NOW OR NEVER by Robin Smithson
Disclaimer: If you are underage, please go somewhere else. If you are committing any crimes by reading this, please go somewhere else. This is a piece of fiction. It does not depict true life to my knowledge; therefore, I have no idea what floats `N Sync's boat, if y'all know what I mean. Thanks to everyone that emailed me and encouraged me to continue the story! I absolutely loved the compliments. Let me know what y'all think about this chapter too! Please email me at nsajscgirl@yahoo.com with your comments and suggestions. Oh, yeah and I'm another female writer, please don't hold that against me! Robin
Previously on Now or Never:
They sat there for a moment in silence before Justin spoke again. "Who...who is it?" he asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"I...um...nobody, Justin. Just forget about it okay?" Lance said desperately. There was no way he was about to confess to having a crush on Justin.
"NO, I want to know who it is," Justin stated emphatically. For some reason, Lance having a thing for one of the other guys bothered him. He refused to ask himself why though as he continued to question Lance. "Joey? Chris? J...JC? Who?"
"I...I..."
And now, Chapter 3 of Now or Never
"I...I...Justin, I don't really want to talk about this right now," Lance said, lowering his head to avoid Justin's stare. If he was scared about spilling his original secret to Justin, he was terrified now that Justin would force him to confess this one. It was one thing for his friend to accept the fact that he was gay; it was a completely different thing for him to confess to having a crush on his friend and watching his friend's reaction to that little piece of information.
"Lance, I promise I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to," Justin reassured his friend, unaware of the magnitude of his friend's thoughts. Lance almost laughed out loud at the absurdness of Justin's statement. Of course, he would keep it a secret from their friends, once he found out there would be no reason for Justin to tell the guys that Lance was gay and had a crush on him that was for sure.
"Look, Justin, I think enough has been said tonight, and I'm getting kind of sleepy, so..." Lance was cut off by Justin's quick objection.
"No, Lance. I think that we should get everything out in the open tonight. I mean, you've just told me you are gay. I don't think you could say anything else that would shock me." Justin braced himself by placing his hands palm down on the cushion on either side of him and pushing down. He was preparing himself for Lance's confession. "Okay, I'm ready, who is it? Chris? Joey? Josh? Who?" Lance only response was to stare at Justin. He knew that Justin wasn't prepared for what he wanted Lance to tell him so he tried to back out of it once again, unsuccessfully.
"Forget about it, I'm going to bed," Lance announced before turning his back on Justin and walking swiftly out of the room. As he walked down the hallway to his room, he could hear Justin running after him. He quickened his pace until he was right in front of his bedroom door, but he was too late.
"Lance! Lance! Stop dammit!" Justin reached up and grabbed Lance's arm to stop him. Lance swung around only to find Justin a few inches away. It was that moment that a weird thought crossed Lance's mind. Justin was almost the perfect height for Lance. Lance realized that if he leaned forward just a little bit, he could fit his face in the hollow of Justin's neck. Justin was close enough so that he could smell Lance's cologne. He couldn't name it, but it was soft and gentle, kind of like Lance. `Now where did that thought come from?' Justin asked himself as he stared at his friend. Lance's large green eyes stared right back at him and for a moment they both stopped breathing. Neither of them could hear the noise of the TV or the ticking of the clock that stood in the hallway. Justin was the first to speak and Lance could feel his friend's warm breath caressing his face.
"L...Lance?" Justin questioned softly. Lance loved the way Justin said his name, drawn out and low.
"Hmmm..." was Lance's reply as he looked up at Justin. Justin tentatively reached out with his left hand and brought it up to Lance's face. The moment Justin's hand caressed his cheek Lance closed his eyes and sighed. His hand was warm and soft against Lance's cheek. This is what Lance had always wanted. Someone close to him. Someone to touch him. Justin to want him. Realization struck him suddenly and he jerked away from Justin, taking a few steps back. His eyes opened in horror as he realized that he had just answered Justin's question without meaning to. Justin was just beginning to realize what Lance's reaction to his touch meant and his eyes widened comically as the thought registered in his mind.
"Oh my God. Me? It's me?" Justin stuttered in amazement, his blue eyes widened comically.
Lance averted his eyes from Justin as his friend began to pace the hallway. "I...I thought it was one of the other guys! I mean...I didn't...Oh wow!" Justin mumbled as he paced the confined corridor. He would walk to the end where the hallway opened up to the living room then turn around, walking back towards Lance. As soon as he would reach Lance, Justin turned back around and repeated the trip. "I can't believe this, never would I have thought it was me. I mean, Josh yeah, but me? Josh is hot. It could have been Chris, or Joe, but me?"
Lance listened closely to Justin's ramblings as he watched him pacing. This time it was Lance's turn to be shocked as Justin's last words rang through the hallway. `Did Justin just say that JC was hot? What in the hell did that mean?' Lance asked himself.
"Justin! Justin!" Lance called out to the younger boy, hoping to get his attention. When yelling didn't help, Lance stalked after Justin and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"What?!" Justin yelled.
"What the hell did you mean by JC is hot?!" Lance said loudly in Justin's face.
"What? What? I...I didn't say that!" Justin declared strongly, waving his hands in the air defensively. He stared at Lance, his darkended challengingly, hoping that Lance couldn't prove him wrong. Lance looked at Justin in confusion, maybe he hadn't said that, maybe he was just hearing things. But what if he wasn't? Lance gathered his thoughts and sighed deeply. He had to ask this next question, he had to; he just hoped Justin wouldn't take it the wrong way.
"Justin, are...are you gay?" Lance asked hesitantly. Justin started at his friend, dumbfound. If Lance had confronted him angrily about it, he would have flatly denied the accusation, but Lance had asked it softly, unsure of the answer. Justin bowed his head in defeat.
"I...I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it before...I...I guess I could be," Justin finished lamely. Silence filled the hallway, neither of the young men able to find the words that would ease the situation. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, they didn't get the chance to fill the silence, the doorbell did it for them. Both Justin and Lance started as the chime of the doorbell rang throughout the house. Lance glanced at his watch in confusion. It was nearly midnight. Who would be at his door in the middle of the night? Lance looked at Justin with regret as he slid past him in the hallway and made his way to the front door.
Justin watched Lance walk out of the hallway and he leaned against the wall for support as soon as his friend disappeared from view. He sighed and ran his hands down the front of his T-shirt. What just happened?' he thought silently. Slowly he slid down the wall and tucked his head between his knees. He could care less who their visitor was, he was so confused. He just came out to Lance. Came out. Wow those are two incredibly powerful words," Justin thought. But he was forgetting one simple thing; Lance had just come out too. Lance was gay, and he evidently cared a great deal about Justin if his reaction to the younger boy's touch was any indication. Justin closed his eyes and thought of the expression on Lance's face when his palm made contact with his cheek. He had such a look of longing and pain on his face. It looked like it hurt a great deal.
Justin could understand the pain of being alone, of being lonely. After all, he was a member of the group too, but he had never dwelt on it as Lance obviously had. Justin had always been surround by people who loved him, his friends and family. He had always been a people person; people where drawn to him and his personality. Now that he thought about it, Lance really only had the other four guys to fill that hole caused by the pain. He didn't have other friends like the rest of the guys did. He didn't talk to his family that much. He certainly didn't go out with girls to fill the void the pain of being alone. As much as they loved each other, the five of them simply weren't enough to fulfill each other's emotion and, well, physical needs, they needed more, but Lance didn't have more. Justin realized that Lance had always had trouble making friends, he had been painfully shy when he first met the guys of `N Sync.
Justin could remember how captivated he had been when he first caught sight of Lance's beautiful green eyes and heard his deep voice. Lance had been the missing piece in the group and he had also been the missing piece in Justin's life. As soon as Lance joined the group, things took off. They obtained a record deal and they were on their way to Germany to record their first album within months of Lance's inception to the group. Justin knew that without Lance, there would be no `N Sync and Justin couldn't imagine his life without the older boy's presence. Justin was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard Lance greet the person at the front door.
"Hey, JC! What are doing here?" Lance asked loudly. Justin groaned as he thought of the person standing in front of Lance. Josh was the last person he wanted to see right now. He had never confided his sexuality to anyone before, well until now this is, and he certainly didn't want Josh to be the second person he told. For some reason, he was fearful of JC's reaction. Justin was unsure of what JC would say and do if he told him about his being gay.
"Hey Scoop, I know it's late, but I figured you two would still be up and I wanted to hang out with y'all." JC paused for a minute before adding, "If that's okay with you." JC stood at the entrance to Lance's house with his hands in his pockets and a questioning look on his face. Lance was silent for a moment, staring at Josh. JC cleared his throat loudly and looked inquisitively at Lance.
"Um, yeah sure, come on in," Lance said before stepping aside and allowing JC entrance to his home. "Sorry about that, Justin and I were just talking about some stuff."
Justin, still sitting in the hallway, tensed up in disbelief when he heard Lance tell Josh about their conversation. `Surely Lance wouldn't tell Josh what we had just been talking about!' Justin thought. He was suddenly filled with an incredible amount of fear and dread. Quickly, he stood up and started walking towards his two best friends, hoping to prevent Lance from saying something he might later regret. He soon realized that there was no need as he heard Lance and JC continue their conversation. Justin slowed down and stopped where he was in the middle of the hallway to listen.
"What kind of stuff?" JC asked curiously as he headed towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Lance was silent for a moment before responding.
"Um, nothing really. I just had a little problem and Justin and I talked it over. He helped me figure a few things out is all," Lance explained briskly following the older boy to the kitchen. JC nodded his head in understanding. He was relieved that Justin had found a way to get through to Lance. The whole group had been really worried about him lately.
"Hey, that's cool! So where is Curly?" JC asked once he realized that he hadn't seen the younger boy yet. Justin grimaced as he heard Josh call him by his hated nickname. He slowly entered the room, pasting a smile on his face for his friends. Lance recognized Justin's smile as being fake the moment he stepped into the room, but JC didn't seem to notice. The oldest of the three men stepped into the living room and plopped down on the couch, leaving Lance and Justin facing each other in the kitchen. Through one meaningful glance, they exchanged emotions of regret and sympathy before joining JC in front of the TV. "What were y'all watching?" JC questioned as the credits from the movie rolled up the screen.
"It was Stigmata, but we didn't actually watch it. We talked," Justin said nervously. JC simply nodded his understanding and silence reigned in the room. Justin sighed heavily, he just wanted this night to end.
"So, um...what do you guys want to do now?" JC asked. For some reason, he was feeling uncomfortable. He could feel tension in the air. He wasn't sure if Justin's earlier talk with Lance helped or not; they were both being unusually quiet. Well, Justin was, Lance was always quiet. Lance and Justin simply shook their heads in reply. Lance wanted to finish his conversation with Justin, but they couldn't exactly do that with JC around. "Well, how about some pool?" he questioned and the two younger boys quickly agreed.
Silently, the trio exited the living room and made their way to Lance's poolroom, which housed a large pool table. Lance recalled several memorable evenings that he had spent in this room with his four best friends. Laughter would echo off the walls as the group clowned around, doing what they do best goofing off and making each other laugh. He smiled as he remembered one particular evening in which Chris had initiated a game of strip pool. `They had never laughed so hard,' Lance recalled with a small laugh. Of course, it had also provided him with an opportunity to catch a glimpse of Justin's perfect body. Lance sighed and moved towards the table to set up a game.
Justin watched as Lance moved to the table and began setting up a game. His movements were short and abrupt, much like his dancing. There was a single light hanging above the table and it provided Justin with the light he needed to watch his friend. Lance quickly and efficiently placed the balls on the table and pulled three sticks off the wall. His blonde-tipped spikes shown in the light and his green eyes seemed to take up his whole face as he focused on his task. Justin smiled fondly as he remembered the night he and the guys had played strip pool. `That had to have been Chris's idea,' Justin thought with an internal laugh, a smile lighting up his face. Lance and Justin had been evenly matched when it came to pool so they usually stayed neck and neck when it came to losing and winning. He remembered how Lance's chest shown in the light from the single bulb above the table when he was forced to pull off his T- shirt. Lance had been so shy about taking off his shirt that he and Chris almost had to pull it off of him. Justin sighed as he visualized Lance's chest. He wasn't incredibly defined, but there was still something about his chest that had caught Justin's attention. His nipples were small dime-sized discs and there wasn't a single hair marring the skin. Justin sighed again and suddenly became aware of the fact that JC and Lance were staring at him.
"What?" he asked defensively.
"I asked if you were ready, and you were off in la-la-land," JC explain. `What is his problem?' JC asked himself as he looked at Justin. "Are you okay, man?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, lets just play." Justin demanded. With a frown, JC complied and made the first shot. The clacking of pool balls bouncing around the table echoed throughout the room and somehow it made up for the lack of conversation. Eventually as the night and the game wore on, JC managed to bring his two friends out of their musings and they were back to the goofy characters that their fans had come to know and love...TBC?
All right, there ya go. I am kind of stuck on where I want this to go, so I want to know what y'all think. Yeah, I know it's pretty sad that I'm losing focus on the third chapter, but I'm gonna stick with it. :) I want to know what y'all think I should do with JC. Should Justin or Lance reveal their sexualities to Josh, or should they continue to keep their shared secret just that, a secret? Let me know what you think! Email me at nsajscgirl@yahoo.com Thanks again to those who have emailed me so far and shared what they were thinking about my story! Talk to y'all later!!! Robin :)