Disclaimer stuff: I don't know the Backstreet Boys, I doubt that I ever will, I'm not denying the eligibility of Kevin and Kristin's marriage, but I can hope can't I? I am not making any assumptions about the sexuality of the BSB or any other celebrities who may appear in this story, they are merely the product of my imagination and their appearances, lifestyles and careers happen to bear a striking resemblance to those of the real life celebrities they resemble.
Right, now I'd like to make a couple of recommendations, especially for anyone who's about to start writing on the archive: Forever (my Holy Grail!), Josh and Just, My New Life, JC's Hitchhiker, Reformation, Get Another Boyfriend, and there are so many others I can't think of now, though I'm sure I'll think of them at some point, and add them to the list.
Finally, there's all the stuff about me being English, so if something doesn't make sense, then I'm sorry but it was our language first and you changed it, so don't blame me! Hope to hear from lots of people on this chapter, it's quite long, so anyway, on with the story:
Last Time:
We only got about an hours' sleep before we had to wake up so the guys could get to the concert on time. Kevin and I had packed most of our stuff the previous night, as we were leaving straight from the concert, on the tour bus. I decided to sit backstage this time, my ears hadn't recovered from the previous few concerts I'd witnessed. I sat in the guys' dressing room reading a book I had got earlier that day. Once I heard the music and screaming die down, I put the book down and waited for the guys to come back. Kevin came in with a huge grin on his face, he came right up to me and kissed me.
"The show went great." He said, he was still out of breath.
After waiting for about an hour at the stadium, we got onto the bus and sat on the couches which lined either side of the front of the bus. Kevin put his arm around me and I smiled at him. I turned and looked out the window, and my eyes caught the eyes of some newspaper photographer. I looked closely at him, he looked very familiar. His camera dropped from in front of his face, and just before we pulled away, I saw his jaw drop a bit. He looked so familiar, oh well, it wasn't really important. The bus drove well into the night to get us to Lyons for the next nights' concert...
Now, on with the story:
I woke up Saturday morning in the bunk with Kevin wrapped around me. I stared at the ceiling about two and a half feet above me. There were pictures taped there as well, mostly nature pictures, mountains, forests, hills and plains. There were a few of Kevin and the guys in various locations, there was Kevin and other people, I think they were his family, I could definitely see a resemblance between him and some of the men in the picture. I saw a picture of Kevin when he was much younger, he couldn't have been much more than 18, and his mother and father were in the picture, and they were all smiling. He had told me that his parents knew that he was gay, and they didn't care. He'd also told me that his dad had died when Kevin was just 19. I couldn't imagine that, but then again I couldn't imagine having parents who accepted me for my sexuality either. I brought my hand up and gently traced the shape of the faces in the picture. They looked so happy together, peaceful, like they couldn't be any closer.
"You miss your parents don't you?" Kevin said. He was watching me trace my fingers over the photograph. I turned to him and kissed him on the lips.
"I'm over it Kevin, and I don't mean that as just a way of getting out of answering your question - I mean it. I'm over them, I don't want to see them again, they're out of my life." I turned to him and smiled. "I've got you now anyway, and I know we're gonna be together a long time." He smiled back and snuggled closer into me. I couldn't get this nagging feeling out of my head though: 'Kevin's family accepted him, but would they accept me?'
"Come on, let's get up. We've got a rehearsal soon, then we can go out for lunch and we've got to go to sound check about 4 o'clock. It's an early concert tonight, and then we're back on the road to Germany." Kevin held out his hand for me, and he pulled me up to standing, only just missing my head hitting the top of the bunk. I was only a few inches from his face as we stood closely to one another. Slowly, my face inched closer and finally we were in one of the most passionate kisses we'd ever been in. Our lips intertwined, and our tongues crushed together. I felt his whiskers brush against my cheeks and lips. His hands were all over my back, the side of my head, my butt. Then I grabbed him tight and held him to me. Finally we pulled back, taking deep breaths.
"Wow." He said, we both chuckled. We started kissing gently, our hands running up and down each others' backs. Finally, we heard someone coughing. I turned my head around and in the bunk above Kevin's, Nick was sticking his head out from behind the curtain.
"Do you mind, I would like to get out of my bunk sometime today, and with you two necking right in front of poor, innocent me, I can't get out." With a wide flourish, and a step back, Kevin and I both swung our arms out as if to allow Nick out of the bunk. He let out a huff, and climbed down from his bunk. He walked along to the kitchen area. Kevin and I both went into the bathroom where we brushed our teeth side by side. Thank god the bus was parked, it would have been impossible were we moving. Then I shaved while Kevin had a quick shower. When Kevin came out, I noticed his goatee could use a tidy-up, so I offered to do it for him. He smiled and said yes.
About half way through the job, I looked into Kevin's eyes. "Now, don't get angry if it doesn't look as good as normal, just remember I've never shaved someone else before." He looked at me with widening eyes, and a look of shock on his face. Then he saw I was kidding, and gave me a playful punch on the shoulder. I told him to finish the job and I would grab a shower. We both got dressed and walked into the kitchen where we grabbed some pastries which had been brought in by some support staff for the guys. They all ate hungrily. I noticed all the guys except Howie were up and were scoffing down the tasty, French dough. Fatima walked in halfway through breakfast and she greeted all the guys who greeted her back. Then she turned to me.
"Jared, can I talk to you for a minute, outside?" I nodded and followed her out. I turned back just before leaving the bus, and saw all the guys leaning out of the booths in the kitchens looking down the aisle with confused expressions on their faces. I smiled at Kevin.
"Jared, one of the dancers has sprained their ankle, and we don't have time to get a back up. This just happens to be the one concert the understudy said he couldn't make it to, so...well, I'm not gonna ask you if you can do the dances, which I have no doubt you could do, but to add something to the show considering we'll be a dancer short, I was wondering if you would mind incorporating a couple of your, well, more impressive gymnastic moves, you know to liven up the stage a bit?"
"Sure, what did you have in mind?" I asked, still quite confused about what she meant.
"Well, there's this one dance sequence where the guys all walk to the back of the stage, the dancers come forward a few steps, step out, spin and do leaping splits before running back to where the guys are, who then walk back forwards...we were wondering if you would mind doing something like flips across the stage while the guys were at the back of the stage. We don't really have much time to practise, but after seeing you at rehearsal the last couple of times, I think you can probably manage it."
"Umm, sure, I'll get on it. Do the guys know?" I asked.
A smile crossed Fatima's face. "Well, perhaps we could, you know, go without telling them? They'll find out at rehearsal anyway - we'll do a full run through." The smile turned downright evil, and I smiled back.
"You know they're gonna kill both of us for this right?"
"Of course, that's half the fun!" She smiled and said goodbye. I joined the guys back on the bus.
"So, what did Tima want to talk to you about?" Kevin asked.
"Oh just something to do with you guys' fitness regime." I lied like a pro. Kevin turned back to eating, and I finished the croissant I was eating. The guys' rehearsal started at 10, so we had half an hour to waste, which we did lying around the lounge area, I made some lame excuse to Kevin about joining him at rehearsal (I'd said yesterday that I would stay on the bus while they were there), and I joined them in the stadium. It wasn't as big as the one in Paris, but I guess that's to be expected. The guys started doing their routine, and I stood by Fatima towards the edge of the stage. The guys put a lot of energy into the rehearsal, and soon the first song Fatima wanted me in came up.
"Ok, Jared, stand over by the edge of the stage, and when I nod to you, start doing back flips across the stage. Can you handle that?" I nodded and headed over. I made sure that Kevin couldn't tell what I was doing, and I stood watching Fatima. It went off exactly as she said. The guys walked to the back of the stage in time with each other, the dancers came forwards in between them, then spun, ran back, doing a high splits in the air. Tima nodded to me, and I turned and did quick back flips going straight across the stage, finishing with a high flip with a twist at the end. I thought I might as well impress if I was gonna do something like this. The guys had frozen when I turned around. They all had their eyebrows raised, and I just pointed to Fatima. They all turned to look at her. "What? Nate's injured, so I figured we could use Jared's 'talents' to make up for the lack of the dancer." They all turned back to me and smiled. They had to admit it was impressive, and I was happy to help them with it. The rehearsal went on for another hour and a half, with a break in the middle. I was in two other songs, though my parts there were somewhat smaller - one I did a running somersault in the middle of the song, and the other I literally just filled in for the dancer, and did some really basic moves for a bit of the song. Just after 12, we stopped for lunch and we ordered pizza, then ate it on the bus. Kevin and I actually fed each other some of the cheese which fell off the pizzas. I've never done anything so sappy in my life, I've never felt this linked to someone before either though. Maybe Kevin is the one I'm supposed to be with?
After lunch, we hung around a bit more. Kevin and I decided to go for a walk, but the other guys just wanted to stay in the bus. We walked through the town. Kevin looked pretty funny with his bucket hat on. He looked like a fisherman or something, except for the orange-tinted sunglasses. We were both wrapped up - it was pretty warm, I mean we are talking about somewhere in the south of France, but still, it was October, so we can't expect too much. We stopped when we reached a bridge over a wide river. I think it was the Loire, but I never could remember which river ran through Lyons... We leant over the side of the bridge and looked into the murky water below. I looked over at Kevin once or twice, and felt tears in my eyes. I can't remember why I started crying, I just remember I did. I was happy, yes, that was it. I was crying because I was so happy that Kevin was there, and I was with him. I knew then and there, that I was meant to be with Kevin, to go with him to the ends of the Earth and follow him wherever he went, even if it meant giving up everything that was me. I know that could sound a bit cheesy, or maybe a bit psychotic, depending on how you take it, but I can't explain my feelings, I can only tell you that that's what I felt. Kevin noticed I was crying and he put his hand on my back and rubbed gently.
"Jared? What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Come on Jared, please talk to me, what's the matter."
"I'm happy Kevin."
"Well, I hope you don't always burst out in tears every time you're happy, otherwise touring with you is gonna be really depressing!" He said with a smirk on his face. I smiled back through the unshed tears in my eyes.
"No Kevin, I mean I'm really happy. It's been so long since I've felt this way, it feels like there's so much inside me, I don't know what to say or do, I feel like I'm gonna explode. I love you Kevin, there's not doubt about that in my heart anymore. I want to be with you, forever, I never realised just what this ring meant to me before." I held up my hand with the thick silver band that Kevin had given me and showed it to him. He smiled back and put his arms around my shoulders. He kissed me gently on the head, in such a way that no-one around us could see. I hugged him tightly, and when I stopped crying, I pulled back. We walked back side-by-side to the bus stop and climbed on. It was already 3 o'clock and the guys had to start getting ready for sound check. The other guys fought over the bathroom, until they were all ready. Kevin and I sat in the kitchen area talking about the upcoming weeks.
"This tour is getting real old, real quick. I'm just so glad that you're here. You have no idea what you mean to me Jared. I'm so happy that you're here." He reached for my hand, and gently played with my fingers between his hands. "Are you doing ok? I mean is this getting boring always being around us and stuff - are you fitting in ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I like all the guys, though some have had problems with me." I smirked to take the sting out of my words. "I think I'm ok with Brian now, and Nick isn't really hitting on me too much anymore." I smiled up at Kevin. "And, umm, well A.J. and Howie I haven't really talked too much to." Kevin looked up confused.
"Didn't you talk to Howie yesterday when you were out shopping for three hours?" Kevin asked in an incredulous tone.
"Yeah, well, we sorta talked. He, um, seemed kinda worried, but I think it's gonna be ok."
"What? Worried about what? You being here?" Kevin was growling. "I spoke to the guys about this, I can't believe he'd get you on your own and talk to you about this!"
"Kevin! Calm down. I asked him what the matter was, and he spoke truthfully. I would never want any of them to lie about how they were feeling to spare my feelings. This is your career, and I'm not gonna drive a wedge into something you love because you think they should spare my feelings." Kevin nodded and looked down at his lap.
"Jared, I know I've told you this before, and you're probably getting pretty bored of hearing it. But I just want to say this again. I think I need you now. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here, to tell you the truth, if you left now, I think I'd probably follow you." I heard a gasp behind me. I turned around to see Howie standing in the doorway, with a confused expression on his face. He turned and left in a hurry. Everything he was worried about was true. Kevin would leave if I left.
"Shit!" I cursed loudly. I stood up, I was gonna follow him, then I decided that it would probably be better to talk to Kevin about this first. "Kevin! You don't mean that. You can't leave something like this just because of me."
"Jared will you stop this bullshit! Stop underestimating yourself and listen to me! You mean everything to me. I know we've known each other for a very short time now, but I love you Jared, I will follow you, I'll go anywhere for you." I raised an eyebrow. He blushed and then smirked, recognising the song reference.
"Kevin, I'm not leaving, no matter what happens. As much as I mean to you, you mean so much more to me. You changed my life, you turned it around, and made it liveable. I was dead on those streets, and I doubt I would have lasted much longer. Life meant shit until you turned up. That day after the first night we were together, I was praying you would call. When you didn't, I presumed you'd left, and I wanted to end it, end everything. I didn't, but I was so close. I saw you as a way out, and while that sounds really selfish, you have no idea what it was like. I never thought I'd fall in love with you so much so fast. You've come to mean everything to me Kevin, but please, consider the people you have to work with. If you leave, then it's the end of the Backstreet Boys, possibly the end of these guys' careers. Just consider that, they've every right to be worried by my presence, even scared by it. Just give them time, I'm sure they'll understand soon enough that I don't pose a threat, and I'm as concerned with how they think about me as they are about me. I want so much for them to think of me as their friend, I know you said you would follow me, but it would be hard Kevin, to leave them behind, I know you think of them as your brothers. I don't want to be the cause of any problems between you guys. Just don't bring this up again Kevin, especially in front of the guys. I know how you feel about me, and I hope you know how I feel about you, but every time you say something like you'd leave the group for me, it upsets the guys. I don't want that. You understand?" Kevin nodded and let out a sigh.
"It was pretty stupid of me, huh?" Kevin said with a slight upturning at the corner of his lips. "I should go speak to Howie." He left to go outside, where Howie had run to. The other guys started to file in and sat around the booth in the kitchen.
"Where's Kevin?" Brian asked.
"He's gone to talk to Howie."
"What about?" Should I tell Brian the truth, or lie to protect Howie? I stood to gain a lot more by telling the truth: Brian was closer to Kevin, by getting in Brian's good books, it might help my relationship with Kevin, but if I lied, it was less likely to hurt the group, which might be favourable in the long run. I shrugged.
"We're gonna head over to sound check, are you coming Jared?" I nodded and stood up. We all left the bus and made our way towards the stadium. Near the side door, we saw Kevin and Howie shouting at each other. As we came closer, what they were saying became more obvious.
"I don't care! He shouldn't be here!" Howie spat at Kevin.
"He's my boyfriend, if I want him here, he stays!"
"He's a threat! You heard what management said! He's gonna get into some picture and some journalist'll find out who he is and he'll be the end of Backstreet." Kevin stood back with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. The guys waited expectantly for him to say something. He didn't. Howie's jaw dropped.
"That's what you want isn't it?" Howie asked, stunned.
"Maybe." All the guys gasped. "Look, all I'm saying is, we've had a good run at this, and while I'm happy to carry on, we shouldn't have to be so careful anymore. We should be able to be happy. I want to be happy Howie. I won't let you, or any of these guys stand in my way." He swung his arm around indicating the guys. He walked towards me and put his arms around me. I looked over his shoulder and saw the looks on the other guys' faces. There was a look of sympathy, a look of regret, but also contempt. For me. I pushed Kevin away.
"What?" He asked looking into my eyes.
"How could you Kevin? I told you not to do this, and you go ahead and do it anyway. I haven't had friends, real friends, in a long time. I thought these guys." I motioned with my arm. "could be some of my first. Now my name means shit because of you. I hope you're happy." He looked down at the floor. "Kevin, if you leave this group on bad terms with these guys, then you will not be the person I fell in love with, and I will not be there for you no matter how far you follow me." Kevin looked up at me with tears in his eyes. I could see my words hurt him, but I hope he saw what the meaning was behind them. He nodded slightly, turned and walked to Howie. He was only a few inches away, then he hugged Howie to him. I could hear him talking into Howie's ear, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Howie relaxed visibly and finally pulled away. Kevin kissed Howie on the forehead and moved away.
"I'm sorry guys. I didn't mean what I said." His accent showed through very thickly. He must have been very upset not to be able to cover it. "Jared and I will still hide our relationship, for as long as the group sees fit. I won't leave on bad terms, like Jared said. I don't think I could look at myself in the mirror if I left knowing you guys were unhappy. I love you guys." Kevin was almost in tears. All the guys came in and hugged him. I stood back, not quite sure if I was supposed to be part of this group. I went and stood near the door. Finally, I heard them talking softly to one another, then they made their way over to the door. All the guys then hugged me, I was so happy, that they were ok with Kevin now, what he said about me, and they were ok with me. Kevin put his arms over the whole group. "Jared, you're one of us, you're our friend, and a lot more to me." Kevin said with a smirk. I was so happy I could cry, but I held it in. After a couple of minutes, Kevin pulled away. "Come on guys, we've gotta be heading in for soundcheck!" All the guys pulled back with smiles plastered all over their faces, and they filed in to the stadium.
It was a rush performing in front of all those people: the lights, the sounds, the cheering, especially after I completed a double somersault, and the guys...they were great. After the concert, I helped the dancers sort out their stuff, and once I was changed, I went back and waited for the guys. They took a long time getting ready. We weren't gonna leave until the crowds had thinned out, so we had some time to waste. About 11 they started to come out of their dressing room. Kevin was one of the last out, right before Nick, and he kissed me as we walked out the stadium towards the bus. We moved apart as we got out and approached the bus, in case any fans with cameras thought they would make the front page of the music review with a snapshot, and once we were on the bus, Kevin was all over me again.
It was almost 12, and the bus had been driving for almost an hour. Kevin and I were the only two up, and we were listening to soft music in the kitchen as we sat there drinking coffee. The music changed to a slowbeat song, and I could feel my eyes drooping. I was just about to say that we should head to bed when I noticed that Kevin was now standing beside where I was sitting in the booth.
"Dance with me." He said.
"What, here?" I asked.
"Yeah. I really wanna dance with you Jared. Please?" I was only too happy to oblige. I stood up, and we circled each others' waists in our arms. Our hips started swaying slowly to the music. He kissed me on the lips, gently. Then I rested my head down on his shoulder, and could feel myself drifting. We carried on dancing for a couple of songs at least. The streetlights outside intermittently illuminating the now dimly-lit kitchen. The darkness trailed on as we drove through the night. Kevin and I eventually retired to bed, having shared what I considered one of our most romantic experiences ever.
To Be Continued... End of Part 17.
Well, when I say 'To Be Continued', I'm not really too sure... you see, I noticed last chapter when I made a mistake, muddling I think it was Ohio and Iowa. First of all, I'd like to say that Americans muddle world geography enough that I think it's quite reasonable that we can mistake two states which quite frankly sound very similar. Secondly, I noticed that a lot of people who wrote me to say that I had made a mistake had never sent me an email before... talk about taking liberties!!! What right do you think you have to criticise someone's work when they make mistakes, when you have never even said anything to them before that? If you're gonna criticise my work, at least have the courtesy to point out the good things as well - you don't just tell me how bad my work is - you must have read 16 long chapters to get that mistake - if you've taken that much enjoyment from me, at least have the common courtesy to send some feedback! If I pointed out half the mistakes I notice in stories, whether grammatical, syntactical, or just plain absurd, half the authors in the archive would be left crying after checking their email...so don't tell me off for making a mistake without the decency to do so to everyone else, and don't send me notifications of my mistakes without first sending some sort of feedback for the other chapters, otherwise the critical emails from you will be ignored, and your email account blocked. Sorry to be so harsh, but it must be done. Don't take liberties, people don't like it! Oh by the way, I don't mean to be rude to all you people who live in Iowa and Ohio when I say that your states sound similar, but to the English ear, they do!