Author's Notes:
I would like to personally THANK all the authors of the stories on The Nifty Archive's Boy Band Section for choosing "Not Meant to Be" for the Author's Choice Award in the 4th Boy Band Story Awards. I am still blown away by this honor and I hope that this story continues to live up to to the standard you expect from it. Again, Thank you.
Disclaimer: Look everyone...it came home...my beloved disclaimer came back to me. Unfortunately it's still in shock from it's ordeal, so it's going to need some time to adjust back to normal. Thanks to all that help bring my lille disclaimer back to me.
Please send any comments to: k_magic@prodigy.net
------------------------------- BEYOND WHAT IS - CHAPTER TWELVE -------------------------------
Jay and Josh each held out a beer to us and we accepted them.
"Aren't you contributing to the deliquency of a minor there Jay?"
"Hey...for your information Kyle, I will be twenty-one in a few months."
"Plus Lance gets all horny when he's been drinking, and that is the way I want him."
Jay sat down behind Lance and wrapped his arms around him. Josh just stood there looking out into the ocean.
"Josh, if you don't want to sit next to Kyle, you can come join me and Lance over here. It'll be in like a boyband sandwich."
"Hey meat...this is an open face sandwich and I'm the only piece of bread."
"Oh man Lance, that was bad." Josh said shaking his head.
"Yeah bread...really...really white bread." I said as I held my hand out to Josh.
He took it and smiled down at me as he sat down by my side.
"Gesh and you think I say corny thing."
"No Josh, you say cheesy thing...and I'll take the cheese over the corn...anyday."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Lance giving Jay a little nudge as Josh scooted behind me and took me into his arms. I looked over and they were both smiling at me. I shook my head and leaned back against Josh.
There we sat in silence as we drank our beers. Two couples sitting exactly alike in the wet sand. Staring out into the ocean and enjoying being with the man that we each loved. The sound of the waves was hypnotic as we sat there for about a half an hour not saying a word.
"Sooooo." Jay said, breaking the silence. "Are we going to sit out here all night, cause I'm freezing my balls off."
"I swear Jay...that is all you know...how cold your balls are. Ever since we were kids that's all I've heard. Let's get out of the pool, my balls are cold...Let's stop skiing, my balls are freezing...Let's leave the football game, my balls feel like ice cubes."
"Well it's not my fault that you like your balls all cold. I happen to love mine and I take care of them...And I like them all toasty and warm."
"Ok guys, let's head in before Jay starts crying cause his balls aren't feeling loved."
For that I got a glob of wet sand thrown at my head. It exploded getting sand in my hair and hitting Josh in the face.
"Hey....Watch it meat."
"Oh damn, sorry Josh."
"Sure...Sure...you'll get yours buddy." Josh said smiling at him.
"Is that a threat pretty boy."
Josh just smiled back at him.
We all got up and started walking back to the house. I took hold of Josh's hand and he turned to me and smiled. Jay and Lance were walking slightly ahead of us and Josh looked at Jay and then back at me. The moon light caught his eyes and this amazing sparkle shined back at me. He motioned his head towards Jay and I smiled back at him.
I released his hand and we took off running. Josh wrapped his arms around Jay's arms, knocking Lance aside.
"What the fuck...."
As Jay said that, I grabbed hold of his legs and lifted them off the ground.
"Hey..."
"Say another word blonde boy and you're next."
Lance held up his hand with his palms out and shook them while shaking his head.
"That ok..."
Jay was struggling, but I had a good grip on his legs and Josh had his arms wrapped up.
"Oh you fuckin' better not..."
As he said this, we started to carry him to the water's edge. We hit the wave crash line and stopped. Just as the next wave was coming in, we threw him into it and ran.
"You guys are so dead when he get a hold of you." Lance said as we ran passed him.
"Lance, if I were you...I would be running too...Jay lives by the saying misery loves company." I yelled over my shoulder.
I looked back and Lance had gotten up and was running behind us. I could see Jay coming out of the water and starting to run after us. Josh and I hit the deck and ran inside. I waited for Lance to clear the door and shut and locked it. Josh had run to the front door and locked it too. We all jumped onto the couch and turned the TV on. As Jay hit the deck, he tripped over one of the lounge chairs and went flying across the deck.
We all started laughing hard as Jay got up and reached for the door. He tried to open it and then started pounding on the glass.
"You fuck heads better let me in."
"Not until you ass is dry."
"You are such an asshole Kyle."
I smiled at him and got up and ran down the hall to grab a towel. As I entered back into the room, Jay was still standing at the door with his hands on his waist.
"How are the balls doing Jay?"
"Josh, I swear...When I get ahold of you and Kyle...You both are so dead."
I walked over to the door and held the towel out.
"Sorry buddy, you ain't coming into the house with those wet and sandy clothes on."
"Kyle, give me the fuckin' towel. I'm freezing out here."
"Nope...Strip down stud boy."
"Grrr you'll do anything to see me naked won't you."
"Boy, you've been stuttin' that bod infront of me for years. I've probably seen you naked more that your mother. There ain't nothing there that you haven't shown off in front of the world before."
"Lance you better come over here and open the door if you know what's good for you."
"Sorry Jay. I'm not going to open the door and have you come in here and ruin the carpet. It's such a beautiful house and all, I wouldn't want you to mess it up."
"You are so sleeping on the couch tonight."
As he said that, he started taking off his clothes. Josh had run out of the room and returned with a camera. He was standing off to the side so Jay couldn't see him. I looked at him with a questioning look.
"What?...it's for later...blackmail material." He whispered.
"You can't blackmail Jay with a picture...Damn, he'll probably want a few copies so he can hand them out as business cards." I whispered back.
Jay had gotten down to just his boxer when something caught my eyes. Out past the deck, on the beach was a flashlight beam heading towards the house.
"Um Jay?"
"What." He yelled as he pulled down his boxers and kicked them aside. "Now open the door and give me the fuckin' towel Ky."
Josh stepped out and snapped a picture as the word "Shit" left my lips.
"What's going on." Lance said stepping behind us.
At that moment, the person attached to the flashlight stepped up onto the deck.
"Oh shit." Lance said.
I opened the door and threw the towel at Jay.
"It's about fuckin time...What?"
Jay turned around to see what we were staring at. "Shit" he said and he tried to get the towel around his waist, instead the towel hit the deck. Flashes of light were going off every few seconds as Josh snapped picture after picture.
"Oh my." the little old lady said as she hit the top step and stopped to see Jay dropping his towel and then quickly bending down to pick it up to cover himself. As soon as the towel was around his waist, he flew through the door bumping into me first and then into Lance.
We were all laughing as the lady continued here journey onto the deck and up to the door.
"Excuse me, are any of you Jason?" She asked.
I just shook my head, unable to talk.
"If you are looking for Jason, you just saw him...all of him."
As Josh said that, he started laughing again and buried his face in my back. Lance was able to stop laughing and pushed both Josh and I out of the way.
"Hi, my name is Lance. Please...Come in, I'm sure Jason will be out shortly."
She stepped in, passing Josh and I. She was carrying a platter with a cake on it. We were able to calm down and stop laughing as Lance shot us a dirty look.
"Thank you Lance. My name is Sylvia Baker and I live in the next house over. I called Jason last night and he said that he would be down tonight. I just wanted to come over and express my sympathy to him for his mother's passing, plus welcome him."
"That was very nice of you Ms Baker. Like I said, I'm sure he'll be out shortly."
"Please, call me Sylvia."
"Ok, Sylvia. Let me introduce you to the two hyenas over there. The one with the camera is Josh and the other is Kyle."
"Good evening Sylvia, may I take that for you."
"Thank you Kyle."
I took the cake from her and set it down on the table.
"Hi Sylvia, it's very nice to meet you. Sorry you had to see what you saw just now. It's just that Jason kinda...well fell into the water and we didn't want him to get the house all wet and sandy. So he was taking off his clothes before coming in."
"That is quite alright Josh. He don't have nothing I ain't seen before. I have 3 sons myself, plus 4 grandsons that are about your age. Now, you two are the ones that were here last night right?"
"Yes Ma'am. I'm sorry if we did anything that may have disrupt you."
"No..no...it's just that this house has been empty for a while. Every so often, Jane would rent it out, but in the last year there hasn't been anyone here. When I saw you two out on the deck last night, I just wanted to make sure you were suppose to be here. So I call and that is when I talked to Jason and he told me about his mother. I knew Jane since she was a child...so sad."
"I never got to meet her, but I hear she was a great woman...If you'll excuse me I will go check on Jason."
Lance walked out of the room.
"Sylvia, please have a seat." I said motioning to one of the lazyboy chairs.
She nodded and moved over to the chair and sat down. Josh and I sat down on the couch. When I looked up, she was looking at us smiling. I smiled back and then realized that as we had sat down, Josh had taken my pinkie finger in his and they were crossed together in-between us. I released my finger and let my hand drop to my side.
"Can I say that you two make a very hansome couple."
Josh just smiled at her, as I cast my eyes down to my knees.
"There's nothing to be ashamed about. From what I saw through my kitchen window last night and what I just saw, you two are happy and in love. That is all that matters in life. And don't worry about making me feel uncomfortable. I have a gay son and a gay grandson and I love them both dearly."
I looked up and her and she was smiling back at me. Her eyes were glassed over with tears.
"Thank you." Josh said as Lance and Jay walked back into the room.
Sylvia got out of the chair and walked over to Jay.
"So, you must be Jason." As she said this, she pulled him into a hug.
"I'm Syvlia. I live in the next house over." She released him and took her hands up and placed them on his cheeks.
"I've known your mother for a long time now and I can see her in you. I'm so sorry that you had to loose her, she was still such a young lady."
Jay's eyes started to tear up as he nodded his head in her hands.
"Thank you."
"If you ever need anything while you are down here, please just let me know...ok?"
Jay nodded and her hands left his face.
"Now if you will excuse me, I'm expecting a call soon. It was very nice meeting all of you. And I must say you make two of the cutest couples I've ever seen."
She smiled at us and started to walk towards the back door. She stopped at the door with her hand on the handle. She turned around and looked at Jay. There were tears in her eyes as she stood there looking at him.
"I just want to say how happy I am to finally met you. I know you are a very sucessful model and I'm sure you made your mother very happy."
"Thank you Sylvia."
"Would you like his autograph?"
"Lance, I don't think she would want..."
"I would love to have your autograph Jason."
Jay's face turned red and looked down at the floor. Lance went into the desk and got a sheet of paper and a pen for him. Jay signed the paper and handed it to Sylvia.
"Thank you so much, I will treasure this always."
"You're welcome...You know Sylvia, this two hot guy here are superstars too."
"Really, are you models too?"
Josh and Lance shook their heads as I started to laugh again.
"Yeah Sylvia, they're actually celebrities and I'm sure they would be glad to sign an autograph for you too. They're probably worth more than mine."
Jay handed the guys a sheet of paper and a pen and they autographed it for her and then handed it to her.
"Thank you Lance and Josh. I will treasure these as much as Jason's"
"Well Slyvia, if you don't want their autographs, if you know any little girls...I'm sure you could find one that might want them." I started to laugh again as Josh's hand hit the back of my head.
"Well you two are very cute boys and I will keep the autographs for myself."
"Thank you Sylvia." Josh said, glaring at both me and Jay.
She smiled back at Josh and Lance and then turned and opened the door."
"Goodnight." We all said as she turned to shut the door.
She waved and then closed the door and walked across the deck and down to the beach.
"Oh, that was too funny." I said turning to face the guys.
"Score another one for Jason...yes." Jay said raising his hands into the air in triumph.
"Shut up Jay." Lance said pushing Jay towards the couch.
"What, it's happened before."
"Yes, Ky...It happened before and it was with these pretty young ladies. They wanted my autograph and didn't even know who these two clowns were. Man where they jealous."
"Jay, that was not funny. What if she knows who we are, she knows that both Lance and I are gay. She could leak that information out."
"You worry too much Josh. She's a sweet lady and she seems very open minded. I doubt that she will be contacting the Enquirer."
"But we can't take that kind of chance Jay."
"Come on Josh, nothing is going to happen." Lance said as he sat down next to Jay on the couch.
"Josh, she said both her son and grandson are gay. I'm sure..."
"Kyle, that might be, but we can't take a chance like that...Come on Lance, you know damn well we can't this all for granted. We were given this opportunity and I for one will not do anything to jepordize it. We've worked too hard to let it slip away."
As Josh said that, everything that had been going on in my head came rushing back. I got up and walked out the back door, onto the deck. The conversation stopped as I closed the door behind me. I walked over to the railing where I had stood the night before. I heard the door open and then close, followed by footstep stopping right behind me.
"I'm sorry Kyle, I didn't mean it to sound that way."
"No Josh, it's true. I know it and you do too. There is just too many obstacles."
I kept my eyes out to the ocean, knowing that if I looked at him every thing in my head would disappear again. He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Turn around Kyle."
"No Josh, I can't. If I look at you, it will loosen my resolve. I want to get this over with without losing myself in your eyes...in your heart...in your love."
"Don't give up on us Kyle...please.
"Tell me how this can work Josh...tell me. You have a career to think about and I love you too much to let you lose the one thing you've worked so hard to accomplish."
"How do you know that one thing is not us."
"Cause Josh, I've seen you perform. I hear it in your music...in your voice. It would kill you inside not to be able to do the things you love. Music is in your blood Josh and I will never stand in the way of that. Tomorrow you will be in your world and I will be in mine. Let's just move on..."
As I said that I stepped out of his arms and walked off the deck. I had gotten 4 step into the sand when I felt my arm being grabbed. Josh spun me around until my eyes were looking straight into his. They were so intense with emotion and they bore straight into my soul.
"Now you listen to me...and don't say a fuckin word until I am finished. I've worked my whole life to get to where I am now...and I don't regret anything that has happened. But let me tell you this...it has been so fuckin' lonely...I've always told myself that it was the cost of living my life. I don't accept that anymore. I've seen what Jay and Lance have gone through and what they have and I am jealous. I hate that they found each other and are happy."
I stood there frozen looking into his eyes. I couldn't move, my eyes remained open looking into his...never blinking.
"Then, I finally find someone that I know I love. That I might want to spend the rest of my life with but, he isn't willing to try to get past all the barriers thrown infront of him. He isn't willing to trust me enough to believe me when I say that it will all work out. How do you think that makes me feel Kyle....huh...it makes me feel like shit."
His grip on my arm increased and his eyes grew fiery. My resolve was quickly fading. How did I let someone get into the position taking control over my life. My mind was trying hard to grasp all that seemed so right to me. To know that Josh would be better off without me. I was losing all of it. He was breaking down every wall that had taken me years to build. Walls that had protected me throughout my whole life.
"God damn it Kyle...can't you trust anyone...can't you trust me. Let me in Kyle. Let me show you that our love can survive all the bullshit that life throws at us. Give me the chance to show you Kyle...Please... I love you...don't you love me?"
His grip eased and his eyes softened. The moonlight cast down onto his face making him look angelic. I continued to look into his eyes and it felt as if time stopped as we stood there. Everything inside me was laying in a heap of rubble. My mind felt like it had gone through electric shock theraphy. My finger went up to his check and wiped away a tear that was stuck there. My finger caressed his cheek and I finally broke eye contact.
"Yes Josh, I do love you...but...."
"Fuck Kyle." He said pushing my arm down. "Can't you stop thinking for just a second and listen to your heart."
No...I can't. It has gotten me into too much trouble...too much pain."
"So what...fuck Kyle. Everyone's gone through that...it's called growing up. You live, you learn, you love, you get burned. It's up to you to learn from all of it and move on."
"You make is sound so easy Josh...it's not."
"No it's not Kyle. But I'm here to help you through it. Just like I hope you're here to help me. That's what being in a relationship is all about."
My head was starting to spin. The sound of the waves against the shore, so soothing all the other times, was in tune with the pounding that was starting to beat in my head. I cast my eyes down to the ground.
"I need to think..."
As I said this, I turned away from him and started walking down the beach, away from the house...away from Josh...away from everything. As I walked, I heard the door to the house open and then slam shut. I continued to walk...not seeing anything...not thinking of anything, just walk. After a while, I sat down looking out into the ocean. The wind was cold and it cut through my shirt. The sand was cold and the roar of the ocean seemed deafening. I could feel the coldness of the tears as they left my eyes and rolled down my face. I closed my eyes and tried to think. The only thing that kept popping into my mind was the image of Josh's face a few minutes ago. I squeezed my eyes tighter to make the image go away, but it wouldn't.
I felt a warmness surround me and I opened my eyes. Drapped over my shoulders was a blanket. I looked up and through the tears in my eyes was a smiling face.