Nudist Camp Vacation

DISCLAIMER and LEGAL STUFF:

This story is Copyright 2005 and 2008 by Lance Kenman. This story is FICTION, the story and characters are figments of my imagination, and any resemblance of the actions or persons depicted to actual events or real people is completely coincidental and in some cases is a damn shame! I have referred to a few actual places, but nothing described in the story, to my knowledge, has ever actually happened.

Most of the locations mentioned in this story exist only in my imagination. The world I have created is pure fantasy, is convenient to the story and is not intended to be a commentary on what may actually happen in the real world, even though I know that some of it might have. In some cases, the characters have been inspired by people I've met, or I may apply the personality of a real person to a character, so if you ever meet me, be forewarned!

Please don't read this story if you're not prepared to read about love and sex between men and the sexuality of pubescent boys, and if it isn't legal for you to do so.

Nudist Camp Vacation Chapter 35 -- Robert

Tim brought the car slowly to a stop and looked over at me with a question in his eyes.

Anticipating his curiosity, I said, "It's been a long time since I visited Robert. It's probably the best place to begin. Turn right at the bottom of the driveway and I'll tell you how to get there."

His eyes grew wide and he asked, "Are you sure you want to do this? What about the boys?"

Trying to keep my emotions in check, I said, "I think the boys should meet him, too."

He studied me for a moment then slowly nodded. We drove in relative silence. I say "relative," because the boys in the back were whooping it up. They hadn't heard where we were going, and they were enjoying the ride. Mike hugged my arm and watched my every move, while trying to take in all there was to see in the car. The wind whipped through our hair, and Stevey and Paul continued their noisy antics. I think Mike may have grasped, at least in part, the gravity of what we were doing and how important it was to me, but the energy coming from behind us was, thankfully, keeping all our spirits up.

As we pulled into the cemetery, the boys in back instantly became quiet. Finally, Stevey quietly asked, "Why are we in a cemetery?"

I looked back at him and whispered, "I'll tell you as soon as we stop."

He must have seen the look, or redness, in my eyes, because his eyes widened.

I directed Tim to park close to our destination.

Climbing slowly from the car, Mike climbed out quickly behind me, and had my hand in his before I was completely on my feet. I glanced at the boys in the back and gave them a sad smile.

"C'mon boys," I said softly. "I'll tell you what this is about."

They exchanged a fleeting look and carefully climbed out of the rumble seat. Tim stepped up behind them and wrapped an arm around each of them. I looked down into the adoring eyes of my gray-eyed munchkin and smiled.

"Guys," I said, getting their attention. "I've been putting this off for quite a while. It's been too long since I was here, last," I explained. "Before I met any of you, I had another life, a full life, with a man named Robert."

My voice cracked when I spoke his name. I cleared my throat and continued in a whisper.

"He was everything I ever dreamed I would ever need in life. Then one night, he didn't come home. He was working late that night, and had a car accident and was killed. I thought that my own life had ended that night, too, that is, until I met Tim."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. He swallowed hard and quickly made his way to my side, snuggling up to my neck. I held him with my free arm for several minutes, before I felt Mike becoming impatient. I looked down at Mike again and smiled.

"Where is he?" Mike whispered.

I nodded toward a large monument a short distance away. "Over there. Let's go say `Hi' to him."

As we walked, I said, "Robert was a little taller than me, with black hair and icy gray-blue eyes, just like Mike's." We shared a quick smile. Looking at Mike, I said, "His eyes could be just as warm as yours, too."

They were all silent as we made our way to the large block of granite. Carved in large letters was his name, "Robert Andrew Williams." Below that was his epitaph, "He cared deeply, loved intensely, and lived life well." At the bottom were the dates of his birth and death. I had my hand over my mouth as my vision blurred and I fought not to convulse in my sorrow.

Suddenly I felt Tim grab me and hold me tightly. As my weeping calmed, I looked into his sad eyes and cleared my throat. I gently kissed him and whispered, "I love you, Tim Smith."

He mouthed the words, "I love you, too," as tears streaked his cheeks.

I knew his tears were for me and the grief I still felt. Forcing myself to control my emotions, I turned to the boys whose eyes were riveted to me.

"Robert was my partner for twenty-two years. We loved each other as much as two people can love each other. He was an investment advisor. He worked long days, late nights, and weekends. It was exhausting work, but he was awfully good at it. He had a big heart, and I'm honored to have been loved by him. There's just one thing I want you all to know. Even though Robert is gone, he still lives. He lives in my heart, and now he lives in yours. He was a good man and deserves to be remembered. Can you do that? Can you help me remember him?"

Mike was the first to thrust his face into my midsection and grab me around the waist. He cried into my shirt and said, "Yes, papa! I'll remember him!" Then he looked up at me and said, "Don't cry, now, okay?"

I smiled at him and wiped my cheeks. "Okay," I whispered. "As long as you guys help me, I'll be okay."

Stevey and Paul came up to me and hugged me tightly. Paul whispered, "We'll remember him, too."

I rubbed their backs with my hands and said, "Thanks, guys."

When I looked up at Tim, I saw him wiping his face with his fingers. As the boys relaxed their hugs, I held out my arms for Tim. He quickly came to me and hugged me again.

"You wanted to know about Robert, so this was the best place I could think to begin. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

He whispered in my ear, "I think I know everything I need to know for now. I know you loved him and he loved you. That's the most important part."

I ran my fingers through his silken hair and caressed his velvety cheeks with my thumbs. Looking deeply into his dark brown eyes, I said, "Robert and I supported one another. When one of us was sick, the other nursed him. When one of us needed consoling, the other gave him what he needed. We cried together and laughed together. We discovered things together and shared our experiences with one another. We lived a life together, and now, I want to do that with you."

His face contorted as he forced the words, "I want that, too. I love you so much it hurts."

I chuckled and whispered, "I know the feeling, well. I love you, too, Angel. My precious angel."

The three boys were holding each other and watching us through their tears. I wiped Tim's cheeks dry, then mine, and turned to the boys.

Trying to be more upbeat, I said, "You know what? A lot of people say that when someone dies they go to a good place, and we should be happy for them. Robert was one of the best kind of people that you could ever know, so I know his reward for living so well is a good one. He's in Heaven, now, and he's watching us. I know he wouldn't want us to be crying for him, which is what I've been doing for the past three years. You know what else? I know he'd love you boys as much as I do!"

We all dissolved into a group hug, everyone trying to hug everyone else. They all seemed to feel better as my own sadness dissipated. I have to admit that having all of them together at Robert's grave was very comforting for me.

"I'm really glad you boys came with me. I wanted you all to know something about me and my background, so I wanted you all to know something about Robert. I've hidden away all of his pictures, but I'll get some of them out and show them to you, if you want."

Mike came up to me and I knelt in front of him so we could share a gaze into each other's eyes. His eyes were so much like Robert's!

"Papa, I want to see what he looked like. I want to remember him, like you said."

"Okay," I whispered. "I'll show you when we get home."

We shared a loving hug. When I was sure he didn't want to let me go, I reached around him and picked him up. He giggled, grabbed my neck tighter, and then wrapped his legs around my waist, hooking his feet together. He wasn't heavy, but he wasn't light, either!

"Is anyone hungry?" I asked.

Stevey and Paul groaned and patted their stomachs. Stevey said, "I don't think I can eat again for a week!"

"Me, too," Paul said.

"Okay, then, how about some ice cream?"

That was met with a lot more enthusiasm, and Mike giggled in my ear. I glanced at Tim, who smiled back at me. His expression told me that he felt relief for me. I winked at him and he put his arm around me, as well as he could, that is, considering the load I was carrying.

The boys began to walk toward the car, whispering to one another, and I turned for one more look at Robert's grave. That was when I saw it. A wispy vapor rose from behind the headstone and seemed to turn into a vision of Robert! I gasped and kept my eyes on him as my vision mouthed some words. In my mind's ear I heard him say, "Love him and care for him." Then he blew a kiss at me.

"I will."

"What?" I said, turning to Tim. "What did you say?"

"I said, `I will,'" he said, with a warm smile directed at me as he brushed the moisture from his eyes.

Incredulous, I asked, "Did you see him, too?"

He nodded then whispered, "He spoke to both of us, but I think more to me than to you. He's gone, now, you know. You finally let him go. I can feel it."

"How? . . ."

He shrugged. "My grampa was a Pentecostal minister. When I was a little kid, he taught me how to trust what my feelings and what my heart was telling me."

I was dumbfounded. There was more depth to this young man than I had ever imagined!

"But I thought your grandfather was wealthy. Wasn't he in insurance?"

"That was my father's father. My mother's father was a preacher."

I smiled at him with awe. "We need to talk some more."

He met my smile with his own and nodded.

We both glanced again where Robert's vision had been. It was strange, but I seemed to sense that he was really gone, that I had finally let him go. Tim was right. This trip to Robert's grave was what I needed. I finally felt free to move on, myself. I had still had that lingering doubt, that I wasn't doing the right thing, that somehow I was betraying Robert and his memory, but that feeling was finally gone, vanished, much as Robert's vision had vanished.

As we walked to the car I began to focus totally on the future, with nothing from the past lingering, pulling at me, holding me back. Robert was still in my memories, but the memories were good. I felt as if the weight of my loss was slowly being lifted from my shoulders.

I admired Tim and the boys. Counting each one as mine, as I had come to think of them, and each in his own way had a special place in my heart. Tim, of course, had a permanent, deep place in the center of my heart, and Stevey had managed to imbed himself almost as deeply.

I was in the right place at the right time when Paul needed a refuge, an escape from his own living Hell, and I felt him in that place in my heart where caring emanates. Then Mike. What can I say about Mike? With every moment that passed, I found that he was deeper and deeper into that nurturing place in my heart which was the source of my most special, unconditional love.

Tim was secure in his position with me and in my bed, but Stevey still was still unsure of his place. He wanted in, deeper, but I couldn't let him go where he wanted to be. I would have to work with him to become accustomed to his place beside Tim and me, not within our relationship.

Adoption was almost certain for Paul, because of the documents his parents had signed before their arrest, but I knew that Mike's future was less certain. I'd have to begin to work with Carl to do what was necessary to adopt him as well. There was no longer any question about the Abbott boys. They most certainly had to be my sons!

While Tim drove us all to the Pink Granite Ice Cream Parlor, I looked around the car first at Tim, then Mike, smoothing his hair, and then at the two in the rumble seat. No one had suffered because of the trip, and they each seemed to benefit in some way.

Mike still held my arm, tightly, and occasionally looked up at Tim and me, with apparent admiration in his eyes. Yes, there's still that touch of Robert in those eyes of his!

Stevey and Paul seemed to be playing "handsies" in the back seat, because they would whisper closely, and then there would be a squeal and giggles from both of them. They became a little less animated when I turned around and gave them both a knowing smile.

After we'd all received our choices of ice cream and extras, mixed on that frozen marble, we sat at tables and ate small spoonfuls, trying to avoid that dreaded brain freeze.

Tim looked at me and said in a very low voice, "I'm glad we went there, to Robert's grave. I was surprised, and a little shocked at first, but it was the best way to meet him."

I looked at him, searching his deep, dark eyes. Nodding, I said, "I'm glad you didn't think I'd lost my mind. It was selfish of me to want all of you to go, but I think it was good."

"You look more relaxed than I've ever seen you."

I swallowed, hard, and nodded, taking a swallow of water. "I, uh, needed it more than I realized."

He watched me, apparently knowing that wasn't all. I hesitated, wondering if I should confess. Taking a deep breath, I said, "You were right; I hadn't let him go. Seeing him like that, it was what I needed most, I guess. It was almost as if he was asking me to let him go, saying good-bye one last time."

My throat seized, and I'm sure it showed in my face, because Tim leaned to me and put his arm around my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I smiled at Tim and mouthed, "Thank you."

He leaned even closer and gave me a gentle kiss, and then said, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

The words were out of my mouth before I gave any thought to who was within earshot. Several people could have seen and heard us, but I ignored any reaction any of them might have had. I really didn't care. My man had kissed me when I needed it, and I had appreciated it. Did anything else matter? The only thing that mattered more was the safety of the boys, so I quickly took inventory.

Mike was sitting at the table with Tim and me, beaming at us. Paul and Stevey . . . weren't at the table next to us! I blurted, "Ohmygod! Paul and Stevey!"

I jumped up and searched the store for them, frantically, as Tim jumped to his feet as well. There they were, speaking to . . . Frank? What was Frank doing there? It wasn't that he wasn't welcome, but didn't he have a life?

I looked around at Tim and Mike with relief, and seeing that they had each finished their treat, and I had eaten as much of mine as I felt comfortable, we all got up and made our way over to Frank and the boys.

Walking up to him, I said, "Frank?"

He looked at me as if I was supposed to know he'd be there.

"Hi, Alan."

"Hi, yourself! It's Saturday! Don't you take a day off once in a while?"

He looked surprised. "Yeah, I do, but not when you need me."

Suddenly I felt a bit ashamed, as if I'd been taking advantage of him, just assuming that we were safe.

"Thanks, Frank, for all you do, but shouldn't you let the guards on duty take care of us?"

He got a smirk on his face. "Yeah, but you guys are kinda special. You weren't supposed to know I was here, but the boys spotted me."

I smiled at them then looked out the window. The sky was rapidly changing from blue to orange and red.

"Guys, it's getting late. We'd better get home. I'm sure Frank would like to get home, too."

Stevey and Paul hugged Frank, Tim shook his hand, but Mike kept his death-grip of my arm, looking up at the towering man. Frank looked down at him and gave a small wave and a smile.

"See ya' Sport!" he said to Mike and chuckled.

We quickly made our way to the car, where a couple of young men were admiring it. They were both in their late teens or early twenties, and both were dressed in blue jeans, dress shirts and dress loafers. My first impression was that they seemed out of place.

"Is this yours?" one of them asked, with forced enthusiasm.

The other one remained silent and gave each of the boys a thorough assessment. I became defensive, stepping closer to the boys. (Was I just being paranoid?)

"Yeah," I said, giving them both a once-over. "It's just a reproduction. The real thing would be expensive."

"Oh, well, it's still nice!"

I noticed that Frank had followed us closely and was standing to the side, sizing them up. When they noticed him standing there, apparently at the ready, the vocal one said, "Thanks for letting us look."

"Sure, any time," I said, helping the boys into the rumble seat.

Frank stood close to us until we pulled away then quickly followed after us. I thought I could see the two young men watch Frank cautiously. It wasn't at all unusual for someone to admire one of my cars, but considering recent events, nothing seemed normal or usual.

Once we were back home, Frank seemed to disappear. I saw his Suburban follow us up the driveway, but after we drove around the back of the Toy Box, he must have turned around and left for his own home.

As we were pulling into the Toy Box, I caught a glimpse of Grant, standing in the twilight close to a row of tall hedges. When I looked back again, he was gone. No wonder they call him a "ghost!"

I had Tim stop the car just inside the door so Marty could check it over before putting it back in its place. As the boys all jumped out of the car, I closed the door and made sure it was locked, not that it needed it with all the security around.

The boys were quite upbeat, probably because of all the sugar they'd just eaten. Paul and Stevey were tussling, gently shoving one another. It was interesting to watch the way they'd playfully push, but not hard enough to push the other away, and then they'd pull together, each with an arm over the other's shoulders. It seemed they were being overly gentle with one another. I was happy to see them becoming closer, but wondered if it was too much.

As we walked, I noticed that Tim had been watching me watching them. When he caught my eye, he motioned toward the boys and winked at me. I chuckled and nodded. We shared a knowing gaze.

When we got to the far end of the Toy Box and the boys were all through the door, Mike tugged on my arm to get my attention. When I looked down at him he crooked his finger at me, so I leaned down.

"Papa," he whispered, "don't be sad anymore, okay?"

I grabbed him into a hug and he threw his arms around my neck. I was breathing in fits. Returning his whisper, I said, "Mike, how can I be sad with you around?"

He gave me an adoring smile as I stood and took his hand.

I was still smiling as we walked into the kitchen. Tim caught me and looked at me, curiously. I glanced at Mike then back at Tim.

He nodded, knowing that Mike must have said something to me. Looking down at Mike, he said, "Y'know, you're a very special person."

Mike smiled wide and took his hand so that he was holding both of us. Looking up at Tim, he said, "You're special, too, and so's Papa." He glanced back and forth at us until he heard a loud laugh from Stevey and Paul coming from the game room. He pressed Tim's hand to mine then ran to join the boys.

Tim watched as Mike disappeared around the corner, and then he whispered to me, "He's a wonderful kid."

When he turned to me, I saw that his eyes were clouding.

Tim continued, "We've just got to adopt him. Both Mike and Paul have got to be part of this family."

I smiled at him and pulled him into a hug.

"Now he's getting to you," I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, I know. You just can't help but love him."

I nodded and looked into his eyes. As I brushed his hair from his forehead, I whispered, "I just can't help but love . . ."

I was interrupted with a tender kiss.

A couple of hours later, after the boys had burned up most of the calories in their systems, I told them it was time for bed. I made a note to myself not to let them eat so many sweets so late in the day, but it had been a long day and Mike seemed to be drooping almost as much as I was.

We all got ready for bed with everyone running around in the nude. It seemed to be a spontaneous thing that everyone at once just shucked their clothing and went about the business of showering and brushing their teeth in preparation for slumber. I reasoned that it was probably time for us all to get used to being nude, so I shouldn't object.

However, every time I turned around, Stevey was in Paul's room or his bathroom with him, and they always seemed to be talking in hushed tones. Either they were plotting something, or they were becoming very close. In either event, I was sure I didn't want to know what was going on.

After all the tucking in and kissing was done, I dragged my weary bones to bed and I was closely followed by Tim. When the lights were off and we were under the covers holding each other, I whispered, "What do you want to do tonight?"

He sighed, "We're doing it."

I pressed a slow, tender kiss into his soft lips. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered back.

After stroking my back for a few moments, he turned over and backed into me in a spooning position, pulling my arm around him and hugging it. He stroked the hair on my arm. His touch felt electric, something I'm sure he didn't intend, but I liked whatever he did, as long as he was touching me.

"Alan?" he asked.

"Yeah," I whispered, kissing his ear.

"Mmm," he murmered, responding to my touch. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can. You can always ask me anything."

He swallowed hard. He seemed to be thinking about how to ask something that had deep meaning, so I prepared myself for a serious question.

"When Robert died, how did you feel? I mean, you must have felt really sad, but how did you feel, deep inside?"

I took in a deep breath, trying to calm the lump rising in my throat.

"Empty. I felt as if the fullness that had filled my heart had burst like an overfilled balloon. It felt like I'd never be happy again, and I wanted to die."

He swallowed, hard. "I felt almost like that when you had your heart attack, except that I got panicky. Then when I left and later realized what a mistake I'd made and you wouldn't return my calls, I felt kinda like that."

He sniffed, loudly. I kissed behind his ear and down his neck.

"Tim, there will be those times in your life when you'll have extreme sadness. You'll feel as if the pain and the emptiness will never go away, but it will. But, even though I knew that, I couldn't do anything to stop the sadness and the depression. It took me several years to finish my grieving, but even then I wasn't finished. As of today, though, I think I've finally reached a point of acceptance and can put the past behind me. I'll never forget Robert and all that he meant to me, but I think I can finally move on and get on with my life."

He was silent for a long time. Thinking he must have fallen asleep, I allowed my thoughts to drift and be thankful for all of the many blessings I had been given, but he startled me when he said, "I know that'll happen to me some day, but I don't want to think about it."

"Are you thinking about . . . our age difference?"

He sniffed, "Yes."

"You must now understand what I was trying to tell you when we first met."

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Alan, you're the one I want. I guess I'll just have to take whatever comes with it. You know, we could both die in a plane crash or a car wreck."

"Yeah, that's true. We'll never know what the next moment may hold for us. Anything can happen."

He sniffed again and wiped his nose.

I whispered, "There's an old saying that's repeated in a lot of places, it's been paraphrased in many ways, but there's always a lot of wisdom to it. It goes something like this: `Live for today, because tomorrow may be your last.' It's important not to dwell on what might be, but instead make each moment special for you and those you love."

He swallowed and sighed, "Yeah, you're right. I've seen that, but I guess I never understood it until now. Alan? I love you so much it hurts."

I put my hand on his chest and pulled him tighter against me, as I whispered, "I love you, too, sweet prince."

After releasing a long, halting breath, he whispered, "G'night."

"'Night."