled, but they did and God was I falling fast for him. We must have stared at each other for a good five minutes or so before we heard a knocking at the door and a nurse came in. She had to check my blood pressure and stuff and also took a look at my pupil dilation with one of those weird torches. She left after about 6 minutes and Kevin and I went back to staring at each other. I suddenly felt very embarrassed and could feel the heat rising in my cheeks, so I looked down at the white linen hospital sheets. Kevin chuckled gently next to me and placed a finger under my chin and raised up my head until I was facing him eye to eye. He leant down and kissed me on the lips.
"I don't care if you take months to decide if you want to join the tour, take your time, I'll be waiting." There was another knock at the door before Nick's head popped through the opening.
"Hey guys, thought I'd come and keep you company, after all today is our day off, so I've got nothing better do seein' as old Kev here won't go out with us!" I looked over at Kevin and was about to tell him that he should go out with Nick when Nick pulled in through the door a large cardboard box with bright colours all over it.
"Nick what's that?" I was a little worried by this, what was he bringing into a hospital?
"It's Kevin's idea, not mine, why don't you ask him!" I looked over at him and he was looking at the floor very sheepishly. I almost laughed at his expression, but I wanted to know what this box contained.
"What is it?" I asked Kevin.
"A present for you. I thought you might get bored as you have to stay in over night and they don't allow visitors all the time, so we have to go eventually, but I got you something that I hope will keep you interested. I looked over at the box which Nick had placed down on the floor beside my bed. He was just opening the box, and pulling out a large black rectangular object which he placed by my side.
"What is it?" Both guys snorted as if they thought I was kidding. I wasn't! "No, I mean it guys, what is it?" I think they must have seen my straight face as Kevin started explaining:
"It's a computer Jared, it's not top of the range, there aren't many computer places nearby, so I couldn't look for very long, but I guess this was the best I could find, I hope it will do, we really wanted to make it up to you." Nick was turning on the computer by now and was powering everything up. The screen flashed into life and the little whirry things inside were whizzing around and making weird noises. There were little lights on the front panel which also flashed into life: green red and amber. I already didn't like this thing.
"Kevin, um, why'd you get this for me? I didn't do anything to deserve this." Kevin looked very sheepish for a moment or two.
"I wanted to give you something, I was hoping if we were all really nice to you, it would help you decide if you wanted to come or not."
"Oh, so is that what all those arguments were about and you telling Brian things like `just because he beat you when you tried spouting scripture at him doesn't mean that he's not a nice guy'." Kevin looked at me shocked.
"You mean you heard all that?"
"I carried on flicking in and out, I couldn't always hear what was going on, but I did hear you talking to Brian and I heard A.J. I think he was talking to Brian too."
"Did you hear me? I was here too! Did you hear me???" Nick was getting a bit over-excited.
"No." That shut him up, but a quick smirk and he was back to his normal over exuberant self.
"Ok, very funny, funny man, why don't you start by playing Doom, it's one of the only games we could get hold of, at such short notice, but then we'll sort out your net link-up, Kev bought a mini mobile modem, it's really cool, it looks like a mobile phone, but you can plug it into the back of here and it's just like a normal phone line. It's so cool." He placed the laptop on my lap and had the screen facing me.
"Sorry Nick, but I don't really feel like playing right now, I guess I'm still a little disoriented from just waking up, give me a bit and I'll be ok, ok?" Nick shrugged his shoulders and nodded before sitting back onto the chair behind him, leaving the laptop sitting on my lap. He was staring very hard at the laptop and then I realised it was because he wanted a go. "Do you want to play Nick?" Nick nodded his head and picked up the laptop off my lap, licking his lower lip and being careful not to get the wires tangled that hung out the back. Kevin looked angry for a moment, then as Nick sat down and started playing he got this downright furious scowl on his face. I cast a look over at Nick to see that he was oblivious to Kevin's expression and was happily hammering away at the keys. "Kevin?" He looked down at me, and quickly lost the scowl from his face. "I guess I should tell you something." He looked concerned for a moment.
"What is it Jared?"
"It was really nice of you to buy me that computer and everything and I'm sure it cost a lot of money and everything but the thing is that well, you see I... I" Kevin looked frustrated he was having a hard time keeping the look of concern on his face when I was stammering so much over my words.
"What is it Jared?"
"I don't know how to use a computer, I can't even turn it on, let alone play on it or work a net link up!" Kevin looked astounded for a second and Nick's fingers stopped tapping away at the keys.
"You mean you've never played on a computer before?" Nick asked, astonishment in his voice. I shook my head no. I looked back at Kevin.
"I'm sorry Jared, I didn't know that, I wouldn't have got you it if I'd known, I'm really sorry." Kevin seemed upset that he hadn't managed to please me with his gifts.
"It's ok Kevin, but next time you buy me a gift, please check it's something I can work or do, or better yet just stay away from anything hi-tech, in all probability, I won't be able to run it!" I smirked at this. "I would have been perfectly happy if you'd just got me a newspaper to read!" Kevin's eyes shot up at this. He started rooting around in a plastic bag by the bed. All of a sudden with a triumphant flourish, he pulled out a copy of The Independent and handed it to me with a courtly bow. I snickered and he rose up again with a big smile on his face. I think I preferred him like that. "Wow, you even know which newspaper I read!"
"Actually it's the one I always read whenever I'm in England, it has some interesting viewpoints."
"I didn't know you were a socialist!" I laughed at his expression, he'd stuck his bottom lip out a bit and had a mock hurt expression on his face. "It's ok Kevin, I won't tell anyone!" I laughed as his face lit up with excessive cheerfulness at this.
"What do you mean a socialist? Kevin's not a socialist." Nick looked between me and Kevin and the confused expression on his face got a laugh from both of us. I felt I had to explain it to the `youngster'.
"Nick I didn't mean it like that, do you follow politics in your country at all?" He nodded his head uncertainly, I gathered from that and Kevin's vigorous shaking of his head that Nick's idea of following politics was that he knew who the current president was. "Nick in England there are two main parties, the same as in America, but in England we have the Conservatives who are like your Republicans, and then we have the Labour Party who are like your Democrats, but are quite a bit more left wing." Nick seemed more confused. I didn't feel like explaining the historical prerogatives of a classless society and the old European orders nor did I feel like explaining the upward movement of people in classes in America and how classes in America had different boundaries and limits, so I tried a different route: "Nick, you know when the presidents are campaigning in America, most of what they talk about is finance and the economy?" He nodded, I wondered whether this guy had watched even one presidential debate. "Well, in this country instead of finance and economy, our political parties' main platforms consist of social welfare and benefits. The left wing parties such as Labour are bothered about the lower classes and how well they are doing and whether they have things like a minimum wage, that is why our minimum wage in our country is so much higher than the one in America, because we have an active and very powerful socialist faction in this country." Nick still looked confused. "Nick, think of it like this: socialists are similar to communists, they want to help the lower classes by the government intervening more in the economy to strain off a bit of money and give it to the less well off." A spark of understanding appeared in Nick's eyes, so I just finished off: "And in England most papers are either Left wing or Right wing, and they speak the views of one side or the other. I just happen to prefer the left wing, slightly more socialist or communist views, as does Kevin, and we leave the right wing papers like the Daily Telegraph alone."
Nick nodded his head and smiled with a wide grin. "Thanks man, that's pretty cool actually, I can't say I agree with you, but I understand the split in the papers now." He went back to playing his game. Kevin and I both laughed at his actions.
"The doctor said you can leave tomorrow morning, they just want to keep you overnight for observations, is that ok?" Kevin looked down at me again. I could feel myself losing myself in his eyes all over again, but I pulled myself away.
"Yeah sure, it should be fine, I guess it's just a pity that I missed the day off, I coulda showed you around London!" He smiled at this and reminded me that he had another day off on Thursday, and they have rehearsals tomorrow, but they have the morning free. I was glad at that, at least we could talk more tomorrow morning. To tell you the truth, I didn't really like hospitals very much, and I was kinda worried about how well I would sleep tonight - I never did sleep very well in an unfamiliar bed, but I would have to try.
"Is everything ok?" Kevin was concerned again.
"Yeah everything's fine." I lied.
"Ok" Kevin wanted to know something, I know he did, he carried on taking in a deep breath to ask me and never quite got it out.
"For fuck's sake Kevin just spit it out and say it!" Nick and Kevin both looked up in shock. Kevin sighed and looked me in the eyes and started:
"Have you, well have you, you know, thought anymore about the tour and joining us?"
"When exactly was I supposed to do this thinking? Was it while I was unconscious perhaps, or maybe it was while I was being assaulted by your guards, or perhaps just now while I was being embarrassed and made to feel stupid because I don't know how to use one of those damn computers, or maybe when I was trying to explain to that dimwit the difference between left and right wing politics?" I regretted all of it as soon as I had said it. I didn't blame Mark for his actions, I didn't feel like I'd been made a fool of and I didn't think Nick was a dimwit, nor did I feel annoyed that I had to explain politics to him, in fact it made me feel really good to teach people stuff like that, I guess that's just the teacher in me showing through. "Oh God Kevin" I suddenly felt stiff and my throat contracted. "I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry, I promise you I didn't mean that, I'm really, really sorry." I looked up into his eyes pleading with him, pleading to be forgiven and begging for him to still want to be with me and for him to still accept me. When had I become so needy?
"It's ok Jared, we understand you're still annoyed about how we tried to push you and everything, we're sorry too. And as I said before I am sorry about getting the computer, I didn't know. And I think you already forgave Mark, so please don't blow your top about him again, you've already forgiven him." I nodded and felt really stupid, I thought I was going to cry, and then I did. I felt Kevin's arms circle around me and he held me as I shook. The sobs wracked through my body and I had a hard time catching a breath. I carried on whispering into his ear: "I'm sorry Kevin, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'm sorry". He rubbed my back up and down and gently whispered back to me: "It's ok, It's ok Jared, we forgive you." Eventually my sobbing slowed down and finally stopped. I pulled back from Kevin and looked into his eyes - I saw understanding and compassion, but a little disappointment, and I could see how much he was hurt at what I'd said. I almost started crying again when I saw this, but managed to keep myself under control. "Jared, I'm gonna go get me and Nick some drinks and maybe something to eat, do you want anything?"
"Just some water please?" He nodded and walked out the room. I was left all alone in the room with Nick who was busily punching away at the keys on the computer again. "Nick?" He carried on punching the keys. "Nick?" I said a little more insistently. He looked over the top of the laptop angrily glaring at me before going back to his game. "Nick, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that about you, it just slipped out, I don't think you're stupid or anything, I swear! I was just being oversensitive about Kevin pushing me and you were the second closest person for me to vent my anger on, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I'm so sorry Nick." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. Nick came up and hugged me as I started sobbing once more. "I'm so sorry Nick, I'm so sorry."
"It's ok Jared, but please don't make any more jokes about me being stupid, make jokes about my hair, my weight, my looks, my talent, I don't care, but not about how stupid I am." He looked at me with longing in his eyes. I nodded and he smiled back. "It's just I didn't really finish High School Jared and I obviously never went on and got any further education, I mean all the other guys finished High School at least, but we took off as a band before I finished. I mean I'm not completely thick, I pick up concepts, and I can be taught, I like learning, and reading, but I'm just not as smart as the other guys." I could see he was getting pretty choked up, so I interrupted him.
"It's ok Nick, I'm sorry I didn't know that that was a sore point for you, I promise I won't touch on that again." I was about to carry on when I got a really great idea, but I kept quiet about it for the moment and decided to wait until I'd decided if I wanted to join the tour or not. Nick smiled at me and sat back down while we waited for Kevin to come back with our drinks.
---Later that night---
It felt so cold, I could feel the cold on every part of my body, it felt like I was standing outside in midwinter naked. It was very dark, though not pitch black, it was like everything around me was a dark grey colour. Then I turned to the left and could see my home, well what used to be my home, my parents' house. The upstairs lights were all off, except for the middle one and the downstairs ones were all on too. I could see in through the downstairs window into the living room. There was my dad sitting with a stern expression on his face. There was my mum, looking quite upset, but angry, and her cheeks were flushed. Then there was my brother who was clenching his fists and was obviously seriously pissed at something. Then I heard a strange voice shouting from the front porch, the front door was now open and when I looked to the right I could see myself coming out the front door. I heard myself shout to my parents with a tearful voice: "I'm leaving now, I hope you think about what you've done you fucking bastards!" It was the only time I'd ever sworn to my parents or even sworn in front of my parents. I saw myself walking down the street in the freezing cold, sobbing and the sounds of me crying almost ripped my heart out all over again, `why the hell did I tell them then?' I hardly had any friends and I didn't have a boyfriend or anything who could help me through or even offer me a place to stay. I lived with my parents for a year after university before they threw me out and from then on I lived on the streets, when I could afford it I rented a place for a month or two, but most of the time I was on the streets. The vision of my parents' house disappeared.
I was standing in Soho, the `gay' district of London. I was still cold, freezing cold in fact. It was a pride day, there were banners everywhere. I saw my boyfriend up at the front. He was speaking from a loud hailer about gay rights and how important they were and I was smiling at him. Then I saw it, a man probably 2 inches taller than me wearing a grey bomber jacket and snow camouflage trousers and a wolf face mask and he came up behind my boyfriend just as he was putting down the loud hailer. I was about to start clapping like the rest of the crowd when I remembered what was about to happen. I turned away, but I knew what would happen: the man came up behind my boyfriend, Jon and took a knife from his pocket, got Jon in a headlock from behind and stabbed the knife into his lower back repeatedly. The man ran off and got last in the crowd. We found a grey bomber jacket with blood stains on it, the camo trousers which turned out to be the type strippers wear that can be ripped off easy cos of Velcro and the knife which had no prints on it, but they would indeterminable anyway - there was so much blood on the knife. I thought about taking up Jon's place - talking about rights, shouting out in London about the rights we deserve, but I knew I could never do it. Then the White Wolves started speaking and there was the Admiral Duncan pub bombing and I got scared and ran. I did this in my dream too - I ran.
Suddenly, I was no longer freezing cold - I looked up and saw a huge set of arms embrace me - they were Kevin's. He smiled down at me and I smiled back up. Then I noticed behind him all the other guys who all had a hand on Kevin's back, supporting him. I leant my head on Kevin's shoulder and felt his warmth and closeness, and I loved it.
I remembered the tour and how angry I was at Kevin for still pushing me and I turned around. Suddenly I felt freezing cold again. I didn't like this, so I turned around, but saw Kevin standing a long way off and he was getting further away, and he was crying and being comforted by his band mates. I shouted out to him but he didn't hear, and then there was darkness again.
I sat up in bed, shaking and cold. It took me a while to get my bearings and realise that I was still in the hospital and that I was all alone. I sat there for a moment before I came to a final conclusion: "I'm going on tour"...
To Be Continued... End of Part 6
I know this chapter has a lot of London specific references, but basically the Clementine Churchill hospital is a private hospital that's very expensive (I'm not gonna go into the differences between US and UK health systems, but basically most health care in the UK is free, but we do have a small group of private hospitals that you buy insurance for and they work like normal hospitals, but you get treated better). Oh yeah, and the events in Soho really did happen, the murder of a gay rights protester and the bombing of the Admiral Duncan pub, but the White Wolves never started speaking out because they're fucking cowards. If you have any feedback from this chapter, then please send it to me at the address below, I'd really like to hear from anyone about their views or comments on how I'm portraying the characters: as I said I'm English, so if anything I'm saying doesn't make any sense to the American or Australian readers out there, please say so and I'll change it! (Except of course for Jared who has to speak like an English person!) Anyway hope to hear from you...