Note: This is a complete work of fiction. I am not implying that any character within this story is gay or bisexual. This is just my fantasy, so let me have it!!! I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in. So please, don't be afraid to send any comments my way. Since I've never been to New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff. Please e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com
'N SYNC Savior
Chapter Ten
"Matt....what are you thinking about right now?" He whispered his question but there was a force behind it - I could tell he really wanted to know. I decided to follow my own advice and throw caution to the wind.
"I'm thinking of how beautiful you are. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your hands. But above all else you're heart. I'm thinking of how lucky I am that I actually got to meet you. I'm thinking of all the times I've lain awake in bed and wondered what it would be like to be with you - completely with you. I'm thinking of how much I don't want this moment to end even though I just bared all of my secrets to you."
I finally broke his gaze as I turned my head to the side. I closed my eyes as a tear streamed down my face. I felt his hands leave mine and I felt empty and alone. Another tear slipped from my lashes as I tried not to sob. I should have known that he wasn't ready for that. After the way he had run off that afternoon....the way he had kept so quiet throughout the day....he wasn't ready. I lifted my hand to my face to wipe away the two tears that had escaped. Before I could touch my face I felt him grab my hand softly.
He pulled it away from my face gently and I turned my head to look at him. He slowly raised his other hand and brought it closer to my face. He delicately swept the streaks with his thumb, resting his other fingers on the side of my face. I felt my breath slow and my sobbing stop as I felt his warm hand on my face. He gripped my other hand tight and squeezed it lovingly. I just sat there in a trance.
When all the moisture was gone he looked into my eyes and I saw a smile form on his face.
"There's no need to cry," he whispered. "You're the one telling me not to care what other people think, remember? You're not setting a good example by crying now." I could hear the lightness in his voice and knew he was toying with me but I was still sad.
"I know, I know. It's just that I told you every little thing I was thinking about and you weren't ready to handle it. I should have never said all of that." I slowly stopped as his smile grew bigger.
"If you had never said that then I wouldn't have been able to do this." He leaned in softly and turned his head to side. His soft lips pressed into mine and I almost fainted on the spot. He pressed into me with more force as the kiss went on and on. His free hand and slipped down to find mine and we were connected once again. My heart was starting to beat faster as I felt a lightness come to my brain. I was floating towards heaven and I didn't care what happened to me now. But like all good things, this one ended too soon.
He pulled back lightly when we were out of air but I stayed in the same position - eyes closed, head tilted to the side, shocked like no other. I heard a soft laugh come from his direction and it allowed me to open my eyes.
"Wow," I mouthed, unable to put a voice behind my words.
"Excuse me?" He laughed. "I didn't quite hear you."
"Wow," I whispered, finally finding the will.
He stared into my eyes as he leaned in closer. "Are you happy that you told me all those secrets?" he asked.
I didn't trust myself to speak more than that one word so I nodded my head slowly. I heard him laugh again as he pulled me in for a hug.
"All the guys told me not to hide my feelings," he whispered in my ear. "They told me that you were special and that I shouldn't run away from what I was feeling. I'm sorry I didn't give you any signs before this but I just couldn't. I've never really been in a true relationship and I wasn't sure if you really felt the same. I'm sorry," he paused as he realized what he said. "No, I'm not sorry, I'm just disappointed for not letting my feelings show."
I pulled away from him, regretfully, so I could look at him.
"Well, I must admit that you took me by shock. But I'm not angry at you." I looked at him with a smile. "Truthfully? I've never actually told anyone how much I liked them unless it was in a letter. I kind of have a hard time telling people face to face because I don't know how they'll react. And before you say anything," I held up my hand, "it's only because I haven't felt that comfortable being gay until just a few months ago. You're the first guy I've really shown my true feelings for."
We stared at each other as we let the words sink in. I couldn't believe that he actually felt something for me. I mean for me it was obvious. He was a heartthrob who I had been following for over a year. His body was perfect, his voice was beautiful, his personality was awesome....everything about him screamed out "Love me." But me? I wasn't anything that special, just another guy on the street. I couldn't believe he could feel something for me.
JC, on the other hand, couldn't believe that I had never opened myself up like that before today. He was shocked that I would come out of my shell for him. In his eyes he wasn't anything spectacular. Yeah, he could sing. And yeah, all the girls loved him. But they loved JC the superstar - he really wasn't any different than another guy on the street. He couldn't believe that I would feel something this deep for him.
As our stare deepened, each of us looking into the others soul, we leaned in close once again. His mouth opened softly as he took a breath. I felt his moist lips press into mine once again but this time I didn't sit back in shock. I pressed into him with longing. I opened my lips lightly and closed my eyes to enjoy the moment. I felt his left hand leave mine and briefly wondered what he was doing. The next moment I felt him grab me around the neck and pull me in tighter. I used my free hand to hold onto his back as we continued our kiss. I felt his right hand loosen its grip but I held on tighter. I wasn't going to let this one go. He had one free hand and that was all he really needed - I wanted to be connected with him throughout it all. We continued our embrace until I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard someone clear his throat.
"Uh hum....Guys? Um, guys? Could you please stop?" Lance tapped harder on my shoulder and spoke a little louder. "Guys? I'm really glad you've finally expressed your true feelings but we have to go. Guys? Hello?" He bent down a little and grabbed one head in each hand. He slowly pulled us away from each other as we broke down laughing.
"Man, Lance.... you sure know how to ruin a good thing, don't you?" JC smiled over at his friend as I tried to stop laughing.
"Yeah Lance. You've been trying to get us together all night and when we finally do you have to come stop us!" I reached over and pulled him in for a hug. I leaned in close and whispered in his ear. "Why didn't you tell me?" I paused for a second before going on. "It doesn't matter I suppose. I like how it happened anyway. Thank you."
Joey started laughing from the doorway and we all turned to look at him. I hadn't realized that the whole group was standing in the room watching us - I had figured it was just Lance.
"Wait...." Joey started, trying not to laugh too hard. "I thought it was JC and Matt. Not Lance and Matt." I looked over at him and smiled.
"Oh shut up. I'm just happy and I feel like hugging someone." I looked over at JC again and continued to smile. I took a step to him and pulled him into a hug. "And kissing someone." I pulled my head back lightly as I placed my lips on his. With every kiss I felt more comfortable with him. I could feel every little detail of his face as our lips pressed together.
I felt myself forget about the rest of the world until a hand was laid on my shoulder.
"Oh no, not again guys. We really have to go." Lance was trying his hardest to break us up but I wasn't going to allow it this time. I pressed in hard and then finally pulled away.
"There....I'm ready to go now." I reached down to the floor and picked up my first set of clothes. "But I have to change first."
"Don't worry about the clothes Matt," JC remarked. "I really liked the way you looked in them." I heard a chuckle from Chris as JC continued. "What I mean is that you can keep them. Robin won't even know they're gone."
"Thanks. I really liked them too." I looked over at the door with a questioning look. "But only if you guys are sure...."
"Dude, definitely. You looked so hot in them. You saw the reactions you got from us." Justin answered.
"Like I'm going to believe those! You guys can't even dress yourselves - you need Robin to do that for you," I laughed as I rushed past the group and through the door quickly. Chris and Justin took off after me as the rest of the guys followed behind.
"That's right you little Kansas boy," Joey yelled. "You better be runnin'!"
As we sat in the limo I looked around at everyone. I couldn't believe everything that was happening here today. I knew that I had planned on having a good vacation but this was unbelievable. I saw Justin sitting across from me with a look of disappointment or sadness in his eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking about, obviously, but I knew it was something that he would need to get off his chest. Chris was next to him with his eyes closed. It looked like he was sleeping and I couldn't blame him. If I had to put on a concert like they did I would be exhausted too.
I looked to the back of the limo where Adam, Lance, and Joey were sitting. Lance and Joey both had their eyes closed like Chris, but Adam was wide awake. He was stealing quick glances my way and after a few moments I finally caught his eye. He smiled bigger as he stared over at me. I smiled back at him and mouthed "I can't believe this." He chuckled a little and mouthed back, "believe it!" I turned slightly away from him with a smile on my face.
As I looked at the man to my left I felt my heart skip a beat. I couldn't believe what had just happened in the past hour. It just goes to show you that you never know what will happen until you do something. Who would have ever guessed that he had feelings for me? Or that he was just as scared as I was? "But," I reminded myself, "he could have just as easily turned you down and kicked your butt. You just have to be lucky that he felt the same way." As my smiled turned to a frown I saw him look my way.
"Don't frown Matt - it doesn't look good on you," he stated. "What's bothering you?"
"Oh, it's not much. I was just thinking of how everything's changed in such a short time. But it could have gone any which way. Adam didn't have to be walking by that alley last night. ‘N Sync didn't have to be the band he managed. You didn't have to have feelings for me too. Anything could have happened." I was spilling out all of my fears when I felt his finger on my lips.
"Shhhh, baby, don't speak like that." He stared into my eyes until I stopped. "Good....now you're right. Anything could have happened....but nothing like that did. Fate stepped in and played her hand. She wants us together and we are. Just be happy for what you have, remember?"
I felt my lips creep into a smile under his finger and I almost laughed. I opened my mouth enough for his finger to slip in and I sucked on it lightly. "Yeah, you're right. Fate dealt us a great hand, didn't she?"
He nodded his head as I leaned over to rest on his shoulder. He tipped his own head to the side and rested it on mine. I softly whispered as I fell into a light sleep. "Joshua Chasez? I'm so glad I met you. You make me feel good on the inside." As "inside" drifted from my mouth I felt the tiredness take over and I was out. I didn't wake up until we reached the hotel.
It might have been because of the hour, it was probably past their bedtimes, but for some reason there were not that many girls waiting outside the hotel. There was a small group off to the side and I could see a few who hadn't been kicked out of the lobby. JC just smiled down at me and whispered, "here we go again." I was tempted to grab his hand but decided I better play it safe. I didn't want Doug mad at me!
The screams got louder as the door was opened up. We piled out as the guards kept the girls back. We were in the lobby and everything was going great until Justin finally spoke up.
"Hey everyone! How ya'll doin'?" The crowd broke into a frenzy and surged forward. "Would ya'll like some autographs?" He smiled at the crowd as the performer in him took over. "Well don't be shy, come on up. Let the ladies through, gentlemen!" As the guards stood down as a rush of young girls came running forward.
"Oh God Justin. You are so beautiful. I love you so much. I have pictures of you all over my room. I listen to your CD every night. Oh my God, I can't believe this." A pretty teenager was standing next to Justin and rambled on and on until he handed her poster back to her.
"Well I'm glad you like us so much. Why don't you see if the other guys will sign your poster." To her it probably sounded like a question but I could hear the authority behind his voice - it was an order. I laughed as I realized that the guys had grown so accustomed to the fame that they knew exactly how to take control of the situation without making the girls feel bad. Within 10 seconds the first girl was away from Justin and the next stood in her place. I just stood back and watched in awe as everyone threw on their performer's smile and did their thing.
Ten minutes later everyone was satisfied and we made our way to the elevator. I stood next to JC again and felt him press into me. I liked the warmth of his body as he reached down to grab my hand. I look back and smiled at him as I softly pursed my lips. He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss but pulled away before any of the guys could say anything.
We walked out into the hallway and everyone sighed from exhaustion.
"No clubs tonight," Lance moaned. "I need to get some sleep."
"I hear ya," Chris answered back. "Night guys."
Everyone yelled good night as Chris, Joey, and Lance entered their own rooms. Justin, Adam, JC, and I were left standing in the hallway. JC and I were still holding hands as Adam pulled his key card out and opened the door.
"So are you planning on staying in JC's room tonight?" Justin asked curiously.
I looked over at him and saw the same look as in the limo. My mind started running full speed as I thought of different things. "Could he be jealous of JC and I? Could he have a crush on me? Oh God, I bet it's JC. He has a crush on JC." My mind was overflowing with thoughts so I forced myself to stop. I focused my attention on JC and read his thoughts.
"No...." I said very slowly. "I think I'll stay in Adam's room and talk with him for awhile. He's leaving tomorrow morning and I want to say goodbye." I looked into JC's eyes and was relieved when I didn't see any jealousy or disappointment.
"Don't worry about a thing, Matt. I understand what you have to do with Adam and I'm cool with it." He smiled at me as he continued. "I mean he's been like a father to all of us for a long time and I know how hard it is going to be for me to say goodbye." He leaned over as our lips connected once again. I held this one for a few seconds before I started rubbing his back. We broke off slowly as he whispered in my ear. "I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"
"Definitely!"
Justin slowly walked off as JC slipped out of my grasp. I turned to Adam and we walked into our room. He sighed as he sat down on the bed and slipped his shoes off.
"What an interesting evening!" he started.
I had a dazed expression on my face as I slowly stripped off my shirt and pulled off my shoes. I put on an old t-shirt that I used to sleep in and sunk into the big recliner.
"Yeah, it was definitely interesting." I looked over at him and grinned. "Why didn't anyone tell me about JC? I thought you were my friend!"
"Hey, don't yell at me," Adam laughed. "Lance and I knew from the start what was happening but we decided not to say anything. Lance talked to both of you and the rest of the guys talked to JC but we decided to let you guys run your course. I wasn't going to push you into anything you weren't ready for."
"So you were just looking out for me?" I asked curiously. "That's really sweet of you....how can I be angry at you for doing that?" I paused to let my thoughts form. "Well, it doesn't matter. Everything has turned out all right." My eyes slowly closed as I remembered the past few hours. "God, it was so romantic Adam. We were looking at the painting and suddenly we were holding hands....then he looked into my eyes and I felt like I was floating in a cloud. He asked me what I was thinking about, so I told him everything - my attraction to him, my daydreams of the two of us together, everything. And then he pulled his hands away....As I think of it now I know it was because he was just a little shocked that I did have feelings for him. But at the time...."I paused as I caught my breath in a shudder. "Anyway, then he wiped away my tears and leaned in for a kiss. It was so sweet and gentle....he didn't push anything. I was shocked that he felt the same way, but then he leaned in again and I wasn't going to let him get away....Oh man Adam, I've never felt like this before. Just being by him makes me happy inside. I feel like I can do anything." I slowly stopped as the story was over. I opened my eyes and looked over at Adam sitting on the bed. He looked a little sad.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"Nothing, really. I'm just so happy for you guys, yet so lonely at the same time. I'm not trying to be mean but you're only 18...." he paused as a questioning look covered my face. "I'm 28 and I've never been in a long-term relationship. I haven't found that one man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm just a little sad that I can't have what you have right now." I felt the sadness coming from his voice so I stood up and walked over to him.
"That does suck, Adam. But that's also life. Some people are lucky and others have to wait a little longer. I'm not even sure if JC is the one," I paused as the realization sunk in. "I mean I hope to God he is....he makes me feel so good....but I have to be truthful and realize that I have no idea how things will end." I pulled him in for a hug and finished in a whisper. "You just have to be strong and keep your heart open. You'll find someone soon." We released each other as he wiped a tear from his face.
"I know, I'm just going on a pity trip here for a second." He looked at his watch and let out a sigh. We really need to get to bed, it's really late." He stood up and walked into the bathroom to change while I pulled out my contacts and got under the covers. Before he even opened the door I was out. My dreams were sweet tonight - I saw JC's dark blue eyes, dark skin, and wonderful smile. I heard his sweet voice singing lullabies while I slept. There were no thoughts of Mark, or dark alleys, or rape. I was happy and I wasn't going to let anything take that away from me.
To be continued....