It was an odd sensation. There were no feelings, yet there was something there. At first I felt like I was floating, then I was very heavy, but I still couldn't see anything. I could feel the end of my fingertips. They were cold and stiff. I tried to move them, but no luck. Then the scent of orchids filled my mind. It was a very beautiful smell, but I didn't know where it came from.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I used all my strength and opened my eyes ever so slightly. The light was so bright that I shut them closed again. A few moments passed and I tried again. I slowly opened my eyes once more and the same bright light blinded me. This time I kept it open and waited until my eyes got used to the light. Once I was comfortable with the brightness, I opened them further.
It was a blur and all I could see was some sort of grey sheet of paper. I focused at what I was looking at and it soon became fluorescent lights. I could make out the long bulbs that were softly glowing in the ceiling as well as the squares which made up the ceiling. I wasn't sure where I was. This was not Kevin's house that's for sure. Rhythmic beeping echoed from the side of my bed.
It was out of my field of vision so I didn't know what it was. I tried to turn my head to the left, but it just wouldn't move. I waited a minute and tried again. This time, I was able to roll my head over to the left. I saw a figure looking out the window. I couldn't really see who the person was because I was still not used to the light. After focusing further, I knew who it was.
"J...J..." I tried to call out, but soft raspy noises were the only thing that came out.
He heard the noise and turned to look at me. Surprised that I was staring right back at him, he immediately sat down next to me.
He smiled softly at me, "Finally awake huh? How're you feeling?"
"F...F...." I spoke out, but I just couldn't say the words.
"Shhh..." he put his finger on my lips, "I see that you're doing fine. You had us all worried..but I knew you'd pull through," he warmly smiled at me.
I looked down on the bed and hung my head, "S..orry.." I wheezed out.
"Don't be sorry," he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "As long as you're okay, it doesn't matter."
Turning my head towards him, I looked into his soft blue eyes and made a small smile. I then looked at the table near me with all the flowers. He turned to see what I was looking at.
"Oh those? All of us brought you flowers at different times...Guess that's why it smells like a garden in here."
I smiled again then frowned, "K...e..vin..."
"Kevin is at a meeting today," he replied, "I'm sure you understand that...Though I feel bad that he's not here with you," I gave a small sigh, "Well, you should get more sleep. By the time you wake up the gang will all be here."
I smiled again and nodded, "Thank...you..."
"Hey..don't worry about it...That's what friends are for," he beamed a smile toward me.
I slid a little bit back into the sheets and he carefully tucked me in. I smiled at him one more time and closed my eyes. I felt a little warmer after seeing a good friend here by my side. I heard his footsteps then the door opening and closing. Then...darkness filled the room again.
I awoke again to the bright light which flooded my room. I assumed that I slept for only a few hours because the sun was still up and everything had a bright glow. Again, the ceiling greeted me and I turned my head. There, reading a book peacefully, was Kevin.
"Ke..v..in.." I rasped out.
Kevin immediately looked at me and put down the book. He leaned over and kissed me on my forehead, "I love you so much," he whispered, "I'm so happy that you're awake."
I looked up into his deep loving green eyes, "...Love...you..."
"Try not to talk so much...The doctor said that you'll probably get your voice back tomorrow."
I nodded.
"Good...well, your friends are out doing the usual routine and I just got back from a meeting. I'll be here for the rest of the day while you get your strength back."
I smiled in agreement.
"Oh...JC will be coming by here later to check up on you too."
The memories of that day...that moment...it all came back in huge flash. I frowned and looked to the other side of the room away from Kevin.
Kevin sighed, "I know that you can't forget what happened between you two, but please...don't stay mad at him."
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could clearly JC's saddened face and the look of hopelessness within it. I opened my eyes and turned to look at Kevin's concerned face.
"I know you...You can never stay mad at anyone," he scratched my nose and I smiled a little, "You have a big heart to ever be mad at anyone."
With that I smiled once again at Kevin and he started to tuck me in. "Now you get some more rest," he sorta ordered me, "I want you to be able to get out of this place and hang out with me."
I smiled and snuggled back into bed.
"Good, while you rest, I'll get everything all ready."
I looked at Kevin oddly.
"Don't worry," he laughed, "You know I won't do anything to ya."
I nodded once more in agreement and closed my eyes. Being awake really drains the energy out of me. No sooner than my eyes closed, I was fast asleep. Kevin stood there for a few minutes and had a smile on his face. He then quietly walked to the door and slipped away.
"Over here," a photographer yelled at the guys.
"Lance look up a little," another one yelled.
"What's the new single you guys are putting out?" a reporter asked.
Lance looked toward in her direction, "The next single coming out is `A Little More Time.'"
"Any dates when it comes out," another person asked.
"We don't really know," Chris answered, "As soon as the video is finished, then it's probably going to be released."
"Any word on tours?"
"Yep," Joey confidently replied, "After the video is done, then we'll start back up on our tour."
"There has been numerous rumors about you being in the hospital...Does this also have to do with JC not being here?" a reporter butted in.
No one really knew what to say, "JC is currently in the studio laying down the final tracks," Justin quickly said, "And yes, we were in the hospital visiting a sick friend."
Another reporter was about to say something, but Lance cut her short, "That'll be all for today. We have to get ready for the video shoot."
Lights flashed and flickered as the guys smiled and waved one more time to the crowd. All of them turned to a door which were slightly behind them and stepped through. The room is a waiting area of sorts. It's a place where people can wait while the crowd dies down. It wasn't overly furnished, but had the basic couch, table, chairs, etc.
Chris was the first one to plop on the couch, "Man that was rough," he groaned.
"Yeah," Joey agreed and poured himself some water, "Those guys are being brutal today."
"Well...everyone is talking about the new single that we are releasing," Lance pointed out.
Justin walked across the room and sat down on one of the chairs. Lance eyed him oddly.
Justin looked up, "What?" he inquired.
"Umm..nothing really," Lance stuttered out, "Wasn't expecting that the hospital question thing to be answered...that's all."
"Why not?" Justin commented, "I mean, no one knows who Mano is and besides, Kevin's there to make sure that he won't be bothered."
"Yeah, I'm so relieved that he's going to be all right," Joey added.
Chris looked towards Justin, "Do you know what really happened?"
A little taken back by Chris' question, "Uhh...I think it would be better if you talked to Mano or JC about it."
"Since you know about it, I want to know about it too."
"No," Justin replied stubbornly, "It would be best if you talked to Mano or JC."
"Why? He's my friend too and I want to know what the hell happened."
"Because..." Justin started.
"Because he doesn't have the right to say anything," Lance interrupted.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris replied getting annoyed.
"It means," Joey answered, "That whatever happened between JC and Mano is their business. If they want to let us know...then they'll tell us. In the mean time...you shouldn't pry into the matter...it could get worse as it is."
Chris thought about what he was doing, "Yeah...I guess you guys are right. If they wanted for us to know, then they'll say something about it. I guess I shouldn't pry."
"No biggie," Lance assured Chris, "I want to know like the next guy around here, but if I snoop around too much, it might make things worse."
Everyone contemplated the thought for a while.
"Sounds like the crowd died down," Joey spoke up.
"Yeah...we should be going on to our next appointment," Lance got up from his seat.
"Woo hoo," Chris exaggerated, "Another photoshoot."
"Another one?" Justin complained, "When do we eat?"
Everyone laughed as they headed out the door. It was gonna be one of those days again.
It was getting late, even for JC. He'd been in the studio since he got there and only took a short break to eat lunch. Time passed slowly when he wanted it to and passed far too quickly when he didn't. He was relieved to be getting out of that hell hole and even more so to visit me in the hospital.
The day came and went and it was time for JC to get out of the studio. Thought of going to the hospital occupied his mind when Kevin called and said the good news. Not only were there thoughts of joy, but one of concern as well. The fear of not knowing what will happen when he finally sees me again. The thought of rejection and uncertainty lingered in JC's mind. That didn't matter. As long as he could see me once again, that's all that mattered.
The drive to the hospital was filled with fear and anticipation. The closer he got, the more anxious he became. It seemed to take forever to get there. Soon enough, the hospital came into view and it was either all or nothing. `Will he forgive me?' JC thought. He wouldn't know the answer till he stepped into the room.
JC parked the jeep in the garage and headed to the room. His heart beat faster the closer he got my room. Then all too soon, he was staring at the door. JC placed his hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath. The door clicked open and stepped through.
I looked up to see who it was coming in at this late in the day. Then, the unmistakable leather jacket sleeve was in view. I immediately knew that it was JC. I wasn't overly excited to see him, but I didn't want him not to come either. He slowly entered the room making sure that no eye contact was made. He quickly closed the door and sat down on a chair next to the table a little ways from me.
It was an awkward moment. JC looked at the ground while I looked at the bed. Many a times I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. We could hear the cars pass by through the open window as well as the footsteps of the passing nurses and doctors.
"H..hi Mano," JC nervously said.
"Hello," I replied, my voice starting to come back.
"So...How're you feeling?" JC recoiled at his question knowing it was a stupid one to ask.
"Um..." I thought for an answer, "Kevin said that I can get out of the hospital by tomorrow morning."
"That's good," JC sighed a little, "Are you going to go home right away or stay till you have to go?"
"Kevin says that I should stay till I get a little better," I softly replied.
"That's good," JC repeated.
I just looked down at the sheets not really wanting to say anything. JC was afraid to say anything, but the silence made us both uncomfortable.
"Uh..Mano?" JC softly asked.
"Yeah?"
"I..I.." he stuttered out, "I..I'm so sorry."
I looked up and turned towards JC, "Sorry for what?"
JC looked at me in dismay, "For you being here...For you being sick."
"That's not your fault," I said, "I'm the one who was in the rain and I'm the one who go sick. You didn't do anything to make me get sick."
"But..but you don't understand," JC begged.
"Understand what? Seems clear to me," I looked back down towards the sheets.
"Mano...I..." he stuttered out once again, "Mano...I love you..."
I sat there in silence for a minute. Not really feeling or thinking what going on.
Then I looked back up and stared at the door across the bed, "I don't believe you."
As if a bus just ran over him, JC was in total shock, "Mano..."
"JC.." I turned to look at him, "I'm not mad at you. I can never be mad at you. You've helped me in more ways than you could ever imagine. I already got my answer. I asked you once and you said no..."
"But I didn't say no," JC begged, "I was scared...I didn't know what to say."
"I asked you the question and you looked down...Isn't that the answer?"
"But I didn't say anything," he defended himself.
"That's true...so I took your silence as a no."
"Please you've got to believe me...I do love you," JC pleaded.
I looked back down to the sheets, "I wish I could...but I can't right now."
"Mano...no...please..." he begged loudly.
I couldn't take it anymore...I couldn't stand to see him so miserable and so sincere. I was about to say something when the door clicked open. We quickly looked up and saw the guys come in.
"Hey Mano!" Joey cheerfully said.
"Hi guys," I put on my fake smile.
JC quickly wiped the tears in his eyes, "Hey guys."
"Hey JC," Lance smiled at him, "Glad that you're here too."
JC smiled back.
Lance, Justin, Joey and Chris filed in the room.
"How're you feeling?" Chris asked.
"I'm doing good. Kevin says I can get out of here by tomorrow morning."
"That's great," Justin commented, "We'll all be relieved when you're out of the hospital."
"Yup yup. It worries us that you're in here," Lance added.
"So..." Chris started, "Are you going to spend the rest of your stay here with Kevin."
"I think so," I replied, "He said that he set aside everything so that he could take care of me till I get better."
"Oh," Justin said kinda down, "Guess we're not gonna spend time with you then after all."
"I dunno. I still could be able to. It depends on Kevin."
"Oh..ok.."
"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, "I thought you would be asleep by now."
"Well..." Joey started, "We wanted to see how you were doing after we heard the good news. We were kinda afraid that you were asleep."
I smiled at the guys, "Thanks for being here for me. I don't know what I would have done without you."
JC made a slight frown and Justin noticed.
"Well...Looks like you're doing just fine," Justin quickly changed the subject, "I guess its time for us to get some sleep too."
"Yeah..he's right," Lance commented, "We're gonna start on production and hopefully we can wrap it up in two days."
"Okay then...thanks for stopping by," I smiled at them.
"Hey...no problem," Chris chuckled.
"Be safe," Joey added.
"Nite Mano," JC said normally.
"Nite all," I replied.
Everyone tried to leave the room as quietly as they came in, but ended up chatting the whole way out. JC slowly stood up from his seat and looked at me one more time. I didn't look back at him and just stared at the bed.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled out and headed out the door.
Once the door clicked shut and the footsteps faded, tears flowed forth. I sat there holding my knees. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear seeing him so miserable and so sincere. "Why?" I asked myself, "Why do I still care?" I lay back down and cried myself to sleep that night.
"Wake up," someone whispered in my ear.
I tossed a little, but didn't really wake up.
"Mano...wake up," he whispered in my ear again.
This time I slowly opened my eyes and saw Kevin beaming down a smile on me.
"Morning Kev," I yawned out.
"Hey Mano..guess what time it is?"
"What time is it?" I giggled.
"Time for you to get yourself out of here."
I smiled at him, "Good...I'm getting sick of the food here."
Kevin laughed, "I bet you do. I brought you some clothes to wear too."
"Thanks Kevin."
I put on the shirt, sweater, socks, and sweats he gave me. Even though it was warm outside, Kevin didn't want to take any chances of me getting sick again. I looked at myself for a bit.
"These are a bit big," I commented.
Kevin snickered, "Heh...I thought you a tad bit bigger. Guess I'm not that good at picking clothes."
I reached out and gave him a big hug, "No...you're the best."
I broke away and he smiled at me, "Thanks...Now can you get out of the bed yourself?"
"I think I can..." I thought about it, "Don't help me unless I'm in trouble."
"Stubborn as always," he laughed, "I won't help unless you're gonna fall or something."
"Yeah yeah."
I put my hands on the bed for support and slowly swung my legs around. They dangled a bit while I caught my breath. Jeez I was out of shape. Slowly, I leaned over and my toe touched the tile floor. Kevin was there ready to help me at a moment's notice. I inched a bit further and managed to put my foot on the floor. Then I leaned again and had both feet down. I started to slip forward cause I was wearing socks. Kevin immediately noticed this and stopped me from slipping. He helped me onto the wheelchair without any more incidents and wheeled me out of the room.
We chatted about a bunch of things. Ranging from the days back in Kentucky to the fishing trip that we never got a chance to go. We also talked about his career and how he liked it. Kevin asked me how I was doing in California and all that stuff in-between. It was nice to see and to talk to Kevin again. I missed him so much.
"And that's a wrap!" the director yelled.
"Finally," Chris groaned.
"No kidding," Joey added, "Doing those shots over and over."
"Not that," Chris turned to Joey, "It's these monkey suits that we have to wear."
"Hahaha....That too."
"Gotta admit," Lance added, "The set is really cool."
"Yup. We're done with our part and it's the other actors' turn for their filming," Justin spoke.
"Good thing our part is short," Chris commented.
"And the good thing," Justin added, "We can eat lunch too."
"Very cool," Joey added.
Lance looked around, "Where did JC go?"
Everyone else looked around as well, "I dunno," Joey said, "Prolly cut out in a hurry."
"I bet," Chris said, "Prolly to see Mano or something."
Justin got fed up with his attitude, "Yeah so what if he did?"
"I'm pretty much fed up about what's going on between Mano and JC. And you're not helping."
"Hey hey," Joey interrupted, "This is not the time nor the place to fight."
"We're not fighting," Chris defended himself, "We're having a discussion about what is going on between Mano and JC," Chris looking in Justin's direction.
"Didn't I establish that it's not our business to snoop around?" Lance interjected.
"And of course we never had to when we didn't keep secrets from each other," Chris replied taking off his white trench coat.
Everyone quietly stood there not really doing anything. Justin sat on a chair nearby and hung his head down.
"What do you want to know," he softly said.
Surprised by his actions...the rest of the guys looked towards Justin in amazement.
"You mean..." Chris stuttered out, "You mean you wanna talk about it."
Justin took a deep breath, "If it stops us from fighting so damn much...then might as well."
"Are you sure you want to?" Lance asked.
Justin nodded.
"So..." Chris nervously looked at the other guys, "Uh...what is between Mano and JC?"
Tension and silence lingered in air. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.
"JC..." Justin started, "...JC is in love with Mano," he said quickly and in a hushed tone.
No one said a thing. Justin looked up and saw everyone's faces. A combination of awe, astonishment, and confusion.
"JC's in love..." Chris softly replied, "With Mano?"
Justin nodded his head.
"Who would have thought?" Joey commented, "So if he's in love with Mano...why is he so depressed and all?"
Justin didn't know how to make out the reactions of the guys, "I dunno. That's all I know. JC is in love with Mano."
Lance let out a silent sigh and looked at the ground.
"Ah I see..." Chris said, "But what if Mano doesn't feel the same way?"
"Could be," Justin spoke, "But I didn't want to say anything to JC."
Lance looked up at Chris. He felt sort of happy about the news, but felt guilty about it.
"Well in any case," Joey started, "JC doesn't know that we know. So we have to play dumb till he tell us himself."
"But shouldn't we help him?" Justin asked.
"I think JC would think that you betrayed his trust," Lance said a matter of factly.
"How so?" Chris inquired.
"Well..Justin is the only one who knows and now we all know...That means that Justin told us everything. I don't think I would ever tell him a secret again."
"Yeah..." Joey agreed, "He's right...we have to keep this to ourselves for a little while."
"Now..." Chris started to remove his suit, "Was that so painful?"
Justin shrugged his shoulders.
Chris put his hand on Justin shoulder, "I know you were protecting him. None of us are keeping any secrets from each other so now we can help each other out."
"Yeah..." Justin sighed, "I guess you're right."
"Enough excitement for one day," Joey started, "Lets get out of these things and go grab something to eat."
"Good idea," Chris replied.
The group agreed and left the area to get themselves changed.
JC drove down the congested freeways and roads trying to get to the hospital. He would have been there 30 minutes ago, but the traffic was slowing him down. Many a times he wanted to weave in and out of lanes, but he knew that would be reckless and stupid. Time was ticking and he knew it. JC knew that I would be getting out of the hospital today but didn't know when. `Hope he's still there,' he thought as he passed by more cars on the road.
The sun was high in the sky and it was quite a beautiful day. JC didn't notice the cloudless sky or the blazing sun, he just kept driving. Getting fed us with the crowded conditions, he turned into the next exit and thought it would be faster to get to the hospital. Along the streets, children were playing about and people were strolling and chatting with each other. Couples were holding hands while walking down the street. JC watched the people as he passed by and sighed.
Since the roads weren't that crowded, he drove at a constant speed and soon enough, the building where I was supposed to be in came into view. While parking the jeep, he noticed a small crowd gathered at the entrance. JC didn't think much of it and parked his jeep at the back of the place so that no one would see him.
He entered the hospital and tried to make his way to the elevator. It took JC a while to find it cause he had never entered through the back and was constantly getting lost. Eventually he found a set of elevators and pushed the button. He could see the numbers decrease as the elevator came down to the lobby. The doors swung open and he stepped through. Pushing the floor where the room is, the doors closed and musak filled the tiny compartment.
JC looked at himself from the reflection of the metal elevator doors and noticed that he was still wearing his clothes from the video shoot. He still had his white shirt, pants, shoes and trench coat. He giggled to himself amazed that he was wearing all white and no one noticed. Guess it's a new type of fad. The elevator chimed and the doors opened.
He walked down the hallways passing by room after room. Many people were about, nurses getting files, people wheeling food and doctors talking to other doctors. JC finally reached the room and slowly opened the door to the room. He stepped in and saw that I wasn't in bed. The bed was still not made so he assumed that I had left recently. Prolly at Kevin's by now,' he thought, But that's not a good place to talk.'
Just as he was about to leave the room, he noticed the orchids on the table. The orchids lost its beautiful golden color. The sharp features of the soft and delicate petals lost it's luster. The only thing left in the vase was 4 wilted flowers with brown petals slowly falling onto the cold tile floor....