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Jack
I was mesmerized. I couldn’t move. My eyes were fixed on Jason. My God, he was so beautiful and his voice was a pure enchantment. I couldn’t believe what I had witnessed. Jason was an angel and I didn’t know why, but I had the feeling he had sung that song just for me. Or was it the way he was singing that made that everybody felt concerned? I didn’t know, but I sure felt wonderful inside. When the song ended there was a tremendous applause and as he came off the stage, he looked straight at me as if he knew I was there. Instead of going towards his friends he came to me, grabbed my head in his hands and whispered in my ear.
-That was for you!
Then he kissed me softly on my lips and went over to where his friends were. What had just happened? I lifted my hand and softly felt my lips as if to find a proof that indeed he had kissed me in front of everybody. I just wondered if I had understood his words correctly. Did he really say he had sung that just for me? I had just gone to heaven and back and my heart was racing as never before. That guy, that I had seen only one day in my life, but who had been in my mind day and night since then, just kissed me and surreptitiously and I could say secretly, said he loved me? Because if he sang that song for me, there was a kind of declaration of love involved, wasn’t it? Oh my … My eyes followed his silhouette in the crowd. From time to time he turned his head and looked at me with what I understood were pleading eyes. I was 20 years older than him and I was wondering what he intended to tell me when he looked at me. I felt so stupid. Did he want me to follow him and stand close to him? Did he want me to “rescue” him from the friends surrounding him? Or did he want me to kidnap him and take him to a secret place? I didn’t know and that was why I felt so stupid. Yes, I wanted to go ver to him and take him in my arms and kiss him like I had never kissed anyone before, but of course, I didn’t dare to do such a thing. Stupid me never took the risk of taking any initiative. If I was honest with myself, I had to admit I probably lost quite some opportunities in my life because of that. Although Jason had taken a first step by kissing me softly on my lips, I still feared a rejection if I showed that I wanted more.
I had come to this Karaoke bar because I love to sing. After Jason’s performance there was not the slightest chance I would get on that stage. I was an absolute amateur singer where Jason was clearly on another and higher level. My heart told me to go on stage anyway and sing something to him, but my rational part had glued me to the place I was standing and I couldn’t move. It was not that I was known in this bar, but I had been there more than once and most of the bartenders and DJ’s knew me. As there were no other candidates to go on stage, the DJ called my name without asking me before. I had no choice. It was common knowledge that the singers in this bar received a free drink and even though I had not been on stage yet, the bartender put my favorite drink in front of me, leaving me indeed without choice as to go on stage. One of the songs I almost always sang was “Pray” of Sam Smith. In the corner of my eyes I saw that Jason was about to leave the bar, till the first piano notes began and I started to sing. He stopped immediately in his track and turned towards me, looking with incredulous eyes. Even with the spotlights I could imagine Jason standing there, listening to this song which is full of hope. Yes, I prayed that he would understand me, understand my fears and the reluctancy of starting something with someone his age. Yes, I had an issue with the age gap, otherwise I would have called him already a thousand times. I put my heart and my soul in that song as I wanted Jason to really understand and I wanted him to understand it was an answer to his song. Why was it that we could express some feelings, hidden in a song, but that we couldn’t pick-up the phone and speak clearly about what we felt? If it was that what it took to understand each other, I would learn a hundred songs and even more if necessary. I knew what I was feeling. I also knew that my subconscious fears were avoiding me to do what I really wanted.
As the song came to an end and I came out of that blinding spotlight, I could see that Jason was still standing there in awe. I could so easily imagine that the same questions I had after his song, were now in his head. I had no choice as to go over to him, grab his head in my hands and whisper exactly the same in his ear as he had done. I then kissed him, but I was a little more forceful in my kiss. It was not that my kiss was not gentle, believe me, it was more to express clearly what my heart told me to tell Jason. I was on the verge of letting a single happy tear escape my eyes when I broke the kiss and looked at my angel. Through the blur of my watery eyes I could see Jason was exactly in the same state and showing a lot of emotion without saying a single word. At that precise moment I knew I was falling in love with Jason. I didn’t have the slightest hint of a doubt and even if he had not said a word, I knew he felt the same for me. We were standing there in front of each other, blocking the passage to the door, but no-one dared to try pass by us. Unconsciously our fingers had intertwined and our bodies were pressed together. Our eyes were locked and I am sure our hearts were beating in unison. Our energies were flowing from one to the other and everything was leveling itself so as to be in perfect harmony. That moment was absolutely magical. I wanted it to last as long as possible although I have to admit that time stood still at that moment. What happened around us didn’t affect us in any way. We felt like we were alone on this earth. Nothing had importance, except the look in our eyes, the intertwined hands and the flowing energy. At that precise instant we were one.
The magic spell was broken when one of Jason’s friends came back in and asked if he was coming. Jason didn’t break our locked eyes and just said that he was going to catch up later. His friend didn’t insist and went out again. Jason slowly let my hand go, only to wrap his arms around my neck. As if it was an automatic response, I put my hands locked behind his back. As someone was singing a slow song, we slowly danced on the rhythm of the music, although we really didn’t move a lot, except to free the passage to the door. Jason didn’t need a formal invitation to get even closer and rest his head on my shoulder, softly kissing my neck and sending shivers all through my entire body. I felt a wetness on my neck and the collar of my shirt. I supposed Jason was silently crying but once again I didn’t want to disturb him. I had not done anything to upset him as far as I knew. I hoped that the few tears that were wetting me were tears of happiness. I know I was about to let a few escape as well. Yes, I was overwhelmed by happiness.
-Take me away from here Jack.
I was not a hundred percent sure I had heard him well, but didn’t take the risk to ask him to repeat. I just pulled him with me on the street, hailed a taxi and gave my address to the driver. Jason didn’t protest, on the contrary. As soon as we were seated he wrapped himself in my arms, saying nothing. In no time at all we were at my apartment and as soon as my entry door was closed, we were again in each other’s arms, kissing with the passion that you only find with people who are really and sincerely in love. I didn’t know how to explain what happened since Jason had sung. It seemed like a fairytale. If it was, I didn’t want to come back to reality. I lead Jason slowly to the bedroom and we undressed each other without once breaking our kiss. When we fell on the bed, we were naked. No, we didn’t have sex. We made love hours in a row. We took our time to discover each other physically. I had had my share of sex in the past and this was so different. Jason showed a totally uncommon passion and I was not complaining. I tried to show him the same kind of passion provoked by love and lust combined. It was only when dawn began to seep through the half-open curtains that we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Some time later (don’t remember how much) I woke up to an empty bed. I just feared the same thing was happening over and over again and that Jason had left. I should not have worried as he came out of the bedroom and snuggled up to me. In no time he was asleep again. He was, but I wasn’t. I didn’t move as I didn’t want to wake him. He looked so angelic with his head on my shoulder and his arm across my chest. His legs almost naturally intertwined with mine. It felt perfect, except … my stupid doubts about our age gap.
Stupid it was! I didn’t know what was coming over me. I just had lived the most beautiful twelve hours of my life, from the first kiss in the Karaoke bar till the moment I was laying there in my bed with this incredible angel in my arms. In the last twelve hours I experienced the most fantastic feelings I had never felt before. We had made love for hours in a row and connected in more than one way. We had the mental, spiritual and physical connection most of the people would give their right arm for. We had exchanged more body fluids you could think of and the only concern I had, was … our age difference? What was going on with me? Which neurons were in the wrong place? Which gene had been badly twisted? Which nerve got a knot in it? This was totally unbelievable. Jason was an adult for God’s sake! I didn’t force him at all. The first kiss we shared was HIS idea. He actually asked me to take him home with me. Why on earth was I doubting about what was the beginning of something that would most probably turn out to be something really great? I reached the point where I doubted about my own mind. I had the most gorgeous guy in my arms, softly snoring on my shoulder. The lack of sleep during the night made my eyelids heavy and I wandered once again into dreamland.
Several hours later I woke up once again. Jason was still in the same position and I had to admit I could get used to waking up like that, with my angel in my arms. My bladder called for attention and I tried to get out of bed without waking him, but as soon as I moved I heard a “Don’t go!” in my ear. I tried to whisper to Jason that it was nature who called and that it was not because I wanted to leave him alone like that. I hurried to the bathroom as to be as less time possible without the physical contact with Jason. Coming out of the bathroom, Jason was patiently waiting his turn. As we were both up I decided to go to the kitchen and make us some coffee. While I was doing that, Jason came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his body against mine. I didn’t know how he did it, but I felt so loved at that moment. He softly kissed my neck and went to lick my earlobes. He couldn’t know that my earlobes were really sensitive and connected to my sexual desires. We were both still naked and there was no way I could hide my arousal, but I didn’t have to as I could feel he was as hard as me. His hands slowly wandered over my chest and belly, careful avoiding my genitals as if he wanted to keep the best part for last. The coffee machine was doing its work and I slowly turned around and pressed Jason to me. Our lips met, softly at first but it quickly turned into a very passionate kiss, with dancing tongues in our mouths. Not even a hurricane could have separated us. Jason’s arms around my neck while mine were around his waist, strongly pressing us together and showing the clear intention we didn’t want to part. The kiss was a kind of indication that we wanted to keep united in all ways possible. Both our eyes were closed as if we wanted to live a dream and not being woken by external elements. I could feel Jason’s heartbeat that went at exactly the same speed as mine, a speed that was slowly increasing. Suddenly the coffee lost any importance and we moved towards the bedroom without letting the other go. We fell on the bed and I sincerely enjoyed Jason’s weight on me. His kiss became really feverish and even more passionate. It was only a kiss, yes, but it was a pure expression of inner feelings. Jason transmitted so much love in that kiss and I just hoped he would feel the same coming from me. Yes, in less than twelve hours I went from “falling in love” to “love” Jason and my heart was longing for mutual feelings even if I feared that our age gap would threaten what was coming to life between the two of us. I felt Jason’s tongue leaving my mouth to start a travel over my body, kissing and licking any square inch it could reach. There was a real love hunger coming from my angel and I could feel it in every nerve ending in my body. He slowly traveled southwards and I didn’t know what I preferred, his hands, his lips, his tongue … everything was so electrifying. Every little hair on my arms, chest and legs stood at attention and my nipples were erected to the point of hurting. My manhood had never been as hard. I thought I was going to explode in the most intense orgasm in a question of seconds, but Jason knew what he did and could increase or diminish his ministrations according to my reactions. It was completely justified that I called him my angel as he took me to heaven more than once.
During our hourlong lovemaking at night, surprisingly, we had not penetrated the other. Suddenly I wanted Jason in me and also being inside of him. I say surprisingly because anal sex was never a real priority for me and now I craved feeling Jason in that way. I opened my legs bit by bit and Jason felt almost naturally between them. I bent my knees, giving him the clear permission to access to my most private entrance. Before reaching my rosebud he bathed my manhood and testicles with mouth and tongue. When I felt his tongue going towards my entrance I thought I was going crazy with love and lust. I knew that the first penetration would hurt and I was looking forward to it. I wanted it. I wanted Jason. I longed to be one with him. Jason was a natural and understood my need. He did whatever is necessary to prepare me for the invasion of his rock-hard cock, playing with my ass with lips, tongue and fingers, driving me to levels of unknown pleasure. I was afraid to suffer from premature ejaculation with Jason working my body, but he knew what he was doing and I couldn’t enjoy it more. He positioned himself so that his cock-head was directly on my entrance and then lowered his upper body so he could kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me to intensify the effects of the kiss. The more we kissed, the more he pushed with his hips and thrusted inside of me. He entered me almost delicately an even if I expected the initial pain, it didn’t come. I could feel him slide inside me with the perfect penetration angle and I couldn’t believe it when I felt his pubic hairs tickle my ass cheeks. He was completely inside of me and the only thing I had felt was pleasure. That pleasure increased a hundred times when he stared the in and out movement, caressing my inside with his manhood, rubbing my prostate. I could not believe his perfect way of making love to me. If this was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up, but it was no dream. It was a reality that I never thought I would never live. But I did. While I had his cock in my ass, his lips on mine and his tongue in my mouth, I started to cry from pure happiness. With that pure feeling of love I couldn’t hold back anymore and shot my load between our bellies, contracting my ass muscles with each shot. Jason must have felt it as I could feel the spasms of his manhood inside of me and I knew he was depositing his semen inside of me. I felt so complete, full and yes, physically satisfied. Jason’s movements decreased slowly till he was laying completely still on top of me. We were still kissing and couldn’t get enough of it.
Jason
That was not sex, it was pure love-making and I was overwhelmed with the feelings and sensations. Oh my… I loved Jack beyond comprehension. I didn’t know it was possible, but I had to face the evidence. I loved him and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. It was not a sexual thing, although it had been spectacular. I felt an extraordinary connection with Jack. I was still inside of him and just crossed my fingers that my manhood would not deflate. I wanted to stay inside him for as long as possible. I also wanted him to make love to me after we recuperated enough, returned our breaths to normal as well as our heart beats. I broke the kiss and lifted my head, opening my eyes to see the most gorgeous eyes look at me. I could see he had been crying and was immediately really concerned that I hurt him with my penetration. It was as if Jack could read my mind.
-These are tears of happiness my sweet friend. You didn’t hurt me at all, on the contrary.
I was happy beyond believe. I didn’t now I could be the origin of happy tears. Knowing Jack felt happy made me feel so complete and the look on his face was so … rewarding. All these feelings were new to me and I discovered them with great pleasure. I knew that even at my age I still had so much to learn and I had the suspicion that Jack could be the perfect teacher. I also had to lightly laugh at the events of the evening before. Jack asked me what was so funny.
-I think fate has really mysterious ways to bring us to the adequate place at the perfect moment. Yesterday my friends called me to go with them to the Karaoke bar and my first impulse was to refuse. I didn’t feel like going out and was looking forward to have a quiet evening at home, maybe watch a movie and turn in really early. But … they also insisted I had refused so many invitations that I thought I started to be impolite turning them down. That’s why I said yes and you can’t believe how happy I am now that I went to that bar, because you were there.
-I understand what you mean as I was in a very similar situation, except no one called me, but I was tired of being at home alone. When you told me you dedicated that song to me, I was flabbergasted as I had been thinking of you every single day since I bought that computer. You just made a certain dream come true. I had no intention of singing, but the DJ who is a friend of mine almost pleaded me to sing as he had no other candidates. It wasn’t even my choice of song, but looking back, I couldn’t have chosen a better one as I have prayed to find the perfect excuse to meet you again. Nonetheless, we will have to talk about all this Jason.
I was afraid of that sentence as it almost never gives a good omen. When someone says: “We have to talk” I was always afraid of what was coming. It had never given me good vibes.
-Why don’t we get up and have that coffee you prepared earlier? My experience is that talking without having coffee first is never a good idea.
Jack agreed. My intuition told me to at least put on my underwear. I had that sensation that the “talk” would be serious and that being naked was not really a good idea. Jack pulled on his jeans without underwear and was even more sexy than if he had stayed naked. I admired his physics and was drooling over that gorgeous man. We went to the kitchen and sat at the island, sipping our coffees in silence for a few moments. My mind was racing and wondering what that talk was going to be about. A thousand questions and doubts were going through my head and I really feared the worst. I knew it was a very bad way of doing from my part, but I couldn’t avoid it. After that silence which was not really comfortable, I gathered my courage and tried to smile when I asked Jack what it was he wanted to talk about.
-Jason … I know I am falling for you big time, but at the same time I am scared to death. My past experiences tell me to take care. I had my heart broken before and I really don’t want it to happen again. I feel it clearly that our feelings are mutual, but there is one thing that I fear more than anything… We have an age difference of twenty years! Although I always look for guys younger than me, I can’t understand that a younger guy would be interested in me, his senior of twenty years…
I suddenly understood what Jack was telling me and I knew it would cost me an arm and a leg to make him see that age is just a number and nothing else. I would have to make him understand that people my age did nothing for me and even less now that I had found him. I knew it was a rough battle that I had to engage and that convincing him would be a hell of a job. I just wondered if I was up to win this battle. It seemed Jack was obsessed with that age difference and saw it as a major obstacle. I thought it was insane to have to battle against numbers. We were two human beings who were clearly attracted to each other, compatible in bed and from the conversation we had the first time, agreeing on the major values of life. What kind of importance did our ages have? For me it was a futile detail. For Jack it wasn’t. How was I to convince him he was giving importance to something that had none? I thought the best approach of that problem would be humor, so I smiled while looking at him.
-Is that your only fear?
Jack looked quizzically at me as if he didn’t understand the question.
-Is your only fear that I am twenty years younger than you? Because if that’s the case, I can tell you right now that if we were the same age, I would probably not even look at you. I have never found the slightest interest in people my own age. I was attracted to you before I knew your age. From the moment you’ve put your first step in my store, I knew I wanted to know you better and hoped with all of my soul that you would like the same.
-But…
I knew that I wouldn’t win the battle that easily. That age gap was anchored so deeply. I knew it wold be something I would have to face every single day if I wanted to have Jack in my life, and believe me I wanted him.
-Jack please, stop worrying about our ages. You don’t know me yet enough. I can assure you that when I love someone, there is nothing on this earth that can get me to go away, except that person himself. It is my decision to be with you and my heart that tells me to stay with you. I see you as a person, not as a person of over forty. I see your qualities for what they are and not related to the number of years you have them. What counts for me is that you made me happy from the first kiss on. You have overwhelmed me with feelings and I want it to go on Jack, I want them to grow and get really strong. I want to make you happy as you have never been before and I can assure you I’ll do everything that is in my power to achieve that goal, but… you have to allow me to do so. I don’t want you to doubt about that or me. If you doubt about me, you shouldn’t have kissed me in the first place, you shouldn’t have allowed me to make love to you.
Jack kept silent. I could actually feel him thinking. Ok, I had planted a seed in his head and now I had to wait. Jack’s eyes were really moist. He was doubting! It hurt… it hurt me. I suddenly had the feeling I didn’t belong where I was. I was devastated. He had taken me to heaven and was dropping me back to reality. Apparently he was not ready to accept my love. What was going on in his head? Or should I ask what was going on in his heart? He had been the most lovely man since that first kiss at the bar till we sat down to have coffee. I didn’t know what to do. Did I have to go on insisting or should I dress and go? I put my hand on his and with my other hand I lifted his head so he would look in my eyes.
-I know it is early to say so, but… I love you.
Jack still didn’t say a word. I had at least expected him to say… something! But he didn’t. He squeezed my hand as if he wanted to say to bare with him. I wanted, but I had to know if he would trust me, trust what I said and trust the expression of love I had just made. I felt bad for him that he was blocking everything based only on our ages. In a certain way I felt more mature than he was. He was denying himself what could be a wonderful adventure that would lead to a longterm relationship and I would even say a lifetime relationship. That was how sure I was about my own feelings. One thing was sure, if the feelings were not a hundred percent reciprocal, I would stop everything right there and then. I didn’t want to oblige anybody to love me. It had to come in a natural way and without forcing anything at all.
As Jack kept silent I stood up and started to collect my clothes. Jack didn’t move. I dressed and when I was ready, I looked over at him, but he hadn’t move from the kitchen island. I hoped with all of my heart that he would stand up and do something to avoid my leaving… but he didn’t. I was heartbroken but it was the only thing I could do. I tried to kiss him before leaving, but there was no response from Jack. Even when I opened the door and stepped outside, I was still hoping he would come after and ask to stay. He didn’t. I closed the door and left the building. Once outside I could feel the nice temperatures and the bright sunshine on my face, but inside I felt as cold as in the middle of the winter. My vision was a blur because of the tears that started to run down my cheeks. I had found him and lost him in less than eighteen hours.
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