Noah and Jordan

The following story is a work of fiction and does not represent any living person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.

Good day everyone,

I'm surprised at how quickly I was able to finish this chapter, seeing how I've been crazy busy with work and how long this chapter is. Don't expect this to become the norm. I'm very curious to know what you all think about this chapter and how the story line is developing. If you have any comments/questions/feedback then let me know at mr_e08@hotmail.com - or through the group page.

You can join in 2 ways:

Visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mrestories Or send an email to: mrestories-subscribe@yahoogroups.ca

Read carefully - I have a trivia question at the end!

Also - for anyone keeping track with a calendar I know I fast forward a bit and technically eat up a whole week but I had to do that for story flow. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then carry on.

And one last note - I forgot to do this in the last chapter - but a special thanks to Lisa for helping me edit this chapter and the previous one. Your help is greatly appreciated.

Alright, enjoy!

Ethan.

---------- Chapter 15 ----------

*** NOAH ***

The silence kills me; it pierces through my veins, driving me mad. There is noise all around me, yet I hear nothing; to me it's all mute. Nothing matters. All that does is who is standing in front of me. Neither of us says a word. It's his silence that I can't stand. I want him to say something ... anything. We both just stand there staring off into the distance. I don't have the courage to look him in the eyes. I notice his lips part as if he is about to say something. My heart skips a beat. He seems to think for a second and then he closes his mouth. There is so much to say, so much I need to say, but I can't find the words. My emotions are swelling up inside, bubbling like lava in a volcano before it erupts, spewing ash everywhere. The moment is coming close. He's going to leave. My body is screaming at me to stop him, but I know I don't have a choice. He has to go. He has to. I'm really going to miss him.

I struggle to look at him. "Bye Jordan," I say, defeated.

"Goodbye Noah."

--- MID-NOVEMBER ---

*** JORDAN ***

Well, this is going to be one interesting day. For the first time since Sunday I'll actually get to spend some time with Noah, albeit in class. Then tonight I have my first volleyball game since my suspension. It will be nice to finally be back on the court with my teammates. I feel so lazy when I'm not playing sports; I start feeling lethargic. But in all the good there has to be some bad, a thorn at my side named Sebastian. Of course he'll be there tonight as well. As much as I loathe him and detest his company, I can't do anything about that. I'll just have to suck it up and find some way to deal with him. I promised Noah I would, though just one good punch right in his face would make me feel so much better. In some ways, if you think about it, I've already won. I have Noah. I have what he couldn't get. I've fucked what he couldn't. And tonight sitting in the stands Noah will be cheering for me and not him. Point for me, zero for Sebastian.

Speaking of Noah, I have barely seen the guy since Sunday - the day he talked it out with Jenn and I went home. We did meet on Monday but that was for a brief, and I mean brief lunch. This week has been super crazy! Exams are coming up in two weeks, so right now all of my assignments are due. Of course professors like to make everything due at the exact same time! Both Noah and I have been absolutely swamped with work. I thought now that Jenn knows about us we would be able to spend more time together, but that hasn't happened - at least not yet. I'm generally on campus every night past midnight working on labs. The sad thing is I am not even close to being done. I still have so much more work to do! I'm barely getting any time to sleep or eat. I've really wanted to spend some time with Noah again, perhaps get close to him in bed, but I honestly have had no time. Unfortunately that means I'll just have to wait until the weekend to be with him. Especially after last weekend, simply jerking off with my hand just doesn't do. Argh! Its funny how not so long ago I was afraid of getting intimate with Noah. Now I can't seem to get the idea of getting intimate with him again off my mind.

Noah is the only reason why I am even going to class today. Well that and I have to hand in my English essay, which I must say I wrote rather quickly. I was thinking of skipping, but decided I wanted to meet him and spend some time together this week. As I said, we did have lunch together on Monday. I know it was a small and simple thing but it meant a lot to me. That was technically the first 'date' on campus or in public. It's a bit sad that it took us more than three weeks to have a date in public. I know it was kind of lame and not my idea of a first date but it was what we could do. Of course people walking by only thought we were two guys sitting and eating. But both of us knew the true meaning of that lunch and it felt good. It's nice to finally do something outside of Noah's apartment! I know it's not the biggest development in our relationship but to me it did mean a lot. Oddly enough Noah was a bit quiet. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I wasn't sure if he was afraid people would realize that was a 'date' or something else. It wasn't alarming or anything - Noah usually rambles on like an idiot - but he was, compared to his normal self, a bit quiet.

Shit, it is getting cold! I hurry on into the building; the door slams behind me. It's mid-November and the temperature is hovering below 0 degrees. The worst part is this is technically still warm! It's going to get much, much colder in the coming months. Noah is already in class waiting when I get there - he's the only one there. He is such a nerd. His binder is out and open to a fresh new sheet of paper. His pen is sitting beside his binder ready to scribble down anything the professor blurts out of his mouth. He's still the same nerd I met the first day in class. The only difference now is he's my nerd.

"Hey," I say to him with a smile.

"Good morning. What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing," I say to him. "Can't a guy just be happy?"

"He can, but seeing how I can tell from your eyes you haven't slept in days, your smile seems a bit sinister."

"Well, I was just thinking about how you're still such a big nerd," I answer.

"Nerds are cool. It's an elite club that not everyone can join," he says. "So how are you?"

"Tired man! I got home around one last night. These labs are going to be the death of me."

"I was up until two working on the English paper," he says.

"You know every year I tell myself I'm not going to procrastinate; I'm going to start early. Yet here I am again scrambling to finish everything on time."

"I know, I do that too. Bad habits die hard. I could use a nap right now," he replies.

"Well we could go to my place and ..." There are a few people in class now but no one is around to hear us.

"You never stop do you?"

"We've been over this," I reply, "I'm always on." I place my hand on his thigh and rub back and forth. We're right in the back so no one can see us.

"Even sitting here in class staring at that eighty-year-old professor, that turns you on?" he asks.

"No, but it looks like it's turning you on." I can feel a bit of stiffness in his jeans.

"Stop that. I'm not turned on," he says brushing my hand away.

"Does someone have lustful feelings for the professor?" I tease him. It's still so much fun bugging Noah. He tries to act like it doesn't bother him, but it's so obvious it does! That's what makes it so much more fun.

"I'd rather throw up," he says.

"It's okay if you have a crush on the professor; I don't mind."

"Buddy he's all yours. If you want to get with him, by all means, you have my full permission. I wish you guys well."

"Oh someone's all defencive because he has a crush on the professor," I tease him.

"Dude, that's just wrong!"

"I'm sure he's really kinky in bed and into all sorts of weird things like fisting, leather ..."

"Dude, no! I do not want that mental picture in my head! I'm already tired; don't make me feel sick too," he says shaking his head.

"He probably bends guys over and spanks them with his books and then ..."

"Good morning class ..."

I stop speaking as the professor starts his lecture. Noah gives me a smug look which indicates he thinks I have to stop talking. He should know me better by now! After the prof collects everyone's essays, I start slipping Noah notes of all the kinky things the professor probably does in bed. He looks at the first one and makes a horrid face and then rips it up quickly. I know he's trying not to laugh. He doesn't look at the second or third note. I push them in front of him and as he tries to stop me, he places his hand on top of mine. His hand is barely on mine for a second when he quickly yanks it away. It's as if he just touched some infectious, disease filled object. I understand why he took his hand away, but it kind of hurts. It almost feels like he's ashamed of me or doesn't want to be associated with me. I know that's not the case and not what he meant at all, but it's just a sharp reminder that we still face many limitations and obstacles together. The violent jerk of his hand also seems to have caught the professor's attention.

"So we're in grade school now and passing notes to each other?"

It takes me a second to realize the professor is talking to me. "Oh, no sir. I wasn't passing any notes."

"Let's see then," the prof says motioning for me to come give him the notes.

Fuck. He can't see these notes. He so can't see these notes. Shit what do I do? He's just waiting there. Everyone is staring at me. Oh, crap. "Sir, these are just my regular notes."

"Then let's see them."

You want to see them ... oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! What am I going to do? My mind is clogged. I can't think. What the fuck is Noah doing? I feel something being stuffed under the table into my left hand. It's some sort of paper. I look at him and he points with his eyes to my hand. Oh. Smart. I pick up the notes on the table with my right hand and bring them towards me. Okay I have one shot at doing this. I bring my hand quickly under the table - get up - and drop the notes onto my seat. I'm not sure what's on this piece of paper Noah gave me but I sure hope it's not as bad as what was on those other notes. I make my way down to the front and give Noah's note to the prof. He takes it, reads it, laughs and then gets all serious.

"Take a seat. Now where was I ... yes we were talking about the theme ..."

Wow that was embarrassing. Everyone, and I mean everyone, stares at me as I make my way back to my seat. Once I sit down Noah doesn't look at me. I think he's had enough adventure for one day. So have I. I wonder what was on that note though. The professor laughed so it couldn't have been something bad.

I almost jump out of my seat when class is over. Both Noah and I grab our stuff and make our way to the door.

"You two, wait a second." Now what does the prof want!?

"Yes sir?" Noah asks. The class by this point has cleared out.

"I thought we went over this a few weeks ago, the rules of my class. I thought no passing childish notes would be obvious. There's only a week and a half left until classes end, so I hope this isn't a problem again. If it is I will start docking participation marks from both of you."

"It won't be sir, I'm very sorry," Noah says.

"I'm sorry." I have to say something even though I'm not sorry.

"I expect more from my students. Both of you did very well on your presentation - and you," he points to Noah, "had the highest mark on the midterm. I don't expect that kind of behaviour from students who clearly have brains. Now use them and don't make me dock marks."

"I promise, we'll both behave next time," Noah says.

"Good. I'll see you guys on Friday."

"Thank you sir. Goodbye." Noah says before leaving.

We walk out in silence and down the now deserted hall.

"So ..." I try to say as casually as possible trying not to laugh.

"You think that was funny?" Noah asks.

"Kind of."

"You wouldn't be laughing if the prof saw the notes you wrote and I didn't save your ass!"

"Thanks for that by the way. Come on, it was kind of funny."

"No it wasn't. If you ever try that with me I will honestly beat you. Just thinking of what was on those notes makes me feel sick."

"It wasn't THAT bad," I counter.

"Fine, then I'll go give them to the prof and he can be the judge."

"Okay it wasn't that great either." Noah seems angry. Oops.

"And then you're such an idiot you actually labelled it WITH the prof's name! That's a rookie mistake! Even I know you don't do that!"

True you don't - especially because you could get caught. "By the way What did you write on the other piece of paper?" I ask.

"I'm not telling you."

"Come on - he laughed - he actually has a sense of humour. It's hard to believe, eh? But tell me, what did it say?"

"Nothing. You're lucky I saved both of us. And then, even in front of the professor, you didn't say anything - that was me again saving both of us!"

"Thank you; you're my saviour, my knight, my hero. Now what did that note say?" I ask again.

"Flattery won't help you."

"I'm not trying to flatter you. I'm just saying you're really good with older men, that's all." I really try to suppress a smile.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"It's okay. I didn't know you were into older guys ... should I be worried?" I mock him.

"Extremely worried smartass," he says, lightly punching me on the arm.

"So, are there any other professors I should know about who could be potential rivals? Maybe you all get together and have orgies together," I say.

"Is that some sort of backwards attempt to find out if I have my eyes on anyone besides you? I didn't know you were the jealous type."

"Oh, I'm not jealous. You have my blessing to get with your old cronies whenever you want."

"Well I can barely handle taking care of you, so I'm good for now," he says.

"Now tell me what was on that note!" I say in the most authoritative voice I can muster.

"Hey Noah, Jordan." It's Jenn. Where did she just come from? It's like she just appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey Jenn," Noah says looking at her and then at me.

"Hi Jenn," I say.

"How are you?" Her tone is polite yet a bit cold.

"I'm doing well, thanks. And yourself?" I ask. This is very awkward.

"Fine. Is it okay if I steal Noah?" Jenn asks me.

"Um ... sure."

Noah just looks at me. Clearly he isn't sure what to say. This is the first time I've seen Jenn since I told her about dating Noah and she stormed out. Noah did say he thought she would forgive me for everything but I'm not sure we are there just yet and I really don't want to say the wrong thing right now.

"I'll see you later tonight," Noah says to me.

"For sure. Bye guys."

That was weird.

I enter the locker room with a bit of trepidation. I really don't know what to expect. I haven't been to practice in two weeks and I know the guys are angry at me. I usually talk to some of them here and there during the week, but this time I haven't heard from anyone. I deserve whatever treatment they give me. What I did was selfish and foolish. I was thinking of myself and not the team, and that's not fair to them. We are all supposed to work together. It also doesn't help we lost the last two games. The games were crucial too. Now we're sitting at the bottom of our pool. We really need to win today to keep any hope alive of making it to the playoffs next semester. As much as I hate to say this, Sebastian is a good player, and well so am I. So both of us not being there for the past two weeks was a big loss for them.

My fears are put to rest almost immediately. My teammates welcome me back as if nothing happened at all. What a relief! These guys are great. I guess like me they just want to move forward. Well that's one burden off of my chest. The other is Sebastian, who I don't seem to see anywhere. Perhaps he broke his foot and isn't playing with us. One can only hope! But that dream is shattered almost immediately. He enters the locker room and much to my surprise and dread, he makes his way over to me. The room goes silent and tense.

"Hi Jordan," he says as everyone stares at us.

"Hey man."

"Look I just wanted to make sure everything is cool between us. I'm the team captain and shouldn't have let that happen. We good?"

I notice how he doesn't actually apologize. This isn't actually about making amends. He's just trying to act like the bigger man in front of the team. "Yeah man, we're good."

Everyone else seems to let out a sigh of relief. I can tell they didn't want another confrontation. I get changed and make my way onto the court to warm up. So far everything is good. A few minutes later I notice Noah enter the gym. He looks at me, smiles and waves. I smile back and wave. He suddenly puts his hand down and I see his eyes drift to the side. I turn to see what he is looking at. Sebastian. Who else. Sebastian just stares at him with a smirk on his face and then turns to me, then walks off. FUCK! That guy pisses me off. I look back towards Noah and I don't see him. Shit! He left! Damn he probably feels horrible and it was my fault ... wait, never mind, he's sitting down right over there. False alarm. Alright control the anger. Just don't punch Sebastian, it's that easy.

Once the game gets underway I forget about everything else and focus on playing. The coach is smart; he tries to keep Sebastian away from me. But we do have to interact with each other and everything goes off well. Sebastian doesn't seem angry, rather he seems smug. Seeing his stupid smug face makes me want to throw the ball right at him. But I promised I wouldn't and continue playing.

I'm actually doing quite well today. I haven't missed any of my points. My serves are pretty good. I think being away for a while has really helped me relax. My movements are much faster. I seem to be everywhere on the court tonight. Not to sound cocky but I am usually good, but tonight I'm fantastic. Knowing Noah is cheering me on really pushes me to do better. I've even saved some bad hits made by Sebastian. That makes me feel great, seeing how if it wasn't for me Sebastian would have lost us a point. By half time we are winning and I haven't hurt anyone yet so it's not bad.

I make my way over to the stands. "Thanks for coming," I say to Noah.

"I wouldn't miss it."

"I notice you didn't wear your," I do hand quotes around the next word," 'old' team shirt with the tag still on it." I laugh and Noah just shakes his head. I know he finds that funny too. He just won't admit it. "Sorry about him," I say.

"It's not your fault. I knew Sebastian would be here. It was my choice to come and I'm glad I did," he responds.

"So am I. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah it's good. But I heard there would be a fist fight, so I am bit disappointed."

"One could easily be arranged," I say eagerly.

"I know, I know. I'm jok ..." he trails off. His eyes move. I don't have to turn around. I know what he's looking at. Of course it's Sebastian staring at us. "I'm just joking," he says looking back at me.

"He seems really happy," I say.

"Yeah he does. He has a stupid smug look on his face. I really want to punch him."

"I know! So do I! Just one punch man."

"No. No more punches for you." Noah states.

"That's not fair; you get to punch him and I don't!"

"Life's a bitch," he says.

"You don't think he knows do you?"

"About us?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"Maybe. I don't know. I can't tell. But he thinks he knows something. Even if he does he won't say anything."

"How do you know that?"

"Because we have leverage against him too," he says.

"Perhaps ... so are you going to tell me now what was on that note?"

"Nope. Let's just say it's one of our long running jokes."

"Long running jokes? What running joke?" I'm confused.

"Anyway, it looks like the game is starting soon so we'll talk later, off you go," he says.

"Yeah ... we'll talk later." Looks like I'm going to have to beat the answer out of him.

"Good luck," he says.

*** NOAH ***

If you think about it, they're only three simple words. There really isn't anything complex about them. Yet we struggle so much to say them. And when we do it's like we've dropped a bomb. They can change everything in a mere second. Flip your world upside down unexpectedly. Yet they're only three simple words.

I. Love. You.

How can three words when put together have so much meaning? How can they be so important? How can they just change everything? How can they keep me up all night?

Jordan's words have consumed me; taken hold of my mind. I can't think about anything else. Here is a guy who, only a month or so ago, could not even admit he was gay. How could he turn so quickly? It must have been a slip of the tongue. It has to be. I've wanted to ask him about it, but each time we meet I can't seem to find the words. Part of me doesn't want to know what he meant. Not knowing is living in bliss. I can think whatever I want. For his part, he hasn't changed in any way, or acknowledged saying anything. All of that just leads me to believe he blurted it out without realising it.

The other part of asking him is I might get an answer. He might say he loves me. He would then ask me what I thought of him. And what do I think of Jordan? I like him. I like him a lot. I haven't connected with anyone the way I have connected with him. But our relationship is still in its infancy; it's raw. I don't want to rush or ruin it. So that's one option - then there is the other one I don't like too much. He could confirm it was just a slip of the tongue and a part of me would be crushed. I know they're just words and do not bind him to me in any way but if I knew we were at that level together I guess I would feel a bit more secure. I'm not as worried as before that he is going to one day think he is straight and leave, but the thought does come and go in my mind. Knowing that he loves me would give me reassurance he isn't going anywhere. I need to ask him. I wanted to at lunch on Monday but I chickened out. The whole time he was speaking I kept zoning out. Damn, this isn't bliss. Ignorance is not bliss. I really need to ask him. But first I need to know how I feel about him. Do I love him? Do I love Jordan? I ...

The doorbell rings. Saved by the bell. It's Jordan. He said he would come over on Friday night.

"Hey man come on in," I say opening the door.

He walks in and right away plants his lips on mine. It feels so nice to feel him in my arms again.

"Sorry, I've just really wanted to do that every time I saw you this week," he says.

"So why didn't you then?" I ask him.

"In front of everyone on campus?"

"You don't have the balls to do it!"

"I'll get you back for that later. Right now we don't have much time. Get ready we're going out."

"Out? I thought we were just staying here tonight?"

"Nope, I'm taking you out tonight on our first real official date," he says with a lot of energy.

"We've been dating for weeks now!" I say.

"Yes I know but we haven't, you know, gone out on a date, date."

"Oh a date, date. You should say it like that!"

"Enough of your sarcasm go and get ready!"

"So what's the plan exactly?" I ask.

"It's a surprise," he says. "Now get ready quickly."

"I don't like surprises," I reply.

"I know and that's why I'm not telling you. It's nothing huge, just get ready and be quick."

"Fine, fine. Give me a minute."

I'm not even in my room for a full minute when Jordan starts yelling at me to hurry up. Someone is sure impatient tonight. Our first real official date. I'm curious as to what he has planned.

"Alright, alright," I say, "I'm ready!"

"Finally, let's go."

"What's got you in such a rush today?"

"Nothing, we're just on a tight schedule."

"We're going to the movies aren't we? That's your big secret?" I ask.

"Fine, yes, the movies. I know it's not big and romantic but it's ..."

I cut him off. "It's thoughtful and it's time spent together, that's all that matters to me."

"You say that now. By date number two all of your demands will come out."

"True. This is a freebie so enjoy it. So what are we seeing?"

"I thought a good chick flick."

"What? Two guys watching a chick flick together ... that's not gay at all!"

"Well, I thought you liked seeing them since you go with Jenn all the time."

"She drags me all the time."

"Sure buddy, same difference."

"Well have fun on your own then."

"I will."

Jordan goes up to the movie counter and buys tickets for both of us. He buys them for a comedy movie and not a chick flick.

"I can pay for myself you know," I say.

"Yes I know you can. Can't I treat you to something once in a while? So difficult!"

"Well, just because you bought movie tickets don't think you're going to get some tonight."

He looks at me with a wicked smile. "Oh, I know I will." I try to look at him with the most serious face I can muster but it doesn't really work. "And you can buy the popcorn," he says to me. "It's freaking more expensive than the damn tickets! Rip off. But at least I'm not the one wasting ten bucks. I just have to run to the washroom, I'll meet you in the theatre in a few seconds."

The movie theatre is quite empty; the film has been playing now for a few weeks. I find a spot near the back and sit down. Right now they're playing all of those stupid commercials and trailers before the film. I wish they'd start a movie on time for once! Where is Jordan? He said he would be back in a few seconds and it's been like ten minutes almost. Maybe he went into the wrong theatre. The movie is starting and he isn't even here yet. Finally, there he is!

"Sorry," he says sitting down.

I want to ask him what took so long but the movie has started so I will ask him later. A short while into the film, once all the food is done, Jordan grabs my hand and holds it beside him. The theatre is dark and there really isn't anyone beside us. I turn towards him and smile. He smiles back. Looking at him those words come back to me. I love you. What did he mean exactly? Am I ready to say it back to him? It seems so soon. Too soon. I don't want to ruin things. But maybe he's waiting for me to say something to him. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to know!

Once the film ends we all begin to stream out of the theatre.

"So, what did you think?" he asks.

"It was good, funny. What did you think?"

He doesn't respond so I look towards him. He's looking at some girl who is smiling and waving at him from acoss the hall.

"I'm sorry," he says, "did you say something?"

"Uh, yeah, I asked what you thought of the movie."

"Oh it was good." He's still distracted by that girl.

"Who is that?" I ask him.

"Oh, it's no one."

"It didn't look like no one," I say. I'm not jealous, honestly, just curious.

"Someone I know from school that's all. Alright so now to dinner."

The room is dimly lit. His face illuminated only by a flickering candle flame. It casts half of his face into a shadow and makes his deep blue eyes pierce out into the darkness. The part of his face that is lit shows half a smile. My fingers move down his shirt, unbuttoning it along the way. Slowly his body comes into view; his solid torso waiting to be touched. I place my hands on his abs and run them up his body, over his chest, and onto his shoulders. I take hold of his shirt and pull it off. The candle light puts a warm yellowish glow on his skin. I unbuckle his belt and let his jeans fall to the floor. He steps out of them and tosses them to the side. Then it's his turn. He removes my clothing slowly until both of us are standing there in our boxers.

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are," he asks looking at me, with his arms around my neck.

"Me? Look at you; look at your body ... it's perfect ... I'm just skin and bones."

"Well, the most perfect skin and bones."

He kisses me deeply. He's soft and slow. He's taking his time. There is no rush. He runs his hands through my hair, and his tongue through my mouth. There is something calm about him today. He's comfortable. He feels at ease. He's being all romantic.

I break off the kiss. I want to taste his skin. I make a line down his body with my lips, kissing him along the way, playing with his soft pink nipples until they are hard, down the ridges of his abs, to his waiting dick. It's fighting to get loose from the fabric it's confined in. A wet spot has formed where the head of his cock is resting. I run my hand along the shaft through the fabric. I pull his boxers down, giving him freedom at last. I would love to tease him, but I think I would only be tormenting myself. His body tonight is my drug.

"I've been waiting for this all week," he says.

"Then I'll have to make it good."

I take my index finger and run it across his shaft and across his slit, picking up some precum along the way. I place the tip of my finger in my mouth, and slowly insert it all the way in, all the while looking up at him.

"You're such a tease," he says.

I wink at him. "You know you like it."

I move slowly over his dick. I kiss the base and make my way up. I run my tongue along the sides slowly, tasting his manhood. He sighs. I can tell this foreplay is killing him. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I continue this slow torment, moving over his dick, licking parts of it, but never taking it into my mouth. I can sense he is starting to get restless. He places his hands on my head and ruffles my hair. Once I've kissed every inch of his penis I take it into my mouth. I wrap my lips around his cock and go down. At first I suck on it slowly, taking my time to savour his flesh. Then I start to suck harder, applying more pressure with my tongue. He starts to push into me. I try to take in as much as I can without gagging. He starts to breathe heavier as I continue to lavish his dick with my tongue, and penetrate his skin with my warm breath.

Tonight is all about pleasure. Trying to make him feel as special as he made me feel today. I want to show him my appreciation through my actions, through my tongue. His dick feels as hard as a rock. He ejects almost a stream of pre-cum. He's excited - and knowing I am the one making him this excited just makes me harder. I can feel he is getting close. His body starts to tense up. I begin to ease off and let go of his dick.

"Shit, fuck Noah. You're amazing. I felt like I was going to cum," he says.

"We can't let that happen now can we," I say standing up. "The night is still young."

He kisses me again on the lips but only for a second. He mimics my movements, going over my body with his mouth. But he improvises here and there. He licks my skin, tastes my salty flesh. I get goose bumps from his touch. His movements are erotic. He doesn't spend much time on any one area but just enough to push my buttons and get me excited, but not enough to leave me completely satisfied. He has me wanting him more and more by the second. Eventually he is on his knees. He starts to feel my dick through my boxers. He runs his hands over the waistband. His cold hands make me shiver. His touch is electrifying. He pulls down my underwear and flings it across the room. My dick stands before him, ready to go, leaking pre-cum with excitement. He's about to move his mouth closer when I stop him.

"Remember your teeth," I say to him.

He bites down making a chomping sound. "I'll be good ... I hope."

He places his hands on my thighs and moves his face towards my dick. He starts on my balls, licking them gently and slowly. After lathering them up he moves to my shaft, tracing his tongue all the way up and then around the head. He licks the sides of my dick, going up and down all the way. He's teasing me. He still hasn't taken it into his mouth. Damn, I've created a monster! His hands start to squeeze my ass. I let out a moan. He's doing a lot better than last week. The warmth of his breath seeps into my skin. It fuels my inner desire for him. When I least expect it he takes me in. He wraps his lips around my dick and pushes it into his mouth. This time he's smart enough not to try and take it all in. He slides his tongue all over my cock sending warm sensations through me. I hold onto his head and nudge him to take in more. Damn this feels so good.

"Wow Jordan ... wow, that's ... oh man ... that's much better ..."

He seems to have read a much better online manual or something because this is so much better than last week. He's really trying. He works on my dick ferociously. He uses his tongue as a weapon, trying to conquer all of me. His hands continue to massage my ass. His warm lips press against my dick. I can feel the moisture of his mouth on my skin. He starts to move his mouth up and down. Without even realizing it I start to thrust into his mouth as if I am fucking him. He takes it all in stride. I'm so lost in the moment that I almost fall over when I feel his finger press into my hole. I wasn't expecting it and my body jerks forward.

"Sorry," Jordan says breaking off. He's a bit caught off guard too.

"No, no man that was, that was amazing. Where did you learn that from?"

"Tips from a prof we know," he says smiling.

"The objective is to keep me horny, not make me throw up."

"Is it now?" He gets up and takes me by the hand and leads me to the bed. "I think that can be arranged."

*** JORDAN ***

I make Noah lie down as I grab a bottle of lube and condoms from the nightstand. I'll need those in just a moment. I lie down beside him and he rolls on top of me. His knees are bent by my waist. He starts to grind his dick into mine. I begin to kiss him. I work my tongue against his as I feel the inside of his mouth. My hands in the meantime find his ass. I've already poured some lube on my fingers and start to massage it into him. His hole is tight just like last week. Feeling it makes my dick twitch with anticipation. I need to be inside of him. I didn't think it was possible but my dick even feels harder now, to the point it almost hurts. It doesn't help that I can feel his dick rub against mine. Slowly I insert one finger into his ass. It goes in a bit easier than the week before. As I do this Noah breaks away for a moment from my kiss, trying to get some air. I let him relax for a second and he returns to my lips. I leave my finger in his hole letting him adjust. Then it's time for finger number two. I do the same thing again, letting it slowly slide in while giving him time to relax. He slows down thrusting his dick against mine, because as he pushes back his ass presses against my fingers. When I feel he has adjusted, I try to put in a third finger to make him as loose as possible. Noah breaks off the kiss and closes his eyes tightly. He takes in a deep breath and then opens them.

"I'm ready," he says.

The million dollars words I was dying to hear. I break out into a wide grin. I kiss him one more time, this time pressing hard against him for a few seconds then letting go. I roll him off of me and ask him to get on his hands and knees. I run to the washroom and wash my hands quickly. Okay, I know it breaks the moment, but really, I had to. Once I am back on the bed I position myself on my knees behind him. I grab the box of condoms and put one on. I spread some more lube on his ass and on the condom. Alright here it goes. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for all week. Slow and steady. I place the head of my dick at his waiting hole.

"Go slow," he instructs me.

I gently push into him. His hole resists my initial attempt but slowly it gives way. His ass feels just as tight as it did last week. Noah starts to breathe a bit heavier. Once the head of my dick is in I stop, giving him time to adjust. I place both of my hands on his back to steady myself. Once Noah relaxes a bit I start to push in a little more. His body tenses up again almost instantaneously.

"Relax Noah," I say to him.

"Fuck you; this still hurts!" He says. I can tell he is joking.

"Sorry, I'm too busy fucking you." As I say this I push into him all the way. He sharply inhales, and then slowly and quietly exhales. I stay there for a few moments. I run my hands over his back, massaging it from top to bottom. After giving him a few moments I start to retreat, pulling out almost entirely. I then do the same thing again. I enter him slowly giving him time to adjust. The second time I again rest for a bit while he relaxes. By the third and fourth time I can feel he is getting a bit more comfortable.

I grab hold of his waist and start to pick up speed. Not too much. I want to go slow. I want to pleasure him with long thrusts, make his body ache with desire. As I am about to completely enter him I push in, driving my dick into his prostate. Noah starts to get noisier, letting out stifled moans every so often. I start to breathe harder as sweat forms on my forehead. His ass still feels so damn tight wrapped around my dick. When I enter him he clenches his ass muscles making the space even tighter. Fuck how that drives me crazy. It sends sensations through my body I didn't even know existed. My instincts tell me to pick up speed and really fuck him till he goes wild - but I don't. I keep at a steady pace - long and slow. It's a different type of sensation altogether. Noah drops his head - in what appears to be pleasure. His hole greedily welcomes me in. I oblige to my fullest extent, filling him up with hungry thrusts. He in turn starts to push back into me - wanting to feel more of me.

"Fuck Noah ... fuck ..." I can't get any words out. My mind is lost, clouded by the sensation spreading through my body. Shit, I'm going to cum. Slow down. Slow down. I don't want to release just yet. I pull out of Noah and try to regain my composure. My heart is racing. I can feel sweat all over my chest as it rises and falls in front of me. My mouth is dry. Noah turns around and places his lips on mine.

"That was intense," he says.

"It was."

He places his hands on my shoulder and says. "My turn."

I look at him quizzically. "What do you mean you're turn?" I don't think I'm ready to be fucked ... just yet.

He guides me so that I am lying down with my head leaning against the back board. He then gets on top of me as if he is about to sit down. He takes hold of my dick and navigates it to his hole and starts to sit. He stops when the head pops in. It goes in much easier this time. His hole seems to be reacting well. He grabs hold of the back board with both of his hands and lowers himself down until I can feel his ass on my skin. He then begins to push himself up with his feet and then lowers himself back down. He's riding me - or whatever you call it. I've seen guys do this online. He's slow at first. It seems like he is trying to get used to the motion of it. He pushes up and then sits back down. Fuck this feels good. All the pleasure and none of the work! I could get used to this! He is slow to rise but then comes down much faster. He closes his eyes as he continues to assault my dick with his warm hole. The head of my dick presses much harder inside of him when he comes down. It seems to feel good, because Noah lets out a moan each time. I run my hands along his chest, playing with his nipples. He only goes for about one or two minutes before he rolls off.

"Wow, that's tiring ..." he says. "Not as easy as it looks."

I smile at him and then lean in and kiss him. I've missed those lips of his. I love to taste him, feel his warm lips against mine. He's always so sensual. Never rough; never raw. He kisses me back with the same desire I have for him. I need to be back into him. My dick feels so odd free like this. I feel incomplete. I wrap my arm around him and then quickly roll him onto his back, pinning him down with my hands. I lift up my head up and look into his eyes.

"Slow or hard?" I ask him.

It doesn't even take him a second to answer. "Hard. Very hard."

The answer I was desperate to hear. I lean up, resting on my knees. I take a pillow and put it under Noah's ass so that it's a bit higher and at an angle.

"Someone's sure been doing their research," Noah says.

"All the more to please you."

Noah lifts his legs up into the air and I lean forward. He brings them back down and wraps them around my waist. I place my dick at his waiting hole and put both of my hands down onto the bed, such that I am almost leaning into him. This time I am neither slow nor gentle. I plunge into him rapidly, filling him almost instantaneously. Noah lets out a sharp moan as my dick slams into his prostate. Hey, he did say hard. I don't wait or give him time to adjust. I withdraw and plunge back in him. I keep up the quick pace, ramming him harder and faster. Noah doesn't say a word. His body jerks back and forth as the bed shakes. His moans get louder as the bed creaks. The sounds of sex. His head is back and his eyes are closed. This is the look that I wanted. The look of pure satisfaction. This is why I wanted to fuck Noah this way. Sure entering him from the back allowed me to have better control, it was easier to push into him and it was more comfortable - but I want to see Noah. I want to see his expressions. I want to know I am full filling his ultimate desires.

I lean forward and find his lips. There is nothing like kissing Noah while fucking him at the same time. It pushes the adrenaline in me to a new height. It makes me crazy for him. He responds back to me and kisses me ferociously. His tongue moves lethally around my mouth. The pressure I apply on his ass drives him wild. He tries to release that energy through kissing me. I can feel my body tightening up. I can't continue this much longer. Noah's hand is on his dick as he pumps himself. His body tightens as he releases streams of cum. Many hit me on the chest. As he cums, he clamps down on my dick with his ass. That's enough to drive me over the edge. I have barely enough time to lean up and rip the condom off. Within seconds I've covered Noah's body with cum. The orgasm rocks me. Makes me weak to my core. I lie down next to Noah panting. Shit that was crazy.

*** NOAH ***

"Fuck ... Noah that was ..." Jordan says trying to breathe.

I don't have the strength in me to say anything. I just smile at him. We both just stay there trying to regain control of ourselves. That was so damn intense. Shit! My heart is still racing a mile a minute. I need to calm down now. It takes a few minutes but both of start to regain our composure. My ass feels so weird. It feels so open, like I am missing something.

"Not to say last week was bad or anything ... but holy shit! That was amazing. What have you been doing this past week?" I ask.

"Waiting for you. I've wanted to rip off your pants so many times this week. That anticipation has been killing me!"

"Well then maybe I should withhold sex for a week at a time," I joke.

"Not funny. Don't even go down that road. Besides, you won't last without me, I saw your facial expressions."

"You seemed so much more comfortable this week and a little bit more adventurous."

"Well I am."

"Comfortable enough to be on the receiving end next time?"

"Um, let's wash up."

I laugh. "Avoid the question. Okay. Shower time."

We don't take long cleaning up; both of us are exhausted. About twenty minutes later we are in bed ready to sleep.

"Thank you Jordan."

"For what?"

"Tonight. Our first official date - though I'm not sure what that means still. The movie, dinner, especially the part after."

"It was my pleasure," he says.

He smiles at me with those warm eyes and it melts my insides. He kisses me again ever so softly. Shit, I have to know. With the way he is treating me tonight I just have to know. He is so much more at ease, so romantic, so ... it seems in love. I have to know what Jordan meant last week. His body tonight has been sending me such strong signals. Maybe it is true ... maybe he does love me.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he replies.

"You said something to me last week on the phone before you hung up that kind of stayed with me." There are a few moments of silence in the room after I say this. I was hoping he would pick up without me having to say more.

"And?"

"And I'm not sure what to make of it."

"I don't really remember specifics of that conversation. What did I say?"

He doesn't remember. It was probably just a slip of the tongue. Okay that's good. That's good. No big deal right. He didn't mean it. No big deal. It's fine. Changes nothing. Okay, just move on Noah. Whatever. It's whatever.

"Nothing, you know what ... it doesn't matter," I say.

"It seems to matter otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up. What did I say?"

"It's okay. You don't seem to remember, so you probably just said it in passing."

"Come on Noah just tell me. You can't bring something up and then back away. It seems to be something that bothered you."

"It didn't bother me. Everything is fine. It's really not important," I say.

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"Nope."

"You really are stubborn."

"And you like me for it."

"We're going to need to beat that out of you. Well I will threaten to withhold sex if you don't tell me."

"Jordan, we all know that's more of a punishment for you than me," I say.

"Oh really? Keep telling yourself that. Now tell me."

He's not going to give up. And he calls me stubborn!

"It's complicated. I was just asking because I'm curious and no matter what you say I won't get mad or upset."

"Okay ..."

"You said .... you said you ... you love me." I don't look him in the eyes when I say this.

He opens his mouth but doesn't say anything. He's silent for a few moments. "I ..."

He didn't mean it. He's like a deer caught in headlights. "You said it in passing right before you said goodbye. I thought it was something that you just blurted out without realizing it, you know like when you hang up the phone with your mom you say you love her. It was more like that and nothing serious. That's what I thought you meant anyway. So it's okay. Everything is fine. Forget I even mentioned it."

"I honestly didn't even know I said that."

"As I said everything is okay."

"I care about you Noah ... and I ..."

"Jordan you don't need to explain."

"Yes I do. I feel I have to otherwise there will always be an elephant in the room. I care about you a lot and I'm sure you saw that tonight ..."

"I did ..."

"And I like you, I really like you ... but I ..."

He's struggling. Shit I am such an idiot for bringing this up. "Look Jordan, I get it. It's okay. I feel the same way. I like you a lot too. We're still in the early stages of our relationship and trying to figure stuff out. I'm not offended. I'm not hurt. I understand. I feel the same way. We don't need to put any labels or anything on our relationship just yet. I'm ok with that."

"I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry."

"For what!? Jordan you have nothing to be sorry about."

"Our relationship is already complicated as it is ... I don't need to make it worse."

"You didn't Jordan, honestly."

"Can you promise me something Noah?"

"I can try."

"Next time something bothers you, don't wait a week to talk to me about it," he says.

"It didn't bother me ..."

He cuts me off. "Don't lie to me. I know it did. If there is something on your mind, if I say or do something stupid, trust me enough to tell me."

"I do trust you. I just didn't want to put you on the spot or complicate everything. Next time you goof up I'll be sure to let you know."

"You can talk to me about anything and I mean anything. I want this to be a relationship with open communication. We need it to be or we won't last," he says.

Well then who was that girl at the movies? I technically should ask him, but I am sure it was nothing. He said it was nothing. "Next time I will. But don't give me any reason to be bothered okay!"

"Okay."

"Alright I'm beat. Bed time. Lots to do tomorrow."

"Goodnight Noah."

"Night Jordan."

That didn't go exactly as I had hoped, but it wasn't that bad either. He cares about me. That's all that matters. Yet why do I feel so crappy inside?

*** JORDAN ***

Biochem 2.0. It's not a book - it's a brick! I have to finish it by next week. I've read less than half. I know, I know, not the smartest thing to do but, well, what can you do? I had planned to read quite a lot on Saturday but well, um, things sort of didn't go as planned. I didn't really get anything done ... or well, that's not true either. I did do Noah. Oh, how I did Noah. On the bed. On the couch. On the floor. Positions I don't even know the names of yet. We were inseparable. It was amazing. I just had this need for him that wouldn't extinguish. We got a lot of practice, but I'm sure we can both still use a lot more.

Now, I would love to say we fucked all day, non-stop but even I don't believe that. I don't have that much stamina even though I would love to. In the morning when I woke up I just had to be with him. I had this burning desire in me I couldn't put out. After the night before, which was absolutely fucktastic, I wanted more. I needed more. And he did too. We went at it, at each other, with an intensity I didn't know I even had in me. It was a repeat of the night before - nice and hard.

By noon we got up, showered and had lunch. Noah wanted to study but I convinced him to come and lay down beside me for a while. We just stayed in bed, with my arms wrapped around him talking. I wanted to know everything about him. I know I already know a lot but I wanted more. I asked him everything about his childhood and his family. I wanted to know what made him, well him. What made him tick. What made him want to get out of bed every morning. I, in turn, went through my life story, much of which he already knows. I wanted him to know everything about me so we could understand each other better. I told him things I hadn't told any of my other friends. I told him about my parents' divorce and the toll that had on me. Aiden knows most of it but I didn't tell him the emotional damage it had on me. I told Noah. I told him how I was only a child and how when my parents fought it would scare me. I had no sense of stability or security growing up. Seeing their relationship fall apart gave me little hope that any relationship could last. In high school I barely dated a girl for more than a week or two. I could never commit to anything. I had a hard time trusting people. That only started to change in my senior year and when I got to university. My first real long-term girlfriend was Kate, and even she lied to me, cheated and then left. That brought back the feeling of abandonment I felt when my dad left. That's part of the reason why I loathe him now. Life wasn't easy growing up. We barely made the bills. We were living paycheque to paycheque. My mom struggled and her age caught up with her quickly. Her life vanished. It became all about survival. I didn't have all the perks growing up that my friends did. I wasn't angry at her but angry at my dad. I never told anyone all of this - or the emotional side of everything. I didn't want anyone to know. I was sort of ashamed for feeling vulnerable, it wasn't manly as society says. But I wanted Noah to know everything.

At some point in time both of us dozed off. When there was nothing left to say we just stayed there in each other's arms. Nothing else needed to be said. We woke up by mid-afternoon and the fire was back within both of us. We went at it again. But the second time was with a different type of energy. It was slower, longer, more passionate. The morning was all about sex, raw sex, harder and faster. In the evening it was the opposite. It wasn't sex at all. I hate the phrase and I know it sounds cheesy but we were making love. I wanted to truly pleasure him. By that time Noah's ass was starting to relax a lot more and I didn't have to work as much to open him up. The pain also seemed to have disappeared altogether. As I plunged into him he seemed to want more. He would close his eyes, arch his back and moan. It drove me crazy when he would scream out my name. My name. At the top of his lungs. My name in ecstasy. Hearing him scream it in the air would only drive me into him more and more until I went over the top. Knowing I was making him feel so good inside made me feel good too. And to top it off, the orgasm I felt was probably the best I've ever had.

Well, all of my adventures in bed with Noah ate up the day. So now here I am on a Sunday afternoon, my head in Noah's lap, lying on his couch, my legs up over the side, reading. Noah is deep into a book as well. He runs his hand through my hair. From time to time I look up and smile at him, he smiles back. Both of us are more focused on work today because we know we wasted - or well we used up very efficiently - a lot of time the day before. Time well wasted I should say. But exams are in one more week! That will be a crazy time and then we will be done for the semester! I can't wait. But I'm getting ahead of myself. For now I have to focus on biochemistry. Fun.

The problem is I can't focus. I have gone over a few pages without actually digesting what I'm reading. My brain is focused on something else. It's been like this since yesterday. It's what drove me to have sex with Noah all day. It's what drove me to want to be with him every second, to share my life story with him. I keep thinking about our conversation in bed on Friday. I don't remember telling him I loved him. I know Noah wouldn't make that up. I keep trying to remember what was going through my head when I talked to him last week, but it's all a blank. I don't remember. I don't know why I said it. My mind keeps drifting back to those words. Do I love him? Every time I start to think about it I try to tear away. I'm too scared to answer the question. I'm not ready to be in love. I haven't known him for that long. And me being with him it was all just supposed to be enjoying life and having fun. I'm not supposed to fall in love. He's a guy. I can like him and be with him but can I be in love with him? It's too soon for me to fall in love. I was dating Kate for over a year and I wasn't in love with her. That stuff takes time. It's not like the movies ... Deep down I know I'm fooling myself, but I won't admit it.

I have to read this book. Stop thinking about those words. I fight to stay awake. My eyes start to close. This is so boring. I'm on the edge. No. I can't. Must ... stay ... awake. But I sense darkness around me. Sleep. Comforting sleep.

The door bell brings me back to life. I look up at Noah and he seems just as confused as I am. I don't think he was expecting anyone today. I'm too lazy to get up, so Noah has to slide off the couch to answer the door. He opens it and doesn't say anything. He's as surprised as I am.

"Hi Noah."

"Jenn," he says.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course, yeah, come on in," he says.

I quickly sit up. I wasn't expecting to see her.

"Hi Jordan," she says to me.

"Hi Jenn ... how are you?" I respond.

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm good," I say.

"I'm surprised to see you," Noah says, "but I'm really glad you're here."

"I figured Jordan would be here so I thought I'd come by to see you both," she says.

"I'm glad you came," I reply.

"I know how much this means to Noah, so I thought I would try to patch things up with you," Jenn says to me.

"I'd really like that," I say.

She sits down across from me. "A large part of me is still angry with you. But for Noah I'm trying to forgive you and move on."

"Thank you. I really want this to work out between us and I know how important you are to Noah. I owe you an apology. You have to believe me Jenn when I say I never wanted to hurt you. I liked spending time with you, talking to you, but my heart wasn't there and it wasn't fair to you if I stayed."

"You could have handled it better," she says.

"True, I could have. But in my defence I have to say I was making perhaps one - if not - the biggest decisions of my life. It really was life changing for me. The torment I went through in my head was not easy. I thought there was something wrong with me. We're so programmed in society to think that a guy has to be with a girl that it completely fucked with my mind. I was just trying to deal with so much that I didn't know how to do it all. I know you got caught in the middle of it and that honestly was never my intention," I say.

"You used me as a distraction Jordan," Jenn says.

"I did. I was scared and so I went with what was comfortable. You're right. I won't deny that. But that said, I do like you as a person. I honestly think we can be good friends. We do have a lot in common. And you have to admit you did have fun hanging out with me," I say.

"I did," she says.

"So what does this all mean exactly?" Noah asks.

"I don't think we will be best friends," she says, "or talk the way we used to, but I think it means that slowly we can start to try and rebuild a friendship together."

"I think that's a good start," I say.

"Thanks guys, both of you. You're a good friend Jenn," Noah says.

"I know. You owe me for this Noah, big time," Jenn says to him.

"I'll remember that."

The room goes quiet. The silence is very awkward. I don't know what to say exactly, and it looks like neither do they. How do you just pick up a conversation again? Everything so far we've said seems so contrived and carefully thought out.

"So ..." Noah says looking at both of us."The weather is kind of crazy these days."

"The weather? Really Noah. That's what you want to talk about?" Jenn mocks him.

"No one was saying anything so I had to say something!" He says in his defence.

"Honestly! So, I guess you're still putting up with all of his weird quirks?" Jenn asks me.

"Yep, I have to. What can I say he's growin' on me," I respond.

"Have you noticed yet how he's obsessed with hanging up his clothes in order from darkest to lightest?" she asks me.

"Yes! I know! Who does that!?" I say out a bit too loud.

"Hey, it's not an obsession; I just like things in order." Noah protests.

"And has he let you touch anything in the kitchen like the pots and pans?" Jenn asks me.

"No ... he thinks I'll ruin stuff," I say.

"You do ruin things!" Noah says.

"I've known him for years and he still doesn't lend me anything. He thinks I'll break it," Jenn responds.

"That's because you do break everything or lose it and then lie about it," Noah says. "Both of you have annoying habits too you know, so don't get me started!"

"Well Noah you wanted us to be friends. We had to find something in common. And we both have you to pick on. So really you brought this on yourself," Jenn laughs.

Noah rolls his eyes. I know he won't like being picked on by two people but I know deep down inside he is relieved. I think this is all going to work out just fine.

It's been quite a semester. I can hardly believe there's only one more week left until exams. Then it will be all over. It might be premature to say this, but this very well might be the semester that redefines my life. A moment in time so critical that when I look back on it, reflecting on my life in old age, I may highlight this semester as the most critical juncture. Either it will have been the best time of my life or perhaps the worst. So far I'm leaning towards the first choice but only time will tell how everything unfolds. I would never have guessed in September that a few months later I would be sitting across a guy I can't stop thinking about. The two of us have managed to squeak out some time for each other in our hectic school schedule today for lunch.

"So, how is your week going so far?" I ask Noah.

"It's going. I just have one more paper to get done, then its study time."

"I know man I really need to start studying too. I have all my exams back-to-back next week. The good thing is I am done relatively early, but it's going to be a killer few days."

"I might just prefer that. My exams are all close but then I have a week off between my fourth and last. I'm not done until the fifteenth, so I will be in limbo until then."

"You know I was thinking this morning, today's our last English class together. It all started in that room in September, our first meeting," I say. "Did I ever tell you that I almost dropped the English class before it even started?"

"No you didn't."

"Yeah I was actually thinking it would be better if I just took something easier. So then I looked up a few of the other elective courses I had wanted to take but by then they were all full, so I was actually stuck with English. I was going to check again later but then I forgot and I just kept the English class. Just think how different things would be if I had dropped it."

"Well everything happens for a reason. In this case, a very good reason."

"Yep, I met you."

"That was the second week in September. Now it's the last week of November, almost three months later, and the prof still hates you. So clearly you made a good call sticking with English," he laughs.

"Yeah I'm so screwed. Time sure goes by fast doesn't it? It's only been three months but yet it feels like we've been writing this narrative for over two years now."

"Are you getting sick of me already?" he laughs.

"Not just yet. I'll miss those English classes."

"Why? You hated them and the prof hates you. Even I hate them and I really like English!"

"Well we won't have any classes together anymore. Plus we won't get to make fun of zit-face together," I say.

"Ah, zit-face. Good times. Well at least there will be one good outcome; I won't have any distractions either. Like that whole note fiasco, and then getting kicked out of class!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that. And as far as I remember you were a culprit in that too. I also remember the prof then making me sit at the front so he could observe me. And wait - you still haven't told me what was on that note!"

"And I never will. You'll just have to read it off my face." He puts a lot of emphasis on the word face.

"What?" What the hell is he going on about?

"Oh God; you're clueless," he says with a smile.

"I give up on you. So how is Jenn doing?" I ask.

"She's good. She thought Sunday went well. I think she kind of remembered why she liked you in the first place, you know like how she enjoyed your humour, even though that reminder came at my expense. I think in a bit more time she will be back to her old self again. Right now everyone's just stressed with school crap."

"Well that's good to hear. Even I liked spending time with her again. I like her as a person. She's great and she is really funny, especially when she's picking on you."

"Yeah about that, you two need to stop. I'm not going to be the subject of your jokes."

"Oh who are you trying to fool, you like the attention, admit it," I say.

"I do not ..." He gets cut off mid-sentence.

"Hey man." It's John.

"Hey John, how are you?" Why is it that random people always appear when I am with Noah? I have really bad luck.

"I'm okay. Almost didn't see you there," John says looking at Noah.

"Oh sorry, John this is Noah, and Noah that's John," I say.

"I think I've seen you before," John says. "You were at Jordan's birthday party at Sebastian's place, right?"

"Yes I was," Noah replies.

"Yeah he's my friend from English class. I think I told you about him," I say.

"Right, I remember you telling me about some presentation," John replies sitting down. Great he's staying. "It's nice to meet you man. Aren't you done now with your English class assignments? Exams are next week."

"Yeah we finished about a month or so ago. We actually have our last class in an hour," I say. I don't think I need to explain myself, and why I am having lunch with Noah because it's perfectly natural to do so, but I think I should. "We were just meeting to go over our notes together. Half of this English stuff goes over my head, so I'm getting his help."

"Oh, okay. Cool. Oh, so did I tell you I've been seeing this girl for like three weeks now?"

"No you didn't," I say. He's completely ignorant to the fact that Noah and I were having a conversation. He's turned his back on Noah and is facing me.

"Yeah man it's going really well. I never see you around anymore, otherwise I would have told you," John says.

"Well, I've been crazy busy with school so you can't fault me on that," I say in my defence.

"True, true. I know. This time I think you have a valid reason. Anyway, yeah it's going great with her."

"Is it possible that you are settling down with one girl?" I ask. John has never had anything close to a long term relationship. Three weeks is big for him.

"Dude no, nothing like that. It's just going well so far. Let's hold off on sending out the wedding cards okay," John says with a laugh. "So what about you, are you seeing someone right now? You broke things off with that other girl a while back now ... what was her name again ..."

"Jenn," I say.

"Yeah, her. You never told me why you even ended things with her," John says.

Noah just sits there silently. It doesn't seem like John plans on leaving anytime soon.

"Um, well, it wasn't working out well. We just were different people. I wanted something else and she wanted something else, so I broke it off. No big deal really." I'm trying to be as vague and generic as possible.

"You're so diplomatic. What the bitch wouldn't let you fuck her?"

I see Noah's eyes shoot open. He looks pissed. Clearly he did not like that reference to Jenn. Neither did I. John can't see Noah's facial expressions and that's a really good thing.

"Dude watch what you say. She's not a bitch and don't call her that again. It wasn't her, it was me. She was fine. I just wasn't ready for a relationship."

"Fine, sorry, don't get all serious on me. So then are you seeing anyone else now?"

Noah and I exchange glances. Yes I am, I think to myself, and you're actually ruining it! "Um, no, not right now."

"Well my girl has a really hot friend if you want me to introduce you, even if you just want to bang her. You're probably getting blue balls you've been single for so long now," John says.

"I'm good man, thanks." I probably have a better sex life than you do, retard.

"Suit yourself. I guess you prefer wanking with your hand than doing a hot girl. Anyway so this girl I'm seeing now, she's so fucking hot, the other night we were in my dorm room and ..." John keeps talking as I tune out. Noah is putting away his things. He does some sort of weird hand movement which I think means he will see me later in English class. I just nod and he walks away. "So yeah it was fucking awesome I can't believe ... hey where did your friend go?"

"Oh he had to run for something."

"Who the hell is that anyway?"

"Um, I just told you - Noah."

"Yeah I know you're English partner. Why are you still hanging out with your English partner if you're project's done?"

"What's the big deal? He's my friend," I say.

"He's weird."

"What do you mean he's weird? There's nothing wrong with him." I'm really getting annoyed of John.

"He's quiet and just odd. I remember him at your party, he was, I don't even know how to explain it, but he was just odd. Seemed like a social outcast. Didn't seem to talk to anyone and he seemed kind of angry and upset. He's a nerd. He's the type of kid you used to pick on in high school."

"We didn't go to high school together, so you don't know what I did, and I didn't pick on anyone."

"Oh, whatever. You were into sports and the whole jock personality. He's the geek who walks around with a book in his hand. I know you made fun of those types of kids because everyone did. Heck even loser kids made fun of kids like him."

Fuck this guy is irritating! "Dude act your age. We're not in high school anymore. There's nothing wrong with Noah. He's not a loser and he's not a geek."

"It just doesn't seem like you two have anything in common."

"Why do you care so much? He's fine. He's just shy around people that's all. Besides, I didn't think I needed your permission as to who I'm friends with."

"No need to get all defencive, I was just saying. I don't really care who you hang out with. You're just turning into such a different person that's all. I hardly recognize you anymore ..."

I cut him off. "And you're such an idiot. Jenn is Noah's best friend. He is the one that introduced me to her. Watch what you say in front of him."

"Oh ... I didn't know ..."

"Hang on a second," I say to him. My phone is ringing. It's one my lab partners.

"Hello? Yeah I thought you handed it in. What? He gave it back to you? Why? You're kidding. Shit! How's that possible, you were supposed to ... you didn't ... dude what's wrong with you? How could you not double check ... yeah we're all busy ... fine I'm on my way. Bye." I hang up the phone.

"Shit! There's a problem with one of the projects my group handed in last week," I say to John. "The prof wants us to fix it and resubmit it right away. Sorry man, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure. Bye."

I grab my stuff. Oh man this is the last thing I wanted to deal with. I already have so much work to do as it is. I'm going to be here again until midnight probably. It's such a stupid little mistake too! I can't believe we overlooked it. Well at least the prof is giving us a chance to fix it otherwise we would have failed. This is so annoying. Shit, I should let Noah know I'm not coming to English class. It's not that important anyway, all we are doing is reviewing what we need to study for the exam. I can get the notes from Noah later.

I send him a text: "sorry man not coming to class have to fix a lab. gonna be there till midnight. can you take notes for me too. thx. have fun."

This is going to be a long night.

*** NOAH ***

Freedom! Or well, almost freedom!! My last class was today. I have history in the mornings with Jenn on Fridays. My English class in the afternoon finished on Wednesday so technically I am free now! Of course it's a short lived freedom. Both Jenn and I have our history exam on Monday. Even though there is all this stress from exams, I am so relieved to finally be done with classes. No more lectures at 8 a.m.! Or at least not for a few weeks. Now it's time to cram though - and I mean cram! I have been really bad this semester. Usually I'm a bookworm but Jordan has been such a distraction. A good distraction, but still a distraction. I have a lot of work to get done.

Jenn and I decided to come to the library. She just had to run home to grab some of her notes so I came here, to the secluded spot on the eighth floor. At this time of year the library is jam packed, but this part is always empty. I think it's because most people don't even know it's here. The stacks are set up in a weird way that they actually block off this area. So unless you come back here to get a book you would never know it even exists. Most people just keep on walking thinking there are only rows of stacks. This is the spot I usually always sit in. It's nice and quiet and peaceful. No idiot distracting you. I plan on studying for most of the afternoon. Alright, now time to hit the books. Okay chapter one. Hmm, I wonder what Jordan is up to? No. I shouldn't. I need to read. But I haven't talked to him properly since Wednesday. Poor guy has been working like crazy on his assignment. I grab my phone and dial Jordan.

"Hi you," he says picking up the phone.

"Hey Jordan, how did your lab stuff go?" I ask him.

"Brutal. It was one minor little mistake my partner made. I can't believe I didn't catch it earlier but it managed to mess up everything else. So we had to redo a lot of it. I was on campus till three in the morning. Then I had to get up at eight to go drop it off to the prof again. I was exhausted on Thursday and pretty much slept most of the day. Sorry for not calling you."

"No that's fine, I completely understand."

"I wanted to talk to you about John."

"Oh, why?"

"Just to apologize for him. He can be a jerk sometimes."

"You don't have to apologize for him. I didn't like the Jenn comment or him trying to hook you up with a girl, but that's okay. I know I won't lose you that easy."

"I thought you'd understand. It's just the way he is. He means well. So what's your plan for today?"

"I'm at the library studying right now till nine or so. Then I thought perhaps you could come over tonight."

"Ah, does someone miss me?" he asks.

"I could use a break."

"So could I. Tonight sounds good."

"But you have to leave Saturday morning."

"Who said I was going to spend the night?"

"Well, I thought perhaps you ..."

"You have a dirty little mind Noah," he laughs. "I can tell you're blushing."

"I'm not." I so was. Damn how did he know that? "And please you have a dirtier mind and I know you were thinking the same thing I was. Plus I know how you think which is why you have to leave Saturday morning. We can't have a repeat of last weekend."

"Well that was your fault, you were all over me and if I remember correctly you weren't complaining last weekend when I had you bent over ..."

I cut him off. "Okay, I'll see you tonight."

"Bye Noah. I'll see you later."

I'm going to kick that guy someday. He really likes making things difficult for me. But who am I kidding; I try to do the same thing to him all the time. I'm already getting horny thinking about tonight. Feeling his lips, his skin, his dick ... Shit I need to concentrate! It's time to study!

Oh who am I kidding? I am already getting eager with anticipation. I never knew I would become so addicted to Jordan. It's funny how I was the one who thought we should wait to have sex at first and not Jordan. I was hesitant because I didn't know what to expect. Sure I've seen a lot of gay porn on the net but physically doing it yourself is a whole different thing. I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't like it. I was scared shitless it would hurt - and at first it did. I was also scared of letting someone get close to me; of getting hurt. Besides I'm glad I waited. I think it helped build our relationship and build up our desire for one another. And then when we finally did it ... it was great. Sure there were bumps along the way, like him scrapping my dick with his teeth, but those were minor. Each time we have sex I feel a bit more at ease and adventurous. While it hurt like hell to be fucked at first, now it feels so much better. I feel so weird when he pulls out of me, like I am missing something from inside of me. Mostly all of my inhibitions are washing away. Now, I am not going to eat out his ass or anything like that. That to me is still gross and I will not do that. I have my limits.

The sex is one thing, the intimacy is another. I like being in his arms. I like it when he holds me. Sometimes the best moments are once we are done and just lying in bed, his arms around me, in silence. I feel safe; wanted; protected. It really is this blissful feeling I can't explain. It's not that I'm scared when I am on my own, or I don't feel wanted. It's just the proximity of his body against mine that puts my heart at ease. And I guess one of the most important things is I am getting more comfortable with my own body. I won't say I have an image issue but I know I am not the sexiest man alive. I know I don't have bulging muscles or abs. I'm thin. I'm not like those guys in porn or at the gym. I've always been sort of ashamed of that, like I wasn't good enough for another man because of how I looked. I know that stopped me from trying to hook up with people - girls included - in the past. But when I am naked in front of Jordan now I don't have that same insecurity. He looks at me with lust in his eyes and not disgust. It's allowed me to feel better in my own skin and that's a gift I don't think even he knows he's given me. Because of him I feel more comfortable with who I am and for that I will always be grateful.

Okay, now I must study!

"Hi Noah." The voice comes from behind me.

Shit! Instantaneously my heart starts racing. What the hell is he doing here? How long has he been standing behind me? What did he hear? I don't turn around.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I was just walking by and I saw you so I thought I would say hi."

"Hello and goodbye." I am trying to keep my answers short and to the point.

"How are you?" He asks, coming into view.

"Leave me alone Sebastian." Damn it's so unfair. Why is he so good looking?

"There's no need to be hostile. As I said I just saw you so I thought I'd see how things are going with you."

"Really? You just saw me, sitting here in a secluded part of the library blocked off by books? Or were you looking for me?"

"Saw you, tried to find you, same difference," he replies sitting down beside me.

"What do you want Sebastian?" I ask again.

"Nothing," he says with that stupid smug look on his face. "So, how are things going with Jordan?"

"I have work to do."

"You're still running after him I see."

"Sebastian, I've already asked you nicely to leave me alone."

"I'd never thought he would actually turn out to be gay. Must say that did surprise me."

Crap, how did he know that? Did he hear my conversation? But how would he know I was talking to Jordan? I didn't say his name did I? He's bluffing. He saw us together at volleyball so he is just messing with me.

"I can see you still like making up crap."

He laughs. "You're right, I guess it isn't true. Well if he was why would he be seeing his old girlfriend Kate then?"

He's trying to mess with my head. Don't listen to him. He's a shit disturber. "And I can see you're still delusional. Now I've really enjoyed this chat but again I'm busy so if you don't mind leaving now that would be great."

"Noah if you want to think that, that's fine. The reality is you're the one really in some delusional fantasy." I don't respond to him. There is no point. "Look, I'm only telling you this because you have a right to know and I care for you." As he says this he tries to grab my hand.

I quickly move my hand away. For the first time I look at him. "Do not touch me. You only care for one person Sebastian - yourself. I don't know what games you're trying to play or what you're up to but for the last time, leave me the hell alone."

"That's not true. I care about you Noah. Look, about what happened before ... I'm really sorry about that. I was wrong. I didn't mean to rush you or hurt you. And I'm really sorry for swearing at you. I honestly was just trying to help you. I thought if I pushed you a bit it would help you open up. You were in a rut and you needed encouragement. I was just trying to encourage you. I know I would have really liked it if someone had pushed me a bit when I was coming out. But perhaps I was too rough with you. Again for that I'm sorry. But I do care for you. And that's why you have to ask Jordan about Kate. Ask him if he saw her at the movies last week. I'm sure he will deny everything. If you want to know the truth you have my number, you can call me anytime. My door is always open for you. Remember call me whenever you want. You deserve to know the truth."

He sits there looking at me. I don't say a word and just stare at the book on the desk in front of me. After a few seconds he gets up and leaves. What the fuck was that? He's such a liar. He lied about everything last time. He tried to make Jordan and I fight and he's trying to do the same thing again. He doesn't care about me at all. He only cares about himself. That was a load of crap. Jordan cares about me. I know that. We've been through so much together. The way he makes love to me. It can't be fake. It can't. He isn't seeing his old girlfriend. He hated her. I could even perhaps slightly believe he was cheating on me with another girl but I do not believe he is cheating on me with Kate. I just don't believe it. Sebastian's lying. But why? What does he gain by all of this? Why did he come and find me? How on earth did he even know I was here? This is where he found me last time. He went out of his way to concoct something. But why? It's Sebastian, I'm sure he wants something. Does he want to get back together with me? That doesn't even make sense. We broke things off so long ago. Why now? I hate to admit this but he is still really hot - he could get anyone in the school - anyone. Why is he still messing with me? I really do not need any of this right now.

But did he say Jordan saw Kate at the movies? Was that the girl waiving at him as we were leaving? Jordan said she was a school friend. Sebastian is just messing with me. If Jordan said it was nothing than I am sure it was nothing. Now time to put all this crap aside and do some work. That's much easier said than done.

Where does the time go? It feels like you can't even blink or your life will pass you by. I swear it still feels like November. But here we are, the first week of December already done! I honestly don't know when the day starts and when it ends. I've been crazy busy with exams. I can't believe I just have one more to go. Jordan is just finishing off his last one right now. Both of us had our English exam today. Jordan had all five this week, so you can imagine how busy he was. I've barely seen the guy.

As I said, most of this week just went by in a blur. The past Friday doesn't seem that long ago, when I was sitting in the library and was confronted by Sebastian. Jenn came a short while after Sebastian left. I told her what happened. She seemed as surprised as I was, and couldn't figure out how Sebastian had found me in the library. She also agreed with me that he probably knew shit and was just trying to mess things up. She couldn't seem to figure out why though. I asked her if I should tell Jordan about what he told me. She thought that was probably not a good idea. She told me I needed to have some trust in Jordan and I couldn't believe Sebastian's word especially since he is a proven liar. I agreed with her on that point. I shouldn't doubt Jordan based on what Sebastian has to say. I figured if I saw evidence that something was going on then I would ask him, otherwise I would stay quiet.

Later on that night Jordan came over to my place. I kept thinking about what Sebastian said; it wasn't as easy to push out of my mind as I had hoped. But I stayed true to my commitment and didn't ask Jordan anything about Kate. He too didn't mention anything. That night we made out and fell asleep. Neither of us had any energy for sex. Well, that's not true. What Sebastian said really bugged me and I just couldn't get into the mood. The next morning Jordan went back to his dorm. We both knew that was the right thing to do or we wouldn't get any work done. In hit me a while later that I can't let Sebastian dictate how I feel so Jordan. I can't let him ruin things. Not sleepin with Jordan was a bad mistake. I hate to admit this but it was I who cracked first, even though I constantly bug him. I had to feel Jordan inside of me. I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking about him. I finally called him on Sunday and he came over right away. He too needed a sex break. He also came over last night as well. I was studying for English and naturally he kept popping up in my mind. He then called and we went through our notes together and one thing led to another, and the next thing you know I'm bent over and he's fucking me. Sometimes you need a bit of sex to relieve stress. It's very therapeutic!

Now I did manage in all of that time to study. I did have four exams this week. Most of my time I spent preparing for them. Studying for English didn't really take that much time ... not that either of us did much of that. Come on, if you had two options before you, studying or sleeping with Jordan which would you pick? I thought so. Besides I felt prepared. The exam wasn't too bad. I just finished writing mine and am now waiting outside in the hall. Jordan was scribbling down something rapidly when I left the room. The prof gave me my English paper as I left. I did alright, got an A minus. The prof didn't seem to deduct any participation marks either. He wrote down all of our marks on the paper so we could calculate what we were going into the exam with. I'm sitting at an A minus right now so it's not bad at all ... much better than I expected.

"FREEDOM!" Jordan yells throwing both of his hands in the air as he exits the room.

"Lucky jerk. How did it go?" I ask him.

"Not too bad actually. I was expecting worse. What did you think?"

"I thought it was okay. Just a lot of writing. My hand started to hurt."

"Yeah man, near the end my writing looked like chicken scratch. I'm not sure how the prof is going to read any of that."

"Well that's his problem now," I say. "So, did you want to come over to my place for lunch?"

"Is that what we're calling it now?" he smiles.

"Yes it's still called lunch. I'm actually really hungry!"

"So am I. Sounds good."

"So how did you do on the paper?" I ask.

"An A. You?"

"That's good. I got an A minus."

"I beat nerd boy! Right on."

"Whatever. Did he deduct any marks for participation from you?"

"Nope ten out of ten."

"What? I got an eight, and I went to more classes than you and spoke up too!"

"Really? Damn I thought he hated me?"

"Well clearly he doesn't. You may make fun of me all you want but it looks like it's your pants the prof wants to get into."

"Oh don't be the jealous type. I just earned it that's all. I'm a good student!"

I just glare at him. "Really?"

"Fine, even I don't believe that. I'm surprised especially after that whole note fiasco. Okay you have to tell me now - what did you write on that note? Clearly it made him like me again. Was it about me or him or what?"

"Well it was about a person, yes."

"Someone I know?"

"Yes."

"Who?" he asks.

"Well you'll just have to PORE over the clues to figure it out, now won't you."

"So you're still going to be cryptic eh," he says while rolling his eyes.

"And you're still clueless. So what are you going into the exam with?"

"An A. What about you?"

"A minus."

"Oh."

"Stop grinning so much!" Argh he's so annoying!

"I can't help it. I'm happy and surprised. I really thought he hated me! Anyway I'm done! The semester is over!!!"

"Man you're so lucky. I still have one more to go next Friday."

"At least you get a week to study ... not like me where I had to just cram," he says.

"Yeah, that never happens. I know I'm going to be lazy the first few days and then cram on Thursday," I say. "Besides now that you're done, I'm sure you will be around to distract me from work."

"Um, actually I forgot to tell you. I'm not staying the week on campus anymore like I had planned. I talked to my mom last night and she asked me to come home early. She wants me to spend time with her, and then visit my dad too before I come back to school."

My heart sinks. "Oh, I thought you weren't going to your dad's this year?"

"I wasn't planning on it. I don't even want to. I don't see why now that he's older and his health isn't that great that he wants to spend time with me. Where the hell was he after the divorce? I didn't see him for months at a time or a year. I don't remember spending any winter breaks with him when I was younger. But my mom wants me to go. I tried to talk her out of it. I spent most of this past summer with him because of her. But my mom is adamant I spend some time with him during the holidays. She says if I don't now I'll regret it later. I doubt that."

"Jordan she loves you and I'm sure she is only looking out for what's best for you."

"Well I would rather spend my holidays with her - a woman who has done everything for me - and not a guy who only seems to have remembered he has a soul and a son now."

"That's a bit harsh."

"I don't think it is. I don't respect him and I don't know why I have to spend time with him. But I promised my mom I would, so I have to."

"When do you leave?" I ask him.

"Monday."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry. I know we had planned to spend time together during the holidays. See even now after so many years my dad finds a way to ruin ..."

I cut him off. "It's okay. I understand. You're family is important. When do you get back?"

"The Sunday before school starts, I think January 10th or something like that."

January 10th? That's a month. A whole month! "So pretty much a month." I try not to sound too dejected.

"Yeah a month. I'm so sorry Noah. I really wanted to spend this time with you. It also doesn't help we're flying to opposite ends of the country."

"Don't be. I'm leaving on the 18th and coming back on the 5th. So it's not like I was going to be here the whole time either. And it's only a month. We'll survive." I'm not sure how. A whole month without getting to kiss those lips.

"I hope so. I'm not sure I can stay that long without seeing you or being with you," he tells me.

"You'll be fine. I promise." By this time we've reached my place. "So why didn't you tell me this last night when you came over?"

He grins and looks away. "Because I didn't want to upset you before your exam."

"And the real reason?"

"That is the real reason!" he says.

"So why the grin?"

"What grin? I'm not grinning." He tries to look at me with a straight face. "Fine! I really wanted to fuck you last night. There are you happy now? I thought you would be too upset for sex so I didn't tell you. A guys gotta do what a guys gotta do to get laid."

"You're such an idiot. True I would have been upset but then knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep with you for a whole month I would have rocked your world last night." I lean against him, running my hand over his dick. "I would have given you so much pleasure you would have had an orgasm like no other. But now you've missed your chance and you'll never know what that type of hungry sex feels like. Oh well, you're loss."

"I didn't think of that. But I'm still leaving, so we could try some of that out right now ..."

"Now it's too late," I say breaking away. "Anyway what do you want for lunch?" Oh how I love teasing him.

"You."

"To eat smart ass!"

"Whatever you have is fine."

Sometimes it's so easy to push Jordan's buttons. I can see I got him a bit aroused there. I start to grab stuff out of the fridge while Jordan sets the table. I'm going to miss this. A whole month without him. Crap! What am I going to do? He doesn't seem happy either. He really seems to hate his dad. We've talked about all of this before but each time he seems to open up to me more and more. I like how he's starting to share his feelings with me. It really shows me that he trusts me. I haven't been honest with him though. I haven't shown him the same respect. I should have told him about Sebastian. He has a right to know. I shouldn't have hidden it. Plus while I know Sebastian was lying this will let me clear everything up with Jordan about Kate. That though is secondary. The most important thing is that I shouldn't hide stuff from Jordan.

"Jordan," I say once we are sitting and eating, "I've been meaning to tell you something. Last week Sebastian came looking for me in the library."

He is about to bite down on his sandwich but stops. "What the fuck did he want?" he asks angrily.

"Well, he was specifically looking for me. I think he was trying to uh, to mess with my head."

His face is expressionless. I'm not sure how to read it. "How?"

"He said he knew you're gay."

"He what?" I sense a lot of panic in his voice.

"He's lying. He doesn't know anything. I think he said that because he wanted me to confirm it to him - which I didn't do. He said he knew I was still running after you and I didn't respond to that. So he said he was surprised you're gay. I again didn't respond to that. I think he's bluffing. He knows shit. He saw us together at the volleyball game and just thought he would try to learn something against you. It was all a rouse to see what I would say."

Jordan doesn't say anything for a few moments. "If he tells people ..."

"They won't believe him. You've had girlfriends. You sure don't act gay or say anything that's obviously gay. No one knows about us so he has no proof. Besides - he won't say anything. He knows you can out him too."

"So then what's his end game?" Jordan asks. He still seems very frightened by the prospect of being outed.

"I don't know," I say. "I think it's some weird sort of twisted way to get to you by getting me."

"What?" He looks confused.

"He knows we're friends. That much is obvious. Sebastian blames our breakup on you. I didn't sleep with him and he said it was because I had feelings for you. So he lost me to you in a way. Then he saw us together at volleyball and that probably pissed him off. He doesn't like you anymore after your fight - I'm assuming that. He's a competitive guy - you know that. Maybe because he couldn't have me he doesn't want you to either? I know that sounds conceited. I'm not sure why he would go through all this trouble to end - what he thinks - is our friendship."

He shakes his head. "But that doesn't make sense. Why would he tell you I'm gay? Isn't that exactly what you want to hear?"

"Well, it was more of what he said after that ..."

That same look of anger from before creeps onto Jordan's face. "What did he say?"

"Look Jordan ... I don't believe him. This is why I didn't mention any of this before because I didn't want you to think I have doubts about you. I trust you. I know he is bullshitting. I want you to know that ... he said you're dating Kate again. He said you met her at the movies. But I know that's not true, because the night he mentioned we went to the movies together, so you couldn't have possibly seen her that night too. So he's lying. I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this. I should have told you before."

Jordan closes his eyes and lowers his head. He sighs. "You shouldn't apologize to me ... actually I should be the one apologizing to you. Sebastian isn't entirely lying."

You know that feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach when you sense something isn't right. Well that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Something isn't right. I have a bad feeling about this. What the hell is Jordan talking about?

*** JORDAN ***

Shit. I'm caught. I should have told him. Not even did I not tell him but I lied to him. I didn't do anything, yet I still feel so guilty. I didn't think he'd find out. Besides nothing happened. But I still should have told him.

"I'm not dating Kate ... but ... I actually did see her at the movies the night we went out. I went to the washroom and when I came out she was there. She said hi to me and I said hi back. When I saw her I didn't feel angry like before. I'm in a much better place now - I have you - and I just thought it was best to let all of that anger go. So when I saw her I was polite. I asked her how she was. We talked for a few minutes. She asked me if I was dating anyone. I should have said yes, but I didn't want her to ask questions so I said no. She told me how she broke up with her boyfriend - the guy she dumped me for. And then she told me how she should never have let me go. She said it was a big mistake and that she wanted to be friends again and work towards rebuilding our relationship. I was shocked. I told her I had moved on. She said we should talk and try to be friends again. I didn't want to argue with her, and I wanted to get her off my back, so I told her I would think about it."

Noah doesn't say anything. No acknowledgement. No nod. Nothing. SAY SOMETHING! I feel like such an ass.

I continue, "That's the girl who was waiving at me as we left the theatre. I should have told you then who she really was. I'm sorry. I didn't think I would ever hear from her again, so I just thought it was better to ignore her. But I got confused. It doesn't even make sense. I know I hate her. I didn't like the way she treated me in the end. I can't trust her ever again. But for a second - and you have to believe me it was only a second - I was confused. I thought about what it would mean if I were to get back together with her. It was almost like a last ditch chance to walk away from being gay. It would mean no more obstacles, no more hiding or lying or uncertain future."

Noah lowers his eyes. He looks so hurt. This is why I didn't want to tell him any of this.

"That second of doubt had nothing to do with you Noah. You have to trust me. I ... I've never met anyone like you. I like being with you. I feel this electricity in me when your lips touch mine. I've never felt this way dating anyone else before. You get me. You understand me. You like me the way I am. I lost sight of that for just one second. I'm still getting used to being gay - and for a second Kate was my cowardly exit if I needed one. But I don't need one. If anything Noah that second of doubt was probably a blessing in disguise. After that second I knew I didn't want to go back to people like Kate. I knew that this is the path I've chosen and I'm going to stay on it. I've had the thought before - and I know you have - that one day I would wake up and convince myself I'm straight. But I know that's not going to happen. I'm here to stay. I've been tempted by the devil and I refused. I'm not going anywhere. Trust me Kate did try. She called me after and emailed me and even showed up at my volleyball practice. I ended up going for coffee with her after practice was over. The only reason why I did that was because I wanted to spell it out clearly to her we were over, and that she needed to stop. That's the only reason why I saw her. But I had made up my mind the first night I saw her - the night we went out on our date. Do you remember that night, the second time we had sex?"

Noah doesn't say anything. He still isn't looking at me.

"You said to me I was different. You said how I felt more comfortable and you were right. That was when I knew that the outside world distractions weren't going to bug me - I wasn't going to let them bug me anymore. I knew I wanted you and only you; that I wasn't going to be led astray by someone else. Kate was a test and it's a test I passed. I felt so much better about myself and I wanted to make you feel as special as I did. That night was the true me. It was the true showcase of how I feel about you."

Noah still doesn't say anything.

"Look Noah," I go on, "I should have told you all of this. I didn't because I knew it would upset you. Yes Kate asked me to go out with her again. Yes I thought about it for a second. But ultimately I said no. You're the only person I need and you have to believe me on that. Please say something."

He's silent for a few seconds. "You should have told me."

"I should have. But I didn't want to upset you and you are upset now."

"Jordan I'm not upset about Kate or about you having doubts. Heck I've had my own doubts too. I'm upset because you didn't trust me. You should have told me what happened. You should have told me that was Kate waiving at you. I would have understood. I wouldn't have said anything. If you told me you ran into her and she asked you out and you said no, I would have trusted you. If you then told me she showed up and you went out for coffee with her so that you could tell her it was over - I still would have trusted you. Even now when you say nothing happened between you two ... I believe you. But again you should have told me."

"I'm really sorry Noah. Do you forgive me?"

"I don't know. I'm just confused - to borrow a word from you. I feel like you violated my trust. I'm just unsure what to take away from all of this. Can I fault you for having doubts ... no. I don't like it but me being mad at that would be hypocritical. I've had doubts too. You're only human. This is so much more difficult than I thought it would be."

"It is - but we have each other so it makes it so much easier. What have you had doubts about?"

"You. Us. This relationship. Where we're going. But I've put those thoughts out of my head. We have so much to worry about already. I just want to have fun and live my life. Where this goes it goes. Look Jordan, I can bog myself down with doubt. I can torment myself with the thought of you being with someone else. Or I can just be happy for what I have. I've chosen that. I trust you and I don't want that to be a blind trust."

"It isn't Noah, I promise you."

"Next time tell me if any girl is trying to woo you please."

"I will. I promise. So are we okay?"

"I'm not ..." he pauses as a thought comes across his face. "Wait, go back a bit. You said Kate came to your volleyball practice and you went out with her that night right?"

"I didn't go out with her - we had coffee."

"I mean you left together. Was Sebastian there?" Noah asks.

"Yeah he was."

"Oh, so that's probably where he got the idea that you two are dating again."

"That actually makes sense," I say. "And Kate was already at practice before I got there. So she could have talked to Sebastian before I arrived. Maybe that's where he got this stuff from."

"Probably. So do you see my point now? Sebastian went out of his way to find me and tell me. He even apologized for what happened in his apartment and said his door is always open for me at any time. He's trying to create a wedge between us."

"I'm going to kill that fucking bastard."

"Calm down. Remember how you said you had ditched you're anger for Kate? Well ditch it for Sebastian too. He's not worth it. We know his plan now so it doesn't matter."

"How can anyone be that manipulative?"

"I don't know."

"It seems like the world is against us," I say. I really do feel that way.

"Screw the world. We have each other."

"So you're not angry then?"

"No. Life's too short to be angry."

Noah is amazing. I can't imagine any of my old girlfriends not being mad after what I just said. They would be furious. Heck I think I would be furious if Noah did that. And even the whole doubt part. Noah got it. He didn't judge me, or get all angry or make it about himself. These are the traits that draw me to him. And he's right; screw the world. Screw what people think. We already have enough obstacles that we don't need to create any more. What am I waiting for? What am I scared of? I keep saying I won't let him enter me because I think it will hurt. Who am I kidding? I won't let him because getting fucked would be the last barrier to really being gay. But you know what it doesn't matter. I'm gay and I'm with Noah. And it's time he fucked me too.

"I've been thinking ... I think I'm ready. I want you to ... to fuck me," I tell him.

He looks shocked for a moment. Then he smiles. "You don't have to prove anything to me. I trust you. It's fine. Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready. I've connected with you in the most intimate way that I can think of. I've been inside of you. I know that sounds all romantic and all but it's true. And now I want you inside of me."

His fingers feels cold. It makes me shudder as he presses them against my hole. I can do this. I'm ready. I know I am. He seems to enjoy it so much when I fuck him. I should be able to as well. But it looks so painful. His dick isn't huge, but it isn't small either. Not sure I can take it up there. But I will try. For him I will try.

"Relax your muscles," Noah says to me in a calm voice.

"I'm trying ..."

We made out for a while so I could get comfortable. It made me hard and very horny. Noah also gave me another fantastic blow job which really helped me get into the mood. Now I'm lying down on my side facing Noah with one leg on top of his. His hand is behind me, feeling my ass. I've closed my eyes. Not sure why, but I thought that would help. So far his finger is just circling my hole. The lube feels like it's made of ice! He puts more on and lathers it all over his finger.

"Okay buddy, here I go ..." he says.

He places the tip of his finger at the edge and pushes it in. My ass tries to fend off the foreign invasion - but he's persuasive and I give in. He slowly slides it in up to his knuckle and then waits. SHIT! This burns! Now I know what he was talking about!

"Does it burn?" he asks.

"Uh, no." Not sure why I lie. Trying to act manly in front of my man!

He continues to slide in and eventually gets his entire finger in. Holy shit this burns. Why does this burn so much? My teeth are clenched so hard I feel like they're going to break. Why did I agree to this? I must really like this guy to do this! After about ten seconds or so, he takes his finger out. Oh thank God. That feels much better. My hole closes up like nothing has ever been inside of it. That feels good. Oh wait ... there he goes again. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

"You okay?" Noah asks.

"Fine."

"You're grinding your teeth."

Oh. Stop that. Okay it's starting to burn a little less. It doesn't hurt that bad ... wait it does, there are two fingers now in me! He pushes them in slowly but damn does it hurt! He stops when he gets to his knuckles. Oh breathe. Relax. Don't be so tense. It only will hurt more. Relax. Exhale. Okay - so that's two fingers in now. I can handle this. I'm a man. Guys get fucked. It's no big deal. Shit I'm going to have a panic attack. Three fingers! I bite down on my lip. I must say Noah is very good at this. He's very slow and very gentle. He's using lots of lube which seems to help. I'm not sure which is worse - the burning or the pain. It comes down to which is the lesser of two evils. He leaves his fingers in there for a few seconds. He then takes out all three and puts two back in. Two don't seem as bad as three now. He starts to move them around sort of like in a circle. He starts pressing against the sides ... and ... oh ... shit ... that felt kind of good. Painful .. yet good.

"Okay buddy ... you ready?"

"I guess so," I say. "What's the least painful way to take it?"

"Um, I don't really know. You're the one who read all those manuals."

I stick my tongue out at him. I know, childish. I suggest doggie style. I actually don't want to look at Noah when he fucks me. Or I don't want him to see my red face. I get on all fours on the bed and he gets behind me. He spreads some more lube over my ass and then puts on a condom. He moves his knees up and gets closer behind me. He then places the tip of his dick at my ass. Ok. No problem. I can do this. This is going to be fine. Piece of cake. Walk in the park. It won't hurt if you don't let it hurt. That's right. I control this. He pushes in slightly. FUCK! Oh crap. His head pops in. He places a hand on my waist to steady himself. He stops.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Keep going. Just push it in." That will make it better.

"Um, you sure?"

"Yeah just do it."

He slowly starts to push it in. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He stops when I feel his skin against my ass. Okay. It's in. I bite down on my lips hard. My eyes are clenched shut and the sheets are tightly wound between my fingers.

"Relax Jordan. Breathe. It will be easier if you're not so tense."

"I'm not tense. I'm fine. Keep going."

He pulls out of me. Oh fuck that hurt. "We can try another time if you want."

"I want to do this. Keep going. Stuff me! I'm fine."

"If you clench those sheets any tighter, you might just lose blood flow to your hands. I'm not stupid."

"Fine. It hurts. Shit it hurts! But guys do this. And I'll be fine. Keep going. Please."

"Fine."

Again he starts to push back into me. Okay relax. Just relax. Do not tighten your ass muscles. Be calm. Soon he is back into me fully. He starts to take it out and then put it back in a few more times. Shit this hurts. How do guys do this? Holy crap! The pain eases a bit. Slowly. Very slowly. It takes some time for my ass to get used to this foreign invasion - but it's starting too. At one point in time he hits that spot again - the spot that made me feel good before. That's probably the prostate. That actually feels good. He starts to build into a slow rhythm. I've let go of the sheets now - and not clenching as hard on my teeth.

"Feel better?" Noah asks me.

"Yeah ... yeah ... I do. It's getting better."

He keeps his pace slow which is good. I'm not ready for hard thrusts. It's been a few minutes now and the pain is there but a bit less. This feels pretty good once you factor out the pain. It feels different. I feel ... well, full. Noah's going a bit faster now. I can hear him breathing harder now too. He is still rather slow, which is good because my ass still hasn't fully adjusted. It feels kind of good ... I can see the appeal. But if it is still going to hurt like this I'm not sure I can do this again. I really hope this pain goes away soon. Noah continues to hit that spot - the spot that sends this weird sensation through me.

"Fuck Noah ... yeah that's it ... give it to me ... I want to feel you ... go on ..."

He obliges. He pushes in a bit harder. More and more. I don't know why I'm egging him on because it only creates more pain. But I want to do this for him. I need to do this for him.

"That's it ... oh you feel so good ..."

"Shut .... up ... Jordan ... I know ... you're ... lying ..." he says between thrusts.

A few seconds later he pulls out and takes of his condom and lies down.

"Why did you stop?" I ask him lying down beside him.

"That's good for now. You're still in pain. We'll try again another time. I promise it won't hurt as much."

He grabs my dick and starts jerking me off. I grab his dick too. My ass starts feeling better a few moments later but my hole feels oddly bigger. It feels weird. Okay focus on Noah's dick. I start pumping him faster. I can tell he is almost near the edge. His body is starting to tense up. I'm not too far behind either. Both of us erupt into orgasm at almost the same time. We both shoot out streams of white juice onto our bodies. I'm surprised at how strong my own orgasm is. Having someone else jerk me off always makes me cum harder. I take my tongue and lick some off of his stomach and then roll on top of him, mixing our cum together on our bodies. I kiss him deeply.

"Thank you," he says looking into my eyes. I'm about to say something but he stops me, putting his hand over my mouth. "Thank you. Let's just leave it at that."

"You're welcome."

What a guy. You know what? I might be able to eventually get used to this.

*** NOAH ***

The silence kills me; it pierces through my veins, driving me mad. There is noise all around me, yet I hear nothing; to me it's all mute. Nothing matters. All that does is who is standing in front of me. Neither of us says a word. It's his silence that I can't stand. I want him to say something ... anything. We both just stand there staring off into the distance. I don't have the courage to look him in the eyes. I notice his lips part as if he is about to say something. My heart skips a beat. He seems to think for a second and then closes his mouth. There is so much to say, so much I need to say, but I can't find the words. My emotions are swelling up inside, bubbling like lava in a volcano before it erupts, spewing ash everywhere. The moment is coming close. He's going to leave. My body is screaming at me to stop him, but I know I don't have a choice. He has to go. He has to. I'm really going to miss him.

I struggle to look at him. "Bye Jordan," I say, defeated.

"Goodbye Noah."

I'm at the airport with him. He has his ticket in his hand and is ready to go.

"Have a good flight. Call me when you get there."

"I will. Take care of yourself. Bye," he says to me.

He gives me a hug and holds onto me. This is it. I'm not going to see him for a month! He moves away, smiles, and walks away towards security. A whole month without him. The thought is making me go crazy all ready. We have so much unfinished business. The last forty-eight hours were heavy. After the talk we had on Friday we just connected again. We had sex countless times over the weekend. We were glued to one another. I guess that's partially because we knew we would be separated for so long. Knowing that just kept driving up our lust for one another. He also let me fuck him again and the second time was much better. It felt great to finally be able to fuck him, to move our relationship to the next level. It was my first time fucking a guy and I loved it. It felt awesome. His virgin hole was so tight it drove me crazy. He wouldn't admit it but I think he liked it a lot too. But it wasn't just us being horny. There was something else. There was a feeling so strong I haven't felt for anyone I've ever dated. I know what it is. It's true. I know it's true. It hit me a long time ago and I knew it. I was just too scared to admit it. But what's stopping me? I've already put myself out there. I'm not going to see him for a month! Anything can happen in that time. He needs to know. I have to tell him before he leaves.

"Jordan wait!" I call out to him. He doesn't seem to hear me. He hasn't gone in security just yet. Before you enter they check to make sure you don't have any liquids on you. I run towards him. "Jordan!" He hears me and turns around. I wave at him to come towards me. I grab him by the arm and take him to the side.

"What's up Noah?" He looks confused.

Okay I just have to spill it out; put it all out on the line. No stopping. No breathing. Just say it. Go. "Jordan, this past weekend with you ... this whole time dating you ... it's been ... it's been the best time of my life," I am panting while I say this. I am completely out of breath. "We've had our fair share of problems I know - but it hasn't mattered. Being with you has been worth every single second. These past few weeks I've felt wanted, respected ... I've felt like your equal and no one has ever treated me like that." My heart is pounding. It feels like it will shatter any moment. And it might. "I've felt like I have something to hold onto ... a reason to get up in the morning ... a reason to keep going. You're that reason. You're the first thing I think about in the morning and at night. Knowing I'm going to see you makes me happier. It's the highlight of my day. These past few weeks have been bliss with you. I've never felt this way about anyone. I ... you have to know how I feel about you. I want you to know. It's okay if you don't feel the same way. It's okay. I won't be hurt. I just ... I need you to know. I want you to know. I want you to know how much I care." I know I'm rambling. People are starting to stare at us. Jordan is transfixed. "Jordan ... I ... I love you."

His jaw drops and his eyes widen. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't love me. Shit! What have I done? The silence will be the end of me. There can't be any silence. I keep talking. I'm like a train wreck ... I can't stop. "I've known for some time now but I just was afraid of getting rejected. But it doesn't matter ... I just .. I know it's true and I'm not afraid of it anymore. But it's okay. You don't feel the same way about me. It's okay. I just had to tell you that I'm in love with you ... madly, deeply, insanely and I ..."

I stop. Jordan seems to come towards me as if he's about to ... he wouldn't do that here. He stops himself and looks around as if he just realized where we were. He looks me in the eyes with this seriousness I haven't seen before. "I never thought it was possible I could feel this way about a guy," he says. "Heck, I still remember trying to wash these thoughts out of my head when I first met you. Even when I kissed you the first time in the gym I didn't know where this was all leading. At that time it seemed like I was acting on a whim. Yet the more time we spent together the more sure I became. You're not like anyone else. I feel the same way about you. Waking up next to you is ... is like a dream ... it makes my day. When you're not around ... when I'm alone in bed at night ... I think of you ... think of curling up next to you ... think of touching you. I ... it's weird ... it's only been a short time. I've dated girls longer and never felt this connected with them ... but you ... you get me. When you told me about how I said I loved you ... I thought about it and it scared me. I thought I was falling too hard for you. I thought it was too soon. I thought it was wrong to feel this way. I tried to distance myself from that. But I was kidding myself. My mind already said to you what my heart was too afraid to." He pauses to breathe and looks straight into my eyes. "Noah I love you too."

Wow. I finally exhale. It felt like I couldn't breathe for the last few moments. He grabs me and hugs me. I hold onto him tightly. We stand like that for a few seconds. I close my eyes. I can't believe it. He loves me. He loves me too. Once the shock wears off I break into a smile. Then something dawns on me. "Move in with me. When you come back from the holidays, don't go back to the dorm ... to that empty bed by yourself ... come live with me."

"Are you sure?" He has this eagerness in his eyes.

"Absolutely."

"I'd love to," he says.

I don't think I could have a bigger smile on my face. I almost feel like I'm going to cry with joy. I then see the clock on the wall. My moment of bliss is broken. "You have to go." And there goes that smile.

"I really wish I didn't have to."

"So do I. But you're running late. Go!"

"I'll call you when I get there."

"You better. We have lots to talk about."

"For sure. Bye Noah."

"Bye Jordan."

He turns around and starts to walk away. He yells out - not too loud - but enough so that I can hear him, "oh fuck it!" He steps back towards me and before I can even blink his lips are on mine. He's kissing me. In the airport. In front of thousands of people. And this isn't a light peck. No. He's kissing me. His hands are on my cheeks holding me close. It's a long, deep, kiss as his tongue explores my mouth. When it's over I can barely stand. I'm weak at the knees. I feel numb. If my heart was pounding before - well now it's in over drive. People are staring at us, but I don't care. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

"Still think I'm a chicken?" he asks me.

No words come out. He lightly kisses me again on the mouth.

"One for the road," he winks at me. "Screw the world. Let them stare, they always will. Bye Noah. You take care now." He has this grin on his face. I'm still in utter disbelief.

"Bye Jordan," I whisper.

When I finally break out of the trance I see people are staring at me. You know what - as Jordan - or sorry, my boyfriend who loves me said - fuck it! I look at some people gawking at me with a 'what the fuck is your problem' kind of look. They turn away. My boyfriend loves me so they can stare all they want. Nothing's going to bring me down tonight.

End of Chapter 15. Hope you liked it.

So who picked up Noah's subtle hints as to what was written on that note? If you think you know who the note was about than let me know. Send it to me at mr_e08@hotmail.com before the next chapter is out. The lucky winner will get something. I just haven't figured that out yet. Most likely the next chapter first. Or you can suggest something and I might take it into consideration.

Like always - if you have any comments or feedback shoot me an email at mr_e08@hotmail.com or through the group page.

Till next time folks!

Ethan.