DISCLAIMER: This story involves explicit descriptions of gay sex between two consenting adults. If you're under 18 (21 in some locales), or are offended by this kind of thing, please get out. Otherwise, enjoy! Feel free to email me letting me know what you think; I'm deciding whether to make this a series, so let me know if you like it! ;)
The night it happened, the first night you and I fucked, was the night of the Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. That's when it all started; that's when all this--all the times we've laughed and all the times we've fought, and all the things that I feel about you--that's when it all began. I didn't think the sex would be a thing. I thought it would be a one-and-done. But it was only the beginning.
It was a Saturday. The sun sets early in winter in Chicago, and a cold wind ripped through my hair as I trudged the two-and-a-half miles uphill from work. Working in a bookstore was a pretty good college job (well-paid, relaxing, indoors), but it didn't do much for one's adventurous side. So every once in a while, I'd try to spice things up by flirting with someone who came into the store. Today's target was a man, probably mid-thirties, balding on top (which you know I love) with glasses, a square jaw, and a warm, crooked smile. He wore a close-cut button-down shirt and tight jeans, and I thought I could see a little bulge sticking out of the front (but I could have been imagining things). Having selected my prey, I stalked him to the back of the store and down the biography aisle.
"Can I help you, sir?" I asked cordially, standing perhaps a bit too close.
He looked back at me, and I swear I got a hard-on. His eyes, cool gray with a touch of blue in the upper corners, grabbed hold of my heart----not to mention my loins. I could feel him give me the up-down. I'm not tall (a meager 5'6"), but my height works well with my fine hair and fair skin (which put together make me look innocent and playful--exactly my niche). I took a deep breath; he smelled strongly of Old Spice deodorant and a tinge of sweat. It was heaven. I felt myself getting stiff.
"Yes," he replied finally. "I'm looking for..."
He said the name of some book or other, and thankfully I knew where it was. On the bottom shelf--perfect for bending-over purposes.
"Is it for work or for pleasure?" I asked over my shoulder as I led him to the title.
"What?" he asked, distracted by something.
"Are you reading for work or for pleasure?"
"Oh," he said, non-commitally. "Pleasure, I suppose. Although often I seem to get the two mixed up." I looked over my shoulder with him and we held another moment of smoldering eye-contact.
This was going perfectly. This was when I loved my job.
We arrived at the shelf and maneuvered myself so that I was directly in front of him, and bent over to grab the book. Now, I expected him to look a little bit, but I did not expect to feel him leaning forward, pressing his rapidly-stiffening cock against my ass. It felt very nice. I returned the pressure, pushing back against his dick. I felt one of his hands move to one cheek, and with another he began to play with my waistband.
I was shocked. I thought this kind of thing happened only in movies, or in those gay stories you read online. His left hand (the one on my ass) began to massage gently and he began rubbing up and down with his hips, pleasuring his dick on my round ass. Then he reached his right hand around and, in one swift motion, grabbed my balls and nearly-erect dick and began to massage them sensually. I let out a low moan, my hand still reaching for the book.
Suddenly, all hands were released as my new friend pulled away. I was surprised but, looking up, I could see that another customer had entered the aisle with us. I grabbed the book, stood up and handed it to him. We locked eyes again, and he raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment of the moment we'd just had.
"Yeah, this is it. Thanks."
As he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, he asked, "Do you work here full-time? You look a little young to be starting work."
"No," I said. "I'm only here Saturdays and Sundays."
"Well," he said, picking up his bag, firmly brushing my hand in the process, "you can never have too many books. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."
I made some noncommittal remark about how I hoped so, but the bottom line is that I was horny as all hell making the arctic trek back to school, and I knew I would need to get my rocks off that night. A bunch of frats were open for the solstice----as a sophomore, I could still get away with going to those frat parties----and I fully intended on using the dark dancefloor to my advantage. I reached my room as the sun was setting, and, after a few hours of studying, found myself getting ready for the night with my friend Tye.
"Going after any new chicks tonight?" I asked as I pulled on the appropriate sleeveless (to be worn, of course, under a heavy jacket) for the black-and-white party.
"Nahh, I think I'm gonna stick with that girl Alice, from history. I think she's really into me." Tye took a long swig from the bottle we were sharing (straight, no chaser) and then handed it to me.
"You mean, you think you can get laid tonight, if you stay with Alice?" I took a quick drink.
Tye smiled sheepishly. "You know me too well. How about you? Any boys in your plans tonight?"
I thought about it. I was going to hook up, I knew that for sure. You could never be sure about sex, but I knew that night somebody was gonna take my spunk and I was gonna return the favor. I whisked through a panoply of boys in my head. I knew who you were, in the back of my brain; you were in my Spanish class first semester, and we'd hooked up before, in the back of SigEp at mid-fall weekend. But I didn't think of you when I thought about sex that night. You certainly weren't the reason I went out. Which is funny, because of what you became.
"Probably," I said. "I need to get my rocks off, real bad."
Tye and I entered the fraternity in a drunken haze, and lost each other quickly to the pretty lights and music and boys moving around us. I danced and made out with a couple of boys--Markus from the dance collective and Nathan from my american lit class--but nothing significant. Nothing like what was coming.
I first saw you when I was looking for Tye--to make sure he was okay and doing fine and getting action, like he wanted. I was scoping the dark fraternity basement and my eyes gravitated toward your bright yellow sleeveless, the one with the lion wearing sunglasses on the front, and my first thought was "He's not going with the black-and-white theme. What a dick." And then I saw how you were dancing, with Vick (the exchange student from Norway), and I noticed how sexy your shoulders and enticing the scruff on your soft chin looked, and I saw that you were laughing and getting low and I thought "Damn, I want to be having that much fun!" So I wandered (oh so casually) over to you and began dancing in front of you as though I were minding my own business.
At first you weren't noticing, because you were dancing with Vick and probably entranced by her white-blonde hair and not looking at anyone else, so I began to inch closer to you, hoping that, if I brushed you with my shoulder and ass, I could take your attention away from Vick long enough to reel you in.
I felt your hips lock on to my ass first. We were swaying in perfect rhythm, and through my jeans I thought I could feel your soft dick rocking from side to side, but I couldn't be sure. I could feel you breathing against my neck, hard like we'd been dancing for a long time. Your breath made me tingle, and I felt the blood rushing to my groin.
Then you grabbed my waist with your hands and slowly, very slowly, almost imperceptibly, began moving them down and in, reaching for my dick with your fingers while hooking my waistband with your thumbs. You put your mouth on my neck and, as I craned my head back to give you fuller access, you kissed me softly and tickled my neck with your stubble. We danced like that for a while, with your hands grabbing at my dick and your mouth playing with my neck. Tantalizing me; pulling me in.
Then I turned around, and instantly our lips met and my tongue was in your mouth and rolling around and massage yours, while your tongue made a mad dash for the inside of my throat. I grabbed your soft hair with one hand and your firm ass with the other; I felt your hands slip my waistband, plunging between my pants and my briefs, and squeezing my ass passionately. It was pure ecstasy. I let out a sigh of sexual release and kissed you harder, thrusting my tongue deeper into you, pulling on your hair with uncomfortable might.
That's when I began to get hard. What with the kissing, and the grabbing my ass (which only intensified as your fingers found the waistband of my briefs and slipped under, caressing my ass in its natural state), I couldn't control myself. A new song came on and we picked up the pace, and I released your hair and began to reach down for your dick, to make sure you were erect too, that it wasn't just I who was ready for sexual intensification.
You were.
I cupped your balls with three fingers, massaging them gently as I used my finger and thumb to rub up and down your stiffening shaft. I could feel your thin layer of public hair through your pants, and this feeling only intensified my stiffy. Your face smelled so good; the touch of your rough hands on my ass was driving me crazy. I could have danced like that all night, in that dark frat basement, ignoring the glares of others and pleasing you and only you. And I would have stayed like that, dancing all night, had you not taken the next step. Or, rather, the next thrust.
The first finger was fine. I wasn't expecting it when you put it in, when you gently massaged my boyhole to loosen it up and then pushed your finger through to the knuckle. I wasn't expecting it. Nor was I expecting the pleasure I would feel. I loved it; I kissed you harder and rubbed your pulsing cock faster and I think I bit your lip, (sorry). You thrusted your finger in and out of my butthole, and began circularly massaging the opening; my insides were tingling with pleasure, and my toes began to curl in anticipation of more. When you pushed in the second finger, when the thick shaft penetrated my open hole, a spark of energy shot up my spine, and I moaned loudly enough that you stopped kissing and chuckled and asked,
"You okay?"
the first words you'd said to me all night. I controlled myself, controlled to urge to scream "YES I want more now OH GOD YES JOEL FUCK ME NOW" and smiled seductively and said, in a calm voice
"Yeah, it's good."
And then we were kissing again and I was rubbing your cock and you were pushing your fingers in and out of my tight hole, sending shockwaves of pleasure through my body which very nearly prevented me from dancing. No longer able to control myself, I thrust my hand into the front of your briefs and grabbed your stiff member. It was shorter than I had imagined, but also thicker, and I began to massage the head as I played with your hairy balls with my pinky. In time with the thrusting of your fingers, I rubbed my cock (still in my pants but now rock-hard and dripping with precum) against you as we danced.
The third finger was too much. It felt just right; it sent me even closer to the edge and made me think "Rrrrrrghgh oh god what if I cum right here in this frat". And that's when we stopped kissing and I leaned back into your fingers so all three went all the way in and I moaned
"Mmmmmm...MmmUuuuhh...MMmnnnnnuuuUunnh Oh God let's go somewhere."
And you said, "My place?" (You had a single.)
And I said, "Your place"
and out into the darkness of the cold night without either of our coats ("We'll get them later") and walking the giant hill you had not told me lay between the frat and your dorm. We walked side-by-side, and you were rubbing my ass the whole way. When I reached for your hand, you let go of my ass and grabbed it and we held hands and walked there.
It was darker in your room than it had been outside, and you drew the Roman blinds to ensure that, God forbid we should fall asleep like this, the sun wouldn't wake us in the morning.
Then you turned and pushed me to your bed while I was tripping out of my briefs and you jumped on top of me, straddling me as you pulled off your shirt with one hand and ripped off my underwear with the other. You were only in briefs now, the orange ones with the bright blue patch over your dick, the ones I would grow to know so well, and even in the darkness I could see the re-stiffening of your cock by the second. You saw my staring at your dick, eyes glimmering like those of an animal, and chuckled quietly.
"You're not looking bad yourself."
And I looked down at my own swelling dick, and you were right. I had trimmed just a week before, and a thick layer of light brown hair covered the bass of the growing shaft.
"Let's see if we can't help that," you said playfully, reaching under my shirt and beginning to tweak my nipples with your round, firm fingers. I moaned gently, and felt my balls pulse as more and more blood rushed to my nether regions. Quickly, my cock perked up and began to grow even more. The fleshy pink head, slick with precum and gorged with lust, was growing bigger by the second; within a minute, my dick was at full attention, and you looked at it with hungry eyes.
"There we go."
You leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips, shoving your tongue down my throat as you continued to tweak my nipples. Then I felt one of your hands move down, away from my nipple to my hungry cock. I moaned in ecstasy and made some attempt at movement; I wanted to play with you, to return the pleasure, to fulfill your lustful desires as you so completely fulfilled mine, but in my state of drunkenness I was helpless to the waves of pleasure that pulsed from my cock and swept over my body. Instead of grabbing you, of massaging gently or rubbing vigorously, I simply gyrated my hips, certain I'd have the opportunity to please you later. You removed your sweet, thick lips from my mouth and looked in my eyes.
"Let's get to real business, okay?"
Your grip on my cock tightened, sending a grunt to my mouth----the only positive response I could muster. Then, you moved down along my body, sucking briefly on both of my nipples before moving down my stomach, kissing my flesh tenderly until you reached the soul patch above my dick. You played with the hair for a moment, licking it sensually, in a way I'd never been licked before. Then you moved right to the dick. Before I could realize what was happening, you grabbed me by the nuts and pulled my cock down your throat, swallowing the thing whole and massaging around the long shaft with your rough, wet tongue.
"Mmmmnnnn...AAaahhhHh...Oh fuck, Joel...OH FUCK, that feels so fucking good."
I wiggled my hips, thrusting my cock deeper and deeper down your throat as you took it, fiercely massaging my balls and gagging at the pleasure of it all. Finally mobile, I reached one hand down and tugged at your hair, massaging your as sensually as I could manage with my dick down your throat. Your sweet tongue felt heavenly on my pulsing cock; I could feel my balls tightening, and a few times the warm, wet pleasure of your tight mouth almost sent me over the edge.
"Hold on, hold on..." I finally said, tugging at your hair and breathing heavily from the workout I was getting. "Stop. I don't wanna cum" You looked up at me, quizzically. "Not yet."
You smiled your cute, crooked smile, and you patted my stomach patronizingly.
"Okay, I get it." You moved up to my face and kissed me softly on the mouth. I could taste my sweet cock on your tongue, feel the salt of the precum I had so eagerly squirt slosh into my mouth. We held the kiss for I don't know how long, taste each other completely and waiting for our dicks to calm down a bit. After a moment, you pulled back.
"My turn."
We flipped over so you were lying on your back, your hairless chest winking at me in the darkness, your erect cock tenting your briefs at the groin. I reached my hand down and massaged the shaft tenderly; your cock jumped at the newfound attention I was giving, and grew even bigger in my palm. With my other hand I reached around and played with the back of your hair. I kissed you hard on your soft mouth, thrusting my tongue deep into your throat, feeling the warmth of your tongue caressing mine. With my dick-hand I struggled at your waistband, trying in vain to rip you out of your briefs. With one swift motion, you pulled your briefs down around your ankles. Your flagpole dick popped out of the briefs and bobbed around a few times before coming to an erect standstill.
I resumed massaging your dick, rubbing the thick shaft gently up and down as I kissed around your mouth. Then I moved down your left arm and, after kissing and licking your hand for a while, took one, then two, then three of your fingers in my mouth. I sucked on them tenderly, still jacking your dick, hoping you would think that kind of thing was as erotic and cool as I did. And you seemed to think so; you groaned gruffly from the pleasure of my sensory stimulation.
And then I felt your hand pressing down on my head, beckoning me away from your fingers and toward a more sensitive spot. I knew your intentions; I released the vicegrip of my mouth on your fingers and moved slowly, sensually, tenderly kissing your hips and pubic region, down to your throbbing cock. I licked around the shaft a few times, lubricating the gorged and bulbous head for the pleasure it was about to receive. Then I jammed your warm, salty cock into my mouth.
I sucked it up and down for a long time, massaging the bulging shaft with my tongue as my lips moved forward and back. You let out a few grunts and grabbed my head with both hands, pushing me more firmly toward your torso, pushing your dick further down my throat. I gagged from the intensity with which you shoved your cock into me, but you showed no signs of relenting; I swallowed the gag and continued blowing you like the champion dick-sucker I was. I slid my mouth up and down the shaft, running my tongue along the ridge beneath your dick head, hoping to send waves of pleasure through your body with every lick.
And apparently it was working.
"MMMmmaaahhh...Yeahhh...aww fuckk yeah, AH that feels so fucking good. Don't stop-- Don't....Uuunnhhh fuck don't stop!!"
I kept licking for a minute or so and continued to massage your balls slowly with my hand, enjoying seeing you writhe in ecstasy and jerking my own pulsing cock to the sounds of your moaning. Suddenly, I felt your balls tighten and your dick harden in my mouth, and I knew I had gotten you close to the edge of cumming. But I didn't want that. Not yet. I knew, and had known since you pushed me down on to your bed, that I wanted you to cum inside me. I only hoped you would oblige.
I took your dick out of my mouth and (afraid to look up at the disappointment that would undoubtedly flood your eyes), I moved down to your nuts, taking each in my mouth for a moment and sucking on them sensually. Your dick and balls had the sexiest musky odor, and I breathed in your stench as I sucked your sweet balls and (after a moment of rest) gently massaged your dick.
Then, I decided, it was time to move even lower.
I had only rimmed once, Kevin Mahndun--the senior at the end of my freshman year--and I didn't remember how it smelled or tasted because I'd been wasted beyond recognition that night. As I moved my face deeper between your legs, however, I could tell that rimming you was going to be an enjoyable experience for all parties involved. Your beautiful musky odor followed me on my trip southward; when I reached the beautiful rosebud of your boyhole, I breathed in the same scent that had made your balls so irresistible.
I lingered around your tight hole for a moment, breathing in your primal sweat, massaging your thick shaft as I readied myself for the plunge. I guess I waited too long, because you reached down, grabbed the back of my head, and with a simple
"Lick it. God, eat it!"
pulled my face into you----nearly stuffing your ass with my nose. Taking your oh-so-subtle hint, I breathed deeply and plunged my tongue into your pink asshole, twisting the tongue around to maneuver myself as deep as possible inside of you. My tongue felt around your insides, and I was surprised by how non-offensive the whole affair was. I nudged your balls tenderly with my nose, sucking hard on your asshole and rigorously jerking myself to the "MMMmmnhhhhh AhhhhuauuhhHHUHHHHH UHHHGH" caused by my proficiency at eating your ass.
"Uuuuughhh, awww yea," you moaned, pushing my head deeper into your asshole. "Ohhhh fuuuck, oh yeah, that feels so fucking good."
With your free hand you grabbed the hand jerking your cock, directing me in how you wanted to be jerked, moving my hand up and down faster and more rigorously.
I could have licked your tight boyhole all night, edging myself as you grunted and writhed with pleasure. But, all of a sudden, you pulled my head away from your ass by my bangs. I looked you in the eyes, and you whispered two simple words:
"Fuck me."
We should have used a condom. Not that we had anything to transfer, not that either of us caught anything from the other, but it would have been the smart thing to do. But, in that moment of pure lust, I didn't care about being safe. I brusquely pushed your legs back over your head (exposing your sweet butthole--mine for the taking) and spat once in each hand. One hand went immediately to my bulbous, throbbing cock, as I rubbed the makeshift lubricant up and down the thick shaft; the other hand I pushed firmly into your tight butthole, already loose from my fantastic (if I do say so myself) rimming, massaging in one, two, three fingers as you let out a weak, sexy
"AAAhhhhhh.."
"OOooohhhh!"
"AAhhhnn Fff--fffFuuckkk!!"
Once the lubrication was finished, I grabbed you by the hips and, after one last gentle kiss on the lips, sidled up directly behind you and plunged my dick deep into your anus. I had no patience for slow, genteel penetration; I liked it rough, and I wanted to be all the way inside you with as little lag time as possible.
"Hhaaa----Aaahhhhhhh Kurt, Ohhh fuck kurt...!"
You moaned, and I realized that it was the first time you'd said my name. It was nice; it almost made me stop in my tracks. It was so lovely to hear you call my name, in the unbearable pleasure and irresistible pain that was the first thrust.
But, as I said, it only *almost *stopped me in my tracks.
I held my cock deep inside you for a moment, then pulled out slightly and, with a crooked grin, plunged back in again. I repeated this motion----thrusting deep inside you, deep as I could go, pushing so far that I thought the base of my cock might burst your tight little boyhole, and then pulling out, your asshole squeezing against my cock, massaging the pulsing shaft, sending waves of pleasure through my tense body, then back deep into you----for at least fifteen good minutes. There was lots of
"Ohhhh, fuckk, Kurt--HHHhaaooo Fuckkkk"
and lots of
"Unnh...unnh..unggnnh yeahh, oh fuck yeah, I love that tight boyhole. God, Joel...it;s so fucking good."
and lots of
"Ahhh fuck me Kurt...ohhh, fuck me deeper...OAaahhh, Unnnnghhh------cum inside me!!"
and lots of
"Yeah...yeahhh...you like that?"
And eventually, I got close enough to the edge that I felt sure that I would come soon. I leaned over your legs, kissing you fiercely on the mouth and cheeks, shoving my tongue deep inside you, and grabbed for your thick, throbbing cock with my hand and started wildly jacking it while I massaged your nuts and rammed into you with my stiffy.
"Ohhhhh, fuck Joel...oh, fuck...I'm gonna cum."
I was getting closer every second. Thrust, thrust
"Ohhhh, fuck...OH GOD, Fuck Joel!!"
thrust, thrust
"Ohhh fuck Joel, OH FUCK...OHHHH FUCK I'M CUMMING."
thrust, thrust and you grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me down to you and shoved your tongue deep into my throat as I came, as I shot load after load into you hot, tight ass, as my balls twitched and I unloaded my seed into your sweet, sticky hole.
When I was finished cumming, I pulled my dick slowly out of your ass, moving down to lick up the semen oozing out of your pink hold and onto the sheets. Then, dick still glimmering with a fair amount of jizz, I straddled your chest and rubbed my cock around your face, painting your stubble with my slick spunk.
"AHhh, fuck yeah!" you moaned. "Fucking unload on my face!"
Then came the switcheroo. You seamlessly flipped around me and I dropped down, so I was lying face-down on the sheets and you were on top of me, straddling my ass and lubing up your dick with some spit.
It was no playing with you, no little penetrative foreplay or gentle massaging of the asshole. You lubed up your dick, spread my cheeks wide, and, after just on lick of my tight hole, you shoved your fat cock deep down into my ass.
"NNnnnhh....Nnggahhhh.... Ohhhh, Fuckkk," I moaned as you slid your dick deeper into my ass, stretching my tight boyhole with your cock. Your dick felt so good inside me, massaging the walls of my insides. You got all the way down to the base, and I could feel your pubes pressing against my ass as you moaned,
"FUCK yeah...Oh God, you're so good!"
I tightened my ass around your dick, sending a shiver of ecstasy up your body I could feel. Then you pulled out, rocking your dick back and forth in my asshole, waited a moment, and then plunged your cock back inside me.
"OHHH," I moaned, as the pain and pleasure of you throbbing cock inside my hungry ass created erotic sensations I'd never felt before. You began thrusting faster, pushing your cock in and out of my tight hole. I writhed in pleasure with your dick inside me, moaning softly, and you pulled back my head and said,
"Yeah? You like it when I fuck you?"
You didn't wait for an answer. You flipped me over----your cock twisting in my ass and sending a wave of pleasure through my body----grabbed my hips with your hands, and began fucking me from the front. My legs were up over my head, and I watched in the dark as beads of sweat rolled down your face, eyes moving about under closed eyelids in animalistic lust.
I rotated my hips, reciprocating for you the pleasure you gave me (which you acknowledged with a slow "Uuuunngtghhh"). Then, feeling myself getting stiff again, I took one of your hands and guided it to my cock, rubbing up and down to show you the speed and intensity I wanted. You took the hint and picked up, leaving my hands free to rub your torso in pleasure. Faster, faster, thrust thrust thrust "ohhhh it feels so fucking good" I moaned, and you leaned over, kissing my chest and began tenderly sucking my nipples, still rabidly fucking me and jacking my dick the whole time. Your hair danced against my face as you thrusted. You took your face off my nipples and looked at me without opening your eyes.
"Oh fuck....aahhhh fuckk Kurt...FUCK, I'm gonna...I'm gonna cum."
And I knew it was true because I could feel your cock stiffening inside of me. I reached around you and grabbed your ass by both cheeks, pulling you deeper into me. I could feel the cum building in my balls, too.
"Go ahead."
You thrusted for a few seconds more and then whispered, desperately, overcome with desire:
"FUCK, Kurt, I need to pull out...I'm about to cum..."
"NO!" I squeezed your ass and kissed you hard on the mouth, shoving my tongue deep into you. "Cum inside me."
And then it happened. You let out a gruff "AHHHH....UGHH...AHHHHHGG----" and I felt your dick begin to pulse, shooting glob after glob of cum inside me, wallpapering my ass with your sweet boyjuice. Your mouth twitched as you spasmed into me, and I could feel your ass clench with every shot. The corners of your mouth twitched as you came, and you emitted periodical animalistic grunts as you shot into me.
And with your cum, the energy of your orgasm pulsed from you to me, and I felt it happening again.
"FUCK----FUUU----" was all I could get out before I began to cum uncontrollably, shooting load after warm load of spunk onto my chest. You doubled over, putting your mouth on my dick to catch what I was shooting. I could feel my toes curling beneath us, and my eyes rolled up into the back of my head as the immense pleasure swept through my body, reaching my very core. When it was all over, you collapsed on top of me, my wet, sticky cum spreading over our stomachs.
"Fuck."
"fuck"
I don't remember the rest. I don't remember your pulling out, the cum dribbling out of me as I stood up; I don't remember pulling on my sleeveless and kissing you softly as you shut the door. Maybe I was too drunk, or maybe it was too dark, or maybe the rest of the night had been so good that I wanted to block the leaving out of my head.
But that night was only the first of many during our relationship where I would have to block things out to keep the pain away. Many nights in the future I would find the joy I felt at your company and sex matched by a pain and sadness that I tried oh so dutifully to ignore. This was just the first night when I blocked something out of my memory because I thought it would be good for us. It was indicative of what came next. I fought to forget to save what we had, but I only made it worse, leaving holes in the story which we would never be able to fix.