Not Enough Girls

NOT ENOUGH GIRLS: Part 4

The next afternoon, Mark caught up with me again alone in my room.

"So where's the roomie?"

"Chem Lab. He'll be back in about an hour." I grinned as he closed and locked the door. "Why do you ask?"

"No special reason," He smiled and sat down next to me, wrapping a muscular arm around me. I turned my face up to be kissed, and he kissed me tenderly. I scooted into his lap so he could hold me better, and he did as I wanted, never breaking our lip lock. We cuddled and I sucked his tongue for a while.

"Josh?"

Dreamily, "Yeah?"

"I want you to let me make love to you."

I went cold. "I dunno, Mark."

"Why not?"

"It scares me."

Comfortingly, "I'll be real gentle. I always am, right?" He trailed his fingers through my hair.

"Oh that's not what I'm scared of. I trust you."

"What is it then?"

"It's like, if I do that, it makes me completely queer."

He ignored that, "I do want to take good care of my girl." He kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"I mean, if I let you do that to me, will you be disgusted with me after that?"

"No, honey, no!" He squeezed me real tight. "It'll make us closer than ever, that's all."

Softly, "Maybe I'll be disgusted with myself." He didn't say anything. Almost inaudibly, "I don't want to be a queer."

He sighed. "I know you don't, sugar," and he gave me a gentle squeeze and a soft kiss. He undid my pants, and I didn't stop him. Then he pulled off my shirt and ran his hands over my smooth chest. "You're so beautiful, though." He pulled down on my pants and I lifted up to let him expose my erection. He let his fingers idly fondle my cock and balls, and I sighed. "You do need to face facts, though."

"What?"

"A straight boy doesn't get excited when another guy touches him."

I didn't like the way this was going, "I'm not sure that's true."

He switched to stroking me.

"It's true enough." He stood up, opened his jeans, pulled out his dick, stepped between my legs. I stroked it a bit with my hand, then looked up at him. He nodded, so I put it in my mouth and started sucking him. "They don't suck cock either." I started to pull my head back at this, but he held my head with his hands.

Now up to this point, he'd always been passive when I sucked him off, but now he started to fuck my mouth, flexing his hips and shoving his cock across my lips. I guess I could have tried to bite him or something, but I was so worried I'd accidentally scratch him that that thought was very far from my mind. I felt more used than ever, but when he shot, I swallowed his load as usual. He let me go, and I looked up at him unhappily.

Mark pulled up his pants. "Straight guys don't swallow cum either, Josh." He patted my head. "But I don't want you to be a straight guy. You're my girlfriend, and you should be happy for me to fuck your pussy. It'll be easier than me fucking your mouth, I promise."

"I still don't think it necessarily makes me gay until I let you fuck me."

He sounded exasperated. "Josh, if you're really straight, why do you keep sucking me off?"

I blushed at this for some reason, looked down, and mumbled, "I really like it when you hold me."

In a flash, he sat down beside me and took me in his arms. "I'll hold you any time you need me to." He again started idly playing with my cock. "Any time."

"So Mark?"

"Yes, sugar?"

"Do you think straight guys like to have other guys suck them off?"

"They like having their girlfriends suck them off." He stopped stroking me.

"Do they roughhouse with their girlfriends like we did last night?"

He hesitated a second, "No," he said at last, "probably not."

"You said you liked me as I am. That I don't need to change anything."

He resumed stroking me, and kissed me softly on the head. "That's true, sugar."

"Then doesn't that make you queer too?"

He jerked like I'd given him an electric shock. Then, for a long few seconds, he just sat there. Finally, very deliberately, he pushed me out of his lap, and I fell onto the concrete floor with a yelp. With my pants around my ankles, I couldn't catch myself, and my butt really stung when I hit. He stood up and towered over me. For the first time, he looked really angry, and it scared me into silence, my erection wilting into nothing.

Very coldly, "I think you can finish up by yourself." He strode out the door, leaving me on the floor. I dressed myself, then tried to work on my homework for a while, but I couldn't concentrate. I felt really, really hurt, and really, really sorry for myself. I alternated between wishing I'd never made friends with him to begin with, and wishing I could make it up and just let him hold me. I even found myself thinking that I wouldn't mind him screwing me if he could face me while he did it so I didn't feel used and degraded by it. (Imagining the geometry for this made me hard again.) Then I'd get angry and think I didn't want to see him again. My mind kept replaying the episode and going around, and around, and around.

After a while, I decided to go out for a walk.

"Hey, Bubba, wait up!"

Glumly, "Hi Sis." Normally I'd be real pleased to see her, but I didn't feel like company. She caught up to me just as I reached the outside door.

"What's the matter, you look upset."

"I" and that's all I got out as my eyes filled with tears and my throat got too thick to talk.

"Oh my gosh!" She wrapped her arms around me, and I cried silently on her shoulder, distantly noting the faint hint of perfume she used and thinking how nice she smelled. "Here, let's not stand in public." She led me into the mini kitchen that stood just to the side of the entrance and closed the door. Then she wrapped her arms around me again. I drew a deep, shuddering breath. "Do you want to talk about it, Bubba?" she asked softly.

"I had a fight with Mark."

"Did he HURT you? I can't believe he'd do that."

"Not on the outside."

"That's too bad. I thought you two were becoming such good friends."

I laughed bitterly through my tears, "Yeah, right."

"What was this about?"

"I can't say."

She didn't press me for more than that. I stepped back from her, and she released me reluctantly. "You going to be okay?"

"I just need to go for a walk, clear my head, maybe read a bit."

"Okay. You're not upset enough to do anything stupid are you?" She seemed really concerned.

I stared at her dumbfounded, then I hugged her tight. "Sis, I'd never hurt myself. Believe me. I'm not THAT bad off." Again, she didn't say anything, and I listened to her breathing. "Do you believe me?" I leaned back and looked into her eyes.

She looked back intently, "Okay, I believe you. Will you be back soon?"

"Probably in an hour or so. Before dinner for sure."

So I set out again, leaving a worried Karen behind me, but instead of a walk, I made a beeline for the library, a 9-story structure of steel, glass, and granite. As this was my first time there, I awkwardly asked for help finding books on psychology and learned how to use the card catalog system. Then, once I was alone, I looked for books on "Homosexuality." Up on the fifth floor, essentially alone, I found a carrel and started reading.

Lucky for me, the first book I selected, "Society and the Healthy Homosexual," made for comforting reading. I'd selected it for its upbeat title. I say lucky, because as I later learned (for I eventually read everything I could find on the topic), there were some pretty depressing books on that shelf too. I became really engrossed in the book, though, and although it confirmed my fears that I was gay, it helped me feel a lot better about it than I might have otherwise. What I couldn't decide from it, though, was whether Mark was gay just like me, or if he was just "situationally homosexual" because there weren't enough girls at the Institute.

Unfortunately, when I get into my reading, I forget all about things like, what's around me, or what time it is. I sat there completely immersed for much longer than the hour I'd promised.

"Do you think you're gay, Bubba?"

I looked up with a start, then tried to hide the book. "What are you doing here?"

She looked on the verge of tears, "when you missed dinner, I was afraid you weren't coming back."

I looked at my watch: it had been almost three hours. I was suddenly acutely conscious of being very hungry.

"Gee Sis, I'm so sorry." This time I took her in my arms, and she held me tight. "So how'd you find me?"

"Well, you said you wanted something to READ, and since you didn't bring a book, I thought I'd look here."

The emphasis on "I'd" caught my attention. "Um, so who else is looking for me?"

"Mark and Jack."

I got an uneasy feeling. "What did you tell them?"

"I just said I'd seen you going out and you'd looked upset and I was worried about you. Mitch laughed at me, but Mark looked real worried too, and so after dinner we went to look."

"Now I'm REALLY sorry." I put my book back on the shelf. "I don't suppose I can tell you it's just academic curiosity."

"Is Mark gay too?"

Wow, she was fast! "What makes you think that?"

"Well, you said you two had a fight."

Suddenly, I decided to level with her, "I think we're both gay, but he thinks it's just me."

"Well, if he just wants to be your friend, you really shouldn't push him."

"Oh he wants to be friends all right. He wants me to be his GIRLfriend. But he doesn't want to admit that makes HIM gay too."

"Well, you ARE a sissy, Bubba."

"What!" Stung, I pulled away.

"It's okay." She took my hand. "You're sweet and gentle and we laugh at the same things. I like you better than any of the boys OR any of the girls. I can relax with you and just be friends. I guess I kinda thought you were gay from the start. But I can understand Mark wanting to treat you more like a girl. Had he had real girlfriends?"

"No, he said it was too late and all the girls were taken."

"Not for a guy like Mark! Several girls had an eye on him, but he never showed any of us any interest."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. But I meant has he had girlfriends before?"

"I don't know." I suddenly realized I'd never asked. I smiled as I realized it had always been something I really hadn't wanted to hear about.

"Well, I never heard him talk about one. I think it's just something he feels he needs to do. So how long have you known you were gay?"

"About three hours."

"Bubba, I think I'VE known you were gay longer than that."

"Yeah, Mark said he spotted me on the first day. But I didn't believe it until today."

"Did, uh, did you and Mark do something today that made you think that?" I hesitated and she hurriedly said, "you don't need to tell me details."

I grinned real big at that. "Mark and me? No, we didn't do anything we haven't been doing for the past several days. It was what you and I did."

"You and me? What did WE do?" She looked genuinely puzzled now.

"When you comforted me, let me cry on your shoulder, you know?" She nodded. "Well, I didn't feel any sexual response at all."

"So?"

"Well, when I do the same thing with Mark, I'm instantly aroused. Heck, all he has to do is touch me." Then I thought of something. "Does Jack react that way to you?"

She blushed bright red, "That's kind of personal, Bubba, but since you're family, yes, if I let Jack hug on me, I can always feel how interested he is."

I kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Sis."

"So do you love Mark?"

"I'm not even sure I know what that means, but I know I want to make up to him, and I know I want to make him happy."

"So what was the fight about anyway?"

"I tried to push him into admitting he was gay if I was gay."

She thought about that for a minute. "Are you surprised a big, tough guy like Mark doesn't want anyone thinking of him that way?"

"No, I guess not, now that I think about it."

"I think it's a lot easier if you're a sissy," she saw me cringe, "Sorry, Bubba, but it's true. No one will be too surprised to hear you're gay, but everyone will be shocked about Mark."

Now she'd worried me. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

"No, not if you don't want me to."

"Not even Jack?"

"Especially not Jack. I'll bet Mark cares what Jack thinks more than anything."

"So what DOES Jack think?"

"Well, he's pretty comfortable with you."

"WHAT?"

"He told me he was sure you were gay the first time we met."

I felt kind of sick. "Oh."

"He likes you, Bubba. You're not a threat to him. He thinks it's cute the way we talk together." I smiled weakly. "Also, I think he had a gay teacher or something in high school, so he's okay with it."

"I think Mitch has a problem with me though."

"Yes, but Mark and Jack have both convinced him you're not really gay."

"How'd they do that?"

"They told him you hit on me but I turned you down and we agreed to just be friends."

"WHAT?"

"He bought it. I think he's still very infatuated with me, so he thinks all guys are. He creeps me out though. If he weren't Mark's roommate, I'd try hard to keep him from hanging out with us."

"Okay, my head is spinning now. Let's head back before someone calls 911, okay?"

"Oops!" she looked alarmed, "Mark and Jack must still be looking."

We hurried back, and found them in the common room near the big gas fireplace. Obviously they weren't looking TOO hard.

"I found him!" Karen lifted my hand triumphantly. I blushed.

"Where was he?" Mark tried unsuccessfully to disguise his concern.

"Gee guys, I was just up in the library reading."

"Must have been a good book to miss dinner over," Mitch eyed me suspiciously.

I thought for a split second, "Yeah, it was 'Tropic of Calculus.'"

"What the heck is that?"

"It's a math book you read with one hand." Everyone else moaned at this and Karen protested it was "gross." Mitch looked confused until Jack explained it to him.

"So what was the problem?" Jack seemed genuinely concerned.

"I just got stressed out, and walking and reading help me deal with it. So I walked to the library - sort of combining both activities. Then I must have lost track of time."

"I go lift weights when I get that way." Mark flexed an arm.

"You must be stressed all the time!" I grinned at him.

He grinned back, and looked relieved, "In this place, who isn't?"

--To Be Continued