Hi y'all. My name is Bobby. I guess since I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I should start asking people to call me Bob. I'm a good ole southern boy, who somehow found his way to The Big Apple, New York City. I practice law in this urban jungle and I love every minute of my life. It wasn't always so!
It's a big deal, moving from a small rural town in Georgia to the big city, but it had to be done and a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do. What I had to do was get out of town as soon as I possibly could. I went to New York University for my undergraduate work, and never returned to Georgia. From New York University I went directly to law school at Columbia University, and I started to work for a large law firm right after graduation. My visits to Georgia are very limited now, and I usually go there only around Christmas time.
It wasn't my parents I wanted to get away from. It was the town. Actually my parents are great. They paid my tuition through college and law school and let me know that it was an honor for them to do so, not a burden. They always stood behind me, even when I came out to them. They were always my biggest fans and supporters. I have to wonder why.
Life was awkward for me all through elementary, middle and high school. I was skinny, short, pimply and an all around nerd. But apparently my folks loved me enough to try to keep bolstering my self esteem. I was easy pickings for every bully in school. Then in high school it became obvious to a contingent of aggressive bullies that I was gay. I hate telling about the indignities I suffered from then on. As just a single example, the worst indignity I suffered was when five big guys stripped me in the school boys' room. They all pissed on me, and one shit on me, leaving me dirty and crying on the tile floor. Are you getting a clear picture of my need to exit town and quickly?
One of my tormenters was Mike Callahan. Here's where I must make a confession and tell you my life long secret. I fell in love with Mike in kindergarten. We became friends and played together every day after school. I could never tell him how much I loved him. We remained friends until we entered high school. By that time, Mike had become a hunk and I had only grown uglier.
In high school he wanted nothing to do with me and avoided me like the plague. I couldn't have him as a lover, of course, but my fantasies ran amok. I gleefully whacked off several times a day imagining that he was fucking me or sucking me or vice versa. Oh Mike, if you ever knew what joys I could bring to your beautiful body, you might have been kinder. I have always believed that I would take this secret to the grave.
Let me tell you what happened to me once I got out of Georgia. First of all, I made it my mission in life to lose my southern accent. Then without any effort at all, I grew to be six feet two inches tall. I worked out in the gym every chance I could get, and my tall frame became hard and ripped. Best of all, my acne disappeared. The bottom line is that I became a hunk. I even played football in college. I still fantasized every night that I was in bed with Mike, but little by little the Mike fantasy stopped, and I lived in the moment. Fuck you, Mike Callahan, and eat your heart out!
I was in my twelfth year away from Georgia, and in my fifth year in the law firm. One wonderful, wonderful morning, Mr. Becker, the senior partner in the firm, called me into his office. He had me sit comfortably on the other side of his desk. He started by reciting a litany of my accomplishments and let me know how valuable I was to the firm. Then he smiled, stuck out his hand and told me that I was being offered a junior partnership. How quickly I advanced to senior partner was all up to me. Of course I thanked him profusely. Then he did something very atypical for him. When I stood up to leave, he stood up too. He threw his arms around me and gave me a bear hug. That lasted a moment and then we were all business again.
I immediately called my parents. They were thrilled for me and kept telling me how proud they were of my accomplishments. It was all I could do to get them off the phone. Then I called my very best friend, Matt Finch. His cell phone took my message and he called me back in about twenty minutes. Matt teaches drama at the City College of New York, and it seems he's always in class when I call. Matt said that my news called for a celebration ON HIM, and we agreed to meet at our favorite watering hole at 9 PM. Unfortunately, he had a rehearsal of a Tennessee Williams play that his drama students were preparing for presentation. He hoped he could make it by nine, or 9:30 at the latest, he promised.
Let me digress a moment and tell you about Matt. I met Matt in my first class on my first day at NYU. I was still the nerdy hick from Georgia and Matt was a bit of an outcast himself. He stood about 5'9" tall and was a good fifteen pounds overweight, but not fat. He was far from handsome, but he wasn't ugly either. What he lacked in physical appearance he made up in personality. I myself never had that ability. His face bore a perpetual smile which formed the cutest dimples. He was upbeat and brought everyone around him up to his level. He was sharp and witty and became popular even though he had been shunned in high school just as I had been. I became more popular just by associating with him.
We both lingered a moment after class that first day. I know for sure we recognized each other as kindred outcast souls. We introduced each other and simply said, "See ya tomorrow." It was a very unpromising beginning.
Matt and I spoke to each other for a few minutes every day before and after class for about the first five weeks. Then we would go our separate ways. Finally one day, I screwed up my courage and asked Matt if he would like to have a drink with me this evening and maybe a burger at Burger King. His eyes just illuminated and I could see the light of his joy diffuse through his whole body. At that moment this chubby little guy looked as cute as any guy I had ever fantasized about. "Easy Bob," I had to tell myself. "He's straight!"
From that day on, we saw a lot of each other. We had our fast food dinners together almost every night; had an occasional drink at a local pub; studied together in the school library; and then returned to our separate dorm rooms.
After the first semester my room mate dropped out of school and Matt was able to move in with me. It was a great move for both of us because we had become best friends. We got to see each other naked since we both slept in the buff. He was nothing special. If anything, he was a little below average. But I got to see his morning woodies and realized that he grew substantially to a very respectable size. I was at least half again larger than he and we joked about it a lot. By the way we were both circumcised. What I loved most about him were his love handles. I began to fantasize making love to Matt and squeezing his love handles as I shot my load. It was an effort to force myself to give up thinking that way about him.
One fateful day Matt told me that he had been invited to a friend's birthday party and he couldn't have dinner with me that night. I myself could not get over how lost I felt. I asked Matt if there was any chance I could tag along, and he said that it would not be possible this time. I asked why, and he said that he would tell me someday, but not tonight.
After Matt left I was feeling pretty lonely. At this time I had not yet had any sexual experiences with a male or a female for that matter. Through the grapevine I had heard about a gay bar not too far from the university. At this point I didn't care if I ran into any students I knew. I was ready to come out and lose my virginity. I dressed in what I thought was appropriate attire for a gay bar, a tee shirt with cut off sleeves, a pair of tight jeans and flip flops. I put on a stylish leather jacket, and off I went to The University Club.
The place was dimly lit and I had to stand just inside the entrance for a while until my eyes became accustomed to the dark. I finally spotted what appeared to be the bar and I meandered over to it. At this point in my life I was almost full grown, but I was still a skinny bean pole. I still had acne and I still wore glasses. Contacts were in my future. I found a seat at the bar and ordered a gin and tonic. The bartender carded me. Nobody was pushing through the crowd trying to meet me so I sat quietly by myself looking around and getting a sense of New York's "gay scene."
After awhile I heard a lot of laughter coming from a large table not too far from the bar. I looked over and saw about ten guys seated around the table. One of them was opening gifts. Obviously it was a birthday party, and all the gifts were gags. With each opening they all burst into laughter. After opening each gift, the birthday boy got up and kissed the gift's giver.
The fifth gift he opened turned out to be an oversized dildo. It was at least a foot long and as wide around as a good size salami. Everyone at the table was hysterical and I laughed too. The birthday boy got up and walked over to the friend who had given him the dildo and my heart stopped beating. It was Matt.
Dear sweet Matt. Dear unattractive Matt. Dear man, who had grown to mean so much to me, Matt was gay. I realized that he thought I was straight, and that's why he didn't want me tagging along this evening. I panicked and ran from the bar and straight back to our room. I was in a dilemma. Should I tell him that I knew or should I wait for him to come out to me? Should I come out to him?
I ran to the showers and let the hot water cleanse my body as if my mind could be cleansed also, and I would somehow know what to do. When Matt came home, just a wee bit tipsy, I said and did nothing, and life continued as it had. We were still just good friends.
I could not live much longer knowing he was gay, wanting him, and doing nothing about it. Every night as he lay snoring lightly in the bed across the room from me, I began to fantasize making love to him. My cock would rise to the occasion and as silently as possible, I whacked off, catching my jism in some paper toweling I had put under my pillow. If Matt ever jacked off, I was unaware of it. I never heard him or caught him at it. I shouldn't be surprised. I was being just as cautious.
One night madness came over me. I heard his near quiet snoring, and knew he was asleep. I got out of bed and crept cautiously into his bed. There was hardly room for both of us. I nestled against him like two spoons in a drawer. My hard cock pressed against his naked ass and my arm went around him. I took this opportunity to squeeze his adorable love handles ever so lightly. Then I reached further down and wrapped my hand around his limp cock. I thought he was still asleep but I heard him murmur, "Thank you, Lord."
We both fell asleep that way and never even made love that night, but oh, the next morning we consummated our love and I have never looked back since. We missed our morning classes in favor of sucking and fucking until we were so exhausted we missed our afternoon classes as well. Thinking back on it now, I am grateful that my first time was with such a caring and thoughtful lover as my Matt.
As long as I am in a confessing mood, I must confess that the first couple of times I made love to Matt, I fantasized that he was Mike Callahan. As my love for Matt grew exponentially, that fantasy disappeared forever.
The night of my promotion, I changed into my "bar attire" and started out for The University Club. Matt and I had agreed to meet at the bar so when I got there I knew immediately that I had arrived first. If I knew Matt, and I knew him well, I would be lucky if he showed up before 10:30. Things were so different for me now at the Club. Friends kept coming over to give me a kiss or a hug or both and to ask me how I was doing.
I headed for the bar, and I tried to save the seat next to me for Matt. Good looking guys kept coming over trying to put the make on me, but I told them all to buzz off. I was waiting for a friend. In the darkened room, I couldn't see any of them until they actually sat down next to me. Then I heard a voice say, "Hey handsome, are you alone?"
My brain began to clang. I knew that voice, knew it well, right down to the southern drawl, but I couldn't place it. I looked up and right into the eyes of Mike Callahan. I would know him anywhere. He was as handsome as ever. His blue eyes were piercing right through my heart, which was being challenged to continue beating.
"Yes, I'm alone," I said, and he sat down in the seat I was holding for Matt.
"Can I buy you a drink?" he offered me.
"Not yet," I answered. "I'm still nursing this one. You don't recognize me do you?" I asked.
"No. Should I? Did we ever get together?"
"Hardly," I answered and began to laugh. "Think back to high school. Do you remember Bobby Rogers?"
"A sneer came across Mike's face. "Sure I do," he said. "What an ugly little nerd. Did you know him too?"
"Pretty well," I answered. "You're talking to him." I wish I could have photographed the look on Mike's face at that moment.
"I don't believe it," he finally managed to say. "When I knew you in high school you were skinny and pimply faced. Now you look like a Greek God. You are so hot, man. The transition is remarkable."
"I know," I answered. "I'm at least a foot taller. In college I started exercising and I lived on protein diets. You didn't know me in college, but I played football there." Mike looked at me in astonished awe.
"Why did you stop being my friend back then?" I asked. "I really had the hots for you."
"I must have been a major jerk," Mike answered. "You know there's a lot of peer pressure in high school. If I was to remain with the in group, there was no room for you." He said that as if it was a universal truth.
"Hey, that's all water under the bridge," I declared. "Let's talk about now."
"You grew up to be one hot dude, Bobby," Mike said. Then with a wink of his eye he added. "I saw your tiny weenie in the boys' room, but I'd sure like to see that cock of yours now."
"There's an empty table over there. Let's grab it," I said, "then you can reach under the table and feel for yourself, handsome. Nobody will see and if they did, they wouldn't care. Not in this joint anyway." We sat down at the table and Mike lost no time in taking me up on my offer. When he managed to get my cock out through my fly it was hard and throbbing with desire. I hated myself for it, but I realized that I was still hot for Mike.
Mike's eyes got a look of pleading in them, and he said, "Let's go someplace where we can do this right."
"My cock is so hard, I'll never be able to stand up," I replied. "Let's just sit here for awhile and talk a bit. Tell me what you would like us to do together, handsome."
Mike giggled. Under the table he continued to stroke my exposed cock.
"That's nice," I said, "but I don't want to start something here in a public place. I still want to know what you would like us to do."
Mike giggled again. The question had made him very self conscious, but he cleared his throat and said, "I want us to suck each other and fuck each other, but not in ordinary ways. I want us to find new and innovative ways to do it. Oh Bobby, you are the hottest guy I have ever seen. I can't wait for us to fuck our brains out together. I thank the gods that we ran into each other again. Please let's get out of here before I explode."
"Don't be so impatient. The night is young," I said.
"I'll try to be patient, but it's going to be hard," Mike replied.
Just then Matt approached the table and called out to me. I jumped up and embraced him. Mike was confused and appalled. The guy I kissed was overweight by at least twenty pounds, and worst of all, he was balding. His face was very plain, and he had a couple of zits on his forehead. He had obviously come from work because he was wearing a tie. For some reason it irked Mike that the man seemed to be successful. Mike wondered why the hell a hot looking guy like me was being so nice to this loser. He sat back and waited for me to get rid of him. He hoped I would fail to introduce him to this freak.
I looked at Mike with a sly smile and said, "I'd like you to meet my partner, Matt. I love him for every bit of the man he is, and for the beauty that is inside of him. I couldn't exist without this man. I hope someday you can learn to look inside a man's soul to find his beauty, and not just judge him by his physical appearance."
Mike's jaw dropped down. He actually said, "No way! You're pulling my leg."
In answer to that insult, Matt and I walked away from Mike, heading for a group of men that Mike had always considered to be an elite bunch of hunks. He had been trying to crash their enclave forever, but they didn't seem to want to let him in. He watched as everyone in the group embraced Matt and me. He kept his eyes on us all evening and his whole body cringed when the entire group raised their champagne glasses to toast me on my promotion and my success.
I would like to think that Mike learned a lesson that night and that he will someday be able to find true love. I tell you this in all sincerity. I wish him no ill will.