I shook off my bad dream and got dressed for the meeting in Lance's room. JC, Lance and Justin, naturally were already there scarfing down food as though they'd never eat again. When I came in, they all looked up.
"Hey, Ryan, what's up?" JC asked.
"Not too much for me. You guys ready for rehearsal?" I asked, helping myself to a large platter of bacon and eggs.
"Sure are," Lance told me. "You've never seen one of our rehearsals, have you?"
"Nope," I replied. "I'm looking forward to it. Just don't wear yourselves out. Tomorrow's going to be huge."
"No problem, man," Justin told me confidently but with a mouthful of cereal. "We've all got lots of energy. We like doing this, so it makes it go by easier." He seemed a little pensive.
"Justin, you have a lot of energy because you're always eating." The others laughed and he smiled a little. "I don't know about the rest of the guys, but if I had to do what you guys did, I'd be exhausted."
"Nah, like Curly said, we love to do it." JC assured me.
We all looked up from our food when Chris and Joey walked in.
"Ah, the lovebirds arrive," Lance joked.
"Sorry guys, we... uh..." Joey started.
"...Lost track of time!" Chris finished for him.
We all laughed at their obviously staged humiliation and I told them "make sure you get sleep TONIGHT, then. All that banging kept me up, too." Everyone laughed again and once Joey and Chris got their breakfast, the meeting got serious. I just sat next to Justin, trying not to sit too close and listened, since I couldn't have helped out. They talked about the order of the songs they were going to perform, some of the choreography, and other technical stuff that I just really didn't understand. JC and Lance did most of the talking. I was surprised that Justin really didn't add too much. But it still felt great to be included.
"How long do rehearsals usually last?" I asked the group in general.
"Well, I dunno. It depends." Joey replied.
"On what?"
Chris jumped in. "On how much Justin here screws up!" Everyone laughed except for Justin, who looked outraged.
"Screw up? Me?" He spluttered. "I'm the one who all the girls scream for! I could just shake my ass and they wouldn't care!" I broke out laughing. He had said it with such superiority that I couldn't hold it in.
"I thought that's all you did anyway, Curly. The others dance, you... shake." I managed between laughs. JC, Joey, Chris and Lance giggled at that, but Justin just turned red and said almost sadly, "Jeez, Ryan, I didn't expect you to AGREE with that!"
"But it was so easy," I had to inform him. We all laughed again and he giggled. All in all, I think that the laughter got rid of any tension. (God knows it wasn't all that funny-sounding, but I guess you had to have been there.)
We left to go to the rehearsal. A large black limo pulled up and I looked around. It was my first time in such a big limo and I think it showed because the guys immediately started giving me a hard time about the look on my face. This thing was great! It had a TV/VCR, wet bar and the seats were so comfy, I'd want them in my house as a couch. I fully enjoyed the short ride over and I thought about how lucky I was to be able to go around with these guys. I looked at Joey more carefully. He was joking around with Chris and JC, naturally, but when I saw his face and goofy grin, I realized just how much I really owed him. I've been having the time of my life and it's only been a couple of days since I met everyone.
JC, Joey, Lance and Chris were chatting away, and Justin was staring out the window, so I asked if Fatima was going to be at the rehearsal, and I got at resounding "NO!" with a hint of "thank God!" to it.
"We pretty much know what we're going to do, Ry," Justin told me softly. "We're really just going to practice. We may make a few changes, but nothing really major. Fatima will be waiting for us when we get back to Orlando." Everyone groaned at the reminder.
"OK, I just wasn't sure." I thought about it. "So, this is just a dress rehearsal, basically?"
"Yep," Joey told me. "They usually aren't too bad. Wait'll you see tomorrow night!"
"I know, I know."
As we got to the Garden, the guys got out, and I followed close behind. I looked around at the stage, the lighting and all the electronics. -This is gonna be cool-I thought. The manager was ready for the guys and told them that the electrical equipment was ready, for the most part, so if they needed their music, they'd have it.
So they went to the dressing room and changed into comfortable clothing. Justin came out wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a tight white t-shirt that REALLY showed off his chest.
My mouth almost dropped. He was so gorgeous! I guess by now, I'd resigned myself to being gay, especially `cause I wouldn't have to tell my family. I just stared at Justin. Damn, he was fine! I just wished that he and I could get together. Ah, well...
As they danced to "Tearin' Up My Heart," I stood off to the side, where no one could see me, and started to watch very closely. Maybe if I could learn to dance like them, I wouldn't be so embarrassed when we'd go clubbing. I did a horrible job, but at least no one noticed. After "Tearin' Up My Heart," they went into "Here We Go," and then "Giddy Up."
I applauded after each one; Joey would give me a grin and bow, Lance would smile a little and nod his headd, Chris and JC both laughed, and Justin? Well, Justin gave me a little smile and a wink...
I saw the wink and just thought-did I just see that? He can't be gay! Oh God, let him please be gay. Please!-and gave a half-smile in response.
The rehearsal went on for a few more hours and then we got ready to go back to the hotel. Joey and Justin looked wistfully at the snack table, but I blocked their path and reminded them of dinner. Once we got back to the hotel, we all went to our rooms to get showered and dressed.
I only got dressed, since I really didn't get too sweaty and wanted to take a shower right before bed instead. So I pulled on a nice pair of black pants and a white and black button-down shirt and reconfirmed our reservation. Once I was ready, I went to Chris's room. I knocked on his door, and there was Joey, grinning at me and wearing a couple of towels. I snorted. "What are you doing in there NOW? Couldn't you wait until later?" I tried my best to sound exasperated. He laughed. "Sure, but just `cause I could have doesn't mean I wanted to!" Then he dropped the towels and was wearing navy blue pants and a gray polo shirt with navy lines.
I arched one eyebrow and looked him up and down very slowly until he blushed. I giggled when he did and asked if Chris was ready.
"Yep. Just letting Joey have some fun," replied a voice behind Joey. Chris was dressed in Khaki pants and a light blue denim shirt, and even had his hair down! Whoa! "Let's go!"
We went to the other's rooms: Joey went to JC's room, Chris went to Lance's and I got to go to Justin's room. I knocked and heard a muffled voice say, "just a minute." Then he opened the door. Wow! He was dressed in stone- colored corduroys and had a sky blue silk shirt on. I tried not to bug out in front of him. I just smiled and said, "Blue is your color, Curly."
He fluttered his eyelashes at me and asked in a little-girl voice, "Do you really think so? AIEEEE!" and rushed into my arms for a hug.
THAT caught me off guard and I stepped back, surprised but very happy when he stopped and laughed. I started laughing too and he clapped me on the back as we went to the elevator. The ride up to the fortieth floor was really short, but we had to go down to the ninth floor first.
The people waiting in line looked at the guys and one girl was about to scream, so I ushered them into the elevator before they got swarmed under.
"Thanks, man. That was close," Chris said.
"No problem. Now I hope you guys are hungry."
I got a chorus of "uh-huh's" and the door opened. We got led straight to the table, right next to the window. I sat across the table from Justin, wedged in between Chris and JC, and just stared at his eyes. After only a few seconds a waitress came by and we ordered our drinks.
"I'll have a Sprite," Joey said.
"I'll take a Coke." That was Lance.
"Can I have some lemonade?" JC asked.
"I'll have a Sprite, too." Chris said.
Justin and I both ordered iced tea and half-smiled at each other.
"So, what do you think of the view?" I asked them.
"It's pretty cool. There's so much light." JC answered.
"Just wait a few minutes." I told him smugly.
"Why?"
"Just watch."
So we all gazed out the window and sure enough, the Empire State Building slowly slid into view, with lights blazing.
"Cool," someone said; it sounded like Joey, but I couldn't really hear it.
"So this place revolves?" Lance asked me.
"Yeah, but slowly so no one loses their dinner. It's one of the best views in New York. That's why it's called `The View.'" I told him. They laughed at my mastery of the obvious and we got ready to order. There was steak and chicken galore, but I stuck to ordering a lobster tail.
We all talked about the upcoming concert and the rest of the tour (except for Justin, who still seemed preoccupied) while we waited for our food, and soon enough, it came. Just like the last time I was there, the food was perfect. Everyone enjoyed it so much, conversation completely stopped for a little while.
When we were comfortably full, I asked the guys about how they got interested in music and how they got started, all the stuff like that. We talked for hours and plowed through dessert. Strangely, the New York Cheesecake was a really popular order. Anyway, we kept talking our pasts and interests and favorite types of music until I looked at my watch and saw how late it was-it was nearly midnight. So we all got up and ready to leave. I looked at the check and my eyes widened in surprise. I knew the place was expensive, but... whoa. Then I shrugged. What's the use of money if you can't spend it on your friends? So I paid the check, despite the protests of everyone else with me. I turned to Joey and Chris.
"You guys bought me the clothes. It's your fault that you aren't paying for dinner. You only get to pay for one, and you chose the clothes." I said in a lofty tone. "Next time, you might want to think about things a little better." And we all laughed as we went back down to our floor.
I told the guys, "I really don't sleep that much, but when I do, it can be really hard to wake me up. So if you need me for any reason, my door's open as long as I'm in the room. OK?" They all nodded and I said goodnight to them again.
Then I went back to my room. I sighed and decided that a shower before bed was the right choice to make. So I slowly, wearily stripped off my clothes and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Out of habit, I forgot to even think of locking either door.
I had been in the shower for a few minutes when the bathroom door opened. "Ryan?" Justin's voice queried. I yelped and hid behind the shower curtain. He giggled. "Your door was open."
"I always leave it open when I'm in the room, remember?" I told him, my face still red. "What's up?"
"We need to talk." He sounded serious, so I turned off the water and wrapped the fluffy white towel around my waist and stepped out, still dripping. "Nice towel," he smirked at me. I blushed again.
"What's bothering you, J?" I asked, concerned. He was so serious all of a sudden, and I hoped he didn't find out I thought he was hot and was going to yell at me.
"Ryan, I've been thinking about something that happened last night."
"Uh... what happened last night?"
"Well, I had a really weird dream," he said. I got a sudden chill and shivered. He noticed it and said, "Man, you look cold. I forgot you just got out of the shower," and he pulled the blanket off the bed around me. When he did that his hands ran down my bare arms and I felt a jolt shoot through me. I shivered again. "Are you gonna be OK?" He sounded concerned.
"I'll be fine," I told him. "What was this dream about?"
"It's strange," he started.
"That's OK," I interrupted.
"Just don't take this the wrong way, please." He sounded afraid for some reason.
"I promise, Curly. Tell me what's been bothering you all day."
"Well in my dream, I dreamt that you and I were going out-" he stopped, "Don't get upset, OK? I mean it was just a dream."
I nodded. "I won't."
He smiled, relived. "OK. We were desperately in love with each other, and nothing could separate us. It was the best feeling in my life. But then, the rest of the guys interrupted our date.
"'I hate to say this,' JC told us, `but management has found out about you Justin, and they've decided on it...' he trailed off, not liking the subject.
"'They wanted us to tell you that this is a danger to the group and that you'd have to stop seeing Ryan.' Chris finished for him, also seeming very uncomfortable.
"What!' I exploded. Are you kidding me? We are in love! There's no way that I'm going to stop seeing him!' I was so upset, I didn't know what to do.
"'If you don't,' Joey told me, you're going to be asked to leave the group.' I just stared at him; I couldn't believe that they'd put me through a decision like this. Tears filled his eyes as I started to cry. He looked at you and said, I'm sorry Ryan, but none of us want that. Please leave.' I would rather have had you and I was about to go ape-shit on him when you grabbed my shoulder.
They're right, Justin.' You said to me seriously, and then you started to cry, just like when I first met you, like when I first held you. You can't let me come between you and the guys. And you can't let me ruin your career. I don't want that to happen to you.' I just stared at you. Were you abandoning me too? Then the whole scene started to fade away. But just before everything vanished, someone put his arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me, since I was crying so hard. Then you were gone and I was alone in a cold, empty place." I shuddered. This was too weird.
He saw my shudder and said, "Ryan, don't get upset, man. I know you're not gay, and don't worry, `cause I'm not either. I just thought it was strange; I've never had a dream like this before, and you're in this one."
"It's OK, Justin." I told him, thinking very hard.
CHAPTER 8
I definitely felt something weird as he finished his story. What's up with that? I thought. Is he bullshitting me?
But Justin looked afraid, as though I was going to go off on him or something.
"Justin, what are you so upset about?"
"Well, I don't want to lose your friendship because you might... think I'm gay," he answered sadly.
"Oh, man, I'm not going to do that."
"You won't?" He asked hopefully.
"Hell no. You do know that even straight people have gay dreams, right?" He shook his head. "Well they do. And even if you were gay," I thought-I wish- "it wouldn't mess up our friendship. Something like that shouldn't matter. Besides," I added, "you told me something very personal and frightening for you. That makes me so proud that you chose to tell me. It shows how great a friendship we have."
"I told you since I figured if you were in it, you should know about it." He told me. "But you shuddered," he added, distressed. "It must have grossed you out."
"Justin, I shuddered because of something else." I sighed. "I wasn't sure how to say this, but since you brought it up first, what the hell..."
Before I started, I realized something-the towel wasn't much of a cover. Oh shit!!!-I thought, embarrassed. I flushed from head to toe. Justin noticed this and looked at me funny. "What's wrong?" he asked.
I just shook my head. "Nothing."
He looked at me again, and this time he noticed the source of my embarrassment. His eyes bugged a little bit, but he hid it pretty well. "Nothing?" he asked me impishly. "That doesn't look like nothing." He smiled.
I groaned and dove under the covers, hearing his giggling. He went over to my drawer and grabbed a pair of baby blue silk boxers and black sweatpants. "Here, put these on," he told me as he threw them on the bed. My hand snatched out from under the covers, and after some wiggling, I was done. My obvious discomfort was there, but wasn't as noticeable.
"Thanks, man. That was so embarrassing."
He just giggled. "No problem."
"Maybe, but it's hard to get serious when you're embarrassed. And I have to get serious for a second." He stopped giggling and got serious.
"Last night, I had the same dream, Curly. We were going out, everything. Only it was from my point of view instead of yours. I felt the same feelings and I saw the same things."
He stared at me. "Are you serious?"
I nodded. "Oh yeah. I heard the conversation and I reached out for you. I was there, just as much as you were."
"Whoa."
"Weird isn't it? You were in my dream or I was in yours; or else it was something else." I shivered, "Thinking of that really flips me out." "Yeah, I know what you mean." He replied. "So your dream was the same as mine?" "Yep, even down to the time of it. Oh, there is one difference that I can think of..." I trailed off. Should I say it?
"What is it?" he wanted to know.
"Well, you didn't know who put his arm around you to comfort you, right?"
"Right."
"From my point of view, it was Lance, and when he did, he smirked at me."
"Lance?" He exclaimed. "Are you kidding me?" And then he stopped and thought hard. "Lance wouldn't... no, he promised... I mean, he's not... is he?" he mumbled.
I couldn't understand what Justin was saying, but I stared at his blue eyes intently.
"J, is something wrong?" I asked, concerned. "I'm worried. This may sound weird, but I get deja vous a lot and..."
He cut me off, "nothing like that is going to happen, Ry." He assured me confidently. I groaned inside. "Because we aren't gay. And even if we were," he added, "none of the guys would interfere in something like that."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Definitely. But now, I need to go and think of a couple of things."
"Can I help with anything?"
"No, Ry. This is something I think I'm going to have to figure out on my own."
"OK, but if you ever need me, my door is always open." I waited a second. "As you've already found out." I added.
He giggled, but he got up and I walked him out the door. When he left I closed the door, sighed heavily and began to cry. He's not gay-I thought-it'll never happen now.
I ran and flung myself on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Sometime later, I fell asleep.
Justin paused outside my door for a couple of minutes and then walked back to his room slowly. He was thinking very hard about our conversation and hearing me crying got him upset. He had gotten a thrill when I told him about my dream being the same as his and his hopes flared. Maybe I was... no, I wasn't gay. Still, it was really weird and that brought him hope. "But Lance... nah." He muttered to himself. He smiled, finally certain that he had everything figured out. Then, he remembered the look on my face when he told me that he wasn't gay and tears came into his eyes. He absolutely hated lying to anyone, especially to those he loved.
As he opened the door to his room, his eyes opened wide. I love him-he thought-I can't believe it, but I love him! This is great! But, what if he doesn't love me?
That thought sent him flying onto his bed, crying his eyes out. Right before he finally fell asleep, he asked, "What if he doesn't love me?"
In my sleep, I felt Justin's presence come near and then go far, far away from me. In desperation, I cried out "Justin, I love you so much! Please don't leave me!"
Down the hall, Justin bolted upright, his eyes wide...