Chapter 23: Memories
JC slowly walked along the trail with his horse in tow. He didn't bother to look up and just stared at the small rocks which dotted the path. He felt sick, really sick. Thoughts of the good times that he had, flooded back in full force. All the times which he felt totally happy and content slowly disappeared from his mind. All that was left was a void in his heart.
"You think he's mad at us?" Chris asked worriedly.
"I think so," Lance replied, "You guys saw how he was out of it the whole time he was here."
"I suppose," Joey started, "What if he was thinking about the video and stuff like that?"
"Doubt it," Justin replied, "I have this feeling that he thinks of his friends before himself and that he left so that we wouldn't know if we hurt his feelings or not."
"I guess..." Chris said, "Let's ask JC what happened when he gets here."
"Yeah, that's probably the only way to really know what happened," Lance agreed.
"In either case, I hope he's all right," Justin sighed.
"Don't worry about him," Nathan said taking a bite of some fruit, "I'm sure it's no big deal."
"I suppose," Justin replied.
"If he's as good as a friend as I think that he is, everything is going to be fine...Now, let's not dwell on it too much," Nathan said confidently.
"Yeah..guess you're right," Justin smiled a little and Nathan smiled as well.
Everyone chatted for a few more minutes, "Hey," Joey said, "Here comes JC."
JC saw everyone and mustered enough strength to fake his way through the day, "Hey, did I miss much?" he said rather happily.
Everyone looked at him in wonder, "How did it go?" Lance curiously asked.
"It went pretty well," JC replied as he sat back down, "I apologized to him and he understood, but time was running out and he had to go right away."
"Oh really?" Chris questioned, "He's not mad at us?"
"Why should he?" JC questioned back, "He knew that it was a joke and had to take it in."
"So...everything's cool," Joey responded cautiously.
"Yup," JC replied, "Could you pass the sandwiches?"
Everyone still looked at him with awe, but complied with his request. Slowly, everyone resumed their pre-picnic mood. It was difficult at first, but as they got accustomed to JC's mood and behavior, it was pretty easy to do. They guys were shooting each other with Nerf toys as well as playing football and the like. Hours passed before one of them noticed the light beginning to fade.
Joey looked up into the sky, "You guys," everyone stopped and listened to him, "I think it would be a good time for us to go."
Lance looked up in the sky as well, "Yeah, it looks like it's gonna rain."
"Man," Chris complained, "Just as we were having a good time too."
"Oh well," JC added, "There's always next time."
"Yeah...next time," Justin said under his breath.
Nathan looked at him oddly.
"We'd better get a move on with the stuff," Jay commented.
"Sure," Joey replied, "I'll help ya with the stuff."
Everyone quickly and methodically gathered all of their belongings and stored them in large containers. All of them saddled up and noticed that there was an extra horse still tied up. Not really thinking about it, they took it along with them as they headed back to the base. Once they reached the base, all of them checked in their horses and proceeded to go to their cars. Justin and Chris were in one, Lance and Jay were in another, JC and his girlfriend was in one and Joey was by himself in his car. Each of them said their good-byes and departed in their separate ways.
An hour later, Justin, Chris, Nathan and JC were moping around the house having really nothing to do. The rain was hard and fierce. The knocking of the water rattling on the window panes indicated a very strong thunderstorm. It was a typical storm for this time of year.
"It's a pretty bad storm," Justin commented, "Good thing that we made it back in time."
"Yeah," JC sighed, "Good thing."
JC was sitting near the window looking at the glass. He could see the water slide down as the drops of rain made contact. He could see the large tree outside of the house washing away like paint off a canvas. The swirls of water kept forming an image of a face. A sad and heart broken face which he knew would never be happy again.
Justin looked at him oddly trying to make out what was going on through his mind. He knew that if he asked too many questions, JC would get very upset and defensive. He didn't want that to happen. There was already enough going on that he didn't want to compound things. So he let it go and made a mental note to come back to it when the time was right. After a brief silence, the phone rang.
"Hello," Justin picked up.
"Hey Just, it's Lance," Lance said through the phone.
"Hi Scoop, what's up?"
"I was just wondering if Mano is there?" Lance asked hoping that Justin would say yes.
"Um..no he's not. Why do you ask?" replying worriedly.
"Shit," Lance said, "Well, he's not here and I called Joey already and he's not there either."
"What?" Justin replied in confusion, "If he's not here or at your place or at Joey's, then the only place is at the studio, right?"
"That's what feared..." Lance trailed off.
"What? What!" Justin sounding even more worried and JC, Nathan and Chris perked up in his direction.
"You see..." Lance took a deep breath, "There was no meeting today and Mano never went to the studio."
"...." Justin said nothing and stared blankly.
"Justin...Justin!" Lance called him back.
"We..we gotta find him," he stuttered out, "There's this storm going on here and he's out there somewhere."
"I know, I know," Lance started to sound stressed, "Calm down Justin."
"How the hell am I supposed to calm down," he replied angrily.
"Look," in a calm voice, "Let's think this through. We have no idea where he is and all of us are supposed to go looking for him. To top it off, there's a storm warning and it's not advisable to drive right now."
"But..."
Lance cut him off, "Mano is a smart guy, I'm sure that he's fine and hanging out in a mall or somewhere out of the storm."
"I hope you're right," Justin sighed.
"You've got to trust him. He trusted us...we have to do the same."
"Yeah...I know..."
"Either I call you or you'll call me if anything turns up okay?"
"Okay..."
"Good, I'll call up a few people to see if he went there. I'll talk to you later and try to stay calm?"
"I will. Good luck."
"Thanks," Lance hung up the phone.
Justin did the same.
"What was that all about?" Chris asked.
"Well..." Justin was hesitant to say.
"Well what?"
"Mano's still outside somewhere," he softly replied.
Chris' eyes went wide, "What! What do you mean he's still outside!"
"I dunno," Justin replied, "Lance told me that he didn't come back to his place and there was no luck at Joey's either."
"Oh shit..." Chris stood up, "We have to go look for him."
"No," Justin said.
"No? What do you mean no?" peering at Justin.
"Lance said that we should stay calm and that Mano is prolly in a mall somewhere out of the storm. Lance also warned us that it's dangerous to drive cause of the storm warnings."
Chris looked at him in frustration, "Yeah...I suppose he's right," he sighed, "No point in all of us getting hurt cause he might be safe for all we know."
"Yeah...I hope that he's alright," Justin sighed as he sat down on the couch next to Chris. Nathan really didn't know what to say and wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulder.
JC looked at them for a minute and then back through the window, "I'm so sorry..." he whispered, "Please forgive me...."
The windows tapped with the pounding of the of the rain along with the ever-shifting images of the other houses. JC could see the people scurry on the sidewalks trying to get out of the rain as well as the cars creeping along the streets. The sky was grey and foreboding which was illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning. JC was saddened even more with the fact that I was still wandering outside.
Seconds, minutes, hours...it didn't matter how long is was, I just kept walking staring at the ground. It had been a couple of hours since I walked out of the park and not really knowing where I was going. Anywhere was better than here, but at the same time, I didn't want to go anywhere. I got my answer all right...For months I denied it and hoped that it wasn't over, but it was inevitable. What could I offer? The answer..nothing. That was the reality..my reality.
I slowly walked down the street. I really didn't care where I was going, just as long as I kept moving. The sun was slowly blocked by the grey clouds and the light faded away. I didn't notice nor did I care about it. Soon, the drops of water sprinkled the city and the ground was dotted in water. The water fell hard and faster and soon the streets were covered in a layer of rainwater. I didn't notice...I didn't even feel the rain.
I kept on going as my clothes became heavier and heavier with water. I kept going on with my methodical pace and ignored everything which was around me. My mind was numb, my body was numb, my heart was empty...nothing was worth living for anymore. Many people kept yelling at me to get out of the rain as I passed by, but I ignore them. An elderly couple offered me their umbrella, but I also passed them by as if they didn't existed...or I didn't exist. Either way, I kept on going.
Hours passed as I walked through the entire city. The wind blew faster and the rain fell harder, but I kept with the slow pace I started out. I didn't care, I just wanted to get away from everything. Where am I supposed to go? Everything's gone...I can't go back...I can't face him anymore. I couldn't cry...there were no tears to cry...The only I could was to keep walking.
Eventually I came upon an ordinary neighborhood. The leaves were being blown in every direction and water poured down swift and hard. Not a soul was on the streets or on the sidewalks. Everyone had their curtains closed so no one would have to look at the miserable sight outside. I finally had enough sense to look up at a street sign. I read the sign through my drenched hair and the watery condition. The name sounded familiar and I changed directions for no apparent reason.
I walked down the street not really looking for anything. All of the houses looked the same and I wanted to be as far from this place as I possibly can. The light was almost gone and the temperature lowered even more. I knew that it was getting very cold, but I kept on going. Any colder and it would be the same temperature as my heart. So I kept on walking for a few minutes or so passing by house after house.
Then there was a house which seemed very familiar. The closer I got to it, the more I realized that it was the same one that I asked Lance to drive to the first time I was here. I sighed and slowly walked towards it. A car was parked in the driveway so I assumed that someone would be home, but I doubt that it would be him.
I slowly walked up the steps and walked on the porch. A light was on and finally noticed that water was running off my clothes. I took a deep breath and I raised my hand. My hand was shaking from the cold and I concentrated on it until it stopped shaking. I rang the doorbell once. Waiting for a few moments, I rang it again. Dammit,' I thought to myself, There's a car in the driveway. Open the door.' In a futile attempt, I knocked on the door.
Then I heard faint footsteps amongst the falling of the rain. The door unlocked and then it slowly opened. When the door opened I saw someone whom I did not know. He had short wavy auburn hair with piercing blue eyes. He also had sharp features, but it wasn't him. The guy stared at me for a moment and looked at me quite oddly.
"Can I help you?" he slowly said with a slight Southern accent.
"Umm.." I shyly looked back down, "I'm sorry...Th..this must be the wrong house. I'd better be on my way now."
I turned around and the guy was about to say something, but instead decided to let me go.
"Who was it?" a familiar voice echoed from the house.
I stopped to listen some more.
"I don't know," the guy answered back.
"Be right there."
It was a familiar voice...I turned around and looked up. The guy who opened the door looked at me oddly again.
"So who is..." the other guy said and stopped in mid sentence when he saw me.
It was him...how could I forget that face. His short black hair and crystal blue eyes. I've also noticed his thin moustache and beard growing.
I weakly smiled at him, "Hi..."
He slowly walked towards me, gave a deep loving look into my eyes and wrapped his arms around me in a deep embrace.
"My God," he whispered, "It is you."
I gave him an equally long and deep hug. We were in the embrace for a while when he decided to break away. I looked at him and his clothes were all wet, "Oh..sorry about that," I softly said.
"Nonsense," he smiled at me, "You're the one who's in worse condition than I am. Come on...get inside."
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked by my side inside his house. It wasn't as big nor elegant like Justin's or Lance's, but it felt like home. A fire was going in the fireplace and assorted things decorated the interior.
"First things first," he said in a fatherly tone, "You'd better take a shower or else you'll get sick."
I looked up at him, "Um...I don't have any spare clothes..."
"Don't be silly," he giggled, "Leave that to me and go take a shower."
"Okay."
He escorted me to the bathroom and I entered. I closed the door and peeled off the wet clothes. They were heavy with water so I decided to take them off inside the shower so that I wouldn't make too much of a mess. The water was quite warm and memories flooded back as I showered. Once I was done I opened the curtains and was surprised that there was a set of clothes on the counter. I put on the shirt, which was a little too big for me, as well as the shorts. I giggled at how much bigger he was than I.
I stepped out of the bathroom and I hesitantly looked around. I slowly went back to the living room area and I saw him preparing some hot water.
"Hey Mano," he smiled as he looked at me, "How was the shower?"
"Warm," I smiled back at him, "Thanks for the clothes as well."
"Don't mention it. They're a little big, I know. I'll buy some for you tomarrow."
"No..you don't have to," I replied as I walked to the dining room table. The other guy was sitting at the table as well giving quick glances to both me and him.
"But you can't wear those," he chuckled.
"Yeah..I suppose you're right."
"Good. Make yourself at home while I make you some hot chocolate."
I smiled, "Thanks."
"Oh I forgot," as he turned to get a few cups from the cupboard, "Mano, he's my cousin Brian. Brian, Mano."
I smiled at him, "Hi,"
He smiled back at me and nodded a little.
"You've got a nice place here," I commented as I looked around the room.
"Oh it's nothing," pouring some hot water in the cups, "It's just a place to call home."
"It's really nice here," I commented, "I came by a few months ago, but you weren't home."
"Yeah," stirring in the chocolate mix, "I'm really sorry about that. I read the note and felt bad for not being here to meet you. There were some unexpected changes and I wasn't in town."
"It's understandable. I can imagine how busy you've been."
"Thanks for understanding," he placed the cup in front of me and one in front of Brian as well, "So what have you been up to lately?" taking a seat next to me.
"Same old same old," I replied taking a sip of the chocolate. I could feel the drink trickle down my throat and warm me up from the inside.
"Same old?" looking at me curiously, "Then, what are you doing here in Florida?"
"Can't I have a vacation as well?" smiling at him, "Oh..that reminds me," I took off the necklace, "Here," I handed it to Kevin.
Kevin looked at me oddly, "Remember," I said, "If I ever saw you again I would give it back to you."
Brian was in awe of the situation now.
Kevin smiled gently took the necklace and placed it back in the palm of my hand, "Keep it," he said and I looked confused, "So you can always remember me and the times that we shared."
I stared at him for a moment and smiled, "Thanks...you're the best."
"No I'm not," smiling back, "Let's see..where were we? Oh yes..Rest is good. Rest is really good. The guys and I are here resting up for the next tour and such."
"Oh," I replied, "The guys?" I slowly asked.
"You've never met the guys have you?" he asked and I shook my head, "Well, you've me my cousin Brian already. There's Howie, AJ and Nick."
"Oh yeah," it clicked in my head, "I remember now...it's been a while since I caught up on music. Last I heard, you were in Europe starting out."
Kevin laughed, "That WAS a long time ago. Where have you been all these years?"
I just looked at my mug full of hot chocolate thinking about everything.
Kevin looked at me surprised, "Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
"No...it's okay," I softly replied taking another sip.
Kevin got out of his seat and wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a hug, "No it's not okay," whispering in my ear, "You know how much I worry about you."
"I know...thanks."
He slowly unwrapped his arms and sat back down. I took a sip as well as Brian. During the whole conversation, Brian sat quietly in his chair fascinated by what was going on.
"Ok...let's try this again," Kevin took a deep breath, "What's new in life?"
"Let's see..." I thought for a minute, "I graduated already and I'm waiting for the acceptance letters."
"That's great," with a big smile on his face, "Where'd you apply?"
"Oh not really special places," taking another sip, "Just State, Berkeley, Stanford and a bunch of other places."
"Wow," sounding impressed, "Those are pretty well known schools. I hope you get accepted in any of them."
"Me too," smiling at him, "Um...let's see...Oh, I'm working as a manager now at a movie theatre."
"Nice. Now you can hook me up to watch a movie or something."
I laughed, "Oh please...you don't need my help for that."
"I suppose," he laughed back.
"You know," Brian started to say something as both of us stopped laughing, "You're kinda cute Mano."
I stopped and stared at Brian, "Uh..yeah," I blushed a little and he smiled back.
"Don't mind him," Kevin giggled, "He's been doing that lately."
"Oh ok," I blushed a little, "You're kinda cute too."
That threw Brian way off almost spitting out his drink. Kevin couldn't help it and bellowed out with laughter.
"Uh..thanks," Brian giving me an odd look.
"Bri," Kevin said seriously, "Don't you even think of dating him."
"Huh? Why not?" I asked.
"Yeah...why not?" Brian cocked an eyebrow.
"Cause I said so and that's final," crossing his arms.
"Okay," Brian reluctantly agreed while I shrugged my shoulders and took another sip of chocolate.
"So," he spoke turning to me, "Why are you really here?"
"I thought I told you...I'm taking a vacation."
"I know why you're here in Florida," he replied calmly, "Why are you here...in this house...in a middle of a storm."
I didn't want to say anything. It was too painful to remember.
"It's okay, Mano," Kevin knelt beside me and put his finger under my chin. He stared at my brown eyes and a I gazed into his soft gaze, "Let's sit on the couch and take it nice and slow."
I nodded my head and I slowly got up and headed to the couch with Kevin right beside me. The fire crackled in the fireplace and the grandfather clocked ticked away the time.
"Now," Kevin said gently, "Please tell me what's wrong?"
I looked at the fire for a moment longer and took a deep breath, "Have you heard of the group N Sync?"
He looked at me puzzled "I've heard of them. Met them a few times in charities and such."
"Well I know them and I'm good friends with them."
"That's good...but I don't understand. What do they have to do with this?"
"I've been good friend with them for a while and they took me to this picnic. They played a joke on me and I just couldn't take it."
"But we played jokes on each other for a long time. Why would it bother you now?"
"Cause," I got defensive, "JC played the trick on me," I said softly.
"JC? One of the lead singer?" he asked.
I nodded, "Yeah."
Kevin looked at me for a minute or two trying to sort things out, "There's more," he said softly, "Isn't there?"
I couldn't block it out any more. Tears began to well up and I started crying. Kevin gently turned me around and I cried in his shoulder. He gently stroked my hair as I kept sobbing.
"I...I love his so much," said in-between gasps.
"Shh...it's okay..." he whispered, "It's okay..."
"I..I thought he felt the same way...but he didn't..." I continued to sob.
"I'm right here," he slowly rocked me back and forth, "I'll always be here for you."
"I told him that I love him and then I asked if he loved me..." I started to cry less, "He didn't even answer me...he just looked at the ground."
Kevin kissed me on the forehead as I put my head on his chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist.
"I..I gave my heart to him," I sniffled, "Now I feel so lonely again."
He hugged me tighter, "I'm so sorry Mano. If I knew, I would have come to you sooner."
"It's okay...you didn't know...I didn't want you to worry about me," I gazed up at him, "I miss you so much."
"I'm glad that you're finally here. I've missed you more than you can imagine."
I softly whispered, "I love you Kevin."
Kevin smiled and started to softly sing a song which he heard on the radio, "All I am, all I'll be...Everything in this world...All that I'll ever need...Is in your eyes...Shining at me," I closed my eyes as I listened to his heartbeat as well as his soft voice, "When you smile I can feel...All my passion unfolding...Your hand brushes mine...And a thousand sensations...Seduce me `cause I..."
Kevin held me tighter as he kept on singing, "I do cherish you...For the rest of my life...You don't have to think twice...I will love you still...From the depths of my soul...It's beyond my control...I've waited so long to say this to you...If you're asking do I love you this much...I do..."
I started to sniffle, "I you so much Kevin..." I coughed a little.
He looked at me worriedly, "You sound like you're catching a cold. You should head to bed."
I smiled at him, "Okay..."
"There's a guest room which you can sleep in," he slowly released his grip.
I didn't want Kevin to let go. He was so warm and so safe, I just wished it would stay like this forever. But I knew that it wouldn't work out that way...
"Are you going to be all right for the night?" he asked, "You could always sleep with me if you're still upset."
"No...it's okay," I smiled at him, "I don't want you to get sick as well."
"Okay...just making sure," he started to lead me to the guest room.
"Um..Kevin," I asked.
"Yeah."
"Please don't be mad at JC...He was confused...I pushed him too far too fast...it's not his fault..." I trailed off.
He gave me another hug, "Shh...try not to think about it...You won't get any rest."
I nodded and he showed me to the room. I entered the dark room and crawled under the covers. I said good night and he gently closed the door. Kevin stared at the door for a minute and sighed a little. He turned around to start heading to his room when he saw Brian standing there with his arms crossed leaning against the wall.
"Who is Mano?" Brian asked seriously.
Kevin didn't answer at first, "I'll tell you some other time."
"Who is he?" Brian insisted.
He thought about an answer, "Mano is the one person who keeps me going when things aren't the way it's supposed to go. He brings meaning to my life..." trailing of and slowly walking into his room.
Brian stood there dumbfounded by his cousin's answer. He didn't know how to makes heads or tails with it. Could it be possible? No...Brian wouldn't have any of that. It just didn't make any sense. Frustrated, Brian decided to go to bed and forget that the whole thing ever happened. He quickly went to bed and slept a restless night.
Tossing and turning, Nathan really couldn't sleep well. He could hear the pounding of the water and that didn't help matters. Irritated, Nathan got out of bed and crept out of his room. As he walked down the hall, he noticed that JC's door was ajar and some light was streaming through the slit. Nathan peeked in and saw JC sitting at his desk with his head on the table fast asleep. He also noticed a small black box which he was holding. Nathan guessed it was some sort of jewelry box, but wasn't quite sure.
After looking, he slowly made his way downstairs and noticed a faint glow coming from the dining room. He softly walked down the stairs and was surprised to see that Justin was sitting at the table staring at a glass of water.
"Justin?" he softly spoke, "What are you doing here?"
"Hey Nate," he replied, "I couldn't sleep...and you?"
"Same thing," he replied and sat next to Justin.
They sat there in silence for a little bit.
"But there's more to it...isn't there?" Nathan finally asked.
Justin sighed, "Yeah...I'm scared..."
"About Mano?"
He nodded, "There has been no word since and I'm really scared that he might have gotten himself hurt or something."
Nathan got up and wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and stared at the glass with him, "I know...I know..." he whispered, "But you have to believe in him. Just believe that he's gonna be okay...just a while longer?"
Justin sighed, "You're right...That's the only thing I can do...Thanks for being there for me."
"Anytime," he responded smiling, "Now both of us should go to bed so we can figure out what to do tomorrow."
"Yeah..let's go before we start to snore in the dining room."
"I do not," Nathan pouted.
Justin giggled, "Yes you do."
Both of them giggled a bit and headed off to their respected rooms. Neither of them slept well, but they slept nonetheless. Soon the rain subsided and everyone in the house started to sleep a little bit better without the distraction of the rain.
Morning came and Kevin woke up bright an early. He looked through the window and noticed how beautiful of a day it was going to be. He thought for a minute what to do and decided to go to the mall and buy some clothes for me to wear for a while. Kevin stretched a little and headed towards my room. He knocked gently at the door at first.
"Mano," he said, "Mano, wake up. I've got an idea."
When he heard no answer, he knocked again, only louder, "Mano?," saying worriedly.
Again no answer. This time he opened the door and let himself in. He could see the sheets pulled all the way which covered face and body.
"Mano?" shaking me a little.
Kevin pulled back the covers and his face was in total horror.
"Oh my God," he said.
"BRIAN!" he yelled out the top of his lungs, "BRIAN!"
Chapter 24: Ghosts
Brian came running still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, "What? What is it Kev?"
"Get the car ready now!" he demanded as he bundled me up in a panic.
"What? Why?" still confused.
"Just get the car ready!" Kevin said again.
Never seeing his cousin so upset, he quickly responded. Brian threw on some shorts and grabbed the car keys. He ran out the front door and started up the car. A few minutes later, Kevin came out in sweats carrying me all bundled up in blankets. He placed me in the back seat and sat next to me.
"Go to the hospital as fast as you can," Kevin pleaded.
Brian complied without asking why, but he could see that there was something definitely wrong with me. Kevin kept mumbling to me as he held my cold hand. My face was a dark color...not deeply dark, but darker from my normal shade of tan. I was cold to the touch and softly wheezed when I breathed in or out.
Brian was driving well above the speed limit, but since no one was driving, it was pretty easy to navigate to the hospital. Once there, Kevin carried me quickly to the entrance of the emergency section of the place. One look by the staff there and immediately they put me on a stretcher and called for a doctor. The staff inserted a needle into my arm and started to use a drip bag.
"What's his pulse?" someone said.
"Get him to ER immediately," another one commanded.
"Where's the doc?" one questioned.
"Is he gonna be all right?" Kevin asked.
"We don't know," someone answered quickly, "He'll be checked out first and then we'll be able to tell you."
Kevin nodded and stopped following the stretcher. He stared at the mass of people disappear through the double doors. He sighed once again and headed to one of the desks to tell them who he was and the person which he brought in. It was long and arduous for Kevin, not knowing what my condition is and if I was going to be all right. He paced back and forth in the waiting area for minutes, but seemed like hours.
Brian put his hands on Kevin's shoulders, "I'm sure that he's gonna be all right. You've got to stay calm."
"Stay calm?" he looked coldly at Brian, "How can I stay calm when I don't even know what the hell happened to Mano."
Brian backed away surprised by Kevin's reaction.
"I'm sorry Bri...I shouldn't have snapped at you. I know you were trying to help," he said apologetically.
Brian lead Kevin back to his seat, "It's okay...I can see that you're really shaken up by this."
"Yeah," he replied almost cracking his voice, "It's happening all over again."
Brian really didn't quite understand what he meant by that. he let it go and tried to say something else, "I'll call the guys and tell them that we're here. They're probably worried about us not being in the meeting."
"Thanks...you can go and tell them that I'll be here."
"No..I'll be here with you. They really don't need us to be there. I'm sure that Nick or Howie can handle things if we're gone."
"Make sure to tell them that we're all right."
"Okay," Brian stood up and headed towards the exit to get some change from the car.
Minutes seemed like hours for Kevin who was impatiently waiting for the doctor. Soon enough, a man in a white trenchcoat appeared with a folder in his hand.
"Ah you must be the one who brought in Mr. Sugui, correct?" he asked and Kevin nodded his head, "I'm doctor Seiger," extending his hand.
Kevin shook his hand rather quickly, "Is he going to be all right?"
"I don't really know," the doctor replied, "We've drawn some blood and the samples are being looked at right now."
"Can I see him?" Kevin went straight to the point.
"I don't know," the doctor said hesitantly, "We've been trying to contact his parents, but with no luck. As you know that immediate kin and significant others are allowed to see patients first."
"Oh..." Kevin's heart sank, "I understand..I'll wait here then."
The doctor felt sorry that he couldn't do anything for him, but it was policy. Kevin sank back into his seat and the doctor quietly exited the room. Brian walked in and told Kevin what he said to the others. They were kinda worried about both of them being in the hospital, but Brian assured the rest of the guys that everything is fine.
JC and Justin were the first ones up and they groggily went down the stairs to get breakfast. Neither of them felt like eating and they didn't want to ask about how each other slept. They knew that they were both miserable and leave it at that. Nathan came down later, almost as groggy, but not that severe.
Justin decided to eat cereal while watching TV and JC and Nathan were munching at the dining room table. No one really wanted to talk this particular morning. JC played around with the cereal in his bowl and Nathan sighed a little bit. Happy was not the word of the day.
"In local news today," the TV announcer said, "Reports of Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys were seen entering a hospital a few hours ago."
An old picture of Brian and Kevin flashed on the screen for a moment. Justin glanced up and took a double take. `That was him,' Justin thought.
"Sources from inside the hospital also said that Kevin brought in a seriously ill Asian man with him. Whether or not this is true, it has been denied by their management...." Justin tuned out the rest of the program.
"Oh my God," Justin whispered, "It can't be..."
JC and Nathan stopped and looked at Justin. There was a blank look on his face and they knew something was up...
"JC," Justin stood up quickly, "Get ready, we're going."
JC didn't know what he was talking about, "Huh?"
Justin turned and looked coldly at JC, "We're leaving now...We're going to see Mano."
JC's eyes bulged wide open, "Wh..where?"
"At the hospital," Justin replied.
In an instant, JC quickly got up almost knocking his bowl over and raced upstairs. Justin raced as quickly to his room. They weren't really dressed, just jeans and a shirt.
"I want to come too," Nathan said when they reached downstairs.
"You stay here and tell everyone where we are," Justin said.
"But..."
"Please do as I ask...just this once?"
Nathan sighed, "Okay...I'll tell the rest of the guys where you are when they call or show up."
Justin smiled, "Thanks."
JC and Justin silently and quickly went into the car and Justin sped off into the freeway.
"How do you know where he is?" JC asked, watching the buildings pass by.
"Just trust me," Justin answered.
JC sighed, "Did you know..."
There was no answer and Justin kept driving as fast as the law allowed him to go.
Kevin paced around the room while Brain watched his cousin nervously. Never in all his life has he seen Kevin so upset. It's usually him that's flipping out, not this time and it was an uncomfortable feeling. Brian really didn't know what to do but to be there for him like Kevin has always been for him. Soon the doctor came back in and at once, a million questions started to fly.
"Do you know what's going on with him yet?" Kevin asked.
"No...I'm afraid not," the doctor responded, "But we're working as fast as we can, but news has spread and slowed us down considerably."
"Where did the code of confidentiality that you guys are supposed to abide by anyways?" Brain retorted.
"We keep everything as confidential as possible," he sounded proud, "But it seems that some of our staff doesn't abide by them..."
"Figures," Kevin replied, "So you don't know if he's going to be okay?" he pleaded.
"I'm sorry, but the tests aren't done yet..."
"I can't even go see him..." Kevin trailed off.
"I know how much you want to, but policy prohibits it," the doctor sounded apologetically.
"We know," Brian answered, "It's okay...we understand."
Justin peeked through the door and slowly entered, Brian looked up and was surprised to see him there.
"Justin?" Brian asked. Kevin also looked up at him with surprise as well.
"What are you doing here?" Brian asked.
"Umm...I stopped by to see how Mano's doing.." he softly said.
"H..How did you know?" Kevin asked.
"I saw it on the news and saw you carrying him..." Justin trailed off.
Kevin sniffled, "Yeah..."
Justin turned his head back and let JC in. They both sat on the other couch looking at the table in the middle. As Kevin was about to say something, he looked up and saw JC there. Anger and hate erupted from his eyes.
"What the hell are you doing here!" Kevin barked, stood up and pointed a finger at JC.
JC recoiled in fear at Kevin's sudden outburst.
"Calm down Kevin," Brian quickly grabbed Kevin by the shoulders to make sure he wouldn't lunge at JC.
"After all the shit you've done, you've got the nerve to show up here!?!?!" Kevin continued the onslaught.
"Back off!" Justin barked back, "He's here to see if Mano's going to be okay."
"My ass!" still looking at JC, "Mano gave his heart to you...He loved you and all you do is use him and throw him away like a ragged doll."
"That's not what happened..." JC mustered enough strength to say something.
"He hell it isn't! Mano told me everything and you betrayed him...How the hell can you show your face here!"
"But..." JC started to say something.
"It's..." Kevin pointed a finger and JC, but then suddenly stopped.
Don't blame him,' my voice echoed in Kevin's mind, It's not his fault...'
"It's...not your fault..." Kevin slowly said and sunk back down into the couch.
Everyone looked shocked and confused at what Kevin had done. They felt bad for him and wanted to do something, but couldn't.
"Is it possible for us to see him?" Justin asked the doctor after a few minutes of silence.
"Umm..I'm sorry, only family or significant other can see him right now," the doctor replied.
"Yeah...Kevin's been trying to see him since we arrived and no luck," Brian said.
"Did you say Kevin?" the doctor asked Brian and he nodded, "Kevin Richardson?"
Kevin looked up, "Yeah?"
"Oh my," the doctor shuffled through the folder he had, "There is an explicit note here, even though it's old, it's still valid."
"Which is?" Kevin started to sound aggravated.
"In any time of emergency and which the parent(s) cannot be contacted, Kevin Richardson is given full responsibility until the emergency is over or the parent(s) arrive to take over," the doctor read the note.
"That means I can see him right?" Kevin's face lit up.
The doctor nodded, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to inform you of this sooner."
"It's okay," Kevin stood up, "Where is Mano?"
"He's in the intensive care room right now."
Kevin was about to head out the door when he stopped, "Um..doctor?"
The doctor turned to look at Kevin, "Yes?"
"Is it possible to let JC be there as well?" he asked.
"You know the rules," the doctor replied.
"Yes I know..." Kevin said, "JC is...his significant other..."
Justin and JC both looked at Kevin in amazement.
"Well..." the doctor was apprehensive, "But you're his guardian at the moment so I will not contest."
JC looked at Justin and Justin motioned him to go on. JC nodded and slowly stood up and went with Kevin to the room. Brian and Justin also followed, but sat on the chairs outside of the room. The two slowly entered the room and everything was deathly still.
It was still a little bit past noon and the room was well illuminated. You could hear the slow, rhythmical beeps of the monitors as it measured my vital signs. They were both hesitant to come near, but they slowly walked to the side of my bed. Kevin's eyes filled with tears, but he fought them back. He could see my pale face and the tubes which were attached to my arms and such. He gently held my ice cold hand and started to speak.
"Hiya Mano," he softly spoke out, "Looks like you're not feeling so great. Guess we won't be shopping today huh?" he made a weak laugh.
"Mano...please get better," he pleaded, "We still have to catch up on old times and we still have to do that fishing trip that I promised you a long time ago. I don't want to lose you...please...don't go..." tears flowed down his cheek as it dripped onto the side of the mattress.
JC put his hand on Kevin's shoulder and he quietly sobbed. Kevin let go of my hand and cried on JC's shoulder. JC silently gave him a hug until he calmed down a little. When he did, JC broke away and turn his attention towards me.
"I...I don't know where to begin," JC said, "That first night when we kissed...that was real," he gently grasped my hand, "When we left, I...I didn't know what to do...I was scared that you were far away...I was also scared that I fell in love with a guy."
JC brushed my cheek, "I denied it by doing stupid things...No matter what I did, I always kept thinking of you. Please..." his voice started to crack, "Please...don't die...don't leave me...I...I love you with all my heart...Don't go...Please...I promise to do things right.." a tear rolled down his cheek and he closed his eyes.
JC leaned over and gently, ever so gently, placed a kiss on my lips hoping that I would wake up like in the fairy tales. When he opened his eyes and saw that nothing happened...he started to cry in despair. Kevin put his hand on his shoulders this time and they silently listened to the slow beeps of the machine and the wheezing of my breathing. They looked at me for a moment longer and then dropped their heads down.
Very slowly and very silently, they headed back out the door. JC looked at Justin and a tear rolled down is face. Justin instantly knew what that meant as well as Brian. Justin, quickly stood up and gave JC a deep hug and tried to comfort him as best he could. Brian did the same for Kevin and all of them sat down staring at the floor.
No one dared to talk. Everyone feared the worst, but also hoped for the best. It was impossible to do anything, but worry. The doctor came by and saw them looking morbid. He took a deep breath and started to walk in their direction. Kevin looked up and saw the doctor coming down the hall. Everyone stopped for a moment and looked at the doctor.
"We have the results of the tests..." the doctor slowly said.
"Well?" Kevin jumped up , "How is he?"
"It doesn't look good," the doctor replied solemnly.
"H..how so?" JC stuttered out.
"It seem that he has contracted an advance case of pneumonia."
"Medicine is not working?" Kevin asked in surprise.
"I'm afraid not," the doctor sighed, "We've given him maximum dosage of everything. The unusual thing is that his body is not responding to anything."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Kevin started to feel hopeless.
"Well...it seems that his body is letting the infection spread. It seems as if he has given up."
"Oh...my...God," JC whispered in disbelief, "It's...it's all my..fault..." JC buried fell back down on the seat and buried his face in his hands.
Justin didn't understand and he wrapped his arm around JC's shoulder for comfort.
"H..how long doc?" Kevin almost didn't want to say it.
"At the current rate of his decline...I'm afraid the he'll never see another sunrise..."
"Can...can all of us see him?" Justin pleaded.
The doctor turned to look at Kevin and he nodded.
One by one each of them entered the brightly lit room. It's been hours since the ordeal, but none of them cared. Hours just seemed like minutes as they watched me slowly slip away..trying to coax me into doing anything...
"Now you be a good boy. Mommy and daddy have to go away for a little while, okay?" she smiled at me and I nodded.
She kissed me on the forehead and stood up. She was really tall. I saw mommy and daddy talk to someone and they left the house. I ran up to the door a pressed my face to the glass. Mommy and daddy went into a car and went away. I turned around and looked around. It was a big house...very big house. The roof was way over there. It was lonely too...nothing to do. I went to the corner and started to play with my blocks..I tried to make a castle...but it kept falling down.....
Mommy and Daddy left again to go somewhere...I'm lonely in the house. Daddy told me not to play outside, but it was warm and bright. I went to the door and tiptoed to reach the handle. I grabbed it with both hands and turned it. The door clicked and it swung open...I lost my balance and fell down. It didn't hurt so I got back up and got my blocks from the corner. I put them close to the porch and tried to make a castle....It fell down again.
I see lots of people outside. I always see one person who comes by my house everyday. He lives right next door to me. Mommy told me not to talk to strangers, but he looked nice. He waves at me when he sees me, but I'm scared to talk to him. It's lonely here.....
I played with my blocks outside again and I see the guy walk by again. He stopped and looks at me funny and starts to walk to the house. I get really scared and get up too.
"Don't be scared," he said, "I'm not here to hurt you."
I looked at him wearily.
"Say..whatcha doing?" he asked as he sat down on the top steps a ways away from me.
I looked at the blocks.
"Building something?" he smiled, "Whatcha building?"
"Mommy and Daddy told me not to talk to strangers," I sheepishly said.
"Oh ok...Well my name is Kevin and I live right next door," he smiled at me.
I gave a weak smile back....
Mommy and Daddy went away again and I played blocks. I waited for Kevin to come by so he could play with me. I really like him. He's fun to play with. He told me that he always sees me when he comes home from school and that he has two other brothers. It must be fun to have people in the house. Kevin and I built a castle today and it was taller than me.....
"Mano," Mommy said, "Me and your Daddy have to go to a little trip for a while and we decided to get you a babysitter."
I frowned.
"Don't be sad. We'll be back soon. I know that you know who's going to be the babysitter."
My face lit up, "Kevin?"
She nodded, "I talked to his mom and dad and everything is all set up. You'll be staying at their place for the weekend."
The doorbell chimed and I looked to see who was there...It was Kevin. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but was too excited. Mommy opened the door for me and talked to Kevin. He smiled and I went to his house and had fun the whole time....
It was the first day of school and I didn't know anybody. I didn't even get a chance to play with anything. I hated school. Everyone teased me cause I was different. When school was over, I ran to Kevin crying.
He bent over and wiped the tears from my eyes, "There, there, don't you cry."
"Everybody was being mean to me," I sniffled.
"Don't you worry about them," he put his finger under my chin, "I'll always be here for you okay?"
I hugged him tightly and nodded my head.
"Now...let's go get some ice cream," he smiled at me and I smiled back....
I stayed at Kevin's this weekend again. Kevin's mom and dad were out doing stuff and his brothers were sleeping. I watched Kevin play the piano. It was a sad song.
"That's a sad song," I commented.
"Cause I feel sad right now," he sighed.
"Why are you sad?" I asked.
He turned and smiled a little, "One day you'll understand."
I reached down into my pocket for something. I pulled out a Tootsie Roll and handed it to him.
"Don't feel sad. Take one and smile with me," I made a huge smile on my face.
Kevin giggled and gently took the candy from my hand and started to play a happier song.....
Parents went away for the week so I stayed at Kevin's place. His mom and dad are really nice. They treat me like I was their family. I went fishing and hiking with Kevin and dad. It was a beautiful place. The stream was full of fish and I caught my first one. Kevin caught one too, but he was jealous that mine was bigger. Dad got a good laugh. When everybody was doing chores and stuff like that, mom led me to the kitchen and showed me how to make chili. She knew that I didn't like meat, so she made some vegetable stew for me....
Kevin took me to a ranch and showed me the horses. They were much bigger than me, but they were all nice. I got a chance to feed one of them with a carrot. He hoisted me up on the saddle and showed me the basics of riding. It was my first time on a horse and I loved it. Next week Kevin's gonna show me some tricks. I can't wait to go....
Kevin threw me a huge surprise party today. Mom and dad gave me a huge cake as well as presents. There were lots of people there and I had a good time. Mommy and Daddy were at a conference so they didn't show up. After the party, I went to Kevin's room cause he wanted to give me something before I moved away.
"Here," he said as he took off a necklace, "I want you to have this."
"But didn't dad give that to you?" I questioned.
"Yeah..but I want you to have it."
"Why?"
"Something to always remember me by when you go."
I tilted my head forward and he gently fastened the necklace around my neck. It was a beautiful wreath necklace with an `R' in the center.
I looked up at Kevin's blue eyes and gave him a deep hug, "I love you and I'm gonna miss you so much," I started to cry a little.
"Now don't you cry on me," he said gently stroking my hair, "I'll do my best to keep in touch. As long as you wear that, you'll never forget me."
"I won't...I promise..."
I looked around and was in a long white corridor. On either side was a doorway. One was bright and warm while the other was black and cold. I was alone again...
"Kevin?" I said "Kevin? Where are you?"
Only silence permeated.
"Kevin," I started to panic, "Help me...I don't know where to go...I don't want to be alone..." my voice became weaker, "Kevin?...Lance?...Justin?...JC?...Mommy?....Daddy?...."
After standing there for eternity, I turned and headed to the end of the corridor. Not sure if I wanted to fight or not...I stepped through the doorway.
Justin, JC, Brian and Kevin were there standing by my side as they heard the machines beeping ever so slowly as time passed on. The room was no longer brightly illuminated, but turned into a dull orange hue. As the sun slowly disappeared...so did my will to fight.......