Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction for entertainment only. The author does not condone anything herein; practice sex safely and legally. Any resemblances to real people, places and events (past, present or future) is unintentional.
Noah, the Embarrassed Nudist Chapter Eight Addendum: Toby & Amos
FRIDAY 10TH SEPTEMBER 2021
Toby was nervous to hear what Amos thought of Noah. It was difficult to say they were best friends – estrangement and changes in both their lives had changed their dynamic and they would never go back to how they were when they were fifteen. Still, Noah remained the most important friend Toby had ever had and Amos's opinion of Noah (and vice versa) were important to him.
Toby and Amos were quietly tidying the garden after Matty, Samir, Ronan and Noah had left. Toby was lost in thought and wondered what Amos was thinking. He and Amos had known each other for years, or been familiar through their Synagogue at least, and only been dating for a few months. It was nice to finally tell people.
"I can see why you love him so much," Amos said spontaneously.
Toby was pleased that Amos had broken the quiet between them but...
"What do you mean?" Toby asked nervously.
"I mean, I can see why you love him so much. As a friend and why you fell for him," Amos clarified calmly.
Amos wasn't jealous that Toby had had a crush before they had gotten closer. It seemed like such an illogical thing to feel – the kind of thing that only happened in books and movies.
"I fell out with him too," Toby pointed out.
"I know. He's cute and funny. I like him," Amos said.
Amos smiled, his small face brightening and he stepped closer to put one arm around Toby and kissed his cheek. Toby returned the embrace – chaste but intimate.
"I should ask him what he thinks of you?" Toby ventured.
Amos reeled back and smirked mischievously.
"Well, if he says anything rotten about me, I take it back. He's the worst and I hate him," Amos joked.
"You don't hate anyone," Toby said.
"I could try?" Amos suggested.
Toby rolled his eyes but smiled warmly. It was still weird sometimes – to think he had a boyfriend when he had struggled so much to come out to his friends. Toby still hadn't told his parents. He didn't like coming out – it felt like a big announcement. It felt like he was shining a light on something and if he was honest, Toby wasn't a proud gay person. He had made peace with it but he wasn't the kind of boy who was proud of his sexuality. Watching Amos, he was proud of his boyfriend who had been through things Toby would not imagine.
"So, what's the deal with Ronan?" Amos asked, snapping Toby out of his introspection again.
"Ronan? Um, I think him and Noah are just friends," Toby said vaguely.
Toby wasn't sure Noah would tell him if there was more going on but he was confident Noah and Ronan were just friends with benefits. Toby caught the expression on Amos's face and realised he'd said the wrong thing.
"I didn't mean Noah-and-Ronan... wait, are they a thing?" Amos asked.
"Not really. I'm pretty sure Noah has had sex with Ronan and Matty though. But they're not a thing," Toby revealed. "What did you mean?"
"I mean, what's the deal with Ronan?" Amos repeated himself with more emphasis on each word.
Amos had picked up on Ronan's character choice. What superhero would you be and Ronan had chosen Moon Knight – a psychologically complex character. Maybe he was overthinking it?
"He has major NPC energy. He only seems to talk if someone talks to him," Amos expanded.
Toby pondered this. He and Ronan had never been the best of friends – Toby had been jealous of him and had failed to meaningfully connect. They were friends but not close friends and remained companions only because they shared friends.
Ronan was weird! Toby had always thought this and was ashamed enough to admonish himself over the judgement but he was... weird!
"I don't know really," Toby replied thoughtfully. "He talks to himself sometimes or comes out with non sequiturs. He's just a bit strange."
There was nothing wrong with being strange or weird and Toby was of the opinion that actions spoke louder than words. It didn't necessarily matter if you didn't know the `correct' words for a LGBTQ person or minorities or people with mental health problems – language changed all the time and when obsession is placed on using the right words rather than actions, that's where problems arise.
The right wing in particular know how to use the right words and then use them to seduce people by sounding reasonable but then acting unreasonably. What does it matter if you know the right transgender terminology when you also support bathroom and sports bans?
So, Toby thought Ronan was strange and weird and tried not to say it but he behaved inclusively and positively towards Ronan.
"You think he's neurodivergent?" asked Amos.
"Do... do you think he's neurodivergent?" Toby returned.
Toby had never really considered it.
"Maybe. Maybe he's just quiet but there is something about him..." Amos observed.
Amos was quiet, thoughtful, insightful and diplomatic – Toby was inclined to believe his boyfriend when he noticed things. They sat down together, legs touching and enjoying the sun.
Ronan had tried to tell them all something earlier: "I'll tell you another time." Toby felt stupid for not noticing it earlier. Amos was right: what's his deal? He would bet Noah already knew.
"Ok, so you like Noah and Ronan," Toby said of his friends. "What about Matty and Samir?"
"Samir's a clever boy, isn't he? He seems very astute," Amos said. "And he's witty."
"Agreed," Toby replied.
"Matty is a lot of fun," Amos added.
"He's fucking bonkers!" Toby pointed out.
Amos pulled a face. He seldom if ever swore and tried not to be judgemental or critical of people. Toby's comments were made with the greatest of endearment but Amos knew what it was like to be called things that hurt to the core of one's being.
"He's hilarious," Amos countered.
"Don't let his charm fool you, he can be very annoying," Toby said affectionally.
"Nobody's perfect," Amos said.
"You're perfect," Toby said.
"You fibber!" Amos replied with a giggle and he turned quickly to kiss Toby's lips.
They were still sitting in the sun in Toby's back garden. Toby was in his school uniform – sans blazer and tie and his top shirt button was undone. Amos was in skinny jeans, too hot for the summer weather, and a baggy t-shirt that showed off a flat chest and bony clavicle.
Toby put his arms around Amos as they continued to kiss. This was as intimate as they had gotten the months they had been dating and he was happy they were moving at a slow pace they were both comfortable with. It seemed a teenage obsession to loss one's virginity; to be kissing and having oral sex and fucking as soon as possible. Toby had no interest and for all he had struggled to come out, he felt zero peer pressure to move forward with sex or intimacy just because his friends or peers were doing it.
The kissing was nice. When their lips parted, Toby looked into Amos's eyes and felt like he was in love. He'd never felt that way before.
"I need to text Noah and ask him what he thinks of you," Toby said already tapping out the message.
Amos leaned back in his seat with a serene smile on his face, patiently waiting for the approval of Toby's friends. Amos had worked very hard, psychologically, to not need other people's approval yet he had to admit it meant a lot when he won it. Amos hoped he had won over Toby's friends.
Toby: [So... what do you think?]
Noah: [I think you're really lucky. Amos is a great guy.]
Toby smiled and showed Amos the reply.
"He thinks you're great," Toby said happily.
"I already knew I'm great," Amos said quietly and Toby chuckled.
Toby: [I'm glad you like him.]
Noah: [Did Amos like me?]
Toby: [He did. I told him he had to. Lol.]
Toby: [He likes all of you but yes, he likes you Noah.]
Noah: [Does he know about... my hobbies?]
Toby: [No. Is it ok if I tell him? I don't want him to be surprised when he next sees you.]
Surprised? Noah thought to himself and then he realised what Toby had implied.
Noah: [Toby... what school does Amos go to?]
Toby: [Barons Edge Comprehensive. Yea.]
Toby: [So, can I tell him?]
Noah: [I think you'd better.]
Toby stared at the screen of his phone a while longer. He had to tell Amos that Noah was a nudist – he didn't want his boyfriend finding out when he saw Noah's penis at school. So why was he suddenly so hesitant?
Could it be because they hadn't yet reached the stage of intimacy that involved nudity?
"Amos, can I tell you something about Noah?" Toby asked.
"Sure," Amos replied.
"He's... Well, Noah's a nudist," Toby revealed.
Amos's face twisted into a picture of bewilderment. Whatever he had expected Toby to say next, that was not it.
"Ok... what?" Amos replied in his gentle voice.
"He likes being naked," Toby expanded.
"I know what a nudist is," Amos asserted.
Toby rolled his eyes at Amos's droll reply.
"He's a nudist at school too," Toby added.
Amos laughed and when Toby didn't, his eyebrows knotted.
"Noah is a nudist?" Amos repeated and Toby nodded. "And he goes to school naked too?"
"Technically he goes to school in his uniform and gets naked once he's there but yes... he goes to school naked," Toby clarified.
"Wow! I mean, now I can definitely see why you fancied him so much," Amos admitted.
There was a moments silence while Toby allowed Amos to digest what he'd just found out.
"He goes to school naked?!" Amos repeated. "What kind of bizarro school lets a boy do that?"
"They support his lifestyle choice," Toby said but the explanation sounded weak.
Noah's nudism at school had never made much sense to be honest. It sounded like a work of fiction by a mischievous mind.
"I take it Noah knows you've told me?" Amos asked.
Toby nodded.
"Have you told him about me?" Amos asked.
"No," Toby replied quietly. "We haven't talked about telling my friends about that yet."
"We should just tell them I'm trans, Toby," Amos said definitively. "I understand if you're not ready to tell them..."
Amos was seventeen years old and could not recall a time when he hadn't known he was a he. Amos had always known he was gay too – there was no awakening to this fact, to either of these facts. He had also always been questioned and now that he was older, he could view those questions almost like being gaslit.
People questioned Amos's sense of self and his sense of reality. Some of the questions were undoubtedly well intentioned. Most people are cisgendered so it's natural to question someone who doesn't recognise themselves in that way. His parents had been understanding and supportive. Amos could not imagine having the kind of parents who bullied their children into hiding their true self. They had been scared for him because they understood that Amos would face tough years; a struggle to be accepted at synagogue, at school, with the wider family, with friends... and especially with enemies.
Amos was luckier than most. He had, by and large, been accepted and those who were not accepting had learned to be accepting or at least not unaccepting.
Amos had worn gender neutral clothes from the age he was able to choose his own outfits and then he had socially transitioned when he was six years old. He had attended a Gender Development and Identity Service, met a consultant endocrinologist and in the weeks since turning seventeen, he had been referred to the adult gender clinic.
Most people would never understand.
They would never understand how hard it is to have to justify one's existence, to struggle just to be accepted as a person, as a human being. Amos didn't understand why some people had to make it so hard. Gender critics weren't making anyone safer with their discrimination, they were only making the lives of a vulnerable group harder.
Of course, not all transgender people were good people. Some of them did bad things. Straight cis people did bad things too but their gender and sexuality weren't weaponised against them when they did.
It could be both rewarding and frustrating (and sometimes infuriating) to have to explain to curious or ignorant or downright stupid people what being transgender means. The most aggravating thing was when people who knew little, nothing or less than nothing about it tried to lecture him. As if Amos, after seventeen years and over a decade with a clinical psychologist, a child psychotherapist, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and a family therapist... as if Amos was not a better judge of who he was than some moron who doesn't even know sex and gender are different things.
Perhaps it helped that Amos had always been petite. He had the body of an Onlyfans twink. He had been taking hormone blockers and gender affirming hormones that had deepened his voice and given him hair in all the usual boy places.
It almost made Amos laugh when people (usually under the pretence of being rational and trying to make an argument out of legitimate concern) tried to say hormone blockers/ cross-sex hormones cause irreversible changes and maybe shouldn't be given in case one changed their mind...
An appendicectomy or splenectomy is irreversible too! Maybe they shouldn't be taken out when a fucking consultant surgeon says so. Y'know, in case a person regrets it later in life!
Cisgender, heterosexuals don't need to explain themselves.
It annoyed Amos that he had to explain himself and that people still thought of gender, sex, sexuality, physical ability, neuro ability as having a normal' and having a spend your entire life explaining yourself perfectly'. It could be exhausting.
For all the acceptance of his parents, the entire medical and scientific field, his school and his synagogue, Amos had faced a tough time as he got older. Being a fifteen-year-old trans boy had been tougher than being a twelve-year-old trans boy. Conservative voices in his synagogue had been critical, joining the voices of bullies at school like that shit heap Eric. Amos seldom if ever swore but Eric was (and still is) a fucking bastard.
Quite how bullying people over how they dress, walk, talk and express their humanity is supposed to be helpful was beyond Amos's understanding.
Amos had known Toby for a long time. They had known each other through their religious community and Amos had always liked him a lot. It wasn't until they turned sixteen that they started to get closer. Amos learned that Toby was deeply insecure about his sexuality – to the point of internal hatred. Toby came to accept himself not because of his best friend Noah, but because of the support of Amos. If anyone could understand accepting oneself, it was Amos.
When they started dating, it wasn't exactly a secret, it was just something they weren't telling people. Amos had braved one difficult question early on; had Toby agreed to date him because... How could he phrase it?
"You found it hard to come out to your friends and still haven't told your mum and dad," Amos had said. "Did you agree to go out with a boy like me because of... my external anatomy?"
Toby had been very clear this was not the reason they were dating. Toby liked boys which was why he liked Amos. Sex was not a level either of them were ready for so "external anatomy" was not an issue. Realistically, most intimate relationships aren't based on what bits one has – they are about character and love.
Amos was a seventeen-year-old boy – he wasn't demanding that every gay boy fancy him. He most certainly did not fancy every boy he met. He did not expect special treatment. Amos didn't expect everyone to like or love him, he just didn't want to be hated. He wanted to be accepted as a person. "Let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark," his father quoted Shakespeare to him. It meant, do not look at me as though you hate me.
That wasn't asking so much, was it?
"I am ready, Amos," Toby replied. "I want to tell my friends but we agreed they should meet you first."
Toby smiled – he was happy and gaining confidence and starting to feel things for his boyfriend that he had never felt for anyone before.
"In fact, I think I want to come out to my parents," Toby confessed.
"Wow. That's a big step for you," Amos said supportively.
"Yea... I was thinking today?" Toby added. "I can hear them coming home now."
Amos shifted uneasily. He got on well with Toby's parents – they were nice people, accepting and friendly. Toby had admitted he wasn't sure how his dad would feel about him being friends with a trans boy but his dad had literally never said a bad or discouraging thing about it.
"Are you sure about this? You don't need to rush into anything," Amos said softly.
"I think I've taken quite enough time already," Toby replied.
Toby stood up and extended his hand. Amos slipped his hand into Toby's and stood up too and then they walked inside. Their hands parted as Toby opened the back door and they stepped inside. The transition from bright sunlight to indoors made the boys blink as their eyes adjusted. Toby's parents were already putting away shopping and talking about dinner.
"Hello, sweetie. How was school," Toby's mum asked.
"It was ok," Toby responded.
"Hi, Amos. Are you staying for dinner?" Toby's dad asked.
"Not tonight but thanks for the offer," Amos replied.
"Are you going to help us put this away?" dad said to Toby and gestured at the bags of groceries.
"No thanks," Toby replied jokingly.
His mum scowled theatrically, Amos sniggered and dad drew his son an admonishing look.
"Ok, so when are you planning to do your own food shopping, son?" dad asked pointedly.
"I'll help," Toby quickly amended.
"I thought you might. You boys can tackle that bag," mum said.
Toby and Amos started to unpack tins and jars, their hands brushing each other as the reached at the same time.
"I've got something I want to tell you both," Toby said thoughtfully.
Mum and dad shared a look, there was a long pause and then mum spoke because clearly dad was delegating that duty.
"Ok. Are you ok?" mum asked.
"I'm fine... I'm really good," Toby insisted. "I'm... I'm gay... and Amos is my boyfriend."
Mum and dad were quiet, shared a look again and slowly smiled.
"Thank you for telling us, son," his dad said.
Then dad came around the kitchen table and pulled Toby into a hug. They were not really a hugging family but it was a lovely moment of affection and acceptance. After a few seconds, the man reached out one of his hands and gestured for Amos to tuck himself into the embrace as well.
"We hope we didn't make it too hard to talk to us, Toby. We've been waiting for you to tell us for a while," mum said.
"You have?" Toby asked, his voice thick as he choked back emotion.
It had been difficult accepting himself and he should have known his mum and dad would be cool about it but Toby's own fear had clouded his insight. They had known?
"We talked about it and agreed you would tell us in your own time and that it would be fair to deprive you of that. We've been trying to be supportive so you knew it would be ok," dad explained.
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My stories so far:
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/authors.html#jforrester
Complete series: School Exhibitionism, The Symposium, The Embarrassment of Riches, Do As You're Told and A Series of Embarrassing Events.
Ongoing (interconnected) short stories: Anthology.
Short stories: Aiden's Accidental Autoerotic Assignment, Jogging Joe's Jaunty Journey and Peter's Past Posing Pictures