Should you reading this? This story contains descriptions of sexual interactions between consenting males and if its illegal where you are then, don't do it! If someone says you cant and doesn't have a good reason however, then I quote my favourite author on this site, "Fuck Em" try it, you never know! I do occasionally use derogatory terminology in my work, and I apologize if this causes offence to anyone. It's not meant that way at all. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, I get a little dyslexic at times.
No Control: Part 2
MAX
Darkness. That's all I was really aware of. It seemed everywhere about me, a great directionless mass surrounding me on all sides, stifling yet expansive. There was a light up ahead and I willed my body to float towards it. Wait... float? Definitely dreaming then. The thought was lost to my mind mere moments later, and I was once again in my own reality. I stepped through what appeared to be a doorway and suddenly found myself in the field behind my dads house. I was 12 years old, and I was holding the end of a long board up against a fence post, while my dad hammered the other end into another post. A wasp floated lazily on the breeze then suddenly darted towards me, landing on my hand. I looked at it in horror, unsure of what to do. I needed both hands to hold the heavy board, and if I let go dad would kill me, but what if I got stung?
The question was answered for me a moment later when I felt the sharp pain in my hand. It was just a reaction... honestly I didn't mean to drop the board... but I did. It flopped to the ground causing the end my dad was trying to hammer in to bounce away from him, hitting him in the face. He swore loudly and I looked in sheer terror as he turned towards me. I was so stupid back then... I ran. Ran across the open field away from the rage of my father. But I was 12, and he was pissed. He caught me less then 20 seconds later, grabbing the back of my neck and easily lifting me of the ground, his fingers biting painfully into my flesh. Without a word he threw me into the ground hard, his knee coming down onto my spine, preventing me from moving. He was talking to me but I couldn't hear through my sobs. He roughly grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand out to my side.
I found myself suddenly aware that this was a dream, that I was reliving an old memory. I knew what was about to happen, and I pitied this younger version of myself. This was the only time dad had ever hurt me so bad I had to go to the hospital, or rather, the only time he had bothered to TAKE me to the hospital. After he had finished breaking every finger on that hand he had started kicking me, and had apparently kept going long after I lost consciousness.
But back to the dream, which moved inexorably closer to the moment I was dreading. I saw my dads hand go out and grasp my pinkie finger, then start pulling it backwards. I felt the searing pain acutely, as I were really there again. Right before I knew the `snap' would come, I found blessed relief in the waking world.
DANIEL
I awoke to Maxs shudder. I rolled over to see tears coming from his still-closed eyes and he was whimpering softly in his sleep. What dream could he have that would possibly cause him this much distress? Despite being Max's best friend, I had little idea of what went on with him when he wasn't at school. I knew he could never hang out when he was at his dads house, and that some days he would change away from all the other kids in the locker room, as if he didn't want anyone to see him without the optical barrier of clothing. I knew that he never really wanted to go home when he was at his moms, and would be with me or Alexis as much as possible during that week. And during the summer he just kind of... disappeared. I had never really given much thought to what his home-life must be like, and I felt kind of guilty for that now. I had loving, supportive, and rich parents and took for granted that not everyone had the same. I gently shook his shoulder and he mumbled something that sounded like "please no... hurts" then I shook him harder and his eyes shot open.
He seemed disoriented for a second, then his eyes focused on me. I felt a twinge of fear that he would regret his drunken actions of asking me to sleep in his bed the previous night.
"Oh, hey Dan. What time is it?" he asked sleepily.
"It's just past noon. Bad dream?"
"Yeah, just... stuff. Something involving crazy liquor bottles beating on my head. Wow, drinking doesn't seem worth this!"
He smiled at me and his tear stained visage was momentarily forgotten. It was replaced by more doubts however. We had kissed the night before, but what did that mean to him? Max was impossible to read, and I never knew what he was thinking, and now was no exception. And if I was hoping for some hint from Max, I knew I would be waiting a long while.
"Max..." I started.
"No Dan its fine, let me. I don't know if I'm gay, or bi, or just curious, only time will tell. But for now, lets just live in the moment and enjoy it, alright?" Max again smiled at me as he finished his monolog, and then leaned towards me, his breath smelling of stale alcohol and his own unique smell, but I didn't mind. Our lips touched gently but firmly, and I pushed myself into him even more, my raging hard on throbbing and pushing me to even greater daring as I wrapped my arms around him. To my dismay however, Max pulled away from me and wrapped his strong arms around my torso, easily lifting me over top of him and placing me on his other side, then he stood and grinned at me.
"I'm gonna go have a shower, don't go anywhere!"
I barley registered the words, since I was far to caught up in the fact that my wet dream was standing not three feet away from me in plaid boxers, his six pack and rippling muscles laid bare to my eyes for the first time in completion, his black hair disheveled by a nights sleep, and his green eyes twinkling. But those damn boxers! And he had been laying in my arms not 30 seconds ago! Why did he stop it? God this boy would be the death of me. I pouted and flopped back on the bed as Max walked, no glided from the room, his bare feet making not a sound. What was going on in his head right now? I would kill to know.
MAX
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My entire god damned life I had been a master of my emotions and now one person, who I had already known for almost three years, was fucking it up. My mind was a solace, an orderly place where I could control everything. When my dad made me sleep in the barn, or tied me to the electrical fence, or just beat me, I could run to my mind and wait it out. I didn't know it, but it was really just a form of extreme escapism, and I was damn good at it, going so far as to be able to ignore my nervous system and disregard pain altogether. But Daniel... Daniel was shoving aside almost two decades of barriers and making me unsure again. How DID I feel about him? I liked him, I had thought of him as my closest friend before yesterday, and I could trust him with almost anything. But now? Now he was more then a friend, WAY more. And he wanted to sleep with me... not sleep with me, but SLEEP with me. I felt childish and ignorant to every move he made. I had done right in stopping him... I knew I had. But... fuck I didn't know.
All right. Lets get my mind in order here. Facts; I had to work at 3pm. I needed a shower. My head hurt. I had a boner. Dan had given me that boner. I liked kissing him. I loved the feel of his skin. He wanted to do more. Deep down, I did too, it was simple fear that stopped me. Now the question; do I let him?
No I decided. I would wait a bit. I had waited 18 years, I could wait another week. I stepped out of the shower I didn't even remember getting in to and dried off. Slipping my boxers back on, I walked back into my room. It wasn't mere coincidence that I walked silently; if I woke dad up, he would make me sleep in the barn for the rest of the night, regardless of what time of year it was; the trick was luring the horses into laying down and using them for warmth, but I digress.
I looked at Daniel, not asleep, but with his eyes closed facing the roof. He wore only his boxers and I took a moment to admire the view. His short cropped blond hair framed his angular but perfectly proportioned face, his slender neck meeting with his small shoulders, his pectorals perfectly defined and his six pack nicely contoured. Daniel didn't work out to get strong, he worked out just enough to look amazing, that was after all, the goal. My eyes continued downward, down his hairless chest to the bulge in his boxers and on to his shapely legs, still hairless. I felt a huge twinge of self consciousness. I was hairy all over. Not an obscene amount of hair, but it was noticeable. How could Daniel ever like someone who didn't at least match him in beauty? Besides that, there was a hell of a lot about me he didn't know, that no one knew. This brought to mind the time I had tried to call child services to get away from dad. He had dialed the head of child protection services and handed me the phone saying "Larry, Max has something he would like to tell you." I had been unable to say anything, such was the cage of terror and intimidation I lived in. My dad had talked to the man for ten minutes then hung up. I spent the next week living in the hayshed without meals for being ungrateful. No, Daniel knew nothing. Could know nothing.
I gently sat on the bed next to him and placed my hand on his stomach and ran my fingertips along his smooth skin. A smile crept onto his beautiful face and he opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Daniel, I'm sorry I stopped you, but I just need to take things slowly alright."
"Its fine Max, I know you've never been with another guy before."
"Dan... I've never been with anyone before..."
I could tell my answer surprised him, I could practically hear all the questions fighting to get out of his mouth at once.
DANIEL
Wait a sec. Stop everything here. Max was a virgin? He was 18 for gods sake! 18 and drop dead gorgeous! The girls at school considered him mysterious and sexy, and I got asked almost weekly to try and hook them up. I figured Max must be at least tapping a few. But here was Adonis himself admitting to being totally ignorant of all things sexual. And I had tried to get to third base 24 hours after he had kissed someone for the first time. A wave of guilt swept over me and I slowly sat up and swung my legs to the floor so I was sitting next to him. I snaked my arm around his waist and leaned into him, and for once the skin on skin contact didn't make me pop a stiffy in record time.
"Wow, I'm sorry Max, I didn't know. You take the lead then, and I wont push you any more."
Max smiled at me and nodded, and we both stood and started getting dressed. It was Saturday, and I knew Max would have to work, probably around three like he usually did, and we had to get going if we were going to spend any time together at all. I knew he worked at a restaurant downtown, and that he was in the kitchen, but no more then that. Another point of painful ignorance on my part I realized. Max could name every guy I had ever dated, every single person I talked to at school, and was on a first name basis with my parents, and I knew he was the same with Alexis. Yet neither of us knew a damned thing about this amazing boy. I would fix that I decided.
The next few hours passed uneventfully, but they were truly some of the best of my life. We sat on the sofa in his mothers living room (she wasn't home) and cuddled, watching TV and enjoying being near each other. His strong arm felt so good draped around my shoulder, his other across my stomach and his breath tickling the back of my neck. And he smelt so good! Max didn't wear cologne, but he had his own unique smell that was distinctly masculine and sexy. I felt frail when I was in his arms, but at the same time there was a sense of protection emanating from him, and I knew I would always be safe in his arms.
Eventually it was time to leave and we piled into my BMW, and drove off to the restaurant he worked at. I parked out back and Max leaned in and looked deep into my eyes. He brought his hand up and gently stroked my cheek, then leaned forwards and brushed his lips against mine.
"I wont be done work until late."
"I'll be waiting" I responded, smiling widely.
MAX
As I climbed the stairs to the restaurants back door, I watched Daniels car speed off down the road, recklessly fast, and I smiled to myself. I liked him. I liked him a LOT. The word love floated into my mind and I considered it. Love. Ask anyone for a definition and they will almost always come up with a parents love for a child, but I would hardly compare the man who raised me to that amazing boy. What did it mean to love? I didn't love my father, or mother, so I had nothing to base this on. I didn't hate my dad, I wasn't allowed to. But did I love Daniel? I read a lot, so I had a good grasp of romantics, and I saw myself as being silly. One simply didn't fall in love that fast.
I walked into the restaurant and waved at all the servers as I passed, and they waved back. I trod into the kitchen and said hello to the cooks who were working at that point, before heading to the back managers office.
I had told my dad one lie in my entire life. Only one. It was about how much money I made. My dad thought I made 8 dollars an hour as a dishwasher, hell even my friends thought I was just flipping burgers. Having not even graduated high-school, I was making 45,000$ a year as a the night sous-chef at this place. I had over 27,000$ in the bank for when school was done, to pay for college and my own place. I had decided long ago that I needed a plan, and this was it. I never spent my money, and I NEVER let my dad know that I had set up a separate bank account by myself four years ago. There were some things he just didn't need to know!
Tonight I was the only kitchen manager in, so I went about my usual tasks and set up the line (the fancy term for the place where all the food is cooked for those who don't know) and got everything ready for service. As the sous-chef, I got to pick which station I worked on, and I usually chose pans. I loved it. Imagine having 20 burners on in front of you, 20 separate pans of food seconds away from burning, sweat pouring down your brow and people screaming in your ear. Sounds like fun right? Well, I liked it. After the dinner rush was over I went to the office while everyone else closed the kitchen down and did paperwork. Finally the last staff member walked in and told me all was shutdown before leaving. I did my walkthrough of the kitchen and shut down the lights. I stepped into the back alley wondering if I should call a cab or try to catch the last train home when I saw a familiar car parked towards the end of the alley. Dan was here! It was almost one AM and he had still come to pick me up.
I felt a surge of happiness and ran up to the passenger side window. Dan was asleep leaning back in the drivers seat, his face an angelic expression of peace, a slight smile on his lips. I tapped the glass and he opened his eyes and looked at me, the smile spreading and expanding to encompass his whole face. He hit the automatic locks and I climbed in. After a long and tender kiss he sped off and we eventually pulled up in front of his house. We stepped out quietly and snuck up to the front door, which Daniel unlocked with his keys. Kicking off our shoes, we quietly headed for the basement, through the quiet halls of his parents massive home. As we finally stepped into his room, I was again awed by how spoiled he was. A big screen TV took up one end of the huge room, a large leather couch crouched in front of it. His king sized bed rested behind the couch and a desk with a top of the line computer sat next to the door. He had his own walk in closet and bathroom as well. Letting out a low whistle I turned to him and said "You're a spoiled brat you know."
He grinned and said "I know, its great isn't it!"
I laughed and flopped onto the couch.
"So what's the plan for the evening sir?" I asked
Daniel walked over to me and sat on my lap.
"I'm content as long as I get to sit here. A movie maybe?"
We settled on Pirates of the Caribbean and Daniel flicked the various required machines on and inserted the DVD while I quietly stood behind him and crawled into his bed, which was positioned so that you cold still watch the TV while laying in it. Once it was started Dan stood and turned around, noting I was in the bed and came and crawled in next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my chest.
"Mmmm, this is comfy." He murmured.
I smiled and gently ran my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. We both briefly stood and dressed down to our boxers before crawling back into position, and I could feel Daniels hardness pressed into my thigh. And I was sincerely glad that the huge comforter Dan had on his bed was hiding my own erection! Daniel fell asleep about halfway through the movie, and I continued letting my hand roam up and down his back and into his hair, eventually drifting off into a very restful sleep, the likes of which I hadn't enjoyed in a long while.
It went that way almost every night that week, and Alexis was more the happy to learn that we had grown `close'. Dan asked a lot of questions that week while we were alone, most of which were about my parents, which I diverted successfully for the most part. We didn't let on at school that we were together. We never discussed it, but Dan respected my desire to keep it secret. There was only three months of school left after all.
On Thursday night I told him it was the last night I'd be able to stay over until the next time I was at my moms house and he pouted for hours until I made out with him for a solid 20 minutes, after which he was just giggling and happy. We went to sleep that night both thinking that we could never get any happier then this, and that nothing could go wrong.
How wrong we were.
I love ominous endings. Let me know what you think, M-Davidson@hotmail.ca