Author's Notes: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I hope that 2001 bring you all that your dreams desire.
Sorry this chapter turned out a little longer that what is normal for me, but it's still shorter than some stories. CoughBecauseILoveUCough...you go Smoothie.
Disclaimer: This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me...to find my way back home, I'm lost and I can't find my way. Please oh please help me sir, my senses have gone a stray. Take me by the hand and lead me to the promised land. For I am a long lost soul and why the hell are you still reading this shit for???
--------------------------- Beyond What Is - Chapter 16 ---------------------------
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The voice hit me...So foreign, yet so familiar. I pulled away, opened my eyes and wiped the tears away.
"You sure walked far. I almost gave up looking for you."
"Why did you come at all."
"I had nothing better to do and I thought I might find you and bring you back before the storm hits."
"No need to worry about me. I'm a big boy."
"Well big boys catch pneumonia too you know."
"Why do you care...you don't even know me."
"I don't?"
"No...you don't."
"Ok then, do I have to know someone to care about them."
No, but..."
"Ok, fine...let's get to know each other. Hi, my name is Lee."
He said holding out his hand to me. I didn't move. He reached down and grabbed my hand and started to shake it.
"You're Kyle right, well it's great to meet you. There, now we know each other and I can worry all I want about you."
I just smiled and shook my head at him.
"You're too much. You and Lance are going to get along great. You're both are just way too corny for your own good."
"I will take that as a compliment. Now do you want to talk about it."
"Talk about what?"
"Talk about why you are sitting out here in the cold while the person you love is in another city all alone boarding a plane without the person he loves there to wish him off."
"You are allowed to breathe in-between words you know."
"But you are not allowed to change the subject."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Try me. I've been around a lot longer than you have."
And that means you know what I'm going through right now...I don't think so...I barely know what's going on."
"If you don't know, how do you think JC feels. Did you ever stop and think about him."
"That's all I have been doing. Do you think I am doing this all for me. If I was only thinking of myself, I would be on a plane to Florida right now."
"I don't think you would. If you were thinking of yourself, you would be thinking about how comfortable your life is right now. And how leaving the safety and security of your life to be with JC would throw your life into uncertainty. How you would lose control of your life and how you wouldn't be able to handle not having that control."
"Are you a psychiatrist...cause if you are, you need to find another calling."
"I think I summed it up pretty well."
"Fine...it's true...I need that control of my life. I can't handle things when I don't know what is just around the corner. But that has nothing to do with why I am not on that plane with him right now."
"Then enlighten me."
I stood up and walked to the very edge of the rock, looking out to the ocean with my back towards Lee. The sky was a mass of black clouds outlined in the orange of the setting sun.
"I have never loved anyone as much as I love Josh. He had my heart from the moment I saw him, that I can't deny. There's just something there, an attraction that pulled us together and when I'm with him I know what true love is. But with that love, I know with every fiber of my being that we are not meant to be right now. He has a love for music that is leading him in a direction away from me. It's who he is and I will not be the one to stand in the way of his love and passion for music."
"Did you ever ask him how he felt about it."
"I don't need too...it's in his eyes...it's in his voice when he sings. He could sit there and say that I am the only thing in his heart, but I know it's not true. He wouldn't be complete without that part of him and if I was in the picture it would ruin any chance of all his dreams coming true. This is for the best."
"So you think it would be best if he put his whole life on hold until he rises to the top of pop stardom. Miss out on all that life has for him just to fulfill a dream."
"It's not what I think, it's what I believe."
"And I take it that once you believe something, there is no changing your mind."
I turned back to look at him and smiled.
"Nope."
"Well, can I get you to change your mind at least about going back to the house. The wind is starting to pick up and I think...I believe that it would be better if we were not out here when the storm hits."
I nodded and walked back over to him and held my hand out to help him up. He took my hand and stood. We started the climb down the rock and back to the beach. I was walking slightly ahead of him with my hands in my pockets and my head down.
"A penny for your thoughts."
"You must think my thoughts are pretty shitty or you are just a plain cheap ass bastard."
"You are a pretty funny guy there Kyle....whew...I'm still laughing at that one."
"Ooooo Sarcasm will get you everywhere." I shouted over my shoulder.
You want to know what I'm thinking....here."
I ran up a ways and found a stick and went back to the water break line and started writing in the smooth wet sand as I walked.
Deep inside I feel I feel My heart explodes I heal I heal Searching for something I know I know It hurts so bad I grow I grow The past behind me I hide I hide Reality's here I died I died My life before me I hope I hope My heart's found peace I cope I cope
As I spelled out the last word, I dragged the stick in the sand for a while then walked towards the water and threw the stick out into the pounding waves. I walked back and sat down waiting for Lee.
Lee was walking slowly reading every word written in the wet sand. When he reached me, he stood over me, looking down at me.
"Did you just make that up?"
"Nah, I wrote it back in high school after a girlfriend dumped me. I was running through my mind when you asked me what I was thinking."
"If I was a shrink, I would be having so much fun with you right now."
"Don't even try to analyze me. It would take you someplace dark and forbidding."
"Why Kyle, were you one of those kids that dressed all in black, with their hair hanging in their face and black make-up and nail polish."
"Ummm No, why?"
"Never mind...Anyways...what you just wrote out, that is really good. Do you like to write?"
"I never really liked writing. But I do sit down and jot thing out when my mind needs to be cleared."
"You really should try your hand at writing. I think you would be really good at it. Plus, I've been told it's pretty good at helping you clear your head."
"What do you think I could write? I mean I would have no idea what to write."
"Write poetry...write songs...write whatever will help you work through whatever goes on in that head of yours. Have you ever heard of the Nifty Archives on the web?"
"No."
"It is a database with mostly gay stories. I was just thinking about your situation and what you could write. There is a section there about boy-bands. It's usually fiction, but you could sit down and write about you and JC. Hell, no one would know that it's real life."
"You can't be serious."
"It was just a thought...Now come on, we've got to get going."
"Wait...first...did you really think that was good?"
"Yes, now come on...we have a long walk and not much time."
We walked back talking about all kinds of things. About Jay, about Jared, about our lives. Lee was great and kept the subject away from JC. But he was all I could think of. I was doing the right thing and I keep repeating that over and over in my mind.
When we got back to the houses, Lee wanted me to come into Sylvia's house, but I shook my head and wished him good night. He pulled me into a hug, rubbed my back and whispered that things had a way of working out for the best. I nodded at him and turned and walked to the house.
I walked into the dark and silent house. Without turning on the lights, I walked to the bedroom and to the bed. I crawled in, pulling the pillow to me and hugging it tight. I took a deep breath, hoping to get just a slight smell of Josh into my nose. I could smell him. My eyes closed tight and I was crying, but no tears came out. Inside my heart was dead. I sat up and place the pillow gently back onto the bed, stroking it a few time. I got up off the bed and in the darkness, began to gather my stuff and pack them up. I could hear the rain start up and the wind was beating it against the window. When I was finished packing, I locked up the house and got into my car. I sat there with my hands on the steering wheel for a minute and then reached over and to turn the key, but something caught my eye. I looked over and there was an envelope taped to my radio. I picked it up, pulled out the letter that was inside and turned on the light. It was from Josh.
Kyle,
I wish I could hate you...I really do. Words can not describe what you are putting me through. I am hurt, confused, angry and sad. You said you are doing what you think is best for us. I tried to understand what your reasoning behind that is. I talked it over with Lance and with Jay. They both said you are being an asshole. I can tell you that I did agree with them on that. But after thinking about it and running over everything in my mind for the past few hours, I can see your point. I don't agree with it, but I see it none the less.
How can I hate someone that is only looking after my best interests and your own. I would be a fool to think that I could just rip you away from everything in your life, to drag you around as if you were some puppy tied to me. You are wrong though on one point. I would give this all up for you. I know it in my heart, but I also know that if you can sacrifice your happiness right now, I owe it to you to find out if that sacrifice was worth all the pain it is causing. I will put my all into finding and accomplishing all my dreams in the hopes of one day having the chance of happiness the we were meant to have.
So for now Kyle, I will say good bye and if by chance in the future. When all is said and done, and you spot a slightly worn boy-band member, clinging to the last bit of the fading spot light of fame. Please come over and ask for a dance. I will always say yes and will always have our song ready for that moment. So until that moment...
With all my love Josh.
Numbness took over my body as I finished reading the letter. A flash of lightening and a crack of thunder brought me out of my momentary trance. I put the letter down on the passenger seat, reach over and started the car. As the engine turned over, my CD player turned on and out poured our song from the speakers....
Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I reached over and turned the volume up and leaned back, closing my eyes. As the song continued...
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
My mind flashed to a picture of two figures dancing. Their bodies swaying gently to the rhythm of the song. They were both older men, in their forties. As the song continued,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
but I believe
The one facing me looked up and the deep blue of his eyes hit me.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I've been waiting all my life
They continued to dance through the song, pulling each other closer and gazing into each other's eyes. Their movements were slow and graceful. As the song neared it's end, the one with the deep blue eyes turned back to me and smiled a smile that hit me hard.
I knew I loved you before I met you.....
The image of an older me, dancing with an older Josh faded as the song faded. My eyes flew open as the next song started.
I put the car into drive and pulled out of the driveway knowing that the future could hold the possibility of that vision coming true. I reached over and played our song over again and hit the repeat button.
All the way home, I listened to that song. I will never tire of it. The drive home was a blur. About half way home, my cell phone rang. I knew who it was. It was Jay, getting back to the house to find me gone. I didn't answer it. I would be seeing him soon enough and I didn't want to get into that over the phone.
I got home about 11 pm and the rain had all but stopped. I walked into my bedroom and crawled into my bed. The moment my head hit my pillow, I was out.
"What am I going to do with you Kyle?"
The voice spoke just beyond my consciousness. So far, yet so close. So emotionless, yet so loving. The question was there, but I had no answer.
"I just hope you know what you're doing. He is the one for you Kyle. I know he is. I can see it in his eyes, I can see it in yours. Why Kyle? I don't understand it. Why would you do that to him. Why would you do that to yourself. Why....."
I wanted to scream out. I wanted all the questions to be answered. I wanted all these dreams to end. I wanted more than what I had. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be loved, I wanted to love... I wanted Josh. I wanted....but I was silent and the voice stopped. Quiet took over and what I knew at that moment faded into darkness.
I opened my eyes to a new day and there glaring back at me from a chair next to my bed was Jay.
"You fuckin scared me to death."
"Good morning to you too Jay."
"Shut up...God damn it Kyle. I got back to the house and you were gone. I call your cell and you don't answer. I raced back here doing 95 all the way only to find you asleep on your bed. You were fuckin still in your clothes for christ sakes."
I looked at myself and I was in my normal bed attire.
"Thank you...but you didn't have to change me. I guess that was you last night asking me why? huh."
"Yeah...so, tell me...Why?"
"Why??? I could tell you all the reasons, only to have you throw them back into my face with some special Jay rational that only makes sense in your own mind."
"Fuck you Kyle. I'm not some pretty boy model with the IQ of stale bread. Don't make me remind you who got the better grades in school. Or who is following their dreams, Mister stay in San Jose and lead the comfortable life, even though it's not what you wanted for your life. I know you...I know what's in your heart. And I know that you should have been at the airport giving the man you love a proper send off."
"Then if you know me so well, I guess I don't have to explain anything to you. You seem to know it all already, Mister All Knowing. So take your know everything ass and fly it back to Florida."
"I forgive you for that Kyle, for I know where it's coming from and I hope that you can find the strength to get back from there. And when you do find yourself, I will be waiting with open arms."
I saw the hurt in his eyes, though he was trying his hardest to hide it from me. He turned and started to walk out of the bedroom. I jumped up and crawled across the bed and onto the floor. I crawled after him and grabbed his legs and hugged them tight.
"Jay...I'm so sorry...forgive me please Jay...I can't live with us like this...I can't."
I looked up at him and he was looking straight ahead and then he turned his head down and looked at me in the eyes.
"Kyle, you are my best friend, my brother and I love you more than you will ever know. There is nothing here to forgive you for. I also understand where you are coming from, as does Josh. Everything you told him was the truth and from the heart. Josh knows this and that is all that matters."
He sat down and I righted myself and sat up next to him.
"Well ain't we a pair, raggedy man." He said in his best Tina Turner voice.
I just smiled and looked down shaking my head.
"When did our roles reverse...How did I end up with the fucked up life and you become my savior?"
"Your life isn't fucked up Kyle. And even if it is, you have many... many...many more years to fuck it up even worse. And you know that I will be right there to tell you what a fuck up you really are."
"Well, as long as you still have Lance in your life, at least there will be a little brightness in my life."
"Cute...Asshole."
"I try Missy."
"So when are you coming out to Orlando for your visit?"
"Would you be too mad if I didn't?"
"Not really, but why don't you want to come out?"
"Come on Jay, it's too close to Christmas and plus, it's just too fresh."
"Are you just going to sit at home and stew?"
"Yeah, that sounds like me."
"Yeah, it does."
"When's your flight home funny boy?"
"Tonight."
"Are you coming to dinner?"
"Of course...Oooo dinner with the family and all eyes will be on Kyle instead of me."
"Shit."
"I am going to enjoy this."
I got up and laid on my bed and covered my eyes with my arm. Jay got up and sat on the bed and put his hand on my leg.
"Come on Kyle, you know your family. This will mean nothing to them. They probably won't even say a thing about it."
He laid down next to me and pulled me into his arms. I took his arm into my own. The warmth of his body and the feeling of being held put me in a comfort zone that I never felt with Jay. I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was asleep.
The next thing I knew, the phone was ringing. I reached over and picked it up after the second ring.
"Hello"
"So you made it home huh?"
"Yeah."
"We're having pot roast for dinner, you interested?"
"Depends."
"Depends on what?"
"Who's going to be there."
"Well, Me, Rick, Kellie, you and...."
"And?"
"You know damn well who else will be here."
"Great, sound's like a grand time. What time is dinner?"
"In about an hour...and you are welcome to bring whoever you wish."
"You know....I think I will. As soon as I can unwrap his arms from around me and wake him up, I will ask if he wants to come."
"......Josh? That would be great Kyle. You know..."
"Whatever." I said interrupting her and hung up.
I got up and shook Jay awake.
"I'm grabbing a shower. Shell should be calling in about 2 seconds, answer the phone. We're going there for dinner in about an hour."
As I got up and started walking to the bathroom, the phone started ringing and Jay picked it up.
"Ellow Shell.......yeah, it's me....I don't know, why?"
I closed the door and started the shower and jumped in when the water reached temperature. I stood under the running water until Jay started to pound on the door.
"Hurry your ass up Kyle...we've got to leave soon."
I finished washing up. I jumped out, dried myself, threw a towel around my waist and walked out of the bathroom. Jay walked past me already undressed and hopped into the shower. I got dressed and walked back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my hair. Jay stepped out of the shower and dried himself. He threw the towel over his shoulders and walked up behind me.
"You know, you didn't have to be so pissy with Shell. She was just trying to tell you that all she wants is for you to be happy. They all want that Kyle. I want that. And if that means you and Josh or you and a fish, as long as you are happy, I am happy for you."
He put his arm around my neck and pulled me to him.
"Be happy Kyle."
"Shut up and get your damp ass away from me you freak."
He smiled at me, messed up my hair and walked out of the bathroom.
We finished getting ready and headed out to Shell's house. We were of course late, as we usually were when we are together. Funny, we both are always right on time when we are by ourselves, but put us together and we will always show up late. When we pulled up to the house, Mom and Dad's car was in the driveway. I parked the car and just sat there for a second.
"Let's go Kyle. We haven't eaten all day and I'm starving."
"Why, you're just going to go barf it all up any ways."
"Oh don't you even fucking start on that shit. I haven't done that in years. This bod is from exercise and I ain't stupid enough to pass up a home cooked meal, even if Shell cooked it."
"I'll remember to tell her that."
"Shut up asshole and let's go."
We got out of the car and walked into the house. Dad, Rick and Kell were sitting watching TV. Kellie ran over and wrapped me up in a hug.
"Hi Uncle Kyle." She said as he let me go and ran upstairs.
"They're here." My father yelled out as he got up and walked past me to Jay.
"Are you doing ok Jay?"
"Yeah Dad, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Jay said as he wrapped my father in a hug.
"Hey Ky, hey Jay...Sorry I couldn't make it to your Mom's service Jay. If there is anything I can do..."
"Nah, don't worry about it Rick. I'm good, but thank for the offer."
"Well, let's eat." Mom said as she walked into the room. Walking right past me, she pulled Jay into a hug. "How are you doing sweetie?"
"I'm fine Mom."
"Are you eating ok. You don't look like you have. If you don't take care of yourself, I will have to fly out to Florida and take care of you myself...got that?"
"Yes Mom."
"For christ sakes Gayle, give the boy a break. You just saw him the other day. He couldn't have changed that much."
"When are you flying out?"
"I have to leave for the airport in about an hour, so this is like a eat and dash."
"Come on people...the food is getting cold." Shell said as she entered the room.
We all started to walk into the dinning room. As I passed Shell, she hit me on the back of the head.
"That's for this morning."
We all sat down and Kellie came running back into the room and sat down next to me.
"Ky?"
"Yeah, Kell?"
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
She pulled out a hat from under the table and handed it to me.
"Can you get JC to sign this for me. All the other guys did already, but you and JC took off and I didn't get a chance to ask him."
I looked at the hat and didn't say anything.
"KELLIE!"
"What."
I looked up in time to see the glare that Shell was giving her daughter.
"Well, after all JC is his boyfriend. Why can't I ask him to have him sign it."
"Kellie, that's enough."
It grew silent at the table as Kell folded her arms over her chest and started to pout.
"Shell, it's ok. There's no reason to get upset with her...Well, I guess the subject is on the table now. Bring it on."
I sat back and waited.
"Jason, hand me your plate. I'm going to make sure you are getting enough to eat."
"Gayle, would you leave the boy be."
"I'm fine Mom, I can serve myself."
"Well Jason, I hope you like it...Mom cooked it, I didn't. She wanted the food prepared right tonight and wouldn't let me do more than cut vegetables."
Jay smiled.
"What's that smile for...boy you better not be thinking that I'm a bad cook."
"Aww come on Shell. I would never think anything like that." Jay said with an even bigger smile. One that he used to get himself out of jams.
"Jay, you should have to live with her cooking everyday. You would change your song."
"RICK! You better watch what you say. They will be leaving in a few hours and your little comment is going to be the topic of a conversation that you will not be liking."
"What is this avoidance of the subject. I know you all want to talk about it. So lets talk." I said rather loudly.
"Talk about what Honey."
"Give it a rest Mom. You know what I'm talking about. Let's drop the bullshit and talk."
"Son, there is no reason to talk to your mother that way. There is nothing to talk about. You fell in love with someone and we are all happy for you. To us, it doesn't matter who you fell in love with. All that matters is that you are happy."
"This is not right. What the hell is wrong with you people. Your son fell in love with another man. You're suppose to be mad. You're suppose to be yelling. You're suppose to be asking what you did wrong. You're suppose..."
"That's enough Kyle. You seem to be the only one in this room with a problem with this. You need to get it through your head that there is nothing wrong with what you're feeling. There is nothing wrong with the love that you have for Josh. Damn...your whole family is sitting here showing their love and support for you and all you do is throw it back in their faces. It seems to me that you are trying to find an excuse...any excuse for you not to love him. Well, you seem to be running out of excuses.
"Ky...listen to Jay. We are your family and we support you at what ever path life take you on. I will always be your big sister and I will always be here to protect you, but I can not protect you from yourself. You're the one that need to sit down and figure out what is in your heart and accept it. We can see what's there, now it's up to you."
"I already know what's there. I know what my feeling for Josh are and I know that at this point in our lives that I can't be...we can't be. You sit there as say you see it all and then tell me to follow what you see. You do not see it all and I will not blindly follow what everyone thinks they see. If I am wrong then I have totally fucked up my life and any chance of pure happiness. But if I am right, Josh will go on to live his dream...to experience what he was meant to experience. And that, I will not risk for my own happiness."
"But what about Josh's happiness Uncle Kyle?"
"I have hurt him more in the last week than anyone deserves. If I'm in his life, he'll never find happiness. He has Lance and the guys in the group and he has a great friend in Jay. They will help him find the happiness he deserves in life."
"Why can't you see that he can accomplish all that and still have you in his life...What is the difference between my relationship with Lance and your's with Josh?"
"There is a big difference...a whole continent difference. And don't give me that where there's a will there's a way bullshit. I know in my heart that this will not work at this point in our lives. I accept that and I believe Josh accepts it. Now, this conversation is over. Jay has 40 minutes before we have to leave, can we please eat now?"
The room grew quiet and everyone started to eat. I handed the hat to Jay and he took it. After a few minutes, the talk started up again concerning Jay and his plans for the holidays. Dinner ended with me not saying a word about anything. Jay said his good-byes and we left with Jay carrying a grocery bag full of left overs for the trip home.
We rode in silence to Jay's house. He grabbed his stuff and we headed to the airport.
"I envy you."
"What?"
"I said I envy you. You have a loving family that is warm and caring. You should cherish that fact."
"I do Jay. You know that you are considered one of us."
"It's not the same."
"Well, you know, there are two guys in Las Vegas that would like to have the chance to be that kind of family too you."
"I know. God, I can't believe that he's alive. Man Kyle, I have a father. It feels so good to say that...and yet, I would give knowing him up to have my mother back."
"I know you would. But that won't be happening. Give him a chance Jay. One that he never had. One that he deserves to have."
We arrived at the airport, parked the car and check him in as they announced his flight's boarding.
"Well Bro, I say we had ourselves quite an adventure. I sure wish you would come out to Orlando for a while and visit."
"You know I can't Jay."
"I know. You are going to take the positions in Mom's company aren't you?"
"I may go check it out and see how I would fit in."
"I know that look. It's a "not on your life" look. Funny thing is, Mom probably knew you wouldn't take the job. I'm sure they have the job open for you, but she probably told them that they could fill it with someone they want soon cause you wouldn't want to be the "boy that got the job cause Jane died". See I'm right."
I pulled him into a hug.
"Shut up and get on your plane."
"I think you've actually rubbed off on me Kyle. I'm starting to sound and act just like you."
"Well, at least it's an improvement."
"I'm going to miss you Asshole."
"I'm going to miss you too Missy."
We broke apart and he started to walk towards his gate.
"See ya soon Bro."
"Please change your mind and come to Florida?"
"Sorry."
"How about New year's eve...Hawaii? I'll call you with the details."
"We'll see."
He waved one last time and then flipped me off. He rounded the corner laughing. I shook my head and headed back to the car.
I drove home in complete silence. I wasn't in the mood to hear anything but the sound of my tires on the road. When I got home, I sat on the couch. My mind started racing.
Back to work tomorrow, to the same old boring job. Or do I go check out Jane's company, take the job and have everyone looking at me like I was the biggest loser on earth. Only getting the job cause I knew the person that had it and inherited it after she died. Nope, back to my own job. After that then what....No Jen...To call, to talk too, to go see. Just come home to an empty place and sit by myself, all alone.
I laid down and covered my eyes with my arm, totally lost in thought. The darkness of sleep overtook me and when I opened my eyes, I was sitting in that same chair as in that other dream. In total darkness, with that same spotlight heading my way and stopping directly over me. Shinning down on me as before.
"Why Kyle?" Boomed out of the darkness.
"Why what?" I said in a low beaten voice.
"Why so sad Kyle?"
"You know why."
"Be happy Kyle."
"Because?"
"You're alive Kyle"
"Big deal."
"There will always be a tomorrow Kyle."
"So it has been said."
"Look forward to tomorrow Kyle."
"It has nothing in store for me."
"Always look forward to tomorrow Kyle."
"Hopefully tomorrow I can go back to sleeping without dreams."
"Dreams are tomorrow Kyle."
"That makes sense."
"Without dreams, there is no hope for tomorrow Kyle."
"Hope for what?"
"This Kyle."
The spot light dimmed to darkness and in the darkness the sound of piano music hit my ears. The spot light came on again and before me was a older man sitting at a piano, playing a song I didn't recognize. He started to sing and his voice hit me. It was so soft, so soothing. I took a step forward and the man looked up. My eyes connected with his piercing blue eyes. I walked over to him and held out my hand.
"Josh?"
He stopped playing and smiled a smile I would recognize throughout the ages. His face lit up and I could see the Josh I knew now in the wrinkles and graying hair. Somewhere in the background music started playing. It was our song.
"May I have this dance?"
He lifted his hand to mine and he got up off the piano bench. I took him into my arms and drew him close to me. I couldn't get him close enough. I leaned into him and rested my head against his shoulder, putting my face up against his neck. I took a deep breath, taking in his smell. We started to sway back in forth to the music, just as we had done at the beach house on the deck. We continued to dance through the song and as it ended, he put his finger underneath my chin and raised my head up. I looked into his eyes as he leaned over and our lips met. The warmth of his kiss overtook my whole body and I closed my eyes. As we continued to kiss, he lowered me down to the ground. Our lips parted and he leaned over and whispered in my ear.
"I love you Kyle."
"I love you too Josh." I said as I opened my eyes to the darkness of my apartment.
I took a deep breath and got up off the couch. I walked into the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I walked back to my bed and laid down, but couldn't go back to sleep.
I got up and walked over to my computer and turning it on and logged into my ISP. I had no e-mail. My thoughts went back to my talk with Lee. I opened a search window and entered Nifty Archives. It came back with some results and I clicked on the first one. It took me to the main menu of the Nifty Archives. I looked for a section on boy-bands like Lee said, but there wasn't one. So I clicked on the Celebrity link to see if the stories were there. There was a link on the page to the Boy-band section, so I click on it. When the page came up, there was about a hundred or more stories listed. I clicked on the first one and it opened up. It had 10 chapters written, so I clicked on chapter one. Before I knew it, I was finished with all ten chapters and had moved onto the next story. I continued to read until I looked up and the sun was starting to shine through my window.
I got up out of my chair and called work to tell them that I wasn't feeling good and I wouldn't be in. After I hung up, I sat back down at my computer and moved on to another story. Though I had skipped almost all the Backstreet Boys stories, it took me until noon to reach the last one. I got up out of my chair and stretched. I walked to the bathroom and took a shower. All I could think about was those stories. How creative and romantic some of them were. How the authors took the guys of Nsync...Josh and Lance in a few, and made them into characters that were alive without even knowing them.
I finished my shower and in my towel sat back down in front of the computer again. I opened up my Word program and started typing...
Not Meant to Be - Chapter One
"Hello"
"Hi Ky...Uh, we have a big favor to ask you."
"What now Sis"
T H E E N D ______________________________________________________
Yep that's right...The End. No more chapter to wait on. It's over. I can't believe it's taken me a year to tell this story. The year has gone by so fast. I have met so many wonderful people through the telling of this story and I hope to meet many more through Nifty. Please, if you have read this story and have not written to me, please do so. I would like to personally thank you for taking the time to read it. I wanted to take this time to publically thank the people who have written to me, but I lost a few e-mails during the process of transferring information over to my new computer and it wouldn't be fair to leave anyone off the list. You all know who you are and please know that you have a special place in my heart...From those who I talk to on a daily basis, to those of you that have written me one line e-mails never to be heard from again...My e-mail account will always be open for every last one of you, so please take some time to say Hi.
As for me...I will possibly go back and visit my first story, "Fate Stepped In". I am also taking over a story from a friend Brent. It is a gasp...Nick Carter story called "Gene". The first few chapters are posted on Nifty already.
Also, if you don't know it already, I have a webpage. Stop by and check it out.
http://www.geocities.com/k_magic_2000
Take care and enjoy life.
Peace
Kyle
PS...Josh, see told ya I'd write it :p