Not a Trip at All

Not a trip at all

Disclaimers (a series of ifs) ----------- This story describes contacts of both emotional and sexual nature between minor representants of the same sex. If you are under 18 - choose something else that makes less harm. If you expect hard sex harvest of any kind and the walls covered with semen replacing the old wallpaper, try downloading any other text. If you do not approve such a kind of contacts, I wonder how you found this story. If your country law regulations forbid contacts with that kind of stuff, try not to break the law and start to think, especially before elections. If you are by accident both a Pole and a RM FM fan (I do not mean RMF FM actually :) - I regret you. Any similarity to the real people and situations is accidental, however the author would not object if the story described happened. Here comes the series of the mysterious letters: BBC/CIA/EU/KGB/... no, not that. b/b/m/bear-chaser/celebrity

Chapter 1. Breaking the wall

(A hint: Pink Floyd, Echoes /CD Meddle/)

• You're kidding or what? - Martin looked rather upset than astonished at his classmates.

• Do not be so modest, you know exactly, that you're probably the one who can do it. - said the Class Captain. You're the only, that can say in German a bit more than "Guten Tag" or "Verpiss dich".

• That's right, but you all exactly know that's not the point. How long shall we pretend, lie and cheat each other, damned hypocrytes?

He soon regretted this sudden outburst, nevertheless that was the easiest and the most certain method to make this stupid argument fade. It did really fade, no-one dared to bring any comments or remarks.

To make a long story short, he should visit their classmate, who suffered the leukaemia in one of the hospital in Berlin. After numerous operations Stan - that was the boy's name - felt better, but he should spend some more months in the hospital. Stan's father was a vice-president of the biggest holding in the north of Wielkopolska, a wealthy province in Poland, no wonder he had found a German hospital for his son with the treatment that no hospital in Poland could afford.

The problem was that Stan was one of the most disliked person in the school. He acted and behaved like his father, probably the most hated person in the whole province. The holding suffered a row of severe crises, Stan's father was responsible for the growth of unemployment rate. Even Martin's father lost the job, and the way he did it was far different from normal. Ted not only knew, who did it, he was also forced to hear a bunch of insults from Stan, who naturally knew all about it from his father. Since he was not the only in the class to be treated in such a way, he found useless to look for any kind of excuse to avoid that trip.

The trip itself should take five days and paid by the whole class, the amount of money they gathered was equal to 1000 DM. Just for the very reason the class council decided to send only one person, the one with the best German knowledge. Martin was just mad about German. He loved the language, watched with the wildest pleasure ARD, ZDF or SAT1 each day and was far forward compared to the level, his classmates had achieved during the two year course. Martin helped his classmates mainly to avoid too difficult tests, and, when necessary, explained the grammar twisters in a clearer way than the teacher did. The only paradox was, he had never visited Germany or any foreign country at all before.

The train slowly moved and in less than five minutes disappeared, passing the last buildings of Pila. "A feeling of a very strange kind" - thought Martin as the train merged into a dark forest. Martin made use of his walkman device, hearing carefully "The Highway Star" and trying to compare it to his own situation. The splendid emptiness. Richie Blackmoore's solo gave him the immediate impact of an extraterrestrial nature That pushed Martin into the feeling of freedom, something of the strangest kind. He entered the corridor, and having read the multilingual inscription "Do not lean out. Nie wychylac sie. Nje vysovyvatsja. Ne pas se pencher. Nicht hinauslehnen.", opened the window and leant out with a gasp of freedom. The immediate cold wall of wind hit him against his face.

Martin unwillingly closed the window, forced by a strong remark of a train service. He hid in the compartment and tried to fall asleep, since it was four in the morning and he had had no sleep up to that time. He closed the eyes, trying thinking of something that could help him relax. The moving pictures came from the last seen series "Der Bulle von Toelz". The person of special interest was Ottfried Fischer, the popular Bavarian comedy actor. Martin had seen even fatter persons, but no-one being such a celebrity. Being fast on the other side of consciousness he realised he liked him and even more - he wanted to be hugged by him. He felt nothing bad about it, that mountain of fat and meat, speaking the language that only using the imagination can be called German, just made him calm and relaxed. Fischer dominated his thoughts, bringing him in very high spirits. Just before the very moment Martin was to see that Bavarian beauty in the state as God had created him, he felt a hand on his arm.

• Guten Tag, Grenzkontroll. Bereite deinen Reisepass und Koffer vor. Martin opened the eyes and saw a German officer. Even imagining God-knows-what he was of no resemblance to Fischer.

Being gradually more and more awaken, he felt the mild thrill wondering down his body, as the German Greznschutztruppen entered his compartment in Kostrzyn.

• Nein, ich habe nichts zu verzollen, der Zweck der Reise ist meinen Freund im Krankenhaus zu besuchen - explained Martin to the officer, dressed in a green uniform. He shivered, and there were two reasons: he spoke for the first time German to any German, he hesitated when he was to utter the word "Freund". Martin could not say, that he was going to visit the biggest arsehole and a scoundrel he had ever known. This moment of hesitation was nevertheless enough for the officer to examine the boy more exactly. The deciding argument was the letter from the schoolmaster, translated into German and English and supplied with such a huge amount of marks and stamps that it made quite the ultimate impression.

• The point is, that many boys of your age steal their passports and go to Berlin to earn the money - said the officer to Martin. He could afford a talk, the train was to depart in a hour.

• Earn? How do they do it?

• They sell their bodies to the Berlin gays, deal with drugs or steal things in big supermarkets.

Martin was shocked at the very thought of being suspected of anything of that kind.

• You'd better look after yourself in Berlin - continued the officer. - Try not to walk alone in the evening, especially in the neighbourhood of the Zoo railway station or Nollendorfplatz at Kreuzberg. The police finds sometimes the victims of cruelty, some of them live, some of them not. Recently there's probably a gang making SNAF movies for perverts.

The lecture Martin was given could make the hair stand on the ends. The "Gute Reise" wishes, which he heard as the officers were leaving the compartment, sounded like a good joke.

The train slowly passed the Odra river and entered the territory of Germany. Nothing could force Martin to sleep, although his digital clock showed 5 a.m. and the late November summer took its time, planning to appear not earlier than at 7.30.

"Quite strange" - thought Martin, hit by numerous waves of his Ottfried Fisher nightmares. He'd never felt like that. Being fast 15, he entered the age of short and not regretful goodbyes with his childhood, although the fantasies of the sexual kind seemed brand new to him to that extend, that he did not know what to think about it. He realised, that seeing the naked Ottfried would be nothing as the pure joy. He tried to call again the desired picture and those thoughts were broken by the demand of the (conductor) to buy a ticket. More than the male object himself, that was anything else, that disturbed Martin. "Why do I like something that people regard as repulsive? That man weights nearly 150 kg!" "He might weight even twice as much"- replied immediately the second part of Martins mind. He took out a hundred times seen, scanned photo of Fischer making a gym, downloaded from somewhere off the net. What astonished him the most, he looked exactly in the regions, that showed with no doubt that Fisher was a male and rather of the quite developed sort. "I wonder how he would feel if I slept with him treating his fat, lovely lap and all below as a soft, warm cushion?" - thought Martin. - Naturally, not in these trousers, despite they look rather sexy. The withe boxers would certainly do.

The unconcerned thoughts were subsequently broken by the following stations and a kind of fear coming from upper part. The lower was responsible for the fantasies. What an academic example of duality. The sun was successfully fighting against the forces of dark nature, when the train achieved the station Lichtenberg. All what happened since then till the moment he reached the hospital at Wedding was a kind of film, being devoured by the boy like the meal after two weeks of starving.

Having been instructed by the nurse, he entered the hospital room. There were two beds standing on the right side, the left one was almost empty, with the TV as the only decorating element. The bed close to the door turned out to be empty. In the latter, situated against the window, was a boy, pale and apparently suffering. His eyes showed a little interest evoked by entering of a stranger. "Stan should be lying in this fist one" - thought Martin.

• Tschuess. Weisst du vielleicht, was ist mit dem Buben passiert, der in dem leeren Bett liegen soll? - asked Martin.

• Being operated on - murmured the boy. - I bet he won't return before 5 p.m. if even today. He should be placed on the post-operation block.

Martin looked at the boy and noticed something he had not seen before. If not completely ruined by the serious illness, he would be just a time copy of Ottfried somewhere near his confirmation time...

Martin introduced himself, gave the reason for the visit and asked the boy to let him sit for a moment to take a rest. The fat boy's name was Kai. Martin had no practice with any sort of ill people before. As he only could remember, he had been surrounded by the healthy types. Even the visit in the hospital was his first one. He sat on the chair, saying nothing.

• Be so good and do something for me - asked Kai. He meant Martin should him help with the cushions falling down. As Martin helped the boy, he did not notice the Fisher's photo falling down from his pocket. As he finally saw it, it was too late, he could only pray that God caused Kai not to see one peculiar thing. Did he really see that?

• Do you like Ottfried Fisher? - asked Kai.

• Well... uhmmm... I do not know...

• If not, you would have not drawn that thing - Kai pointed at the heart, drawn with a red pencil in a bottom left corner.

Martin turned red. What a humiliation it was! He wished he'd burned on the spot.

• You like fat men - said Kai - so you must be a good man. I bet you will not laugh at me, call me "Fettwanz" or things like that. You are not like the boy I am forced to share a room with. The fat ones die, the slim ones do not.

In less than a second Martin went totally speechless. The most powerful Russian atomic icebreaker could not do more mess in any gulf than Kai made with this apparently innocent remark.

• Well... I... you know... - mumbled Martin with no idea what he should actually say.

• You needn't say anything. I like you.

Martin's ears got red. Well, the almost enormous ear size with combination with their outstacking position was something he was even more famous for at school than his language abilities. His nickname could be the only one "Uszatek" - a nick for a teddy bear with big ears from the popular Polish kid cartoon. Martin suspected that Kai was looking at his ears all the time. The boy was the object of the jokes and nicks like "the flying elephant" which drove him almost mad.

• I like your ears - said Kai making effort each word sounded distinctly.

Martin was never regarded as the weak kid, on the contrary, he was courageous, risky and almost cheeky. But these particular five minutes make him as soft as sponge and as vulnerable as sieve. He became to cry, first quite silently, only with the tears falling down the cheek, than quite officially with nervous gasps and irregular, nervous breaths.

He left the minimal safe sense of time and place. Like a kid moving in a pool filled with colourful balls, he could not distinguish any kind of sense outside him. So he could not even feel the cold, wax hand, stroking his ears, he could not hear the door open and close, see the oldish man observing the scene and closing the door in the most silent way he could.

The ice had finally broken. Martin and Kai began to talk with each other. Martin learnt about details of Kai's illness, and started to feel even more depressed. Two hours had changed him rapidly to such degree he forgot whom he was actually to visit. He felt however obstacles that would make his own confession impossible. Even though... As a remote echo he reminded himself a quotation that was written by a graffiti fan on the wall: "Thevwonders have one peculiar feature. They happen."

As the nurse served the dinner, Martin was demanded to go to the doctor's study. The man looked about 60 and looked very friendly at Martin. Of course he wanted to know everything about the boy first. Then he said slowly:

• You do not imagine what you've done. That was a great job.

• How should I understand that?

• You are the first person since Kai had arrived here, with whom he wants to talk. Something more than "Ja", "Nein", "Ich weiss nicht". or "lass mich in Ruhe". Moreover, you've evoked feelings in him...

• He told me he wants to die...

• Do not believe that, my lad. He wants to live and he will live.

He wants it since today. Perhaps your contact is of the homosexual nature, and I hate queers, but in this only case, first in my life, I not only allow that, but strongly recommend.

• Homosexual? - echoed Martin, feeling that that was the only word that precisely described his state of mind, that had begun with the attempts to see the naked Ottfried Fisher.

• Well, I seem to have forgotten your age and the lack of experience, but it really looks like that. Perhaps I should have said homoerotic... Kai is the case that has puzzled the whole ward. He has enough forces, which allow to fight against this type of cancer. At this stage and in this age it is quite easy to get rid out of it, but on the one condition: you must want to. He, for some awkward reason, does not.

• I know the reason - answered Martin.

• You've won the second time then - answered the doctor. You've broken him and you can do anything to force him to recover. I don't beg you to say it, it's even better you will not.

• Well - said Martin. - The problem is, I am obliged to get back to Poland in five days. I do not believe it is any good for Kai.

• I promise you, I'll do my best to keep you in Berlin. I am able even to go to Poland and convince both your parents and the schoolmaster. And I know Polish too... The last sentence was said in the perfect Polish, with no shade of a foreign accent. For someone that lives in a rather monocultural country it is obvious, that nothing could be proved more distinctly.

Martin remembered the name at the doctor - Peter Jezierski. The Polish names in Germany are frequent, even more than German names in Poland, which are not rare either. He could not draw any sort of conclusions then.

• Well, my name is Semmler and in spite of it I have nothing to do with Germans...

• You certainly have. I was ten, when I was brought to Germany for a compulsory work. As you should have known, that was nothing special at that times. I could even speak about the luck, if I had not had a stepfather, who treated me also as a sexual object. He used to bathe with me almost every day and play with my you-know-what. However knowing what happened with other Polish children - a lager full of them worked in the factory nearby - I agreed reluctantly for all that, besides, both my parents loved me really much, were very nice, - you must know that they could have no children for some reason - paid my school, did not beat me, the only thing they did not want to, was to look for my real family after the war. I obeyed them and did not do that. Ehrlich gesagt - the doctor changed language to German for a moment - that's why I am so unwilling about homosexuals. Those incidents caused that I was unable to create a normal family, to be honest, I loved that man all the time and my attempts with women failed...

• Well, I did not think about my sexual life, I have to think it over and let me do it. I want to help Kai no matter what the price'll be - he suddenly changed the topic - but I have the more up-to-date problem I want you to help me with. Could you find me a good and cheap hotel?

• You will not live in any hotel - said the doctor - I'll speak with Mrs Schneider, you should live in Kai's flat. If not - I'll look after you, but the problem is I am a guest at my own home, I could not even make a breakfast for you.

• I would like to talk to you - said Martin.

• Sure but not now, the diner's over and I must return to my job, I'm beginning a difficult operation in an hour. You can go back to Kai.

The only word sounded in Martins ears as he was leaving Mr Jezierski's study. "All I should do is to get back to Poland. Nonsense. Kai is the last to be charged. So WHO is? The girls comparing me continuously to a mutant butterfly? The father, who drank too much, loved physical and mental terror and was for me not more than a degenerated half-human? Or me myself, because I was not able to love the world as it is, sat closed among four walls and felt like a refugee in the world of science, computer and television?"

He needed a time for himself. "I feel a strong urge to fly" - the situation reminded him Roger Waters' lyric to "The Wall". And another, even more suitable in this situation : "So ye thought ye might like to go to the show? To feel the warm thrill of confusion...?" The words, which had only pass him by, now hit with the double impact. "The Wall, Berlin, hardly any more suitable place for it..." he thought as he was pushed by a nurse.

• Kai has just his plasters changed and you are invited to the doctors' canteen for a dinner.

As he entered the room, Kai waved Martin with his hand. Perhaps it was only the impression, but Kai did not look so pale as in the moment Martin saw him for the first time. And he smiled.

• OK, I've told you all about me, you must now pay it back - said Kai.

• Well, I am afraid there are words which come not through throat too easy - Martin felt so confused about the thing doctor Jezierski had invented about him, that he was almost close to give up.

Kai touched Martin's ear once again, but this time kept it on the boy's neck. That gesture was nothing but a pleasant effort to calm his friend. Suddenly he touched a piece of skin that had another consistence in some places.

• Was soll das?

• It's... my father... I knew you would not understand...

For the first time anybody found on his body the effects of father's declimbing, wild drunken nights and the temptation to find the easy victim. No wonder he felt completely lost, there were some taboos he would never break.

Kai seemed shocked.

• Well, I am not untouched, you know about those fights, but I could never think these things can be caused by anybody who is supposed to love and protect you.

• You must understand his situation...

• Never! By no means! Ende, schluss, vorbei, aus, Basta! I shan't ever start thinking about changing my attitude towards cruelty!

His shout was so loud, that the nurse looked up.

• Hush, boys, I understand that you regained your voice, Kai, but I guess the whole ward got informed about it still before the dinner. Spare your effort, you need it for something else, you know - she said that with a big smile.

Even the long lecture about the situation of Martin's father had no chance to convince Kai.

• I know how to defend...

• Bullshit, you only vaguely know how to escape and you are a real lucky Luck. Five out of six would fall into drugs, alcohol or even worse. Maybe in Berlin things look slightly different, but the nature of male is equal everywhere. If you do not open yourself to any other man, you soon replace your passion with something with the bigger kick...

• Well, so explain me, what had happened to you. We both drove the same way.

Kai stopped his speech and the tears began to fill his eyes - for which time today?

• You boys are both right - they heard the voice from behind. That was Mr Jezierski, who listened almost the whole argument without being even noticed. - And you both have problems which need the urgent solution. But end for today. I think you should spend the rest of the day in more pleasant way.

Martin caught Kai's hand and moved it to his ears. - God! What I am doing! The day before I would even cut them off! The silk touch of Kai's hand was something strongest he had felt before. As a revenge he put his own hand on Kai's chest, his finger slipped through a slit between two buttons. In this moment a red light appeared in front of him and he heard the part of his talk with Herr Jezierski. And again that crazy mental tennis, where two parts cannot break the opponent's ball. "People often cross the street when red is on and however 99 percent remains not hit" - he found the conciliation.

As Martin's finger touched the nipple, Kai gave the deep breath. Martin too. What the hell that all means? What are we actually doing???

Shortly afterwards Herr Jezierski entered the room.

• Kai, I spoke with your mother. She cannot come today.

• Does she know about Martin?

• She does and Martin will live in your room. Sorry sirs, but I must take Martin now and bring him home.

• I'll find the way myself, really.

• No, we must go shopping, besides you know, Kai, that your treatment is beginning in 5 minutes. I guess now there's no use to miss it, isn't it?

• Yes, Onkel Doc.

• You'll meet each other tomorrow, besides Martin is tired like hell, can't you see?

"He would have been right two hours ago, but not NOW!" - thought Martin, but would like to behave in an obedient way.

• Now boys hug each other and...

They hugged a little longer than necessary. At the door Martin felt a cold breeze on his ear. It was wet. His heart pumped like crazy when he was putting the moist finger to the mouth. He looked at Kai, praying that he wouldn't have seen that. Kai saw it however and sent his new friend a happy smile. Perhaps first in this year...

The city tour with Onkel Doc - he was often called that by all kids on the ward - was mesmerising. Of course Martin wanted to see the Gate of Brandenburg, Reichstag and all these things he had known from the TV. And of course the Berlin Wall, or rather the remainings of it.

• That's between Friedrichstrasse and Potsdamer Platz, rather not our way - persuaded Herr Jezierski. - I promise I'll take you there before you leave Berlin.

Martin felt a bit disappointed; for the first time today. After the shopping in Kudamm they drove into Mehringdamm, the street with its spirit - as Martin described it.

On that day he did not meet Mrs Schneider; she was a translator and was expected not sooner than after midnight. Onkel Doc knew how to obtain the keys, which had been left by Mrs Schneider at the neighbours. They entered the flat and their first steps led into the kitchen. Now Martin felt how tired he was. He fell asleep on the chair as Onkel Doc was preparing him fast meal. But soon he was woken up very gently by the doctor.

• I remember you wanted to talk with me, but we must postpone that chat, don't you think?

• Uhhmmm - said Martin, eating quickly his eggs. - I only know that happened something, that I cannot stop thinking about.

• Do you feel guilty about it, no matter what it is?

• Guilty? Rather helpless, that word would sound better. I feel that was inevitable. Something has broken. And you know how much effort it requites, to repair it, if even possible. That's like it had happened with The Berlin Wall. Since the first person went outside, there was no way to keep it as it had been before. And you know, Onkel Doc, probably the first person standing on my inner wall is about to put his feet THERE.

Herr Jezierski heard all that shocked. That boy was fifteen!

The Kai's bed was a temple just for the reason it was Kai's. Filled up with his touch and even smell, for Mrs Schneider had not changed the sheets like the superstitious people always do, hoping to have the person in this bed again, was the nicest place to sleep in the whole world. He also decided to wear Kai's pyjamas, although trousers were so wide that Martin knew he would wake up with nothing on. He noticed only the silhouette of Herr Jezierski, standing in the door and saying "good night" to Martin.

The night dream came very quickly. Martin was walking across the big green meadow with a bucket, supposed to milk the cow. The object he was closing to was not a cow, it was a huge male, Ottfried, tied down to the ground with the silver chain with the bell hanging down, kneeling in the high grass, dressed in Martin's favourite cyan overalls. Martin knelt down and pulled the trousers down and whereas the one hand stroke the huge, warm and delicate buttocks, trying to calm down the "animal" to be milked soon, in the way farmers in the southern Poland do, the other Martin's hand went down the belly looking slowly and with growing delight for the part it should milk. In the moment he had just caught it, felt its warmth and was about to make his first move, the animal suddenly looked firmly at Martin and it was... Kai.

• I'll try to do anything not to leave you, I promise - said he as Martin squeezed the part expecting the first drops of a male milk to splash against the bottom of the bucket. As they endly came, Martin felt them on the hand and immediately woke up. The hand was wet.

To be continued Fortsetzung kommt Ciag dalszy nastapi

--------------------- I shall be grateful for any remarks sent to the following e-mail address: pilanin@poczta.onet.pl Spams will be ignored, the flames mostly :) too. I thank Minik (Poland, Highlands, heavy weight) and Tobias (Germany, The Isle of Ruegen, open category :) for a long, honest and sometimes dramatic talk, which allowed me to understand some problems of young bears, not necessarily homosexual. Herr Fischer, take it easy, that belongs to the fate of celebrities too :) {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}