I don't even remember waking up. All I knew was that I was suddenlylooking in front of me at a wall. A wall six feet away from the foot ofthe bed I was in. It was a hospital bed. As my head came out of a fog,the sounds of a hospital came alive. The beeps, the ticks, the thumps.
All I could remember from earlier was an bright lights & loud sirens atmy house. I remembered people all around me, looking down on me, like Iwas pathetic. I recalled my dad, with Jade in the hospital with me,telling me things would be ok.
I was alone in the room. Ishifted a bit to make myself more comfortable. A sudden pain shotthrough my body from my side. I yelped in pain as I stopped moving& waited for the pain to die away. When it did, I slowly moved myarm underneath my hospital gown, where there were several stitchespatching up my hip.
My head was spinning. I didn't like beingalone. In fact, it was scaring me. I didn't even see anybody in thehallway outside my door.
"Hello?" I tried to say, but it onlycame out as a hoarse, strained call. Quick images were flashing throughmy head & I was getting more anxious by the second.
"Hello?" I tried calling again.
Just then, my dad came into the room before I became hysterical.
"Noah!" he exclaimed, running over to my bedside & wrapping me in his strong arms. I buried my face into his sleeve.
"Oh god, Noah..." he said with a tear falling down his cheek.
"I'm sorry dad..." I said, starting to become upset again. I didn't think I could possibly have any tears in me left.
"You don't have to apologize to me Noah, you did nothing wrong."
I rested my head back against the pillow.
"I told you I didn't like them," I said.
"I had no idea THIS would happen," he said through the tears that were coming.
Just then, Jade walked in.
"I swear to god I'm gonna kill that girl," he said angrily.
"I'llcall the police & then we'll fix this, I promise you that Noah," mydad said, placing his hand on my neck. I flinched but I allowed it.
"Mr. Lainer?"
The three of us looked at the doorway where a nurse was standing there with a clipboard.
"We'regonna need you to fill out some paper work regarding your son &some tests we'd like to take. If you'd like, we have a phone so you canmake some calls."
Dad gave me a gentle kiss on the head, tears slowly falling. He got up & followed the nurse.
Jadewalked over next to my bed & sat down in the chair. Neither of ussaid anything for a while. He looked down into his lap while Icontinued to stare off at the wall. The sounds of busy doctors,bustling nurses, coughing patients, yelling surgeons, phones ringing,stretchers being wheeled & mechanical beeps flooded my ears. Thehospital was alive & it seemed as though all of its noise wascoming at me, trying to get deeper into my head while I just wanted tocrawl back into the corner with peace & whatever sanity I had left.
Theroom was quiet though. I looked over at Jade. I didn't notice it atfirst, but when I looked closer at his down turned eyes, I was shocked.He was crying.
"J?" I asked.
"Yeah?" he sniffled, keeping his head down.
I stared at him as he slowly broke down.
"What's wrong?"
He dragged his fingers through his hair & looked up but didn't look me in the eye at first.
"She hurt you Noah, THAT'S what's wrong. That bitch did this to you."
I kept watching him.
"Imean...what if I was there, or what if we were still together orSOMETHING. Maybe I could have done something. I've always tried to bethe kind of best friend who doesn't let his friend get hurt but..." hetrailed off.
"Jade, this isn't your fault at all" I said, shocked that the thought had crossed his mind.
"You were just feet away from me, next door, being abused like this & I...I didn't..."
"It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself."
"Well it feels like it," he said angrily.
Itwasn't his fault one bit. It was shocking to me that he would eventhink that. But at the same time, I knew what was going through hishead.
"You always told me that it was never my fault that my mother died," I said after a moment.
"It wasn't."
"Why?"
"Because there was nothing you could do about it. It was just a horrible case of bad luck & yes, I know what you're saying."
"I hope so."
He sighed.
"Do you ever still feel guilty?" he asked.
"Sometimes," I admitted. "I know it wasn't...but that doesn't take back the guilt."
He wiped a few tears away.
"If anything...I'm the one who should have been more careful," I said.
He gave a stressed laugh.
"So what, you're gonna blame yourself, I'm gonna blame myself & what, your dad is gonna blame HIMSELF."
I smiled.
"Probably."
"Noah, we all know whose fault this really is."
I nodded.
"She's not gonna get away with this ya know. I bet your dad is on the phone with a lawyer or the cops right now."
"I hope so."
"Noah honey?"
I looked over at the doorway where a nurse was standing there.
"Is it ok if we just run a couple small tests? Just to see how you're holding up," she said with a sad smile.
"Yeah," I replied.
Jade stood up & started to leave as the nurse came over.
"Jade," I said just before he walked out. He looked back at me.
"Thanks for everything," I smiled.
He smiled back at me & walked out.
Iwas released from the hospital two days later. The doctors wanted tocheck up on my waist as well as any other physical or psychologicalinjuries. I'd bet my soul they one one two damn psychological injuries.
Mostof the following week was full of check up at the hospital, statementsto the police & sessions with the attorney, sleeping & juststaying home. A week and a half after the incident, I was back atschool. The hospital evaluation said I was healthy enough to resumenormal school life, but to take it very easy.
When I got offthe bus, I noticed a few kids now & then would look over at me. Itried to ignore their stares, but it didn't help much. Jade was walkingwith me the entire time.
Out of nowhere, Collin & Rosewalked up to me. Collin gave me a smile. Rose was holding back tears asshe wrapped her arms around my neck & held me. I slowly wrapped myarms around her.
"I'm so sorry Noah," she said.
I felt ahand on my shoulder as I saw Randy & Jeff standing there. Alex& Dane walked up, with Gina not far behind. Gina joined in the hugas Collin had his around me.
"Good to have ya back buddy," Collin smiled.
I nodded as Gina & Rose let go.
"How ya holdin' up?" Alex asked.
"Good I guess, for now. My dad is having charges pressed & I'm alive, so that's good," I managed a weak laugh.
"I wanna kill her," Gina said.
"Join the club," I chuckled.
"YOU'RE in the 'kill Shannon' club?" Jade asked with an odd, crooked smile.
"Uh, yeah, duh. Dude, do you NOT know what she did to me? To hell with her."
Jade was giving me an unreadable face. He just looked at me, blinking, but not really reacting or saying anything.
Thenext few days went by fairly smoothly. People seemed to either give mespace or were extra nice to me, which started to become obvious & Ididn't like that. The guidance office set me up sessions for me &the school psychologist. They went well for the most part, & I wasglad that the school had taken it upon itself to get involved in mybusiness without my consent nor my knowledge & mandating me to goto the sessions.
The hardest part of it all, crawling into bedeach night. I had a new mattress & I had moved my bed to adifferent part of my room. But not even though changes could take awaythe nightmares each night I had.
I didn't feel normal. I didn'tfeel like I used to. The old me I know would have been more upset,crying more & just letting it out. But over the last week I hadbeen more...ok. And I knew it wasn't good.
I just didn't care. I couldn't.
http://kbboys.darkbb.com what's going on with Noah? join my site totally free & let's find out
Look for the KBB group on Facebook