I hung up the phone & dropped it on the floor. I had told Jthat I needed to talk to him. Did he know it was a dire emergency? Icouldn't tell. I couldn't tell anything anymore. I couldn't feel.
Ipainfully stood up from the couch & dressed myself in a pajamashirt and fleece pants. I felt raw even though I had just showered. Isat back on my couch & stared at the window. Not out it. At it. Ididn't want to see the sun, & the flowers, & the birds, &the clear sky. I just wanted to look at what was keeping everything inhere...from getting out there.
I waited for a few minutes &just closed my eyes, tears squeezing themselves out of my eyes &gliding down my cheeks. I sobbed quietly as I waited for J to comeover.
I stared at the giant red stain on my bed. I lifted myshirt & gazed at the hole in my side. The instant my eyes saw thestab wound, I became violently sick again. I suddenly leaned over &vomited on my floor. I started gagging & leaned my head back. Igritted my teeth & cried hard, but quietly. I brought my knees upclose to my body & hugged myself.
I heard a voice, barely audible. Someone was in the house.
I listened carefully, ceasing my crying.
"Noah?"I heard it again. I couldn't tell if it was male or female. I startedto call "up here" with my mouth, but all that came out was strainednoises that someone even on the other side of the room couldn't hear. Istarted panicking over if they would even look for me up here.
"Noah?" I heard my door opening & footsteps up the stairs. It was J.
"Hey man, what did you wanna-" he stopped short when he saw me sitting helplessly on my couch crying.
J began making his way over to me quickly.
"Noah,what's-" he started to say again when he suddenly glanced at my bed.His eyes nearly popped out of his skull. He looked around the room. Hesaw my ripped & cut clothes on the floor, the blood stain on thesheet & smelled the nauseating smell of heat. J turned back to me.
"Noah, what happened?"
Ibegan to tear up again. J took another look at the bed, his eyeswidening again. He rushed over to me, moved the wool blanket off me& started looking over my body. He didn't see anything on one side& then leaned over me, only to see blood staining through my shirt.
I hated his touch & I shoved him away.
"Noah,you're hurt, what happened?" he exclaimed as he started turning meagain so he could see my side. Again, I pushed him away.
"Oh my god, Noah..." J said again, holding my arms against the couch & looking at my waist.
"NO!" I screamed. I broke down crying. J, startled, let go of me & watched as I bawled my eyes out.
Iwas screaming on the inside too. I felt so physically alone & Iwanted his touch, I was dying for his touch. But every time he DIDtouch me, it stung. His touch itself wasn't hurting me: it wasn'tdigging into my waist. It was more...mental pain.
"Noah?" he said softly.
"Just...just don't touch me J...please," I sniffled.
"Noah, please. Just let me look. You're hurt," he pleaded. I shook my head as I sobbed uncontrollably.
Weboth sat there for a minute while I continued to cry. For a splitsecond, I became unbelievably tired & dizzy. But I ignored it &just sobbed.
"What happened?" he asked calmly.
I told himhow Shannon had come over & forced me onto the bed & then tiedme up, & how she stabbed me with the scissors. And how she taseredme, & forced herself on me. I went over every disgusting detail,including how I had cum nine times. I swallowed my stomach down again.
WhenI was done explaining everything to him, he stood up & walked to mybed, looking at the sheet. Then he went over into my bathroom &looked around. Even though the water had brought most of it down thedrain, there was still some blood, mixed with vomit in the shower &around the toilet.
When J came back to sit with me, heaccidentally stepped in my small mess of vomit next in front of thecouch. I sobbed again, disgusted & saddened by the fact that J wasseeing all of this & how it must have disgusted him. My eyes werefull of tears & my vision was very blurry.
"I'm sorry," I groaned.
"Don't worry about, I'll clean it up later," he smiled sadly. He sat down next to me.
"Noah?" he said softly.
"Yeah?" I sniveled.
He turned his body to face me.
"I need you to do something for me."
"What?" I squeaked.
"Ineed you to be totally relaxed & just calm down. I'm gonna slowly,very slowly, lift your shirt up & look at your waist. Try your bestto stay calm, ok?"
I closed my eyes tightly & then opened them again, nodding my head slowly.
I flinched as I felt J touch my shirt. Very slowly, like he said, he lifted it up, cool air rushing to my bloody hip. I winced.
"You're all right, you're all right..." he said, comforting me.
Helifted my shirt high enough & began lightly wiping blood away withhis fingers in order to see the puncture wound. I shivered as hetouched me. My body was numb everywhere except there. It was warm, wet& burning. I started feeling light headed. I was still bleedingprofusely.
When he had wiped away enough blood, J inspectedthe area where Shannon had plunged the scissors into my skin. I shut myeyes, trying to block out the image of her holding the scissors like adagger & digging the blades cruelly into my body. I started to tearup again as I sniffled. Short little gasps came out of my mouth witheach breath.
"Stop," I said.
J stood up & walked overto the bathroom. He opened the cabinets & scourged through stuff.He reached far back behind everything & started taking somethingout. I saw a package of gauze in his hands. He closed the cabinets& walked back to me.
"Noah?"
I looked up at him.
"I'm gonna need you to stand up. You think you can do that?"
I brought my arms close to my sides.
"Noah, please."
"I just wanna sit here J..." I said hoarsely.
"C'mon,"he said, extending his hand to help me. I ignored it & groaned.Very slowly, I stood up. Standing up, I felt more exposed. I chokedback tears, despising this feeling of being out in the open almost. Istumbled dumbly. I couldn't really think straight, but I assumed I wasso dizzy from the blood loss.
"Good. Now just relax, but I need you to take your shirt off so I can wrap this gauze around your waist."
I shook my head.
"Noah, please?" he asked, his eyes begging me to cooperate.
I shook my head again, the tears starting to come back.
Ihad felt so alienated putting my clothes on in the first place beforehe arrived. But over time I had grown too used to the clothes I had on& I felt as though without them, I'd be in a similar state to whenShannon was doing all those things to me. I didn't want to go throughthat again...
"It's ok Noah. It's just me, ok? There's nobodyelse here. It's just us," he said soothingly, somehow knowing what Iwas thinking.
I inhaled shakily & slowly raised my shirtover my head. I looked at J, who was staring at the gouge in my side.The gash was still bleeding, though not as much as before.
"My god..." he whispered.
I sniffled.
"Slowly, lift your arms up so I can get this around you."
"J...please..." I sobbed.
"Noah, it's all right. I know you're gonna feel very... exposed, but I need to get this around your waist."
Witha strained whimper, I painfully lifted my arms from my side. I justcouldn't stop crying. The feeling of being so exposed & vulnerablewith my shirt off & my arms up...I had to stop myself from throwingup again.
J started leaning forward to wrap the gauze around me. I breathed slowly, trying to be calm, but it didn't work.
I couldn't do it.
"Wait, stop," I exclaimed.
Tomy surprise, he didn't stop. With gauze in one hand & some maskingtape in the other, he leaned forward quickly & wrapped his armsaround my back fast. The soft material sat on my open gash &immediately began soaking up blood. Everything frightened me & thesudden movements around me were scaring me. I panicked.
"Stop, stop!"
His arm went around one side while the other held the gauze to my throbbing gash.
"JADEN STOP!" I screamed as I tried shoving him away.
Ihit his body with clenched fists while he clipped the end of the gauzeto the other side around my waist. I started crying hysterically &my hitting quickly stopped.
"Done! I'm done, there's nothing-" he said as he tried pulling away. But something was stopping him.
Me.
Ihad my arms wrapped tightly around his neck & I was crying into hiscollarbone, my tears staining his shirt. I clenched my teeth, my mindflooded with horrible images of what had happened. I cried & cried.
J softly wrapped his arms around me.
"Oh Noahy..." he sighed.
Irested my forehead on his collarbone & emptied my eyes of tears. Iheld onto J for dear life as I wept nonstop. Each time I inhaled Ithought I could stop shedding tears, but each time I just broke downeven harder.
I felt J begin rubbing my back soothingly. I was somessed up. I didn't want to get dressed, but I dressed & thendidn't want to undress. I wanted to be held, but I rejected his touch& now I was desperate for his touch. Nothing made sense to meanymore.
He hugged me tighter while I stood in his arms. I was inhaling shaky breaths when I realized I was shaking violently.
"Shhh..." he whispered in my ear as I cried.
I felt him moving all of a sudden. I tightened my grip around his neck, scared he would leave me alone.
"I'm just getting your phone Noah, I'm not going anywhere."
Ididn't move at first, but then I relaxed my grip & let him get myphone. When he picked it up, he opened it & started dialing.
"What are you doing?" I said, shivering.
"I'm calling your dad & then I'm calling the police."
My stomach sank.
"No, wait, J, stop..." I said. He paused & glanced up at me.
"What?"
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't call him, don't call the cops, please."
"What?! Noah, you know I have to."
"No, you don't..."
"Noah, you just got raped! I'm sure as hell not gonna stand here & do nothing!"
"Can't you just hold me?" I sniffled.
"Noah," he said, his eyes asking me to understand, "we need to tell somebody."
Tearsstarted to well up in my eyes again, only this time, they were tears ofanger. I painfully made my way towards him to take the phone away fromhim.
"Noah, cut it out."
"No! Give me my phone!" I yelled, my voice nothing more than a sore, hoarse whisper. J moved farther away from me.
"Look, I HAVE to-"
"Give it!" I said, tears blurring my sight.
I slipped & fell onto the couch on my butt & just started sobbing, again. I leaned my head back & just cried.
Jsat down next to me & I leaned my head on his shoulder, lightlyshivering. Soon enough, I was nearly done crying, for good.
"I'm gonna make things better, ok?" he said.
I shook my head. This would never leave me.
"Look at me," he said. I turned my red eyes to look at his blue ones.
"I'm gonna help you through this," he said, squeezing my hand, "I promise."
Weboth stood up & I wrapped my arms around his neck again as I buriedmy face in his chest & sobbed dryly. He wrapped his strong armsaround me & held me closely. I sighed in comfort.
"I love you so much Jade," I sighed breathlessly into his chest as he rubbed my back.
"You know I love you too Noah," he said quietly.
Iheard a faint dial tone & glanced up. With the hand he wasn'trubbing my back with, J had dialed my dad & had the phone up to hisear. I rested my head back on his chest & closed my eyes. I heardmy dad pick up.
"Hello?"
I knew my life would never be the same.
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