The following is based on actual events, the age, identity of the characters have been changed and no real names have been used.
Is it what they see in the other person? or what they would like to see in themselves?
In my case it's all about attitude and the following story is all about that appeal that transends any shortcomings a man might have in terms of familiarity.
My life is a constant battle of good and evil, it's the Catholic upbringing and the Irish background, someone once said, not sure who "The Irish are the only group of people that are immune to the benefits of psychoanalysis" This rings true having had many mad moments with Irish people, family included.
What Irish people, Irish men in particular seem to hold is an innocent distance that they use to protect themselves from the harsh realities of the world and life in general, that's me, innocent and guilty, guilty for rushing in where most men would not go.
A Turkish bath in London, old as anything, it's been here for years and looks even older, in fact it looks older than anything you might imagine in Istanbul, old and tiled with an assortment of men, it's men's day in the baths and there's allsorts here today, like there usually is on Saturday, Cabbies, builders, market traders, actors, dancers, tourists, company directors and the retired crowd, the ones that had a hard life when they were young, when it was illegal to give into their desire for male company, they came here, still do for a fix, a fix of masculinity, there's no more male environment than a Saturday here not unless you're into to Rugby or in the forces.
Here i am today day, usual crowd, the German bloke with the PA who likes to show it off all the time, his mate who i was first introduced to while having a rub down, i saw his dick first from a lying down position and it was a big one, in fact never seen one like it for size and shape.
Some of the crowd is a bit rough in this place, all mouth and territory, this is their East End and i am only accepted with this lot cos one of their crowd fancies me rotten, he's married and obviously likes em in their early 30's but looking younger, then there's the weirdo's the bloke who does Kung Fu streches and poses in the dry room, the Jamaican who's always smashed, the old pin stripe villan with the gold sovereign's who asked me once if i wanted to go away for a week in the sun "Bring your own spending money" he says, i turned him down, after all i am in a relationship with Pat and it's an old fashioned one as well, two Irish Catholic boys the guilt is a nightmare at times.
Here he comes, Rick, 5ft 9 tall, black shortish wavy hair, small waist, big hairy legs, nice equipment, i was hooked, he is very masculine as well, i guessed Police, in fact he'd just come out of the forces, Army, he asked me if i wanted a rub down, would i decline? if i did i would've been mad, we head towards the hottest steam room at the end for some privacy, interesting rub down, instant erection for both of us, he ask's "fancy a cold hose" i need that right now, it's so hot in here only the old boys can stand longer than ten minutes.
The rub down is good, we head for the 'dry' room, still hot but no steam and a place to stretch out for a dry massage, i massage slow and use baby oil, Rick is quite hairy so it gets a bit messy, now i can appreciate his sincerity and real soul, when you discover that in a man it kills the cynicism in you,here he is in all his naked glory, ex Army, he's left the mess room now and is out there for love.
Fingers, toes and his meaty arse gets a proper working over, this isn't a gay sauna, officially, the men in here are more connected but less open, if that makes sense, it all about want and need but not necessary overkill, sometimes it works and in this case it's working better than it ever could, a man fresh from the straight uniformed world of the army and it's constraints is not a cynical old queen that is on the scene every night, not exactly a novelty in this place but nice to see.
His eyes are dark, dark and glacial, i'm catching sideways glances as i bend over, it's getting hotter and my sweat is dropping down on his back, i quicky rub it off and continue, he wants to say something to me, i bend down and he holds my hand, in a gentle way.
"Have you got a boyfriend"
I pause and i'm a bad liar so i reply straight away "Yes mate, long term"
"oh" he says.
I carry on the massage and Rick become even more relaxed, he grabs my hand again and rubs it on his eye, he's crying and it's a shock for me, he likes me i'm thinking, i'm not used to men asking me if i'm in a relationship, not men like this, Rick is a man definitely.
I decide to bend down, "Are you crying mate?"
"Oh don't worry about it" he replies with a sigh "Just a big softie really"
"Lets dry up and get a drink"
We grabbed our towels and headed to the slow service drink and snack counter.
Things are moving pretty quick for me, my 8 year relationship with Pat is cracking up and Rick is hungry for love, so am i, his work hours are a nightmare, i don't like deceit and getting over to see him and getting back to Pat without looking like i've been up to something is a job, this is unknown territory for me, the deceit, the rush home, the stolen intense moments, something's got to give and instinctively i can feel that 3 peoples lives are going to change quickly, the march of personal desire is strong with men, with strong minded men it's even stronger and for passionate strong minded men its unavoidable.
I'm on one of my visits, he opens the door, dressed in a white dressing gown, open at the front he's just had a bath i think, smells good, freshly shaven and hair's getting longer, black,slighty wavy and still damp, i go straight for the mouth, it's open, my body is shaking, never had this with Pat, not like this, the tongue stays in there for a long time, twisting and licking, the beautiful chin gets a good licking and all the way those black masculine eyes watching, observing asking me questions, questions without speech, what are they saying to me?
"I love these moments" he blurts
"Shut up" i say, did i say that? what do i think i'm in a 40's film noir?, we laugh a bit and get back to what i'm here for, no not the sex, it's the soul, the eyes, the mouth, that's not sex, don't know what it is, don't happen to me a lot, can't, too intense, to give youself like this is madness, won't be the same after this, can i cope? can he manage? don't know, what's happening here, this is wrong, this is right as well, it's against nature, but it is nature and nature is abundant tonight, the seeds of love don't grow, they were there from the beginning and will be at the end.
We make it into the living room, he's on all fours, bent over, i grab him from behind, he's a physical man and responds straight away by wriggling like a Jack Russel, i'm not letting this love sick dog get away, i grab his black mane and pull his head back, kissing him from behind and biting his lip, even though he's shaved i can feel the roughness of his already sprouting growth, i could enter him here and now but that's too easy and we've got a long night ahead, i grab him around the waist and squeeze tight, he's my stress ball, my pillow, my lemon, juicy and sharp, good combination, his feet are my next target, his big shapely toes are like bits of cheese, i'm hungry and dinner's ready, raw meat is juicy and steak's on the menu, prime beef.
"i'm waiting for it" he beckons from the bed, i don' t have to be told what to do, but i do it like i've never done before and might never do again, the hand holding and warm feel of his back sends my heart into overdrive, we kiss all the while, he mutters, he could be Italian, or Greek but he's English, he's old school ex Army, if they get this pent up before they let em out i'm won't complain but he has heart and i've got it in my sights.
"Harder" he mutters "Don't come yet mate" i won't mate, believe me, i won't.
His insides feel like something else, he loves it so much, the effect it has on him having another man inside, a man he loves? he's taken in, this is gonna go on for hours, with breaks for breath and more neck straining kisses, "Don't stop" he's pleading, me? i'm deaf, my senses are fucked all that i can hear and see are narrowed to a point in space and time that cannot be defined.
Standing now, pushing, tugging, violent mouth to mouth, this is war now, who's gonna win? maybe there will be an amnesty, the tears, the mutterings, all over soon, i can't hold out forever, not all night, got to explode, never felt an anti climax after ejaculation before, means we have to seperate for a while, he goes to the loo, his guts are a bit sore, i go in there and he's holding my hand while he's on the pan, more finger kissing, the afterglow and the parting, tears as well, cos i can't stay the night, the guilt and Pat is killing me.
Leaving his house is like coming out of the cinema, the reflection, review, what happened there, it's gonna burn me up soon, we've got to work, i've got a train to catch, not ready for this, is he?
It all ended soon after, i wouldn't move in, too sudden, too scary, i split with Pat, he found someone else, a surrogate who then left him, he moved, i moved, Pat stayed.
Men are men and they will not learn, never ever, don't want to, don't have to, in this world for other purposes, love is a master dressed in black leather, he won't let you until he wants you to feel him, he grabs you when you're not prepared and then it's too late, you have to let go.
I hope you enjoyed this story. I have other stories on this site, if you like my stories and would like further information please contact me at: robbostew@yahoo.co.uk