A/N-- Hey y'all. I know this chapter literally took forever but hey! It's here now! Thank you all who have joined my group and please feel free to leave me feedback, positive or negative. The more feedback the quicker the updates! I love you all! Now, on to the story. ~
No One Knows the Real Me Chapter Five
I lean up against the dresser watching as Ryan leaves, not really sure if he heard my last comment or not. But I could honestly care less right now. I feel betrayed even though I know I shouldn't. It was just a kiss... nothing big. I guess I was just confused by the signals he was sending me... or maybe he was sending me the wrong signals who knows?
I lay down on my bed, my face buried in the pillow. Right now all I want to do is cry. The one person in this world who I knew for a fact would never betray me or do anything behind my back turned out to be engaged. My heart feels like someone just tore it out, ripped it in two and stepped all over it. Am I taking this all too far? I mean.... It's been two years and Ryan is a very good looking guy. I guess it was only a matter of time before he found someone else. I hear a knock on the door but I don't even know if I can move right now let alone walk across the room to answer it. "W-who is it?" I ask wiping away the tears that had just begun to form at the rims of my eyes as I force myself to sit up.
Silence.
I roll my eyes. Great, now I have to get up. I stand up and walk over to the front door, take a deep breath and answer it. Leaning against the door frame is no other than Ryan ^Ö Great. I really do not need this. "What do you want?" I ask only opening the door enough so I can easily slam it shut if I need to.
He takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes. " I- I know you're mad okay?"
"Mad doesn't even begin to describe it, but go on." I snap.
He looks hurt by my comment. "I'm sorry Nikki; you know I would never intentionally hurt you." He stares down at his shoes like he's trying to come up with an excuse and he's going to find it there. "I know I should have told you but I didn't. I just.... I figured you didn't feel the same about me anymore since you just left so I was trying to move on. You can't hate me for trying to do that."
"I beg to differ on that one." I say cutting him off.
He looks at me again, his eyes dark with regret. "Listen to me Nik, I just finally got you back in my life what- a few hours ago and we're already fighting. I don't want that. Can you please forgive me? I'll do anything... I just.... I don't want to lose you again."
I can't help but to feel bad for getting mad at him. I let out a heavy sigh and reach for his arm. "I'm sorry." I say softly under my breath. "I blew this all out of proportion."
"So you forgive me then?" he asks standing straight.
I think about it for a moment, I guess I should forgive him. I was blowing it out of proportion. He had a point, he was just moving on.... But where does that leave me? "Do you love her?" I ask softly staring down at the ground.
"Who?" Ryan asks, I can feel his gaze on me. "Oh... Carly..."
Carly? I'm guessing that's his fiancé's name. "Yeah... Carly. Do you love her?"
There was a long pause before Ryan placed his hand over mine and opened the door. "Yeah, I love her." He answered as he gently tucked his index finger underneath my chin and made me look into his eyes. "But not as much as I love you."
I felt my heart melt when he said that... That meant Ryan still loved me. I looked up into his eyes, not really sure what to say. I slowly close my eyes and as I do, I feel his warm lips on mine.
Suddenly I hear a loud ringing, I force my eyes open but I'm no longer standing in the doorway of my apartment. I'm lying in a bed, somewhere I don't really recognize. I sit up and look around; I know for sure I'm no where near my apartment complex. The room is small, but the way the furniture is set up it gives it that cozy, home feeling. I stand up and walk over to the bedroom and door, nervously opening it. In the kitchen I see Ryan leaning over the counter drinking coffee and reading the news paper. He looks up and sees me standing in the door way.
"Morning Nik." He says setting the cup down and walking over to me. "How'd you sleep?"
I dodge the question. "How'd I get here?" I ask rubbing my eyes, still half a sleep.
"I brought you here last night, we were talking and you just kind of... passed out." He answered studying me.
"Oh... um...w-where's Carly?" I ask leaning against the wall. My head hurts really badly which makes no sense since I hadn't been drinking last night. I look at Ryan and he's looking at me curiously.
"Who's Carly?"
Wait what? Who's Carly... "Your fiancé." I answer putting my hands in the pockets of my jeans.
"Fiancé?" Ryan says as he starts walking back towards the kitchen. "Nikki, I'm not engaged. It must have been in your dream or something."
Dream... was it really just a dream? Oh my god I feel like such a loser now. "Oh." I answer as I follow him into the kitchen.
"Are you alright?" he asks me as I lean against the counter.
"What? Oh, yeah... I'll be fine." I say trying to make all this clear to me since my head is really foggy.
I look at him and just now notice that all he's wearing are a pair of black sweats, his smooth, perfectly toned chest is exposed. I lean against the counter more trying to concentrate on not staring at him but I can't really help it. Ryan has a fucking awesome body. He catches me staring and smiles. I blush a color that's more redder than a tomato which only makes him smile more.
"Nikki." He whispers softly taking my hand into his and looking deep into my eyes.
"Hm?"
"I'm so glad I found you... I'm going to help you okay?"
I take a deep breath and stare at him for a few moments. It's been such a long time since someone has actually wanted to help me without wanting something back in return. I look at him and nod my head.
He smiles again. "Come here." He says holding out his right hand. I give him my hand and he pulls me close to him. My head is spinning so fast with all these thoughts. I can't get myself to stop thinking... And I'm like thinking about every little thing right now. How close he is to me, all the bad stuff that's happened in my life, school, my brother, my dad, how much I want to kiss him, what I want to do with my life. All these things are raising through my head all at the same time. But the next thing I know he's kissing me, his lips on mine, his arms wrapped around my waist and my mind simply goes blank. The only thing I can think about is him and this kiss.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. My hands slowly sliding down his arms to rest on his forearms as he presses me up against the counter, kissing me longer and hard. My heart is racing as those hands of his begin to move all over me. I don't want this moment to end... And I pray that it'll keep on going and last forever but a part of me knows that can never happen... Eventually the moment has to end.
Well... That's all for now. I know you all probably hate me for ending it when everything is just now heating up but hey, it's not my fault I like ending things with cliffhangers lol. Please e-mail me comments on the story or just to say hi at you_r_always_in_my_heart_rmw@yahoo.com
Here are a few ways to get to me. (sounds wrong lol)
Myspace link- http://www.myspace.com/4everinmyheart66 Group link- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/prisoneroffate/
When The People We Love Are Taken From Us, The Way To Have Them Live On Is To Never Stop Loving Them... Buildings Burn, People Die... But Real Love Is Forever... -The Crow