Nick and Jimmy

"Nick and Jimmy" By The Goblin

Nifty Archive: Gay Male: Celebrity

This story is fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of Nick Robinson or Jimmy Bennet or any personal knowledge about their private lives.

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Chapter 1

It was at a party in the early fall of 2015. I was far from home, in New York. The weather began to come with a chill. The party was its normal soiree with a few people I did know, but mostly full of people I had never seen before. Smiles. Fake smiles. You had to pretend that you knew everyone. Pretend that you liked the food. Pretend to be somebody else.

That's how life was before that night. Life was full of pretending. Full of wishing I were someone else but somehow being completely satisfied with who I was at the same time.

After a few hours my face began to hurt from all the pretense. It was time to go but first I had to find a bathroom.

I don't believe in premonitions and am not really superstitious but looking back I remember how rapidly my heart began to beat. How nervous I became before I even knew why. While washing my hands someone came up from behind then took the sink next to me. I did not want to make eye contact at first but something strong compelled me. Something pulled on me. Almost as if in that dimly lit room this person's reflection began to glow. Carefully I took a quick glance and through the mirror, I locked eyes with the darkest green eyes. I knew immediately, what it was. I knew what I needed.

I didn't do anything. Instead I shut the sink off, and dried my hands. With one single glance, my entire world change though it didn't even last half a second. I didn't do anything.

While making the rounds to say goodbye, I noticed him sitting with a group of people. He seemed to be interacting with all of them and I knew right away that I would be too shy to say or do anything.

Back to my hotel in deep regret, it was hard getting to sleep that night. I couldn't stop the thoughts about him in my head. I kept tossing and turning until eventually I threw off the covers knowing what had to be done. I continued to picture him in my head. What it would be like. What he would be like. The faces he would make. How he would smell. The things he would probably say. I kept tight thoughts on all of it until slowly I could feel the tingling making its way down my spine. To my feet and up my legs in an eventual climax that would force me up to get a towel.

The next day I arrived at the airport early, having paid extra for pre-boarding on first class. I played games on my phone then stared out the window as one at a time everyone else got on the plane. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

My thoughts were interrupted by a woman putting a bag in the compartment above my seat, then she took the seat next to me. The flight was sold out so I knew this was inevitable but it still didn't make me any less comfortable. I would have to sit next to a stranger in total silence for more than four hours. Worse yet, what if she wasn't silent? What if she wanted to talk? What if all she wanted to do was talk? I looked over at her to notice that she was smiling as me. I pulled out another fake smile just as...

"Excuse me, but I think you are in my seat."

My heart began to pound as his eyes locked in with mine. Those dark greens. They reminded me of the rain forest.

The woman shuffled until she was able to read her boarding pass.

"I'm sorry." She said while standing.

"It's okay."

She took her bag from the compartment and moved away. He put his bag in its spot, concentrating on the compartment, avoiding making eye contact with me. He sat down and let out a small sigh.

I didn't know what to say or what to do, so I didn't do anything. After another ten minutes it was time to depart and the door was shut. Feeling the push back I continued to look through my window.

"Hi, I'm Jimmy Bennett."

I turned from the window to look at him, his right hand extended.

"I know," I said while shaking his hand, "I'm..."

"You're Nick Robinson."

I was slightly embarrassed that he knew who I was and wondered if my cheeks were flushed with that same color red as his. His hand was sweaty to say the least.

"I saw you last night at the party." He said.

"I know I saw you too."

"In the bathroom right?" he asked.

"Yes, and after that, out by the bar." I said while realizing that I wasn't even sure he was old enough to drink.

He looked at me for a moment with the slightest bit of confusion on his face.

"Why didn't you say hi?" He asked with a smile and a raised eye brow.

Just as I was about to answer the flight attendant came over the loud speaker to go over the safety procedures. After what felt like forever the plane was almost to the runway. I wanted to say something. I wanted to continue the conversation but I knew we would be taking off soon and didn't want to rush anything before the roar of the engines.

Well after the plane had left the ground, after we were high in the sky, right after the seatbelt sign went off, we simultaneously looked at each other again.

"You seemed busy." I finally answered.

Again he smiled and raised a brow, "I wasn't."

"I should have said something but you were surrounded by people."

"There's always room for one more." He said.

"I know, it was a party."

There was another pause where time just passed without any words spoken. First five minutes. Ten minutes. Then fifteen agonizing minutes later I put my phone away in an effort to stop watching the clock. Back to the window I looked back down on earth.

"I saw your movie."

I turned back to look at him, thankful that he found a way to break the silence.

"Which one?" I asked.

"Duh!" He said with a smile.

I smiled back.

"What did you think? How did I do?"

"Well..." he said with a skeptical look on his face as if he didn't like the taste of something he was eating.

I became somber. My heart began to race again.

"I'm kidding. It was awesome! You did very well."

The seriousness in my face began to fade as a smile took over my emotions. Strange how quickly someone I didn't even know could rule over my thoughts.

"Where do you know me from?" He asked with sincerity.

I had to pause for a moment. I realized that I had never seen him in anything outside of one small role, even then he was prepubescent and looked completely different now. Dare I tell him how I stayed up the night before looking up pictures? Seeking out everything about him that I could. Dare I tell him how much I knew and why I knew it? Should I tell him how just the thought of him made me began to wonder what his touch was like? What those lips felt like? Dare I tell him how he haunted my imagination and that the only way I could get to sleep was to take matters into my own hand while imagining those green eyes locked into mine?

"Well?" He asked.

"Star Tr..."

"Really?" His face lowered as he looked at me with skepticism.

"Somewhere else too, I just can't remember where from completely."

"Uh huh," he raised his head obviously in some form of disbelief.

"Well I'm sure I seen you in other things I just can't remember right now."

He laughed, "I was going to say because I was probably thirteen when I did that."

I returned his smile.

"How old are you now?" I asked.

"Nineteen."

"I thought you were younger than that."

He laughed again, "Really? How old are you?"

"Twenty."

"I thought you were older than that.

"Ha-ha!"

We joked and talked for about another hour. The exchange was refreshing and I knew that I could not get enough of him. I wanted to somehow know everything about him and nothing at all. Not even a full twenty four hours after meeting this beautiful stranger and I was already infatuated.

He got up to go to the bathroom. I could smell his cologne, and his scent. A slight scent of man with a boyish charm. It was intoxicating. Before he disappeared into the bi-fold door he did something I did not expect. He turned to look at me. I quickly looked away and my last glance told me that he did the same. I took out my phone and used it as a mirror to check my face. Look into my nose, check all of my teeth then back into my eyes. When I looked into my eyes I saw myself for what I really was. For the first time I made peace with all of this. I realized that this wasn't going to go away. I knew that this is who I was. I didn't want to say the word but I knew from this point on that without doubt, I was attracted to guys. I was very much attracted to Jimmy Bennett.

I did not expect it to happen so suddenly. Maybe I was just caught up in emotion but from that moment in my life, I no longer hated myself. I no longer hated what this was. I was happy that I was who I turned out to be. Such an impactful revelation to have in such a short amount of time.

I didn't know what his thoughts on the matter would be. I mean I was sure he looked at me in kind of the same way but who was he really? Who was he attracted to? What does he believe in? I didn't know him at all, but I wanted to. When you're that certain, nothing else matters.

"Hey," he said breaking my concentration.

I didn't say anything back. I just straightened up my posture and brought my head out of the clouds.

His scent returned with him, just a bit stronger than I remember but just as good as before. I could breathe him in for hours.

But something had changed. I instantly wanted to resume our cozy and friendly conversation but his face was not the same as it was before. He seemed lost in thought. Something within him was deep in question. So I did not say anything. For almost the rest of the flight.

During the last hour I finally broke the silence.

"How are you getting home?"

He looked at me but where there once seemed to be the look of deep confusion now took on a demeanor of regret.

"I'll probably take a cab or something."

He looked back at his phone.

"I'm parked at LAX, I can give you a ride."

"No you don't have to go out of your way."

"Where do you live?" I took one final drink from my plastic cup, trying to pretend to be nonchalant.

"Van Nuys."

"I live in Calabasas, you're on my way."

He thought about it for a moment then looked back at me with a nod, "okay."

We didn't say anything during the landing. Or when we got off the plane. Or at the baggage claim, or much on the ride home. It was strange. At the beginning of the flight he seemed outgoing. Enthusiastic. Now he was withdrawn.

I was too afraid to ask what had changed. I was uncertain of what he was thinking but got the idea that I might have made him uncomfortable. Then that shame came back. That feeling of abnormality. The reminder that I was different. I thought he was different also. Maybe I read too much into his natural friendly demeanor.

"The first one on the left," he nodded as I turned down his street.

I pulled the car into the driveway stub before the Iron Gate.

"Thanks for the ride."

He got out of the car then got his bag from the back seat. After he shut the door, I quietly answered, "You're welcome."

I watched and waited as he unlocked the front gate and walked the stairs up to his house. I felt lost in my own thoughts, they were screaming loudly at my regret.

I was not expecting him to turn around. He took one last look before going inside. One last thoughtful look.

When I looked into my eyes during the flight on my phones reflection, I saw certainty. Maybe when he was in the bathroom, maybe in his reflection he saw doubt.

I spent a few more sleepless nights wondering what went wrong. Wondering what he really thought. Wondering if he was like me. If he liked me. Nights turned into days and then after a few weeks I didn't think much about it. Every once in a while I would catch myself in thought. Up late at night sometimes, I would think about him and wonder. The green rain forest. His full lips. His smile. His confusion. My embarrassment.

Then out of the blue I received a message online.

It was very simple and to the point, "Are you busy?"

I thought about it for a few minutes. Not sure that I wanted to risk the possibility of round two of disappointment. But I could not stop thinking about what good things could happen. How he made my heart stop after such a brief meeting. I knew I would risk it a thousand times before ever giving up.

"No, I'm just reading."

Immediately my phone chimed, "Can I text you?"

I replied with my number and again without even a full minute passing a text came through, "hey."

"Hi."

"Sorry about the other day man."

"It's okay." I lied.

Then a few minutes of nothing. A few minutes of me refreshing the message screen on my phone. Minutes that lasted forever as I stared at the wall trying to learn patience.

"I think you're pretty cool."

I smiled at the compliment.

"Thanks...so are you."

"We should hang out sometime."

"Yeah, we should."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing," I lied again.

I put my e-reader on the nightstand and stretched out my legs.

"Do you want to meet me somewhere?"

"How about I come pick you up?" I asked.

"That's fine. Do you remember the way?"

"Of course."

I wish I could have deleted that last message. I felt like I should have played dumb. Maybe a little less stalkerish.

Before he could respond I sent another message, "what time are you thinking?"

"How about around noon?"

"Sounds good, do you want to maybe go somewhere to eat?"

"Yeah."

I had no idea where I would take him.

"Alright."

"Cool. Text me tomorrow morning."

"Okay, ttyl."

"Bye man."

With that last message I jumped out of my bed and ran for my closet. I looked in the vanity mirror and knew right after I cancelled my plans that I would need to get a haircut. I pulled out a few pairs of jeans and t-shirts and began holding them up to my body in front of the mirror. None of them seemed good enough. I pulled out a few more, but again more strikes. I began to amass a pile of clean laundry on the floor before I almost dropped the fifth pair of jeans in realization. It scared me but filled me with excitement at the same time.

My first real date. I was going on a date with another guy. I think?

After my haircut, after my shower I put on the first pair of jeans I tested the night before. I made sure to wear a shirt that was form fitting but not too tight. I tried to show off my assets without making it obvious. Of course my mind was in overdrive and I over thought everything.

After a great amount of uncertain fuss, it was time to go. I sent him a message, "Leaving my house now, see you soon."

"Cool :)"

A flutter went through my body as I bit my lower lip in an attempt to stop my smile.

After I arrived I got out of the car then did a half run up to the front gate. I rang the bell and waited.

"Hello?" a woman's voice can be heard at the same time as in the background, "mom I told you it's for me."

"Hello?" I answered back, not sure who I was talking to.

"Hey," Jimmy greeted through the intercom, "I'll be down in a minute."

I stood and waited for him on the sidewalk. After a minute, or two, or three the door opened and he finally emerged.

A concerned woman stood behind him and yelled out, "call me."

As she made eye contact with me I gave her a nod but before she slightly returned it I noticed a look of aversion on her face.

I waited until he was in the car before I opened the door on my side. I tried not to look but Jimmy's mom was still watching us from the glass screen door. As Jimmy gave one last wave I started the car then drove off.

"Is it hard living by yourself?" He asked.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. It's just really annoying sometimes."

"She loves you."

"Duh!" He said with a smile while adjusting his sunglasses.

I smiled back, "you know what I mean."

After he cracked open the passenger side window that scent came back to me. That scent of man with a hint of boyish charm. His natural essence mixed in with some cologne. If it weren't for my own sunglasses he probably would have noticed that lost look I got in my eyes the few scarce times I was able to breathe him in.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

Then it hit me. I still had no idea where we were going. I did not think this through beyond picking him p. I had not considered anything past just seeing him again. I had to think quickly. He watched me from the side waiting for a response and I had to come up with something.

Then it hit me, "We're going to take a side trip before we eat."

"To where?"

"You'll see."

He smiled in my direction, "where are you taking me?"

"If I told you I'd have to kill you."

"Really?"

"Of course."

I picked up my phone at the next red light and sent a text to a studio carpenter that I knew. After a few minutes I got a response and was relieved that he was working.

After another twenty minutes in the car, he leaned forward to see a sign in the distance.

"You're taking me to a theme park? Really I haven't been here since I was ten."

"Ouch! Have a little faith."

We both smiled at each other.

I drove far from the tourist entrance and towards the side. Past the ticket counters, rides, and service entrances. Back to the real studio.

After going through the security gate he took off his sunglasses.

"This is it?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

I was nervous. I was not expecting to get that kind of reaction.

"This is all there is? I thought it was be bigger."

"Really?"

He looked around and laughed a little before smiling at me. "Yeah I didn't think this place would be this small."

I laughed without saying anything.

"What?"

"Nothing." I kept smiling.

I always maintained a bit of mystery in every move. He never asked too many questions anyway.

After gaining entry to three secured doors we were finally met by Peter. A twenty two year old carpentry genius who worked for the studio.

"Hi Nick," he greeted me with his slightly feminine demeanor.

"Hey man how are you?"

"Good, I haven't seen you in weeks."

We shook hands.

"This is Jimmy..."

"Aren't you that kid from..."

"Yes!" We both answered in unison.

"Well shit," his cheeks flushed as he quickly looked back and forth at both of us.

I knew that this moment was a defining one. I knew that Jimmy knew what Peter was. The master carpenter never made a secret of it, nor apologized for it. Not in the ways that I did.

I searched Jimmy's face. I tried to watch his reception of Peter's reaction to the two of us being there together. I somehow hoped that his face would tell me everything. At that moment, if I had one wish, it would be to know the thoughts that were going on in Jimmy's head.

I got nothing. He stood almost emotionless outside of the polite greeting he gave to Peter.

"Are you ready to go to South America?" Peter asked. "I hope you brought a sweater."

We followed him through a series of halls and rooms until finally we walked into what appeared to be a small gray loading dock.

I stopped walking. The familiar sounds of the air control. The familiar smells. It all came rushing back to me as many fond memories.

"What?" Jimmy asked.

"Nothing. I just..."

Peter opened one of the large double doors and suddenly we were somewhere else. We were in an Island Jungle. Well at least Hollywood's version of it.

"What is this?" Jimmy asked unable to control his wonder.

"Mock stage 12-B," Peter answered. "What the fuck?"

We both looked at Peter as he noticed something off in the distance.

"I swear to god, if they do this one more time..." he said as he walked off to fix or mess with something off in the distance.

Jimmy walked around almost as if he was scared to touch anything. He knelt down to feel the "ground".

"Is this real dirt?" He asked holding up a specimen.

"Honestly I don't know. I filmed a lot of scenes here. I miss this place."

"I know how you feel."

He stood up and walked over to an exotic looking plant. While holding it in his palm he lightly scratched the surface with his thumbnail. It made a slight zipping noise.

"These are obviously fake. And strong!"

"They took a good beating. Everything did," I said looking around.

"Oh shit!" Jimmy said while reaching for his heart.

I knew what caught him by surprise. "He's fake also."

"Don't you mean she?" He asked with a raised eye brow.

Off in the near distant jungle, you could hear Peter berating someone on his phone.

Jimmy walked over to brush aside two long leaves to see a life size raptor hiding behind them. He reached up to touch its face but stopped to look back at me.

"You might as well, I'm sure we're already breaking the rules anyway." I said.

He turned back to the dinosaur and felt the intricate design behind its face. As he examined the still prop I walked up behind him. He began to slightly shiver.

"You're cold." I said.

"Yeah. Why is the jungle so cold? I thought it would be warmer for some reason."

I looked up at the lights, "They keep this stage at 65 degrees so that the lights don't melt the props and to preserve everything. Also something about the bugs getting in here."

"Bugs?" He looked around grossed out.

By this point we were only standing about three feet apart.

"You're cold too." He said slightly reaching up and touching a finger to the goosebumps on my left bicep just above the inner elbow.

The moment I felt his finger tip on my arm, several more goose bumps appeared and we made eye contact. We looked each other in the eye for a few beautiful, awkward, brief moments.

"I see you found Delilah." Peter asked announcing his return.

"Yeah, does she ever complain about the temperature?" Jimmy asked.

"All...The...Time!" Peter annunciated each word to express fake irritation.

"I'm starving." Jimmy said.

"So am I."

"Good boys, because I have to get back to work. Jimmy it was nice meeting you, Nick don't be such a dick, text me or something."

"I swear," I said forgetting how much I appreciated Peter's friendship and wit.

I didn't know where to take Jimmy to eat. I wanted to do something adventurous, something exciting. In the end, I just played it safe and took him to a small Italian café.

He ordered chicken and pasta to my leafy green salad.

"Are you going to eat all that kale?"

"Of course, my trainer demands it."

"What about meat?"

I was a bit apprehensive as I didn't know what his thoughts on the matter were.

"Every once in a while. Only organic."

"That's cool."

"What about you?"

"Nothing red really, that's disgusting."

"Sorry," I said with a smile.

"Oh no! Eat up. I mean..."

"Sometimes it's about the protein." I said while slightly flexing my arm.

"Uh huh, because nothing else has protein in it." He joked with raised brows.

Our late lunch proved to be good. We talked for about an hour and got to know each other a little bit better. After that we went and saw a movie that neither of us liked.

We seemed to click on so many levels. It felt good. Very good. It had been so long since I've met someone I could actually connect with beyond physical attraction. His imagination made me think. His jokes made me laugh. His frown made me sad. His touch, his scent, his voice melted me into something I never was before I met him. This beautiful stranger had completely consumed me in the short time that I knew him.

After a long day, the moment I hoped for and dreaded had arrived. The autumns early sunset shrouded everything in darkness as we pulled up to the street in front of his house.

"Today was awesome," I said as I shifted into park.

"Yeah it was. Thanks for taking me to meet Delilah."

"Of course!"

We looked each other in the eyes. My heart pounded so hard I was sure he could hear it. I tried to control my deep breathing, not wanting to breathe directly into his face. However I could feel his breathe, warm and minted. Then I knew it was time to be strong. Somehow I had to pull the strength and courage out of nowhere.

I slowly leaned forward in a moment when everything but the ringing in my ears went silent. I knew that this was it. I would finally get to feel those full soft red lips pressed into mine. See the green rain forest an inch from my dark brown eyes. I was expecting to feel his warmth. Take in his manly boyish scent.

But he turned away. He turned away from my kiss and I was rejected.

"I should go," he said looking away from me.

I was looking at the side of his face. He still did not get out of the car, and I did not move though feeling extremely rejected. Just then the porch light turned on and his mother's face was in the front door window.

Scared and unsure what to do, I leaned back in my seat and looked forward, away from Jimmy.

He looked forward for a moment also. He looked like he was getting ready to say something but then he looked back at his mother then just opened the door and got out.

I watched and I waited for him to reach the now open door and walk inside.

Then, as if by some stupid cliché chance, it began to rain as I drove away.

At first I did not know where I was going. I knew I didn't want to go home. Street after random street I could not figure out how I was feeling the best and the worse at the same time. I never experienced anything like this before.

I knew what went wrong but I didn't understand it. I know the fear. I know the constant questioning. The self-loathing and hate. I know what it feels like when you think you are being betrayed by your emotions. In text book theory, I completely understood what it was like to be confused. But I couldn't understand why this was happening. I didn't know why I felt so hurt.

For another two hours I drove through the rare Los Angeles rain before the voices in my head would quiet down.

I returned home to see something on my stairs. At first sight it looked like a pile of clothes until the person looked up at my head lights. At first I did not fully see him and just assumed that a homeless person had made their way to my steps. But then recognition took over.

I quickly threw the car into park and ran through the rain to get to him. He looked up at me with sorrowful eyes. Soaked clothes. Wet hair.

"Are you crazy?"

He didn't say anything. I reached out my hands to help him up. His hands were like ice.

"How long have you...what are you doing out here?"

"I had to see you."

"Why didn't you call?"

"If I called then I wouldn't go through with this."

"With what?"

He looked at up at me for a long moment. Rain drops falling from his hair and down his face. I didn't know it right away but not all of it was rain. He looked down and I instantly knew what to do.

I carefully placed my finger under his chin to gently pull his face upwards. Slowly I bent my head down to kiss him. His cold lips pressed into mine and the sad, worn look on his paled face. It wasn't what I imagined it would be, but I would not trade it for anything else. I fully accepted him, regardless of the state he was in.

After the short kiss I drew him in for a hug and held his smaller, skinnier, shorter frame tight against mine. He nestled his head into my shoulder as I stood a whole six inches taller. I rested my head partially over his. The wet hair from the top of his head stuck to my cheek as a tremble went through his body.

"Let's go inside."

He nodded in response.

I led him to the bathroom and handed him a clean plush towel. He removed his sweatshirt then proceeded to take off his shoes and shirt. He was now standing in only wet jeans, barefoot and shirtless in front of me. He looked at me and I looked at him.

"I'll get you something to wear." I said allowing him some privacy.

Through a crack in the door I handed him my smallest pajama pants and one of my smaller t-shirts.

The door opened and he looked at me and smiled for the first time since finding him on my porch.

"Wow!" I commented.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me!" He playfully demanded while pinching my arm.

"Even my smallest clothes are big on you."

"Ha-ha!"

"Seriously, how tall are you anyway?"

"Smart ass!" He smiled while pinching my arm.

"But you still look very stylish," I said before biting my lower lip.

"Riiiight."

We sat on my couch with the TV turned on. We were under one blanket. I had since also changed into something more comfortable and he was completely under the blanket with his knees to his chest curled into me, my arms around him.

As we began to drift in and out of sleep with the only light coming from the TV I could not imagine what this meant for the future. I wanted this moment to last forever but I knew that this was impossible. Sooner or later we would have to get up and figure out exactly what everything meant from that moment on. What were we really? What were we becoming? If we couldn't even define ourselves individually, how could we even begin to define what we were together?

All worries were quietly slipping away as slowly and slowly we fell asleep together on the couch, under one blanket. The warmth from our body heat and events of the day too much to fight anymore.

"Nick?" His voice cracked after an undetermined amount of time.

"Jimmy?"

"I like the sound of your heart beating."

...to be continued...

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