Not a Perfect Love

Pooh! Pooh! The copyright holder is me! Pooh! Pooh! Yaddi yaddi yadda, fictional, not true, dead or alive, capture Al Capone, collect the money, paysites keep out! Pooh! Pooh!

Here are the few simple rules that Not A Perfect ******** lives by:

• NO GRAPHIC SEX! * Boy-boy love * Ass/arse-kicking of whoever has a problem with that (the boy-boy love thingee) * All readers should email the author or he'll go into another neurotic fit and never write again. * Each episode/chapter will have two titles and contain a part of the onslaughting poem "Not A Perfect Love" + a quote from a famous TV-series/ movie.

Anyone seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer lately? You have? Go find a good doctor! She's not real! Also, sometimes, when UNDER PHILIP'S SKIN, I might describe my thoughts as somewhat messy, neurotic and weird and, well, what can I say? That's me!

THAT'S ALL FAGS! Or should I say Homosexual-earthlings? And, oh, I'd like to apologize to the really dire mistake I did in chapter 7. It appears that I let Philip say "I can sleep in Robin's door" instead of "in Robin's room". Sorry. :^P

This episode's quote is:

Taken from: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Xander: What is it? Giles: It's the end of the world... Buffy: I told you that it was the end of the world! But you were all, pooh, pooh, Southern California, pooh, pooh!

NOT A PERFECT LOVE

And hurt strikes again, A stab in my heart, Lovers breaking up, Lovers breaking apart, P.W.

Voiceover: Previously on Not A Perfect Summer

• Philip...! Brian murmurs. - I love you.

• So, what do you say? We go out in public today at lunch. - No!!!!! Brian exclaims loudly. - I'm not ready to come out yet.

• You don't like him, do you? Philip asks Julia. - No, I don't. She replies. - I'll never forgive him for what he's done to you.

• That fag keeps hanging around me. Brian says. - He thinks that we're friends, just because we share a dorm room. - I'm glad that you feel that way. Neo chuckles. - So, want to go out with us and drink some beers tonight? - Sure. Comes the reply.

• Brian, are you drunk? Philip asks Brian. - Yeah, so what? He slurs back. - Get away from me, you fag!

Brian punches Philip, who flies backwards into a wall and falls unconcious. When he wakes up, he jumps to his feet and packs a duffel bag and leaves the room.

• Hey, we're planning on going backpacking next week. Robin tells Philip. - Y'know, camping outside, singing, grilling fish over an open fire and all. Wanna come with us? - Sure. Philip says and smile widely.

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 08 - A Perfect Summer

THROUGH PHILIP'S EYES

• "El septere septiembre...!" The female chorus sings. Ah. My trusty tape recorder/tape player. What would I do without it? Probably have a good hearing. - Why do you keep listening to these foreign songs that you don't understand a word of? Robin chuckles as the train rocked back and forth. - For your information, I do understand them too. I protest. - I happen to understand four of the words in that song. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Robin chuckles. - You and your quirks. - Why didn't you tell me that in order to get to the camping sight, we'd have to travel by train for over 7 hours? I whine. - What, did you think that we could camp out in Maple Park, or what? He chuckles back. - It's just that I'm sick and tired of trains. I groan. - When I was in nineth grade, we made a trip to Polen for a project about Auschwitz-Birkenau. It took us thirty-two hours by train down and there and thirty-two back. Since then, I've had a resentment against trains. We had to squeeze six people in these little cubicles of maybe two times three metres, that's six times nine feet. - What an unpleasant image. Robin said and shrugs his shoulders. - By the way, how do you sleep? I ask him. - I sleep in the nude. He says and I almost faint. - I'm just kidding, you pervo. He chuckles. - I sleep in boxers. - Oh... too bad. I say. - There went my vacation plans. - Oh, so you're scamming on me, aren't you? He leered at me. - Yes. I say and nod thrice. - I was plotting to peep on you undressing while changing into swimming trunks. And then, I'd sneak up on you and rub my cool, juicy...! - Philip!! He cries and blushes. - Suntan lotion all over your body. I finish and the blush goes away. - What did you think that I was talking about, you pervert? - That's my line. He chuckles. - Hey, any chance of us fooling around? I leer at him. - You never know. He says and winks at me and I feel my bad boy stir in my jeans. Oh, I'm so bad. Or may I'm just bad. Oh, whatever. Why am I talking to myself again? I look out through the door that connects our coupe with the neighbour coupe. Ooh! Robin changing into swimming trunks!! Must-see-TV, only live!!!! Wait... it's only Angel. Ooh! Angel changing into swimming trunks! Wait... Anastasia changing into swimming trunks! Eeeewwwww!!!! I've got to get myself some new contact lenses stack! - Hi, ya, handsome. Derek greets me as he enters the room, awakening me from my reviere. - Oh, crap. I curse. - Well, you mean a lot to me too. Derek said and faked a hurt look. Or at least it looked faked. Maybe it wasn't. Oh my God! I just hurt Derek! - I didn't mean you. I chuckle. - I meant the train. I'm still here. I just wished that they'd invent some faster way of travel, like teleportation or something. - Well, that'd be pretty impossible since we'd have to create a device to break down our bodies, atom per atom, and then rebuild it atom per atom and that...! Derek starts saying when Angel throws a pillow right into his face. - Hey, stop that! Derek cried and threw the pillow back, knocking Angel off of his bed. - Hey! Angel exclaimed. - What I wouldn't give to be immature again. I chuckle and receive a pillow each from the both of them. - Hey! I exclaim and then we all burst up laughing. - Well, I've gotta run. Robin announces and leaves, leaving me alone with blue-haired Derek and redhead Angel. - Now, let's play truth or dare. Angel suddenly proclaims. - Err... sure. I say, thinking that they'll probably ask a lot of silly stuff, knowing that I'm gay, like "Have you ever slept with a girl" or something. - Alright, you go first, Phil. Derek said. He called me Phil. Tingles went up my spine as I reminisce Brian calling me that. - Cool. I say, something that I don't usually say. - I'll take truth, then. - Alright, how far have you gone with a guy? Angel asks me bluntly, with a smirk on his face and I freeze on the spot, stunned. - All the way. I say triumphantly and Angel just smirks even wider. - Now, it's your turn, then, Derek. I say and Derek nods. - Truth for me too. He says. - I noticed that you and Robin sleep in the same bed. I say and I see the nervousness beginning to wash over him. - So, have you two ever done anything? - No. He says with a sad look on his face. - I mean, I really want to, but he's totally straight. - Aha! Angel cries. - I mean aha. I knew you were gay! I've caught you catching glances of me in the locker room. - Oh, p-lease. Derek groans. - Don't flatter yourself. - Aw, c'mon, where's your gaydar? I ask. - He's totally into you! Any idiot can see that. A glare. - Uh, sorry. I quickly apologize. - Now, you do sleep in the same bed, right? - Yeah, but it's just because my bed broke down and I haven't been able to afford a new one yet. He explains. - But anyone can see the way that he looks at you. I say bluntly. - Besides, as long as you're sleeping in the same bed, you can at least cop a feel, pretending to be a sleep and see how he reacts. If he doesn't move or anything and you know that he's awake and enjoying it, cry "Aha!!!" and kiss him! - He's right, y'know. Angel says. - Now, don't take me wrong. I'm totally into girls, but I've noticed a certain amount of sparkage when you two are around. - Aw, and here I was, hoping that you'd play on our team. I say and mock a pout. - Yeah. Derek says and nods twice. It's incredible how noticeable his sarcasm is. - That smart ass of yours is quite cute when you really look at it. - Oh my God! He exclaims. - I guess I'll have to keep my ass turned to the wall from now on, every time you two are around. Angel chuckles and we all start laughing again Well, I giggle, Derek cackles and Angel laughes, but, oh well. - Now, back to me. Derek then says and we all pipe down. - Me! Me! Me! And Robin! So, you noticed sparkage? - Yeah, like, totally! Angel says and grins slyly. - I also caught him checking out your ass once. - No! Derek exclaims. - Yes. I say and cross my legs and start wagging the one on top and then, on top of everything, strike a "girlish" pose and start talking girlishly too. - And that boy has a ass of his own that I wouldn't mind feeling up. Um-um! Yummy! - Well, guess what I heard! Angel says in a voice as equally feminine as mine is right now. - I heard that he's never had a girlfriend and I also noticed a picture of him and Derek in his wallet once when he left it open. - Get out! Derek exclaimed. - I'm out. I say. And then a silent moment and then we all start giggling, laughing and cackling again. - Wait...! Angel suddenly says and turns to Derek. - Aha! Double-Aha! You commented on my cute ass! I knew you glanced at me several times in the school showers. Derek just stared at Angel and then looked at me in puzzlement. - I guess that was a delayed reaction. I chuckles and we all go off laughing again.

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 08 - Night Down By The Ocean

• We're here!!! Robin cries triumphantly as the train stops and we all start loading up on our luggage. - God. Derek groans. - Now I know why you complained before. Eight hours on that train and I'm already considering killing off every single train-driver that I see. - You should come to Stockholm. I giggle. - The trains are always delayed and sometimes even cancelled. It once took me two hours to get home and it wouldn't even take one hour to go by bus. - Wow. Angel said. - Harsh. - Aha! I cry and point a finger at him and everyone stare at me. - I knew you were a Buffy-fan! You're a closet Buffy-fan! - Alright, alright, I confess. He said, defeated. - My name is Angel and I'm a... Buffette. - Well, it's nice that you can be so open with it. Aqua giggles as she peeks her head into our coupe. - C'mon, you snails. We're outta here!

Aah. Finally. Here we are at the beach. We're all lying spread around, tanning our skin. Well, except for Victor who's swimming laps. Ooh! What's that? Ooh! Robin changing into swimming trunks. No, wait. It's Angel changing into swimming trunks. Wait... no... it can't be Anastasia... it is! It is Anastasia changing into a pair of swimming trunks... ... ... ... wait... what?! Oh, it's just Thunderbolt changing into a pair of swimming trunks. Ouh!!!! Thunderbolt, the most muscled stud of all of the boys of the Party, changing into swimming trunks! Must-see-boypeek! Wait, that didn't make sense. Eh, screw it. Screw people. Screw Thunderbolt. Ooh! Wait a minute. - Hey. Derek says and crashes down next to me on my towel. - Err... what? I ask him, slowly coming to my senses from my really disturbing one-way conversation with myself. - You really think that he likes me? He asks me nervously. - Yes. I say. - Do you find me sexy? He then asks. - Yes. I answer. - Do you think that he'll find me sexy? He then asks and blushes. - Yes! I groan. - Do you think...! He starts asking, but I interrupt him. - Yes!! I cry and everyone looks at me. - Yes, I'd love go to blueberry-picking with you later today. I quickly add and everyone's stares go away. - Psst, there are no blueberries here in Florida. Derek whispers to me. - Wow, they're even worse illiterate people than I thought. I chuckle. - Now, should I or should I not reveal my true feelings for him? Derek asks me and then flinch when I give him one of my dirtiest glares ever, and I've given many dirty ones in my time. - You know, I like you. I say. - Let's not make me put a little "not" before "like", shall we? - Alright. He chuckles. - So, want me to massage some suntan lotion onto your back? - Alright. I say and flip over in a flash. Derek starts massaging suntan lotion all over me and I just purr in pleasure. I look the beach over and suddenly notice how Robin is peeking at us through his magazine, clearly glaring at me, and I tense up. - What? Derek wonders. - Don't look, but Robin's out of his mind with jeasouly seeing you rubbing me. I whisper through him without moving my lips in my best ventriloquist- wannabe style. - Really? He asks. - Then, I'll just push him even more out of it. With that, he starts rubbing me lowers and lower until he reaches my butt and I just tense all over. - Hey. I whisper. - Sorry. He apologized. - Well, I guess that's it. I give Robin a quick glance and he's still glaring at us. I decide to make Robin even more jealous by leaning close to Derek and whisper into his ear. - He's ready for you now. I whisper. - Really? Derek whispers. - Oh, he really is. I smirk and Derek grins. - Go get him. I usher him and then leave, walking into the woods for a little nature-moment. Thank God that the plants here aren't that tall since all that I have on is a really short, tight and clingy pair of black shorts and a pair of sneakers. But, hey, who can see me out here? A raccoon? Oh no! A raccoon is sexually molesting me. Help! Call animal control! And then, once again, the sudden urge to sing strikes me. I've always liked singing. I joined the choir is 2nd grade and stayed there 'til sixth grade, when I changed schools and felt uncomfortable joining a new choir. - "Feeling I've been lost for years". I start singing the great, but unfortunately quite unknown, Four Stay Mary song. - "You can never understand me, unless you've seen those years. But you never get to slee-eeee-ep when I'm away." And then I hear a noise behind me. I spin around and almost jump out of my skin when I see someone standing there. An unknown but extremely cute blondie wearing a white tank-top and a pair of black short. Beautiful contrast, especially with his delicate complexion. - Oh, sorry if I startled you. He aplogized and I smile. - Oh, don't be. I chuckle. - I'm so easialy startled. - And please go on singing. He then urge me bluntly. - I mean, it sounded good. And I like "Pain". - Oh, you know the song? I ask him. - No, I'm into S&M. He says sarcastically. - Of course I've heard it. It's been on Buffy The Vampire Slayer, like four times or something. - Ooh! Buffy! I exclaim. - Me love Buffy! Well, me love lotsa stuff, but Buffy! A world without Buffy is like a world without chocolate peanut-butter, which I've never tasted, but still. And he starts giggling. How cute. Wait. He's giggling at me. That's not sweet! That's annoying. This is me annoyed. - Hey! I protest. - Oh, sorry. He says and takes a hold of himself. - You just sound a lot like a... er... friend of mine. - So, what's your name? I ask. - Mine's Phikif, I mean Philip. - Mine's Adrien. He introduces himself and we shake hands. - So, what are you doing out here? I ask him. - Well, my family is at the beach and they tend to get into discussion about boring stuff like warts and how to keep them away, so I figured I'd sneak in here and catch a quick quickie with a raccoon. - You're kidding, right? I ask him and he's got this dead serious look on his face. Then, when I start feeling nervous, he start laughing. - Got ya'! He said between laughs. - I hate being made a fool of. I groan. - Aw, is our little red-head hurt? He chuckled. - Hmm... maybe I should've gone blonde instead of red for this trip. I say. - So why did you get out here? - I was going to just go for a walk and admire the beautiful forest and its sexy inhabitants and...! And I slap him in the back. - Cut it out. I chuckle. I start walking and then turn around. - Hey, are you coming, or what? I ask him. - But we've just met. He said all innocently. - Have you never heard of the expression "Always talk with strangers"? I grin at him. - You mean "never"? He asks. - Well, in any case, I won't bite, unless you ask me to. I grin at him and he runs up to me and we start walking. - So, how much Buffy have you watched? He asks. - Well, just every single episode of seasons 1 through 5 plus all of the episodes of Angel, seasons 1 through 2. I say in one single breath. - Wow. He gasped. - I didn't know anyone could talk like that. - You should have seen me in Polen the year before yesteryear. I chuckle. - I was on a school trip and my mom made me promise her to call her every day so that she'd know that I was alright. I purschased his nifty little phone card. Each minute on the phone cost two marks and the card had a total of twenty-five. Well, I was there for a week and I've still got nineteen marks on that card. - You're weird. He chuckled. - I fear you. - Oh, harsh. I retort. - You never train with me anymore. He said, impersonating Anthony Stewart Head. - He's gone kick your arse! - Well, I'm gonne...! I start saying and then grab my head in mock-pain. - Aaaaaahhh!!!! Damn this chip in my head!!! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Adrien laughed. - Good one. - I'm a living Buffy/Angel-encyclopedia. I chuckle. - So, how much of Buffy have you seen? - All episodes of Buffy and Angel. He says. - Wow, and I think you're weird. I chuckle. - Look who's talking he retorts and points at me. - Oh, you've got a point there. I chuckle. - Wow! He suddenly exclaims and drags me off and before I know it, I'm sitting right next to this God of a twink in the middle of a beautiful clearing. - Isn't the view breathtaking? I gasp as I look around. - It really is. He says and I look over at him. Is he looking at me? Naah. He's probably looking at the stupid snake over there, past my shoulder. Wait a minute... snake! Snake! Snake! Oh, I should probably shout it out loud. - Snake!!! I exclaim and drag him off. We run for a while and end up back at the beach again. - Whew, that was close. He huffed and puffed. - I'd say. I say. - Hey, the gang and I are going to grab something to eat at McDonald's after this. Wanna come with us? - Sure. He says. - Who are the gang? - Oh, just those people. I say and point at the big huddle in a distance that is the Party. - Oh good Lord! He exclaims. - How many of you are there? - Oh, 14. I say. - Alright, that'll do. He says. - But I draw the line at 15. - Good. I say and smile. - I'll go off and tell them that you'll be joining us. I run off to Derek, the biggest yentl of the whole bunch of us, and whisper into his ear. - No way!! He exclaims and then claps his hands thrice to gain everyone's attenttion. - Hey, guys, guess what. Philip just picked up a big blonde cutie! - Sssshhhh!!!! I shush him. - He doesn't know that I'm into guys. As far as he's concerned, we're just friends. And that goes for me too. Rebound guys just aren't my thing. - Well, he'd definitely be able to get your mind off of Brian. Julia said. - Yeah, but what are the chances of him being gay? I ask and shrug my shoulders. - I mean, I've met more gay guys this year than ever before in my entire life. How many gay people are there in America, anyway? - Oh, I say, probably at least twelve-forty million guys. Aero says. - Alright, now I'm gonna bring him over, and you guys behave. I instruct them and stand up and turn around. I then turn back at them again and point at the girls. - And remember. I say. - I get to hit at him first! Everyone burst out laughing and then shut up when they see Adrien staring. I just roll my eyes and skip over to Adrien. Wait... did I just skip? How gay-clichee! - So, what was that all about? He wonders. - Well, I told them about your little raccoon joke. I lie. - Hey! He exclaims. - Friends don't tell on other friends' sexual preferences. We look at each other and then burst out laughing again. - You know what, you're cute. I say. Oops! ... ... ... note to self... kill self... self! Kill self! - Cute? He asks. - Well, in a totally-freaks-me-out-makes-me-feel-weird-platonic kind of way. I quickly add and he seems to buy it. So, I take him by the hand and bring him over to the Party. - Everybody, this is Adrien. I say. - Hi, Adrien. Everyone greets him in unison. - Adrien, everybody. I say. - Wow, I've always wanted to meet everybody. Adrien says sarcastically and we all start laughing. - You know, you'll fit in just fine. Angel chuckles. - Watch out for him. I whisper to Adrien. - That's Angel. He's a huge prankster that'll do anything to pull one on you. And so, I introduce everyone, name by name, for Adrien and we go off towards McDonald's. - Pst, Philip. Derek whisper to me. - I'll be right back. I say to Adrien and leave for the back of the row, where Derek and Robin are walking. - What? I ask Derek. - I just told Robin and you were right! Derek announced happily and motioned to his left hand, which was holding Robin's right. - Ooh! I exclaim. - I'm so happy for you. I also hate you for having a perfect boyfriend. - Oh, he's not perfect. Derek says and Robin's face drops. - But he's just fine. A smile. And then a drop. Robin drops that is. He falls into an open manhole. - My God. Robin groans as he hoist himself up. - A good thing that I realized it soon enough to keep myself from falling into the sewage. - C'mon guys! Aqua calls out to us. We look towards her and see that the gang is, like, over twelve hundred feet away from us. - You're slowing us down again, you slowpokes. She finished. - Hey! I cry. - We're no Pokemons! And that makes everyone start laughing again, even though half of them didn't even get the joke. Well, that's my Party. Illiterate and loyal. If one starts laughing, everyone does. Maybe, this won't be such a bad vacation at all.

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