The following story is a work of fiction - and does not represent any living person. The story will in the future contain sex between two adult consenting men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me notes or comments. I really do appreciate it. For anyone who has ever complained of the chapters being too short - well here it is - the longest chapter yet. So enjoy it! As I always say, please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. As usual, if you have anything to say about the story - good or bad - drop me a line at mr_e08@hotmail.com. There's a question at the end of the chapter which I am curious to know how people would answer.
Ethan.
------ Chapter 9 ------
*** JORDAN ***
My eyes fling open. My body swings forward. My heart is racing. Sweat is running down my forehead. My hands are ice cold, clutching the bed sheets for dear life.
What the fuck was that?
I look around me but he's not here. He was never here.
But it felt so real. I could feel his fingers on my cheeks ... his hands on my back ... his breath on my shoulder. Noah's lips close to mine ...
It was a dream. Only a dream.
Oh man.
I flop back down onto my bed landing with a thud, my body hitting the mattress like dead weight. My heart is racing; I can feel my blood rushing through my veins. An eerie silence hangs over the room. It's accented by the sound of the curtains shuffling as an icy breeze seeps in through the window. My eyes have started to shift and the room is now coming into focus. I just lay there frozen staring up at the cieling. It's then that I realize my dick is as hard as a rock. It feels more like a steel rod poking through my pyjamas. It's completely erect, standing at attention, ready to break free of its confinement. I don't think I've ever felt this hard - it almost hurts.
I try to ignore it and close my eyes. But as my lids close and darkness ensues around me the image of Noah's face close to mine comes back in my head. It hits me sharply. I open my eyes again - this time tugging for air. My lungs expand - but it doesn't feel like enough oxygen is going inside of me.
It was only a dream dude, only a dream. It doesn't mean anything. Dreams are just weird random thoughts in your head - they have no barring on the real world. I'm horny - it's been a while since I had sex with a girl or jacked off for that matter. So clearly sex is on my mind. Noah was on my mind because of yesterday - because of how he acted like a jerk. So I just put the two thoughts together and that's why I was thinking about sex and Noah. It was just a jumble of thoughts in my head. It means nothing. Just go back to bed. But I just continue to stare at the cieling. Sleep is no where to be found.
Okay - get up and just keep yourself busy. I look at the clock - it's only 7 am! Damn, I don't think I've ever been up this early. It very well could be a record I think. Alright, what can I do at 7 in the morning .... hmmm, I could study .... yeah right .... ah ... nothing. There's nothing to do at this time. I look around me and notice my room still looks like a disaster. I might as well clean up. I get up and start to pick up some clothes off the floor. As I bend down I can feel my dick jabbing into my clothing again. It will go away on its own - just ignore it.
Ok, I need to distract my mind and think about something. Uh, volleyball ... I should be able to go to practice next week and see all the guys again ... the guys - that includes Sebastian ... the new best friend of Noah. Shit - that doesn't work. Okay, try something else. Uh - my brace might come off on Monday - if the doctor gives the go ahead. But then thinking of the doctor I remember the hospital visit - and then again - Noah.
I pick up a shirt off the floor and a book falls out of it. Great! Of course it's my English book. That again brings the way of Noah thoughts back into my head. Clearly this isn't working - I need to get out of here.
I grab the closes pieces of clothing I can find. I have no idea what I'm wearing - if it's clean or even if it matches. As I put my jeans on I notice my dick is still as hard as rock. I might as well take care of this before I go. I walk into the washroom and start stroking my dick and close my eyes. Okay - think of the hottest girl you know. Well there's this blond in my life sciences class. Think about her - and undressing her. Seeing her naked. While mentally picturing her naked I continue to rub my hand against my dick - it feels so good. The pressure starts to build within me as I grab on to the sink with my other hand. I'm at the tip of my climax and start stroking faster. Just as I'm about to release the image of the blond fades away and I see myself again with Noah - his face close to me - his lips hovering near mine. I snap open my eyes as an intense orgasm takes over me. I shoot strings of cum into the sink. My body shakes as my orgasm subsides. Holy shit that was intense. I completely ignore the image of Noah in my head.
I wash my hands and put on a shirt before grabbing my keys and walking out the door. Once outside I start walking towards the West and away from the rising run. I have no idea where I'm going. I just walk in the direction which feels natural. It's a rather chilly morning. I can see several rooftops with white marks all over them. Some cars in the lot have a thin sheet of ice on them as well. Early signs that winter - and snow - is just around the corner. There is barely anyone out this morning. Then again can you blame them, it's only 7:15 in the morning. Heck I would be sleeping if not for ...
Shit, I'm not dressed for this weather. I look to the nearest building to get into, which happens to be the gym. I guess that's why this route seems so familiar - I walk this way all the time to go workout. Well I can't do any cardio but that shouldn't stop me from upper body strength training. I walk into the gym - and much to my relief - it's practically deserted.
Since I ran out in a hurry I didn't bring a change of clothes with me. I make my way over to some of the free weights and grab some dumbbells. I sit on one of the benches and begin working on my biceps.
One ... two ... three ... four ... shit I'm tired .... five ... damn its only been a few weeks and I already feel out of shape .... aaah ... six .... sev .... en ....
"Hey man,"
Bang! I jump back. Holy shit. The dumbbell crashes onto the floor with a loud thud, narrowly missing my good foot.
"Oh sorry. You almost took out your other foot."
That was really close. I turn around to see Sebastian standing beside me. His eyes are wide and his mouth as if in some sort of shock. Can't a guy get a few minutes of peace and tranquillity?
"Hey Sebastian,"
"Sorry dude, didn't mean to startle you."
"Yeah you just caught me off guard. What are you doing here so early?"
"I usually come here at this time before classes start. As you can see it's pretty empty at this time."
"Yeah it is." Alright go away. I am in no mood to talk to you.
"So what are you doing here this early?" he asks.
"Couldn't sleep so I thought I would just drop by."
"In a dress shirt and jeans?"
Okay fine so I wasn't here in the most conventional clothing, I'll admit that, but what's it to him?
"Yeah I left in a hurry."
"Bad night?"
At that's your business how?
"No, just busy you know with midterms starting next week." My night seems far better than the morning I am having now.
He moves off to go grab some weights. Good - he's gone. But of course, he comes right back.
"So we have a game coming up this week."
"Yeah I know. I hope to be back in time."
"Well we will need you - they are the number one team in the division."
"We beat them last year - and we can beat them again this year."
"So are you going to bring Noah along with you again?"
Why would I need to bring him along. I would assume that's something you would have asked him already while the two of you were all cozy in the coffee shop the day before.
"Ah, no."
"Why not?" He doesn't say it to me - he's working out and just talking out loud.
"I don't think he would want to come."
"He looked like he had a really good time at the last game."
Really Sebastian - why the fuck do you care? Honestly just leave me alone. I'm start to get really annoyed and I know I shouldn't say it - but before I know it the words are out of my mouth.
"Honestly I don't care to hang around him anymore. He's really weird. I'm just waiting for this English presentation to be over."
"Just asking man - don't get all worked up."
"No I'm fine. Anyway I have to run now. See you later."
"Later."
I quickly get up and speed hop outside the door. Once outside I grab my phone.
"Yo John. Busy tonight? ..... Good, we're going out."
After my short appearance at the gym I go straight home. There goes my nice and quiet morning! I spend the day at home catching up on some work I've been delaying for a while. The only class for the day I have is English - but I just don't care to go. Besides he will be there and he can screw himself. After my eventful morning I don't need to deal with him. The one thing I do regret is saying those things to Sebastian. I was just being spiteful and shouldn't have said Noah was weird.
After slugging through a brutal day, finally it's 10 o'clock and John calls to tell me he will be over in a few minutes. I get ready and am waiting outside by the time he pulls up.
"Hey John," I say while getting into the car.
"Hey man. Where to?"
"Somewhere with drinks and lots of girls."
We make our way down to a local club. Since it is the start of the weekend the place is packed with students who just need to get away for a break. We head to the bar and order some drinks before finding a comfy couch to sit down on and relax.
"So man, how's it going?" John asks.
"Nothing much. Life's boring. I need a girl in my life right now."
"Well you might not have to look too far."
"What do you mean?"
"That girl on the other coach has been eyeing you for a few moments now."
I turn my head to the side a bit and notice there is a girl staring at me. She smiles at me and I nod back at her.
"Sorry dude to ditch you but - you know."
I get up and make my way towards her. A few other girls sitting by her quickly get up and make room for me to sit down.
"May I?'
"Sure."
"I'm Jordan."
"Natalie."
"Nice to meet you Natalie. I must say you look stunning tonight"
"Thank you. You don't waste much time do you?"
It's been a while since I was last single and on the scene. Tonight is all about indulging in life - I have no time to waste. The two of us talk for a while about nothing in particular. Perhaps it was the alcohol or maybe just the adrenaline but I really start overtly flirting with her as much as I can. I slowly start to brush my foot against hers. It makes her smile and blush which just eggs me on further. I order a third round of drinks and as the liquor dries up, we start to move closer. Before I know it I lean in and kiss her. She doesn't cringe so I take that as a sign to move forward. We begin to make out heavily, our lips locked together like in some epic battle.
I move my head down to her neck. She moans softly in my ear: "That feels so good Jordan." She runs her hand through my hair and the other grabs my back, pulling me in closer.
Before I even know it, I moan in her ear. "Ah, ... Noah.."
She breaks away quickly and stares at me. "My name's Natalie."
Shit.
"Of course, that's what I said."
"No you didn't. You said Noah. Great I'm making out with a fag." She gets up and storms off into the crowd. She finds her friends who all start staring and gawking at me.
Crap. I quickly find John.
"Man this place sucks - let's go somewhere else."
"What happened to that girl you were making out with?"
"Nothing, she was just leading me on - let's go."
Back outside John asks me where I want to go next.
"I have an idea, just turn left here and go straight down," I say.
"Are you going to tell me where we're heading?"
"You'll see. Okay, take a left turn here."
"Dude it's easier driving when I know where I'm going. And I'm not fond of cutting across three lanes at once."
"Sorry, okay we're here."
"Well looks like the old Jordan is back to his ways."
"It's been a while since I've been with Kate and I need this."
"Hey I'm not complaining. You can call me any time to join you here."
I brought John to a strip club. I need to get everything out of my head. I need the release. Tonight is all about drinking, partying, and now naked girls.
We walk into the club which is packed with guys tonight. The room is dimly lit in soft red lighting. Our eyes automatically drift towards the centre of the room where the source of the light, a stage, is set up with a number of polls. Several girls are dancing on it wearing various degrees of clothing. A number of men, all horned up and drunk, are howling at the front of the room, telling the girls to reveal everything.
John and I make our way back to the bar where I order another round of drinks.
"Perhaps I should stop now - I have to drive home." John says.
It doesn't stop me from pegging down a few more glasses. We make our way to one corner of the stage where this blond is dancing on a pole. She has her legs wrapped around it and is pushing herself against the steel rod. I'm transfixed on her movements. With the music blaring and the alcohol kicking in I feel lost in a trance.
"Hi there," A tall brunette says standing beside me in practically nothing. "You're really good friend here bought you a lap dance. Did you want to come join me?"
I look at John who is grinning and nudging me on. "You deserve it - have a little fun."
I didn't need to be told twice. I follow her as she makes her way to a side section of the room. The area is lit with the same ambient red tone. She guides be to a chair and pushes me on to it.
"Close your eyes, bring your shoulders back and just relax."
The next five minutes are pure extacy ...
I'm not sure what I remember next but I'm somewhere dark. Foreign hands are roaming all over my body. They find the edge of my shirt and yank it over my head. The cool air rushes up against my skin, creating goose bumps along my arms. The hands are back on me now - flat on my chest as I am pushed down onto a bed. I land flat on my back and bounce up slightly before settling into the sheets. I can feel someone crawling on to the bed with me, there hands are on my shoulders, knees on the bed beside me, pinning me down.
They bring their face down to my chest and begin to kiss my skin. They make their way across my shoulders to the other side, slowly going down towards my right nipple. Their lips brush over it, teasing me. The excitement and cool air have already made them erect. They swirl their tongue around it, slowly sucking on my nipple. Their other hand starts to works its way down my torso. Slowly with a finger creating a line down my mid-section.
Their mouth follows their hand and slowly they begin to move down my abs to my belly button. They kiss me softly, gently on each spot, stopping a moment to taste my skin. The lean back and press against my dick - which is fighting against my jeans to escape. Their hand finds my dick and they slowly begin to massage it. I moan softly as I close my eyes. I'm lost in the moment. They sit down into my lap, and slowly begin to rock back and forth. They place their hands over my chest again - each hand slowly pinching my already sensitive nipples. The pressure starts to build within me. Each movement sends me closer to the edge as my dick is rubbed against my jeans. They begin to move faster and more fiercely. My breathing gets heavier and I grab on to the sheets. Fuck that feels good. I arch my back as pressure builds withing me. I can't hold on any longer and I let go. My body shakes as streams of cum shoot into my jeans. I tremble as my orgasm subsides.
I can feel his body still on me. Even though I haven't seen his face I know it's him. It has to be him. I open my eyes to catch a glimpse of his presence.
My eyes open and I jump back.
John?
*** NOAH ***
All day I kept contemplating if I should go or not to his birthday party tonight. Why should I really? It's a party for Jordan's friends. Well clearly I wasn't one so why I should I go? The worst part is how he would pretend to be all friendly with me, joking with me and acting all nice. Well I didn't want to deal with his facade. You know it even makes sense now. He only picked me as a partner and has been nice to me because he wants me to do all the work. He knows I'm a nerd and just figures if he brings on the charm I will just do everything for him. Well he's mistaken if he thinks that's going to happen. I wonder if he was ever even for a moment been genuine in the way he interacted with me.
I pick up my phone and turn it on. I had switched it off after I left the coffee shop on Thursday. I really didn't want to be bothered that night. Well it's now Saturday and I guess I should check to see if I have any messages. A couple of missed calls and text message notifications pop up.
Sebastian: "Call me. Please."
Jenn: "Sleeping in lazy bum ... "
Jenn: "Class is starting ... "
Jenn: "The paper's due .... "
Jenn: "Nerd boy your paper's late ... "
Shit my paper! Yesterday I woke up late with a horrible headache. I decided to ditch all of my classes. I was so pissed yesterday I didn't even go to my English class. I just didn't want to see Jordan or talk to him. All I could remember was coming home from the coffee place and that was about it. I totally forgot to finish my essay and hand it in. That's not like me at all. Now it will be considered 3 days late because the prof won't check his box until Monday. Great now my grades are suffering because of him.
Sebastian: "Just to want to make sure you're okay."
Then there was Sebastian. I guess the way I took off wasn't really well mannered. It wasn't his fault what Jordan thought. Sebastian was just the messenger. Out of all of this - he's the only one who has really been there for me and understood me. He doesn't deserve any of this. It's just, I don't know what answer to give to him. I don't know if I am ready to live that lifestyle. I don't know if I could do it. What would everyone think and say, my parents, my siblings and Jenn? Not even what they say or think but what does that mean for me? Do I ever get married? Do I ever have kids? I always thought I would have kids but then is that the way to go? I don't know. But what does my heart want? Can I go through dating other girls and marry someone and be true to myself? Will I be happy? As I mush as I tried with Stacey I knew why our relationship started to break apart. Fuck! Why is life so difficult? Am I over complicating things? Perhaps I should just live life now and let it unfold for me. There's no point in trying to shape out my future.
And, the thing is at least Sebastian cares. He messaged me at least 5 times here to call him or to see how I am. I guess I should give him a call back.
"Hey you."
"Hi Sebastian."
"How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"I've been trying to reach you for the last two days."
"I know. I'm sorry. The way I took off the other day wasn't right. I apologize for that. It wasn't your fault. You didn't say those things and I just over reacted. Again, I'm sorry."
"No need to be man. I just wanted you to know what the reality was out there. I didn't want you to get your hopes up."
"I know. I was just being dumb."
"No you weren't. So, change of pace, are you coming to the party tonight?"
"I don't know. Why should I? I'm not his friend." I say.
"You're my friend though and I hope soon a little more if you catch my drift."
"I catch your drift but tonight's party is for Jordan."
"But it's at my place and I want you to be there."
"I'll feel like an outsider. I don't know anyone there."
"You know me - and I thought you were bringing Jenn along. It will be nice for you to get out of the house - and you can meet other people. You know make some more friends."
"Clearly making friends isn't working for me."
"Dude you're being too hard on yourself. Just come out tonight and relax. You're not going to Jordan's surprise birthday party - you're coming over to my place."
"I'll see I guess."
"No you won't see. I will come down to your place and drag you over here. I'm stronger than you so don't try to fight me. But all threats aside, I'm asking you to come - for me."
Oh man. Just the way he says it - you feel guilty saying no. I have to learn how he does it.
"You don't give up do you?"
"Nope. I never do and I'll never give up on you."
"Fine. I'll be there."
"Excellent - I apologize sexy, for now though I have to run - I'll see you tonight - 8 pm sharp!"
"Bye."
Okay so I guess I am going after all tonight. You know what, I think it's a good idea. It'll show Jordan that I too have friends and I'm not just some charity case. I don't need him - and he will know that tonight. Now I just have one more phone call to make.
"Now you call me. Where the hell were you yesterday?"
"Hello to you too Jennifer."
"Save it. Where were you?"
"I wasn't feeling well and I slept in. I forgot to turn my phone on."
"In all the years I've known you - one you don't skip class - and two you don't miss papers - and three you don't lie to me. What the hell is going on with you?"
"Nothing - you're over reacting. I wasn't feeling well so I didn't finish the paper. Big deal I'll hand it in on Monday."
"Wow nerd boy saying big deal to handing in a paper late. Words I thought I would never hear. Times have changed. So how did you, after two days, come to remember me?"
"Funny. You should actually be nice to me."
"And why is that?"
"Well I got you an invite to tonight's party."
"Oh so you're going?"
"Yeah I am - and you're coming with me."
"So wait - why should I be nice to you?"
"Ah, because I got you invited and you wanted to go, so that's why."
"Noah - I've hung around your nerdiness long enough to figure you out by now. You need me to go with you because you don't know anyone else."
Damn it - she was too smart sometimes.
"I had pity on you and had to beg Sebastian to let me bring you."
"I'm sure you didn't beg him - I'm sure he was glad to invite me. I'm sure he's dying to see me again."
Yeah Jenn you keep thinking that. All those girls out there who probably fantasize about being with him. How naive they all are.
"So what, are you coming or not?" I ask.
"Of course, I can't let you make a fool of yourself without me."
"You know I still don't know why I put up with you."
"Ah, I know - you have to or I would kick your ass."
Why was everyone threatening to beat me up today?
"Alright, alright - meet me at 7:30 at my place - and don't be late. Stupid girls always taking five years to get ready."
"Beauty takes time - not something you would know about. Out of some miracle one day you could comb your hair."
"My hair's fine. 7:30, see you then. Bye."
"Bye."
Even though it probably seems like we don't like each other, I honestly don't know what I would do without Jenn. She is the only real friend I have right now. She honestly has been there for me throughout everything. Perhaps I should tell her what's going on. If I can't trust her than who can I? After all she is my best friend. I know she will understand and perhaps she can help me through this. Maybe I'll tell her tonight after the party.
Wait a second. What did Jenn say? She said I lied to her. What did I lie to her about? I told her I was meeting Jordan when I was in fact meeting up with Sebastian but she couldn't possibly know that. Could she?
*** JORDAN ***
"Woo man, it's just me - John."
I look around me. I'm in my room - lying on my bed. It's pitch black outside.
"Dude you got really wasted at the strip club so I brought you back here. I was just on my way back out when you made some really weird noise so I thought I would check on you."
I look around me. I'm lying in bed - shirtless - and in a pool of my own cum. John is standing over me with his jacket on and his car keys in his hands.
It was a dream. Another dream.
"Thanks man. I didn't even realize ... "
"No problem. You were mumbling all of this nonsense. You kept saying some word or name, Nora, or Noya, or something like that. You were slurring a lot and I couldn't tell. Oh by the way, you puked on your shirt so I threw in it the hamper. I didn't want to leave you in your own vomit. Anyways I'll let myself out. Get some sleep, I'll call you in the morning."
"Thanks again man."
As I hear the door click I flop back onto bed. The second time in two nights my body hits the mattress like dead weight. Another dream. My head is spinning. All of it felt so real. Too real.
I wake up in the morning with a massive headache and a major hangover. I didn't even think I drank that much last night. Well, most of last night is a blur as it is. All of it except that dream. For some odd reason, even though I can't remember anything else, I can remember the details of the dream vividly. They're images I have tried to shake out of my head several times without much luck. Every time I blink - there they are.
I guess it felt so real because at least part of what I felt was happening. John helped take my shirt off and guided me to my bed. But the rest of it. The hands - the body on my lap. It felt real. Even though I didn't see a face it just felt like it was him. It felt like I was with Noah and it felt good. FUCK! What the hell is going on? Why is he in my dreams again for a second night in a row?
I'm distracted from my thoughts as the phone begins to ring.
"Hello."
"Happy Birthday!"
"Hey mom, thanks."
"Well you didn't think I would forget did you?"
"No of course I didn't."
"What's wrong? You sound horrible."
"Nothing - just a little headache that's all."
"Staying up late and partying are we?"
"No mom. School's been busy."
"Just because I'm older doesn't mean I don't know anything. I was in school once - I know how it goes. But your voice sounds down. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah - I just miss home I guess. I was actually thinking of coming home for long weekend."
"It's your home hun, and your welcome here whenever you want, you know that. I would love to see you."
"I know."
"Okay sweety I have to run. I'm working this weekend. Enjoy your birthday. Let me know about your plans to come back home. If you need anything just give me a call okay?"
"For sure."
"Love you and have a good birthday. Bye."
"Bye Mom."
Growing up it had always been only my mom and I so we were kind of close. I did actually miss her. My old town, my old friends - everything. Last summer I went to visit my father whose health hasn't been great these last few months. I didn't really want to go but my mom forced me. She said if I didn't spend time with him it would be a decision I would regret later in life. After visiting my dad I came straight to school so it's been a while since I've been back home. Maybe it is a good idea if I just get away for a while and clear my head.
When I log onto the computer I have a ton of messages from friends wishing me a happy birthday. So many people I barely ever speak to but who are my friends on Facebook or on MSN. Reading everyone's name and seeing their pictures brings on a wave of nostalgia. The more I think about it - the more I realize I should go home. Just a week to go.
The funny thing is everyone back home remembered my birthday but none of my so called real friends here did. None of them have messaged or called. I'm just thinking about that when my phone rings.
"Hello."
"Hey Jordan."
"Hey John - thanks so much for last night." John should remember it's my birthday.
"Whatever man - as long as you had fun and got a chance to relax - it's all good."
"So what's up?"
"Well what's up is our plan to go out tonight."
"Right I forgot about those. Actually I'm thinking of just staying in tonight. I'm not really up for anything." I actually don't feel like doing anything today. It isn't because of the night before - it has more to do with my lack of energy today.
"Yeah - no. I've made plans and you're coming with me - whether you like it or not."
"Man I don't know. What do you have planned? I'm not sure my head can handle another night like yesterday."
"Don't worry it's low key. Just get ready - and wear something decent."
"Fine but I'm only going out for an hour. I want to be home early tonight."
"Of course. I'll be there in 10 minutes - be ready."
Even though all of the fibres within me are screaming at me not to go I decide I should get out at least for a bit. Besides I've barely eaten anything all day so I could use some food. Not even 5 minutes later John calls me again to say he is waiting outside. Clearly I'm not getting away from him tonight.
"Alright man - so where to?" I say when I am in the car.
"You'll see when we get there."
"John ... " I try to showcase my annoyance, but he doesn't budge.
"Now whose annoyed by not being told where they're going? You'll just have to sit there and wait. But I have to pick something up first."
"Okay."
"We're here." We pull into some apartment complex not too far from the university. "I just have to grab something from a friend."
"You go in - I'll wait in the car."
"It's going to take me a few minutes - just come in with me."
"That's fine I'll wait here."
"Don't sit here alone. It's not a safe neighbourhood - come inside for a few minutes."
"Okay ... " Not a safe neighbourhood? What's he going on about - it's totally fine. John is acting really strange tonight.
We walk up to an apartment and John knocks on the door. We wait a few minutes until someone comes and opens it up. What the hell are we doing at Sebastian's place?
"Hey guys - come on in," he says.
Out of all the places in the world John had to come here. He doesn't even really know Sebastian! What are all my friends now turning to this guy? What the fuck is going on? I hesitantly step inside the apartment ...
"SURPRISE!"
Holy shit. People start popping out of every nook there is. At quick glance I can see Eli and a number of my university friends and volleyball team mates.
"You had no idea did you?" John says to me.
"I honestly didn't." I reply.
"Well it was all Sebastian's idea." He says.
"Thanks, I guess."
A number of people come up to me to wish me a happy birthday. I just continue to nod in their direction. I guess this is why no one from university messaged me - they're all here. It's nice to see everyone again. For a while it distracts me from my thoughts of the last few days.
"Oh, oops, sorry." I seem to have bumped into someone. I almost lose my balance so I grab them by their waist.
"Well it looks like you really do like running into me."
"Hey it's you. I'm sorry. I almost fell so I grabbed onto you." I had bumped into Jenn quite literally for the second time.
"It's okay. Happy Birthday."
"Thanks."
"You're a bit surprised to see me here, aren't you?"
"Ah, no. I'm glad you came." Well I actually was surprised.
"Yeah Noah made me come with him."
It's then that I notice Noah leaning on a wall near the kitchen. The moment I see his face the image from two nights before flashes before my eyes. I remember his hands on me - his face close to mind. I remember the longing I felt for him. It was just a dream. I notice Sebastian walk up to him. He puts his arm on Noah's shoulder and leads him away. I look back at Jenn. "Well I'm glad he did. Would you like to get something to drink?"
"Sure, I'd love to."
*** NOAH ***
Even though I had accused Jenn of taking too much time getting ready - it was actually me holding us up today. Jenn had arrived by 7:30 - on time. I was ready but then I figured what I was wearing was too casual and so I changed. But then I realized it was too formal - so I changed again. I just couldn't decide on what to wear. I knew it wasn't even important but I kept changing my mind.
By the time we arrived at Sebastian's place the apartment was pretty busy with people. I was a bit relieved to see people were actually here. Even though he had also invited Jenn - my initial hesitation of if the party was real - or just a ploy - was still at the back of my head. It was put to rest when I saw there were in fact people there for a party.
I haven't been here for more than 5 minutes when people start shouting that Jordan is on his way up. Jenn and I hide behind a sofa because we really have no idea what else to do. I hear a knock on the door and the room falls into silence. I can hear it creak open and Sebastian greeting someone. A few seconds later everyone is jumping out of their hiding space - so we do as well - and yell surprise! A lot of people start moving to the front and in a split second I realize I've lost Jenn. She seems to have been swept away with the crowd.
Some guy asks me to help him put some stuff into the kitchen so I go off with him. I keep looking around though for Jenn and I can't seem to find her anywhere. It's then that I see her - with Jordan - his arm around her waist. I don't know why but I just lean against the wall and stare at them. The two are talking and laughing together. He smiles at her and my heart sinks.
"Hey, common man you didn't come to get yourself down. Cheer up - here come with me." I feel Sebastian's arm on my shoulder as he nudges me away from the wall. I swear I think I saw Jordan look at us - but I can't be too sure. I just follow Sebastian as he leads me to the far side of the room. He introduces me to a group of people I have never met before. I say hello and soon after melt into the background. They're all talking and I occasionally nod - but my attention is elsewhere. I can see Jordan and Jenn sitting together on a coach in the far end of the room. They seem like they're having so much fun, laughing at each others jokes and just having a good time. The more I watch them the more I realize the reality of the situation. Jordan is straight and will always be.
I excuse myself from the room and make my way to the balcony. I need some fresh air. It's a little chilly out but it doesn't bother me. It's a beautiful night, not a single cloud in the sky. The full moon is casting a silver reflection on the campus, sprawled out in front of me. Tonight you can see the stars burning far off in the distance. I'm alone for a few moments when I hear footsteps behind me.
"Having fun?" he asks.
"Yeah loads Sebastian." I keep my back to him and continue to gaze out into the distance.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine. Just a little tired really. I think I might take off soon."
"Look Noah, " he says, "I didn't want tell you this but I thought you should know. I ran into Jordan this morning at the gym.
"Okay .. "
"And well you came up in conversation."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing, he just confirmed that you were just a classmate."
"What exactly did he say?"
"Noah ... "
"Just tell me, I'm a grown up - I can take it."
"He called you weird and said he was just waiting for the English presentation to be over."
Weird. Well it's not surprising - I have heard that before. I know I am not your run-of-the-mill kind of guy, but coming from Jordan, I don't know what to think.
"Oh." The only word I can muster up.
"Just remember one thing Noah - stop chasing after something you know will never be. If you stopped for a moment and took a look around you, you would realise there are people here who want to be with you and will accept you for who you are - people who like the fact that you're a bit weird." He says the ending with a bit of a laugh.
He makes a point. I have everything I need here so why am I continuously looking into a future that will never be? I just sigh. He stands beside me in silence for a few moments. He moves a little closer to me and wraps his fingers around mine. We're standing side by side with our hands in front of us - blocking anyone from seeing them. My first inclination is to pull my hand away - but I don't. It feels right. Instead I strengthen my grip and he responds by squeezing back as well. We just stand there for a few moments in silence.
"Hey, Noah, where have you been?" Jenn calls out from the living room. I quickly let go of Sebastian's hand and turn around.
"Right here."
I stand frozen there for a second. Jordan is just staring at me with this odd look on his face. What did he see?
*** JORDAN ***
I never realized Jenn was such an interesting character. We have much in common and she is really hot. I think we must have talked for a good 30 or so minutes. It was just nice casual chatter about nothing in particular. But throughout our conversation I keep glancing over at Noah who is just sitting there looking miserable. I can't believe he didn't even come up to me yet and wish me a happy birthday. What was the point of coming here then? Ah, but of course he didn't come for me. I notice him get up and make his way to the back. Shortly after Sebastian gets up and follows him. He came for him.
I excuse myself from Jenn to go to the washroom. I really do need to go - and I wasn't trying to spy on anyone. I make my way to the back where I see Noah and Sebastian on the balcony. The two just seem to be standing there. Sebastian moves closer to Noah and I swear it looks like he grabs his hand. I can't really tell because his back is now blocking my view - but for an instant it really seems like he was holding Noah's hand. But that doesn't make any sense - why would they be holding hands?
The moment is broken by Jenn calling out to Noah.
"Hey, Noah, where have you been?" She says.
"Right here." He says turning around. As his body shifts I swear it seems like he unlocked his hand from Sebastian's grip. I realize I am gawking at him and quickly walk into the washroom.
I keep replaying the image of Noah and Sebastian together. I swear it looks like he was holding his hand? But why? That makes no sense. You know what - it doesn't matter - it's none of my business. I'm not here to focus on Noah - I am here to live life. Things are going very well with Jenn and who knows it might actually develop into something. The thing is why do I keep paying attention to what Noah does? He just looks so miserable. Clearly something is bugging him and has been for the last few days. Even though I come off mad I still do care. Perhaps because of how much he helped me. I really still do want to help him. The only thing is he doesn't even seem to care. He's clearly got everything he needs with Sebastian. Forget it - just focus on Jenn.
I spend the next couple of minutes talking to other friends who have made it to the party. A number of my volleyball team members tell me how they miss me on the team and can't wait till I come back. During the whole time I am talking to them I keep looking over at Jenn and Noah. The two are sitting down talking to one another. A number of times I catch Jenn's attention and I smile at her. She smiles back. A few moments later she gets up and heads my way.
"Hey Jordan, Noah and I are going to take off. It was nice talking to you - have a happy birthday."
"You're not leaving so soon are you?"
"Yeah I have an early morning and so does Noah so we should get going."
"But I was really enjoying getting to know you better. Couldn't you stay for a little longer?"
She looks back at Noah who is just sitting on the coach. "Ah, I guess we could for another 10 minutes."
"Great."
We make our way back to the spot where Noah is.
"Hey Noah," I say. At least I won't be petty.
"Hey Jordan, happy birthday."
"Thanks man."
Instead of sitting on the empty chair - I sit right beside Jenn. I notice the irritation in Noah's eyes and it just fuels me further. Something inside me feels better seeing him in angst. I start talking to Jenn again while Noah just sits there in silence. He barely says two words. You would think he was just a rock statue sitting there. He barely even blinks.
The time ticks away and slowly many people start to leave. However, I remain seated talking to Jenn the whole time.
"Um, oh my - it's already 1 o'clock Jordan! We've been talking for hours. Where did Noah go? Where did everyone else go?"
"Most of the guests have left - there was another party going on so they went there. You know how it is - once the liquor dries up - so too does the crowd. As for Noah I don't know - he disappeared a while ago." I had noticed him get up and leave but I wasn't sure where he had gone off to.
"Oh, we were going to walk home together."
"I'll walk with you."
"That's so sweet of you. Thanks. Do you mind just grabbing my coat for me?"
"Sure, where is it?"
"It's the black one. I left it in one of the rooms - the first on the left or right - I don't remember."
"Yeah be back in a second."
Tonight is going really well. I had met up with some old friends, made some new ones, and gotten back at Noah for the way he acted towards me. But besides him - I had met Jenn and everything was going very well.
Okay now which rooms was it? All the doors are closed. I walk towards the door on the right and try to open it but it seems like it's jammed. I nudge on the door a little bit and it swings open. I look up and stop dead in my tracks. I have no idea what to make of the scene playing out in front of me.
"Ah, sorry." I quickly close the door. I try the other room and find her jacket.
This time I'm sure of what I saw. Why were Sebastian and Noah ... it makes no sense. What the hell was that?
By the time I get into the living room Noah and Sebastian are out of the room and standing there as well. Noah doesn't meet my eyes and moves closer to Jenn. Sebastian however just stands there like nothing had ever happened.
"Hey Jordan," Jenn says. "Noah is still here so I should be okay. It was nice meeting you again. Perhaps next time we meet we won't literally bump into each other for a third time."
I look at Noah and Sebastian. Live life Jordan. Live it now. "I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight. If you don't mind could I call you sometime to take you out somewhere?"
"I would love that."
Noah's face turns white as I ask Jenn out. I can see anger forming on his brow. I know this sounds horrible but it actually makes me feel good. Take that jerk. But even within the anger I sense sadness in his face. It's subtle and slowly starts to sink in. I actually start to feel bad. Jenn hands me a piece of paper and I tuck it into my pocket.
"I'll call you soon. Bye."
And with that the two of them leave.
*** NOAH ***
I was sure Jordan didn't see anything suspicious. Sebastian and I were just standing there. Our hands were clearly blocked by our bodies. But why did he seemed so shocked? Something just didn't seem right. Well good thing he makes his way into the washroom. I take the chance to grab Jenn and move back into the living room.
"Hey, do you want to take off?" I ask her.
"Why? It's so early and I'm having a good time. Aren't you?"
"Not really. I'm kind of tired and I have to get up early tomorrow."
"But you've barely even talked to anyone. Have you even talked to Jordan and wished him a happy birthday?"
"Ah, not yet."
"What are you waiting for?"
"Nothing. Jenn let's just go. Don't you have to be up early tomorrow too?"
"Yeah I do. Okay fine - let's go. I'm just going to say bye to Jordan. Are you going to come with me?"
"You go I'll catch up with you in a second."
She walks over to Jordan and starts talking to him. She glances back at me and I have a feeling we aren't going anywhere. Great - now the two of them are making their way over to me.
"Hey Noah," Jordan says.
"Hey Jordan, happy birthday."
"Thanks man."
"We'll go in a bit - just 10 more minutes, okay?" Jenn says.
"Fine."
I'm expecting Jordan to sit on the adjacent chair but instead he plops down right beside Jenn. The two sure seem cozy together. They start talking to one another like they have known each other their whole lives. He's being extra chummy with her. I don't know what his end game is - but it's annoying the hell out of me. The two clearly don't realize I am still here. He starts to flirt with Jenn quite flamboyantly. Every time he does he seems to look at me to make sure I heard what he said. Whenever they laugh I feel nauseated. Midway through their conversation I get up and walk away.
Most of the people have now left the party. It's just down to a few staggering souls. I see Sebastian cleaning up so I join him.
"Do you need any help?"
"Sure, that would be great."
I grab a bag and start throwing in paper cups and plates and all the other crap people have left behind.
"So you weren't enjoying the conversation?" He asks me.
"Yeah it was too exhilarating for me so I got up and left. The two don't even seem to realize I'm gone."
"So what's your plan for tomorrow?"
"I don't know - I didn't really have any plans. Studying I guess."
"You really know how to live life don't you?"
"Well mid-terms are coming up so ... "
"So your free tomorrow?"
"I never said that."
A smile comes across his face.
"What?" I ask him.
"Nothing." But he still is grinning. It's like he knows something but doesn't want to tell me.
"Clearly your grinning for a reason."
"Can't a guy just smile for no reason."
"No."
"Fine, I was thinking of surprising you tomorrow. You know sweep you off your feet and give you a fun day out of town - just as friends of course - unless, you want to be more than friends ... "
"I'm not sure, people might think ... "
"Forget what people say - and will skip town - go somewhere North where no one will know us. What do you think?"
"I ... "
"Hey," John interrupts. "I'm going to go throw out all the garbage to the dumpster - here pass me those. Be back in 5."
By now almost everyone has gone. Still Jordan and Jenn are talking to one another - oblivious to the outside world.
"Come with me," Sebastian says.
I follow him to his room where he locks the door behind him.
"Can I ask you something?" I say.
"Anything," he says sitting down onto the bed. He leans back - his hands on both sides of the bed. His t-shirt stretches against his chest, clearly showing off his defined pecs. His arms are snuggled agianst his biceps which look like little hills on his arms. Holy shit he is a catch. He pats a spot beside the bed, telling me to sit beside him.
"If we were to - ah you know - get together - what would that mean?"
"That would mean I am the happiest guy in the world. But seriously, I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to ask me."
"Like would it be open or secretive?"
"Well that depends on a lot of things. If I were with someone that I truly felt like I could be with long term than I think I would be open about it. If it's just a fling than I guess it would be secretive. As I've said I think of you as more than a fling so it would be up to you."
"So if no one knew and we could never be together in public you would be okay with that?"
"I don't want to hide what I feel for you - but if that's what it takes at first - than yes. Eventually though I would hope you would come to realize you're happy and want to be out to the world. As I say - I will give you the time you need."
"You seem too real to be true."
"Perhaps I am. Perhaps I am a figment of your imagination."
"I'm not that crazy - well not yet. Can I ask you something else."
He leans forward and takes my hand in his. He stares deep into my eyes and says, "you can ask me whatever you'd like."
"How did you come to know you're gay and not bi?"
"That's a tough question. I feel like I'm being grilled here tonight. The way I see it humans are sexual beings. We are attracted by different people and that level can change depending on the person. So there are some girls I find attractive - they are good looking - but it's not enough for me. Realizing that they weren't real attractions took some time and it wasn't an easy hurdle to go over. It's a lot to admit to yourself. I guess it took me some time to really truly open up to myself that I like guys more than I like girls."
"Oh."
"Look Noah," he says firmly holding onto my hands, "these are just terms that we try to label ourselves with. Does it really make a difference in the end? Will saying you're bi over saying your gay make you any more happy? You very well could be sexually attracted to girls - and that's fine. But I think what you need to concretely determine in your head is if you like guys in a sexual way."
"I think so ... "
"You think so. Okay - well let's just see here." He leans forward and starts whispering sweet nothings in my ear. He describes how he wants to kiss me - hold me - make love to me. "If I could have you right now, right here Noah, I would worship your body. I would make sure you felt pleasure like you've never felt pleasure before."
His words send a rush through my body. I close me eyes and picture myself with Sebastian - his arms around me - mine around his. He continues to describe in detail what he would love to do with me and my body. I don't even realize it but swiftly he moves his hand down to my jeans, and places his hand alongside my fully erect dick. "Well here's your proof."
The door suddenly nudges open. I don't have much time to react. Jordan is standing there just looking at us. Sebastian and I are sitting on the bed next to one another, his hand visibly on my dick.
"Ah, sorry," he says closing the door.
"I should go." I say getting up. Both of us make are way to the living room.
"Ready to go Noah?" Jenn asks me.
"Yeah - I'm ready." I say.
By this time Jordan comes back into the living room with Jenn's coat.
"Hey Noah is still here so I should be okay. It was nice meeting you again Jordan. Perhaps next time we meet we won't literally bump into each other for a third time." Jenn says.
Jordan shoots a glance at Sebastian and I and then looks back at Jenn. "I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight. If you don't mind could I call you sometime to take you out somewhere?" he says.
"I would love that." Jenn responds.
Now he's after the only friend I have. A wave of anger shoots over me. It's replaced by sadness a moment late. I realize it's the final nail in the coffin. It will never be.
"I'll call you soon. Bye." says Jordan.
Sebastian nods in my direction and mouths the words "Call me."
And with that Jenn and I leave.
My heart is racing when I get out of the apartment. I don't know what Jordan saw or what he would make of it. Sebastian was whispering into my ear and stroking my dick - clearly that doesn't seem like two straight guys hanging out.
"So did you have fun?" Jenn asks me.
Okay - just relax. "It was kind of boring. I didn't really know anyone - and the only person I did - ditched me."
"I didn't ditch you - Jordan and I were just talking. I can see now why you hang out with him. He's so funny and wow is he ever hot."
"Why did you say to Jordan you hoped not to literally bump into him again? "
"Oh Thursday after the two of us had class we literally ran into each other."
So she saw Jordan when I was supposed to be meeting with him. That explains how she knew I lied. Okay, try to change the subject.
"So what are you plans for tomorrow?"
"Wait a second - you told me you were meeting with Jordan - but you weren't. When I asked him he said you met earlier in the day. Who were you meeting Noah?"
"No one."
"Spill it. Whose the girl?"
"It's nothing right now so I didn't want to talk about it. If it materializes into something I'll tell you then." I decide tonight is not the best night to tell Jenn everything that is going on.
"Fine, be mysterious. I won't tell you anything when Jordan takes me out either."
"You're not going out with him."
"Ah, excuse me? Who said I wasn't? If he calls I am so going to say yes."
"He's a jerk - don't waste your time on him." He wasn't genuine. I saw the look on his face - he's a user and he would use Jenn just the way he used me.
"Since when? You seemed to be all friendly with him just a few days ago?"
"Look - as your friend I am asking you not to go out with him."
"Give me a concrete reason why and I won't - but until then ... "
"Jenn, for our friendship - please just say no to him."
"You're being unreasonable Noah."
"You know what - if you want to make dumb decisions then fine do it. Just leave me out of it." I turn around and walk off in the opposition direction. First he messes with my head and now my friends. I thought Jenn was my best friend and would never ditch me. But clearly I'm wrong - she shows her true colours after all. Our friendship is worth less than some guy she just got to know tonight.
There really is only one person who really cares. It's time to face the music and live life. I take out my phone and dial a number.
"Hey Sebastian."
"Hey Noah I'm glad you called. About tonight ... "
"Sebastian," I cut him off, "I have an answer for you ... "
To be continued ...
Who should Noah be with? Should he say yes to Sebastian or should be wait it out for Jordan? Let me know what you think at mr_e08@hotmail.com. I'm curious to know what people think.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Ethan.