The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.
--- Comments and feedback always welcome at mr_e08@hotmail.com. Thanks to the talented Lisa for editing this story.
Enjoy,
Ethan.
------------- Chapter 27 -------------
*** JORDAN ***
I couldn't concentrate at all last night. I went back home and watched something with Brody. I have no idea what it was or who was in it. My mind just wasn't there. My brain was clouded. All I could think about was Noah. He came. He came for me. I ... I never would have expected it. After Brody left I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. Again, all I thought about was Noah. I kept thinking if Brody was right. Did Noah come here to get back together? Or was this just about being friends? I couldn't answer the question. The problem, I realized, was that nothing has changed. He still isn't out. Even if he said he wants to get back together, what would I say? Would I tell him that I still love him? Or would I tell him I can't go back into the closet?
After an hour of tossing and turning I called Aiden. It rang, and rang, rang and then went to his voicemail. I sent him a text instead. "Guess who came to visit me today? Noah. Call me!" But he didn't. Bastard!
And so I kept thinking. At some point in time I realized no matter what happens, I want to be Noah's friend. I don't want him out of my life. I know a few months ago I was adamant that I couldn't be friends with Noah. It made no sense. How could I just be his friend and see him every day and not remember what we had? How could we just pretend like we were never something more than just acquaintances? But now, having him here, having him help, I realized I don't want him out of my life. I don't know why he came, but I know that I don't want him to leave on bad terms. Life is short, and I want to be happy. If I've learned anything from my dad's death, it's that I don't want to have any regrets. And so I texted Noah last night telling him he was going to come stay with me. He didn't respond back; he probably fell asleep.
At some point in time I finally managed to doze off. I woke up almost exactly at 7 o'clock. For some odd reason I can't seem to turn off my internal clock. I got dressed and called Noah. We're now sitting at a restaurant having breakfast. I'm telling him about John's phone call.
"Yeah, it would. John was a good friend, I don't want to lose him. Just like I don't want to lose you again," I say to him.
"I ..." He doesn't know how to respond.
"I want to apologize for the way I acted at the apartment back in April," I say.
"Apologize for what? I was the one who acted like a jerk ..."
"You did, I'm not arguing with you on that. Your timing was awful ... but now that I think about it ... what you said that night, about trying to be friends, was right. I was angry and didn't see that then. I was too hard on you. But you coming here and calling ... you really showed me that you care, and that you are a true friend. You know, so many people called me and offered advice when they heard about my dad ... but it was you, and only you who really got through to me. Not even Aiden was as helpful. Clearly we have a special bond between us and it would be a shame to let that die. Plus, you've moved on, and I've moved on. We're not the same people we were back then. So what I'm trying to say is, if you're still open to the idea, I would gladly be your friend."
"I'd really like that. I just don't want you to hate me anymore."
My eyes open wide. I'm completely taken aback by his remark. "I don't hate you, Noah."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did."
"But I don't. Why in the world would you think that?"
"For what I did."
"Look, I was angry before about the breakup, but now I understand why you did what you did. Family is important to you, I get that. I can't fault you for having the parents you do. On the other hand, I actually should thank you."
"First you're apologizing, now thanking me, I don't get you, Jordan. What do you have to thank me for? Being an ass?"
"I have you to thank for helping me realize there is so much more to me than I knew. You helped me become comfortable in my own skin, to not fear loving another man. My relationship with Brody now ... and any other man after that ... I have you to thank. Without you, I don't know if I would've ever gone down this path ... or if I would've ever taken that risk at all."
"So you're thanking me for making you gay?" he says with a smile.
"That's exactly what I'm doing."
"Yet, I'm the one who stayed in the closet."
"We each have to make our own choices."
"We do."
"I honestly hope you're happy with the decision you made," I say.
He pauses. "I'm learning to be."
What does that mean, he is learning to be? It sounds so depressing. "I know this may not be my place, and forgive me if I've gone too far, but ... have you dated any girls?"
"I have."
"Are you seeing someone right now?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."
"Thank you. Are you happy with Brody?"
Am I happy with him? He's a nice guy, but is he the one? No. He's just a guy I'm seeing for now, a place holder until I find someone like you. That's what I should say to Noah. But I don't. "I know you hate him, but he's a good guy. He has a good heart."
"I never said I hated him!" he protests.
"Of course not," I say to annoy him. "Alright, no more serious talk for the day. You are here for just a short time, let's spend it having fun."
"Sure."
After breakfast we take off to see the city. We go to the Old Port, the part of downtown by the river. It has a very older European feel to it. It is one of my most favourite places in the city. We walk along the streets, catch a few buskers performing, and simply enjoy the day. The time just flies by. We talk about nonsense the whole time. I've never found it hard to talk to him. I can be myself. I can say stupid things, act like a dork. I don't need to filter myself. I like the way I feel when I am around him. The conversation just flows on endlessly.
"Can you already believe it is mid-July?" I ask him.
"No, the summer has just flown by."
"Yeah ... just about six more weeks until school starts again. You looking forward to it? Wait, of course you are nerd boy."
"Seeing how you get As in everything, I find it odd you always call me nerd boy. But yes, I am. I feel like I could go back to a regular routine. Plus I miss having Jenn around. Life is just so much quieter without her."
"She is a loud one. It's your final year. Nervous?"
"I'm not really nervous, but I guess I have to start getting serious, as my dad tells me all the time."
"Still thinking about applying for your master's degree?"
"I am. I'm just starting to research schools to see which ones are good, and what the application process is. I was also thinking of maybe taking a year off, travelling, maybe working abroad, and then coming back and applying the following year."
"That would be amazing, a year off. Where would you go?"
"I don't know. Maybe London, or Australia, who knows. It's just a random thought, nothing actually serious. I doubt I'll do it. That's just me fantasizing. What about you? You're going into third year. Excited?"
"I wouldn't say excited. It's pretty much all core courses now, so my workload is going to increase by a lot, which is never fun. Also, you shouldn't just dismiss your traveling idea. It could be a great opportunity. If I didn't have two years to go, and then I hope med school after that, I would seriously consider it."
"It's just a thought for now. We'll see."
After exploring the city on foot for several hours we decide to head back home. Sitting in the car, the windows rolled down, at one point a Taylor Swift song comes on the radio. I turn the volume up a notch. Then I start to beat my hands against the steering wheel, as I start to sway with the music. Noah can see what's coming.
"Oh great!"
"You know you want to!" I say.
"I'm okay," he says laughing.
I start to sing. "Nice to meet you. Where you been? I could show you incredible things ... Come on! Join in!"
He just looks at me like I am totally mad. "I'm okay."
Well, his loss. I keep singing. We come to a stop at a red light and a car pulls up next to us. There is an elderly lady sitting in the passenger's seat. She turns my way to hear the commotion and smiles. So I start singing to her, complete with over the top hand gestures. "Got a long list of ex-lovers. They'll tell you I'm insane. Cause you know I love the players. And you love the game!"
Noah just sinks into his seat and covers his face. "You are insane."
*** NOAH ***
We get home around seven in the evening. His mom arrives a few minutes after us.
"Hey, you two," she says as she walks into the kitchen with a bunch of grocery bags. "How was your day?"
"It was good," Jordan says taking the bags from her.
"This is an absolutely lovely city," I say.
"Where did you two go?" she asks.
"I took him to the Old Port, we walked around there, showed him the main shopping area. That was about it."
"Nice. I wasn't sure if you two were going to stay tonight for dinner or go out, so I picked up a bunch of stuff to make pasta. It's your choice, but dinner should be ready in about half an hour if you want to stay in."
"Ah, it's up to you," Jordan says to me. "Pasta or eat out?"
"How about instead, we make dinner, and we let your mom take a break," I say. "She did just get home after doing a 12 hour shift at work."
"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine. You two go and have fun," she says.
"It's the least I can do. You've both been so nice and helpful," I say.
"Honestly, I am fine. You're a guest, you're here to relax," my mom says.
"I'm not going to take no for an answer," I say.
"He is stubborn," Jordan says to his mom. "But he does cook well. His chicken penne pasta is actually really good."
She looks hesitant. "This feels so wrong. But I have heard wonderful things about your cooking."
So he told his mom about my cooking. "Honestly, it will be our pleasure," I say.
"Okay, if you need anything let me know," she says. "I'm just going to go change then."
"Alright, let's get started. Um, where are the pots and pans?" I ask.
"Right over here," Jordan says opening up a cupboard.
"Grab that pot. No, the one underneath. No, the one that is a giant pot. Yeah, that one."
"Here you go."
"And that skillet as well."
"Here," he says passing me what clearly isn't a skillet.
I just stare at him. "This is a saucepan."
"I knew that. I was just testing you." He puts it away and passes me a skillet this time.
"Okay ... and spices. Where does your mom keep those?"
"That I know. Right here," he says opening up a cabinet by the stove.
"I'll need salt, pepper, basil, red chilli power ... also some garlic ... " I lost him after pepper.
"Um ... How about you just grab what you want."
I shake my head. "You are a sad person. I'll start on the chicken. Can you boil the water for the pasta and grind the cheese in the meantime?"
"That I can!"
I start to make the chicken while he gets the other stuff ready. He then turns to the cheese. Well, when I say he turns to the cheese what I should say is he starts to eat the cheese! He eats more than he grinds. "Dude! Stop eating it all! I need some to actually put in the pasta!"
"I barely had any!" he says stuffing his mouth.
"Give me that!" I say taking the bowl from him. "Can you pass me a strainer?" He just looks at me. "Oh, for God's sake! You know what a strainer is, don't you?"
"Yes. I just don't know where it is ..."
"You do live here right?" I ask him. "Or, is this also the first time you've been in this kitchen?"
"Ha, ha, ha. Look at me, I'm so funny," he says sarcastically. "Let me go and ask my mom." He returns a minute later.
"You are the worst kitchen helper ever," I say. "I hope you know that."
"I'm awesome and you know it. I'm going to go and put some music on. Maybe that'll make you less cranky," he says.
"I'm not cranky!" Maybe just a bit.
"Sure, buddy."
He slowly dips his hand into the bowl of grated cheese, takes a fist full and brings it to his lips. He starts eating it with his mouth open. "Nom, nom, nom."
"Have some more." I take a few strands out and flick them into his face.
"Now who's wasting cheese," he says smiling at me.
"Go put on some music!" I say waving him off.
He turns on the radio. The song `All About that Bass' by Meghan Trainor is playing. I like the song. But what makes it really interesting is when Jordan starts dancing and singing along.
"Because you know I'm all about that bass. Bout that bass, no treble. I'm all about that bass. Bout that bass, no treble!"
I just look at him and laugh. "Didn't you already embarrass yourself in front of that old lady?"
He just keeps singing. "I'm bringing booty back! Go 'head and tell them skinny bitches that ..."
Jordan stops when he hears his mom clearing her throat. He turns around to see her standing by the door. "I thought I would see how things were coming along, or if you two needed help."
"I'm okay," I say. "The food should be ready in a few minutes. But I can't speak for your son ... he may need some help."
"Oh, don't worry about him. It's too late. The doctor said he was just born that way."
Jordan's mouth drops. I start laughing out loud. "Wow. Dude, you just got burned by your own mom!"
"Whatever, you guys just can't appreciate talent when you see it," he says turning off the radio.
"How about you use that talent to set the table?" I say.
"Maybe I just will."
The three of us talk while we wait for the food to be done. Jordan's mom is funny; she has a good sense of humour.
"Jordan mentioned you were a good cook, but this is excellent," she says when we sit down to eat.
"Thanks, I'm okay I guess. It would've been better if Jordan hadn't eaten all the cheese!"
"Oh, I should have warned you. Never get Jordan to grind cheese. He eats most of it," she says.
"Make sure you ask him for his mac and cheese recipe," Jordan says to her. She gives him a stern look. "What? It's always so creamy and cheesy."
"Anything else?" his mom asks him.
"Nope. Don't worry, I still love your cooking too Mom!"
"You know, you should learn how to cook from Noah. It will save me a lot of time."
"Oh, I tried to teach him, but it was a disaster," I say.
"It wasn't that bad!" he says in his defence.
"Do I need to tell your mom about the time you tried to boil rice?"
"They were perfectly fine!" he says.
"What did he do?" his mom asks.
"He made one cup of rice, but pretty much filled the entire pot with water."
"In my defence, it was still edible."
"It was mush!"
"Delicious mush!" he says laughing.
"Well at least you got him to try, that is more than I can say I've ever managed," his mom says.
*** JORDAN ***
After we're done eating I clear the table.
"Thank you for a wonderful meal," my mom says to Noah.
"It was my pleasure."
"I helped too, you know!" I interject. I really did nothing.
"So you'll be able to make it for me next time?" she asks me.
"Um ... we'll see. If I feel like it." I have no idea what he did. I really wasn't paying attention.
"Why don't you two go and relax, and I'll clean the kitchen," my mom says.
"Don't worry about it, we'll handle it. Besides Jordan made most of the mess. Let's go, buddy," Noah says hitting me in the arm.
"I can't make you cook and clean now," she says.
"You're not. I'll make sure he does all the work," Noah says pointing to me.
"We'll be okay, Mom," I say to her.
"Soap or wash?" he says to me.
"I'll soap. You wash."
We stand next to each other by the sink. The area isn't huge; our arms keep hitting each other constantly. Of course I just hit him to bug him too.
"Your mom is really nice. And stop that!" he says when I hit him in the arm.
"I think she likes you more than me!" I reply.
"I'm a likeable guy," he responds.
"Thanks for doing all this," I say.
"I didn't do anything. And stop thanking me. Friends don't thank each other."
"I know, but still. Friends don't fly so far and then come and cook too! Plus, today has been a lot of fun. You've kept my mind occupied the whole time."
"You'd do the same for me, I'm sure ... well, except the cooking part. Please don't cook for me."
"So, you in the mood for some dessert?"
He drops the pot he's holding in his hands into the sink. "Crap!" He starts to fumble.
Of course! It hits me a few seconds later. Sometimes we used to refer to dessert as sex. Shit! "We have ice cream I think, or we can go grab something," I quickly say.
"It doesn't matter."
"Okay, we'll go out," I say. I hit him in the arm again so to change the subject.
"Don't make me throw water on you, cause you know I'll do it!"
When we're done washing he starts drying the dishes while I put everything away.
"You know, I just realized something," I say to him.
"What's that?"
"How did you know where I live?"
"Aiden told me. I was planning on sending flowers, and so I asked him for your address."
"Oh, that makes sense. That's been bugging me for a while now."
"The great mystery solved."
"So you messaged him after you found out about my dad?" I ask.
"No, Aiden's the one who actually told me."
"Aiden told you? I assumed Jenn told you."
"She messaged me as well, but I didn't get it right away. Aiden messaged first."
"Oh, I didn't know you two were still speaking."
"We haven't been. That was actually the first time I heard from him."
"Oh, cool. So after he messaged you, you decided to call me then."
"That's correct."
Huh. Interesting. Now I'm curious. "Did he suggest you call me or was that your idea?"
He pauses. "He suggested it."
"Oh. Okay." Interesting. I wonder why Aiden would do that.
"I hope you're not angry with him."
"No, no. I just find that interesting. Anyway, back to more important things. Dessert. I know just the place. They have the best waffles and ice cream. Let's go!"
*** NOAH ***
I remember when I was dating Jordan I used to make a big deal of us being seen together in public. I always thought people would notice two guys hanging out together for dinner, or a movie, and they would know we were a couple. I was an idiot. Here we are, sitting down, having dessert, and no one seems to care. We are just two guys, two friends, having a good time. It makes me realize I wasted so many good opportunities with him.
"These are really good waffles," I say to him.
"Told you. I love this place. But my waist hates it. I'm gaining weight."
"No you're not. You look like you actually lost weight!" I say to him.
"No. I've been eating so poorly, and barely going to the gym. I haven't been in a week!"
"Well, you were a bit busy," I say to him.
"Yeah, I guess. I'll start going back this week."
"Just be careful on the treadmill, okay?" I say to him.
"Oh, right. I forgot about that."
"I'm never going to let you forget!" The second time I met Jordan was at the gym. He was on the treadmill. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and was running like a mad man. When he turned and saw me next to him he tripped and fell and sprained his ankle. In many ways, that was what started our friendship.
"Well, as long as you don't jump out of nowhere, I'll be okay. Actually, I am such an idiot, the last time I was there ..." His phone starts to ring. "Hang on a second. I should take this."
He gets up and walks away. I'm assuming it's Brody. Oh Brody, why do you have to exist? I grab my phone to text Jenn. I've been sending her messages back and forth all day about how my trip is going. She still thinks I should tell him, but I disagree. I think Jordan was clear about being friends, and he has moved on. There isn't a point. He is happy this way, why ruin it?
"Sorry about that," Jordan says coming back to the table a few minutes later. "It was Brody. He just wanted to see how things were going."
"Don't worry about it. So you were telling me about something you did at the gym?"
"Oh, yeah. I almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot! It was so close."
"You really need to be more careful."
"Yeah, I do. If I break my foot again who will be there to take care of me this time?" he says.
Awkward. "I'll send Jenn. You'll be better in no time."
"Ha! Probably ... You know I was thinking, and sorry to go back to this again ... I'm just curious. If Aiden hadn't asked you to call ... would you have?"
He's still on this? Clearly it is a big deal to him. "Um ... I don't know. When he suggested it, my first thought was that it probably wasn't a good idea. I wanted to, but I just felt because of the way we left things, it wouldn't be appropriate. You were already down, I didn't want to make things worse, you know?"
"Yeah, no, I get that. So then what made you change your mind?"
"Aiden did. He said you would be fine, and happy to hear from me. And I guess he was right."
"He was. Did he suggest you come here too?"
"No, that was me. I had been thinking of going to visit Jenn, and so when I heard about your dad, I figured I would just come sooner and see you along the way." I lie about that. It sounds plausible enough.
"That makes sense. Anyway, you ready to go?"
"I am."
"Let's hit the road then," he says.
On the way back to his house he seems distracted. He is still talking, but his mind seems somewhere else. Or maybe we have run out of things to talk about. So we sit silently, listening to the radio. At one point in time the Ellie Goulding song from the movie `Fifty Shades of Grey' comes on. Jordan moves his hand to change the dial. It's an awkward song for ex-lovers to listen to. But I beat him to it. Instead of changing it, I turn up the volume. He looks my way, one eyebrow raised. If I'm going to do this, might as well make it as weird as possible.
"You're the light, you're the night. You're the colour of my blood," I start singing. "You're the cure, you're the pain. You're the only thing I wanna touch." Of course I touch myself awkwardly when I sing that.
"What's gotten into you?"
"Nothing. Just enjoying the music."
We come to a stop at a red light. Two girls, probably our age, are in the lane next to us. The air conditioning is on, but I roll down the window.
"So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do. Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do." As I sing I make dramatic hand gestures. The two girls look our way. I turn to Jordan. "Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do. What are you waiting for?"
He smiles. "Oh what the heck. Fading in, fading out. On the edge of paradise ..."
I look at the two girls. Both are laughing. They must think we are insane. I wave to them as we drive off.
"Now who is crazy!?" Jordan says looking my way.
"Oh, it's still you."
"Interesting song choice."
"Why? It seems like a perfectly normal song two male friends would sing."
"Of course," he says smiling. He's back.
*** JORDAN ***
By the time we get home we are both utterly exhausted. We decide to watch something on Netflix, but neither of us can stay awake. Noah starts to fall asleep on the couch.
"Okay, buddy. Time to go to bed," I say.
"What?" he says startled. "I'm awake."
"You were sleeping on the couch. Go to bed."
"Okay. Sorry, I'm still a bit jet lagged."
"Don't worry about it. Let's go." I show Noah where the guest room is. It's the room next to mine. It's actually an office, but there is a bed there too. "If you need anything, help yourself. There is an extra blanket and pillow in the closet. Feel free to take it if you need it."
"I'm okay, thanks. I'm just going to go brush my teeth and then go to bed."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"See you tomorrow."
I head downstairs. I'm tired, but I know I won't be able to sleep. Besides, I promised Aiden I would call him later. He messaged me back when I was at breakfast with Noah. He was completely surprised. I said we would talk later. It's a beautiful night, so I decide to head outside. I figure this way I can talk to Aiden with ease and not worry that Noah will overhear. The walls are thin.
"Hey, Jordan."
"Hey, man. How are you?"
"I'm okay. How are you doing?"
"I'm alright," I say
"I hear you have an unexpected visitor."
"I do. He's sleeping in the guest room."
"Oh. He's staying with you as well?"
"Yeah. He had booked a hotel room, but I convinced him to come stay here," I say.
"How long is he there for?" Aiden asks.
"He leaves tomorrow."
"Oh. So, what's the story exactly?"
"He came for the funeral but missed it, so he came to my place instead. We started talking and then Brody showed up."
"Did he know who Brody was? I figured Jenn would have told him."
"No, she didn't. We agreed a while back that she wouldn't talk about Noah's dating life with me, and about my dating life with Noah. We figured that would be the best. It seems like she stuck to it."
"Oh, gotcha. Makes sense. So you must have been surprised to see him."
"I was. I didn't expect it at all ... it was completely out of the blue."
"And how did you feel?"
"So many things, Aiden. So many mixed emotions. The first thing I wanted to do was hug him. I've missed him a lot. But at the same time, I remembered all that pain, and so I kept my distance. But then we started spending time together and ... all of the other stuff melted away. He told me you asked him to call me."
"I did. I hope you're not angry."
"I'm not. But I am curious why you asked him."
"When I called you I realized how down you were. I tried talking to you, but I knew it wasn't helping. I knew how close you were to Noah, and that you shared a lot with him ... so I figured, maybe, he could help. Clearly, he did."
"He did ... But was that all? Was it just for him to call me, or were you hoping for something else?"
He sighs. "You caught me. Yes, I thought, perhaps, if you two talked then maybe you guys could eventually get back on speaking terms. I know you miss him, and I thought this could perhaps lead you two to reconcile ... and maybe, one day get back together."
"Well it worked, we are talking."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Part of me wishes you hadn't asked him to call."
"Why?"
"Because he wouldn't have come here then."
"But I thought you were happy to see him?"
"I am. I really am. Today has been a wonderful day. I don't think I've felt so good inside, so free, so alive, in a long, long time."
"That's fantastic. What's the problem then?"
"The problem is ... the more time I spend with him ... the more I want things to go back to the way they were. This morning, I told Noah we could be friends. I thought it would be okay. If my dad's death has taught me anything, it's that life is short; there is no point in being angry. I should live my life to the fullest. So I thought, okay, I can be Noah's friend. But then actually being with him, I realized I want more. We were making pasta tonight, and we had this moment when we were close together. I was eating cheese and he flicked some in my face and ... oh my God ... honestly ... I had to refrain myself so much. All I wanted to do was just grab hold of him and kiss him right then and there. And then a few minutes later we were washing dishes in front of the sink ... and we were so close ... his body kept touching mine ... and it was driving me crazy! I'm always going to want more. Friends isn't going to be enough. And as happy as he makes me, realizing that makes me feel awful inside. It's like he will always be within reach, but every time I move forward, he moves forward too. I'm torturing my soul. But I don't want to be away from him either. I don't know what to do ..."
"Tell him all that."
"What's the point? It won't change anything," I say. "He still isn't out to his parents. He is still trying to date girls. I can't ask him and be rejected again. I did it once, and it broke my heart. I can't go through that again."
"I understand that. But you're the biggest risk-taker I know. How do you know he'll reject you?"
"I don't."
"And you won't until you try."
"You know, this whole time I thought he called on his own."
"What difference does that make if I told him, or if he decided on his own? He called in the end, that's what matters."
It does matter though. "I thought he had realized his mistake, and maybe it was coming from him. But I was wrong. He did it because of you."
"But he came there on his own. I didn't tell him to do that. So you have to give him some credit," he says.
Perhaps. "Why is life so fucking hard, man?"
"If it was so easy, life would be boring."
"But it doesn't need to be this difficult either."
"True. So what are you going to do? Are you going to talk to him?"
"I don't know. I need to think about it."
*** NOAH ***
I didn't sleep at all last night. Even though I was super tired, I couldn't fall back asleep. My mind just kept thinking about the wonderful day I had with Jordan. The day was perfect. I don't remember feeling so good, feeling so carefree in the past few months. All day, I kept wondering if I should tell Jordan. I came here to do that, but I didn't know about Brody. The two seem like they really like each other. And as Jordan said, we can be friends. He laid the cards out on the table right away. He was even pushing me to consider going to Europe next year. Clearly he has moved on, and is telling me I should too. I'm not going to get a second chance.
"Good morning. You're up early," Jordan's mom says when she walks downstairs.
The time is six a.m. His mom is wearing her scrubs, which means she is probably off to work.
"I'm a bit jet lagged."
"Would you like something to eat? Or some tea?"
"Some tea would be nice, thank you."
"Sure. Would you like some eggs or anything else?"
"No, I am okay, thanks. I'm just going to go wash up."
I go to brush my teeth and wash my face. By the time I walk into the kitchen my tea is sitting in a mug on the table.
"The sugar and milk are on the table. I wasn't sure how much you wanted," she says.
"Thank you."
"What's the plan for today?"
"Not much. My bus leaves in a few hours."
"You came for too short a time. You should come back again soon."
"I'll try," I say. I don't think that will happen.
"This home is always open; you're welcome to come back whenever you want."
"Thank you, that's very kind of you."
"It was nice of you to come for Jordan. I think it really helped him a lot. This was the first time in months I've seen him like this. It feels like he's finally back to his normal self."
What does she mean `finally back to his normal self'? I thought he had moved on? "It was my pleasure. It was good to see him again."
"You should tell him before you go," she says.
Tell him what? She can't possibly know. There is no way. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"You should tell him that you still love him."
"I ..."
"I see the way you look at him. The way you smile when he walks into a room."
"He's moved on ... he has Brody now."
"Do you see that deck outside?" she asks while pointing at the back door. "He spent day and night building it. Then he started to build that shed in the corner. Do you know why?"
"No."
"To distract himself from thinking about you."
He built that to distract himself from thinking about me? "I didn't know that."
"He hasn't moved on. You weren't just any relationship to him. He still loves you too."
He hasn't moved on? Is she saying what I think she is? Is she telling me to go for it? "I ..." I don't know what to say.
"I know this is not my place to be saying this. Jordan told me about your parents and why you broke up, and I understand. But, you only find your soul mate once. And something tells me you two are meant to be together. You've had such a profound impact on Jordan. He has matured in so many ways this year. When you two were together, he was the happiest I've ever seen him. Even last night, seeing you two together in the kitchen, the way Jordan's face lit up when you were around him ... I've never seen him like that before. And from what I can tell, you haven't been happy without him either."
How did she know? "How did you know that?"
"When you asked me about the photo yesterday. The way you reacted when I told you what I said when I saw the picture ... your facial expression changed. You looked broken. Your eyes looked full of pain. I could tell something was wrong."
"I was remembering my mom's reaction when she saw the same picture." What's the point of hiding it?
"You told them?"
"Yeah. My mom's reaction was nothing like yours. She ripped up the picture."
"I'm so sorry to hear that."
"It's okay, she has a different mindset. It's just the way it is."
"In time she'll come around."
"I don't think so. She told me unless I change, there is no place in her life for me. Or, correction, there is no place for a fag in her life."
"That's awful. I know it's not the same, but you will always have a place in Jordan's heart, and mine as well."
Honestly, she has to be the best mom ever. "Thank you ... Jordan is lucky to have you."
"I'm the lucky one. Perhaps one day I'll be lucky enough to call you son as well."
And here come the tears.
*** JORDAN ***
I can't find him. Noah doesn't seem to be here anywhere. He isn't in the guest room, the family room, or the kitchen. Did he just leave without saying goodbye? I make my way through the house again. But there is no sign of him. His bag is gone; his shoes are not by the door. I can't believe he would just leave like that.
I go upstairs to grab my phone. Maybe he messaged? Nothing. I put the phone down and look out the window. Honestly, why would Noah do that? Why would he just leave? I'm so disappointed in him ... Wait. Calm down. I see him. He's sitting outside on the deck. Now I feel stupid.
I run downstairs and out the door. "Hey."
"Morning," he says. "This is a really nice deck. You did a great job."
"Thanks. I was looking for you in the house. I thought you just left without saying goodbye. Your bag and shoes are gone."
"My bag's right here. I brought it down to grab a book to read while you were sleeping. And why would I leave without saying goodbye?"
"I ... It doesn't matter. I'm glad you're still here; I wanted to talk to you about something."
"I wanted to talk to you as well, but go ahead."
How do I even start? Perhaps being straightforward is the best. "Why did you come here, Noah?"
He looks taken aback. "To pay my respects, I told you that."
"That's it? You just came back to be my friend, nothing else?"
He is silent. His face doesn't even change.
"I want to show you something," he says. He takes out his wallet and pulls something out. "Open your hand."
He places what looks like a ripped up picture in my palm. When I start to turn the pieces over I realize what it is. It's the picture I gave him on Valentine's Day.
I look back up at him. "You ripped it up?" Why did he give me this? What is he trying to say? "Why would you do that?"
"I didn't rip it up. My mom did."
Wait, what? "Your mom?"
"I told them. I told them I'm gay."
WHAT!? "You came out to your parents?" My heart starts pounding in my chest.
"And that was my mom's response."
My head may just explode. My thoughts are going in all directions. What does this mean? What does this mean for us? Is he back? Calm down. One thing at a time. His mom rejected him. It was what he feared the whole time. "Shit. I'm ... I'm so sorry to hear that, Noah."
"I told them everything. I told them I'm not going to change who I am. I told them this is who I want to be. My mom replied that there is no room for a fag in her life."
He's not going back. He's gay. He finally has accepted it. But his mom ... damn that's cold. "Fuck. Oh man ... I'm ... I don't know what to say. You don't need them. Screw them. She doesn't deserve to be in your life if she's going to act like that. I'm so proud of you for telling them." I'm about to hug him but he stops me. He puts his hand out in front.
"As for your earlier comment, no I didn't come here just to be friends. I came here for you. But, I know you're with someone else now, and I'm not going to ask you to choose, heck I don't even deserve you ... but maybe someday we can go back to the way things were. This time though, no secrets, no lies, but open to everyone as a real couple."
It's like I am on a roller coaster. My emotions are all over the place, hitting highs and lows all at the same time. He is out. He is finally out. The world knows. It's what I've wanted for so long now. And he wants me back. He wants to get back together. I ... I can't believe it. He doesn't want me to choose, but I know what I want. I've known what I've wanted since I first saw him sitting on the step in front of my house.
I step forward. In one quick motion I place my hand on his back and pull him close to me. Then, I do something I've been longing to do for so long now. I bring my lips to his. I choose him.
End of Chapter 27.
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