ote: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Nine
In front of me was a big group of girls who had gotten past the security guards somehow. The were standing off to the side hoping for a chance to see the guys. I slowly walked up to them and tried to get around them. The obviously had no respect for anyone but themselves because they shoved me back whenever I tried to get by. Finally I was getting ticked off and I made my voice get a little loud. I was pushing and shoving my way through the group and had made it halfway through when the girls suddenly stopped. Their screaming, their clawing, their jumping up and around - everything just stopped for a split second. Before I had time to react I heard one of them shout, "Oh my God!! It's them. There they are!!" Like vultures they surged forward to get closer to the group. I felt a girl push a hand in my face and as she pulled away she clawed me with her fingernails. Another was grabbing my hair to try to get ahead of me. A third just used her elbow (she's the one who could have been a football player). As much as I hated acknowledging the fact, I was being beaten up by a bunch of girls. They only had one thing on their mind and they didn't care what they had to do to get to their heartthrobs.
I was ready to yell some obscenities and calls for help when I felt a strong grasp on my shoulder. My hand came up; I was ready to swing at the next person I saw. I never had the chance as I was roughly pulled from the mob. I stumbled over my feet as I tried to catch my breath. Before I could succeed I was being pulled again, forced to run down a darkened hallway. Flashes of the previous evening were flooding through my mind and I felt like I was going crazy.
As the guys finished their last song they moved to the front of the stage and grabbed hands. They took a bow as each one said a couple words to the crowd. Justin and JC ran off stage as Chris and Joey followed. Before Lance could catch up to them he was stopped by a stage manager who had some questions. After spending a few minutes getting everything cleared up he slowly walked to the dressing room in the back where he knew we would all be. He was stepping into the hallway when he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
In front of him was a mob of young girls, trying to get at the rest of the group. The bodyguards and security were doing a good job of keeping them away but something was still wrong. He looked over the crowd and tried to find out what was making him feel funny. Suddenly he saw a flash of blond hair in the crowd. He quickly started ran over to the crowd, trying to make his way into it without being noticed. He covered his face slightly and shoved his way in. He was luckily since everyone's attention was in the other direction, towards Justin and the rest of the guys. Moving up next to me he grabbed my shoulder strongly. He saw my hand come up and ducked down as he started to pull me out. Within a few seconds we were out of the crowd, running down a darkened hallway.
I had finally gained my footing as we made our escape from the crowd. I couldn't see clearly, though, because my eyes were moist with tears and my breath was coming in gasps. I could see someone beside me, pulling me along, but I couldn't tell who it was. It felt like we were running forever until weturned a corner and ran into a small room. I sat down on the ground and took a deep breath. My eyes were closed as I tried to calm myself down.
Lance started running hard as he pulled me out of the crowd. He never let go of my shoulder as he went down the hallway. He knew there would be rooms in the next corridor that we could hide in for awhile but he had to get us there first. As he was running he looked over at my face and saw the tears in the corner of my eyes.
"This must be awful for him," he thought. "First he's raped in a darkened alley. Then he has to put up with all of JC's crap. And now I have to pull him out of a mob and bring him into another darkened area." Before he could go on he saw where he had to turn. Moving quickly we dashed down the new hallway and into a room. He let go off my shoulder as I sunk down on my butt. Lance bent over at the waist and put his hands on his knees, taking a few deep breaths to calm down also. After a few minutes of silence he looked down at me and noticed that I was staring at him.
"What?" He questioned. "Do I have something on my face?"
I shook my head no as I continued to stare. He looked back for a second and then sat on the ground next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder and lightly rubbed it. He didn't say a word because he knew I had to be the first one to speak. I sat quietly for awhile, gathering my thoughts and feelings and calming down from the action. Finally I looked over into his green eyes and smiled.
"Well, that was weird," I stated matter-of-factly. "Does it happen often?"
"I won't lie to you - it happens more than you would believe. It's just worse when there's someone we know in there. Like tonight. We've been caught before so we know how it feels, but I still wouldn't wish it on anyone." He stared at me as he continued. "Are you all right now? Is everything kosher?"
I laughed at his choice of words but had to admit to myself that I would probably use the same ones. "Yeah....everything's cool now. I just hate feeling like that. So helpless and....and feeble I guess. I couldn't do anything and I didn't like it."
He nodded his head in agreement as he spoke softly. "I know Matt. I think we both know exactly what you're talking about. Being in control....having things planned out....being dependent and doing a good job of it....we both like to be able to take care of things ourselves." He stared at me to make sure I agreed before going on. "But....life doesn't work like that. Fate throws so many obstacles in our path that we can't do everything by ourselves. Not everyone is like you," he said. "Some are rapists, some are sheep that will follow the herd, some are just extremely evil." He paused before going on. "But some are really good. Some are doctors and teachers and scientists who make the world better everyday. Some are your friends who will listen whenever you need them. And there a few people who will care for and love you so much that you can get through anything. And you need to realize that before you get hurt too much."
I felt the emotions well up as Lance spoke but I kept them inside. My heart started pounding a little faster as I felt my skin break out in a sweat. I closed my eyes as I let his words sink in. I knew there were bad people in life - I'd already experienced many of them. And I knew there were good people too - they were my heroes. But still....the way he said it I had to wonder if I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was more naive than I'd realized. I'd always thought I was pretty mature for my age. I tried to know everyone I could; I didn't let little things affect my relationships; I knew about worldly issues; I thought I was ready for the real world. God, maybe I wasn't yet. Maybe I didn't know the first thing about real people. Maybe I didn't....
"Now don't even go thinking that," Lance said, interrupting my thoughts. "I know what you're trying to do to yourself and I won't let you. I didn't say all of that to make you feel bad. I told you that because everyone needs to know it. You're a great person, Matt, and I don't want you thinking any less of yourself because of the stuff that's happened in the past day." He stared up to the ceiling as he let out a sigh. "God, why does everything I say come out wrong. Listen....I just said all of that because I don't want to see you get hurt. I want you to realize that there are bad people....but there are a lot of good people. Just try to find those people." A smile covered his face as he continued. "And I happen to know one right now who's probably worried sick about you."
Joey and Justin and escaped the crowd first, running into their dressing room. JC had been caught by a few of the girls and Chris' hair had been grabbed by a young 11 year old. The security guards did their job efficiently and pushed everyone back. The two singers finally made it into the back room and sat down on the couch.
"Man," Chris exhaled. "What the hell happened there? No one was supposed to be in that hallway."
"You know how it is," JC answered. "The fans will do anything to get to us."
All four guys sat down and rested from their show until Joey finally looked up.
"Hey guys?" He asked. "Where's Lance?"
Justin's head shot up as he looked around the room. "Oh God....is he still out there? Was he caught with you guys?"
JC shook his head as a frown formed on his face. "No. I didn't see him at all. Did you Chris?" He shook his head also and JC started to get worried. "And where's Matt? He's supposed to be back here too." JC stood up quickly and headed for the door. He was about to leave when Justin stopped him.
"Josh, you can't go back out there. I'm sure the girls are still there just waiting for another chance. You just have to believe that he is still in the crowd and hasn't been able to get back here." He put a hand on the older boys shoulder as he went on. "He didn't run out on us - he wouldn't."
JC sighed as his head dropped to his chest. "I knew something like this would happen," he whispered. "I just knew it."
Joey looked up as JC spoke. "Wait a second JC. The way you're talking....and the way you were singing tonight....oh my God!....I get it now." He looked over at Chris and Justin. "How long have you guys known?"
Chris was about to answer when JC shot an angry look at Joey. "What do you mean, ‘you get it now?'"
Justin quickly jumped in as Chris tried to also. "Just calm down," they both said at once. Joey looked over and broke out laughing as Chris and Justin tried to hold it in themselves. JC's frown loosened up a little but he was far from laughing.
"JC, come on," Chris started. "It's obvious that you really like Matt. I for one think it's a great thing. He's so cool and awesome....and you could really use that right now." He smiled over at Joey. "Everyone but Joey has known since early this afternoon but you can't blame him for not being even remotely observant!"
"Hey, I resent that!"
"But it's true buddy; you have to admit that!"
"....well...."
"Anyway," Justin broke in. "Back to the real issue. We all know JC and we all think it's a good thing. From what I've seen I think he likes you too," he said with a smile.
"I know he does," Chris remarked.
"But that still doesn't answer my question," JC said. "Where the hell is he? He should be here by now."
"Now do you think you can stand up?" Lance asked quietly. "We should probably get back to the rest of the guys."
I picked myself up and dusted off my pants as I looked over at Lance. "Won't the mob still be there?"
"Yeah, probably. But I never said we would go back down that hallway," he answered with a sinister smile. "I know another way, don't worry."
As we left our little hiding spot we heard a low murmur of high pitched voices.
"Yep, still there," Lance said. "Okay, just follow me."
We walked down a hallway and then turned into another hallway. That hallway led us to another hallway in which we turned once more into a....imagine that....another hallway. We kept walking and I stayed up beside Lance the whole time. I finally started to laugh as I realized we were lost.
"You're not good with directions either I take it."
"Better than you are!" He shot back. "But no, right now I'm not. I could have sworn it was down this hallway." We started walking again as he softly spoke to himself. Finally I just stopped and looked at the walls.
"Umm....Lance? Would this help any?" I pointed to a sign on the wall. It had the word "Stage" in big capital letters with an arrow pointing in the opposite direction.
He smiled sheepishly as he turned around and started walking. I just laughed as I quickly caught up to him. Within a few minutes we were traveling down a hallway and he picked up his pace.
"I know where we are now," he exclaimed.
"Thank God for miracles," I laughed.
Lance put his hand on the doorknob but stopped to look back at me. "Listen....I'm not sure what will happen from now on - no one knows. But I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that you like JC. I'm glad that you're a real friend. Lets just have fun for the next couple of days and leave it at that, okay?" I could see the pure emotion flow from his words and I nodded my head.
"That's what we'll do - let fate runs its course while we have a blast!" I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned the knob. As the door swung open we saw JC and Justin standing a few feet away while Chris and Joey were sitting on a couch. As soon as JC saw us he crossed the distance between us in a flash.
"Thank God you guys are here. Are you all right? Did you get mobbed? Where have you been?" The questions rattled on as Lance and I laughed to ourselves.
"Chill out dude," Justin spoke up. "They're here now and they're obviously all right. That's all that matters." JC looked over at his friend and backed away. When he looked back he caught my eye and held it. When his mouth opened I thought he would speak out loud, but all he did was mouth the words, "we need to talk." I frowned but mouthed back, "okay - later." I followed Lance and Justin as they went to sit down. My mind was running pretty fast with this new information.
"Is this fate running its course?" I asked myself. "What does he want to talk to me about? Maybe it's about dinner and the limo ride. Or he could just want to know more about me - he wasn't there most of the morning." I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt Justin's hand on my thigh.
"So how'd you enjoy that bomb concert? Was it not bitchin'?" I could tell that he wanted an honest opinion and I was never one to back away from that.
"You guys have no idea how good you are, do you? You had the audience eating out of your hands....and it wasn't just because you guys are hot. I'm not positive but I don't think any of you missed a move or a note, did you?" I saw Justin shake his head so I continued. "And your voices were just spectacular, especially on ‘Sailing.'" I looked over at JC as I continued. "I'm kind of disappointed that you didn't do your flying thing, but I like how it worked out anyway. I was about ready to faint from the pure emotion."
Lance smiled at me as he finally got my attention away from JC. "Well, that's JC's song you know. All we really do is back-up."
"Yeah," I stated. "It shouldn't be any other way." I saw JC blush a little as I paid him a compliment. I could see Chris snicker as Joey tried not to laugh.
"Well, we know you loved JC's singing, but what about everyone else?"
"Oh," I acted surprised. "You mean you guys were singing too? Well, I guess you were good - I wasn't cringing or anything." I looked over and smiled sweetly at Lance. "But I don't remember ever hearing you. Don't you ever sing?"
"Hey, watch it," he started. "I lay the foundation and let the guys take over from there. Think about it - if you built a house on loose sand it would shift and fall down. But if you built it on a solid rock....well, you know how it is." I could see Lance try to make his chest swell up as he tried to act big and macho. I had to laugh when it barely moved.
"Lance, bro, you need to get some muscles on your chest. If I didn't know any better I would figure you for a 11 year old girl." Everyone broke up laughing as he put on a fake pout. I reached over and put an arm around his shoulder and gave him a hug. From the corner of my eye I could see JC cringe as he stopped laughing abruptly. I made a mental note to tell him that there was nothing going on between me and Lance, either.
We rested for half an hour or so when Lance stood up to leave. The rest of the guys followed as I looked around for my original clothing.
"Um....guys? Does anybody know where my clothes are?"
"I'm pretty sure you're wearing them," Joey replied, completely serious.
"No, no. The clothes I wore herer. These are from the wardrobe people, remember?"
"Oh man, yeah. Well, they're probably with Robin. She takes care of all our clothing. Let me go check." As Joey ran out of the room I realized everyone else had left too. I looked around and admired the room for the first time. I was impressed with how spacious it was. The decor was pretty cool too. I guess I had just imagined a little room in the corner where the guys would change and put their things. This was much nicer!
I was facing the opposite direction when the door opened. I figured it was one of the guys so I continued looking at the contemporary painting in front of me. Suddenly I felt a finger tapping my shoulder. I turned around slowly and found myself face to face with JC. He was holding my clothes but his deep blue eyes were wide and I saw the questioning look on his face.
"Matt? What are you doing?"
"Not much, just checking out this painting." I turned back to it as I started speaking again. "It has a nice flow to it. The artist definitely used long strokes," I stated. "And look at the color - so vibrant and beautiful. You could tell he really cared about this piece." JC stared at it for a few seconds before he spoke.
"Well, the colors are very nice. But look at the way everything fits together in the picture. The little girl is standing down in the corner under the tree. The branches of that tree are reaching across the canvas, trying to touch everything. The house in the far distance is just below one of the branches so it acts like a frame. And the clouds are so beautiful up there - you can almost see them floating through space." He stopped himself as he realized how much he had said. "Um....sorry. I just really like the painting."
I turned around and faced him once more, this time with a little anger on my face. "Do you realize how aggravating you are - always apologizing for yourself?" I could tell he was shocked but I didn't care. I was going to get through to him this time. "You don't have to always be scared of what others will think of your actions or words. Just be yourself and let people take you the way they will. If they like you than good. But if they don't then they don't deserve to be your friend in the first place."
He stared at me for a second as he thought about what I said. Then he dropped his head down to his chest and closed my eyes. "God, how can you be so damn confident? You act like nothing in this world could affect you and that you're capable of taking everything on at once. How do you do it?"
It was my turn to pause as I considered what he had just said. "You really think it's a confidence?" He nodded his head as he finally looked up at me again. "I guess I never really thought of it that way. I just know that I have to be myself or else I'll die on the inside. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't hurt or hide myself just to please someone else. Maybe I've taken that a little too far."
"No, don't say that. I wasn't criticizing you. I just can't believe how incredible you are. I've never met another person like you and you're making me think about things that I normally wouldn't. But as for apologizing so much, I think it's just because I am scared of what other people are going to think. I can't just throw away my fears like that," he threw his hand in the air. "I'm not as strong as you are to be able to do that."
"But you do realize that you are special too, don't you? You shouldn't have to worry about other people because you are the only one who counts." I looked into his eyes to make sure my point got across. "You have to live with yourself 24/7. If you're not happy on the inside then you'll never truly be happy on the outside. Sure, you'll tick some people off sometimes - I've already said things to Justin and Lance that have hurt their feelings - but you don't know how incredible it feels to be happy with yourself. To finally know that you can handle whatever life throws at you." I stopped as I realized what I said. "Maybe it is a confidence I have," I whispered. "But it doesn't matter," I said a little louder. "You have to see that. Please, for me."
I saw JC looking down at his hands so I looked down also. He had set down my clothes when we first started talking about the painting and I was now holding his hands and squeezing them ever so slightly without realizing it. I had done it without thinking about it. I looked back up at him and smiled. He was staring into my eyes as I held my breath. We stayed this way for quite awhile, just peering into each others eyes. His face was so beautiful with the soft, smooth skin. His eyes were pools of water that I could almost feel against my skin. His curly black hair was perfect as it framed his face. I could feel his warm hands against mine, his strong fingers pressing into mine. He finally broke the trance as he spoke up.
"Matt....what are you thinking about right now?" He whispered his question but there was a force behind it - I could tell he really wanted to know. I decided to follow my own advise and throw caution to the wind.
"I'm thinking of how beautiful you are. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your hands. But above all else you're heart. I'm thinking of how lucky I am that I actually got to meet you. I'm thinking of all the times I've lain awake in bed and wondered what it would be like to be with you - completely with you. I'm thinking of how much I don't want this moment to end even though I just bared all of my secrets to you."
I finally broke his gaze as I turned my head to the side. I closed my eyes as a tear streamed down my face. I felt his hands leave mine and I felt empty and alone.
To be continued....