Of Carlos

"Of Carlos" Part Four

And now back to our program.

Apologies for the terribly lengthy delay - my life turned upside down several times. Back on track now. Also, apologies to anyone who wrote to the old email address - you can feel free to now write me at a slightly modified version:

brenclar2@yahoo.com

Any and all comments welcomed and encouraged, especially now that I'm a little stuck on what happens next. I've got some ideas, but I was more like Jose and John - I knew I was queer at puberty. Never was in a position like Carlos (heh - well, not his mental position anyway). Any input appreciated.

Disclaimer: This is a work of gay male fiction with graphic sexual descriptions. If for some reason you shouldn't be here - whether you are underage or it is just plain illegal where you are - may I recommend doing a web search on your own name. Nothing like a vanity search to liven up your web activities.

There is no mention in my little fantasy world of condoms or any other aspect of safe sex, since that is how I would prefer real life really was. Remember, this is fiction. Please play safe in your own activities.

All rights reserved. No portion of this text may be published or re-distributed beyond the Nifty site and a personal copy for the reader's own collection, if s/he so desires..

Jose sighed when he read the note. "Well, what did we expect? To find him baking a rainbow cake for all three of us?"

"Ugh. I hope not."

"You knew you were gay at puberty, right?"

"Yeah."

"Me too. Carlos spent those same years pretty sure he was straight - which he very well still may be, but... oh, he'll be alright." He paused. "So. What about you. Carlos put on a pretty good show for us last night. I can't deny that I'm a little concerned that your interest in him is about to re- blossom."

"Oh, Jose. Come on. Carlos may be questioning his sexuality - or maybe not - but that doesn't mean I'm going to go rushing back to stare at him and moon over him all over again. He's very beautiful, yes, and last night scratched a certain itch, but that's that. Besides, I've got you now. What else do I need?" I thought for a second. "But damn, when he was sitting there wide- eyed with his dick dripping like a faucet and pointing straight up, I just about had a heart attack."

I looked up at Jose and we both broke into loud laughter. "No shit man, I thought he was going to blow his load without anybody touching anything... oh my God, what a sight." We both laughed as we relived the memory until we finally quieted down again. "Well, now it's in Carlos' hands. He's smart enough to come talk to us if he wants to. Let's not worry about it until he comes home."

"Good plan. So what do you want to do today?"

"Nothing. Why don't we just hang out here, rent some movies. I'm pretty wiped from last night."

"Me too. Sounds good."

We spent the rest of the day on the couch, alternately watching movies and napping lightly. Around seven I started to worry about Carlos. "Umm, Jose?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you worried?"

"Well... a little, but it's still too early to get hysterical. He'll be okay. Trust me."

By the second night I was really worried. Jose was too, but he was doing his best to not let it show. We decided to give him until morning, then we'd try his cell phone.

As we climbed into bed I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Jose, what if we really blew it? I mean, what if that whole thing really screwed up his head?"

"I don't know. I was pretty sure he could handle it, but I guess I have to admit I'm really not so sure now."

"So what do we do?"

"We wait until morning like we agreed. If we don't hear anything from him by then, we'll try to call him."

Both of us were a little too distracted to fool around, so we lay quietly staring into the night and worried about what we might have caused with Carlos. Eventually I felt my eyelids get heavy and I drifted off to sleep with Jose holing me tightly to him.

I woke with a start what seemed like only minutes later. Jose must have been already awake, for he said "Carlos just came in." He leaned up to look at his clock. "It's 3:30."

"Really?" I was beyond relieved.

"Well, either that or we're about to be robbed." We both listened intently as light footsteps padded around a bit. We hear Carlos' door open then close. Well, he didn't seem upset. There would have been a lot of door slamming if he was. I drifted off to a much deeper sleep - we hadn't been all too restful the last new nights. Next morning Jose and I went out at the break of dawn and sat expectantly at the kitchen table - although we were both trying to pass ourselves off as having a normal morning. Eventually Carlos emerged from his bedroom, already dressed for the day ahead.

"Good morning, Carlos."

"Good morning." He quickly grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and was out the door.

Jose and I exchanged a glance and both shrugged. We had concluded that we weren't going to get into it unless Carlos decided he wanted to. We started this whole thing; we had to accept whatever consequences came our way.

That day went by very quietly. Carlos came home after his last class and didn't speak at all. I regretted feeling like I had to walk around on eggshells, as did Jose. Late that afternoon Jose was teaching me Photoshop while Carlos silently watched TV.

"Hey, Carlos, where'd they bury the paint bucket on this new version of Photoshop?"

"I don't know."

Jose looked at me and mouthed 'bullshit'.

"Carlos. Either there's something to talk about or there's nothing to talk about, but you don't need to be the ice king around here."

"Thank you for not saying 'ice queen'." Carlos turned off the TV and turned to face us. "So."

Uh-oh. Here it comes.

"What was that all about?"

I looked up from the computer. Jose regarded Carlos evenly, than asked "What?"

"Don't do that. You know what I'm talking about."

"Well, I had fun. Beats masturbating, and with the luck you've had on your dates lately..."

"That's something else. I mean, why did you think that I would want to do those things?"

"You did them, I didn't hear you object..."

"Why didn't you talk to me? Why the ambush?"

"Talk? What for? If I had given you a moment rationalize it, you never would have gone for it."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, probably not. I didn't want to, but..."

I piped in. "But we didn't force you. You did anyway."

"Yeah. I did." Carlos stared out the window for a long time.

"I'm scared."

I could see that one coming, but asked anyway: "Of what?"

"What this means."

Jose sighed. "Carlos, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. You want the absolute truth? Yes. John and I speculated about your sexuality, and were curious how you'd react. So we decided to find out. People fuck all the time. Straight guys do things with guys all the time. Doesn't have to mean anything."

"It's more than that. When I came in and saw the two of you there on the floor it turned me on more than anything I could imagine."

"We were naked and fucking! So you got hot and bothered! So what? I've seen straight porn that got me so worked up..."

"So now you're trying to convince me that I'm not gay? You guys are playing a dirty game."

"It's not a game, you know that. You're missing the point, Carlos. We're not trying to convince you of anything. John and I did what we did because we wanted to. If you'd gone to your room and closed the door, that would have been the end of it. We weren't going to jump you or anything. But, we've both had our sweaty fantasies with you in them, don't pretend you didn't know that."

That got a grin out of Carlos. Thank goodness.

"I mean, it sure seemed to me like you enjoyed it, but big deal! That doesn't mean you need to stitch a pink triangle on your jacket. We all had fun that had been simmering under the surface for a while. But it's not going to happen again, either. That part's done. So, either you are worried that you want to have another round with another guy, or - well - there isn't a problem, and we all get on with our lives."

Carlos looked a little bothered by this. "So it was just sex?"

I was worried about where this was going. "Yeah, it was, but I want you to know - Jose, I think you're on the same page - that it was not only because of my curiosity, but because I love you and trust you."

"I... well, I don't, uh... yeah, I love you guys too. But this seems kind of, you know... cheap."

Jose rolled his eyes. "Is that so. I suppose you've forgotten all about Jen, who sang like an angel while you had your wicked way with her, but was never to be heard from again. I don't think there is any room here for discussion of whose behavior is cheap and whose isn't."

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing. Think of it this way. John and I are on our way to building a relationship, one that I'm hoping will be based on love and trust. Still, we made a choice, and - I'm not ashamed of this! - wanted to get into your pants, even just once. I won't deny it. I won't speak for John, but I know that part of me really, really wanted to fuck you. Just for the pleasure of making you want it." Carlos winced a little at that statement, understandably given the situation. "Tell him, John."

"Well, yeah. It's true. I desperately wanted to know what it was like to take you in my mouth."

Carlos looked more confused than when we started.

"And that means nothing to the two of you?"

"Come on Carlos, you're dwelling on this too much. It was a hot, hot time that I'll be reliving mentally more than a few times during my life. But I'm committed to John, and don't want to confuse things by pursuing this any further. However, it is time for the big question. Do you think you might be interested in other guys?"

There was a really, really long pause.

"Maybe."

"Well. You know that you can talk to either of us. Or if that doesn't work, there are other people you can talk to. I don't want you to be all screwed in the head over this, but I do feel like it's our fault."

"Oh, no, I don't blame you. I didn't have to stick around. But there was something else there... umm, well... I don't know what to think next."

I knew exactly what he meant. "Then don't. Watch a stupid movie or make some art of something. Think about it later. Or don't."

"You're right. Umm... I think I'm going to go take a walk. I'll see you later, alright?"

I had to lay into him about one thing. "Sure, Carlos. Sounds good. But look. I was really fucking worried when you vanished for two days. Please don't do that to me again."

"Or me." Jose had a deadly serious look in his eye.

"Sorry. I had a lot going on in my head. I know you guys look after me. I promise I won't do it again."

"Thank you. See ya, Carlos."

"Later."

Carlos went to his room, changed his clothes, and headed out.

Jose watched Carlos leave and stared at the door for a while. He finally snapped out of it. "Well, that was interesting."

"I'll say. But I think he'll be alright. Don't you?"

"Oh, sure. I think he at least knows he's safe talking to us when he needs to. We're not going to judge him, nor are we going to rip off his clothes if he relaxes about his sexuality." Jose got up and headed for the bathroom.

"Well, we'll see. You know, I'm hungry as hell. Do you want anything?"

"Definitely. Just get a large from Sophia's."

"Will do." I called them up and placed the order, then sat back to smoke a little of a joint that was sitting on the coffee table. Jose must have heard the lighter strike.

"Save some for me!"

"Of course." I could see him coming back down the hall out of my periphery vision, but was not quite prepared for the sight that greeted me when I turned my head.

"What were you saying about being hungry?" Jose was standing next to me wearing nothing but a shit-eating grin and a hard-on that would frighten farm animals. As he reached down to grab the joint out of my immobile hand, a single pearl of fluid emerged from the head of his beautiful dick. He took a big hit, passed it back to me, then moved to stand directly over me, his strong legs on either side of my seated ones. He presented himself to me while he exhaled slowly. You don't have to ask me twice. I leaned forward, ready to take him into my mouth.

Jose had different ideas. Just as I was about to touch my tongue to him, he placed his head on my hand and held me back ever-so-gently. He looked down at me like a father who just caught his son smoking. "Do you realize what you're about to do?" So he had listened to me before. This was going to be good.

"I dream about what I'm about to do."

"Why? Why would you want to take another man's dick into your mouth? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

"I would be ashamed to take just any man's dick into my mouth. That isn't the case here."

"So you don't just like to suck dick? What is it that you really want?"

I lunged slightly to swipe the head with my tongue before he succeeded in holding me back. Jose sucked in his breath sharply through his teeth at my quick assault. "I want to show you just how much I worship you. I want to bring you pleasure one of the best ways I know how. By focusing all my attention on your beautiful dick, what some consider the most powerful part of a man. I want to feel your power. I'll beg for it if you want me to."

"You already did." With that he let go of my head. I was so worked up that I took as much of him into my mouth as I could. I wanted to suck on him until he was begging me to stop. I meant everything that I said. I wanted him to be a part of me in one of the most intimate ways I knew how.

Jose continued to stand, his legs spread far apart. As I worked my way up and down his shaft - tasting here, licking there - he started to lean first his head, then his whole torso back so that his leg muscles stood out in full relief and his complete strength was on display. Leaning farther back his crotch was pushed forward. His eyes drifted closed and his mouth dropped open. He was making the love I was showing him and his body the center of our entire world and I could not have been happier. I silently promised him and myself that nothing would ever stop us from sharing each other the way that we were right now.

I stepped up the attention I was showing his magnificent dick. Wrapping my right hand around his shaft and slowly milking him up and down, I turned my attention to just the head. I could taste the fluid that would leak out occasionally and gently prodded his slit for more. Jose gasped though his teeth again and I stepped up the rhythm.

"Oh god John, you make me feel so fucking good. Yeah, that is so good." I stepped things up yet again and Jose started swaying slightly in time to my strokes and tastes. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as his thighs tensed and relaxed with each movement. He shuddered a little and I knew he was getting close. Finally I went for broke and sucked him into my mouth as much as I could handle, licking all around his head with every movement. That was all it took for Jose. He bucked hard, his thighs and stomach bulging with power, and I was rewarded for my efforts with an amazing rush of fluid that coated my mouth and throat. A few more bursts and Jose relaxed. He collapsed on the couch next to me.

"Oh John. John, John, John. You have no idea what that's like."

"I do it all for you. Only for you. Because I love you."

"I love you too." He pushed his fingers under my waistband and started to rub right above my dick.

"Jose, I'd never say no to you, but why don't we wait. The food should be here any minute and I'd hate to get caught in the middle of something that good."

Jose sighed. "You're right. Why don't I go get cleaned up." With that he walked off and I watched his beautiful form stroll down the hall towards the bathroom. Right before he went through the door he turned back, caught me watching, and flashed his biggest smile. "I love knowing that you watch me like that."

"You know it. Now get dressed."

Not two minutes later there was a ring at the buzzer just as Jose had finished tidying up and reemerged. He went to the intercom to answer it.

"Yeah?"

"Sophia's"

"Yeah, come on up. Second floor."

Jose opened the door, and the delivery guy - a handsome Lebanese man, probably around twenty - handed the bill to him and asked "No Mr. Carlos tonight?"

"He went out somewhere."

"Oh. You will tell him I said hello?

"And you are?"

"Ali. He orders from us all the time."

Jose looked over at me and shook his head. "Told you. Lousy cook." He handed a few bills to Ali and took the food from him. "I'll tell him you said hello. Good night."

"Thank you. Good night."

Jose brought the food into the living room and I got up to get some plates and napkins. "Uh, Jose?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you see that?"

"See what?"

"You know, Ali."

"Listen to you. You got the hots for the pizza boy? What, are we in some cheap porno flick now?"

"No, but I'm willing to bet he has the hots for Mr. Carlos."

Jose slowly turned and looked at me as I walked back into the living room. "Oh, no..."

"You missed it while you were digging around in your wallet. When you said that Carlos was out somewhere, Ali's face dropped about a foot. His expression changed completely. He was probably looking forward to saying hello himself..."

"I'll be damned..."

"Figures. I spend every day since puberty praying for the day that I would find someone for me. The day that twerp gets some clue that he might be queer, he's got some nice-looking guy already lined up, literally at his door. And it's the goddamn pizza guy. How cliched is that?"

Jose raised his eyebrow at me. "Don't get all excited. Maybe Carlos is just a good tipper."

"So are you, but that smile never returned after you paid him."

"Relax, Matchmaker. That's Carlos' business."

"Oh, alright. But Ali was awfully good looking..."

Jose turned towards me and smiled a little. "Enough. The food's getting cold."

Carlos got home about an hour later and starting searching the refrigerator. "I can smell the pizza. Damn. Nothing left?"

"Nope," I said, "But I'm sure they appreciate our repeat business." Jose shot me a look.

"Probably. You guys want anything?"

"No thanks."

Carlos called up Sophia's and placed his order, then came to join us in the living room. "Damn, Jose. It's hot as hell. Do you think we could turn on the A/C, even just a little bit?" He stripped off his T-shirt as he said this. Neither Jose nor I could help but notice a quick, cautious look in our direction.

"Oh, alright. Just for half an hour. And no, we're not going to blow a load just because you take your shirt off." Jose got up to switch on the unit under the window.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. But, you know... never mind. You're right. My mistake." Carlos looked like he was struggling with something, and then said, "So, uh, how did you guys know that you were... you know..."

"Art majors?" I asked.

"Passionate about pasta with pesto?" Jose chimed in. Carlos started to roll his eyes.

"Never, ever going to believe that it's not butter?"

"Come on! You guys said I could talk to you. You're not making this very easy."

"Sorry, Carlos. You're right. Well, for me it was when I was about 12 years old. When all the other boys started drooling over tits, I didn't. I won't get into exactly what I was drooling over; you can imagine."

"I can imagine. You, Jose?"

"Same thing, pretty much."

Carlos frowned. "So that was it? Body parts?"

"Well, basically, at first. But if you're asking how I know it's something more than just sexual curiosity - well, that came with time. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I wanted to have pretty much what married couples do, just with another guy."

"Don't most gay guys just want to fuck around?"

"How many gay men do you know?"

"Well, including you two? I don't know, maybe four."

"And what other conversation, besides talking to me and John, have you had about it?"

"Well..."

I wasn't surprised. The way TV brainwashes people is simply astounding. I had to tell him "don't believe everything media tells you. Yes, there are plenty of gay men who just want to fuck. But that's also true of any group you can think of. I am my own person, and I know you are too."

"Hmm."

"Hmm what?" Jose, for all his talk about giving Carlos space, seemed to be pushing too hard.

"I don't know. I don't want to think it was just sex. I mean, as far as what it might mean. I felt close to you guys when we were dong that stuff. I don't know if I ever felt close to any of the women that I dated."

I couldn't believe he was this dense. "Are you serious, Carlos? Did you ever step back and notice that you chose the most beautiful - yet flightiest - girls you could find? Come on. I don't buy it for a second. You didn't feel close to them because you had nothing in common with them. We hang around each other all the time!"

"Yeah, but sex wasn't that much fun with them either. It was... you know..."

"Cheap?" I had to ask the million dollar question. "As opposed to what went on the other night, which was...?"

A very small, yet very dirty smile spread across Carlos' face. "Well. Umm. I don't know if I want to talk about that right now."

"Gotcha."

Jose stepped in. "Carlos. Look. I don't think this conversation is going anywhere. I suspect you already know what the answer is. When you want to talk to us about what comes next, or how hard it is to be gay, or help you figure out how you can survive as a gay man with no fashion sense..."

"Fuck you!"

"...we're here. We're always here. But neither John nor I can decide what you're really feeling, or what you really want. Just know that no, it doesn't only have to be about fucking. What the three of us did the other night was, yes. But haven't you ever heard the joke about the difference between a straight man and a bisexual man?"

"Huh? What?"

"A six-pack. And did you notice what John did the other night when you and I were done?"

"No. What?"

"Practically leapt back to my side, making sure we were all clear that it's him and me no matter what had just happened. That doesn't sound like just 'fucking around' to me."

I smiled inwardly, but then couldn't help it. The widest grin started to show on my face. I was hoping that Jose had read me correctly on that one.

"So, my dear Carlos, stop worrying. You'll know what to do."