The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.
--- Comments and feedback are always welcome at mr_e08@hotmail.com. Also, thanks to everyone who sent feedback and to Lisa for editing this story.
Enjoy,
Ethan.
------------- Chapter 20 -------------
*** JORDAN ***
Winter has this unique beauty. Fresh, fluffy, white snow has blanketed the ground below my feet. The ice-covered tree branches are glistening as they gently sway in the chilly wind. The sky is a brilliant mirage of vibrant colours, blue, yellow, orange, pink. In the distance, perfectly framed in the centre by trees on both sides, the sun is setting on the horizon. This is the definition of picturesque.
We walk, hand-in-hand, through the park, creating a trail of footprints behind us. We're laughing, at what, I don't know. The atmosphere is just one where you have to feel content; you have to feel, well, simply alive. Noah and I are visiting a small, quaint little town for the day. We decided it would be nice to get out of the city while we are on holidays for the week. A nice way to mark four months since we've been together.
Now, we got a bit of a late start today. Last night, after we got home from the gay club was, well, intense. Intense in a very, very, very good way. I finally felt we had broken down a barrier. I don't know if it was the gay club, the dirty dancing, the strip tease, the kiss outside, or perhaps a combination of all of those, but it fired me up inside. I had this lust, this passion, this desire in me that I couldn't quench. And Noah just kept pushing me further and further. By the time we were done, we were exhausted, a mess of sweaty limbs lying on the bed. So yeah, we didn't end up leaving the city when we had originally planned. Oh well.
"It really is beautiful," I say to Noah. "I'm glad we came here."
"Me too."
As we continue walking some people come into view. Noah starts to move his hand away, but I hold on tighter.
"They'll see us," Noah mutters under his breath.
"We're out of town," I say, not letting go. I thought we were finally over this.
"Jordan, please, not right now."
I sigh and let go of his hand. So perhaps we haven't broken down the barrier. That's fine. I'm not going to dwell on it. We're still making progress. Besides, the day is just too beautiful for one to be angry. Plus, now that both of my hands are free I can do this:
"Hey," Noah yells out as I smack him with a snowball. "That hurt!"
If you have lots of snow, might as well use it, right? This is going to be fun! (Insert evil grin here).
*** NOAH ***
It seems like the rest of February went by at the speed of light. March has also been a blur. Honestly I don't know where the time is going. After reading week and our trip out of the city, we had numerous assignments, and then mid-terms, and tests, and more assignments, and more tests. It feels like the semester just started, yet, here we are, almost at the end of the month! There are only two more weeks left until exams! It's crazy how fast time is going by.
As for Jordan and I, the past few weeks have been rather ordinary; not much has happened besides being swamped with schoolwork. I've learned a little bit more about him, traits one can only pick up on when you're living together. Some of those details I would rather not have known. For instance, I didn't know Jordan likes to pick at his toenails while in bed. For a neat freak like me that is absolutely disgusting. He's working on it. It's one habit of his I am determined to change. Also, to a degree the `honeymoon' phase, as you will, has started to end too. Sure we still have a great time in bed, a really great time actually, and the lust is still there, but we're not the same, super horny sex animals we were before. I think most of that has to do with how much schoolwork we both have had to do.
Another thing that has changed is that we fight a bit more now. Nothing too serious or anything, mostly minor things which are resolved within an hour or so. I think it is only natural when you are living together. The fights range from Jordan making a mess, to spending either not enough time together, or too much time together. I think we had one big fight where Jordan actually used the bed outside. One night I was waiting for him at home to have dinner and he was a no-show. I called him, but there was no answer. He put his phone on silent and forgot. He was out with some of his friends and lost track of time. So I was pretty pissed when he got home. We fought for about a day, then made up soon after. So minor stuff really.
Oddly enough, one fight we haven't had, which I find strange, is on the status of our relationship. Jordan has been very quiet about us taking the next step and going public. I know he wants to, but he hasn't said anything, so neither have I. But I understand he wants to do more things as a couple, so tonight we're having dinner at our place with some friends. The dinner is partly for Aiden. He will be leaving in a few weeks while exams are underway. I figured we wouldn't be able to do much then because we'll be busy, so I thought it would be nice to do something now. I've come to really like Aiden. We've spent a fair bit of time together since Jordan came out to him. He is a great guy; he's down to earth, doesn't get angry and has a great sense of humour. I can see why the two of them are friends. As for dinner, the plan is to have a small intimate affair with people we know well, and who know we are a couple. So as for the guest list, that means there are only two people on it: Jenn and Aiden.
Jenn came early to help out. Of course, that means she is sitting down having a glass of wine and not helping at all. Jordan is still at school and Aiden is at work.
"So," she says to me, "did you guys get Aiden a going away gift?"
"Not yet," I reply, "still trying to figure out what to get. Besides, he doesn't leave until some time in April."
"What about the gift of a three-way?"
"What!?" I say looking up suddenly.
"You know, you, Jordan, and Aiden. I'm sure you would LOVE that, and probably Jordan would too."
I frown at her. "It's not even five in the afternoon yet and you're already drunk."
"That wasn't a no," she points out.
"No thanks, I'll pass."
"Oh come on, are you telling me you wouldn't want to see what's under Aiden's clothes?"
"Well, no I'm not saying that, he is a good looking guy ..."
"See, I knew ..."
"But that said," I say cutting her off, "that doesn't mean I want to sleep with him. Besides, I'm surprised you haven't jumped on that opportunity yet. I know you like him."
"Hmm, I'm taking a break from men," she says.
"Finally decided to join the awesome side?" I jokingly ask her.
"I'd make a fantastic lesbian, thank you very much. But no, just a break. Besides he's Jordan's friend, who is my ex, and my best friend's boyfriend, and Aiden is leaving soon to go back to Australia ... so I think it's already complicated enough without me hooking up with him."
"You're probably right."
"I'm always right, darling," she says trying to be posh, but failing miserably.
A short while later Jordan shows up and soon thereafter Aiden arrives too. The night goes just as I hoped it would. We have a nice casual dinner with lots of laughs, mainly at Jordan's expense. Good friends and good food sums it up really. After dinner we move to the family room. I sit down right next to Jordan, leaning against him. We don't act like a couple any other time but we should be able to at least in the comfort of our own home.
"So," Jenn turns to Aiden, "how did you find your experience here?"
"It was great. I had a good placement and learned a lot. I loved living in the city. Plus I got to spend time with Jordan again and meet all of you. So yeah, overall it was good."
"When do you head back to Australia?" she asks.
"Well after I'm done here, I'll go home for a bit, then off to Australia at the beginning of May," he says. "Jordan have you decided if you're going home as well?"
Jordan's summer plans have been a bit of a controversial topic. I want him to stay of course, since I have to stay as well. I had to rent out the apartment for the entire year. I think Jordan wants to stay too, but it all depends on if he can get a full-time summer job here. I can't even think about not seeing him for four whole months. That would be unbearable.
"I'm not sure yet. It all depends on what I do for the summer. If I can find work here I will stay, in which case I'll go home for a short visit right after exams. But if I don't find a job here, I might just go back home for the entire summer."
That thought makes me shudder.
"Something tells me I know who is trying to convince you to stay," Aiden says.
"Guilty as charged," I say. "I've been trying to convince him a lot ..."
"Oh, we all know how you've been trying to convince him ..." Jenn says interrupting me.
I frown at her but continue speaking: "But I understand he has to do what is best for him."
"Are you not going to go home at all?" Aiden asks me.
"I will, but right now I am not sure when," I say.
"And you Jenn, what are your summer plans?" Aiden asks her.
"I'm going back home for a bit and then going to Europe for a few weeks with my parents."
"Wow, that sounds great," he says.
"You clearly haven't met my parents then."
Aiden looks dumbfounded. He doesn't know what to say.
"It's Jenn's parents I'm worried about," I say. "She's the real handful."
"They're paying so why not!" Jenn continues.
Around midnight both Aiden and Jenn get up to leave.
"Oh, I forgot to mention, Easter Sunday is coming up. Dinner at my place. You all in?" Jenn asks.
"I'm free," Aiden chimes in.
"I'm sure we are free too," Jordan says. "What time?"
"Whenever you guys want, but I'd say around five. Oh but Noah I'll need you to come earlier around noon. I'll need some help preparing." She flashes me a very fake grin.
"Of course you will," I say. By that she means I have to do most of the work. Typical Jenn. "Have a good night guys."
"Thanks for having us," Aiden replies back.
"You should go over my suggestion with Jordan," Jenn says referring to our earlier conversation. "Night guys."
"What suggestions?" Jordan asks after he closes the door.
"Oh nothing, Jenn just had a going away suggestion for Aiden, but it is just her being crazy like usual," I say brushing off the topic. "Nothing serious."
"I want to know, what did she suggest?"
"It's just Jenn being crazy."
"Just tell me. Now I'm curious."
"It's nothing."
"Come on, now you have to tell me."
"Fine. She suggested we have a three-way," I say.
"With her?" Jordan asks with a serious face.
"With Aiden."
Jordan starts to laugh. "You know, that's not the worst idea she's ever had ..."
"Wait, what!?" He can't be serious.
"I'm joking, relax, relax. Aiden's a great guy but I'm not interested in him. Besides, he's my best friend; that would just be weird. And you're more than I can handle in bed. I'm good ... for now," he says teasing me with a smile.
"Watch it or you won't be smiling when you're sleeping on the inflatable bed. Alone." I know he is just messing with me. He better be ...
*** JORDAN ***
All right, you can do this. My legs are spread shoulder-length apart. I'm crouched, ready to pounce. You got this, you can do this. But the ball doesn't come my way. Instead, Sebastian tries to tip it over the net. And ... blocked! The ball falls to the floor on our side. Game over. And season over too. Knocked out of the tournament. Today was do or die. And unfortunately we died.
"Good game guys," I say to my teammates as we head back into the locker room. The mood is naturally quite downcast. We knew today wasn't going to be easy, but we were still optimistic.
"You guys played well this year," the coach says to us. "Obviously there is still room for improvement, but I think next year if you guys work at it we can make it to the finals. We'll meet at the end of the week to go over some admin stuff and have nominations for team positions for next year. But don't think about any of that right now. Get changed. We'll meet at the campus bar in half an hour."
"You should think about going for team captain next year," one of my teammates says to me.
Every year at our school we run for positions on our team. Usually someone nominates you and then we all vote. His comment catches most people's attention. They stop and turn our way.
"I don't know," I say. "There are lots of other guys here who would probably be better."
"You should go for it," another person says.
"Yeah man, you'd be really good at it," a third chimes in.
I notice Sebastian look my way. He graduates this year so he won't be on the team next year. That is the only silver lining in all of this; I won't have to play with him again, ever. But I know he has been grooming one of his friends to take over when he leaves.
"This year was a mess," the first teammate says to me as we exit the locker room. "Don't get me wrong, Sebastian is a great player, but he's not a good captain. He doesn't know how to build a team. And his hand-picked heir is just like him. I think you'd be good at it. And we could really use a guy like you. I'd be happy to nominate you."
"I'll think about, thanks man."
Team captain. It has a nice ring to it. Why not? The work load wouldn't be that much more. And besides, it probably would look good on my med school application too, or I hope. After the game the team goes out for a few drinks. During that time a number of my teammates come up to me and tell me I should run for captain. It looks like I have a lot of support and would likely win. Sebastian doesn't say anything but I can tell he is paying attention. I don't know why he just won't disappear now that the season is over. He is one person I definitely won't miss.
I'm back home in time for dinner with Noah. He was in the stands watching.
"Sorry, Jordan."
"That's okay," I say to him. "There is always next year."
"Absolutely. You played great. Sebastian should have passed the ball to you at the end. If only he wasn't so self-centred. I'm sure you would have gotten that point."
"Well, I can't change him, but I could take his spot next year. A few of my teammates suggested I run for team captain. I seem to have a lot of support."
"You should do it! You would be great at it."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
"I'd probably be running against Sebastian's best friend. He's already named his hand-picked successor and has been lobbying on his behalf. I know it's not the same, but winning would kind of be like beating Sebastian, which would feel so, so good."
"Then all the more reason to go for it. Captain Jordan. I like the sound of that and it gives me a good idea. I can't believe I didn't think of this before. "
"What are you up to?" I ask him. I can never trust this guy.
"Oh nothing," he says getting real close to me. "I was just thinking tonight when you come to bed perhaps you should put on that team uniform, captain," he says with a not-so-subtle wink.
Damn it. That is a good idea. Fuck. I'm horny now. Really horny. "Screw dinner. I can't wait that long. Let's go."
I grab Noah's hand and take him into the bedroom.
*** NOAH ***
That was hot. I didn't think Jordan's volleyball uniform would turn me on that much. And Jordan, he really got into it too! Seems like someone had a locker room fantasy brewing in him for all these years. I don't blame him. Hot, sweaty, half-naked guys all together in one room. I don't know how he manages to stay soft. We will definitely be trying that again. After having sex we take a nice, hot shower together. Of course that leads to a bit more fooling around. Eventually we have dinner. We're both in bed around midnight. I'm reading, while Jordan is playing a game on his phone.
My phone starts to ring. It's my mom. That's odd.
"Hey mom," I say picking up the phone. My mom usually calls me once or twice a week, but generally not this late, my time. "Yeah Easter is this weekend ... yeah I know ..." She is just reminding me again how nice it would have been if I came home for Easter. But, like I told her before a dozen times, exams are coming up so I can't.
"So I figured I'd visit you instead," she says to me.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I arrive this Thursday at two in the afternoon! Can you pick me up from the airport?"
Say what now?
"Of course. That's great news mom ..." Holy crap! That's not great. It's terrible. Why the heck is she visiting! Thursday afternoon, as in less than two days from now, my mom will be here. Here in my house. Here where Jordan is. Here where my gay lover is, where the guy who just fucked her son is, the guy who is practically lying naked in bed with me is! I usually don't swear and hate when others do but fuck, fuck, fuck!
"What's so great?" Jordan asks when I hang up.
"My mom's coming to visit for Easter. She arrives on Thursday." I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. Too late I'm having a panic attack.
"Oh ..." is all Jordan can muster. "That can't be good. Relax, breathe man, you look pale."
"Everything was going so well. It was prefect. We were finally ... I was finally ... but now ... she might ... if she is here ... and us ... and ..." I'm rambling and not making any sense.
"How long is she here for?"
"She leaves Monday night."
"So it is just a short visit. I'm sure we can figure something out together. Relax Noah, it's going to be okay."
"What are we going to do?" I ask.
"I'll move out for a few days; I'll go to Aiden's place. That'll make it easier, if that is what you want."
It is what I want. It is the first thing that came to my mind. There is no way he can stay here while my mom is here.
"You know that's not what I want," I lie. "I hate to ask you to do that. It's just my mom doesn't understand the concept of privacy. I'll have to de-gayify this place a bit too, move out those DVDs we got, the dildo in my drawer, and the magazines ... " I'm starting to panic again. "What if I miss something?"
"As I said, we will figure it out. Don't stress about it right now, there is nothing either of us can do tonight. Get some sleep, that should help clear your mind."
"You're right."
I'm awake the entire night.
—
"This Thursday!?" Jenn says slamming her coffee cup loudly on the table. "As in tomorrow!"
I messaged Jenn last night to drop by today for an emergency meeting.
"Yeah. I've been here three years and she hasn't come once! Yet, now that I have a guy living with me, she decides to come. I have the worst luck ever."
"You do. So what are you going to do? Did you tell Jordan?"
"I did."
"And what did he say?"
"He offered to move out for a few days," I say.
"Well that should make it a lot easier."
"It will. I feel bad asking him to leave."
"You know there is another option," she says.
"What is that?" I ask curiously.
"He could stay and you could tell your mom about him."
"I can't do that, Jenn."
"You'll have to do it eventually, won't you?"
"I haven't thought that far. But now is not the time to do it," I say.
"Why? It seems like as good a time as any."
"It just isn't Jenn. She won't understand."
"Maybe you can make her. She will see how happy you are and ..."
"She won't, Jenn." I say cutting her off. "I know her. Besides, I thought you were supposed to be on my side supporting me?"
"I am Noah, I am. I always am. I'm not trying to pressure you. I think this is a good time to tell her, but if you think otherwise, I won't bring it up again. If you need my help at all let me know."
"Thanks Jenn. If you don't mind, can you keep a few things at your place?"
"That's totally fine. Are you still going to come to Sunday dinner?"
"I don't know."
"Why? Your mom loves me! Bring her along."
"I would, but Jordan will be there."
I know nothing will happen if Jordan is there, but I still have an uneasy feeling about it. I have an uneasy feeling about all of this. She is my mom, he is my boyfriend. I just would rather keep them apart for now.
"So?" Jenn asks.
"I don't know. I just don't want to risk it."
"Ok, now you're being ridiculous, Noah. Nothing will happen if you two are in the same room. As long as you don't start making out in front of her you'll be fine."
"I'll think about it."
*** JORDAN ***
I didn't think just two months after moving in I would be moving out so soon. But here I am, sitting on the couch in Aiden's apartment. I brought my stuff this morning before going to class. I didn't bring everything because some of my clothes could easily pass as Noah's. Was I happy to leave? No. Did I want Noah to ask me to stay? Yes. Did I think that would happen? The delusional part of me thought it would, but the realist in me knew it wouldn't. I'm not angry or anything, or disappointed; I did offer to leave, but I'm not happy either. I understand his position. I want him to come out, but his mom coming here and seeing us living together is probably not the best way for her to find out. When I left, Noah left too to get his mom from the airport. She landed a short time ago. Noah sent me a message from the airport.
The only bright spot in my day, I formally threw in my name for team captain. A number of my teammates nominated me. As expected, Sebastian's friend was also nominated. But based on the vibe from the group I think I will win. It feels good to know people actually like me and want me to be their leader. The vote is on Tuesday, after the long weekend. Oh, and that is the other good thing about today. It is now the long weekend for Easter. We have both Friday and Monday off. So four days to do nothing. Well, I have a lot of schoolwork to do. One more week of classes and then exams.
"Thanks again man for letting me stay here," I say to Aiden when he gets home from work.
"Not a problem, anytime. I know this isn't the arrangement you were hoping for."
"It's not. I'd rather be at home with Noah but he is happier this way, so here I am."
"It is probably for the best, in-laws can be super annoying."
"Yeah, and what I've heard from Noah is that his mom is quite the lady. She's super involved in her children's lives and doesn't know anything about boundaries. From what I hear she is a force to be reckoned with."
"Ha, well you'll get to see just how involved she is first-hand on Sunday, and make a good impression on your potential future mother-in-law."
"Are they going to come? I thought Noah wasn't sure?"
"I talked to Jenn today and she said they were going to come."
"You talked to Jenn? Something going on there?"
"No, nothing is. I just asked her if I could bring dessert. She said Noah's mom was. So I assume she is coming."
"Well this should be interesting ..." I'll finally get to see the woman who has caused so much stress in Noah's life and seems to be the obstacle in our relationship.
My original plan for tonight was to spend time with Noah, but Aiden isn't a bad substitute. By the time I settle into the extremely uncomfortable couch, which I shall call my bed, it is 10 p.m. I'm so exhausted I call it an early night. As I am about to doze off my phone starts to buzz. I have a new text message. Private name and private number.
"Be careful, captain."
What in the world does that mean?
Then I receive a short video.
Fuck. How in the world ... ?
Then I get another message. "Drop out, unless you want the world to know. Think about it. You have until Tuesday. Enjoy :)"
This can't be good.
—
"You're up early," Aiden says to me the next morning. He's up around seven even though it is a holiday. Force of habit I guess.
"I didn't sleep at all."
"Couch was that uncomfortable?"
"It wasn't the couch. It was this."
I hand over my phone with the video on it. The video is only a few seconds long. It starts with someone leaning in and kissing me on the lips. The kiss lasts only a few seconds. They move back and my entire face is visible. You can't really see who the other guy is, though I can tell it is Noah. You can only really see the back of his head. The part of his face that is showing is mostly covered by my hand. Though you can tell it is a guy and not a girl. You can also tell we are in a gay club. There are lots of men around us. It was shot on Valentine's Day inside the club I took Noah to.
"I'm a bit confused. Is that Noah?" Aiden asks.
"It is."
"Who shot this and where did it come from?"
"I don't know. Someone just sent it to me last night. Along with these two text messages." I then show him those. "Someone is threatening me to drop out of the race for team captain, or else they will release this video."
"Oh. Shit. Do you know who it is?"
"I have a strong suspicion it's this guy named Sebastian." I fill Aiden in on the whole Sebastian tale and why I think it is him. Who else could it be? Plus it makes sense. Sebastian could have been at the club.
"What a douche. Did you message the number back?"
"Yeah, but no response."
"Has Noah seen this yet?"
"I don't think so. I haven't spoken to him yet. I assume Sebastian would have messaged him too, that is sort of his style."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know what to do. I can't trust Sebastian. Even if I drop out he very well could release this. I'm screwed either way."
"You could talk to Sebastian? See if there is another way?"
"Doubt it. I don't think he would listen. And besides, I would rather avoid him. I think I may say or do something stupid."
"How would you feel if this was released and people found out?"
"Honestly, I think I would be okay. For the past few weeks I've been thinking, so what if other people know? Why does it matter? I didn't want others to know at first because I was confused about it all. But I am not confused anymore. I'm comfortable with who I am. And what will happen if others know? I know there are some people who may not like it or may treat me differently but who gives a damn? If my teammates don't want me around, then screw them! We live in one of the most liberal cities in the world. It's who I am, I shouldn't have to hide it anymore. And, to be frank, I don't want to hide it anymore."
"It's fantastic you feel that way. I am really proud of you. You've come a long way since you came out to me. But something tells me Noah is not on the same page as you."
"And that's the problem, he's not. That's why I've been quiet about my sexuality. He's going to freak out when he sees this."
"So the question is, what is more important to you? Being captain and risk coming out, or Noah?"
"I want to be captain, I think that would be great, and I think I would be good at it too, but it's not something I have to do right now; I can always go for it the year after. On the other hand, there is Noah, who is extremely important to me and someone I really care about. I don't want to lose him. In my heart, what I want to happen is this: I tell Noah and he says screw Sebastian, let him release the video, who cares. But I know that is only a dream. What will happen is he will freak out and he'll want me to drop out. In the end, I have another chance at being captain, but if I screw things up, I may not get another chance with Noah."
"It sounds like you're leaning towards dropping out then," Aiden says.
"I don't think I have any other choice."
—
I have to talk to Noah about this. I know he is busy with his mom but I don't have a choice. If I know Sebastian at all, then I know he won't just message me. He'll send something to Noah too to drive a wedge between us. After talking to Aiden, I message Noah that we need to talk. Around nine in the morning I get a phone call from Noah.
"What's going on Jordan? Is everything okay? I got your message and I also got another really weird one from some private number. All it said was that I need to get you to change course or there will be consequences. It was really bizarre."
"Yeah, that's what I want to talk to you about. I think Sebastian is up to no good again. Look, we should talk in person. Can you get away today at all?"
"My mom is still sleeping. I probably have an hour at most."
"Where can we meet that is private?"
"I don't know, everything is closed today. We could meet at Jenn's place."
"That's not ideal, unless she is able to go out for a bit."
"I can ask her."
"Ok, I'll see you there in five minutes."
"Okay."
—
I'm surprised how easily Jenn leaves. I thought she would be annoying. But Noah must have said something to her. She goes off for a morning run.
"I have something important to show you," I say to Noah. "But before I do, I want you to know that if we work together we can figure this out."
I show him the video. I can see the panic grow in his eyes. He is scared. All he says is `fuck' and that is big for Noah. He rarely swears. He starts to pace back and forth. He is breathing heavily.
"I think Sebastian sent it," I say.
"Probably ..." he says, his voice heavy.
"The video also came with a message for me to drop out of the race for volleyball captain, or else this will be made public."
"Then drop out. Text him back right away and tell him you quit. This can't come out."
"How do we know he won't release the video anyway?"
"We don't ... but we have to trust him ... we don't have a choice. This can't come out Jordan."
"Why?" I know why it can't come out. And I already know I will drop out. I challenge him because he isn't asking me what to do, but telling me what to do, which really pisses me off.
"Why!? Are you seriously asking me that? This will ruin everything. Everyone will know about us!" His voice is starting to rise.
"And why is that such a bad thing?" I try to say calmly. The phrase `ruin everything' really ticks me off. "Am I really that bad that you don't want to be associated with me?"
"You know that is not what I mean. I'm not having this conversation again Jordan. That video can't come out. Period. No discussion."
"Well if it does, people will know about me, but not you. Your face is pretty much covered. So you should be fine."
"I won't be fine! People will connect the dots. We live together! I told you we needed to be more careful, but you didn't listen. The video was obviously recorded on Valentine's Day when we went out to the club. I knew I shouldn't have gone."
I expected Noah to react like this, and I was prepared for it, but the last line makes me very angry. "If my memory serves me correctly, you didn't object to the club even once. Again, if my memory serves me correctly, you didn't object to go on the dance floor and it was YOU who kissed ME, not the other way around. This isn't my fault, Noah." I get up from the couch, seething.
"I did those things because I knew it is was you wanted, not because I wanted to." Now he is being outright confrontational.
"I didn't force you to do anything. You did everything on your own. You're a free man, you can do whatever you want." I say with anger in my voice.
"Am I? You guilt-trip me into not going as fast as you. You just keep pushing me to do more and to be more open like you. I'm not you. I'm not as comfortable as you. But you just don't get that. And this is what happens in the end," he says pointing his finger at my phone, fury in his eyes.
"When was the last time I asked you about coming out?"
"You haven't for a while, but ..."
"Exactly. I haven't because I know you're not ready. I haven't been pushing you at all. There was no way for me to know Sebastian would be there and that he would be this sick and vindictive. I don't care what other people think of me, but I know you do." I am so angry I can barely control myself. I really want to punch the pillow on the couch. But I refrain myself. "I've jumped through hoops for you. I moved when your mom came because I knew it would be difficult for you. I didn't want to go, but I did. And in terms of the video, I came to the conclusion I would do whatever made you feel comfortable and I knew the answer to that was dropping out. That was my plan all along. But I'm glad you had some faith in me. I'll message the number right now to drop out. The vote isn't until Tuesday so I don't know what Sebastian will do or if he will release it anyway."
"I'll talk to him. I'll make him see reason somehow," Noah says.
"I don't think that is a good idea. Sebastian is manipulative. He'll find a way to spin that around to hurt you and me even more."
"Well I have to do something to fix this mess! I have to try at least!"
"Whatever, I don't know why I bother with you. I know you'll do what you want anyway."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asks, his voice as sharp as daggers.
"Nothing," I say. I would rather not prolong this fight by calling him stubborn. "I should go."
Both of us are standing. We're at opposite sides of the room, avoiding eye contact. All you can hear is heavy breathing. I want him to say something. I want him to apologize. But he doesn't say anything. I'm almost at the door when he speaks again.
"I think it's best you don't come to Jenn's place for dinner on Sunday."
"And why is that?" I say looking back at him. "I can go wherever I want. What, are you that paranoid your mom might find out just by looking at me?"
"There is just too much going on right now. If this was your mom you'd understand," he says.
"I'll call my mom right now, this minute, this very instant, and tell her about us if that is what you want. I'm not afraid like you," I yell back at him.
"You just don't get it do you? My family isn't like your family. You don't know just how religious and conservative they are. They will banish me from my house. I will lose everything."
"How do you know that? I get it they might be angry, but they'd come around. And besides, you'd have me. Do I not count for anything? You have to tell them eventually. Or are you never planning on telling them?"
"It's been five damn months! FIVE MONTHS! Some people take years coming out to their parents, and you can't even wait a few months? You knew all of this when you started dating me. I made it VERY clear that I wouldn't just jump out of the closet for you!" His face is flush red.
"You've known you're gay since you've been in high school. You've known for years. So don't talk to me about months."
"You have no right to tell me how long it should take me to come out," he says with venom in his voice.
"Fine, I admit I don't," I say with my voice starting to drop. "But we're in a relationship together. I'm not just any guy. I'm the guy you say you love. But clearly that doesn't mean anything to you, does it? I want us to be together Noah, I've made that very, very clear. But I can only do that if I know there is a chance that we can be together. I'm okay with waiting. I can wait with you. A few more months, a year, two years. That's fine. But I can't wait forever. I need to know there will be a time in your life when you will be comfortable with telling your parents, or coming out in general. There has to be a time that we can be together as a NORMAL couple. Otherwise, if you don't see yourself doing that EVER, then we're just wasting our time."
"Then it seems like we're just wasting our time."
His comment hits me as if a dagger pierced my heart.
"Fine," I say in a completely calm voice. I don't know what else to say to him. I'm done. "I'll drop out like you want me to. I won't come to Sunday dinner. I will stay far, far away from you. Okay? I hope that makes you happy."
He doesn't say anything back. He is looking the other way.
I make my way to the door. I know I shouldn't say it but I just can't help myself. "Oh, as for convincing Sebastian, I have an idea that might work. If he won't listen, just let him fuck you. That ought to do it."
Before I slam the door I look back. His eyes are filled with rage.
— End of Chapter 20.
Comments or feedback: E-mail mr_e08@hotmail.com.