YOU GUYS! =========
Wow! That's all I can say. Since Parts 4 & 5 were posted I have had a ton of mail (so much that I am now behind in replying - for the first time!), and it's all been so encouraging. So to everyone who mailed me in the last week (all 113 of you!), I really appreciate it and I read them all. Thanks. I'll answer here a few questions that come up a lot in the email:
- Are Drew and Curtis going to end up together? - Wait and see! 2) How is it going to end up? - See above! 3) Is Tyler gay? - Well there's nothing to prove one way or the other yet. Maybe he is, maybe I'm just teasing you. Wait and see. 4) Do you have other stories on Nifty? - Yes, try The Copier Guy in the Beginnings section. 5) How old are you? - I'm 24, 2 years to the day older than Scott in TCG. 6) Are you writing from experience? - No, this really is fiction, but like all fiction, there may be a grain of truth in it. Somewhere.
So there you go. I have nothing more to add just now. Just, thanks. Oh, one more thing. If anyone wants, and an opportunity presents itself, I usually log into MSN Messenger when I switch my computer on, so if you see me there, talk to me (ardveche@hotmail.com)!
DISCLAIMER ==========
This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. The author asserts all legal and moral rights (copyright (c) 2000 - ardveche@hotmail.com) to this work and you may not copy it or transmit it in any way except in its entirety and with this disclaimer. This story features descriptions of sex between consenting (all over the legal age, at least in my jurisdiction they are) males:
- if such material is prohibited in your jurisdiction, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you're under the legal age to read such material, please DO NOT READ ON, - if you don't like, or are offended by such material, please DO NOT READ ON.
Now, if everyone who is still here is meant to be here, let's get on with it. All comments are welcome and gratefully received (email them to ardveche@hotmail.com).
NEW TO THIS STATE =================
Chapter 6 - Shriving
"You really don't care?" I could see there was no point in mounting any sort of spirited defense of my heterosexuality. My straight cover was so totally blown since we moved here that I just had no option but to be honest now and take whatever consequences came of it.
"No. I don't." His beautiful face just radiated sincerity and I was quite overwhelmed by it. "You are what you are, dude, it's not your fault that school and, well stuff, makes you be something else. It's not fair." He shrugged. Hardly the most eloquent summary of the social pressures on homosexual teenagers, but touching and surprising for all that. Very touching, maybe he wasn't as dumb as Kate had said he was, or as insensitive as Curtis had said. Maybe I should just make up my own mind about him, based on observation and first hand experience, so to speak! And then again, maybe I already had.
"And you don't hate me?"
"Hate you? After today, Drew, I have more respect for you than practically anyone else I know. Of course I don't hate you. Come on, let's bring Curtis's stuff in, 'kay?"
The conversation was clearly over, Tyler had said what he wanted to say and now considered the subject to be closed. I guess I could pretty much live with that, at least he hadn't walked out. He clapped me on the shoulder as he stood up, a casual friendly gesture, but obviously calculated to show me that nothing had changed. Then again, what was there TO change, after all, we'd only met a few days before. Oh well, there was still time. Maybe.
"Okay." I tried what I hoped was a brave smile, but what was probably more of a grimace and trooped out after him. I couldn't help but admire the grace with which he moved as I followed him to the car, or the way clothes hung so perfectly on him. Or the way his hair blew gently in the breeze. And how the sunlight caught his watch as he swung his arm back and forth. Or everything about him, really. I know what you're thinking, really I do. But I couldn't help myself, there was just something so incredibly desirable about him. He just seemed so sure of himself all of the time. Not a cocky sort of sure, but a relaxed casual kind. You know? Like he had no worries.
"You got his keys?" I was woken from my reverie, and my quiet contemplation of his back. And maybe a little lower than his back too (hey! I'm only human). I patted my pockets and came up with nothing but half a pack of lifesavers and the pack of Marlboros that caused this whole mess.
"Must've left them in the car." I made a sort of half goofy half sorry face.
"Good thing this is a quiet neighborhood, bud. Can't see him being all that pleased if you let someone steal his car!" He laughed and pulled the door open, leaning in to get the keys from the ignition and affording me a first rate view of, well, lower than his back! "Here." He tossed the keys to me. "You check the trunk, I'll get that box." He yanked open the back door and leant in for the box, leaving me holding the keys. I only hesitated for a moment though, fearful of being caught and then I opened the trunk of Curtis's car.
Clearly he hadn't been able to find a suitcase anywhere. There was a load of clothes bundled untidily into the car and some other bits and pieces mixed in among them and piled on top. He'd been in a real hurry to get out of there. One object caught my attention more than any other, though, and I was still standing by the open trunk holding it when Tyler returned.
"Whatcha found?" He said coming up behind me. Mutely I turned to show him the pathetically worn and battered object I had taken from the car. "A bear?"
"Yeah." My voice was very quiet. I was absurdly moved that of all the things Curtis could have gone back for there was this scraggly old bear. That he had braved another beating from his father for the sake of a teddy bear with one eye and one arm hanging off. "Well, it was once."
"Hm. Out of the way then, let's get this lot inside." He took a big double armful of the clothes and started back for the house, leaving me just as he'd found me. I felt guilty that he was doing everything, so I gathered up some of the bits and pieces, using a shirt (which had his name on the pocket) to make a kind of temporary knapsack. There was pathetically little, really, just a couple of well thumbed books and maybe about a dozen CDs. I was reminded of how I had complained at how little stuff we were taking when we left my father, and for the second time felt terribly selfish, once again in comparison to Curtis we had it so easy. Tyler rejoined me then, grabbing the remaining items and slamming the trunk closed, we walked in silence back to the house.
In the kitchen, he had already sorted the first load of clothes, setting aside two jackets and quickly set about taking the rest through to the laundry. The box sat on the counter alongside some books and I unloaded my little bundle beside it and handed him the shirt to add to the load. He was very capable and business like, I admit I just sat and watched as he returned and started patting the pockets of the jackets before folding them neatly and placing them in a pile on a chair. There was an old tobacco tin in the pocket of the second one which he added to the miserable collection on the counter.
"There, that's the lot." He said, sitting down opposite me again.
"What's in there?" I nodded at the tin.
"Dunno. But I can guess."
"What?" I was puzzled, and he tilted his head to one side and looked at me for what seemed like a long time. The penny dropped. "Oh."
"You might wanna put that where your mom won't find it."
"It might not even be that." I reached for the tin to check the contents, just to be sure. And, whadaya know, it was exactly what we both thought it was. Marijuana. Maybe a couple of ounces. Tyler was right, my mom would freak so totally if she saw that. "Maybe we should check the box in case there's more?" I asked. I was kind of disappointed in Curtis, I really feared that if we looked through the box we'd find something much, much worse. I mean, I'm not totally against cannabis, I've even sort of tried it myself (but I didn't inhale, and I REALLY didn't, I don't smoke and I couldn't bring myself to breather in, I just played along with the other guys), but there might be anything in there.
"Up to you, dude." Tyler shrugged. I decided I had better look, just to be on the safe side. Curtis wouldn't bring anything bad into the house. Would he? But then, if it was something like cocaine or whatever it'd be worth a lot of money and he wouldn't want to leave it behind. I am ashamed to admit that I had already made up my mind that I was going to find something truly terrible in there. I stood up and started lifting things out of the box. There wasn't a great deal in there. An old photo album, a few more books, a Discman, a Zippo lighter and a couple of packs of cigarettes, and at the bottom a cigar box. This last (Monte Cristo, I noticed, my father's brand) I placed on the counter between Tyler and myself and stood looking at it, fearing the worst.
"You open it." I said.
"Whatever." And he flipped the little brass catch back and opened the lid. I sighed when I saw the carefully opened envelopes and folded papers held together in a bundle with a rubber band. But Tyler lifted that out and my heart lurched at what lay underneath. Neatly stacked bundles of money. Used notes, and a lot of them too. 'Oh, Curtis! What are you mixed up in?' I wondered in my head. Tyler gave a low whistle and then looked up at me. "How much do you think is there?"
"I'm about to find out." I reached for the bundles of notes, but Tyler's hand caught mine before I could touch them. It was warm and dry, and very strong, but my mind was less on that than on the money. Even so, I had a sudden, vivid flashback of that same hand smashing Curtis's father's nose to mush.
"Do you think you should be doing this? I mean, this is his private stuff. What we're doing is like reading his mail or something. And it could be perfectly innocent."
"I guess." He was right, I should try to trust Curtis. But I realized that I knew nothing about him, nothing at all. I had already seen so many different personas from him, his surly attitude at school, the serious one that afternoon, playful the next day, stubborn and full of hate. Would the real Curtis Reid please stand up. I put the letters back on top and closed the box, carefully replacing everything as we had found it.
"Listen. You should know, Curtis and I really are just friends. I mean, I hardly know him." Even now, and please don't ask me why, I don't know if I was trying to show him that I was free and single or that whatever Curtis was involved in was nothing to do with me, or what I was trying to do.
"Yeah?" He did not seem convinced.
"Yeah. He's a really great guy, and I do worry about him and all, but I'm just not attracted to him." I cast my eyes downwards again and mentally berated myself for saying that. What was my problem, and what did that have to do with anything??
"Why not? He's a good-looking guy."
"What?" I was astonished, Tyler had just told me he thought Curtis was good looking, what was wrong with this picture? "Did you just say you think Curtis is good-looking?"
"I didn't say I think he is. I said he is. You know, objectively."
"But he's a guy."
" So what? Doesn't mean I can't tell the difference between cute and ugly. If only to size up the competition." He grinned mischievously at me.
"I guess. But, well, there's, you know, someone else." There, it was all out in the open now, I took a deep breath and waited for his response. Waited to see how he would react to what was practically a declaration of my interest in him.
"Yeah? Someone from back east?" My mind instantly flicked back to poor, pathetic Josh and that last night at my house. I made a mental note to contact him, soon.
"Um, no. Someone right here."
"Who?"
"Do you really not know? Or are you just trying to make this more awkward?"
"Huh?" He seemed genuinely confused by my question. I took another deep breath and looking him right in the eye, I told him.
"You."
"Me??" He was incredulous, but apparently not grossed out. He stayed sitting where he was, but his face was a picture. This was not the reaction I had anticipated. "But you don't even know me." Wasn't that what I had just said about Curtis? And had he had any problem believing that I could be attracted to him, why was Tyler different?
"I know."
"Wow."
"Is that a good 'wow' or a bad 'wow'?"
"Good wow, I guess. I mean, I'm flattered and all, but, well..." He trailed off, and I can't say I blamed him, I mean how do you answer something like that? I thought back to my own completely inarticulate response when Josh had said something similar to me. And if anything Tyler was doing far better than I had.
"It's okay. I understand, I don't expect you to suddenly declare your own latent homosexuality and throw yourself at me. I mean, it's the real world." I tried a laugh, but it sounded hollow even to me, so I dread to think how fake it sounded to Tyler.
"Ha. No. Well."
Why did I tell him, you are all wondering, and believe me, I'm wondering it too. There he was telling me that he didn't care I was gay, and that he was basically happy for me and Curtis (not that there is a me and Curtis) and respected our relationship. And what do I do? I make both of us feel hopelessly awkward by telling him that it's really him I'm lusting after. Guess I just have a knack for ruining things totally. Clearly we were never going to be more than friends, however much I hoped and prayed otherwise, and even that was now looking unlikely. How can you be friends with someone you know is mentally undressing you every time he looks at you? I waited quietly for him to say something else or to get up and leave, but he didn't. He just sat in silence too, and the moment drew out longer and longer.
"Listen, maybe you should go back to school." I finally broke the silence, but it took ages for him to respond, and when he did he surprised me again.
"Nah. I could use some time off from that place. Besides, I oughta stay here and help you look after him. And you, you look like shit." I couldn't believe it, what did I have to say to make him walk out on me? Or maybe it was a question of what I had to DO. But, don't worry, I didn't do anything. I'm not totally dumb, well, not totally totally. He was being great, but if I had moved on him then I'm sure he'd have lost some of his composure. A tiny part of my brain wondered, suicidally, what a less composed Tyler would look like, but I fought it down.
"Why are you doing this? I mean why do you care? You already said you think he's a loser. So why are you going to so much trouble?"
"Because."
"Oh good answer."
He just snorted and stood up to get the coffee pot. "Want another coffee?"
"Does that offer apply to me too?" Lois came in to the kitchen carrying some bags of groceries and Tyler moved immediately to help her with them. I didn't know whether to be mad at her for arriving at such an awkward time, again, or grateful for giving us all something else to think about and lightening the mood a little. Bearing in mind the state of our house guest, I decided I ought to go with being nice to her. I was going to need her on my side when my mother got back. I quickly introduced her to Tyler, and once she was sitting down summarized the morning's events for her. Her face darkened as she listened to me, when I was done she turned to Tyler.
"Sounds like we all owe you a big thank you, especially Curtis. You and your father."
"That's okay."
"Hmm. And how is he?" Lois turned back to me.
"Sleeping, Dr. Ellis gave him a sedative. But he seemed pretty weak again. The only change is a big gash on his forehead."
"So we can't hide that from your mother too easily. Unless we say he fell. Could it pass for that?"
"Um, yeah, I guess so. Still leaves me as the irresponsible one though."
"Well, Andrew, you were pretty irresponsible, and I think you'll survive your mother being mad about a fall. Besides, this isn't about you, anyway. It's about Curtis." I flinched as she said this, it was the closest I had ever come to hearing Lois angry. And I supposed she was right, I still didn't relish being the scapegoat, even if it was my fault. "But don't blame yourself about it. Curtis, as we've all seen, is a very stubborn young man. He's have found a way to get rid of you if he's made his mind up to do it."
"I guess. Still, I should have watched him more closely. I feel really bad about everything that happened."
"And again it's about you! You were just lucky you have friends who care about you and who were willing to cut school to come and help you out." She fixed me with a gaze and I sort of hunched in my stool. "Now, Tyler, have you had any lunch?"
"No, ma'am, I haven't."
"Lois, please. Now why don't you boys help me put away the groceries and I'll make some sandwiches. Okay?" She was back to her normal cheerful self, and I was relieved. I didn't like it when Lois scowled, because she did it so rarely it seemed that much worse. She busied herself with the task, but it soon became clear that we (well, me at least) were just getting underfoot. "Drew, why don't you take Curtis's things upstairs and, Tyler, could you check on him, see if he's still asleep or if he maybe wants something to eat?" We both nodded and I grabbed the jackets and that box, grateful for an excuse to leave the kitchen and get it out of the way. Tyler and I walked out together and parted at the bottom of the stairs, before he went into the parlor, he raised his eyebrows at me and grinned slightly.
Upstairs, the room was exactly as I'd left it that morning. I stood for a moment thinking about what had happened there the night before and what I had said to Curtis. Now that I thought about it, I realized how much I much I must have hurt him. Here was a guy who had totally withdrawn into himself, who talked to nobody at school and who everyone thought was a total weirdo. And he'd trusted me, he'd taken a chance and tried to get to know me, because something about me made him think I might be different. What did I do? I spat in his face. Figuratively, I mean, but you see my point? I guess I was no different at all, and I hated myself utterly at that moment. How could I do that to him? More importantly, how could he ever trust me again, now that I'd shown what a jerk I was. I had to talk to him and make him see that he could still count on me, that I really was his friend.
I rushed downstairs, but as I got to the last set I paused on the little landing there to compose my thoughts. I didn't even know if he was awake, so I guess there was no need to hurry all that much. I walked slowly down the last eight stairs and was about to turn into the parlor when I became aware of low voices talking in there. I couldn't make out words, but at least he was awake and feeling well enough to hold a conversation. But with Tyler? That surprise me, I stepped round the corner and saw Tyler squatting by the couch, his back to the door. Curtis lay on it, much as we had left him, but his clothes were neatly folded on a chair and he had Lois's quilt over him. I could see some of his upper body and the bruises there, but his face was obscured by Tyler. I don't know why, but instead of going into the room, I pulled back and stood just beside the door listening, straining to hear the mumbled conversation.
"Forget it, it's history." Curtis was just saying. What's history? His father?
"I can't forget it."
"Sure, you managed for, what, three years?" If I had entertained any thought of revealing my presence, it was gone now, what had Tyler managed to forget for three years? What the hell was going on between these two?
"Yeah. And I'm so sorry. I can't help thinking that, maybe, if we had talked, none of this might have happened." Tyler sounded quite upset.
"Tyler, this has nothing to do with you. He went off the rails when my mom died. There was nothing you could have done."
"I could have been your friend."
"You were. I pushed you away. Remember?"
"No. I should've been more understanding, it was a tough time for you. I knew that, I was a total asshole."
"It's nobody's fault. And anyway, you were only fourteen." You can bet I was mentally filling in the blanks here and coming up with all kinds of theories for what they were talking about. Whatever it was, Curtis seemed to be being very big about it.
"I just wish there was something I could do to make up for it."
"There's no need."
"Yes there is, God, all the crap you've taken for years and I did nothing about it. I joined in, for Chrissake!" Tyler was sounding really mad at himself now.
"Hey, you had an image to think about!" Curtis's laugh sounded fake even to me out there in the hall listening in.
"Yeah, right. Can we maybe start again, huh? From now? Wipe the slate clean?" It actually sounded to me like he might be about to start crying.
"Sure we can. Buddy." There was a silence and I risked a peek round the doorframe. To my complete astonishment, Tyler and Curtis were hugging one another like old friends. The conversation seemed to be over, so I carefully went back up a few stairs and made a lot of noise coming back down them so that when I trotted into the parlor they were sitting as though nothing had happened.
TO BE CONTINUED... ==================