I decide to have a celebratory bowl of cookies 'n' cream ice cream. As I'm enjoying it, the phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Uh, hi, Jesse?" A familiar voice says.
"Yeah?"
"Hey man, how's it going?"
"It's going fine. How are you...Mark?"
"Yeah, it's Mark." he says sheepishly. "I'm doing good. It's good to hear your voice again."
I pause, unsure of what to say. What the hell could he possibly want? He senses the discomfort, clears his throat, and continues.
"I hope you don't mind that I called. I, uh, got your number from your brother."
Memo to self: kill Josh.
"Oh? Well, you went through that much trouble to find me, so what can I do for you?" I say, sincerely. I'm over being mad at him.
"Well, the fact is, Jess, I uh, oh man, this is hard." he stammers. I'm marveling. Mark's never had trouble talking to anyone as far as I could tell.
"Well, just spill it, man. I mean, whatever it is, it can't be the end of the world, you know?"
He sighs. "You're right. OK. Well, the fact is, I've had a lot of trouble since the company let me go, in keeping a job, I mean. I've not been able to find anything that I've enjoyed. Everything is so dead-end, and I was wondering, or hoping, that maybe you could find a place for me to work in your foundation?"
My eyebrows go up. "My foundation? How'd you know about that?
"I saw something about it in the back of the "Riverfront Times." You have a small ad back there."
Again, I'm surprised.
"Really? I didn't know that. Shows you how close I watch the people working for me," I say with a chuckle. "But how'd you know it was connected with ME?"
"I called the number." he replies.
I pace a little, trying to grasp this. It's so out of the blue...
"Uh, look, if you don't want me to be there, I understand, you know, I just thought I'd take a shot..."
"No, no, it's not that, Mark. I'm sorry, this is all so sudden, I'm just trying to get a grip on this. See, I don't do much with the organization at the moment. I've got good people under me who do a great job. Tell you what, let me check in with the office and see what's going on, and I can get back to you, ok? I know you got talent where the computers are concerned, and I think we're forming a team for that now."
A rush of air that must be a sigh of relief comes over my earpiece. "Jess, man, that would be great. I'd really appreciate it!"
"No problem, man. I'll call my people and get back with you. Give me your number."
He gives me his cell phone, and we say our goodbyes. I then dial "my people."
"Hey mom? Yeah, how are ya? Listen, I know that we're still forming an IT team to get the web-based stuff set up. Do you still need a web person? Uh huh. Yeah. Great...I may have someone for you. I'll interview him and ....yeah. Ok...bye. I love you too. Bye."
I call Mark back, and we set up a meeting for later this evening over dinner. I'm a big believer in the casual interview. Corporate America makes it hard enough, and I've vowed (and informed ALL who work for me) that we will NOT be Corporate America, but always for the people.
That night, we meet up at the new Macaroni Grill near the South County Mall.
As usual, it's an hour's wait, so we decide to have a drink at the bar. I decide now is as good a time as any to discuss the job, so I give him our details, find out what he's interested in, and ironically, or maybe it's fate?, it seems that we have a good match. I tell him the pay won't be close to what it was at that communications company, and we do the best we can on benefits, but he says that's fine. But, there still is one issue...
"OK, Mark, I'm going to lay it on the line here. I think that job-wise, you're a perfect fit for us. But, I think we better talk about our past situation. I mean, how's that going to affect things? Can you work for me, despite our problems we had?"
"Jess, I've gotta tell you, I've been rehearsing for that exact question since this morning. Fact is, I know that what happened can't be changed, and the fact that you've even come this far with me tells me a lot. It tells me that you're over it, and over me. I'd like to work for you because I believe totally in what you're doing. I think it's awesome, and it's time I start living for other people and not just myself. Plus, I think the small office atmosphere is going to be better than any of the jobs I've had since we split."
Split. Ironic...were we ever TOGETHER? I swallow the question. "Well, good. I'm over being angry and hurt, yes. And, of course, the thing is, you won't be working directly for me, but someone else, so that's cool too."
I smile, and he returns it, and I suddenly remember back to that first day outside our former building...the brief conflict with Vic...and then in the parking garage. Little Jesse perks up a little, but I tell him to hush and go back to sleep. Luckily, the host comes over and says our table is ready.
Once our order is taken, we have a glass of wine, and as usual, it relaxes me a bit. He starts relaying all of his misadventures since we had last contact, and I politely listen, but I admit I'm starting to study him closely. Of course, he thinks I'm just focusing on his conversation. It suddenly strikes me how he sort of resembles Jake Gyllenhaal. Same blue eyes, and...oh! He cut his hair shorter. Not quite Marine, but the close cut that is so popular. He may have lost a little weight, but he still has the build....oh man, here goes Little Jesse again....
"...so I told the boss to .... what?"
His sudden stop in his conversation jerks me back to reality.
"What what?" I ask, blushing...I can feel it. DAMMIT.
He breaks into a grin. "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" he asks conspiratorially. BUSTED.
"What do you mean? I've heard every word. I've sat here looking at you..." I stop. It sounds lame even as I say it.
Mark glances down at his empty plate, blushing a little himself. "Yeah, but the look you had in your eyes, well..." he stops too.
BUSTED.
He glances up, his eyes moist. "Jesse, I'm going to go out on a limb and risk everything, but...I want to tell you that I've not been able to stop thinking about you, even after we broke off our friendship."
I glance down, unsure of what to say. Clearing my throat, I admit it. "I'm not sure what to say. What are you saying to me?"
He glances back down. "I'm saying....that if you're willing, I'd like to try again....us...being together." He pauses, but then hastily adds "But this time do it right....no rushing into anything."
I glance around, avoiding his eyes. "Mark, I don't know...the whole Vic thing...just..."
"OK, I understand. But, I'll tell you, completely honestly here...that there is NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE in my life right now. I've not had a boyfriend or a sex partner, or any kind of partner since Vic." He sighs. Glances around himself, then focuses back to me. "Jess, when we started up, I was so interested in you, but I had a lot of baggage I was still hanging on to. I've grown in the last two years. I've seen a counselor, and she was a BIG help in getting me to love myself. I never had that. The confidence you thought you saw in me was all a big lie, even to me. And once I realized that...no let me finish...once I realized that, I saw that what's missing in my life is someone to SHARE my life, and to be committed to each other." He stops, waiting for my next move.
I study his face. He seems sincere. He hurt me. Yes, ok...but...oh my gosh. Realization sets in on me too.
"Wow....I just realized something."
"What's that, bud?" he replies.
"You know, all this time I was accusing you of being a little cheat and stuff, and something you just said made me realize that I wasn't in the best of places in my life either. I mean, I was going through a divorce, and accepting myself as a gay man, and coming out, and..." I stop...unsure of where to go with this. Mark helps me out.
"...and now you've stabilized your life, you've had a few dates and relationships, and maybe you're ready for something more stable and solid in your life too?"
I nod slowly, as light dawns on marble head..."Yeah..I think so!"
He smiles, reaches over and puts his hand over mine. "Hi, I'm Mark Bradford. It's great to meet you."
Oh I get it...starting over...
"Hey Mark, Jesse Corey. Nice to meet you too." We smile at each other.
Dinner continues, when the food finally arrives, and we talk about the foundation and what we've accomplished so far. Mark maps out some good ideas for a web-based application that will allow online contributions as well as newsletters and stuff. I can't wait to see what he does with it. Mom will be happy too. She loves that kind of stuff.
We finish up dinner, and walk to our cars. He still has that same Alero. The one I was in ...how long ago was that? Two years???? We pause, that awkward moment that no one is sure what the other wants to do.
"Well, listen," I say as I extend my hand, "Welcome to the Corey Foundation.
We're pleased to have you on board." I say with a smile. Mark returns my handshake.
"Thank you, sir, I'm looking forward to getting started. Tomorrow?"
Huh?? "Tomorrow...what?" I say, obviously confused.
"Tomorrow I start work?"
"Oh!" I let out a little laugh. "Yeah, that'd be good. If you have a laptop, you might want to bring it until we can purchase equipment for you. That'll be one thing we'll need to do is assess our needs for systems."
"Oh great! That'll be fun to do, too."
"My mom is basically office manager, but you know what, I think I will have you report to me. We have a couple of junior guys who are "IT" right now, but I think your experience beats theirs, so you'll probably end up managing them, ok?"
He laughs. "Wow, a promotion already?"
"No," I say seriously. "I mean, we're just forming all of this, so I just placed you. And Mark, we have to keep business in business, and personal has to stay personal. There cannot be any mixing of the two, ok?"
He gets it right away. "Right...I understand. Business will be business, no matter what."
"Fine! Then, uh, I guess I'll talk to you later?" I say.
He nods. "OK...I'll see you tomorrow then!"
We shake hands again and we drive off our separate ways.
Upon arriving home, the phone's ringing as I walk in the door. It's Mark! My heart jumps with excitement.
"Hey! When you said you'd talk to me later, you didn't expect me to call, huh?" he says with a laugh.
"Well, no, but I'm glad you called." I begin stripping down. I love cordless phones.
"I just wanted to talk to you some more, but I didn't want to pressure you, so I figured a phone call would be safe." he replies.
"Sure...what's up?"
"Well, I just wanted to see how you felt about...things. I mean, are we like officially dating here? Any second thoughts?"
"No...no second thoughts. I think that this might be the start of something really nice." I tell him with confidence. "I just think we need to really get to know each other before we just get all physical and stuff."
"Cool by me, Jess. I really am happy with how things turned out. And I'm willing to do what ever I need to earn your trust in me again."
I am shocked at that. I didn't even realize I still had trust issues, which I think I do.
"That's good to know. It'll take time, but not necessarily a LONG time. You know? Our situations are different now, so maybe that'll help."
"Exactly." he agrees.
"So, what DID finally happen to Vic?" I ask.
"Oh him. Well, he crossed the wrong wife. She caught her husband and Vic together in their bed. BIG mistake. She is a county police officer. So she drummed up some charges which were clearly bogus and at least made him go through the system until the judge threw it out of court. He pretty much moved away from the area, and good riddance. Jesse, he beat me a couple of times."
"Oh my god. I'm sorry to hear that. But at least he's gone now."
"Yeah. I have a restraining order against him, but my friend Bill -- who is like 6 feet tall and 300 pounds--threatened to do more than just run him in if he ever touched me again. Bill's gay, but we're just buddies."
And our conversation goes on along those lines. After we hang up, I go out onto the deck and look at the stars, wondering what secrets they hold for my future. Not that I'm astrologically oriented. But, they seem like they hold those secrets.
Before we hung up, though, we set up a date for after work tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it. Ironically, neither of us said one word sexual to each other. Of course, now I'm thinking about it, because from what I remember, his parts were quite beautiful. I sit at my iron table on the deck and relax into some deep thinking. I guess I now have a boyfriend. Why does that both excite and worry me? The stars tell me 'maybe because you're over-analyzing it. Take one day at a time.'
I decide to listen and realize that's sound advice. So, we'll see what tomorrow holds...
To be continued...
Could this finally be the one for Jesse, despite what happened in their pasts? Time will tell... :)