No More Loneliness

Disclaimer: This is a slow love story and not a fast fuck one. If this isn't to your liking, please don't bother reading. This story contains sexual acts between consenting adult males. If it offends you, then X out. Any comments or questions, email me and I'll try to respond promptly. Comments, criticisms, or questions are welcomed: melonpie@verizon.net

CHAPTER 3

"He looks mad," Kyle whispered to me as he and I waited for Jackson to stop talking on the phone. We were peering out the window, looking at Jackson as he paced back and forth on the lawn.

"Jackson is weird. His temper can flare in an instant. He may be a bit bipolar."

"Seriously?"

"No," I giggled. "You're gullible," I teased.

Kyle's fingers made their way to my stomach and I squeaked and moved away.

"Ticklish?" he asked with a devilish grin. "I'll have to remember that in the future," he said raising his eyebrows mischievously.

"I'm not ticklish," I said with a straight face, hoping I came off convincing.

Kyle's grin widened and he advanced forward menacingly, only to burst out in laughter when I quickly hid behind a tall plant near the entrance of the house.

"I'm so skinny you can't see me behind this plant," I called out, giggling.

Kyle was snorting with laughter. "You're not that skinny, Mason."

"Am too!" I sang out still giggling.

Jackson was walking back inside the house. "Cassidy, stop being such a whale's vagina," he said loudly into the phone. There was a pause as I assumed Cassidy was asking what that statement meant. "Yeah, a fucking 5'5 pussy!" Jackson yelled. Another pause. "I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow," Jackson said before clicking the phone shut. He smiled at us. "Sorry, E-board conflicts. Something about the fundraising issues for our batizado."

Kyle and I nodded.

"So you're Kyle? The one who managed to undress my best friend on the first night?" Jackson asked grinning broadly, always up to shocking people upon first meeting them.

I blushed and Kyle looked away for a second, embarrassed, but he overcame it quickly.

"Uh, I guess that's me, unless there are other guys out there who manage to undress Mace that quickly," Kyle said glancing at me.

"You're the only one!" I practically shouted, turning red. "I'm not a slut."

Jackson and Kyle laughed.

"You better take care of my boy," Jackson warned. "Otherwise, I'll kill you. Me and the other eighty or so members of the club that I will officially be in charge of by next September. I'll be in command of the death squad."

Kyle looked amused. "That won't be necessary. I'll take care of Mace."

I didn't like being spoken about as if I weren't in the room and I was getting more embarrassed.

I grabbed Kyle's arm. "Ok, let's go."

"It's a school night, don't be out too late," Jackson said following us out the door.

"We're on winter break!" I reminded.

"Oh yeah!" Jackson called out. "Never mind then. Go all out!"

As I headed to Kyle's car, Jackson parted ways and went over to his house. He tugged on my coat sleeve.

"What?" I whispered.

"Call me later and tell me everything," he ordered.

I smiled. "Bye Jackson."

"Be good," he winked as he quickly hopped over the small patch of grass separating our houses and disappeared.

"So where do you feel like going?" Kyle asked once we were in his car. He started the ignition and waited for my reply.

"Where do you feel like going?"

"I asked you," Kyle smiled.

"I don't know. What do you think?" I pressed.

"Mace, I asked you out to dinner. Now pick," he said firmly. "I want to take you where you want to go. Not me."

"What kind of foods do you like?"

"Mace," he kind of growled.

I sunk into the car seat. "I don't know." I wasn't used to making decisions. Whenever Jackson and I ate out or saw movies, he always decided where to go. He seemed to always know what he wanted, while I constantly hedged. Over time, it became annoying to Jackson and he just decided that from then on, all decisions would be made by him. As for my scarce other friends, well, whatever they suggested, I'd agree automatically. What could I say? I tended to be a people-pleaser.

"Think fast," Kyle said not letting me off easily.

I groaned. "You're putting so much pressure on me," I whined.

He laughed when I pouted. "Stop being such a little baby. Just pick. Aren't you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Well, when you think of food, and dinner, what comes to mind? The very first thing," Kyle prompted. "No analyzing. Just think purely on craving and hunger."

"Sushi," I announced. "Hadn't had that in awhile."

He smiled brightly. "Then sushi it is! I know this great place. I love it. So much variety. A sushi buffet."

My eyes lit up.

Kyle laughed. "Did I say the magic word?"

"I love buffets. So much food," I said in a dreamy tone.

He laughed again.

"You don't understand. All you can eat buffets is like heaven to people like me. You'll see," I said bouncing in my seat a little in anticipation. "Is it far?"

"Not too bad. Be patient, little one," he said brushing his fingers against my cheek. "Tiny."

I shot him a dirty look and he only grinned at me as he reversed out of the driveway.

"My God Mace, you really pack it in," Kyle said in amazement as he slowly ate, while watching me intently.

"Stop staring at me," I said once I swallowed.

"I know, but it's an amazing sight. It's like watching a goldfish devour a shark or something," he said, his eyes wide. "That's like something you'd see on the Discovery channel."

I laughed. "I'm not that bad."

"No, it's almost endearing to see such a small person eat that much food, especially since it doesn't go anywhere, but I had no idea you ate this much! This is, like you're third plate, right? And each plate was piled high."

"Fourth actually, but who's counting? And sushi isn't that filling," I said.

"But those are," Kyle said pointing his chopsticks at the California rolls. My entire plate was filled with them, at least twelve. Thankfully, it was a Monday night and the place wasn't that crowded, otherwise I was positive I'd be getting some dirty looks as I always took a majority of the food.

I popped one into my mouth and chewed slowly before swallowing.

After watching me for a few seconds, he spoke. "I've got it."

"What?" I grunted as I chewed. I always had caveman manners when I ate.

"I've figured out your secret. Besides being so small, you know, your physical size, you're able to fool people based on how slow you eat," he mused.

"Huh?"

"You eat so slow and very deliberate. When people eat a lot, you assume they eat really fast, like shoveling it in, practically swallowing without chewing, particles hanging off their teeth or at the side of their mouths. But you, you're a bit of a dainty eater, putting it in your mouth, chewing calmly, and then starting the whole process over again."

I stared at him. "Kyle, you're a big dork." He laughed. "You're analyzing my eating habits. Stop!" I cried out jokingly.

"Ok, ok," he acquiesced. "We'll talk about something else."

"Alright, I'll start," I said sitting up straighter in my seat. "I have questions."

"Shoot," Kyle said. "I'm an open book. Nothing to hide."

"Said the maniacal guy who chops up people during his free time and buries them in his backyard," I joked.

"I'm a mechanic. I only deal with car parts, not human ones. And you can check my backyard- it's all grass, no fresh burials."

I scrunched my nose. "Gross."

Kyle laughed. "Stay on my good side."

"Noted," I stated. "But that answered my question on what you did. I wasn't sure if you were in school or anything."

"Nope, I'm 25. I'll be 26 in June. Went to community college, but realized college wasn't for me. I liked cars a lot more and could spend forever working with them. I worked part-time with my uncle since high school and then did it full-time when I realized college wasn't for me. It's sort of a family business. He's getting older now and I've sort of been taking over, more or less," he shrugged. "He's actually not that old, but he keeps saying he would like to retire early, which is a load of crap. He loves cars like crazy and will do it until the day he dies."

"So your uncle lives close by then?"

"About a half hour away. I see him a lot during work, but I usually stop over there a few nights to have dinner with both my aunt and uncle. I moved in with them when I was in junior high," he explained.

"Oh."

"My father didn't take my coming out too well," he clarified. "And my mother didn't have much of a backbone. I don't really talk to them anymore."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say. He was very, very honest and forthcoming, that's for sure.

"Anything else you want to know?" Kyle asked charmingly. "Like I said, I'm an open book."

"Oh, um, no, I think that's all," I said.

He smiled. "Don't be shy. Ask. Anything."

I thought for a bit. "How many relationships have you had?"

"Not many. Two in high school, the first one lasted a few months. More like fuck buddies than anything. The second was more of a boyfriend, but he led me on; didn't really love me," he said a little bitterly, before continuing. "I dated a bit as I tried the whole college thing, but at that age, most people are not into anything serious or super long term," he said smiling. "You're my first date in awhile."

"You're my first date. Ever," I blurted out, staring at him, waiting for his reaction.

He looked surprised. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Do you still like me?" I continued. My mouth was moving faster than my brain.

My insecurities were coming out and fast. How could someone as gorgeous as Kyle be interested in me? It didn't make a lot of sense. On the surface I was a bit nerdy and quiet looking, very shy, and didn't have a lot of friends or varied interests. What did he see in me?

Kyle cocked his head. "You really think I'd stop liking you because of that?"

"Well, I have no experience with anything. No dating, no relationships, no kissing, no sex," I blushed as I went on. "I'm as bad a closet case, or worse actually. I'm just really shy or socially awkward."

He smiled, his light eyes appearing especially bright from our dim corner.

"We can fix all that, in theory. A few more dates, you'll be a pro at dating. If it develops into a relationship, you go from zero to one. The kissing, we can fix that tonight. And the sex- you should only do that when you're ready," Kyle said.

I smiled but felt my face getting warm. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"No problem."

"I just thought that no guy would be interested in dealing with someone who is so obviously inexperienced."

"Hey, it's quality, not quantity. Lots of guys go through so many men, and nothing is quality. It's just a bunch of meaningless, unfulfilling nothing. I'd trade all that so called experience for something really great, you know?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"Maybe all along you were waiting for someone worthy of your time. Why waste your time with a guy who only wants one thing?"

"I'm just not good at meeting people. I'm a tagalong," I said. "Until I'm drunk. Then I'm Mr. Social."

"Not exactly," Kyle chuckled. "I approached you, remember?"

"Oh. Well, I actually don't recall."

"That's ok. A fresh start is better," he said. "Are you having fun so far?"

"Yes," I replied sincerely.

"Good." He looked at me directly in the eyes. "Me too."

"Mace, look at this database I'm working on for HR and check out these dudes," Jackson said motioning me over almost frantically. I stood up and moved overt to his desk.

"Look," Jackson pointed. "That's a serial killer right there." He flicked through another photo. "And this guy, right here, a future pedophile. Shit!"

"Oh fuck, this guy looks like he's already wearing the uniform. What, did they hire this guy off death row or something?"

I shook my head. "Jackson, you're terrible."

"No, I'm serious! Holy God. I'd kill myself if I looked like them!" Jackson went on, his face glued to the screen, his mouth hanging open in comedic awe.

I smiled as I went back to my task of filling binders with photocopied packets.

"Wait," Jackson said rolling his chair over to me. "How was your date last night? You didn't call me."

"I'm surprised you weren't spying on me from your window?" I teased.

He glared at me. "Please, don't flatter yourself. I'm a busy guy, you know."

"Right, right. Sorry for forgetting."

"So, how was the date?"

"Sorry, I was in dream land. It was a good date," I said quietly. I sighed and stared at the ceiling dreamily. "Great date, in fact."

"Yeah, going out again?"

I looked at my hands. "Yeah."

"How come you sound so embarrassed?" Jackson asked with a smile.

"I just don't want to jinx it or get too ahead of myself."

"I just asked if you were going out again," Jackson pointed out.

"We are. Tomorrow night."

"So soon?"

I blushed. "He asked me."

Jackson punched my arm lightly. "I guess you're just so awesome he can't wait more than two days to see you again."

I shrugged. "What can I say?" I said casually. "I'm a fun guy."

Jackson laughed. "Nice, man. Nice."

I could feel Jackson's eyes on me and knew he was going to say something else or ask another question.

"Did he feel you up?"

"Jackson!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

"No, he did not!"

"Lame," Jackson sang out. "Did you kiss at the end of the date?"

"Yes," I breathed out dreamily, thinking back to how Kyle had dropped me off at my house the night before, even walked me to my door, and then shyly asked if he could kiss me goodnight.

It took me at least ten seconds to stammer out a simple, "ok" but it was a soft, gentle kiss as his lips touched mine, his tongue only dipping slightly into my mouth. he pulled back and breathed against my mouth briefly before placing several tender pecks on my lips, causing me to whimper slightly as I clutched the front of his shirt.

That's when he had wrapped his hands around my wrists and rested his forehead against mine. I couldn't help smiling as we were both a little cross eyed as we stared into one another's eyes.

"Will you go out with me again?" he said quietly.

"Uh-uh," I replied, oh-so-eloquently.

Jackson's laughter broke the good image and I shot him a dirty look.

He sobered up and looked at me. "You seem happy. I mean, it's a bit early, but you seem happy and I'm really glad. Hopefully all those agonizing talks about your being alone forever can cease to exist."

"Hey, those are valid fears! Everyone has them," I stated defensively.

"Not for people who are normal! You're normal," Jackson insisted. "You're just shy and don't really get out there. I hope this thing with Kyle works out and if it doesn't, at least you can grow some confidence and maybe start dating."

"Meeting Kyle was a fluke," I reminded.

"Dating isn't easy in this day and age. Why do you think there's such a huge increase in internet dating sites?" Jackson argued reasonably as he tapped away at the keyboard while he continued looking at me. "Nothing wrong with putting in some effort. You watch too many romantic comedies. That shit doesn't happen. Ok, maybe sometimes, but not to everyone, and rarely. Actually, how you and Kyle met can kind of be classified as that romantic comedy bullshit. Hmm," he went on thoughtfully.

I rolled my eyes and went back to my work as I let Jackson muse over my dating life.

"Anyway, you know what this means?" Jackson interrupted my stapling.

"What?" I asked frowning in concentration.

"If things work out between you and Kyle, like seriously, I'll have to find a boyfriend or girlfriend."

"What?" I laughed. "Why?"

"Because you'll be occupied. It's a well known fact that no matter what, the best friend always gets pushed aside, at least for the duration of the relationship. Or in some cases, they stop being friends, period!"

I continued laughing at Jackson's serious expression and the whole absurdity of his worry.

"You and I will always be friends. We're neighbors, we've known each other for sixteen years, I'm practically another member of your family. Nothing can break our connection or bond, or whatever, ok?"

"But what if you want to be with Kyle all the time?" Jackson whined. "It does happen. It's that first stage of love or whatever?"

"You're so busy, you won't even notice," I said dismissively. When I got silence in return, I looked up and saw Jackson's face was filled with hurt.

"What?" I asked in surprise. "I'm not being mean, I'm serious. You are so busy these days. Don't you ever notice how I'm the one that's usually alone when you're busy with classes, capoeira practices, meetings, classes, or planning group fundraisers, demos, and performances? I'm always alone, in my house, without anyone. I don't really have any close friends besides you, and the ones that I do have are also your friends, and are busy anyway. So actually, you should be happy that I have someone to keep me company while you're gone all the time, leaving me alone," I finished.

I took in a breath and watched as Jackson looked at me. "Well, did you get any of that?" I asked in exasperation. I knew Jackson had a tendency to tune me out when I rambled a lot. He called it "conserving brain energy" mode, kind of like when a laptop goes into hibernation stand by.

"It's not like I want you to be alone. I always invite you along with me. You're the one who always declines the invite," Jackson said folding his arms.

I sighed, knowing that Jackson would react defensively. He always did. He always believed his intentions were good and they usually were, but damn it, he could never take any criticism, or even the truth. Sometimes it was so damn hard talking to him.

"I know. But I don't want to always be the third wheel so to speak. Tagging along in your activities when it's not my own thing. For once, it's nice to go off and do something for me? Or have someone to spend time with that isn't your friend, or even our friend, but just mine? Sometimes I feel like our lives are so merged, or my life is just an extension of yours, that I feel lost. Do you get that?"

"Yeah," Jackson replied slowly, which I knew meant that he really didn't.

"I need something separate. Something that's only mine. All mine. Only. Just mine."

He stared at me a few seconds longer and nodded. "Ok." He paused. "But I still need to get a significant other so we can go out on double dates and stuff. I don't want to be a third wheel with you and Kyle."

I rolled my eyes. "You do that. You won't have any problems finding someone."

"Not true. You always envy me because people like me, but did you ever stop to consider what I want? I'm not interested in any of those guys or girls. I haven't met someone that I've clicked with, felt that special spark. Everyone I know, they're all my friends and buddies, and we can chill and relax, but anything further," he made a face. "That's a negative."

"So it's hard for me to meet people, in a way. Or that special someone. Maybe I'm just picky. Or no one is good enough for me," Jackson smirked, arching his eyebrows.

I snorted. "Arrogant little shit."

"Who knows, I could end up alone too. Then I'd be the one living in a room inside your house with your partner. Just because I'm popular and act all confident and fun doesn't mean I never worry about the future. I just choose not to stress over it at the moment. I won't let it consume me, at least for now since it's out of my control. I'm just going to get through school and have some fun while I'm at it. Hopefully, the rest will fall into place."

I stared at my best friend. Most of our serious talks consisted of me being depressed, but never about him. I finally saw that Jackson was just as vulnerable and scared as I was, but covered it up a lot better.

"I never realized," I said truthfully.

"No," he grinned. "You wouldn't. It's always my job to console you during your "pity me" moments. Not the other way around. Good thing I'm majoring in Psychology. I'll open up a practice and I expect you to be a loyal client."

I chucked a pen at him. "You'd charge me?"

"Yeah, I gotta eat!"

"I'd always cook for you, you know that!"

"Bitch, you can't cook," Jackson giggled. "You burnt eggs. How the hell do you burn eggs?"

"I wanted to make sure the insides were cooked," I protested. "I didn't want to feed you raw eggs."

"No, just rubber ones," he laughed.

"Just for that, I'm not going to see you for my future problems. I'll go see another doctor," I stuck my tongue out.

"Mace, that hurt. That truly hurt. Right here," Jackson mocked, pointing to his heart.

"What was coming out like?" I asked Kyle as I watched him stir the pasta.

We were only on our third date, but so far things were going well. Then again, no need to jinx it, as our dates had been squished into a span of one week. I was enjoying getting together with him so often, but by next week that would all change because I'd be starting the spring semester.

Being an engineering major was hard work. Sure, I had a natural knack for it, but there was some work involved in those classes. A lot of numbers and computer stuff.

Kyle laughed lightly. "Accidental. Scary. Emotional. Scary. Angry. Adjustment period. Then happy."

I frowned and blinked.

"Those are the stages I went through. I'll tell you the whole story in a minute," he said as he drained the pasta and rinsed it with cold water and shook it around. He started cleaning the kitchen up a bit and took a paper towel and dabbed at the pasta. He then placed a hefty amount onto a plate and added the meatballs he had prepared before I came over and handed it to me.

"Want anything else? Extra parmesan cheese?"

"Nope, I'm good," I said picking up my fork. "I think you gave me too much, though."

"Please, I'll have to give you seconds!" he joked. "And a third!"

I shrugged. "I'll try to eat less."

"No, don't," Kyle said. "Don't change on my behalf."

I smiled. He made his own plate and joined me at the table.

"Ok, here goes the whole tale of my coming out. It's nothing huge, but it's still a story, my story, and you asked," he reminded. I nodded in agreement.

"I always knew I was a bit different. I know, total cliché opening, but sometimes you can just feel it. It really manifested when I was around twelve and thirteen, going through puberty, hormones, and while my friends were all interested in girls, I didn't have any interest. None at all. Sure, I had friends that were girls and could spot a pretty one and all that, but I never had any desire to ask one out, get physical, like every other guy my age. I did the whole dating thing, kept it casual, which was fairly easy as we were young. But then before freshman year, I met a high school senior from another school during some party. Everyone was out of it and doing their own thing, so when he introduced himself and started talking, we kind of hit it off. One thing led to another. We started getting together and he let me explore the joys of being with another guy. I realized I was one hundred percent gay at that point, if there were any lingering doubts."

"We got together and fooled around for about four months, but he wasn't out and neither was I. I still had my "girlfriend" at school. But one afternoon my Dad hadn't gone to work and was running errands. When he did get home, I didn't even know it, and he caught us messing around together."

"I never saw the guy again," Kyle said shaking his head. "My Dad didn't get angry, at first. He was hurt and disgusted and then became angry. Eventually, the disgust took over and my mother just went along with it. Although, my mother did do one thing for me and she contacted her brother, my uncle, and made arrangements for me to live with them. It was the best thing that she's ever done for me. We don't talk much now and it sucks neither of us makes an effort, but the fact that she got me out of the house before my Dad killed me, or I killed myself out of depression was something I'll forever be grateful for."

"I changed schools and everything and this time around I vowed to be honest no matter what. So at my new school, I was out right from the start. It was hard at first. Had some issues. Made me angry and emotional that I wasn't accepted, but I eventually got over it. So I decided to just work with what I had."

"I had some low points when I saw how happy some other families were, but I tend not to dwell on it too much. Right now, I'm in a good place. I love my aunt and uncle. I love my job. My life. And now I'm dating someone who is really cute when he stuffs his face with spaghetti and meatballs," Kyle finished, his blue eyes boring into mine. He had a smile on his face.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly reaching for a napkin and wiping my mouth. "I was engrossed in your tale."

Kyle shrugged. "Coming out, it can go two ways- the parents accept it and continue the loving relationship, or the gay kid has to relocate. I won't consider the other options because I don't like to think about it."

I nodded.

"I'm guessing you're not out?" he said hesitantly.

I shook my head. "That's partly out of fear and partly because I lack the opportunity."

Kyle cocked his head, silently urging me to go on.

"Here are the basic facts. I call it "Mason 101" and it's a run down of my family, coming out revelations and everything else in between. It's just me and my Dad in my house, but really just me because he works long hours. He's a doctor and on some board committee thing and he goes to meetings and conventions or fundraisers all the time. I'm talking, like hardcore all the time. I think he purposely likes to stay out of the house. Maybe the house depresses him. Maybe he hates me. Who knows?"

Kyle frowned at the last comment, but didn't interrupt.

"My older sister is seven years older and moved to California a year ago to be with her boyfriend. We're not really close because she's older, she's a girl, and she can be bossy most of the times. My mother died giving birth to me and I obviously never knew her. My best friend Jackson is bisexual and is so confident and I'm so jealous of him and he has the most loving and understanding family ever. I'm an honorary member because his parents and siblings feel sorry for me whenever I'm alone in that house of mine."

"I figured out for sure I was gay when I was in high school and I got so depressed about it because I was unsure of my life. What would being gay mean? How would it affect my future and meeting people? Dating life? Expectations? I was in a huge funk and Jackson pulled me out of it. He's a stubborn shit and forced it out of me. Then we dealt with it together, more or less. I'm prone to depression issues and drama every now and again and he's used to hearing about it. Or my "I'll forever be alone" rants. That's been my life. That and my following Jackson around because I have no life of my own. But you already knew that," I concluded, taking a deep breath as I said all this really quickly.

"Wow," Kyle said softly as he nodded. "Wow."

I waited a minute, then got impatient. "What?"

"So that's why you seemed so sad," he murmured.

"Huh?"

"At the bar last Saturday. You were feeling lonely. One of your moods?"

I nodded. "Basically. Comes and goes," I smiled meekly.

"Do you still feel lonely?" he asked.

I looked at him directly. "Not as much."

He smiled. "Good. `Cause you're not."

"I haven't scared you off yet, huh?" I asked.

Kyle looked perplexed. "Why do you say that?"

"I come with emotional baggage. Who wants to deal with that?"

Kyle studied me. "You know, sometimes you give off the impression that you're purposely trying to turn me off. It's as if you're testing me to see whether or not I can put up with you."

I opened my mouth to argue, but then I thought about what he said. Then I blushed and looked away, sputtering helplessly. "I, um." That's as far as I got.

"But I don't mind."

"What?" I asked looking up.

He met my eyes. "I've always felt a bit older than my age and let's just say I hate bullshit. I hate drama that's usually associated with younger people. I hate games. So here's how I see you: you're not full of drama or baggage. No one is perfect and you have some head issues. Who doesn't? But at least you're being upfront and honest right away. More than anything, you're a little insecure, inexperienced, and that's why you're always second-guessing yourself. Most people get annoyed with that, but with you, I find it really, I don't know, what's the word-" he trailed off.

I waited.

"Sweet. Endearing. Fresh. Innocent. I don't know. I like it. I like you," he stated.

I couldn't help but smile. "Really?" I asked.

Kyle broke into a wide grin. "See? Right there. That's what's so darn attractive about you. You have this enthusiasm that only comes with being so young and new and-"

"Inexperienced."

"Maybe," he said. "But it's really attractive."

I rubbed my nose and ducked my head in an attempt to hide my blushing face. I never blushed this much in my entire life! And the things Jackson said could make anyone blush!

"Um, thanks," I muttered.

"Ok, ok, let's talk about something else. I've embarrassed you enough."

"I'm not embarrassed; I just don't know how to react. As you know, this is all new to me, and you're so honest. Most people aren't. It's hard to react to it, without blushing and mumbling like some fool," I explained.

"Just be yourself. What you just said, right now, is the real Mason. You're shy, but you're really outspoken, once you allow yourself to be comfortable. Just keep doing that."

"Ok," I said shyly. "I'll try. You just make me all, I don't know."

Kyle laughed. "Alright, like I said, we'll talk about something else."

"Right."

"Do you want to come out?" he asked, looking unsure.

"Yes," I answered immediately. "I have accepted myself, but whenever my Dad is home, I just lose my nerve. I'll get there. I'm just not there. Yet. He's not intimidating, but he is at the same time. When he's home, there's this presence, or space between us, which I don't know how to breach. We don't even know how to be father and son. It's a joke," I snorted angrily.

Kyle nodded. "I'm sorry about your Mom," he said softly.

I looked at him. "It's ok. I didn't know her." I knew I sounded cold, but it was true.

"Your Dad doesn't hate you," he said and the comment hung in the air. I looked at him, waiting for more. "Your Dad is just unhappy and doesn't know how to live outside of work. He probably doesn't even know how to really be a father. In truth, most parents don't know how to be parents. It's just a trial and error and the kids deal with the consequences and hopefully can improve for the next generation."

"What I'm saying is that your relationship with your Dad takes work. He loves you unconditionally as a child, but showing it, expressing it, is different. He might not know how to. Where does he find the common ground to connect with you? And without your mother around. That's even worse for him. I bet your sister helped raise you, for the most part?"

I nodded.

"That's probably why she's so bossy. She had to grow up fast. And why you don't get along with her. She's your mother figure. Bound to clash."

I scratched my head and looked at him curiously. "You sure you don't secretly have a Psychology degree and you're somehow connected to Jackson in trying to shrink me?" I asked suspiciously. "Those are awfully profound words."

Kyle shot me a soft look. "I just understand people. I can see things from all kinds of angles. It really helped me get over some of my issues- being able to look deep into other's perspectives, so I don't harbor hate. At least not without trying to understand first."

We stared at one another for a bit, before he finally broke the silence.

Man, talk about heavy third date conversation. Weren't most gay couples making out and grinding up against each other on the couch at this point.

He cleared his throat loudly and I knew he was making an attempt to change the conversation. I guess it was getting a bit too serious for him too. "Tell me about yourself. What's your major? Types of classes you like. What classes you're taking. General stuff."

The tension in my body dissipated. "Those topics I can handle." I knew the look on my face was one of gratitude.

I didn't know how to handle being so open and vulnerable in front of someone, especially a guy I just met. I felt raw and naked and didn't exactly like it. It's like Kyle could really see me and understand me. Sometimes more so than Jackson.

I didn't know how to react to that kind of revelation. It was exciting. It was scary.

"Doing your homework is one thing, but coming to lecture with you is another. What gives? Are you trying to find new ways to torture me? I thought I was being a good friend, you know, doing your homework and all," I said rubbing my sore eyes; that's how boring the lecture was.

"Shut it Mason. This class is mad boring. I need the company to keep me awake," Jackson muttered grumpily.

I noticed his eyes drooping.

"You're not even awake," I hissed.

"Am too," he argued sleepily.

"Well, I'm not taking notes for you. I'm going to doze myself," I said slouching in my seat. "Why did you even register for this class? It's not even necessary. You're a Psych major, not a Nutrition major."

"He had good reviews and I heard his exams are mad easy," Jackson replied.

"Did it say on the reviews that his lecture could put people to death? That it could be used as a new form of the death penalty?" I asked. "Goodbye lethal injection or electric chair, hello Foods and Nutrition!"

I heard a couple guys in front of me snicker and they turned to glance at me. I narrowed at my eyes at them, in no mood to even be looked at.

Jackson grunted. "They might have mentioned that."

"And you still registered?"

"For a chance for an easy A. It was a tradeoff," he answered. "Shut your hole. You're on campus anyway. What would you have been doing?"

"I could have been at the computer lab doing homework, printing out stuff, or checking emails," I huffed. "It's a lot of work handling your homework and mine," I shot at him.

"This is our only time to hang out," Jackson said, suddenly sounding very awake. "For the past three weeks, you've been spending every evening with Kyle."

I stared at him with surprise. So this was the real reason Jackson had dragged me to his lecture and for his pissy mood. He was jealous of my time away.

"No we haven't," I argued. Although, in truth, we spent almost every other night together, and at least two of the three weekend days. We were still new together and enjoying one another's company, in the first stages of a relationship. I still got butterflies thinking about Kyle and for the moment, we had the urge to be together a lot.

"You don't visit me at practice anymore, and we never do anything on weekends, even during the day because you're at his house or eating or watching a movie, or whatever," he said slumping in his seat. "You've become one of those girls that ditch their friends to be with their man."

"Did you just call me a woman?" I asked, but I must have said it too loudly because several students as well as the professor shot me looks.

"I told you this would happen," Jackson pointed out.

"What am I supposed to do? Jackson, you have such a busy life; I needed to get my own instead of following you everywhere or always being available. Don't you want me to be happy instead of the perpetual invisible dude that's Jackson's best friend. Dude, I don't want to be that person," I explained.

"Yeah, but every weekend with Kyle? That's a bit much," he said. "I seriously have got to get me a man. Or a woman."

"Jackson, don't be that way." I felt really torn.

Jackson grunted. "We haven't had any friend time in three weeks. With school work, my club duties, and you with Kyle all the time, I feel off, ok? I bet you even have this weekend planned out with Kyle already, don't you?"

I looked down into my lap as my answer.

Jackson sighed in annoyance. "Fuck, how close can you two get. It's hasn't even been a full month yet. Don't tell me you're in freaking love."

"Jackson, I don't know!" I hissed. I was getting really frustrated here. A little bombarded. I didn't know where this was coming from. Ok, I had an idea, but I wasn't expecting it. "I don't know what's going on. I just like him and I'm happy being with him and happy I have someone to spend time with who's only interested in me and not in you or your club or anything. I love having someone's attention and affection solely on me."

"What about me?"

"God, everything isn't about you, Jackson," I really wanted to scream at him. "You already have a great family. A huge family. They all love you and it's full of energy and laughter and love. I have nothing but an empty house that creaks at night. My Dad hates me. My sister has her own life. I have few friends, except mutual ones with you. I go to school and work. What a shitty existence. You know how depressed I can get, even to the point of suicidal thoughts. I'd thought you'd be happy for me. Meeting someone who makes me feel good. You have people asking you out or proclaiming their love for you all the time. How can you bitch about this?"

"You don't want me to have anything good in my life, do you?" I finally stated. "You like having me around, in the background, miserable, ready to jump off a bridge."

Jackson's eyes widened. "Mason, I don't-"

"You want me to not have any of the great things you have in your life, just so you can feel superior to me and constantly feel good since I feel down. That's what makes you so amazing, huh Jackson?" I sneered. "Feeling good about yourself only if others are down. I can't believe I never realized this before."

"Mason-"

"Maybe you're the reason I've always felt so bad in the past. You're always hording your accomplishments in my face, and hording my shortcomings. It gives you joy. Maybe the reason why I've been so much happier isn't because of Kyle. Maybe it's because I get a chance to be away from you. Dumping your homework on me. Treating me like your lap dog."

I was on a roll here and nothing could stop me.

However, if I had stopped a moment, I would have noticed that Jackson's eyes were a little glassy looking.

"I'm done with this bullshit," I said, the anger overcoming any rational thoughts that might have existed. I stood up abruptly, ignoring the stares. Luckily, we were on the side of the lecture hall, and near the back, so it wasn't so obvious.

"Consider me free from you," I said.

Jackson stared at me. "Mason."

I strode out of the lecture hall without another glance in my best friend's direction and when I was seated in the computer lab across campus, I was breathing hard and sweating. And shaking. I was shaking a bit, as my fingers tried unsuccessfully to log into the system.

I took a breath and tried to calm myself, as I looked around at the few students sitting at nearby stations.

I had had my first real fight with Jackson. Not a mini-argument about which food place to eat, or which direction we should go in. This was a real fight, with real emotions and issues backing up my words.

Suddenly I felt an ache in my chest of all the things I had said to him. It hurt me to know that I said all that to him.

On my fourth try, I had managed to sign onto the computer.

And that's when I realized that Jackson had called me Mason. He hadn't called me Mason since we were five and had met in kindergarten. That was when he had, in his own way, changed my name. Barely anyone called me Mason anymore.

For Jackson to call me by my full name meant that he was being really serious and trying to get my attention to tell me something.

I realized Jackson had been trying to interrupt my little tirade before to tell me something. And I had gone off on him, not even allowing him to talk. I knew that a lot of what I said wasn't true. I was lashing out. Jackson could be a little selfish sometimes, but he loved me, like family.

A sinking feeling moved from my throat to my stomach as I stared blankly at the computer screen, wondering how something seemingly unimportant as a little tiff with my best friend could affect me so badly.

Maybe it was because I knew the things I had said would affect Jackson deeply. He always put on a strong front, but I knew how upset he could get over the little things. I had witnessed it firsthand in the past. I had hurt my best friend.

I felt like the biggest shit.

"Kyle!" I exclaimed, genuinely surprised when I opened my front door Friday evening.

His sweatshirt was zipped up all the way up to his face, covering his chin a bit and he was hunched forward as to ward off the cold. His blue eyes appeared bigger from that angle.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stepping back, and ushering him inside. I quickly shut the door behind him because I was getting cold myself.

"I missed you," Kyle said simply, turning to face me. I instantly felt a bouncy feeling in my stomach and in spite of my funky mood ever since my fight with Jackson, I smiled slightly.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "It was a little bit of withdrawal. I mean, seeing you so much, and then nothing at all Wednesday and Thursday, or today, well, I felt off. I missed you."

I walked over, wrapped my arms around his neck, standing slightly on my tip-toes and kissed him. He leaned down and circled his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. His lips were soft, but after a second of kissing him, I pulled back laughing.

"Your lips are cold!"

"It's cold out tonight," Kyle said pulling me back, tightening his grip. "You'll have to warm me up." He titled his head again, bringing his lips closer to mine.

"That's the cheesiest line I've ever heard. You sound like one of those sleazy creeps who hits on underage girls," I said smiling up at him.

Kyle laughed and rubbed his nose against mine. "Yeah, does that make you not like me anymore?"

I pretended to think about it. "No, I still like you."

"What does that say about you then?" Kyle teased.

"That I'm crazy," I replied jokingly as I closed the gap between our lips.

We kissed and kissed and finally fell onto my couch.

I grunted. "Ouch. You're heavy."

Kyle laughed. "Is that your way of saying I need to hit the gym more or something?"

I could feel the vibrations of his laughter along my body and I smiled.

"Nah, I like you just the way you are," I whispered into his ear. "Even as you crush me."

"Thanks. That's good to know," Kyle said adjusting himself on top of me so all his weight wasn't bearing down on me. He caressed my face and looked down at me. "Did you miss me?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes," I murmured. "Sorry for bailing out on you the past few days. My head hasn't been there and I've been in such a bad mood lately that I wouldn't have been good company at all."

"You should let me be the judge of that," Kyle said.

"Why would you want to spend time with someone who was in a shitty mood?"

"Because then I could cheer you up," Kyle winked and I laughed, rubbing his shoulders. "There are a lot of ways to cheer you up," he said suggestively.

My mouth fell open, but I quickly shut it. "Are you referring to sex?" I asked innocently, even though I knew what he was talking about. I just wanted to tease him.

Usually Kyle was so calm and collected, but it was nice to see him blush and get embarrassed every once in awhile.

"Umm," he began, reddening.

We'd had been together for about a month now. We hadn't gone past making out and heavy petting sessions, and whenever I tended to get carried away, Kyle was always the one to pull back. I guess he was a little reserved on my part, but after a month, I was getting anxious to go further.

I pointed at him. "It's your turn to be embarrassed," I grinned. "Hah!"

"Shut up," he kissed me.

"I agree, there are plenty of ways to cheer me up. You've already cheered me up, just by being here," I said.

"So I guess I don't need to do anything else?" Kyle asked looking intently at me.

"Let's see how things progress," I said grabbing the back of head and pulling him down.

"Fair enough," he said meeting my lips.

It turns out we fell asleep. Don't ask me how, but we did.

One minute making out like crazy, the next conked out on the couch. Maybe it was the warmth of the house, the comfort of the couch, the soothing feel of Kyle on top of me and his enticing kisses, and the stress of Jackson must have taken its toll on my body.

When I woke up, I felt a bit disoriented and Kyle was still lying on top of me, his face pressed against my chest. I shifted slightly and smiled as I felt his warm breath through my shirt. I gently ran my fingers through his hair and he murmured, snuggling further into me.

My legs were falling asleep or had already fallen asleep and I was tempted to throw Kyle off of me to get the circulation running again.

I groaned and shifted again, to help alleviate the pressure, but it didn't work.

"Kyle," I finally whispered. "Kyle, wake up," I shook him. "I can't feel my legs."

No answer. God, this guy slept soundly. I shook him a little harder and he still didn't stir.

Finally, I tried to disentangle myself from his grip. I grabbed onto the couch end behind me and tried to pull myself up and out. I wiggled my upper body from his grasp and sat up, breathing hard. This was proving harder than I had anticipated. Who knew Kyle had a death grip even in his sleep?

When Kyle's face neared my crotch, I almost burst out laughing. But as my legs traveled further, I guess Kyle woke up a little, because he moved with me. I took hold of his hands and pulled them away from me, and kind of rolled onto the floor.

I grimaced when my elbow hit the wooden floor a little hard. I glanced at Kyle who continued sleeping.

"Tired, baby?" I asked rubbing his ear. He murmured some more and I smiled. "I'm going to make us some hot chocolate. You big sleeping baby," I said affectionately before I ventured into the kitchen.

As I got out the milk, chocolate, and marshmallows out, my thoughts wandered to Jackson. I hadn't seen him in a long time, and in the past, we usually spent- if not nearly everyday- then at least the weekends. Friday nights especially. Since we were fighting, it felt really off, to not have any contact with Jackson. More so knowing that he might not want to hear from me made it worse. It was one thing to be busy with Kyle, but another to know I wasn't welcomed to contact Jackson.

How did things blow up in my face in such a short time?

I popped a piece of chocolate into my mouth and chewed on it while I mulled my situation over.

I could always be the bigger man and apologize to Jackson, which I knew I should do since Jackson hadn't really done anything but act like his normal self. And in his own way, was trying to convey to me how much he missed me. I was the one who blew it out of proportion and said all these things that weren't even true- it was just my thoughts getting carried away.

Absent-mindedly popping chocolate into my mouth, I didn't hear Kyle walking up to me. When he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his chest, I jumped in his grip.

"Shit!"

"Whoa, calm down Mace. It's just me," Kyle murmured in my ear, nipping at it gently.

Shivers ran along my body and I snuggled into him. "You startled me."

"You were doing some heavy thinking; I didn't want to interrupt."

"Just thinking about Jackson," I sighed. "I hate when we're fighting. Or really fighting. Not mini-fights. Those are ok.," I rambled. "But this is heavy stuff and it's going to bother me."

"Why not just talk to him?" he asked.

"Because I hate confrontation," I admitted. "I hate discussing things when it's awkward, especially with him, and especially knowing how mad he is at me. He'll just stare at me while I ramble senselessly. What a mess!"

"You know baby, I think sometimes you blow things out of proportion. A simple chat, as uncomfortable as it may be, will be quick and painless. It's the agonizing over it- which you're dong now- is the real killer," Kyle reasoned.

"I know!" I whined, stamping my foot.

Kyle chuckled. "I only say this because I hate seeing you this way. So grumpy," he whispered kissing the side of my neck, hugging me tighter. "I want you to be happy. Or at least in a good mood."

"Me too. I don't want to be moody. Then I ruin our time together," I said.

Kyle spun me around and tilted his head to look me in the eye. "Hey now," he began. "I like spending time with you, even if you're a bit grumpy. So don't go avoiding me the next time you're feeling crummy, because you think you're doing me a favor," he finished seriously. "Ok?" He gripped my chin to make sure I got his meaning.

I nodded. "Ok."

Kyle smiled and kissed my forehead, then nose, and finally my lips.

Together we finished making the hot chocolate and I happily dumped a pile of marshmallows into my mug as Kyle looked on and laughed.

"What?" I asked defensively. "This is what makes hot chocolate so much fun! The melting marshmallows," I said as I popped one into my mouth.

"Yeah, but Mace, that's a lot of marshmallows," he chuckled.

I shrugged and plopped onto his lap. He smiled and rested his hand on my hip as we drank our hot chocolate and talked quietly about the weekend.

Saturday was Valentine's Day.

"Want to see a movie?" he asked.

"On Valentine's Day?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said smiling. "We should do something that day, since we have each other at the moment."

I couldn't contain my grin. My first Valentine's Day with actual plans! With another person, who I was romantically interested in and was romantically interested in me!

"Sure. Although I'm not one to see movies. I get really impatient and antsy, always checking the time. I have like, some kind of ADD or whatever. And the seats are uncomfortable; my ass gets numb."

Kyle's other hand grazed my stomach. "I'll massage it for you."

I pinched his neck and he flinched. "Hey, none of that dirty talk."

"I'm sorry. Forgive me?" he asked, putting on a pleading expression and moving his face closer to mine. His blue eyes loomed at me and I smiled.

"I forgive you," I said kissing him briefly.

He cupped my face and started to deepen the kiss. I opened my mouth wider, allowing his tongue to slip in. I moaned and leaned my weight into him. I felt myself getting aroused and suddenly had an urge to be in my room, on my bed, sans clothing.

A shrill sound interrupted us and I nearly fell off his lap.

It was the doorbell.

It rang insistently and I was pissed off at the person who was so obnoxiously doing this on purpose.

I knew it had to be Jackson.

Dread replaced my annoyance and with a heavy feeling in my stomach, I padded over to the front door, with Kyle not too far behind me.

Sure enough, Jackson was standing there, looking mad, his jaw clenched, his eyes hard.

"Here," he said thrusting a container of something warm.

I fumbled with it slightly before looking at him questioningly.

"My Mom made some chili and demanded I bring it over," he muttered. He practically chucked a bag of tortilla chips into my face. "She figured you wouldn't have any chips to go with it, so she gave you a bag."

I opened my mouth although I didn't know what to say. "Jackson."

He turned without saying goodbye and started making his way back to his house.

"Jackson!"

He stopped and slowly turned around. "You really hurt me Mason. You said some things that weren't even true. I can't believe you'd even think those things. About me."

I licked my lips. "I know."

"I thought we were always there for each other and I find out that all along you think of me as some asshole? Why were we friends for all these years then if I'm such a dick?" he asked, his voice showing his emotion.

"Jackson, I didn't-"

"Whatever, I guess I know how you really see me," Jackson went on.

"Hey, maybe you two should talk inside," Kyle said appearing by my side. "Clear some things up."

"I don't want to," Jackson said stubbornly. "And you," he pointed at Kyle. "You big giant, shit your hole," he looked at me again. "This isn't about him. I do want you to be happy. I just hate how we're getting older now and we're no longer doing everything together. I guess I always expected you to be there in my life and I didn't know how to react when you got so busy. I just missed you," Jackson said, sounding more like his old self.

"I miss you, too," I said biting my lip.

"No, I'm the guy that purposely knocks you down just to make himself feel better, right? I want you to be miserable, right?" he went on, sounding angry.

"I didn't mean it-"

"Like you said, you're free from me." With that, he turned and hopped over the lawn and was out of sight.

Just like that.

I stared at the spot he had been standing and couldn't believe this. I knew he was mad, but this mad? What was going on? Why was he taking it so seriously? I said some things I shouldn't have, but nothing we couldn't talk over.

Not to sound too dramatic, but I think I really lost my best friend.

Fuck.