Hi everybody--
I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to this story...it's been about a year and a half and I'm sure most of you gave up on it ever being completed. On that note, I have some good news and some bad news.
First--a word of explanation as to what happened. The part in the story about Jules losing his job and being evicted was true. I found it so hard to deal with mentally that I needed to write this story as a release...I needed to believe, if only in fantasy, that someone was going to come in and save me. But eventually I couldn't put off the reality of my situation any longer, and I no longer had time to write the story.
I never wound up homeless--my parents, stepparents, and I managed to scrape up enough money between us to get me a cheap studio...in a building which turned out to have roaches, mice, and thieves. I myself went on a downward spiral for the rest of 99 and came dangerously close to having a drug problem, but I managed to turn things around in January 2000 and make the best of things.
I managed to get a great job through temping and am now in a much better apartment in a much better neighborhood and I'm in a much better place overall.
By the time I had enough time to consider writing the story again, another thing happened...Kevin and Brian got married in real life. As they were the two primary characters in this story, somehow that killed all interest I had in continuing it. I think for me, the gap between fact and fiction just got too great...plus, I myself was no longer in the fragile place I was and didn't want to go back and revisit it.
I'm telling you this not just as an explanation, but because so many of you guessed that that part of the story was true and were concerned about me...and I just wanted to let you know that although things got worse before they got better, they did get better. =)
Which is why I'm returning to this now...I just had gotten so much great response from people about the story--how you felt it was different and you could relate to the characters and were anxiously awaiting the next chapter--that I decided that the least I could do was let you all know what was supposed to happen. So while I am not continuing the story in its traditional form, I am providing you with a SOAP OPERA DIGEST-style plot summary so you'll know what would have happened.
Maybe someday I'll try writing a new story...one I can feel invested in again...but this story was just too strongly linked to a time in my life that's passed.
And once again, thanks to everyone for their support. i may have been lax about responding, but it really meant a lot. =)
Take care-- Jules
NOTE: All the usual disclaimers apply--you must be over 18 to read this; it's a work of fiction that in no way implies anything about the real-life sexual preferences of the Backstreet Boys, etc. etc. etc.
NOTHING IS REAL BUT THE BOY: THE FINAL WRAP-UP
It turns out Brian was scared to death that the Backstreet Boys were on the path to losing all credibility and they would wind up has-beens like the New Kids before them. Jules pointed out that they could also turn out like the Beatles, which made Brian feel better. they took a candlelit bath and made love in the water (Jules was mainly a top; Brian was mainly a bottom). Jules started crying uncontrollably, and Brian dried him off and took him to lay down and held him while Jules told him what was bothering him.
Jules poured out the story of his life--how he had found out that he wasn't planned and his parents had considered abortion, how his father left because his mother was too saddled down with Jules to go out as often as he wanted, how his parents in front of him the night before his dad moved out argued not over why they wanted custody of Jules, but why they DIDN'T want it, and his mother got him because she had the weaker argument; how he had to constantly prevent his mother from killing herself and still found hidden suicide notes years later; how before he had a chance to recover from that he started being molested by a teen across the street; how he was the most hated person in grammar and high school because he was overweight, buck teeth or braces, no good at sports and the smartest one in the class; and how every man he'd ever loved either didn't love him as much back, left him for someone else, or both....and he was terrified of getting close to Brian for fear it would turn out the same way. Brian assured him that it wouldn't and told him about his heart surgery and his fears that people only liked him for his fame and not for who he was as a person so he understood...and how lucky he felt to finally meet someone who seemed to appreciate him just for him.
The two wound up having a fun week together, with Jules disguising Brian with wigs and makeup (they decided the Goth look worked best) so they could go places incognito, and they went for long walks in the park, carriage rides, etc. All went well until one night when Jules' second line rang and a guy left an incriminating message on the machine before Jules could stop it....
Jules had been too ashamed to tell Brian that he had been an escort for awhile out of desperation...but he found it too mentally and emotionally degrading to continue doing it. Sometimes, though, as in this instance, people would still call because they had old copies of the magazine where his ad ran. Jules was sure that Brian was going to leave him now...but while Brian was admittedly surprised, he didn't hold it against Jules in any way.
It was getting time for Brian to leave, although he couldn't bear to. Finally, he came up with a solution--he'd make Jules the band's new fashion consultant and budget manager. The salary would be great and when the tour ended, Jules would have enough money to get a place wherever he wanted...and they could stay together. So they had a relocating service come in and pack up Jules' things and store them until Jules had a permanent address.
Brian had warned him that things with the Backstreet Boys were not as rosy as their press made it sound, but Jules was still unprepared for the battlezone it turned out to be. Brian was really the only decent one...the rest were self-enamored and jaded. Kevin was stuck on his (admittedly great) looks and body and obsessed with getting laid as often as possible, which wasn't a problem since he was bi. Nick was a self-centered bitchy little queen who hated Jules before he even said a word. AJ & Howie were straight and didn't figure into this story much. Brian was also the only one really concerned with long-term artistic integrity...the rest were more interested in getting as much money and exposure as possible, credibility be damned.
As lead singer, Brian was kept busier than the others and suggested that Jules take up weight training with Kevin to pass time, as Kevin was a pro. Although Jules found Kevin a little obnoxious, he was way better to deal with than Nick, and he'd always wanted a trainer and to get in better shape so he agreed...
That turned out to be a BIG mistake. Kevin was obsessed with "having" Jules...just because he wanted to have everyone just to prove he could. While Jules was on the weight bench, Kevin climbed on top of him and pinned him down and started to have his way with him...sucking his neck, ripping his shirt off...sucking his nipples...Jules tried to fight Kevin off but Kevin was way too strong for him...and Jules was even more disturbed to realize something else--there was something about Kevin and this situation that was turning him on like he'd never been turned on before. "Once a whore, always a whore," he thought sadly...and gave in as Kevin began pounding the shit out of him with his HUGE cock.
Jules didn't know what to do. He loved Brian with all his heart...and loved making love with Brian...but he'd also never experienced anything as overpowering as the raw animalistic sex he had with Kevin. Sometimes he'd even find himself thinking of Kevin while he was making love with Brian. And that's EXACTLY what Kevin wanted....to possess Jules--to have him as a secret fucktoy--to know that even when he was with Brian he wouldn't be able to get Kevin out of his mind.
It became a daily ritual of sorts--Brian would leave for training and Kevin would come in and take Jules wherever he'd find him--on the bed, on the desk, on the balcony, up against the shower wall, in the sauna--and Jules equally loved it and hated it. The longer it went on, though, he more Jules decided it had to stop. He pleaded with Kevin to stop but Kevin wouldn't hear of it....and Jules became more and more mentally fragile, and thus more and more easier for Kevin to overpower...even when Jules would cry as Kevin was doing it. Jules eventually started drinking more and more. Brian was growing more and more comvinced that something was terribly wrong with Jules, as Jules was retreating into an almost catatonic state. Jules wouldn't tell him what was wrong though, no matter how much Brian begged and asked...he just wanted Brian to hold him and never let go. By this point he wasn't even able to have sex with Brian anymore.
Then came the day when Brian came back early and caught Kevin and Jules together. Jules tried to explain but Brian called Jules a worthless whore and stormed out. Kevin had now lost interest in Jules as it was no longer a secret, which was the major turnon for him. Jules was devastated and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Nick came in and started taunting Jules about being a no good slut, and something in Jules snapped and he wound up taking Nick the same way Kevin had taken him. Nick was incredibly turned on by this and wanted to go at it again after they came, but Jules told him to fuck off and threw him out and locked the door. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to accomplish, but he kept drinking and drinking and washing Valium down with it...
Jules woke up in the hospital a day later with Brian by his side. Brian explained that Howie, knowing nothing of all that had happened, had found him and called an ambulance and Brian. Brian told Jules he was sorry about what he had said and realized that there had to be more to what happened than he thought. Jules filled him in on what had happened...how even though he wanted to stop, Kevin wouldn't let him, and how he loved Brian and hated what this was doing to him and how it made him feel but he was finding it impossible to stop and he didn't know exactly why. Brian also confessed that that night he was so hurt and angry that he went out and picked up a fan and slept with him, but it just made him realize even more hoe much he had loved Jules.
Brian and Jules did a lot of talking and soul searching and realized what had happened. Kevin's behavior had subconsciously triggered in Jules a flood of memories of both being molested and experiences he'd had as an escort. This made Jules feel so horrible inside that he thought that this was the way he deserved to be treated--that he didn't deserve to be loved or cared for. But Jules realized that as painful as his past had been, he was a good person and he did deserve a loving relationship--if Brian still wanted him. Brian said absolutely--and how happy he was that Jules had finally made this mental breakthrough.
Jules was released from the hospital and the two of them checked into a different hotel where no one could find them. They made love for the first time in a long time....and Jules was happy to find that he didn't think of Kevin once.
Brian told Jules that in helping and witnessing Jules break through his problems, he'd reached some breakthroughs of his own. He realized he was miserable and living a lie. He hated the other group members and what the Backstreet Boys had become. He decided that he was going to quit the group and pursue a solo career and pursue songs of more substance...like George Michael and Robbie Williams had done before him. He also was going to publicly come out. He and Jules would put down roots in LA so Jules could pursue an acting career. He was nervous but finally completely happy and at peace, as was Jules.
Unfortunately, this proved impossible. The Svengali who had been in charge of the Backstreet Boys had put together an ironclad contract with hidden clauses that now came into play. One--Brian was contractually bound to be a group member until 2004. Two--there was a "morals" clause that forbade any member from coming out. If Brian violated either clause, he had to give back all his earnings as a Backstreet Boy. Brian immediately got a high-powered attorney who told him that while they would most assuredly fight the contract and had a good chance of winning, until that happened Brian was stuck in the group and on the tour. Brian and Jules had no choice but to comply. They stayed in a separate hotel and Brian only would be around the group when absolutely necessary. It was uncomfortable and frustrating, but they got through it together.
Eventually, the tour hit LA. Brian decided that it couldn't hurt for Jules to get an agent now and set up some meetings which went well, although they had nothing for Jules at the moment.
Further along on the tour, Jules saw in a soap mag that they were reviving his old favorite show, SANTA BARBARA--and among the characters being cast was a new Brandon, who was now about 21. Jules knew he could do that part and got on the phone with his agent and got an audition. Since he already knew all the back history, Jules gave a great audition and got the part.
The only downside was it started almost immediately...and the part was a big one so it meant he had to leave the tour and Brian and stay in LA. This terrified him--he was scared Brian would forget about him or find somebody else--and he considered turning the role down. But Brian told him that he couldn't blow this chance of a lifetime out of fear...and that while he would miss him terribly too, in just two months the tour would be over and they'd be together for good.
So, sadly, Jules went back to LA, got a place, and had his stuff shipped there. As much as he missed Brian, he was excited about the part...and it was nice to have his stuff again. He got almost immediate good reviews, which he was very happy about. Brian was proud for him. They talked for hours every night...at least in the beginning.
Brian began sounding more and more distant in his calls, and the calls became less and less frequent. Jules was panicking because this was the same pattern his other relationships had followed when they were ending...but Brian told him nothing was wrong. Jules threw himself into his part the best he could to take his mind off of it.
Then came the day when the tour ended and Brian showed up at Jules' place. Jules wondered why Brian had no belongings with him. Brian said that's because he wasn't staying and they had to talk.
Brian explained that the time apart made him realize that while he loved Jules, he wasn't IN love with him. He hoped they could be friends. Jules was devastated and begged Brian to tell him who else he had fallen for, but Brian said there was no one else...it was just a conclusion he'd come to. Jules begged Brian to change his mind but Brian said he couldn't. He hoped Jules would forgive him someday and they could be friends. And if Jules ever needed a friend, all he had to do was call and he'd be there. With that he left.
This was devastating enough for Jules, but nothing could prepare him for the shock of what he saw in the paper the next day. It was a lengthy front page article on Brian and Nick. They had both come out publicly...and were an official item. "I've never experienced love like this before," Brian was quoted as saying.
Jules frantically called Brian for some sort of explanation...
...But Brian had changed his number.
In the final scene, Jules sat alone on his terrace bitterly swilling champagne from his cobalt flute as he halfheartedly leafed through a cover story on him in one of the soap mags. Perhaps he should hire an escort or become a (granted, extremely young) "daddy" himself, he thought. In some ways, it seemed more honest than love.
THE END
(I did warn you this was going to be much darker than most other stories... =P )
Once again, thanks to everyone for everything...and good luck with your own stories. =)
Jules